Welcome to the remake of 'Valentine's Day Chaos!', the fanfic that screwed
up all the wonderful romances of Final Fantasy! :D This is a sequel, sorta,
to 'Christmas Chaos!' but you don't have to read that first. It's also the
prequel to 'Halloween Chaos!' Anyway, this fic was co-authored and co-
hosted by my favorite author ever, Pyra the Dragon Girl. ^_^ Characters
from FFVII-X, CT, and CC are included. Enjoy!!!
Disclaimer: Square owns everything except Pyra and Valentine's day... I think...
~*~
CHAPTER I
A weird planet in the middle of nowhere is shown. The scene goes to the inside of a castle on that planet. Akari and Pyra, the authors, are shown having breakfast.
Pyra: Pass the coffee.
Akari: Are you gonna be hyper?
Pyra: No. Gimme the coffee.
Akari: You're sure you won't be hyper?
Pyra: GIMME THE FRIKKIN' COFFEE!!!
Pyra snatches the coffee jug from Akari.
Pyra: *drinks a cup* See, that's all I was gonna have. ^^
Akari: Alright... Put down the jug.
Pyra puts the jug down and Akari turns away. While Akari isn't watching, Pyra grabs the jug again and drinks the whole thing. O.o
Akari: *turns back to Pyra* I have a lot of stuff to do today. Find the FF characters, force them to go to Tifa's, make everyone drunk, maybe even naked...
Pyra: Whatever. *gets up and runs around the room, thanks to the coffee*
Akari: I figured since it was Valentine's Day, I could invite Auron over there for you. As long as you don't do weird stuff.
Pyra: Auron? YAY YAY YAY!!!!!!!! =DDD
Akari: Okay, I'd better go. *disappears*
Pyra takes out a box of chocolate. She eats all of it, takes out another box, and eats all of that.
Pyra: So, I'll see Auron tonight... :}
Pyra takes out a box, some liquor, and a bag of cherries.
Pyra: Hee hee!!! *starts working on something*
Now in the afternoon, in Tifa's Seventh Heaven... Everyone is sprawled through the room, doing weird things.
Red XIII: This is mad!
Cait Sith: Yeah, look at these people!!
Yuffie is stuffing her face with chocolates, Vincent is obsessing over how his last name is Valentine, Shera is cooking 'food' and laughing madly, Barret and Cid are drunkedly singing the Irish Drinking Song, and strange noises are coming from the closet. O_o;;
Barret and Cid: *hic* Hidey didey...
Red XIII: We should stop this, Cait.
Cait Sith: Yeah, but how?...
Suddenly a strange noise is heard. A package drops through the mail slot at the door.
Cait Sith: Hmm... *picks up the package and reads the back* To the hottest guy in the world. Love, your secret admirer.
Red XIII: Who is it for??
Yuffie: Who cares? Gimme it!!!
Yuffie grabs the package and tears it apart. Inside is a box of liquor cherries.
Yuffie: LIQUOR!!!!! =DDD *stuffs her face with the cherries*
Cait Sith: We have to find out who the candy is for...
Red XIII: Well, it must be for one of the guys who are here now.
Cait Sith walks over to the closet door and opens it. Cloud and Tifa fall out. O_O
Cait Sith: o.O Cloud's taken.
Red XIII: Barret's really old.
Cait Sith: Cid is... Well, he's a fugly smoking swearing bastard.
Cid: *grin* So true. *coughs up a cigarette O.o*
Red XIII: o.O So, it must be for Vincent.
Cait Sith: Someone's in love with you...
Vincent: Hmm... *stares at Yuffie strangely*
Yuffie: *stops eating* What are you lookin' at? Stop looking at me. I said, STOP! CUT IT OUT!!! I HATE YOU!!! ARRRRRRRRGGH!!!! *starts throwing random objects at Vincent*
Vincent: *ducks a flying chair* Er... My theory was very wrong.
Cait Sith: Yuffie's out of the question anyway. She was in the bar the whole time.
Yuffie: How do you know?
Red XIII: Erm... O.o
Suddenly Akari appears.
Akari: Hi!! I'm here to invite you all to a Valentine's Day party, hosted by me and Pyra!
Cloud: Pyra?! Keep her away!!! I'm not going to the party!
Akari: Er... Actually, the party's here.
Tifa: NOOOOO!!!!! Who gave you permission to use my bar?!
Akari: I dunno.
Tifa: Well, I guess if you don't invite a lot of peop--
Akari: Well, I have to go invite all the FFVIII, IX, X, CC, and CT people. Bye! *disappears*
Tifa: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Yuffie: *finishes eating the candy* Hope they bring more liquor... *drool*
Meanwhile, in the FFVIII world... Rinoa and Squall are eating in the cafeteria in the Garden.
Rinoa: Why did we have to come here for our romantic Valentine's Day dinner?!
Squall: It was the only place I could book.
Rinoa picks up a limp hot dog.
Rinoa: *shudder* Ehh...
Squall: I dunno, I think these are delicious. *scarfs down a hot dog*
Rinoa: Ugh... *faints*
Squall: Uh-oh... Rinoa?
Suddenly Rinoa's cell phone rings.
Squall: Oh well, might as well answer it. *picks up the phone* Hello?
Akari: Hello, Rinoa.
Squall: This is Squall. Rinoa isn't conscious right now. Please leave a message after the beep................................................... BEEP!!!! Heh heh, I always wanted to do that.
Akari: O_o;; Uh, yeah... Anyway, Pyra and I are throwing a party at Tifa's tonight. Are you and Rinoa and everyone else coming?
Squall suddenly has a flashback of Pyra chasing him through Garden while he screams for mercy.
Squall: *shudders* Probably not.
Akari: You have to come! Everyone will be there!
Squall: I'll think about it. *hangs up* Pyra is out to get me... Well, maybe Rinoa can protect me! Wait, Rinoa's unconscious. Ah, whatever. *eats another hot dog*
In Alexandria, in Dagger's room...
Dagger: Hey Zidane, wanna go to the Morning Star Bar tonight?
Zidane: A date?
Dagger: No!
Zidane: Oh. In that case...
Dagger: Hey! You don't wanna go cause it's not a date?!
Zidane: Yeah. You know I'm a horny bastard.
Dagger: Oh come on! It may not be a date... I know it's Valentine's Day and you're in love with me doesn't mean it's a date...
Eiko: AAAARGH!!!!! *tackles Dagger*
Vivi: Oh no! It's a chick-fight!
Zidane: YAY!! *grabs some popcorn*
Vivi: No, we have to stop this! It's horrible!
Akari appears. She notices Eiko and Dagger fighting.
Akari: Hey, I know you both love Zidane, but you have to stop fighting NOW!
Dagger and Eiko stop.
Dagger: I don't love Zidane!!!
Zidane: NOOOO!!!!!!!
Akari: *glares at Dagger* Look what you've done.
Zidane leaves the castle, crying.
Akari: How could you!? For the rest of you, Pyra and I are hosting a party at Tifa's tonight.
Vivi: I don't think I can come with Zidane feeling so sad...
Akari: Oh, come on! *cheesy grin*
Vivi: Ah, what the hell. :D
Akari: Great! Pyra can't wait to see you, Vivi. *disappears*
Vivi has a flashback of Pyra glomping him and hugging him to death and squishing his hat.
Vivi: ...NOOOO!!!!
Meanwhile, in Besaid... Akari appears and looks around. She sees a Blitz sphere up ahead. Wakka is playing inside and she runs over.
Akari: Hi!!! *waves*
Wakka: *notices Akari* !!!!!!
Wakka faints. Someone pushes him out of the sphere.
Akari: Um... Dammit.
Akari pulls Wakka over to a nearby hut. She opens the door and gets ready to stuff him inside...
Akari: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
But unfortunately, Tidus and Yuna are making out inside.
Tidus: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Yuna: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Akari: Um... Let's pretend this never happened.
Akari dumps Wakka's body on the ground and runs away. She finds the temple. Lulu, Rikku, and Auron are inside.
Akari: *walks up to Lulu* HI!!! :D
Lulu: *sigh* Hi...
Akari: Wanna come to a party at Tifa's tonight?
Lulu: I can't. Wakka's coming over tonight. I just hope he didn't get drunk and faint in Tidus's house again. Cause then I have to kill him. MWUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Akari: *thinking* Uh-oh... If Lulu finds Wakka in Tidus's house asleep, then she'll think that he got drunk there and she'll kill him... And my conscience is gonna tear me apart until I tell Lulu that it was my fault and then, Lulu will kill me! NO!!!! *sweatdrop* Hey Lulu, I don't think you should just go to the party and forget Wakka. No one really likes him anyway.
Lulu: But...
Akari: Just come. And don't go looking for Wakka tonight. Don't look in Tidus's house, especially.
Lulu: O_o;;
Akari: Uh... I have to go now.
Akari runs toward Rikku.
Akari: Hi, Rikku! =D Wanna come to a party at Tifa's tonight? Everyone will be there.
Rikku: Even Zidane and Kidd and Yuffie?
Akari: Yep.
Rikku: =D YAY! I copied off them, ya know! *holds up an Astral Amulet, a material, and a photo of Dagger* ^_^
Akari: O.o Alrighty, see ya...
Akari nears Auron.
Akari: Hey!
Auron: Hello...
Akari: Remember me? *cheesy grin*
Auron: How could I forget?... *shudders*
Auron has a flashback of acting as Dr. Eggs and Jerry Springer.
Akari: Wanna come to a party at Tifa's tonight?
Auron: Alrighty. As long as I don't have to be Dr. Eggs or Jerry Springer.
Akari: Hopefully you won't. *winks and walks off*
Auron: ...Actually, Dr. Eggs was kinda cool. =D
The scene changes to the CT world. Crono is standing in his room. Akari appears.
Akari: Hi!
Crono: ...
Akari: Talk.
Crono: ...
Akari: TALK.
Crono: ...
Akari: TALK!!!
Crono: ...
Akari: TALK, YOU @#$%^&*!!!!!
Crono: ...
Akari: *sigh* Fine...
Suddenly a strange noise is heard from the closet. Akari walks over.
Crono: No, don't open that!!!
Akari: Aha, so you finally talk! Well, too damn bad.
Akari opens the door. Marle falls out. She's tied up in chains and tape is over her mouth. Akari peels off the tape.
Marle: CRONO, YOU @#$%^&*!!!!!
Akari: My words exactly. *grin*
Marle: He kept me in that closet for days!
Akari: Crono, how could you?
Crono: Hey, I was just making her my love slave.
Akari: EW!!! *throws up*
Marle: Hmph. I'm leaving.
Akari: Wait! You have to come to Tifa's tonight. There's gonna be a party.
Crono: Oooh, I wanna come!
Akari: Alrighty. Bring everyone else. And Marle, remember, violence is bad. *wink wink*
Akari disappears.
Marle: *smiles sweetly* Crono, you're gonna pay! *starts whacking Crono with random objects*
Crono: *whack* Ow! *whack* Hey, stop hitting me! *whack* No, not there! Please, don't hit me there... *WHACK* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now in the CC land... Akari arrives. Kidd and Serge are sitting on Opassa Beach.
Akari: HI! *cheesy grin*
Kidd: *sigh* You ruined the moment...
Akari: There was no moment. Serge doesn't even speak.
Kidd: Well, I guess you're right...
Akari: Wanna go to a party at Tifa's tonight?
Kidd: Sure.
Akari: And Serge?
Serge: Yeah.
Akari: O_O You talked!
Serge: Ya. =DDD
Akari: You're not evil, are you?
Serge: *sweatdrop* No...
Kidd: You sure?
Serge: *sweating severly* Yes...
Akari: Alrighty. *disappears*
Now, Akari is shown back in the castle she was in previously. Pyra is typing fics on a laptop.
Akari: HI!
Pyra: HI!
They laugh evilly.
Akari: I invited everyone to the party.
Pyra: WOOHOO! Can't wait to see all those FF guys! =DDD
Akari: ...Have you been eating chocolate and drinking coffee?
Pyra: NO! How dare you acuse me of that?!
Akari: O.o Alright, sorry...
Pyra returns to typing.
Pyra: MWUAHAHAHA!!!!! WE SHALL DOMINATE!!!!!!!!
Akari: Yes, we'll rule Fanficition.net!!!
Pyra: ...Yeah. *coughs*
Akari: o.O Anyway, I have to go annoy more FF people! ^^ *disappears*
~*~
Please review! ^_^
Disclaimer: Square owns everything except Pyra and Valentine's day... I think...
~*~
CHAPTER I
A weird planet in the middle of nowhere is shown. The scene goes to the inside of a castle on that planet. Akari and Pyra, the authors, are shown having breakfast.
Pyra: Pass the coffee.
Akari: Are you gonna be hyper?
Pyra: No. Gimme the coffee.
Akari: You're sure you won't be hyper?
Pyra: GIMME THE FRIKKIN' COFFEE!!!
Pyra snatches the coffee jug from Akari.
Pyra: *drinks a cup* See, that's all I was gonna have. ^^
Akari: Alright... Put down the jug.
Pyra puts the jug down and Akari turns away. While Akari isn't watching, Pyra grabs the jug again and drinks the whole thing. O.o
Akari: *turns back to Pyra* I have a lot of stuff to do today. Find the FF characters, force them to go to Tifa's, make everyone drunk, maybe even naked...
Pyra: Whatever. *gets up and runs around the room, thanks to the coffee*
Akari: I figured since it was Valentine's Day, I could invite Auron over there for you. As long as you don't do weird stuff.
Pyra: Auron? YAY YAY YAY!!!!!!!! =DDD
Akari: Okay, I'd better go. *disappears*
Pyra takes out a box of chocolate. She eats all of it, takes out another box, and eats all of that.
Pyra: So, I'll see Auron tonight... :}
Pyra takes out a box, some liquor, and a bag of cherries.
Pyra: Hee hee!!! *starts working on something*
Now in the afternoon, in Tifa's Seventh Heaven... Everyone is sprawled through the room, doing weird things.
Red XIII: This is mad!
Cait Sith: Yeah, look at these people!!
Yuffie is stuffing her face with chocolates, Vincent is obsessing over how his last name is Valentine, Shera is cooking 'food' and laughing madly, Barret and Cid are drunkedly singing the Irish Drinking Song, and strange noises are coming from the closet. O_o;;
Barret and Cid: *hic* Hidey didey...
Red XIII: We should stop this, Cait.
Cait Sith: Yeah, but how?...
Suddenly a strange noise is heard. A package drops through the mail slot at the door.
Cait Sith: Hmm... *picks up the package and reads the back* To the hottest guy in the world. Love, your secret admirer.
Red XIII: Who is it for??
Yuffie: Who cares? Gimme it!!!
Yuffie grabs the package and tears it apart. Inside is a box of liquor cherries.
Yuffie: LIQUOR!!!!! =DDD *stuffs her face with the cherries*
Cait Sith: We have to find out who the candy is for...
Red XIII: Well, it must be for one of the guys who are here now.
Cait Sith walks over to the closet door and opens it. Cloud and Tifa fall out. O_O
Cait Sith: o.O Cloud's taken.
Red XIII: Barret's really old.
Cait Sith: Cid is... Well, he's a fugly smoking swearing bastard.
Cid: *grin* So true. *coughs up a cigarette O.o*
Red XIII: o.O So, it must be for Vincent.
Cait Sith: Someone's in love with you...
Vincent: Hmm... *stares at Yuffie strangely*
Yuffie: *stops eating* What are you lookin' at? Stop looking at me. I said, STOP! CUT IT OUT!!! I HATE YOU!!! ARRRRRRRRGGH!!!! *starts throwing random objects at Vincent*
Vincent: *ducks a flying chair* Er... My theory was very wrong.
Cait Sith: Yuffie's out of the question anyway. She was in the bar the whole time.
Yuffie: How do you know?
Red XIII: Erm... O.o
Suddenly Akari appears.
Akari: Hi!! I'm here to invite you all to a Valentine's Day party, hosted by me and Pyra!
Cloud: Pyra?! Keep her away!!! I'm not going to the party!
Akari: Er... Actually, the party's here.
Tifa: NOOOOO!!!!! Who gave you permission to use my bar?!
Akari: I dunno.
Tifa: Well, I guess if you don't invite a lot of peop--
Akari: Well, I have to go invite all the FFVIII, IX, X, CC, and CT people. Bye! *disappears*
Tifa: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Yuffie: *finishes eating the candy* Hope they bring more liquor... *drool*
Meanwhile, in the FFVIII world... Rinoa and Squall are eating in the cafeteria in the Garden.
Rinoa: Why did we have to come here for our romantic Valentine's Day dinner?!
Squall: It was the only place I could book.
Rinoa picks up a limp hot dog.
Rinoa: *shudder* Ehh...
Squall: I dunno, I think these are delicious. *scarfs down a hot dog*
Rinoa: Ugh... *faints*
Squall: Uh-oh... Rinoa?
Suddenly Rinoa's cell phone rings.
Squall: Oh well, might as well answer it. *picks up the phone* Hello?
Akari: Hello, Rinoa.
Squall: This is Squall. Rinoa isn't conscious right now. Please leave a message after the beep................................................... BEEP!!!! Heh heh, I always wanted to do that.
Akari: O_o;; Uh, yeah... Anyway, Pyra and I are throwing a party at Tifa's tonight. Are you and Rinoa and everyone else coming?
Squall suddenly has a flashback of Pyra chasing him through Garden while he screams for mercy.
Squall: *shudders* Probably not.
Akari: You have to come! Everyone will be there!
Squall: I'll think about it. *hangs up* Pyra is out to get me... Well, maybe Rinoa can protect me! Wait, Rinoa's unconscious. Ah, whatever. *eats another hot dog*
In Alexandria, in Dagger's room...
Dagger: Hey Zidane, wanna go to the Morning Star Bar tonight?
Zidane: A date?
Dagger: No!
Zidane: Oh. In that case...
Dagger: Hey! You don't wanna go cause it's not a date?!
Zidane: Yeah. You know I'm a horny bastard.
Dagger: Oh come on! It may not be a date... I know it's Valentine's Day and you're in love with me doesn't mean it's a date...
Eiko: AAAARGH!!!!! *tackles Dagger*
Vivi: Oh no! It's a chick-fight!
Zidane: YAY!! *grabs some popcorn*
Vivi: No, we have to stop this! It's horrible!
Akari appears. She notices Eiko and Dagger fighting.
Akari: Hey, I know you both love Zidane, but you have to stop fighting NOW!
Dagger and Eiko stop.
Dagger: I don't love Zidane!!!
Zidane: NOOOO!!!!!!!
Akari: *glares at Dagger* Look what you've done.
Zidane leaves the castle, crying.
Akari: How could you!? For the rest of you, Pyra and I are hosting a party at Tifa's tonight.
Vivi: I don't think I can come with Zidane feeling so sad...
Akari: Oh, come on! *cheesy grin*
Vivi: Ah, what the hell. :D
Akari: Great! Pyra can't wait to see you, Vivi. *disappears*
Vivi has a flashback of Pyra glomping him and hugging him to death and squishing his hat.
Vivi: ...NOOOO!!!!
Meanwhile, in Besaid... Akari appears and looks around. She sees a Blitz sphere up ahead. Wakka is playing inside and she runs over.
Akari: Hi!!! *waves*
Wakka: *notices Akari* !!!!!!
Wakka faints. Someone pushes him out of the sphere.
Akari: Um... Dammit.
Akari pulls Wakka over to a nearby hut. She opens the door and gets ready to stuff him inside...
Akari: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
But unfortunately, Tidus and Yuna are making out inside.
Tidus: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Yuna: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Akari: Um... Let's pretend this never happened.
Akari dumps Wakka's body on the ground and runs away. She finds the temple. Lulu, Rikku, and Auron are inside.
Akari: *walks up to Lulu* HI!!! :D
Lulu: *sigh* Hi...
Akari: Wanna come to a party at Tifa's tonight?
Lulu: I can't. Wakka's coming over tonight. I just hope he didn't get drunk and faint in Tidus's house again. Cause then I have to kill him. MWUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Akari: *thinking* Uh-oh... If Lulu finds Wakka in Tidus's house asleep, then she'll think that he got drunk there and she'll kill him... And my conscience is gonna tear me apart until I tell Lulu that it was my fault and then, Lulu will kill me! NO!!!! *sweatdrop* Hey Lulu, I don't think you should just go to the party and forget Wakka. No one really likes him anyway.
Lulu: But...
Akari: Just come. And don't go looking for Wakka tonight. Don't look in Tidus's house, especially.
Lulu: O_o;;
Akari: Uh... I have to go now.
Akari runs toward Rikku.
Akari: Hi, Rikku! =D Wanna come to a party at Tifa's tonight? Everyone will be there.
Rikku: Even Zidane and Kidd and Yuffie?
Akari: Yep.
Rikku: =D YAY! I copied off them, ya know! *holds up an Astral Amulet, a material, and a photo of Dagger* ^_^
Akari: O.o Alrighty, see ya...
Akari nears Auron.
Akari: Hey!
Auron: Hello...
Akari: Remember me? *cheesy grin*
Auron: How could I forget?... *shudders*
Auron has a flashback of acting as Dr. Eggs and Jerry Springer.
Akari: Wanna come to a party at Tifa's tonight?
Auron: Alrighty. As long as I don't have to be Dr. Eggs or Jerry Springer.
Akari: Hopefully you won't. *winks and walks off*
Auron: ...Actually, Dr. Eggs was kinda cool. =D
The scene changes to the CT world. Crono is standing in his room. Akari appears.
Akari: Hi!
Crono: ...
Akari: Talk.
Crono: ...
Akari: TALK.
Crono: ...
Akari: TALK!!!
Crono: ...
Akari: TALK, YOU @#$%^&*!!!!!
Crono: ...
Akari: *sigh* Fine...
Suddenly a strange noise is heard from the closet. Akari walks over.
Crono: No, don't open that!!!
Akari: Aha, so you finally talk! Well, too damn bad.
Akari opens the door. Marle falls out. She's tied up in chains and tape is over her mouth. Akari peels off the tape.
Marle: CRONO, YOU @#$%^&*!!!!!
Akari: My words exactly. *grin*
Marle: He kept me in that closet for days!
Akari: Crono, how could you?
Crono: Hey, I was just making her my love slave.
Akari: EW!!! *throws up*
Marle: Hmph. I'm leaving.
Akari: Wait! You have to come to Tifa's tonight. There's gonna be a party.
Crono: Oooh, I wanna come!
Akari: Alrighty. Bring everyone else. And Marle, remember, violence is bad. *wink wink*
Akari disappears.
Marle: *smiles sweetly* Crono, you're gonna pay! *starts whacking Crono with random objects*
Crono: *whack* Ow! *whack* Hey, stop hitting me! *whack* No, not there! Please, don't hit me there... *WHACK* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now in the CC land... Akari arrives. Kidd and Serge are sitting on Opassa Beach.
Akari: HI! *cheesy grin*
Kidd: *sigh* You ruined the moment...
Akari: There was no moment. Serge doesn't even speak.
Kidd: Well, I guess you're right...
Akari: Wanna go to a party at Tifa's tonight?
Kidd: Sure.
Akari: And Serge?
Serge: Yeah.
Akari: O_O You talked!
Serge: Ya. =DDD
Akari: You're not evil, are you?
Serge: *sweatdrop* No...
Kidd: You sure?
Serge: *sweating severly* Yes...
Akari: Alrighty. *disappears*
Now, Akari is shown back in the castle she was in previously. Pyra is typing fics on a laptop.
Akari: HI!
Pyra: HI!
They laugh evilly.
Akari: I invited everyone to the party.
Pyra: WOOHOO! Can't wait to see all those FF guys! =DDD
Akari: ...Have you been eating chocolate and drinking coffee?
Pyra: NO! How dare you acuse me of that?!
Akari: O.o Alright, sorry...
Pyra returns to typing.
Pyra: MWUAHAHAHA!!!!! WE SHALL DOMINATE!!!!!!!!
Akari: Yes, we'll rule Fanficition.net!!!
Pyra: ...Yeah. *coughs*
Akari: o.O Anyway, I have to go annoy more FF people! ^^ *disappears*
~*~
Please review! ^_^