Disclaimer: see part 1
Chain of Command
Part 10
Regain
By Random1377
"And to the last… she thought of her loved ones…"
Misato closed her eyes as Asuka continued the short eulogy, wishing she could be anywhere else.
"And even though she's gone," the redhead went on, "we have a duty to honor her memory… and carry on."
Asuka turned away from the assembled pilots, and they rose to their feet.
"We salute you," she whispered, bowing her head over the empty casket, "you who have gone before us… you who have made the ultimate sacrifice… you who will always be carried next to our hearts."
All of the pilots saluted, holding the stance until Asuka finally joined them.
"Godspeed, Veronique…" she whispered, "you will be missed…"
She closed her eyes, trying not to hear the sobbing of the woman's husband as the casket was slowly lowered into the earth.
One by one, the pilots approached, offering a final word, or simply a nod of respect to the woman that had lost her life battling the angels.
"Asuka…"
The acting Commander opened her eyes as a hand rested on her shoulder. "What is it, Angie?" she asked, her voice hollow.
"It wasn't your fault…" her friend whispered, squeezing gently, "you know that, right?"
Asuka took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I gave the order," she replied, still replaying the fight in her mind, "I could have found another way…"
"Don't be stupid," Misato said, coming up on the young woman's other side, "you made a combat decision… anyone would have done the same. And if you had hesitated, Unit 10 would have been taken completely over… then one of the other Children would have had to destroy it – and she would have ended up dying at the hands of one of her friends."
"She died terrified, Misato…" Asuka whispered, her voice thick with emotion, "screaming her husband's name… begging someone to help her – to save her… and I'm the one who ordered her to blow Unit 10 up… I killed her…"
Misato turned the girl around and took hold of her shoulders. "Now you listen to me," she said fiercely, "you are the Commander of NERV. It's your job to defeat the angels, and you DID YOUR JOB!!"
Asuka looked from her former guardian to her friend, then down at the ground. "I'm… not allowed to cry," she whispered, "a Commander isn't supposed to feel bad about using the tools at her disposal to get the job done. Wondergirl wouldn't cry… Commander Ikari wouldn't have cried… so I can't either…"
"Asuka…" the purple-haired woman said gently, "a Commander is human too…"
"Don't try and make me feel better," the redhead replied tiredly, "not with Veronique… and Shinji… just don't, ok?"
"Shinji'll be just fine," Angelica said, smiling softly, "he's… got a lot of stamina. Besides, he's regained consciousness."
"For five minutes," Asuka said, wrapping her arms around herself, "and I wasn't even with him."
"Yeah," Angelica admitted, "but he did wake up. The doctors said he'd be back out for a day or two due to the trauma… but they said him waking up when he did was a really good thing."
"I should be with him," Asuka whispered, "not pretending to be Commander…"
"Pull yourself together," Misato said, folding her arms and staring the redhead down, "you're alive… and Shinji's alive… and everyone else is alive but her – don't cheapen her death by wallowing in self-pity. She was a good woman, and you're making her sacrifice worthless!"
"A needless sacrifice," Asuka said, starting to turn away, "if I-"
Misato's slap came like a bolt of lightning, catching the Second Child across the cheek with a sharp crack. "Shut up!" she snapped, "You're pissing all over her memory. This isn't about you, goddamnit!"
Asuka put a hand on her cheek, staring at the enraged Operations Director with wide eyes.
"Yes, she's dead," Misato growled, "and yes, you did give the order that destroyed Unit 10 – but you didn't know that one would cause the other! Fuck, if I had been in charge, I would have given the very same command! Now stop all this whining – it's pissing me off!"
"I should have let you lead," Asuka whispered softly.
"Well, you didn't," the purple-haired woman replied, "and I didn't question your order, or your reasoning… but now you need to pull it together and get back on track." She smiled suddenly, "Do you think Rei would let this stop her?"
"Fuck you," the other woman retorted, her eyes flashing, "don't you dare compare me to that doll."
"Maybe we should all just take a deep breath," Angelica suggested, "maybe calm down juuuuust a bit…"
Both women glared at her, and she raised her hands defensively, taking a step back.
"Or not."
Asuka sighed. "I'm going to check on Shinji," she announced, "then I'm going to the command deck… then I'm going home. Hines can handle the clean up."
Misato nodded. "Fair enough," she said quietly, "but think about what I said, Asuka… don't let this own you. Be thankful that you're alive."
The redhead pondered this for a moment, finally offering the other woman a small smile. "I'm going to see Shinji…" she said softly, "and I'm going to kiss him – I don't care what the doctor's say. Because I am glad to be alive, Misato… I just wish she could be too…"
Angelica watched in silence as her friend walked off, envying her the love that she had… and remembering the gentle arms that had held her close in her darkest hour.
"You look thoughtful," Misato observed.
"Just remembering a mistake I made," the Ninth Child replied, staring at the path the redhead had taken.
"Care to share?" the Operations Director offered, "Kaji's home with Reiko… so I'm buying."
Angelica turned to her and smiled sadly. "No," she answered.
Misato sighed as the young woman headed towards her car. –Guess I'll be drinking alone, then…- she thought.
She paused to take a final look at the plain, as of yet unmarked grave… shivering as she considered how easily it could have been someone she loved – or herself – that lost their life.
Shaking herself, she walked away, going to seek refuge in the depths of inebriation… much as her adopted son might have had he not be injured.
Though that was a connection that wouldn't be made for her for several days…
**
"She is… taking it hard?" Rei inquired softly.
"Yeah," Maya replied, scrubbing a hand through her hair, "she feels like it was her fault…"
"I see…" the blue-haired girl said thoughtfully.
"The Positron Pistol was damaged," the brown-haired woman said after a moment, longing to change the subject, "it can be repaired… but it will take some time."
"And time, we do not seem to have…" Rei said sadly, "two angels at once… all of our research says this should be impossible."
"Well," Maya said, getting to her feet, "let's hope it's not three next time…"
"Indeed," the red-eyed girl answered, "thank you for visiting me, Misses Ibuki… it was pleasant."
"I'll give you a dollar if you call me Maya," the older woman said lightly.
"I…" Rei found herself at a loss for words.
"Never mind," Maya said, waving a hand, "old joke. I'll talk to you later, Rei."
"I look forward to it…"
As the brown-haired woman departed, Kensuke came back into the room. Maya had been forced to ask him to leave, as some of the information was deemed top secret… but he had not strayed far.
"How are you feeling?" he inquired, taking his usual seat by her bed, "Do you need anything?"
Rei considered this. "I do not require anything," she said quietly, "but I would like to ask something, Kensuke…"
"What is it?" he wondered, curious to find out why she was studying him so intently.
"What do you feel for me?" she asked softly.
"You uhhh… don't beat around the bush, do you?" he chuckled, blushing slightly.
"I see no reason to," the blue-haired girl said levelly, "I believe that honesty should be used whenever possible…"
His eyes widened as she gently laid her hand over his… the first time she had touched him without him touching her first.
"I like you Kensuke," she said plainly, "I do not see a reason to conceal that…"
"People… might find it inappropriate…" he pointed out, staring at her pale hand as if hypnotized.
"I am not saying that I want you to announce your feelings to the entire staff," she whispered, "but I would like to know what they are…"
Slowly he looked up into her crimson eyes. "I like you Rei…" he said quietly, "I like you a lot…"
She nodded, "I suspected that when you kissed me," she said, entirely serious, "but I wanted to be certain that that was not merely a reaction to seeing your commanding officer wounded."
He smiled, "If it was Ikari in that bed," he said, winking, "I wouldn't have kissed him… believe me."
"What about Asuka?" Rei inquired.
"You're serious," Kensuke said softly.
"I am curious," she corrected him, "I merely wanted to know if it was emotion… or sense of duty that motivated you to kiss me…"
"And have I answered your question satisfactorily?" he inquired, shaking his head in wonder. –You'd have to have a pretty strong sense of duty to kiss your commander over it,- he thought, -every time I think she's getting a little more normal… she throws me a curveball…-
"Yes," she answered, "however… this leads me to a second."
He raised an eyebrow. "Ask away," he said. –Can't be any more awkward than the first…- he thought wryly.
Of course he was wrong.
"Why have you not kissed me again?"
"Uhhh…" he looked away.
"Do you no longer wish to be physical with me?" she asked, tilting her head to the side.
"No, I do!" he said quickly, "I just… I didn't know if you wanted that…"
"You are considerate," she said, smiling softly, "and kind. I will tell you, then…"
His breath caught as she stared into his eyes.
"I am not… experienced in interacting with people on a personal level," she said slowly, "but I do like you, Kensuke, and since you like me as well, I believe that we should explore the possibility of a relationship."
In spite of his best efforts, Kensuke could not contain a small laugh.
"What is amusing?" Rei inquired, confused.
"Nothing, really…" he said, smiling gently, "it's just that… the way you put it sounds so clinical and detached."
She flushed slightly, "As I said, I am not experienced in-"
He leaned forward and kissed her, cutting her off in mid-sentence.
The second kiss was much longer than the first, but no less passionate. When it finally broke, Rei was flushed a brilliant shade of red. "Kensuke…" she breathed, "that… I…"
"Shhh…" he whispered, pressing his finger against her lips, "let's not talk for a while, ok?" he said gently, "Sometimes interacting with people means not saying anything…"
She nodded slowly, then closed her eyes as he began leaning down once more.
**
Asuka sighed as she pulled her keys from her pocket.
"What a crappy day," she muttered, "first all the shit at work… and now the elevator's broken…"
She came up short as she reached the top stair and spotted Hikari waiting for her outside the apartment.
"Hey…" the brown-haired girl said softly, "I heard about what happened from Touji… is Shinji… going to be ok?"
Asuka was down the hall and in Hikari's face before the other girl could draw another breath. "Worried, are you?" the redhead hissed as all of her pain and confusion rushed in on her, "I know about you two."
"It was only once," Hikari whispered, trying unsuccessfully to meet her friend's eyes, "just that one time…"
"And that makes it alright??" Asuka whispered, stunned.
"No," Hikari admitted, "it doesn't. I was confused, and I had had a fight with Touji, and I-"
"So you felt like it was ok to fuck my boyfriend!?" the redhead snapped.
Hikari's eyes widened, and she paled. "W-what?" she gasped.
"Was it good, Hikari?" Asuka asked, wiping her eyes and willing her voice not to break, "Did he stare into your eyes while you were doing it?" her voice became unstable in spite of her efforts, "Like he stares into mine…" she sobbed.
Hikari looked horrified, "Asuka… I-"
"Shut up!!" Asuka screamed, "I thought you were my friend! I can't believe you would do this to me, Hikari!"
"We didn't…" Hikari forced herself to speak that word, knowing it would get her friend's attention, "I didn't… fuck him, Asuka… I… kissed him…"
"What are you talking about?" Asuka demanded, still scrubbing angrily at her eyes, "Shinji told me he slept with someone else!"
"He did??" Hikari asked, her eyes wide.
"It… wasn't you?" Asuka whispered, more confused than she had ever been in her life.
"No," the brown-haired woman replied, "I…" she took a deep breath, staring at the floor as she whispered. "I had a fight with Touji," she began, "and I went out… determined to find a guy to sleep with. 'I'll show him,' I thought…" she uttered a short, bitter laugh, tears starting to run down her face, "can you believe that? Me… going out to find someone to have sex with… just to prove that I could…"
"Must have been some fight," Asuka laughed, still wiping away her tears, "so… what happened?"
Hikari sighed, looking miserable. "I… went out to a bar… and I got drunk." She looked away, "I've never been that drunk in my life, Asuka… I just wanted to let it all go." She shook herself, "Shinji came into the bar," her voice began trembling, but she forced herself to go on, "and we started talking. I asked him to take me home, since I was so hammered, and he was still sober…"
This surprised Asuka. Usually, Shinji got right to the drinking when he went to a bar. –He must have been really worried about her…- she thought.
"Anyway," Hikari went on, "when we got back to my place, I invited him in, and I… oh, God, Asuka… I'm so sorry… I kissed him… hard…" She closed her eyes, remembering the night in question, "I stuck my tongue in his mouth, and I… I grabbed his hand." She covered her mouth, stifling a sob, "I took his hand and I put it on my breast… and I told him to take me…"
Asuka's eyes widened. She could hardly imagine Hikari drunk… but the thought of the always-proper woman demanding sex was almost more than her mind could fathom. "What happened?" Asuka asked, thinking she already knew.
"He… moved his hand down to my side," the other girl whispered, "and he kissed me… really softly," she opened her eyes, a soft smile appearing at the edges of her mouth, "and he told me, 'I don't think this is really what you want…'"
Her own tears now forgotten, Asuka embraced her friend. "Tell me the rest," she said gently.
Hikari nodded. "I told him I did," she said miserably, "I said I was tired of being a one-man girl… and I wanted him to make me dirty." She leaned her head against Asuka's shoulder, "I wanted to be dirty," she whispered, "I was so tired of being a good girl all the time…"
"I never knew," Asuka said quietly.
"Well…" Hikari finished, "he told me he wouldn't do that… he said he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he stained me… and that I wouldn't be able to live with myself, either. He was right," she sighed, "I can hardly stand to look at myself in the mirror now… and all we did was kiss…" She met her friend's eyes, "Asuka, I'm so sorry… I betrayed you. I won't ask you to forgive me for that… but can you still be my friend? Please?"
Asuka smiled, "Of course…" she said soothingly, "it was just a kiss…"
"It wasn't, though…" Hikari said desperately, "I wanted it to be more… and I shouldn't have even done that much…"
"Well, it didn't go further," Asuka said quietly, frowning as she considered that it did with someone else, -Who, though…?-
"I'm sorry…" Hikari whispered again.
"Good," Asuka said teasingly, "maybe this'll teach you to keep your hands off what's mine!"
"Asuka!" Hikari gasped, flushing deeply, "I…"
"Oh hush," the redhead, smiling broadly, "let's stop talking about it now…"
"Ok…" the other girl replied, wiping her eyes.
They lapsed into silence, each caught up in their own thoughts.
Hikari thinking that she was lucky for having one of the best friends in the whole world… Asuka thinking that, in light of Hikari's description of his actions, perhaps there was more to her lover's affair than he was letting on.
And both of them thinking that they were glad they had each other.
Continued…
Author's notes: Ha… didn't see that coming, did you? Well, maybe you did… like I said, I'm not that subtle. :P
Ryoma once again gets thanks for pre-reading. Cuz without him… this story wouldn't be as good. ^_^
Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com