The Paper Bag

Your Just Desserts

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Today's Plot bunny:

Saruman argues with the ghost of a lusty dragon that likes eating lunch in Helm's Deep.

Who could resist?

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Saruman waltzed through Helm's Deep. The wind was whistling happily, the sun was shining gaily, and his tie-dyed robes fluttered happily in the breeze, giving a few passerbys a better look than they would have necessarily liked.

All in all, Saruman was pretty darn pleased with himself. Sure… his staff had been broken by that ingrate Gandalf whatever-color-he-was. Sure, he had to run away from his cozy mountainside home to escape murderous Ents. Sure, he was basically destined to die within the next few months or so.

But those were all trivial things.

It was then that Saruman came upon a huge cloud of fog that hovered by a small grove of trees. Curious, the former-wizard approached it. The closer he got, the more defined the cloud became, until Saruman could see, quite clearly, that it was a dragon. Well… the ghost of a dragon at least.

The dragon looked over. "Well… hello." It purred, licking its lips. Saruman had the strangest feeling that it was not because it was hungry.

"Uh… greetings, monstrous foggy dragon." Saruman said politely.

The dragon-ghost leaned it's misty head in towards Saruman, an odd glint it it's incandescent eyes. "My… you're looking awfully nice today, proud old man… care for a nice romp in my den?"

"Normally," Saruman said graciously, "I would like nothing better. But seeing as you are both a dragon and a ghost, I don't think it's quite feasible."

The dragon sat back on its ghostly haunches and began sobbing. "Everyone just HAS to bring that up!"

Saruman waited a few minutes. When the dragon sniffled back it's last few tears, he ventured, "So… what brings a dragon-ghost to Helm's Deep?"

The dragon wiped a large, fiery tear off of his eye. The tear fell to the ground, of course causing no problems, as it was, after all, not really there. "I… liked eating lunch here, very long ago…" It began.

"How can you eat? You're dead." Saruman said, with a certain lack of tact.

The dragon frowned. "I know! But… I kept on trying… but no matter how many times I snapped at the passing Men, they just walked right through me…" He took a bite at a nearby horseman. His jaws passed harmlessly through the man and horse, but the horse spooked, taking off, carrying his rider far, far away. "See?" The dragon asked miserably.

"Yes, I see. Dreadfully sorry, old chap." Saruman said, and was about to continue onwards, when the dragon stopped him.

"Are you SURE you won't take me up on my offer for a nice romp in my caverns?" It asked, once again casting sultry glances at the former-wizard.

"QUITE sure." Saruman said firmly, and walked on.

As the dragon was a ghost, it couldn't stop him, and watched Saruman walk away, fiery tears in it's great, ghostly eyes.

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