Insights: Johnny Apocalypse
By CritterKeeper
A note on the timing: While Alex doesn't discover that Stark is the father of her baby until "The Choice," it was revealed as far back as "The Camp" that the Chrysalis babies were created from the egg and sperm of Chrysalis members, the women who birthed them being used as 'incubators.' Alex's feelings about this weren't address on-screen at the time. So this is really sort of a Missing Scene for two different episodes. :-)
For mother's sake the child was dear,
and dearer was the mother for the child.
- Samuel Taylor Coleridge, English poet
"I don't want you to die."
Their eyes locked, Adam searching for the truth, Alex trying to convey what she knew the boy needed to see. Gunfire continued to echo around them. Alex's eyes flicked to the side just a moment before she threw her arms around him and pushed him down to the ground, her body covering his. They could hear the thud of a bullet hitting the dirt a few inches away. Adam gulped, then nodded.
"Let's get out of here!"
She kept her body between him and the gunfire. They made it back to the car and pulled away, tires squealing, dust flying, while the men in suits covered them. In that, it was similar to the earlier escape from the lab, but this was much more tense, much more dangerous. Adam crouched on the floorboard under the dash on the passenger side and kept his head down, while Alex drove with grim determination.
Finally, the gunfire faded in the distance, and the jouncing of cross-country smoothed out into a paved road. Adam slowly pulled his arms down from around his head and looked up at Alex. She was still tense, but no longer so deadly.
"Can I, uh, sit?"
She nodded once, eyes still scanning the road, the surrounding countryside, and the sky above. Adam eased back onto the seat, his legs protesting being folded so tightly for so long. Mindful of the wild ride so far, he put his seat belt on.
"We'll rendezvous with the semi about ten minutes' drive from here, but we're going to change cars first, make it harder for them to spot us by air."
He rode in silence for a minute, then glanced at the agent nervously.
"So, uh, you really don't want to kill me anymore, right?"
Alex pulled the car to a stop under an overpass. Another late-model car was waiting for them, this one white and much smaller. She put the car in park and turned off the engine before turning to look at Adam.
"I never did want to kill you, Adam." She looked up at the ceiling of the car for a moment, and Adam was astonished to see she was fighting back tears. "God, you don't know how hard I looked for an alternative. The whole team back at the lab did. We tried as long as we could, and then we all kind of lost hope." She turned back to Adam. "I'd never heard of these cryopods until Darien told me about them. I could have kissed him, I was so happy to know we had another option!" Of course, she couldn't do that. She could never let the other agents see her that vulnerable. But the impulse had been there, all the same.
"So I was right? Something bad was going to happen to me back there."
Alex put a hand on his shoulder. She wanted to touch his cheek, his hair, in a motherly, comforting way, but she didn't dare push it that far.
"Adam, something bad was going to happen to you anyway. There was nothing we could do to stop that. But we wanted to try to make sure nobody else got hurt when it happened. I don't think you would want to hurt anyone, right?" Adam nodded reluctantly. "I really hoped...I didn't want you to be hurt, or scared. I wanted to make it easy, quick, quiet, I don't know what. It all sounds so terrible now, but it's a terrible thing they did to you. I guess I just wanted to make things a little less terrible."
"Why take me to that place? Why couldn't I just stay home, with my...." His voice trailed off and he looked away. The sudden, intense loneliness she saw in his eyes told her exactly what was tearing him up inside.
"You overheard me talking to Darien. You heard what I said about your mother."
"I heard you. She's not my mother. She never was." The bitterness in his voice brought tears to her eyes, tears he couldn't see as he looked away out the window. "She's my 'handler.'"
"Did you hear me mention my son?"
"You don't look like a mom."
"Well, I am. His name is James, and he's almost a year old." Her throat tightened up just thinking about her son. Where was he now? Was he safe? Was there anyone to hold him, or love him? But that wasn't what was important to Adam now.
"Recently, I found out that James...might not be mine. That maybe he had a different mother and father. Maybe even some really bad people." It was Alex's turn to look out the window. The tears she fought so hard, every day, to hold back, began to leak out as she finally talked about her son to another human being.
"And you didn't know? How can that happen?"
"Doesn't matter." Alex swallowed convulsively. "I had to...do a lot of thinking...when I found that out." She turned to look at Adam. He was staring back at her, heart in his eyes. "I had to decide whether it mattered to me. Would I stop loving him, if I found out he wasn't my own flesh and blood?"
She turned to him, the tears shining wetly on her face. Maybe it was because she knew that he would be frozen soon, unable to betray her weakness to anyone else. But God, it was a relief to be able to *feel* something, openly, to see that understanding and compassion in another human being's eyes.
"I *love* my son, Adam. It doesn't matter whose genes are inside him. I will never stop loving him, no matter what happens to him, or to me. And I would die to protect him, if I have to. Your *mother*," she said, emphasizing the word, "was torn apart by what was happening. But she knew that, if the worst happened, it wouldn't help you to see her fall apart. If we didn't want you to be scared, she *had* to stay away, for your sake. It was the hardest thing she's ever had to do, and she is a *strong* woman."
Alex opened her door, walked to the backup car, and got in. By the time she'd started the engine and put the car in gear, Adam was opening the passenger side door and getting in beside her.
They drove in silence for several minutes before Adam spoke again.
"Do you think....is there any way I could see her again?" He glanced down at the bracelet on his wrist, already glowing red. "Scratch that. I know. There's no time."
"If I could get her here, I would, Adam. I'm sorry."
"What about a phone call? Do you know where she is now?"
Alex thought for a moment. There was a chance that a cell phone call would give away their position to the enemy, but it was a small one. And they wouldn't stay in one place for very long.
"She doesn't have a number I can reach her at." Adam started to turn away, dejected. "But, if you want to leave her a message...."
"She has a machine?"
"No, but if you leave a message on the tape in my machine, I can make sure she gets it." She shrugged, eyes once again on the road and the skies. "It's the best I can do."
"Okay. At least I can let her know...." He trailed off.
Alex pulled out her cell phone and handed it to him. "Dial star-seven. But keep it short, we don't want Chrysalis to pick up the signal."
The phone rang once, twice, and the voice mail system picked up. There was a pause as Adam tried once to speak and failed, then took a deep breath and tried again.
"Hello, Mom?" Alex hoped she wasn't just imagining the way he emphasized the name. "It's me. I just wanted to....Alex has explained what's going on, and we think maybe there's a way out. I might be on ice for a long time, Mom, but I'm alive, and there's still hope. Someday, when they can fix me, I'll be back, and I'll see you again." His voice broke. "I just wanted to tell you that I love you. No matter what. And I know you love me too. I know." He covered the mouthpiece as he cleared his throat, fighting back a sob. "You take care of yourself. Have a good life. And I hope I'll see you soon."
For a moment he looked like he wanted to say more, but he closed the cell phone resolutely, cutting off the call. They could see the trailer with the cryopod up ahead, Darien leaning out the door watching their approach. Adam handed the cell back to Alex and wiped his eyes with the end of his shirt.
"Don't tell Fawkes I was crying, okay?"
"I won't if you won't," Alex replied. She glanced in the rear view mirror. Her makeup was as tear-proof as advertised, no trace remaining of her own show of weakness.
"Do me a favor? Give James an extra hug for me. And tell him you love him. He needs to know."
Alex felt her throat close up, felt the tears threatening to overflow again, but she couldn't let them loose now, where her colleagues might see. She nodded silently, tightening her control. "I will the very next time I see him," she promised.
****
Author's Note: Darien and Adam had a nice little moment, bonding over the fact that they were both freaks. But I couldn't help but think, that Adam had found out something even more important, to a child. Alex tossed off the comment about his 'handler' so casually, but it had to cut the boy to the heart. I thought that needed addressing, and the parallel to Alex's son just came naturally from there.
***
"And to serve that single issue, lest the generations fail,
The female of the species must be deadlier than the male." -Rudyard Kipling
(Heard that line and just *had* to attach it to Alex! ;-)
By CritterKeeper
A note on the timing: While Alex doesn't discover that Stark is the father of her baby until "The Choice," it was revealed as far back as "The Camp" that the Chrysalis babies were created from the egg and sperm of Chrysalis members, the women who birthed them being used as 'incubators.' Alex's feelings about this weren't address on-screen at the time. So this is really sort of a Missing Scene for two different episodes. :-)
For mother's sake the child was dear,
and dearer was the mother for the child.
- Samuel Taylor Coleridge, English poet
"I don't want you to die."
Their eyes locked, Adam searching for the truth, Alex trying to convey what she knew the boy needed to see. Gunfire continued to echo around them. Alex's eyes flicked to the side just a moment before she threw her arms around him and pushed him down to the ground, her body covering his. They could hear the thud of a bullet hitting the dirt a few inches away. Adam gulped, then nodded.
"Let's get out of here!"
She kept her body between him and the gunfire. They made it back to the car and pulled away, tires squealing, dust flying, while the men in suits covered them. In that, it was similar to the earlier escape from the lab, but this was much more tense, much more dangerous. Adam crouched on the floorboard under the dash on the passenger side and kept his head down, while Alex drove with grim determination.
Finally, the gunfire faded in the distance, and the jouncing of cross-country smoothed out into a paved road. Adam slowly pulled his arms down from around his head and looked up at Alex. She was still tense, but no longer so deadly.
"Can I, uh, sit?"
She nodded once, eyes still scanning the road, the surrounding countryside, and the sky above. Adam eased back onto the seat, his legs protesting being folded so tightly for so long. Mindful of the wild ride so far, he put his seat belt on.
"We'll rendezvous with the semi about ten minutes' drive from here, but we're going to change cars first, make it harder for them to spot us by air."
He rode in silence for a minute, then glanced at the agent nervously.
"So, uh, you really don't want to kill me anymore, right?"
Alex pulled the car to a stop under an overpass. Another late-model car was waiting for them, this one white and much smaller. She put the car in park and turned off the engine before turning to look at Adam.
"I never did want to kill you, Adam." She looked up at the ceiling of the car for a moment, and Adam was astonished to see she was fighting back tears. "God, you don't know how hard I looked for an alternative. The whole team back at the lab did. We tried as long as we could, and then we all kind of lost hope." She turned back to Adam. "I'd never heard of these cryopods until Darien told me about them. I could have kissed him, I was so happy to know we had another option!" Of course, she couldn't do that. She could never let the other agents see her that vulnerable. But the impulse had been there, all the same.
"So I was right? Something bad was going to happen to me back there."
Alex put a hand on his shoulder. She wanted to touch his cheek, his hair, in a motherly, comforting way, but she didn't dare push it that far.
"Adam, something bad was going to happen to you anyway. There was nothing we could do to stop that. But we wanted to try to make sure nobody else got hurt when it happened. I don't think you would want to hurt anyone, right?" Adam nodded reluctantly. "I really hoped...I didn't want you to be hurt, or scared. I wanted to make it easy, quick, quiet, I don't know what. It all sounds so terrible now, but it's a terrible thing they did to you. I guess I just wanted to make things a little less terrible."
"Why take me to that place? Why couldn't I just stay home, with my...." His voice trailed off and he looked away. The sudden, intense loneliness she saw in his eyes told her exactly what was tearing him up inside.
"You overheard me talking to Darien. You heard what I said about your mother."
"I heard you. She's not my mother. She never was." The bitterness in his voice brought tears to her eyes, tears he couldn't see as he looked away out the window. "She's my 'handler.'"
"Did you hear me mention my son?"
"You don't look like a mom."
"Well, I am. His name is James, and he's almost a year old." Her throat tightened up just thinking about her son. Where was he now? Was he safe? Was there anyone to hold him, or love him? But that wasn't what was important to Adam now.
"Recently, I found out that James...might not be mine. That maybe he had a different mother and father. Maybe even some really bad people." It was Alex's turn to look out the window. The tears she fought so hard, every day, to hold back, began to leak out as she finally talked about her son to another human being.
"And you didn't know? How can that happen?"
"Doesn't matter." Alex swallowed convulsively. "I had to...do a lot of thinking...when I found that out." She turned to look at Adam. He was staring back at her, heart in his eyes. "I had to decide whether it mattered to me. Would I stop loving him, if I found out he wasn't my own flesh and blood?"
She turned to him, the tears shining wetly on her face. Maybe it was because she knew that he would be frozen soon, unable to betray her weakness to anyone else. But God, it was a relief to be able to *feel* something, openly, to see that understanding and compassion in another human being's eyes.
"I *love* my son, Adam. It doesn't matter whose genes are inside him. I will never stop loving him, no matter what happens to him, or to me. And I would die to protect him, if I have to. Your *mother*," she said, emphasizing the word, "was torn apart by what was happening. But she knew that, if the worst happened, it wouldn't help you to see her fall apart. If we didn't want you to be scared, she *had* to stay away, for your sake. It was the hardest thing she's ever had to do, and she is a *strong* woman."
Alex opened her door, walked to the backup car, and got in. By the time she'd started the engine and put the car in gear, Adam was opening the passenger side door and getting in beside her.
They drove in silence for several minutes before Adam spoke again.
"Do you think....is there any way I could see her again?" He glanced down at the bracelet on his wrist, already glowing red. "Scratch that. I know. There's no time."
"If I could get her here, I would, Adam. I'm sorry."
"What about a phone call? Do you know where she is now?"
Alex thought for a moment. There was a chance that a cell phone call would give away their position to the enemy, but it was a small one. And they wouldn't stay in one place for very long.
"She doesn't have a number I can reach her at." Adam started to turn away, dejected. "But, if you want to leave her a message...."
"She has a machine?"
"No, but if you leave a message on the tape in my machine, I can make sure she gets it." She shrugged, eyes once again on the road and the skies. "It's the best I can do."
"Okay. At least I can let her know...." He trailed off.
Alex pulled out her cell phone and handed it to him. "Dial star-seven. But keep it short, we don't want Chrysalis to pick up the signal."
The phone rang once, twice, and the voice mail system picked up. There was a pause as Adam tried once to speak and failed, then took a deep breath and tried again.
"Hello, Mom?" Alex hoped she wasn't just imagining the way he emphasized the name. "It's me. I just wanted to....Alex has explained what's going on, and we think maybe there's a way out. I might be on ice for a long time, Mom, but I'm alive, and there's still hope. Someday, when they can fix me, I'll be back, and I'll see you again." His voice broke. "I just wanted to tell you that I love you. No matter what. And I know you love me too. I know." He covered the mouthpiece as he cleared his throat, fighting back a sob. "You take care of yourself. Have a good life. And I hope I'll see you soon."
For a moment he looked like he wanted to say more, but he closed the cell phone resolutely, cutting off the call. They could see the trailer with the cryopod up ahead, Darien leaning out the door watching their approach. Adam handed the cell back to Alex and wiped his eyes with the end of his shirt.
"Don't tell Fawkes I was crying, okay?"
"I won't if you won't," Alex replied. She glanced in the rear view mirror. Her makeup was as tear-proof as advertised, no trace remaining of her own show of weakness.
"Do me a favor? Give James an extra hug for me. And tell him you love him. He needs to know."
Alex felt her throat close up, felt the tears threatening to overflow again, but she couldn't let them loose now, where her colleagues might see. She nodded silently, tightening her control. "I will the very next time I see him," she promised.
****
Author's Note: Darien and Adam had a nice little moment, bonding over the fact that they were both freaks. But I couldn't help but think, that Adam had found out something even more important, to a child. Alex tossed off the comment about his 'handler' so casually, but it had to cut the boy to the heart. I thought that needed addressing, and the parallel to Alex's son just came naturally from there.
***
"And to serve that single issue, lest the generations fail,
The female of the species must be deadlier than the male." -Rudyard Kipling
(Heard that line and just *had* to attach it to Alex! ;-)