Disclaimer: I don't own Square, but if I did, then I would rule the
universe and stuff!! MWUAHAHAH!!!! ...Er... Yeah...
~*~
CHAPTER IV
Shera and Lulu pass out all the poison-laced food. Some scary X-Files music plays as everyone eats. Nothing incredibly strange happens, so Shera and Lulu shrug and start to cook more. Meanwhile, Pyra is talking to Auron and Wakka.
Pyra: Hey guys, why are Lulu and Rikku staring at me like that??
Auron: They're just jealous.
Wakka: Ya. :D
Lulu walks over.
Lulu: Here, want some food? *grins evilly and pushes food toward Pyra*
Pyra: No! Remember what happened last time?
Lulu: Uh... *sweatdrop* This is new food! It's especially made for dragons!
Pyra: ...It looks the same.
Wakka: Dragon food? =D Gimme some!
Lulu: NO!
Wakka: O.o Why not, ya?
Lulu: Um... *quickly runs off*
Pyra: ...This may seem weird, but I think that Lulu and Rikku are trying to kill me.
Wakka: *cheesy grin* No way!
Auron: Yeah.
Suddenly the door opens and Selphie, Yuna, and Lucca run in.
Yuna: Hey everyone. Sorry we left, we had to find Seymour and Kimahri.
Pyra: *shudder* You just HAD to bring Seymour...
Pyra looks over at Seymour, who is singing random Whose Line songs with Cid and Barret.
Cid, Barret, and Seymour: OH HIDEY DIDEY DIDEY DIDEY DIDEY DIDEY DIEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! *hic*
Suddenly Marle, Dagger, and Zidane run into the bar.
Pyra: *sees Zidane* Him again... *sigh*
Zidane: *sees Pyra* AAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!! THE DRAGON GIRL!!!!!!
Pyra: Eh?
Zidane: You have guts in your fridge!!
Pyra: Yep. *licks lips*
Zidane, Marle, and Dagger: EEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!! *run out of the bar*
Everyone: ...O_o;;
Moving on with 16-YOFT.
Yuffie: Hey... That was Zidane!
Rikku: He looks like a weenie. o.O
Kidd: Let's go get him!
Yuffie, Rikku, and Kidd follow Zidane outside.
Yuffie: ZIDANE! *random glomp o.O*
Zidane: *squished* -.-
Dagger: WHO ARE THESE WOMEN!?
Rikku: Hey Zidane! I'm the new member that replaced you! You know what that means? I OWN YOU!!!!! *glomps Zidane*
Dagger: NO-NO-NO-NO-NO~!!!!! *pulls the women off Zidane*
Zidane: O.o Anyway, I wanna rejoin the clan.
Kidd: We sorta renamed it '16-Year-Old-FEMALE-Thieves'. :D
Zidane: ...YAY! Even better! *perverted grin*
Dagger: ...O.O *edges away slowly*
Everyone returns to the bar. Meanwhile with Rinoa, Quistis, Raine, Leena, Beatrix, and Harle.
Rinoa: *sigh* We've gotten nowhere!
Quistis: OH REALLY??? *pokes Rinoa with a stick* HUH? HUH?!?!?!?! *psycho glare*
Rinoa: O_o *edges away quickly* Okay, look at our men!
Rinoa points out Steiner and Laguna using binoculars to stare at chicks, and Serge and Seifer listening to Squall rant about holes.
Rinoa: We must stop them! They're thinking about other women!
Leena and Harle: *twitch* Serge is talking about Kidd...
Beatrix: Steiner thinks Rikku is hotter than me?! How can that be true?!?!?!
Raine: *stares at Laguna as he points a set of binoculars at Serge's ass and looks at it intently* Er... I see nothing wrong. It's normal behavior for Laguna.
Quistis: *looks mistily and sweetly at Seifer* I wanna beat his ass... *clutches her flamethrower*
Rinoa: LET'S GET 'EM!!!
The girls pull weapons and torches from out of nowhere and glare in the men's directions. Akari runs over.
Akari: O.o Are you all starting a petition to kill your loser boyfriends?
Rinoa: *sweatdrop* Is it really that obvious?
Akari: Yeah. *eyes the weapons and torches*
Quistis: Well, we're not gonna kill those guys...
Rinoa: Yeah, in fact... We're... Er...
Quistis: We're gonna use this to make some more food! :D *holds up a dagger and flamethrower* Barbeque, anyone?
Akari: ...O_o Er, yeah... Um, I have to go get the music ready or something. *edges away slowly*
Quistis: *breaks into tears* What? No one likes barbeque?!
Rinoa: *pats Quistis* You've had a little too much sake`...
Quistis: *growl* Fuck off. *eats Rinoa's hand off o.o*
Meanwhile, Akari is in the middle of the room. She jumps onto a table.
Akari: IT'S TIME TO SLOW DANCE!!
All the girls: YAAAAAAY!!!!
All the guys: NOOOOOO!!!!
All the girls take a guy.
Yuffie: *grabs Vincent*
Shera: *grabs Cid*
Rinoa: *grabs Squall*
Quistis: *grabs Seifer*
Selphie: *grabs Irvine*
Dagger: *grabs Zidane*
Beatrix: *grabs Steiner*
Yuna: *grabs Tidus*
Marle: *grabs Crono*
Kidd, Harle, and Leena: *all grab Serge*
Kidd: Hey, he's mine~!
Leena: No, MINE!
Harle: *growl* MIIIINE!!!
Akari: *sigh* You can all dance with him.
Kidd, Leena, and Harle: Yay!
Kidd, Leena, and Harle link their hands to make a circle and put Serge in the center. They close in on him.
Kidd, Leena, and Harle: *psychotic looks* MWUAHAHAHAH!!!!
Serge: o.o Help!
Akari: Hee hee. :D
Akari goes off to look for music. She comes across a shelf full of Britney Spears, Backstreet Boys, and shit like that.
Akari: :P What should I put on? This stuff sucks.
Yuffie: *walks over* That's not Tifa's stuff, that's mine. :D *walks off*
Akari: ...o-O *shudder* Okay, does anyone have any CDs I can borrow??
Pyra: Here! =D *tosses a CD toward Akari*
Akari: *gets whacked in the head* ...-_- *looks very unamused* What's that, the second time? Ah well...
Akari puts the CD into the stereo. Rob Zombie blasts from the speakers.
Akari: O-O Pyra!! This isn't very good to slow dance to!!
Akari looks around. Everyone is slow dancing anyway. o_O
Akari: *shrug* Oh well. I wish Ryu was here now...
Akari zaps Ryu, the demented freakish co-author, into the fanfic.
Akari: :D Come, slave! *drags Ryu off*
Ryu: NOOOO!!!! Pleeease!! I wanna go back to being the weird ignored guy who no one knows about!!!!!... *starts crying*
Reader: BOO!!! SHITTY SELF-INSERTIONS!!! *kills Akari*
...You wish. I do too, really. O.o Meanwhile, Pyra is in another corner.
Pyra: I dunno who to pick...
Auron: Meee!!
Wakka: No, meee!!
Pyra: O_o;;
Rikku and Lulu run over.
Rikku: Come on, Auron! *grabs Auron*
Lulu: :] Wakka! *grabs Wakka*
The 4 run out to dance.
Pyra: ... *eye twitches* That's it...
Akari: *looks over* NOOOO!!!!! PYRA, DON'T!!!!!
Too late. Pyra transforms into... *cue scary X-Files music* DARK PYRA!!! *gasp*
Everyone: AAAAAHHH!!!!!!
Dark Pyra: *stares at Lulu and Rikku* DIIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!
Akari: o.o Okay, since I can't stop Dark Pyra, I might as well let her blow some shit up. At least I'll be able to get everything cleaned up before Tifa and Cloud get back! :D
Suddenly the door bursts open and Tifa and Cloud run in.
Akari: *sigh* Stupid fore-shadowing. *kicks stuff*
Tifa: We're baaaack! ^.^
Cloud: *sweatdrop* Look...
Cloud points out Dark Pyra, who is trashing the bar.
Tifa: NOOOOOO!!!!!! *glares at Akari* Okay, you and Dark Pyra have to leave now!!! You screwed up my bar!
Dark Pyra: ...We're not going anywhere.
Tifa: *freezes* Ack...
Dark Pyra: *points to Rikku and Lulu* I stole their men. Now I'm gonna kill them.
Tifa: ...
Dark Pyra: ...
Tifa: ... *burst out laughing*
Dark Pyra: Er...? Okie, whatever. The point is, they're gonna diiiieee. ^_^
Tifa: Okay, whatever. *walks over to Quistis and starts talking about crap*
Akari: *sigh* Dark Pyra, you'd better leave for a minute.
Dark Pyra flies outside. Akari walks over to Rikku and Lulu.
Akari: I'm gonna save you two from being eaten. *weird psychotic grin*
Akari zaps Lulu and Rikku away.
Cloud: Um... Where'd you send them?
Akari: Sector 5.
Cloud: Dark Pyra will find them!
Akari: I'm gonna get Pyra outta here. *walks outside*
Outside, Pyra is nowhere to be seen.
Akari: Ah @#$%... Oh well, she'll find her way. *goes back in*
Pyra is shown now in the forest, no longer Dark Pyra.
Pyra: *speaking in a dark and demonic voice* My faithful guardians!!
Two shadowy figures appear in front of Pyra.
Figure 2: NOOOOOOOOO!!!! She's gonna slash me again!
Figure 1: -.-;; Grow up. It's your fault you ate her camcorder.
Pyra: Ahem. My loyal creatures, I have another job for you...
Figure 2: Does it involve blowing up stuff in big, pretty, firey explosions?
Figure 1: Shut up, you stupid waste of scales and flesh. *stuffs one of the other's bombs in his mouth*
Pyra: Ehh... No, it involves bloodshed and death.
Figure 1: I'm in then. My blade arm needs to have some sort of use.
Pyra: Right. I want you... *points finger to the first figure* To deal with the Al Bhed brat.
Figure 1: Very well. Little Rikku is such a pest.
Pyra: And you! *points to the second figure* My moronic explosive specialist, I want you to finish off the pesky Black Mage.
Figure 2: *spits out the bomb* Wouldn't that be Flame Face's job?
Pyra: -.-;; No. I meant the Black Mage whom your original is with.
Figure 2: Oh, Lulu.
Pyra: Yes, my stupid pet. If you screw up like last time, the scars you receive will never heal. Remember that the camcorder was only a simple machine. This is bigger! If you screw up, you'll be lucky to not be a soulless, black bloody pulp. Now, GO!!
Figure 2: Yes Your Majesty.
The two figures fly off.
Pyra: :D YAY! I'll have Wakka and Auron to myself soon enough~!
~*~
~*~
CHAPTER IV
Shera and Lulu pass out all the poison-laced food. Some scary X-Files music plays as everyone eats. Nothing incredibly strange happens, so Shera and Lulu shrug and start to cook more. Meanwhile, Pyra is talking to Auron and Wakka.
Pyra: Hey guys, why are Lulu and Rikku staring at me like that??
Auron: They're just jealous.
Wakka: Ya. :D
Lulu walks over.
Lulu: Here, want some food? *grins evilly and pushes food toward Pyra*
Pyra: No! Remember what happened last time?
Lulu: Uh... *sweatdrop* This is new food! It's especially made for dragons!
Pyra: ...It looks the same.
Wakka: Dragon food? =D Gimme some!
Lulu: NO!
Wakka: O.o Why not, ya?
Lulu: Um... *quickly runs off*
Pyra: ...This may seem weird, but I think that Lulu and Rikku are trying to kill me.
Wakka: *cheesy grin* No way!
Auron: Yeah.
Suddenly the door opens and Selphie, Yuna, and Lucca run in.
Yuna: Hey everyone. Sorry we left, we had to find Seymour and Kimahri.
Pyra: *shudder* You just HAD to bring Seymour...
Pyra looks over at Seymour, who is singing random Whose Line songs with Cid and Barret.
Cid, Barret, and Seymour: OH HIDEY DIDEY DIDEY DIDEY DIDEY DIDEY DIEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! *hic*
Suddenly Marle, Dagger, and Zidane run into the bar.
Pyra: *sees Zidane* Him again... *sigh*
Zidane: *sees Pyra* AAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!! THE DRAGON GIRL!!!!!!
Pyra: Eh?
Zidane: You have guts in your fridge!!
Pyra: Yep. *licks lips*
Zidane, Marle, and Dagger: EEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!! *run out of the bar*
Everyone: ...O_o;;
Moving on with 16-YOFT.
Yuffie: Hey... That was Zidane!
Rikku: He looks like a weenie. o.O
Kidd: Let's go get him!
Yuffie, Rikku, and Kidd follow Zidane outside.
Yuffie: ZIDANE! *random glomp o.O*
Zidane: *squished* -.-
Dagger: WHO ARE THESE WOMEN!?
Rikku: Hey Zidane! I'm the new member that replaced you! You know what that means? I OWN YOU!!!!! *glomps Zidane*
Dagger: NO-NO-NO-NO-NO~!!!!! *pulls the women off Zidane*
Zidane: O.o Anyway, I wanna rejoin the clan.
Kidd: We sorta renamed it '16-Year-Old-FEMALE-Thieves'. :D
Zidane: ...YAY! Even better! *perverted grin*
Dagger: ...O.O *edges away slowly*
Everyone returns to the bar. Meanwhile with Rinoa, Quistis, Raine, Leena, Beatrix, and Harle.
Rinoa: *sigh* We've gotten nowhere!
Quistis: OH REALLY??? *pokes Rinoa with a stick* HUH? HUH?!?!?!?! *psycho glare*
Rinoa: O_o *edges away quickly* Okay, look at our men!
Rinoa points out Steiner and Laguna using binoculars to stare at chicks, and Serge and Seifer listening to Squall rant about holes.
Rinoa: We must stop them! They're thinking about other women!
Leena and Harle: *twitch* Serge is talking about Kidd...
Beatrix: Steiner thinks Rikku is hotter than me?! How can that be true?!?!?!
Raine: *stares at Laguna as he points a set of binoculars at Serge's ass and looks at it intently* Er... I see nothing wrong. It's normal behavior for Laguna.
Quistis: *looks mistily and sweetly at Seifer* I wanna beat his ass... *clutches her flamethrower*
Rinoa: LET'S GET 'EM!!!
The girls pull weapons and torches from out of nowhere and glare in the men's directions. Akari runs over.
Akari: O.o Are you all starting a petition to kill your loser boyfriends?
Rinoa: *sweatdrop* Is it really that obvious?
Akari: Yeah. *eyes the weapons and torches*
Quistis: Well, we're not gonna kill those guys...
Rinoa: Yeah, in fact... We're... Er...
Quistis: We're gonna use this to make some more food! :D *holds up a dagger and flamethrower* Barbeque, anyone?
Akari: ...O_o Er, yeah... Um, I have to go get the music ready or something. *edges away slowly*
Quistis: *breaks into tears* What? No one likes barbeque?!
Rinoa: *pats Quistis* You've had a little too much sake`...
Quistis: *growl* Fuck off. *eats Rinoa's hand off o.o*
Meanwhile, Akari is in the middle of the room. She jumps onto a table.
Akari: IT'S TIME TO SLOW DANCE!!
All the girls: YAAAAAAY!!!!
All the guys: NOOOOOO!!!!
All the girls take a guy.
Yuffie: *grabs Vincent*
Shera: *grabs Cid*
Rinoa: *grabs Squall*
Quistis: *grabs Seifer*
Selphie: *grabs Irvine*
Dagger: *grabs Zidane*
Beatrix: *grabs Steiner*
Yuna: *grabs Tidus*
Marle: *grabs Crono*
Kidd, Harle, and Leena: *all grab Serge*
Kidd: Hey, he's mine~!
Leena: No, MINE!
Harle: *growl* MIIIINE!!!
Akari: *sigh* You can all dance with him.
Kidd, Leena, and Harle: Yay!
Kidd, Leena, and Harle link their hands to make a circle and put Serge in the center. They close in on him.
Kidd, Leena, and Harle: *psychotic looks* MWUAHAHAHAH!!!!
Serge: o.o Help!
Akari: Hee hee. :D
Akari goes off to look for music. She comes across a shelf full of Britney Spears, Backstreet Boys, and shit like that.
Akari: :P What should I put on? This stuff sucks.
Yuffie: *walks over* That's not Tifa's stuff, that's mine. :D *walks off*
Akari: ...o-O *shudder* Okay, does anyone have any CDs I can borrow??
Pyra: Here! =D *tosses a CD toward Akari*
Akari: *gets whacked in the head* ...-_- *looks very unamused* What's that, the second time? Ah well...
Akari puts the CD into the stereo. Rob Zombie blasts from the speakers.
Akari: O-O Pyra!! This isn't very good to slow dance to!!
Akari looks around. Everyone is slow dancing anyway. o_O
Akari: *shrug* Oh well. I wish Ryu was here now...
Akari zaps Ryu, the demented freakish co-author, into the fanfic.
Akari: :D Come, slave! *drags Ryu off*
Ryu: NOOOO!!!! Pleeease!! I wanna go back to being the weird ignored guy who no one knows about!!!!!... *starts crying*
Reader: BOO!!! SHITTY SELF-INSERTIONS!!! *kills Akari*
...You wish. I do too, really. O.o Meanwhile, Pyra is in another corner.
Pyra: I dunno who to pick...
Auron: Meee!!
Wakka: No, meee!!
Pyra: O_o;;
Rikku and Lulu run over.
Rikku: Come on, Auron! *grabs Auron*
Lulu: :] Wakka! *grabs Wakka*
The 4 run out to dance.
Pyra: ... *eye twitches* That's it...
Akari: *looks over* NOOOO!!!!! PYRA, DON'T!!!!!
Too late. Pyra transforms into... *cue scary X-Files music* DARK PYRA!!! *gasp*
Everyone: AAAAAHHH!!!!!!
Dark Pyra: *stares at Lulu and Rikku* DIIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!
Akari: o.o Okay, since I can't stop Dark Pyra, I might as well let her blow some shit up. At least I'll be able to get everything cleaned up before Tifa and Cloud get back! :D
Suddenly the door bursts open and Tifa and Cloud run in.
Akari: *sigh* Stupid fore-shadowing. *kicks stuff*
Tifa: We're baaaack! ^.^
Cloud: *sweatdrop* Look...
Cloud points out Dark Pyra, who is trashing the bar.
Tifa: NOOOOOO!!!!!! *glares at Akari* Okay, you and Dark Pyra have to leave now!!! You screwed up my bar!
Dark Pyra: ...We're not going anywhere.
Tifa: *freezes* Ack...
Dark Pyra: *points to Rikku and Lulu* I stole their men. Now I'm gonna kill them.
Tifa: ...
Dark Pyra: ...
Tifa: ... *burst out laughing*
Dark Pyra: Er...? Okie, whatever. The point is, they're gonna diiiieee. ^_^
Tifa: Okay, whatever. *walks over to Quistis and starts talking about crap*
Akari: *sigh* Dark Pyra, you'd better leave for a minute.
Dark Pyra flies outside. Akari walks over to Rikku and Lulu.
Akari: I'm gonna save you two from being eaten. *weird psychotic grin*
Akari zaps Lulu and Rikku away.
Cloud: Um... Where'd you send them?
Akari: Sector 5.
Cloud: Dark Pyra will find them!
Akari: I'm gonna get Pyra outta here. *walks outside*
Outside, Pyra is nowhere to be seen.
Akari: Ah @#$%... Oh well, she'll find her way. *goes back in*
Pyra is shown now in the forest, no longer Dark Pyra.
Pyra: *speaking in a dark and demonic voice* My faithful guardians!!
Two shadowy figures appear in front of Pyra.
Figure 2: NOOOOOOOOO!!!! She's gonna slash me again!
Figure 1: -.-;; Grow up. It's your fault you ate her camcorder.
Pyra: Ahem. My loyal creatures, I have another job for you...
Figure 2: Does it involve blowing up stuff in big, pretty, firey explosions?
Figure 1: Shut up, you stupid waste of scales and flesh. *stuffs one of the other's bombs in his mouth*
Pyra: Ehh... No, it involves bloodshed and death.
Figure 1: I'm in then. My blade arm needs to have some sort of use.
Pyra: Right. I want you... *points finger to the first figure* To deal with the Al Bhed brat.
Figure 1: Very well. Little Rikku is such a pest.
Pyra: And you! *points to the second figure* My moronic explosive specialist, I want you to finish off the pesky Black Mage.
Figure 2: *spits out the bomb* Wouldn't that be Flame Face's job?
Pyra: -.-;; No. I meant the Black Mage whom your original is with.
Figure 2: Oh, Lulu.
Pyra: Yes, my stupid pet. If you screw up like last time, the scars you receive will never heal. Remember that the camcorder was only a simple machine. This is bigger! If you screw up, you'll be lucky to not be a soulless, black bloody pulp. Now, GO!!
Figure 2: Yes Your Majesty.
The two figures fly off.
Pyra: :D YAY! I'll have Wakka and Auron to myself soon enough~!
~*~