Nergal Fan Fiction LLC
A division of Nergal Heavy Industries proudly presents:
The Best Laid Plans
Chapter Two "Asuka Strikes Back"
by Ryoma
Disclaimer: Characters from Neon Genesis Evangelion have been used without permission. All characters contained in this work are copyright GAINAX, Project EVA, Movic, AD Vision and Manga Entertainment.
"I don't know," Shinji whimpered. "Explain to me again how this is going to help you get revenge?"
Asuka stopped in her tracks and swung her book bag around, striking her companion in the shoulder.
"We've gone over this a hundred times now!" she exclaimed, her frustration obvious. Asuka watched as Shinji instinctively rubbed his upper arm though the blow wasn't too hard.
"Urgh! Believe me this plan is perfect," she said as the corners of her mouth up turned into an evil grin. "Misato won't even know what hit her."
The Second Child stepped forward and jabbed her finger into his chest.
"Just follow the damn plan and let me worry about the details!"
He could only manage a sheepish nod as they resumed their morning trek to school.
"Good boy," she added sarcastically.
They continued on in silence as both Children carefully reviewed the details of Asuka's plan in their minds. The morning sun was beginning its daily journey across the Tokyo-3 skyline, promising another gorgeous summer day. The pair was oblivious to the sounds of traffic and the hustle and bustle of city life as they worked their way through the maze of sidewalks that would eventually lead them to their final destination. School.
"It's never going to work..." Shinji mumbled while turning to check the street crossing.
"What did you say?" Asuka yelled as she followed him out into the crosswalk.
Receiving no response from the retreating Unit 01 pilot she reached out and grabbed his arm, spinning him around to face her wrath.
"What did you just say!"
"Nothing."
Asuka increased the pressure on his arm, her freshly manicured nails digging deep into his flesh and threatening at any moment to burst through the skin.
"I'll only ask one more time...what did you say?"
"I said 'it's never going to work,' that's all," he confessed.
Asuka closed her eyes and lowered her head in anticipation of unleashing another diatribe against her reluctant co-conspirator. After all, she HAD explained why the plan would work at least ten times now. Even someone as dense as Shinji should have figured it out by now...
Her concentration was broken by an incessant tugging as her captive struggled to free himself. Slowly opening her eyes she looked around and took in the sight of a line of cars on both sides of the crossing, drivers alternating between mashing their horns and yelling out insults to the two teens.
"Blow it out your ass!" Asuka screamed to no one in particular.
The driver in the front of the line seemed to take her comments to heart as he whipped his arm out the window, providing the Unit 02 pilot with his assessment of her piloting skill level.
Of course that would have been an optimistic view as she knew the true meaning of pronouncing someone as number one with their middle finger.
Asuka turned to face the man, her face ablaze in red and contorted in a very frightening manner. He quickly closed his window in fear as she gave her opinion of his driving skills. In a panic he clicked the door lock repeatedly during her dual single finger salute and fleeting question regarding the man's sexuality.
Content that the foe had been vanquished, she turned to face Shinji. The anger on her face turned to shock as she found he had skillfully used the distraction to escape her clutches and was now standing on the far side of the street watching her every move.
In a huff Asuka placed her hands on her hips and glared at him as the chorus of insults and honking horns continued. With a sigh she slowly completed her crossing, but not before providing the motoring public with a very loud vocal comparison between them and a certain orifice on the human body.
Reaching Shinji she stepped on the sidewalk as the traffic roared by. She began pointing to her temple and smiling as he looked at her curiously.
"Got that bastard's license plate right here," she said as the two continued on toward the school. "I'm going to find out where that son of a bitch lives and next Angel battle I'm going to drop my Unit 02's size four hundred right on that piece of shit car of his."
Shinji gulped audibly as he realized that she was probably serious. During the battle with the Tenth Angel, the falling Angel, Asuka was able to successfully trample the houses of two classmates who had the misfortune of cutting her in the lunch line. The amazing fact was that the dwellings were a solid kilometer out of her assigned route and she still ended up only being a couple of seconds behind schedule.
"Why are you so against my plan?" Asuka continued returning to the previous topic of discussion. "It's better than anything you came up with."
Shinji looked up from inspecting the five deep fingernail crescents in his arm. "I never came up with a plan. I wanted to confront Misato but you insist on getting your precious revenge."
"Well my honor has been damaged. If you were a REAL man you would stand up for me."
"I am a real man," he grumbled.
"You could have fooled me," she returned abruptly. Blinking rapidly while turning skyward, her tone lightening a bit. "Now Kaji...he's a real man."
Shinji brought his hand up as he prepared to speak, then let it fall to his side as he sharply turned away and continued walking in the direction of the school.
Asuka stood frozen as she watched him hurry away, his pained expression still fresh in her mind.
---------
"Rise...bow...dismissed."
As soon as the last syllable left Hikari Horaki's lips, Asuka sprang from her desk and sprinted over to Shinji's. Her unopened emails and his deliberate avoidance at lunch were fueling her anger as she pushed against the tide of outgoing students in the crowded aisle.
Finally breaking free of the masses, she let out a groan upon observing him talking with the other 2 Stooges, Touji Suzahara and Kensuke Aida. Screwing up some courage along with her most foul expression, she dove into the heart of the testosterone filled trio.
"Excuse me Mo, Larry...I need to speak with Curly here for a moment."
Asuka began pushing Shinji away from the others when she felt him stiffen and hold his ground.
"What?" he flatly questioned holding her stare for just a moment before turning away.
"What's your problem?" she said.
"Nothing."
Any further attempts at conversation were sabotaged by an annoying prattle in her ears. Turning away from Shinji she faced the source of the irritation.
"Would you two please shut the hell up!" she barked. Closing her eyes she tightened the grip on the Third's collar to ensure that escape was impossible.
"I need to discuss some NERV related stuff with my colleague here," she added through a suddenly sweet smile. "You remember NERV don't you? The super secret agency that saves your sorry asses from the Angels. The same agency that's been known to make eavesdroppers disappear without a trace."
Touji stepped forward and started shouting at the side of her face.
"You don't scare me, you or NERV!" he yelled, spit falling dangerously close to her shoulder. "Besides," he said, his tone now calmer, "there's nothing you can tell Shinji that you can't tell his two closest friends."
"Yeah," Kensuke added, but not before positioning his larger friend between himself and the girl he called The Devil.
"Go away," she advised between clenched teeth. "Now!"
The two stooges gazed at their helpless comrade. The hurting look in his eyes convinced Touji to make one last desperate stand.
"No," he started in his most confident voice. "Why don't you go shove a bratwurst up..."
Touji found himself unable to finish that ecchi thought as he crumpled over, his head and upper torso forced over as he was pulled roughly toward the floor.
"TOUJI!"
Gently easing his head up just a bit, his eyes following the arm attached to the hand that held a firm grasp of his ear. At the end of said appendage he noticed the glaring face of the class rep as she redoubled her efforts to forcibly remove that particular piece of loose skin.
"OOUUCCCCHHHHHH!"
"Touji," Hikari started in her most deliberate voice. "You weren't going to say anything disgusting to Miss Asuka, were you?"
"No," came his weak reply.
"That's what I thought," she said while releasing his now crimson and throbbing ear.
Mercifully freed from the vise-like hold, Touji stood upright and began furiously rubbing the side of his head.
"That really hurt you know."
Hikari simply nodded and smiled.
Defeated, he decided a tactical retreat was in order. With Hikari now present, Touji knew full well that it would be impossible to respond properly to Asuka's insults. With a reluctant sigh, he turned to Kensuke signaling the withdrawal.
"Come on 'suke...let's leave the lovebirds alone."
Under the watchful eyes of the class rep, Shinji's two friends sulked away but not before Kensuke was able to fire off one final volley.
"They're probably deciding who's going to be on top tonight," he whispered loud enough for all to hear.
A slight giggle escaped Hikari's lips before her hands shot up to her face to stop any further outbursts. Glancing over at the blushing Eva Pilots, she quickly turned away as another bout of laughter threatened to overwhelm her.
"Come on you two," Hikari said as she ran up behind the boys, "you can help me clean up."
Asuka watched as the three left the room, the unmistakable sound of Miss Horaki's laughter filling the air just as the classroom door slid shut.
Turning back to Shinji, she started her previous line of questioning again.
"What's the problem?"
"I told you I don't have a problem," he muttered as he stared down at the floor.
"Then why did you ignore me at lunch and not open any of my emails?"
Shinji shrugged his shoulders and left it at that, still unable to meet her gaze.
"Look," she said grabbing his arm and demanding his attention. "Are you going through with the plan or not? Quit the 'everybody feel sorry for me' act. I hate it when you do that."
Gritting her teeth and balling her hands to fists, she continued. "I...need you," she said though the words were barely audible. "I can't do this alone."
A few long moments of reflection and his facial expression seemed to lighten just a bit.
"That's true...you need me."
Asuka watched the easing tension between them and pressed her advantage. "I sure do," she nodded while releasing his arm.
"So...can I count on you?" she asked with a hint of almost pleading in her tone.
Shinji smiled and returned her nod. "You can count on me."
His smile proved infectious as Asuka too found herself grinning like an idiot.
"Good," she replied as they both turned and started walking toward the front of the room.
Reaching the door, Asuka spun around and presented her book bag to Shinji.
"Here."
"What's this for?" came his puzzled reply.
"It's part of my plan, that's what."
Shinji thought for a moment while taking the tote from the redhead.
"No it's not."
Asuka quickly stepped through the now open doorway and turned to her prey, a sly smirk dominating her expression. "It is now!"
She broke into a near sprint as Shinji was left standing stunned at her sudden departure.
"Come on stupid," she called from the far end of the hall, "we're late for sync tests."
He carefully slid the door shut and smiled as he thought about her playful behavior. It was nice to see her having fun and acting like a teenager for once in her life. The troubled girl he first met a year before was finally lowering her defenses just a bit and opening up.
Snapping out of his trance, he quickly ran off after her.
---------
Shinji finished clearing off the table as all the while Asuka watched him intently. Tapping her fingers impatiently, she quickly glanced over to the clock on the wall and noted that exactly one minute had passed since her last inspection.
Her tapping foot now matching her fingers in a futile attempt to burn off the excess energy she was generating, Asuka's head again rose up to check the time as the Third sat down at the other side of the table.
"Misato's going to be home any minute," she said. Shinji nodded in agreement as she continued, "You know what to do, right?"
"Yes," he groaned, "we've gone over this all day."
"Just checking...I don't want you to blow it."
"Don't worry about me," he replied in an irritated tone. "I'll be following YOUR lead."
"Good," she responded through her fiendish grin. "Very good."
Though her outward appearance exuded confidence, the rolling fingers and tapping feet conveyed just the opposite feeling to Shinji. Stealing a quick glance as she again checked the time, he could swear that she was shaking. This from a girl would dive into a battle with a fifty story Angel without thinking twice about it.
"What?" she questioned upon catching him staring.
"Ah...nothing," he stammered, quickly turning to observe the clock himself.
"Shinji!"
"Well...why are you so nervous? How do you even know that tonight will be the night?"
Asuka had been expecting the second question ever since noticing Shinji's calm demeanor, completely unlike him given his upcoming role in her plan. The first question caught her by surprise but she chose to ignore it altogether rather then show him any signs of weakness.
"Oh no, it starts tonight."
She watched as her companion started to turn pale, the color leaving his skin right before her eyes.
He gulped audibly to clear his now dry throat. "Are...are you sure?" he sputtered out, still hoping for a reprieve.
"I guarantee it," she replied through her feral grin, satisfied that her fellow conspirator was now aware of how the night's events would unfold.
Shinji sunk lower into his chair as the two stared at each other for a few moments, both coming to the realization that Asuka plan would soon be implemented... and there would be no turning back.
Soon the sounds of two sets of rolling fingers and tapping feet filled the apartment. The door to Pen Pen's refrigerator slid open as he stuck his head out to find the source of the incessant rapping.
Looking up at the two pale and shaking teenagers, he waddled over to his personal baseboard mounted thermostat. Twice banging it with his flipper he noted the temperature in the room appeared normal as he scratched his head in bewilderment.
With a shrug he waddled into the bathroom and slammed the door behind himself.
---------
"Hello?"
The call came from the entranceway as the front door slid shut.
Within moments a very disheveled looking Major walked into the kitchen and straight for the fridge. Not bothering to shut the door, she pulled out a Yebisu and drank it one long gulp.
"Hi Misa..." Shinji began before Misato held her hand out indicating for him to stop as she started a second beer. He could only watch as her throat contracted and released in a desperate attempt to inhale the cherished alcoholic beverage.
Throwing the empty can into the sink, she stood with her back to the Children, holding the counter for support.
"Hi, Shinji."
"Hello Misato," he returned with a cheery smile.
"What, no greeting for me?" Asuka said sarcastically.
Misato mumbled something to herself as an exasperated sigh left her lips.
"Tough day at the office?"
Their guardian gripped down hard on the countertop, her fingers desperately trying to rip out the linoleum and jam it down a certain annoying girl's trachea.
"You could say that," Misato grumbled as she opened the refrigerator for another beer. "Of course you should know all about that, right Asuka?"
"Why Misato, whatever are you talking about?" the Second Child innocently replied.
"Don't give me that crap!" the violet haired older woman screamed, violently slamming her beer can on the table. "I don't know what kind of game you are playing, but it needs to stop NOW!"
She ripped the can off the table and started to drink it again. Asuka eyed her guardian for a moment before she spoke.
"Games? I'm not playing games." She watched as Misato's brow furrowed over the can in rage. "Oh, you must be talking about my sync rate. What happened? Did the dufus over there beat me again?"
"Hey," came a meek cry from the other side of the table.
"Yes the dufus beat your score."
Misato slapped her head as he cried out again. "Sorry Shinji. Your partner over here is driving me crazy."
Asuka's smug smile did nothing to reduce Misato's plight as she clenched and unclenched her fists, moving closer to face the source of her current problems.
"Dammit Asuka, you blew those test scores on purpose...why?"
"I'll admit that I didn't perform that great today, but I guess there's always next time." She ended her statement by crossing her arms on her chest as she smiled placidly up at the Major.
The sound of imploding aluminum echoed through the kitchen as Misato pulled the empty can from her lips and threw the mangled container into the sink. Walking over she opened the refrigerator and knelt down, pretending to search for a full replacement while using the break in the action to devise a new strategy.
"Ah, here we go," she exclaimed as she simultaneously turned and shut the door. "Well Asuka, a few more scores like today and you may find yourself behind Rei and the Prototype Unit."
Misato smiled as she slowly lifted the tab on the Yebisu, letting the pressure gradually escape into the air. "Yup, looks like Rei will be taking point during the next attack."
The older woman took a slip of the marvelous ale, enjoying the taste but all the time her eyes were glued on a certain Eva pilot who was trying her best to remain calm.
"Please Misato...the only way Wondergirl could stop an Angel would be if it wrapped around her and she blew herself up. Not that I would complain."
Normally the thought of Rei doing such a thing would frighten him, but given Asuka's tone and the shear ridiculousness of such an event occurring, even Shinji had to chuckle at her offhand comment.
"Better still," she chortled, "imagine that doll saving my ass someday. Tell me more about your drunken fantasy land Misato."
"Rei saving you, that's funny," Shinji snorted out through his laughter, "you would go absolutely insane."
"And that ought to happen," Asuka snickered while pointing to the boy, "right after that moron stands up to his father."
Both Children were soon laughing uncontrollably as images of these preposterous scenarios played in their heads.
Misato held the can motionless against her lips, her eyes slowly switching from one Child to the other as the banter continued. Her reasons were obvious. First she really needed a drink, actually lots. Second and more important, she needed to hide her grin behind the aluminum shield.
Rei blowing herself up, Asuka depending on Rei's help, Shinji standing up to his father. What was next, her shooting Kaji?
"I got one, Asuka...M...Misato giving up drinking."
Fighting hard she suppressed her laughter while loudly slamming her beverage container gavel down.
"Enough!"
Misato leaned over the table as she continued. "You wouldn't think it was so funny if you got your ass chewed out by Dr. Akagi and the Commander for over an hour," she bellowed turning her head back and forth to address each pilot equally as she spoke. She paused as her words broke the revelry, at least for Shinji. Asuka's blissful expression convinced Misato that she was still imagining scenes of Rei's self destruction.
"Asuka!" she roared finally returning the girl from cloud nine. "This will not happen again."
Standing up straight, Misato stepped back into the center of the kitchen, commanding the undivided attention of both charges. Crossing her arms on her chest she glared down at the two.
"To this end you two will resume your previous training schedule, including..." she said as Shinji's groaning and Asuka's torrent of German profanities threatened to drown her out. "Including sync tests each and every day."
Satisfied with her work Misato now tried to block out the vulgar comments directed at her by both occupants at the table. Rocking her can back and forth she wiggled out the last drop of beer as she turned to get another.
---------
The boisterous racket in the next room awoke Pen Pen from his bath. Grabbing a towel he slid open the bathroom door and with a quick check to the left, then to the right and back to the left again he waddled into the entrance to the kitchen.
In front of him the redhead and the boy were standing and doing their best Angel alarm impressions as over to his right he noticed the unmistakable rump of his master shaking to and fro as she rummaged on her hands and knees though the refrigerator.
Silently sliding the towel off his shoulder, Pen Pen began to twist it as he moved within range of the ultimate towel snap.
"WARK!" he exclaimed as Misato stood up and patted him on the head.
"Thanks, Pen Pen," she said while grabbing the towel and wiping her sweaty brow with it.
"Think fast!"
"WWAARRKKK!" the bird cried as the cloth snapped him in his tail feathers.
---------
The beer wasn't helping her pounding headache and neither was the pair of screaming Children. For a couple of kids they sure knew some nasty language, she mused to herself.
She could go in the living room, but they would just follow her. She could leave, but after the day she had that would have required too much energy that she didn't have. Tonight she just wanted to sit back and relax with no surprises. That meant only one option remained.
The Katsuragi Maneuver.
"Asuka...Asuka...ASUKA!"
Finally the Major got her attention over the din.
"Asuka, why did you purposely lower your scores?"
"I...didn't...lower my...scores," she panted, winded from her previous outbursts.
"Are you sure? You can't hide the truth from me you know," Misato proclaimed confidently.
"What?"
"I know what you're doing."
Asuka took a deep breath, worried that somehow despite her best efforts the Major discovered her plan before she even had a chance to implement it.
"What am I doing?" she said, closing her eyes and awaiting a scolding from her superior.
A wide smile grew on Misato's face as she instituted the Katsuragi Maneuver.
"Why, you are letting your boyfriend over there win...it's kind of cute in a way but very unprofessional."
This time the grin shifted to Asuka as she slowly opened her eyes, the bait having been taken.
It was time to launch the Langley Counteroffensive.
"Misato's on to us Shinji, " she said as she stood and silently walked past the stunned Operation's Director. She continued around the table finally stopping next to the trembling Shinji Ikari.
"I guess there's no use trying to hide it anymore. She's too smart."
Asuka jumped into Shinji's lap and threw her arms around his neck as she took one huge breath and pulled him into a deep, passionate kiss.
"OH MY G..."
That was all Misato could manage to get out before the combination of shock and alcohol caused her to faint, her body hitting the floor with a resounding thud.
The Eva Pilots broke the kiss and cautiously peered over the edge of the table at their fallen companion. Vigilantly they watched as Pen Pen approached the older woman with great care, poking at her head with his flipper.
"Please tell me she's not dead," Shinji cried out in horror.
"No, look she's still breathing."
Shinji watched as Misato's body rose and fell in a steady rhythmic pattern indicating that life still coursed through her veins.
"Neat and clean, just the way I like it," Asuka commented her face awash with contentment as she finally removed herself from his lap and stood.
"You didn't really think she would faint, did you?" Shinji quizzed.
"Actually this is more then I hoped for. I just figured she would rant and rave or something."
"I have to admit it Asuka, your plan worked pretty well."
"What are you stupid? Was there ever any doubt?"
Inadvertently Shinji nodded his head slightly.
"ARGH, Third Child! If I didn't need you in one piece..."
He looked over at her and smiled. "Sorry."
Asuka watched as he sat back into his chair, his gaze moving absently about the room. Deciding that indeed her initial strike had been an overwhelming success, she too settled back into her chair and observed her fellow accomplice. She couldn't help but notice the sharp contrast between his current appearance and the pained one earlier that morning.
"What are you so happy about?" Asuka asked, her curiosity finally getting the better of her. "I thought you didn't approve of my plan?"
"It's not that...it's just..."
"Just what?"
"Oh nothing."
Asuka slammed her palms down on the table as she stood, glaring at her companion.
"Dammit Shinji, don't you know that when you say 'nothing' in that tone of voice it practically DEMANDS that people pay attention to you?"
"Well," he said as he turned away from her gaze. "You didn't brush your teeth."
"Huh?" she replied, befuddled.
"You remember last time we...well kissed," Shinji stammered through his blush.
"This time was an act...you know for show. It wasn't serious or anything."
"Oh," Shinji sighed, his smile now gone.
Asuka eyed him curiously as he stared down at the floor below.
"On the bright side you were much better this time then before."
"This time I could breathe," he replied with a hint of a grin returning.
"If you keep this up you'll have all the girls after you. You could be a regular Shinji the Casanova."
"Do you really think so?" he asked excitedly.
"I mean it wasn't up to the standards of someone like me and of course you are still a boy and have a lot to learn, but it was...acceptable."
Shinji reviewed her words carefully. "Thanks...I guess."
"Hey, how did you get so much better anyway?"
Shinji blushed as memories of a few choice DVD's borrowed from Kensuke replayed in his mind.
"I bet you and the doll have been practicing over in her apartment."
"No!" came the panicked reply.
"Sure you haven't. I see the way you look at her. You make those eyes at her all the time."
"No, I don't and you know it."
"So you don't like her?" Asuka pressed a hint of excitement in her tone.
"I didn't say that. The fact is I like her a lot."
It was Asuka's turn to frown. "I see," she said as she stared out into space.
An uneasy silence filled the room as the two pilots eyes wandered about the room, taking in the vast intricacies of such items as the clock, the coffee maker, the floor pattern...everything but one another. Both Children fought hard to avoid being caught in the others gaze.
"Ice cream."
Those words from Asuka broke the edgy silence.
"Ice cream?" Shinji hesitantly replied.
"Yeah, ice cream. You can buy me some ice cream to celebrate my initial victory."
Shinji leaned over the table to look at his still unconscious guardian.
"What about Misato? Can we just leave her here like this?"
"She'll be fine," Asuka replied, now also looking down at the fallen woman. "Do you want to be here when she wakes up?"
Shinji thought for a moment. "No way," he said shaking his head for emphasis.
"Good choice, now let's go before she wakes up. I hear two scoops of strawberry calling my name."
They walked over to the apartment door and began putting on their shoes. Shinji turned pale as he dug through each of his pockets in a desperate search.
"Um...Asuka?" he said meekly. "I don't have any money."
Asuka finished tying her sneaker before standing and facing the boy who was still frantically exploring every pocket on the slim chance he might have missed something previously.
"You really are useless. Tell you what, I'll loan you the money to buy me some ice cream, okay?"
"Thanks Asuka," Shinji replied with a smile, not really understanding the ramifications of her statement.
It was Asuka's turn to look ashen as she repeated Shinji's earlier search pattern.
"Dammit!" she bellowed realizing the futility of her quest. "I really wish they would just give us one of those stupid NERV credit cards I keep reading about."
"Come on Asuka, Misato told us there is no such thing as a NERV credit card. And besides, even NERV isn't crazy enough to put a credit card into the hands of a fifteen year old."
"Yeah forget about the damage and Angel can do, image me with unlimited credit at the mall."
"You would bankrupt NERV in a month," Shinji quipped.
"Not funny Third Child," Asuka growled. "Can't your father do something about this?"
He shook his head. "No, he said any money we earn goes into a trust fund that can't be touched until we are either eighteen or are dead in which case it goes to our next of kin."
"Your father is jerk."
Shinji nodded his approval.
"So what are we going to do for money?" Asuka huffed.
Her hands grabbed her hips, her foot tapping the ground in disgust. Shinji chose to stare at the floor, awaiting her inevitable outburst. Somehow this must be his fault.
"I got it," she exclaimed, jolting him from his trance. "Go grab some of Misato's cash."
"What?!" he shouted, surprised by her solution to their monetary dilemma. Playing jokes on Misato was one thing, but this was something entirely different. Petty larceny seemed so beneath her. "Isn't that stealing?"
"What are you stupid? Of course it's not stealing."
A puzzled stare was his only reply as he eagerly awaited an explanation.
"It's simple," she said, "even a moron like you can figure it out."
She looked at the Third Child to ensure his undivided attention. "NERV gives Misato extra money because she is our guardian, right?"
The slight nod from Shinji allowed her to continue. "Well this makes some of her money, OUR money. So, it's not stealing if you go and take some of our money out of her purse."
A triumphant smile was plastered on Asuka's face as she watched her companion stand in silent contemplation, sorting through the details of her supposition. Her theory had some very valid points, but he still felt uneasy about the whole idea.
"If anything, SHE'S stealing from US," the Second offered to hammer her point home.
Shinji relented. "Fine."
Cautiously the pair tiptoed into the kitchen, a quick glance over the table assuring them Misato was still out.
"Where did she put her pocket book?" Asuka whispered.
Shinji pointed to a chair in the corner of the room. "Over there."
Stealthily the pair rounded the table and approached the chair. Gazing down they were both taken aback as they observed the contents of Misato's purse being rummaged through by Pen Pen.
Sensing their presence, the bird slowly turned and faced them, all the while carefully hiding a flipper full of cash behind his back.
Pen Pen eyed the boy carefully as he bent down for the Children's share of the bounty. Grabbing a sufficient amount of funds, Shinji slowly stood and the three conscious members of the Katsuragi household engaged in a brief staring contest.
The unspoken pact assured with mutual nods and winks, the three parted ways. Pen Pen returned to his bath while Shinji and Asuka walked out the front door of the apartment.
"That was...strange," Asuka said as she snatched the cash from Shinji's hand.
Her newfound wealth providing incentive, Asuka switched from her usual purposeful gait to an excited skip as Shinji struggled to keep up.
"Hey Asuka can I ask you a question?" he inquired upon reaching the elevator door and pushing the button.
"Sure," came her brief reply. She was busy staring at the ill-gotten gains, trying to determine the best way to destroy the evidence.
"Why did you say we are celebrating your initial victory?"
"I'm glad you asked Shinji." Asuka turned her gaze from the wad of money to her fellow pilot. "You see in a military campaign you have an initial strike and then the enemy will counterattack in an effort to regain the upper hand. The key to victory is repelling these counterattacks and advancing until victory is secured."
"So you're saying this isn't over?"
The elevator doors opened and Asuka stepped inside.
"No. This is war, after all."
The doors began to shut as Shinji jumped through the rapidly narrowing opening.
"Don't you think you are taking this a bit too far?"
"You're not thinking of backing out now, are you?" She shook her fist menacingly as she backed him into a corner. "Besides, YOU should be enjoying this. You get to kiss this vision of beauty, while I'm forced to lower my standards."
The determined look on Asuka's face convinced him to reconsider. "Fine, I'll stick with your plan."
"Good," she said as the elevator doors opened. "I knew you would see things my way."
The two Children walked out of the apartment complex and into the crowded sidewalk.
"I'm going to get a banana split," Shinji said as a vision of the perfect frozen dairy delight danced in his head.
"About that, change of plans," she replied nonchalantly. "We're going to the mall instead."
"The mall," he whined. "I don't think they have ice cream at the mall."
"Of course not silly. I need to get a new dress and really show Misato up. I mean her fashion sense is only slightly better then yours."
Shinji frowned as he stopped on the sidewalk, hands clenching and unclenching into tight-balled fists. The frown turned to an evil grin as the image of the banana split was replaced by his favorite vision.
Asuka was startled by the glower and maniacal smirk on Shinji's face as he stared off into space. He seemed to strangle some invisible object, the bulging veins in his hands testament to the force with which he was attacking the unseen enemy. Absentmindedly she rubbed her own neck as an uneasy feeling came over her.
"Come on stupid," she yelled back to the boy, "if your nice to me I'll let you buy me something at the mall."
To Be Continued...
Next Chapter: "Collateral Damage"
Well, this chapter went WAY longer then I anticipated. But now everyone can see what Asuka's plan is. Hopefully no one thinks this is too OOC, I tried very hard to keep everyone IC as best I can but dropping the serious tones. Remember in this story the Angels haven't been around for months so the tension and stress have declined greatly from the series. Rest assured that Rei will be making an appearance shortly and will provide some angst for coming chapters. It may have started as all Shinji and Asuka but never assume anything until the last word of the last chapter. It's been all Shinji and Asuka because that was the plan, now the plan's underway I can start to have some fun. Thanks to Random1377, 20eva and Rhine for prereading. And a special thanks to Daniel Snyder, the original Angry Young Paleontologist for providing me with a few ideas and some excellent commentary.
******************* OMAKE THEATER *******************
*Ryoma planned to write an omake, but a guest writer has signed on for this chapter.
Please welcome Hentai Ryoma !!!!
Hentai Ryoma: Thank you...thank you. Now, without further delay, I present Hentai Ryoma's Chapter 2 Omake Theater. *curtain raises*
Finally breaking free of the masses, she let out a groan upon observing him talking with the other 2 Stooges, Touji Suzahara and Kensuke Aida. Screwing up some courage along with her most foul expression, she dove into the heart of the testosterone filled triad.
"Excuse me Mo, Larry...I need to speak with Curly here for a moment."
Asuka began pushing Shinji away from the others when she felt him stiffen.
Glancing down at her hand on his crotch, she slowly and deliberately pulled down on his fly, her soft hands working his zipper, anxious to feel his...
*curtain falls*
Ryoma: HEY !!!! What are you doing?
Hentai Ryoma: I'm writing the omake you idiot !!!
Ryoma: This is rated PG13 you know. You can't write stuff like that.
Hentai Ryoma: Fine...spoilsport. I will skip that scene...
*curtain rises*
"Enough!"
Misato leaned over the table as she continued. "You wouldn't think it was so funny if you got your ass chewed out by Dr. Akagi and the Commander for over an hour," she bellowed turning her head back and forth to address each pilot individually as she spoke.
"It all started when Ritsuko told me they needed a replacement observer because Maya was sick. When I got to the office they both started stripping off their clothes. The Commander told me it was a security measure to ensure that no one was wired. I figured it made sense so I took off my clothes too. So we go in the office and as soon as the door shuts, Ritsuko throws me roughly to the desk, holding me down as the Commander's hands..."
*curtain falls*
Ryoma: STOP !!! STOP !!! STOP !!!
Hentai Ryoma: What now?
Ryoma: Your doing it again. Geez what's wrong with you?
Hentai Ryoma: Nothing, what's wrong with you? I'll try again...
*curtain rises*
In front of him the red head and the boy were standing and doing their best Angel alarm impressions as over to his right he noticed the unmistakable rump of his master shaking to and fro as she rummaged on her hands and knees though the refrigerator.
Silently sliding the towel off his shoulder, Pen Pen reached down...
*curtain falls, much quicker then previously*
Ryoma: Do NOT go there!
Hentai Ryoma: What? The penguin and the Major? Fine you prude...
*curtain rises*
"She's on to us Shinji, " she started while standing and silently walking past a stunned Operation's Director. She continued around the table finally stopping next to the trembling Shinji Ikari.
"I guess there's no use trying to hide it anymore. She's too smart."
With that said, Asuka ripped open her dress and jumped into Shinji's lap, throwing her arms around his neck as she watched him rapidly removing his clothes, anxious to consummate the plan fully. Asuka took one huge breath as she dove down on...
*curtain falls with a crash*
Ryoma: THAT'S IT !!! Get out of here, you hentai!
Hentai Ryoma: Well that's my name, what did you expect? Plus, I don't want to leave and you can't make me.
Ryoma: Fine stay if you want...but I heard Random1377 has a new lemon up on his site.
Hentai Ryoma: Really?
Ryoma: Yup.
Hentai Ryoma: Sorry folks, I have to go...see again you real soon.
Ryoma: Not if I can help it.
A division of Nergal Heavy Industries proudly presents:
The Best Laid Plans
Chapter Two "Asuka Strikes Back"
by Ryoma
Disclaimer: Characters from Neon Genesis Evangelion have been used without permission. All characters contained in this work are copyright GAINAX, Project EVA, Movic, AD Vision and Manga Entertainment.
"I don't know," Shinji whimpered. "Explain to me again how this is going to help you get revenge?"
Asuka stopped in her tracks and swung her book bag around, striking her companion in the shoulder.
"We've gone over this a hundred times now!" she exclaimed, her frustration obvious. Asuka watched as Shinji instinctively rubbed his upper arm though the blow wasn't too hard.
"Urgh! Believe me this plan is perfect," she said as the corners of her mouth up turned into an evil grin. "Misato won't even know what hit her."
The Second Child stepped forward and jabbed her finger into his chest.
"Just follow the damn plan and let me worry about the details!"
He could only manage a sheepish nod as they resumed their morning trek to school.
"Good boy," she added sarcastically.
They continued on in silence as both Children carefully reviewed the details of Asuka's plan in their minds. The morning sun was beginning its daily journey across the Tokyo-3 skyline, promising another gorgeous summer day. The pair was oblivious to the sounds of traffic and the hustle and bustle of city life as they worked their way through the maze of sidewalks that would eventually lead them to their final destination. School.
"It's never going to work..." Shinji mumbled while turning to check the street crossing.
"What did you say?" Asuka yelled as she followed him out into the crosswalk.
Receiving no response from the retreating Unit 01 pilot she reached out and grabbed his arm, spinning him around to face her wrath.
"What did you just say!"
"Nothing."
Asuka increased the pressure on his arm, her freshly manicured nails digging deep into his flesh and threatening at any moment to burst through the skin.
"I'll only ask one more time...what did you say?"
"I said 'it's never going to work,' that's all," he confessed.
Asuka closed her eyes and lowered her head in anticipation of unleashing another diatribe against her reluctant co-conspirator. After all, she HAD explained why the plan would work at least ten times now. Even someone as dense as Shinji should have figured it out by now...
Her concentration was broken by an incessant tugging as her captive struggled to free himself. Slowly opening her eyes she looked around and took in the sight of a line of cars on both sides of the crossing, drivers alternating between mashing their horns and yelling out insults to the two teens.
"Blow it out your ass!" Asuka screamed to no one in particular.
The driver in the front of the line seemed to take her comments to heart as he whipped his arm out the window, providing the Unit 02 pilot with his assessment of her piloting skill level.
Of course that would have been an optimistic view as she knew the true meaning of pronouncing someone as number one with their middle finger.
Asuka turned to face the man, her face ablaze in red and contorted in a very frightening manner. He quickly closed his window in fear as she gave her opinion of his driving skills. In a panic he clicked the door lock repeatedly during her dual single finger salute and fleeting question regarding the man's sexuality.
Content that the foe had been vanquished, she turned to face Shinji. The anger on her face turned to shock as she found he had skillfully used the distraction to escape her clutches and was now standing on the far side of the street watching her every move.
In a huff Asuka placed her hands on her hips and glared at him as the chorus of insults and honking horns continued. With a sigh she slowly completed her crossing, but not before providing the motoring public with a very loud vocal comparison between them and a certain orifice on the human body.
Reaching Shinji she stepped on the sidewalk as the traffic roared by. She began pointing to her temple and smiling as he looked at her curiously.
"Got that bastard's license plate right here," she said as the two continued on toward the school. "I'm going to find out where that son of a bitch lives and next Angel battle I'm going to drop my Unit 02's size four hundred right on that piece of shit car of his."
Shinji gulped audibly as he realized that she was probably serious. During the battle with the Tenth Angel, the falling Angel, Asuka was able to successfully trample the houses of two classmates who had the misfortune of cutting her in the lunch line. The amazing fact was that the dwellings were a solid kilometer out of her assigned route and she still ended up only being a couple of seconds behind schedule.
"Why are you so against my plan?" Asuka continued returning to the previous topic of discussion. "It's better than anything you came up with."
Shinji looked up from inspecting the five deep fingernail crescents in his arm. "I never came up with a plan. I wanted to confront Misato but you insist on getting your precious revenge."
"Well my honor has been damaged. If you were a REAL man you would stand up for me."
"I am a real man," he grumbled.
"You could have fooled me," she returned abruptly. Blinking rapidly while turning skyward, her tone lightening a bit. "Now Kaji...he's a real man."
Shinji brought his hand up as he prepared to speak, then let it fall to his side as he sharply turned away and continued walking in the direction of the school.
Asuka stood frozen as she watched him hurry away, his pained expression still fresh in her mind.
---------
"Rise...bow...dismissed."
As soon as the last syllable left Hikari Horaki's lips, Asuka sprang from her desk and sprinted over to Shinji's. Her unopened emails and his deliberate avoidance at lunch were fueling her anger as she pushed against the tide of outgoing students in the crowded aisle.
Finally breaking free of the masses, she let out a groan upon observing him talking with the other 2 Stooges, Touji Suzahara and Kensuke Aida. Screwing up some courage along with her most foul expression, she dove into the heart of the testosterone filled trio.
"Excuse me Mo, Larry...I need to speak with Curly here for a moment."
Asuka began pushing Shinji away from the others when she felt him stiffen and hold his ground.
"What?" he flatly questioned holding her stare for just a moment before turning away.
"What's your problem?" she said.
"Nothing."
Any further attempts at conversation were sabotaged by an annoying prattle in her ears. Turning away from Shinji she faced the source of the irritation.
"Would you two please shut the hell up!" she barked. Closing her eyes she tightened the grip on the Third's collar to ensure that escape was impossible.
"I need to discuss some NERV related stuff with my colleague here," she added through a suddenly sweet smile. "You remember NERV don't you? The super secret agency that saves your sorry asses from the Angels. The same agency that's been known to make eavesdroppers disappear without a trace."
Touji stepped forward and started shouting at the side of her face.
"You don't scare me, you or NERV!" he yelled, spit falling dangerously close to her shoulder. "Besides," he said, his tone now calmer, "there's nothing you can tell Shinji that you can't tell his two closest friends."
"Yeah," Kensuke added, but not before positioning his larger friend between himself and the girl he called The Devil.
"Go away," she advised between clenched teeth. "Now!"
The two stooges gazed at their helpless comrade. The hurting look in his eyes convinced Touji to make one last desperate stand.
"No," he started in his most confident voice. "Why don't you go shove a bratwurst up..."
Touji found himself unable to finish that ecchi thought as he crumpled over, his head and upper torso forced over as he was pulled roughly toward the floor.
"TOUJI!"
Gently easing his head up just a bit, his eyes following the arm attached to the hand that held a firm grasp of his ear. At the end of said appendage he noticed the glaring face of the class rep as she redoubled her efforts to forcibly remove that particular piece of loose skin.
"OOUUCCCCHHHHHH!"
"Touji," Hikari started in her most deliberate voice. "You weren't going to say anything disgusting to Miss Asuka, were you?"
"No," came his weak reply.
"That's what I thought," she said while releasing his now crimson and throbbing ear.
Mercifully freed from the vise-like hold, Touji stood upright and began furiously rubbing the side of his head.
"That really hurt you know."
Hikari simply nodded and smiled.
Defeated, he decided a tactical retreat was in order. With Hikari now present, Touji knew full well that it would be impossible to respond properly to Asuka's insults. With a reluctant sigh, he turned to Kensuke signaling the withdrawal.
"Come on 'suke...let's leave the lovebirds alone."
Under the watchful eyes of the class rep, Shinji's two friends sulked away but not before Kensuke was able to fire off one final volley.
"They're probably deciding who's going to be on top tonight," he whispered loud enough for all to hear.
A slight giggle escaped Hikari's lips before her hands shot up to her face to stop any further outbursts. Glancing over at the blushing Eva Pilots, she quickly turned away as another bout of laughter threatened to overwhelm her.
"Come on you two," Hikari said as she ran up behind the boys, "you can help me clean up."
Asuka watched as the three left the room, the unmistakable sound of Miss Horaki's laughter filling the air just as the classroom door slid shut.
Turning back to Shinji, she started her previous line of questioning again.
"What's the problem?"
"I told you I don't have a problem," he muttered as he stared down at the floor.
"Then why did you ignore me at lunch and not open any of my emails?"
Shinji shrugged his shoulders and left it at that, still unable to meet her gaze.
"Look," she said grabbing his arm and demanding his attention. "Are you going through with the plan or not? Quit the 'everybody feel sorry for me' act. I hate it when you do that."
Gritting her teeth and balling her hands to fists, she continued. "I...need you," she said though the words were barely audible. "I can't do this alone."
A few long moments of reflection and his facial expression seemed to lighten just a bit.
"That's true...you need me."
Asuka watched the easing tension between them and pressed her advantage. "I sure do," she nodded while releasing his arm.
"So...can I count on you?" she asked with a hint of almost pleading in her tone.
Shinji smiled and returned her nod. "You can count on me."
His smile proved infectious as Asuka too found herself grinning like an idiot.
"Good," she replied as they both turned and started walking toward the front of the room.
Reaching the door, Asuka spun around and presented her book bag to Shinji.
"Here."
"What's this for?" came his puzzled reply.
"It's part of my plan, that's what."
Shinji thought for a moment while taking the tote from the redhead.
"No it's not."
Asuka quickly stepped through the now open doorway and turned to her prey, a sly smirk dominating her expression. "It is now!"
She broke into a near sprint as Shinji was left standing stunned at her sudden departure.
"Come on stupid," she called from the far end of the hall, "we're late for sync tests."
He carefully slid the door shut and smiled as he thought about her playful behavior. It was nice to see her having fun and acting like a teenager for once in her life. The troubled girl he first met a year before was finally lowering her defenses just a bit and opening up.
Snapping out of his trance, he quickly ran off after her.
---------
Shinji finished clearing off the table as all the while Asuka watched him intently. Tapping her fingers impatiently, she quickly glanced over to the clock on the wall and noted that exactly one minute had passed since her last inspection.
Her tapping foot now matching her fingers in a futile attempt to burn off the excess energy she was generating, Asuka's head again rose up to check the time as the Third sat down at the other side of the table.
"Misato's going to be home any minute," she said. Shinji nodded in agreement as she continued, "You know what to do, right?"
"Yes," he groaned, "we've gone over this all day."
"Just checking...I don't want you to blow it."
"Don't worry about me," he replied in an irritated tone. "I'll be following YOUR lead."
"Good," she responded through her fiendish grin. "Very good."
Though her outward appearance exuded confidence, the rolling fingers and tapping feet conveyed just the opposite feeling to Shinji. Stealing a quick glance as she again checked the time, he could swear that she was shaking. This from a girl would dive into a battle with a fifty story Angel without thinking twice about it.
"What?" she questioned upon catching him staring.
"Ah...nothing," he stammered, quickly turning to observe the clock himself.
"Shinji!"
"Well...why are you so nervous? How do you even know that tonight will be the night?"
Asuka had been expecting the second question ever since noticing Shinji's calm demeanor, completely unlike him given his upcoming role in her plan. The first question caught her by surprise but she chose to ignore it altogether rather then show him any signs of weakness.
"Oh no, it starts tonight."
She watched as her companion started to turn pale, the color leaving his skin right before her eyes.
He gulped audibly to clear his now dry throat. "Are...are you sure?" he sputtered out, still hoping for a reprieve.
"I guarantee it," she replied through her feral grin, satisfied that her fellow conspirator was now aware of how the night's events would unfold.
Shinji sunk lower into his chair as the two stared at each other for a few moments, both coming to the realization that Asuka plan would soon be implemented... and there would be no turning back.
Soon the sounds of two sets of rolling fingers and tapping feet filled the apartment. The door to Pen Pen's refrigerator slid open as he stuck his head out to find the source of the incessant rapping.
Looking up at the two pale and shaking teenagers, he waddled over to his personal baseboard mounted thermostat. Twice banging it with his flipper he noted the temperature in the room appeared normal as he scratched his head in bewilderment.
With a shrug he waddled into the bathroom and slammed the door behind himself.
---------
"Hello?"
The call came from the entranceway as the front door slid shut.
Within moments a very disheveled looking Major walked into the kitchen and straight for the fridge. Not bothering to shut the door, she pulled out a Yebisu and drank it one long gulp.
"Hi Misa..." Shinji began before Misato held her hand out indicating for him to stop as she started a second beer. He could only watch as her throat contracted and released in a desperate attempt to inhale the cherished alcoholic beverage.
Throwing the empty can into the sink, she stood with her back to the Children, holding the counter for support.
"Hi, Shinji."
"Hello Misato," he returned with a cheery smile.
"What, no greeting for me?" Asuka said sarcastically.
Misato mumbled something to herself as an exasperated sigh left her lips.
"Tough day at the office?"
Their guardian gripped down hard on the countertop, her fingers desperately trying to rip out the linoleum and jam it down a certain annoying girl's trachea.
"You could say that," Misato grumbled as she opened the refrigerator for another beer. "Of course you should know all about that, right Asuka?"
"Why Misato, whatever are you talking about?" the Second Child innocently replied.
"Don't give me that crap!" the violet haired older woman screamed, violently slamming her beer can on the table. "I don't know what kind of game you are playing, but it needs to stop NOW!"
She ripped the can off the table and started to drink it again. Asuka eyed her guardian for a moment before she spoke.
"Games? I'm not playing games." She watched as Misato's brow furrowed over the can in rage. "Oh, you must be talking about my sync rate. What happened? Did the dufus over there beat me again?"
"Hey," came a meek cry from the other side of the table.
"Yes the dufus beat your score."
Misato slapped her head as he cried out again. "Sorry Shinji. Your partner over here is driving me crazy."
Asuka's smug smile did nothing to reduce Misato's plight as she clenched and unclenched her fists, moving closer to face the source of her current problems.
"Dammit Asuka, you blew those test scores on purpose...why?"
"I'll admit that I didn't perform that great today, but I guess there's always next time." She ended her statement by crossing her arms on her chest as she smiled placidly up at the Major.
The sound of imploding aluminum echoed through the kitchen as Misato pulled the empty can from her lips and threw the mangled container into the sink. Walking over she opened the refrigerator and knelt down, pretending to search for a full replacement while using the break in the action to devise a new strategy.
"Ah, here we go," she exclaimed as she simultaneously turned and shut the door. "Well Asuka, a few more scores like today and you may find yourself behind Rei and the Prototype Unit."
Misato smiled as she slowly lifted the tab on the Yebisu, letting the pressure gradually escape into the air. "Yup, looks like Rei will be taking point during the next attack."
The older woman took a slip of the marvelous ale, enjoying the taste but all the time her eyes were glued on a certain Eva pilot who was trying her best to remain calm.
"Please Misato...the only way Wondergirl could stop an Angel would be if it wrapped around her and she blew herself up. Not that I would complain."
Normally the thought of Rei doing such a thing would frighten him, but given Asuka's tone and the shear ridiculousness of such an event occurring, even Shinji had to chuckle at her offhand comment.
"Better still," she chortled, "imagine that doll saving my ass someday. Tell me more about your drunken fantasy land Misato."
"Rei saving you, that's funny," Shinji snorted out through his laughter, "you would go absolutely insane."
"And that ought to happen," Asuka snickered while pointing to the boy, "right after that moron stands up to his father."
Both Children were soon laughing uncontrollably as images of these preposterous scenarios played in their heads.
Misato held the can motionless against her lips, her eyes slowly switching from one Child to the other as the banter continued. Her reasons were obvious. First she really needed a drink, actually lots. Second and more important, she needed to hide her grin behind the aluminum shield.
Rei blowing herself up, Asuka depending on Rei's help, Shinji standing up to his father. What was next, her shooting Kaji?
"I got one, Asuka...M...Misato giving up drinking."
Fighting hard she suppressed her laughter while loudly slamming her beverage container gavel down.
"Enough!"
Misato leaned over the table as she continued. "You wouldn't think it was so funny if you got your ass chewed out by Dr. Akagi and the Commander for over an hour," she bellowed turning her head back and forth to address each pilot equally as she spoke. She paused as her words broke the revelry, at least for Shinji. Asuka's blissful expression convinced Misato that she was still imagining scenes of Rei's self destruction.
"Asuka!" she roared finally returning the girl from cloud nine. "This will not happen again."
Standing up straight, Misato stepped back into the center of the kitchen, commanding the undivided attention of both charges. Crossing her arms on her chest she glared down at the two.
"To this end you two will resume your previous training schedule, including..." she said as Shinji's groaning and Asuka's torrent of German profanities threatened to drown her out. "Including sync tests each and every day."
Satisfied with her work Misato now tried to block out the vulgar comments directed at her by both occupants at the table. Rocking her can back and forth she wiggled out the last drop of beer as she turned to get another.
---------
The boisterous racket in the next room awoke Pen Pen from his bath. Grabbing a towel he slid open the bathroom door and with a quick check to the left, then to the right and back to the left again he waddled into the entrance to the kitchen.
In front of him the redhead and the boy were standing and doing their best Angel alarm impressions as over to his right he noticed the unmistakable rump of his master shaking to and fro as she rummaged on her hands and knees though the refrigerator.
Silently sliding the towel off his shoulder, Pen Pen began to twist it as he moved within range of the ultimate towel snap.
"WARK!" he exclaimed as Misato stood up and patted him on the head.
"Thanks, Pen Pen," she said while grabbing the towel and wiping her sweaty brow with it.
"Think fast!"
"WWAARRKKK!" the bird cried as the cloth snapped him in his tail feathers.
---------
The beer wasn't helping her pounding headache and neither was the pair of screaming Children. For a couple of kids they sure knew some nasty language, she mused to herself.
She could go in the living room, but they would just follow her. She could leave, but after the day she had that would have required too much energy that she didn't have. Tonight she just wanted to sit back and relax with no surprises. That meant only one option remained.
The Katsuragi Maneuver.
"Asuka...Asuka...ASUKA!"
Finally the Major got her attention over the din.
"Asuka, why did you purposely lower your scores?"
"I...didn't...lower my...scores," she panted, winded from her previous outbursts.
"Are you sure? You can't hide the truth from me you know," Misato proclaimed confidently.
"What?"
"I know what you're doing."
Asuka took a deep breath, worried that somehow despite her best efforts the Major discovered her plan before she even had a chance to implement it.
"What am I doing?" she said, closing her eyes and awaiting a scolding from her superior.
A wide smile grew on Misato's face as she instituted the Katsuragi Maneuver.
"Why, you are letting your boyfriend over there win...it's kind of cute in a way but very unprofessional."
This time the grin shifted to Asuka as she slowly opened her eyes, the bait having been taken.
It was time to launch the Langley Counteroffensive.
"Misato's on to us Shinji, " she said as she stood and silently walked past the stunned Operation's Director. She continued around the table finally stopping next to the trembling Shinji Ikari.
"I guess there's no use trying to hide it anymore. She's too smart."
Asuka jumped into Shinji's lap and threw her arms around his neck as she took one huge breath and pulled him into a deep, passionate kiss.
"OH MY G..."
That was all Misato could manage to get out before the combination of shock and alcohol caused her to faint, her body hitting the floor with a resounding thud.
The Eva Pilots broke the kiss and cautiously peered over the edge of the table at their fallen companion. Vigilantly they watched as Pen Pen approached the older woman with great care, poking at her head with his flipper.
"Please tell me she's not dead," Shinji cried out in horror.
"No, look she's still breathing."
Shinji watched as Misato's body rose and fell in a steady rhythmic pattern indicating that life still coursed through her veins.
"Neat and clean, just the way I like it," Asuka commented her face awash with contentment as she finally removed herself from his lap and stood.
"You didn't really think she would faint, did you?" Shinji quizzed.
"Actually this is more then I hoped for. I just figured she would rant and rave or something."
"I have to admit it Asuka, your plan worked pretty well."
"What are you stupid? Was there ever any doubt?"
Inadvertently Shinji nodded his head slightly.
"ARGH, Third Child! If I didn't need you in one piece..."
He looked over at her and smiled. "Sorry."
Asuka watched as he sat back into his chair, his gaze moving absently about the room. Deciding that indeed her initial strike had been an overwhelming success, she too settled back into her chair and observed her fellow accomplice. She couldn't help but notice the sharp contrast between his current appearance and the pained one earlier that morning.
"What are you so happy about?" Asuka asked, her curiosity finally getting the better of her. "I thought you didn't approve of my plan?"
"It's not that...it's just..."
"Just what?"
"Oh nothing."
Asuka slammed her palms down on the table as she stood, glaring at her companion.
"Dammit Shinji, don't you know that when you say 'nothing' in that tone of voice it practically DEMANDS that people pay attention to you?"
"Well," he said as he turned away from her gaze. "You didn't brush your teeth."
"Huh?" she replied, befuddled.
"You remember last time we...well kissed," Shinji stammered through his blush.
"This time was an act...you know for show. It wasn't serious or anything."
"Oh," Shinji sighed, his smile now gone.
Asuka eyed him curiously as he stared down at the floor below.
"On the bright side you were much better this time then before."
"This time I could breathe," he replied with a hint of a grin returning.
"If you keep this up you'll have all the girls after you. You could be a regular Shinji the Casanova."
"Do you really think so?" he asked excitedly.
"I mean it wasn't up to the standards of someone like me and of course you are still a boy and have a lot to learn, but it was...acceptable."
Shinji reviewed her words carefully. "Thanks...I guess."
"Hey, how did you get so much better anyway?"
Shinji blushed as memories of a few choice DVD's borrowed from Kensuke replayed in his mind.
"I bet you and the doll have been practicing over in her apartment."
"No!" came the panicked reply.
"Sure you haven't. I see the way you look at her. You make those eyes at her all the time."
"No, I don't and you know it."
"So you don't like her?" Asuka pressed a hint of excitement in her tone.
"I didn't say that. The fact is I like her a lot."
It was Asuka's turn to frown. "I see," she said as she stared out into space.
An uneasy silence filled the room as the two pilots eyes wandered about the room, taking in the vast intricacies of such items as the clock, the coffee maker, the floor pattern...everything but one another. Both Children fought hard to avoid being caught in the others gaze.
"Ice cream."
Those words from Asuka broke the edgy silence.
"Ice cream?" Shinji hesitantly replied.
"Yeah, ice cream. You can buy me some ice cream to celebrate my initial victory."
Shinji leaned over the table to look at his still unconscious guardian.
"What about Misato? Can we just leave her here like this?"
"She'll be fine," Asuka replied, now also looking down at the fallen woman. "Do you want to be here when she wakes up?"
Shinji thought for a moment. "No way," he said shaking his head for emphasis.
"Good choice, now let's go before she wakes up. I hear two scoops of strawberry calling my name."
They walked over to the apartment door and began putting on their shoes. Shinji turned pale as he dug through each of his pockets in a desperate search.
"Um...Asuka?" he said meekly. "I don't have any money."
Asuka finished tying her sneaker before standing and facing the boy who was still frantically exploring every pocket on the slim chance he might have missed something previously.
"You really are useless. Tell you what, I'll loan you the money to buy me some ice cream, okay?"
"Thanks Asuka," Shinji replied with a smile, not really understanding the ramifications of her statement.
It was Asuka's turn to look ashen as she repeated Shinji's earlier search pattern.
"Dammit!" she bellowed realizing the futility of her quest. "I really wish they would just give us one of those stupid NERV credit cards I keep reading about."
"Come on Asuka, Misato told us there is no such thing as a NERV credit card. And besides, even NERV isn't crazy enough to put a credit card into the hands of a fifteen year old."
"Yeah forget about the damage and Angel can do, image me with unlimited credit at the mall."
"You would bankrupt NERV in a month," Shinji quipped.
"Not funny Third Child," Asuka growled. "Can't your father do something about this?"
He shook his head. "No, he said any money we earn goes into a trust fund that can't be touched until we are either eighteen or are dead in which case it goes to our next of kin."
"Your father is jerk."
Shinji nodded his approval.
"So what are we going to do for money?" Asuka huffed.
Her hands grabbed her hips, her foot tapping the ground in disgust. Shinji chose to stare at the floor, awaiting her inevitable outburst. Somehow this must be his fault.
"I got it," she exclaimed, jolting him from his trance. "Go grab some of Misato's cash."
"What?!" he shouted, surprised by her solution to their monetary dilemma. Playing jokes on Misato was one thing, but this was something entirely different. Petty larceny seemed so beneath her. "Isn't that stealing?"
"What are you stupid? Of course it's not stealing."
A puzzled stare was his only reply as he eagerly awaited an explanation.
"It's simple," she said, "even a moron like you can figure it out."
She looked at the Third Child to ensure his undivided attention. "NERV gives Misato extra money because she is our guardian, right?"
The slight nod from Shinji allowed her to continue. "Well this makes some of her money, OUR money. So, it's not stealing if you go and take some of our money out of her purse."
A triumphant smile was plastered on Asuka's face as she watched her companion stand in silent contemplation, sorting through the details of her supposition. Her theory had some very valid points, but he still felt uneasy about the whole idea.
"If anything, SHE'S stealing from US," the Second offered to hammer her point home.
Shinji relented. "Fine."
Cautiously the pair tiptoed into the kitchen, a quick glance over the table assuring them Misato was still out.
"Where did she put her pocket book?" Asuka whispered.
Shinji pointed to a chair in the corner of the room. "Over there."
Stealthily the pair rounded the table and approached the chair. Gazing down they were both taken aback as they observed the contents of Misato's purse being rummaged through by Pen Pen.
Sensing their presence, the bird slowly turned and faced them, all the while carefully hiding a flipper full of cash behind his back.
Pen Pen eyed the boy carefully as he bent down for the Children's share of the bounty. Grabbing a sufficient amount of funds, Shinji slowly stood and the three conscious members of the Katsuragi household engaged in a brief staring contest.
The unspoken pact assured with mutual nods and winks, the three parted ways. Pen Pen returned to his bath while Shinji and Asuka walked out the front door of the apartment.
"That was...strange," Asuka said as she snatched the cash from Shinji's hand.
Her newfound wealth providing incentive, Asuka switched from her usual purposeful gait to an excited skip as Shinji struggled to keep up.
"Hey Asuka can I ask you a question?" he inquired upon reaching the elevator door and pushing the button.
"Sure," came her brief reply. She was busy staring at the ill-gotten gains, trying to determine the best way to destroy the evidence.
"Why did you say we are celebrating your initial victory?"
"I'm glad you asked Shinji." Asuka turned her gaze from the wad of money to her fellow pilot. "You see in a military campaign you have an initial strike and then the enemy will counterattack in an effort to regain the upper hand. The key to victory is repelling these counterattacks and advancing until victory is secured."
"So you're saying this isn't over?"
The elevator doors opened and Asuka stepped inside.
"No. This is war, after all."
The doors began to shut as Shinji jumped through the rapidly narrowing opening.
"Don't you think you are taking this a bit too far?"
"You're not thinking of backing out now, are you?" She shook her fist menacingly as she backed him into a corner. "Besides, YOU should be enjoying this. You get to kiss this vision of beauty, while I'm forced to lower my standards."
The determined look on Asuka's face convinced him to reconsider. "Fine, I'll stick with your plan."
"Good," she said as the elevator doors opened. "I knew you would see things my way."
The two Children walked out of the apartment complex and into the crowded sidewalk.
"I'm going to get a banana split," Shinji said as a vision of the perfect frozen dairy delight danced in his head.
"About that, change of plans," she replied nonchalantly. "We're going to the mall instead."
"The mall," he whined. "I don't think they have ice cream at the mall."
"Of course not silly. I need to get a new dress and really show Misato up. I mean her fashion sense is only slightly better then yours."
Shinji frowned as he stopped on the sidewalk, hands clenching and unclenching into tight-balled fists. The frown turned to an evil grin as the image of the banana split was replaced by his favorite vision.
Asuka was startled by the glower and maniacal smirk on Shinji's face as he stared off into space. He seemed to strangle some invisible object, the bulging veins in his hands testament to the force with which he was attacking the unseen enemy. Absentmindedly she rubbed her own neck as an uneasy feeling came over her.
"Come on stupid," she yelled back to the boy, "if your nice to me I'll let you buy me something at the mall."
To Be Continued...
Next Chapter: "Collateral Damage"
Well, this chapter went WAY longer then I anticipated. But now everyone can see what Asuka's plan is. Hopefully no one thinks this is too OOC, I tried very hard to keep everyone IC as best I can but dropping the serious tones. Remember in this story the Angels haven't been around for months so the tension and stress have declined greatly from the series. Rest assured that Rei will be making an appearance shortly and will provide some angst for coming chapters. It may have started as all Shinji and Asuka but never assume anything until the last word of the last chapter. It's been all Shinji and Asuka because that was the plan, now the plan's underway I can start to have some fun. Thanks to Random1377, 20eva and Rhine for prereading. And a special thanks to Daniel Snyder, the original Angry Young Paleontologist for providing me with a few ideas and some excellent commentary.
******************* OMAKE THEATER *******************
*Ryoma planned to write an omake, but a guest writer has signed on for this chapter.
Please welcome Hentai Ryoma !!!!
Hentai Ryoma: Thank you...thank you. Now, without further delay, I present Hentai Ryoma's Chapter 2 Omake Theater. *curtain raises*
Finally breaking free of the masses, she let out a groan upon observing him talking with the other 2 Stooges, Touji Suzahara and Kensuke Aida. Screwing up some courage along with her most foul expression, she dove into the heart of the testosterone filled triad.
"Excuse me Mo, Larry...I need to speak with Curly here for a moment."
Asuka began pushing Shinji away from the others when she felt him stiffen.
Glancing down at her hand on his crotch, she slowly and deliberately pulled down on his fly, her soft hands working his zipper, anxious to feel his...
*curtain falls*
Ryoma: HEY !!!! What are you doing?
Hentai Ryoma: I'm writing the omake you idiot !!!
Ryoma: This is rated PG13 you know. You can't write stuff like that.
Hentai Ryoma: Fine...spoilsport. I will skip that scene...
*curtain rises*
"Enough!"
Misato leaned over the table as she continued. "You wouldn't think it was so funny if you got your ass chewed out by Dr. Akagi and the Commander for over an hour," she bellowed turning her head back and forth to address each pilot individually as she spoke.
"It all started when Ritsuko told me they needed a replacement observer because Maya was sick. When I got to the office they both started stripping off their clothes. The Commander told me it was a security measure to ensure that no one was wired. I figured it made sense so I took off my clothes too. So we go in the office and as soon as the door shuts, Ritsuko throws me roughly to the desk, holding me down as the Commander's hands..."
*curtain falls*
Ryoma: STOP !!! STOP !!! STOP !!!
Hentai Ryoma: What now?
Ryoma: Your doing it again. Geez what's wrong with you?
Hentai Ryoma: Nothing, what's wrong with you? I'll try again...
*curtain rises*
In front of him the red head and the boy were standing and doing their best Angel alarm impressions as over to his right he noticed the unmistakable rump of his master shaking to and fro as she rummaged on her hands and knees though the refrigerator.
Silently sliding the towel off his shoulder, Pen Pen reached down...
*curtain falls, much quicker then previously*
Ryoma: Do NOT go there!
Hentai Ryoma: What? The penguin and the Major? Fine you prude...
*curtain rises*
"She's on to us Shinji, " she started while standing and silently walking past a stunned Operation's Director. She continued around the table finally stopping next to the trembling Shinji Ikari.
"I guess there's no use trying to hide it anymore. She's too smart."
With that said, Asuka ripped open her dress and jumped into Shinji's lap, throwing her arms around his neck as she watched him rapidly removing his clothes, anxious to consummate the plan fully. Asuka took one huge breath as she dove down on...
*curtain falls with a crash*
Ryoma: THAT'S IT !!! Get out of here, you hentai!
Hentai Ryoma: Well that's my name, what did you expect? Plus, I don't want to leave and you can't make me.
Ryoma: Fine stay if you want...but I heard Random1377 has a new lemon up on his site.
Hentai Ryoma: Really?
Ryoma: Yup.
Hentai Ryoma: Sorry folks, I have to go...see again you real soon.
Ryoma: Not if I can help it.