The Slagpit Interviews
"An Evening With the Wolf Warrior"
A Slagpit Production
An Almost TransFormers Fanfic
(Slagpit paces back and forth in a large studio while the rest of the Trans Misfits, sans LunarFormer, stand off to the side, many of which are looking concerned. Finally, Wolfbane steps forward.)
"Slagpit, what's the matter?"
What's the matter? LF has been missing all this time and you ask what's the matter?
(scene cuts to a picture of LunarFormer, surrounded by eevees, vampiric kiwis, yellow squeaky toy ducks, and a ranting white and blue Decepticon [see any of Albedo's more current stories {such as 'The Wreck', and 'The Experiment'}and the reviews of those stories for details.], then cuts back to the studio.)
"Oh, you know him, he probably transformed somewhere and his transformation cog got jammed. That would be just his luck."
Still…normally, he at least radios in…I want you all to go and search for him. First to find him gets…um…their own one shot story. Wolfbane, you stay here.
(there is a loud cry of excitement as all the Trans Misfits but Wolfbane start running for the door.)
"Aw…why can't I go?"
You already have your own series. Why would you need a one shot? Besides, I like to have the guest of the most recent recording of The Slagpit Interviews around, just for fun.
"You're gonna show that?"
Yup.
"Tonight?"
YES, Wolf. Now then, the disclaimer…aw, shucks, everyone reading this knows it by now. TransFormers and all related elements belongs to Hasbro, Takara, Sunbow, Marvel Productions, Dreamwave Comics, Istambul, Constantinople…
"Istambul IS Constantinople, and I doubt that that city owns TransFormers, Slagpit."
Riiiiight…sorry. Anyway, if you have any problems with TransFormers, take it up with them. I own a modest TransFormers collection, as well as the Trans Misfits, a puppy dog, a PlayStation, an N64, a Dreamcast…
"STOP RAMBLING!"
Sorry. All events taking place in this fic are made up, and were prerecorded in front of a dead audience. All your base are belong to us. We are the ants that spoil your picnic. A horse is a horse, of course, of course…
"Just roll the film."
………………………………………………………………………………………………
Tonight, I have arranged a meeting with none other than Wolfbane, the star of our flagship series, THE WOLFBANE CHRONICLES! He is probably best known around Cybertron as the leader of the Autobot Resistance. He is Wolfbane, and I'm honored to have a chance to meet with him in his inner sanctum.
(the camera pulls back, showing Wolfbane's room, with a new bed in place of the one that was vaporized by the sonic screwdriver back in Wolfbane Chronicles: Spark's Love Saga: Part 2: Home Is Where You Don't Belong. The walls are covered in weapons racks, ranging from medieval swords to rocket launchers to things that are too advanced for human science to have an equal to them. Wolfbane is sitting in a large, wheeled, spinning chair with ornately carved armrests. Slagpit is sitting in a similar chair facing him. Wolfbane is wearing his flight jacket, the blue hooded sweatjacket seen in the same Saga of the Chronicles, Part One: Enter Wolfbane.)
Thank you for meeting with me. I know how busy your schedule is…
Wolfbane: It's not too busy, since you haven't written anything for the Chronicles recently, and the numbers in the ranks of the resistance are dwindling at an alarming rate.
Yes, well, I can't help the first part.
Wolfbane: Whatever.
Well, let's get on with the questions, shall we? First of all, I was wondering…mind explaining the history of the Resistance to our readers?
Wolfbane: Ah, yes, the Resistance. Well, at the "end" of the Great War, yes, some of the Decepticons were given amnesty; Soundwave, Ravage, Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, Thrust, Thundercracker, Dirge, Skywarp, and a few others. I didn't mind that. Megatron was sentenced to annihilation. I had no problem with that. Heck, I SUPPORTED that. I was on the firing squad! The others were sentenced to banishment. That's where I had problems. I knew, as well as others, that the banished Decepticons would find some way to cause problems. So a group of us that didn't support the verdict there formed an underground group that wanted to hunt down the exiled Decepticons and give them what they deserved…annihilation.
So what does that have to do with the Maximals?
Wolfbane: I'm getting to that. Now, after that, new political groups formed…one that seemed to love beurocracy way too much, and one that was just too much like the old Decepticon ideal of "We should be trying to take over the universe!" These two sides became known as Maximals and Predicons. They were still at peace, but the Preds had taken the initiative of moving their followers, many of whom were Decepticons who had received amnesty, to a moon base. Clearly, these paper pushers weren't about to allow us to fight this new evil, so we remained true to our Autobot titles. Nowadays, though…we have less of the old stock which believed in our cause, so they keep wandering over to the Preds or the Maxis, and then there's all of our old guard, who are retiring from service. Most recently, Rodimus himself stepped down from leadership, as well as Ultra Magnus. I have been elected leader of the resistance now, which takes quite a bit of time.
(cut to Slagpit, who suffers from ADHD, and during that long speech, started to wander around looking over the weapons.)
Wolfbane: Anything else?
Hmm? Oh…right…the interview. Well, I'm sure we would all love to know a bit more about your relationship with Lifewing…
Wolfbane: I don't want to cause a dramatic change in the rating of this thing, Slagpit.
(Slagpit snickers) Right. Let's see…ah, yes…why is it you kick any and all doors open?
Wolfbane: Ever tried it? It's a great stress reliever.
Ah.
Wolfbane: and it's fun.
Really?
Wolfbane: Sure. Give it a try!
OK! (Slagpit wanders over to the door, and kicks it, only to realize that an Autobot kicking the door open to his own room, a door made of someodd inches of solid metal, would be much different from a human kicking the same door. Namely, the autobot wouldn't get a broken foot.) OW!
Wolfbane: Ouch…I didn't mean here.
Now he clarifies. Fortunately, I heal quickly. Next, about Darkbane…
Wolfbane (in a low growl): What about him?
Well, firstly, people are looking forward to my interview with him…
Wolfbane: WHAT?! Ridiculous…why?
People like Decepticons. Don't ask me…sometimes there's no accounting for taste.
Wolfbane: any reason for this realization for me?
You seen him around? He wasn't at the "Enslavement" when I stopped by there…
Wolfbane: No, I haven't. but when I do, I'll make sure to make sure I never have to see him again.
Ok. Also, why is it you can't kill Darkbane, exactly?
Wolfbane: Well…his spark is my spark. Since he is actively a second half of me, half of my spark is his. That's why he has no spark…
Ah. That makes sense.
………………………………………………………………………………………………
Um, no offence to anyone, but I'm gonna have to make this a two parter, I'm falling asleep at the keys here. So, until I get back and finish this chapter…or am I finished this chapter….
"I don't know, Slagpit."
I'll just leave with a thanks for reading, and a PLEASE RESPOND OR WE'LL…um…KILL THIS PIKACHU! (pulls out a pikachu, which he dangles in front of a hungry Wolfbane.)
"Man, you know I love to eat Pikas…"
"An Evening With the Wolf Warrior"
A Slagpit Production
An Almost TransFormers Fanfic
(Slagpit paces back and forth in a large studio while the rest of the Trans Misfits, sans LunarFormer, stand off to the side, many of which are looking concerned. Finally, Wolfbane steps forward.)
"Slagpit, what's the matter?"
What's the matter? LF has been missing all this time and you ask what's the matter?
(scene cuts to a picture of LunarFormer, surrounded by eevees, vampiric kiwis, yellow squeaky toy ducks, and a ranting white and blue Decepticon [see any of Albedo's more current stories {such as 'The Wreck', and 'The Experiment'}and the reviews of those stories for details.], then cuts back to the studio.)
"Oh, you know him, he probably transformed somewhere and his transformation cog got jammed. That would be just his luck."
Still…normally, he at least radios in…I want you all to go and search for him. First to find him gets…um…their own one shot story. Wolfbane, you stay here.
(there is a loud cry of excitement as all the Trans Misfits but Wolfbane start running for the door.)
"Aw…why can't I go?"
You already have your own series. Why would you need a one shot? Besides, I like to have the guest of the most recent recording of The Slagpit Interviews around, just for fun.
"You're gonna show that?"
Yup.
"Tonight?"
YES, Wolf. Now then, the disclaimer…aw, shucks, everyone reading this knows it by now. TransFormers and all related elements belongs to Hasbro, Takara, Sunbow, Marvel Productions, Dreamwave Comics, Istambul, Constantinople…
"Istambul IS Constantinople, and I doubt that that city owns TransFormers, Slagpit."
Riiiiight…sorry. Anyway, if you have any problems with TransFormers, take it up with them. I own a modest TransFormers collection, as well as the Trans Misfits, a puppy dog, a PlayStation, an N64, a Dreamcast…
"STOP RAMBLING!"
Sorry. All events taking place in this fic are made up, and were prerecorded in front of a dead audience. All your base are belong to us. We are the ants that spoil your picnic. A horse is a horse, of course, of course…
"Just roll the film."
………………………………………………………………………………………………
Tonight, I have arranged a meeting with none other than Wolfbane, the star of our flagship series, THE WOLFBANE CHRONICLES! He is probably best known around Cybertron as the leader of the Autobot Resistance. He is Wolfbane, and I'm honored to have a chance to meet with him in his inner sanctum.
(the camera pulls back, showing Wolfbane's room, with a new bed in place of the one that was vaporized by the sonic screwdriver back in Wolfbane Chronicles: Spark's Love Saga: Part 2: Home Is Where You Don't Belong. The walls are covered in weapons racks, ranging from medieval swords to rocket launchers to things that are too advanced for human science to have an equal to them. Wolfbane is sitting in a large, wheeled, spinning chair with ornately carved armrests. Slagpit is sitting in a similar chair facing him. Wolfbane is wearing his flight jacket, the blue hooded sweatjacket seen in the same Saga of the Chronicles, Part One: Enter Wolfbane.)
Thank you for meeting with me. I know how busy your schedule is…
Wolfbane: It's not too busy, since you haven't written anything for the Chronicles recently, and the numbers in the ranks of the resistance are dwindling at an alarming rate.
Yes, well, I can't help the first part.
Wolfbane: Whatever.
Well, let's get on with the questions, shall we? First of all, I was wondering…mind explaining the history of the Resistance to our readers?
Wolfbane: Ah, yes, the Resistance. Well, at the "end" of the Great War, yes, some of the Decepticons were given amnesty; Soundwave, Ravage, Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, Thrust, Thundercracker, Dirge, Skywarp, and a few others. I didn't mind that. Megatron was sentenced to annihilation. I had no problem with that. Heck, I SUPPORTED that. I was on the firing squad! The others were sentenced to banishment. That's where I had problems. I knew, as well as others, that the banished Decepticons would find some way to cause problems. So a group of us that didn't support the verdict there formed an underground group that wanted to hunt down the exiled Decepticons and give them what they deserved…annihilation.
So what does that have to do with the Maximals?
Wolfbane: I'm getting to that. Now, after that, new political groups formed…one that seemed to love beurocracy way too much, and one that was just too much like the old Decepticon ideal of "We should be trying to take over the universe!" These two sides became known as Maximals and Predicons. They were still at peace, but the Preds had taken the initiative of moving their followers, many of whom were Decepticons who had received amnesty, to a moon base. Clearly, these paper pushers weren't about to allow us to fight this new evil, so we remained true to our Autobot titles. Nowadays, though…we have less of the old stock which believed in our cause, so they keep wandering over to the Preds or the Maxis, and then there's all of our old guard, who are retiring from service. Most recently, Rodimus himself stepped down from leadership, as well as Ultra Magnus. I have been elected leader of the resistance now, which takes quite a bit of time.
(cut to Slagpit, who suffers from ADHD, and during that long speech, started to wander around looking over the weapons.)
Wolfbane: Anything else?
Hmm? Oh…right…the interview. Well, I'm sure we would all love to know a bit more about your relationship with Lifewing…
Wolfbane: I don't want to cause a dramatic change in the rating of this thing, Slagpit.
(Slagpit snickers) Right. Let's see…ah, yes…why is it you kick any and all doors open?
Wolfbane: Ever tried it? It's a great stress reliever.
Ah.
Wolfbane: and it's fun.
Really?
Wolfbane: Sure. Give it a try!
OK! (Slagpit wanders over to the door, and kicks it, only to realize that an Autobot kicking the door open to his own room, a door made of someodd inches of solid metal, would be much different from a human kicking the same door. Namely, the autobot wouldn't get a broken foot.) OW!
Wolfbane: Ouch…I didn't mean here.
Now he clarifies. Fortunately, I heal quickly. Next, about Darkbane…
Wolfbane (in a low growl): What about him?
Well, firstly, people are looking forward to my interview with him…
Wolfbane: WHAT?! Ridiculous…why?
People like Decepticons. Don't ask me…sometimes there's no accounting for taste.
Wolfbane: any reason for this realization for me?
You seen him around? He wasn't at the "Enslavement" when I stopped by there…
Wolfbane: No, I haven't. but when I do, I'll make sure to make sure I never have to see him again.
Ok. Also, why is it you can't kill Darkbane, exactly?
Wolfbane: Well…his spark is my spark. Since he is actively a second half of me, half of my spark is his. That's why he has no spark…
Ah. That makes sense.
………………………………………………………………………………………………
Um, no offence to anyone, but I'm gonna have to make this a two parter, I'm falling asleep at the keys here. So, until I get back and finish this chapter…or am I finished this chapter….
"I don't know, Slagpit."
I'll just leave with a thanks for reading, and a PLEASE RESPOND OR WE'LL…um…KILL THIS PIKACHU! (pulls out a pikachu, which he dangles in front of a hungry Wolfbane.)
"Man, you know I love to eat Pikas…"