Nergal Fan Fiction LLC
A division of Nergal Heavy Industries proudly presents:
The Best Laid Plans
Chapter Three "Collateral Damage"
by Ryoma
Disclaimer: Characters from Neon Genesis Evangelion have been used without permission. All characters contained in this work are copyright GAINAX, Project EVA, Movic, AD Vision and Manga Entertainment.
"Hey Asuka wait up!" Hikari called upon seeing her best friend walk through the crowded courtyard. The morning sun shone through a few scattered clouds overhead as all across the man made fortress city of Tokyo-3 children trudged into school.
And Evangelion Children were no exception...
"Hey Hikari. How are you this morning?"
"No complaints I guess...Good morning Shinji," she said with a shy grin as she finally noticed Asuka's companion.
"Good morning," the Unit 01 pilot returned with a slight nod.
"Goodbye Shinji," Asuka interjected wiping the smile off his face.
"Huh? What?" came his bewildered reply.
"I said goodbye," she grumbled, placing her hands on her hips to demonstrate her impatience. "You know, girl talk...stuff like that." Convinced that despite her best efforts at diplomacy, Shinji was still missing the point, Asuka used a more direct approach.
"Go!" she shouted while pushing him away.
"Fine," he grumbled after taking a step back to steady himself.
Stretching his neck in an effort to look over the crowd of students, he scanned left and right in a valiant search for his friends. Undaunted in his first attempt, he repeated his survey, making careful note of each face he spied, to ensure that he did not miss them.
"SHINJI!" Asuka screamed causing the boy to jump. "They're probably over peeping at the swim team."
A smile came over Shinji's face as he dove into the mob and took off in the direction of the pool.
"Pervert," Asuka mumbled as she watched him disappear out the corner of her eye.
"So...," Hikari started anxious to return to the conversation, "what's the story between you two anyway?"
Asuka cocked her head a bit as she scowled at her friend. "Story?" she returned, her voice filled with annoyance.
"Yes. Are you and Shinji going out?"
Asuka's face went completely blank as she tried to respond, however Hikari didn't give her the opportunity. One thing the brown haired girl knew from the many months they had spent together, if you wanted to say something to the Second Child, you needed to speak when the chance presented itself, regardless of proper etiquette.
"Because if you are going out it would be so great. I mean two Eva pilots falling in love and becoming a couple. It's the kind of stuff you read about in those cheesy love stories everyone loves."
Hikari paused to catch her breath as Asuka raised her hands in silent denial of her friend's question. After all, they were definitely NOT going out.
"Hika..." was all Asuka could get out before again the class rep spoke over her, determined to finish saying her peace.
"Of course if you were going out you two would instantly jump to the top of the class couple list, knocking off Yurika and her little boy toy Akito."
Asuka shook her head, hoping somehow to stop Hikari from further embarrassing herself. Though the thought of moving to the top of the class couple list presented more then a passing interest.
"Plus Shinji's cute and all the girls want him," the class rep rambled on. "After all he is famous for fighting the Angels and he's..."
This comment seemed to pique her interest even more then the couple statement as Asuka decided at last to assert some authority over her friend.
"Wait...wait...WAIT A MINUTE!" she screamed finally ceasing the class rep's monologue. "What do you mean all the girls want him?"
"I thought you knew," Hikari said after catching her breath. She turned to face her friend. "A lot of the girls in class have asked me about him. Asking if you two were going out. What kind of guy he is. Stuff like that."
"Girls in our class were asking about Shinji? Shinji Ikari? The same moron who I have been stuck living with for the past year?"
Hikari frowned as she heard Asuka's words. "I'm sorry," she whispered, "I saw you two at the mall last night and just assumed..."
"Assumed what?"
Touji's deep voice carried over the din around them as he approached. "Assumed what?" he reiterated, "that the devil here has a heart. No way."
Asuka turned and leered at the boy. "Look Hikari the lower half of the Bell curve is here. I hope we have a quiz."
Hikari instinctively stepped between the two glaring teenagers, assuming her usual role as peacekeeper.
"Now Touji, Asuka and I were having a private conversation and you shouldn't have interrupted." The tone in her voice undermined her words as she blinked adoringly at the track-suited boy.
"I'm sorry," he apologized, soliciting a blush from Hikari's cheeks before he turned to face his mortal enemy. "But you know how she brings out the worst in me."
"I bring out the worst in you?" Asuka screamed raising her personal AT field. "YOU bring out the worst in me. You and your moronic friends."
"Hey," Touji said as he inched closer, Asuka mirroring his movement. Hikari found herself the meat in a Sohryu and Suzahara sandwich.
"You take that back!"
"You're right, I take that back." Asuka said narrowing her eyes, a smug grin now on her face. "You and your friends are morons AND perverted."
"ENOUGH!" Hikari bellowed, showing surprising strength for a girl her size as she pushed the two apart. "Both of you stop it."
The combatants each grumbled and turned away leaving Hikari alone in the center. "Good, you two need to get along."
"Who needs to get along?" Kensuke said as he arrived on the scene, his peddling of pictures finished for the day.
Touji felt bolstered by the arrival of reinforcements and acted accordingly. "She's is talking about me and the red haired bitc..."
"TOUJI!" Hikari screamed as Asuka balled up her fist and glared at him over her shoulder.
"Oh, she's talking about you and the bitch," Kensuke said nonchalantly as he pushed his glasses up on his nose.
"That's it," Asuka said as she pushed into Hikari, appearing desperate to fight through her restraints and battle the two Stooges.
As she feigned a struggle with Hikari, Asuka used this opportunity to carefully assess the situation. One on one, she could beat either of the boys. Combined they might prove to be a difficult task, but given her current state of rage she deemed that an acceptable risk.
However just before she pressed forward with her standard bull rush attack, she noticed the unmistakable images of the two girls she exacted revenge upon with her Eva. Their scowls and clenched fists conveyed the feeling that didn't appreciate the remodeling that Asuka had done for them. Well, not so much remodeling as demolition...
The distinct possibility of four on one convinced the Second Child that for now at least, the only battle to be fought was the war of words. Although Touji and Kensuke were dorks, at least she could count on them to keep their mouths shut, but these other girls were an unknown. They could report her to the principal if she beat them in a fight and Misato had warned her about getting into trouble at school. Given the current state of war between herself and her guardian, Asuka knew she could ill afford giving Misato any reason to punish her. And another fight would sure provide a good reason.
"Sorry Hikari," Asuka grumbled still trying to cope with the ideas of both apologizing and retreating. "I shouldn't stoop to their level of idiocy," she said while stepping back.
Touji and Kensuke glanced at one another and nodded. Asuka's withdrawal from the physical confrontation buoyed their hopes as they silently agreed to press the attack.
"Just as I thought, you're not so tough when you're not sitting inside old big red and gruesome," Kensuke commented as he looked away in mock disgust.
"Yeah, and what's with red anyway? It's WAY overrated as a color," Touji chimed in taking his partner's cue. "Blue is where it's at."
Asuka could only manage a couple of German profanities in response, a weak return and she knew it. Bad enough she had to back down from these morons, but now they were picking on her Unit 02...and that just wasn't fair.
"What's with the four eyes anyway? If you can't see Asuka, be like me and get some freaking glasses," Kensuke quipped.
The laughter at her expense was becoming unbearable, but a quick check confirmed the two homeless girls were still there, and still looking quite perturbed.
"Imagine, glasses on an Eva," Touji snorted, "Oh please Mister Angel, don't chop off my head...I'm wearing glasses."
Asuka looked beaten, that was evident as she lowered her head, abhorring the fact she could do nothing. She was helpless and the two circled her like vultures as they continued to launch barrage after barrage into her, each insult piercing her ego like a Lance as her internal clock read 0:00:00.
"And while we're at it, stop bothering Shinji all the time."
Given the overwhelming success that was to forever be known as the Stooge Offensive, Touji decided to include the missing one in the victory. After all he deserved to enjoy the rewards of a conquered Asuka as well.
"What about Shinji?" Asuka meekly replied, never raising her head to betray her look of excitement. Perhaps the Third could again prove useful.
"You heard me! Shinji doesn't like the way you treat him. You are always mean to him, picking on him. So why don't you do us all a favor and go back to Russia!"
Kensuke shook his head as he whispered something in Touji's ear.
"I mean Germany!"
Normally Asuka would have jumped on this transgression in a furor, but given her precarious situation, she held her tongue. After all she was devising a far bigger scheme to punish those two.
"And Shinji told you this," she said with just the hint of pain in her voice.
Kensuke and Touji nodded their heads in agreement, looking like a pair of bobbin head dolls.
"I never knew he felt this way," she said as she turned away from the grinning duo. "Maybe you two are right."
After a few moments, Asuka finally turned to face them again, her eyes filled with sadness.
"Fine, if that's how he feels...well...I'll...I'll leave."
A stunned silence fell over the three as it appeared that Touji's greatest wish had come true. Asuka was going to leave Tokyo-3 and his life forever. Kensuke only smiled, his greatest wish involved certain members of Sailor Moon coming to live in his room, but he was none the less quite happy about this turn of events. Hikari was about to implore her to reconsider when Asuka continued.
"Of course he has to ask me himself. I don't trust either of you dorks."
"You're telling us that if Shinji asks you to go, you will?"
Asuka simply nodded and smiled.
"Where is he?" Moe and Larry spoke as one. If they hurried perhaps she could be gone by the end of the day.
"I think he's over there," Asuka replied as she pointed in the general direction of the pool.
With the subtly of a snowplow, Touji parted the sea of humanity as the others followed in his wake.
---------
"Yo Shinji," Touji called out as he spotted the Third Child leaning on the fence watching activity in the pool beyond.
"Hello," came Shinji's brief reply as he quickly looked over his shoulder to acknowledge his friend's arrival before again returning his gaze to the swimmers.
"Shinji today is your lucky day," Touji boasted. "Today the source of all your pain and suffering will be sent packing."
Seriously doubting that his father was leaving NERV or allowing him to leave, Shinji turned and faced the eldest Suzahara child.
"What are you talking about?"
"One word from you and shinzel puss over there will be gone."
"Shinzel puss?!?!"
Shinji watched as Asuka stepped out from behind his friend. "Yeah, the old red haired bitch...," Touji started before Asuka flashed the V sign and jammed her fingers into the boy's eyes causing him to crash face first into the chain link fence.
"Ahhh," he screamed as Kensuke rushed to his aid. "I'm blind."
"Just what are you looking at?" Asuka asked as she stepped over the fallen Suzahara and strained to see what captured Shinji's interest.
Shinji tried desperately to block the Second's view as he carefully leaned his body to the left and right, mirroring her every move.
The stalemate was short lived however, as Asuka succeeded in faking him out allowing her to assume his vantage point as he fell back against the fence and sighed at his own futility in stopping her.
"Figures," she grumbled, "checking out the girls' swim team. Pervert."
A nervous smile formed on Shinji's face as he jumped up off the fence. "Yes, that's right. I was checking out the swim team. Come on let's go." He reached out and grabbed at her hand in an effort to pull her away.
"Wait a minute," Asuka growled as she ripped her hand free from his grip, carefully avoiding his subsequent attempts to recapture it. "What's the hurry?"
She turned back to the pool and searched for the source of Shinji's anxiety. As much as she liked to vocalize it, she knew too well that he was no pervert. No, there had to be another reason for his actions.
That reason literally surfaced before her eyes as Rei Ayanami came up for air, flinging her familiar blue mop of hair out of her crimson eyes. Blue eyes tracked the pale girl as she dove back into the water, noticing how the target cut through the pool like an azure torpedo.
"Wondergirl," Asuka muttered through gnashing teeth, noting how her rival easily outpaced the other swimmers.
"Hey isn't that Rei?" Hikari offered as she caught sight of the object of Asuka's death stare.
"Y...yes," Shinji stammered, stepping over to stand next to the Class Rep.
"Since when did SHE join the swim team?" Asuka hissed.
Shinji hesitated before responding. Determining that Hikari provided an acceptable buffer between him and the soon to be irate German he spoke.
"Last week."
He regretted his decision as Asuka's burning glare soon bore down on him. With a deep swallow he tried to soothe his now dry throat.
"I...I told her to try out for the team and she...she...sort of made it."
"Now why would you go off and do something stupid like that?" Asuka protested.
"Well," he began, lowering his head as he was unable to hold Asuka's scowl any longer. "With the Angel attacks possibly finished and the training schedule reduced..." Shinji thought for a moment and then fired off his own glower, "for SOME of us."
He watched her flinch, the realization sinking in of exactly who caused the discrepancy. Satisfied that his point had been made, he continued.
"She was feeling lost without Eva, so I suggested doing something to help pass the time. Since she enjoyed swimming so much, it seemed like a natural choice."
Hikari glanced over to Asuka, who looked to be in a state of shock.
Shinji forged ahead, taking advantage of the unexpected silence. "Her coach has already named her the number one swimmer on the team. I wish she talked with teammates more, I mean she still keeps mostly to herself, but at least she is trying."
The confusion in Asuka was soon replaced by a growing anger as she listened to him gush about her rival pilot. She fought desperately to understand her feelings as she watched the ashen girl climb out of the pool and begin to towel off. Her thoughts were broken as the watch on her hand began to beep incessantly. Time enough later to figure all these developments out, she had a job to finish.
"Stooge One, Stooge Two! Get over here," she shouted, startling the two out of their skimpy swimsuit induced trances. "Don't you want to hear this?"
Touji nodded and grabbed Kensuke's arm, holding him in place as he whispered into the smaller boy's ear.
"We need to remember to come here every morning."
Kensuke nodded as he was already finished entering the reminder into his ever present Palm 2600X. "Way ahead of you," he said as he took one last glimpse of heaven as the last of the girls entered the locker room.
With a heartfelt sigh he slowly turned around, jumping back as he noticed that everyone was watching him. The disgusted looks he was receiving convinced him to change the subject...quickly.
"Ok devil," Touji said, remembering the true purpose of the excursion to find Shinji. "You may begin."
Kensuke held up his finger signaling her to wait as he fumbled with the Palm before dropping his finger and holding the device up to her chin.
"Remember this is being taped so you can't deny it later."
Asuka took a moment to glance down at her watch as she stepped forward to face Shinji.
"Your friends over there said that you don't want me around anymore. You want me to leave. Is that true?"
She reached out and took his hands into hers', moving quickly before Shinji had a chance to react.
"You don't want me to leave, do you?"
Shinji glanced down at their interlocked hands and slowly raised his gaze to take in her facial expression. He was shaking like a leaf, but she appeared so helpless and pleading, he found himself unable to look away as he became lost those sky blue eyes.
Touji sensed a bit of dirty play at hand as he cleared his throat loudly, first once, then twice. Unsuccessful at breaking the siren's spell, he resorted to brute force as he pushed Shinji's shoulder.
"Hello? Tell her to hit the road already will ya."
Shinji finally broke free of her gaze and blushed as he stared intently at his shoes, afraid he would be drawn in again if those eyes caught him. There he stood in bewilderment as he tried to figure out exactly what the hell was going on.
Asuka glared at the track-suited moron before she continued.
"Shinji please explain to them that you would never send me away. After all I am your girlfriend."
"GIRLFRIEND?!?!?" Touji, Kensuke and Hikari shouted in unison.
"Yes, his girlfriend," Asuka replied smugly as she continued her grip on his hands.
An eerie silence settled over the five as everyone awaited his response. For his part Shinji was still reviewing exactly what Asuka had just said. After all, what he thought he heard couldn't possibly be what he heard.
"But Asuka...you're not my gi..."
His words were halted as she placed a lone finger to his lips.
"Shhh," Asuka whispered. "Don't worry about it. I know we were going to keep it a secret, but these people are our friends."
Shinji's eyes moved from Asuka's smiling face to focus on the index finger which was still on his mouth. As he struggled to speak, he realized that she was pressing quite hard against him, the finger acting as a deadbolt to ensure his cooperation.
Asuka felt Shinji start to struggle as she continued to apply pressure. "It's alright," she said as her smile was replaced with a frown. "There's no need to get all upset, they were bound to find out sooner or later."
She took her eyes off him for a moment to glance at her watch which was conveniently located on the same arm which was currently holding the boy in place. "Come on..." she muttered as she noted the time, "it should have rang already."
Her gaze quickly returned to Shinji as his movements were becoming more desperate to free himself. Finally his violent maneuvering paid off as he broke free.
"But...I'm...not..." Shinji began before Asuka was able to stop him again, this time electing to place her entire hand over his mouth.
"Shinji," she said as she worked her way behind him, seeking to gain the necessary leverage to firmly hold him in place. Satisfied that he was trapped, she turned and whispered into his ear, "relax, Shinji dear, you shouldn't get so worked up."
Asuka turned to the stunned trio. "You will have to excuse Shinji, he's a little upset that I told our little secret." A wry grin grew on her face as she focused directly on Touji and Kensuke. "He knew how much this would upset you two, that's why he tried to keep it a secret."
Shinji screamed helplessly into Asuka's hand, his words of denial being absorbed and converted into meaningless mumbles. Soon he was forced to give up, his oxygen supply rapidly depleting as she continued her grip.
The three other children could only stand and watch in awe as Asuka continued to smile and Shinji began to turn blue. Suddenly the bell rang in the background, calling the students in for another day of education. Taking her cue, Asuka began pulling the dazed and confused pilot backwards toward the school, still holding her hand tightly over his mouth.
"Come on darling," she said, distinctly struggling with the last word. "We don't want to be late for class."
Hikari, Touji and Kensuke watched as Asuka dragged the now limp Shinji towards the school before each looked at one another in shock and started off running after the retreating couple.
---------
Asuka quickly took her seat after depositing the still unresponsive Shinji in his. Quickly opening her laptop, she glanced over the monitor to catch the arrival of the Stooges and the class representative. All were looking quite pale and disheveled as Touji and Kensuke reluctantly made their way to their seats, leaving the dumbfounded Hikari standing in front of the class.
"Ehem," the elderly sensei cleared his throat in an effort to solicit some response from his class representative.
"Sorry sensei...," Hikari began all the while staring at her best friend. "Um...sit...bow...rise. I mean rise...sit...bow. I mean..."
The entire room with the exception of six students erupted in laughter as the deep crimson blush on her face signaled that she also realized her mistake.
"Thank you Miss Horaki," the sensei said as Hikari stumbled into her seat. "Today we will be discussing the Second Impact and it's effects on the global markets."
A collective groan permeated the room as the teacher began drawing supply and demand curves on the board.
Shinji sunk down in his chair as he struggled to understand the events of the morning. He couldn't figure out what his roommate was up to, but he had the distinct feeling that they weren't going out. At least not in the traditional sense.
Then again, nothing Asuka ever did was traditional.
He opened his laptop and logged in. Though he rarely paid much attention to the lectures, he at least looked like he was interested. As the mail program started Shinji groaned as his Inbox had twenty five, now twenty six, then twenty seven new messages. He watched as the counter increased by one, each increment corresponding to the audible click of Kensuke's or Touji's ENTER button. The sheer volume of email should have required all morning for Shinji to read them, but he knew he would only have to read one. After all, they all had the same subject line...
'You Traitor!'
---------
Finally finished with deleting all the messages from his computer, except one, Shinji glanced over his laptop at its originator. The Second Child continued to type away, seeming to take diligent notes as the sensei droned along in the background. Deciding that she was not going to acknowledge his stare, he glimpsed back down at that lone remaining message as it read on his screen like an epitaph.
'Do nothing, say nothing until I explain. Even an idiot like you should be capable of following these simple instructions.'
Shinji thought for a moment, visions of that mornings' events still fresh in his mind. He didn't know what Asuka was up to but he also knew he needed to get word to his friends that they weren't going out. He thought about her warning as he typed a brief message explaining in no uncertain terms that he and Asuka were not a couple. Satisfied with the content he stole a quick glimpse at the Second Child. She was intently watching her display, perhaps engaged in an online chat with Hikari.
Hesitating for a moment as his finger hung over the ENTER button, he deliberated sending the disclosure and the possible repercussions dealt out by Asuka. More than a few heartbeats later, a dull 'click' registered in his ears as he pressed the button.
Asuka would be upset but she brought this on herself. She obviously had some master plan in mind, but this time she was on her own. After all, these were his best friends and they needed to know the truth. He and Asuka were not going out. At least he thought they weren't going out. They were PRETENDING to be going out, but that was only for Misato's benefit, wasn't it? Everything was starting to make less and less sense as the first reply email arrived to his Inbox.
A smile formed on his face as he maneuvered the cursor to open the message. Probably from Kensuke, he pondered, after all he typed faster then Touji.
Double clicking the communication, Shinji's eyes naturally gravitated to the portion of the screen that would momentarily display the words of praise and encouragement from his friend for heading off another plot from the 'red menace'.
His smile faded as his eyes scanned back and forth reading and rereading the message. The look of fear on his face was becoming evident as he stole another peek at Asuka, she still typing away. Though her back was to him, he knew she was smiling as he lowered his head and returned to the lone message on his screen.
'I knew you were too stupid to follow instructions so I took the precaution of diverting all your email to my computer. That dork Aida isn't the only one who knows how to reconfigure the LAN system.'
Shinji sighed and clicked on the DELETE button, anxious to remove her mocking edict. Yet the message didn't disappear, rather it duplicated. Clicking furiously he soon filled his entire display before he finally gave up. His only method of electronic communication cut off, he started the word processing program determined to print out the message and have it hand delivered in the event that Asuka's wrath proved to be fatal.
Clenching his hands into fists he pounded them into the keyboard, producing an unintelligible collection of letters and numbers. It seems that not only had she intercepted his mail, but she had also reconfigured his computer to only type in German, and in a bright red font.
Shinji could swear he heard her familiar chuckle, but he didn't bother to look up. He was too busy watching the little movie she had uploaded to his system. He felt himself cringe as the Third Angel drove its pile driver into Unit 01's head, cracking the armor and sending it flying backwards.
Glancing back over his shoulder, he hoped that one or both might be looking in his direction. If he could get their attention, he could whisper the message. Asuka's genius could do nothing to stop such a low-tech form of communication. Waving his hands and fidgeting in his chair, Shinji tried every known method of attracting attention. Yet Touji and Kensuke just sat staring into their respective monitors, oblivious to any outside stimulation.
Deciding the task was hopeless, Shinji turned around just in time to watch as the Fifth Angel's particle beam blasted a huge chunk out of Unit 01's chest plate. He groaned and laid his head down onto his crossed hands and shut his eyes in defeat.
The red haired girl in the front of the class missed his surrender as she busily typed commands into her laptop. With a click she smiled as she sent off another file.
'Misato in the shower, file #2'
---------
The entire class turned and watched as Asuka enthusiastically extended the antenna on her cell phone. They collectively held their breath as everyone had been through this experience before. A NERV cell phone ringing in class meant only one thing, Angel attack.
"Hello," Asuka said after silencing the constant ringing with the press of a button. "Yes Misato...I understand. Right away." She shifted the phone to her other ear and held it in place with her shoulder as she gathered up her belongings with her now free hands.
"Grab Shinji and get right over. I understand...we are on the way."
She pressed the END button and looked up to see everyone's panic stricken eyes staring at her every move. Standing up she turned and called to her fellow pilot.
"Come on Shinji, we have to go."
A look of fear swept across his face. "I...is it an Angel?"
Asuka cocked her head and looked at him quizzically, watching him tremble as a mixture of fear and adrenaline fueled his movement. A long pause followed as he and the rest of the class hung on her every action, awaiting those dreaded words.
"Oh," Asuka gasped as she finally registered the need to reply. "Yes it's an Angel attack. Now let's go."
Not content to wait for him, she sprang up and marched over to his desk, yanking him up in one fluid motion.
"Would you please hurry...fate of the world and all that stuff," Asuka huffed as she violently pulled him down the aisle by his hand.
Reaching the front of the class she started to turn toward the door when she caught something unexpected out of the corner of her eye. The visage of Rei Ayanami was standing at her desk and collecting her belongings.
"That's okay Wondergirl, Misato only needs me and Shinji. You stay here."
Rei gazed over at the girl and blinked. "I have been given orders in the event of an Angel attack," she said softly. "My place is with Eva."
"You would think so, but Misato told me to tell you to stay here." Asuka watched as Rei continued her preparations to leave. "She said she didn't need any decoys or human shields but if she did, she knew who to call."
Kensuke let out a short chuckle as Rei continued undaunted. She finally looked up and caught sight of the obviously shaken Shinji as Asuka resumed her tugging on his arm attempting to get him out the door.
Rei stared into the frightened boy's eyes. "I will go with you."
Asuka turned a bit pale as the First Child walked up behind them, intent on following the Second and Third out the door.
She stopped pulling on Shinji and turned to face her rival. "Rei," she reluctantly said, finding the word difficult to pronounce. "Misato thinks it's the Seventh Angel again. She doesn't want you there, she only needs Shinji and I because of our sync training."
"No, not the Seventh again," Shinji wailed. "I don't remember the moves, I don't remember what to do!"
Asuka ignored his insane ramblings as she slid the class door open. "See, you're not needed," she reiterated and turned to Rei with a smile. "Of course if you want to disobey a direct order from Commander Ikari, don't accuse me of not warning you."
Pushing Shinji through the doorway Asuka followed as Rei stood in silent contemplation, her only movement the turning of her head as she strained for one last glimpse of the boy as Asuka quickly slid the door shut behind her.
---------
Running down the hallway Asuka pulled Shinji out the front door and into the courtyard without uttering a word. Confident that they were now far enough away from the classroom, she finally stopped and hunched over to catch her breath.
"Backflip, backflip, jump, turn, kick...or is it backflip, kick, backflip, turn?"
"Idiot, what the hell are you talking about?"
Standing again she watched as Shinji moved about the area, sliding and kicking about like an actor in a cheap kung fu movie.
"Jump, kick, dodge, turn, spin," he mumbled as his body acted out each movement.
The corners of her mouth upturned as she watched him prance around in mock battle. It was all she could do not to burst out in laughter.
"What are you, stupid?"
Shinji opened his eyes and ran over to her, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her violently.
"How can you be so calm? Don't you understand? I forgot the moves. I can't remember what to do! Please Asuka you have to help me...PLEASE!"
The color left his face as he started to tremble again facing the distinct possibility he had seen his last sunrise.
Asuka thought about letting him suffer a little longer for his early transgression with Rei at the pool but since his participation was integral to her plans, she decided to tell him the truth.
"Moron you can relax. There's no Angel attack. I made it up."
Slowly her words sunk in and his appearance changed from one of fear to one of rage.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" he yelled throwing his arms up in desperation. "You scared me half to death, never mind panicking the entire class."
Asuka crossed her arms and turned away at his outburst. "It's your fault."
"My fault?" he screamed, "how's this my fault?"
She spun around and jabbed a finger into his chest. "You couldn't keep your big mouth shut, that's why."
"What are you talking about?" he said his tone much calmer then his previous outbursts.
"I specifically told you not to say anything to those idiot friends of yours until I had a chance to explain. YOU can't follow simple instructions so I had to fake the Angel attack."
"This was so you could talk to me about this morning?"
Asuka nodded as Shinji continued. "I guess it's too late now. What is going on?"
"I want you to go out with me."
Again Shinji turned pale and began to tremble although no Angel alarms could be heard. "G...go out with you?" he stammered.
"Yes. Go out with me."
She paused and waited for any response from the boy. For the next few moments she received nothing other then a petrified stare.
"Not for real of course...just so I can teach your imbecile friends not to mess with me."
Shinji reviewed her words as he broke from the trance that her initial question threw him into.
"I won't do it," he objected. "I'm not going to PRETEND to go out with you."
"Why not?" she asked incredulously.
"Why not?!?! I can't believe you have to even ask. These are my FRIENDS we are talking about, the only ones I ever had. This isn't like the game you are playing with Misato. I can't do this. What if they never speak to me again?"
A sly grin appeared on Asuka's face as she realized that was yet another potential benefit. Now she HAD to get Shinji to go along with the plan.
"Those idiots will forgive you," she said, "think of this as the ultimate practical joke."
Shinji shook his head. "No, I'm not going to take that chance. What's in it for me? What benefit can your stupid plan have other then upsetting my friends?"
"There's plenty in it for you."
"Like what?"
"You can put those two morons in their place," she bellowed.
"No," he replied while shaking his head quickly. "I like Touji and Kensuke. Try again."
Asuka desperately searched for an answer. After a minute Shinji turned and began walking back towards the school. Reluctantly she called out the response that she had hoped to avoid.
"Well, it will help you with the girls."
That last word seemed to pique his interest as he stopped in his tracks.
"What?" Shinji said, turning around. "How is this supposed to help me with girls?"
"Easy, most girls wouldn't give you the time of day, I mean you are a dork and all. Trust me on this, a lot of them have told me what a loser you are and how they wouldn't be caught dead with you. But once they see you are going out with me, they'll start to take notice of you. Girls will become attracted to guys they wouldn't think twice about because they figure there has to be something about them to make them worthy of boyfriend material. Soon they are fighting for the privilege of being your next girlfriend. Do you see my point?"
Shinji thought for a moment before responding. "So you're telling me that the easiest way to get a girl to take an interest in me is to go out with someone else?"
Asuka nodded and silently prayed that he understood the convoluted principles of adolescent relationships. Not that she understood them either, but she HAD to know more then him.
"I guess it makes sense," he said while scratching his head and eliciting a sigh of relief from the redhead.
"I'll do it," he proclaimed after some thought, "but you have to agree to something first."
"No way," she instinctively replied as she shook her head in defiance.
"Fine," he whispered and started walking back toward the school.
Watching him walk away Asuka clenched her hands into fists.
"Okay, fine. What do you want?" she relented.
Shinji stopped as a hint of a smirk appeared on his face. "You have to be nice to Rei," he said without turning around.
"Wondergirl!" Asuka screamed, "you're crazy if you think I'm going to act nice to that damn doll."
"She is not a doll...and either you treat her better or the whole deal is off."
Asuka stared at the back of Shinji's head wondering what her fellow pilot saw in the First anyway.
"Fine," she eventually mumbled after determining he wasn't bluffing.
"What?" Shinji asked, "I can't hear you."
"I said 'fine'. For this amount of effort on my part you had better make a convincing boyfriend."
"I will," he replied as he turned around to face her again. "We should get back to class."
Shinji held out his hand for her as she approached, but Asuka turned her head away and walked right past him.
"We are only pretending to go out. Don't do all that crap unless someone else is around, got it?"
Shinji smiled and mock saluted. "Yes ma'am."
---------
"I'm going to puke if you two don't stop hanging all over one another," Kensuke clamored as Asuka lay in Shinji's lap. Unfortunately for him, his complaints had been ignored throughout lunch.
"As the class rep can't you do something about this?" Touji said as he paced back and forth. "Isn't there some school bylaw or something against this sort of deplorable behavior?"
Hikari shook her head. "No, not as long as their clothes stay on and it doesn't interrupt anyone's studies."
She blushed a bit as she switched to a much less formal tone. "Don't you think it's romantic Touji? Two souls finding one another."
Hikari blinked adoringly at him, but Touji didn't notice as his full intellectual capacity was focused on the problem at hand. A particular red haired problem.
"You said you can stop them if it disrupts someone's studies, right?" he said as a revelation overcame him.
Hikari frowned in dismay at Touji's obvious failure to acknowledge her not so subtle hint. "Yes," she muttered indignantly, "that's what the rules say."
"Fine then I would like to lodge a FORMAL complaint that I can't study because of the horrible mental images of these two...sicko's."
Touji crossed his arms in triumph and nodded as Kensuke started typing a formal letter of protest on his Palm 2600X.
"Shut up moron," Asuka yelled as she jumped up from Shinji's lap to stare her nemesis in the eyes. "You can't study because you are an idiot."
"What did you say?" he returned.
"You heard me. You are as smart as a pile of rocks. The only mental images you are capable of involve sex acts with animated characters."
"You take that back, uber bitch!"
Asuka pointed an accusing finger at Touji. "You're nothing but a pervert. Don't think I don't know about you and the Grandmaster of Hentai over there with your collection of greatest hits."
For his part Kensuke silently wondered how Asuka knew his JOL screen name and made a note on his Palm to change it immediately.
"You think you are so high and mighty because you're an Eva pilot. But I bet if I became a pilot I could whip you and your Unit 02," Touji bellowed continuing the assault.
"In your dreams, dork. NERV would never let a moron like you pilot. Hell, you would make Wondergirl look like a good pilot." Asuka cringed as she realized she broke her earlier promise to Shinji. Hearing no protest she continued on. "The only reason you would become a pilot is if they needed some idiot to sit in the cockpit as cannon fodder."
Touji grew tired of her constant putdowns. He had seen Shinji pilot and although the mental stress seemed quite high, he would endure anything to shut the girl up.
"I'd give an arm and a leg for the chance to fight you in an Eva. I bet I'd knock you out before you even had a chance to move."
"Please," Asuka snickered, "any dummy could plug your sorry ass."
Hikari finally felt the need to step in as the tension was reaching critical mass.
"Stop it you two!" she said as she put herself physically between the two. Noticing no reduction in the hostilities she called for help. "Shinji, would you please give me a hand here?!"
The class rep looked down at the Third Child's previous location only to find he had disappeared during the commotion.
"Shinji?"
Something in Hikari's tone caused Asuka to break off her attack and respond to her friend.
"What's the matter?" she asked as she turned to look for her faux lover. "Where did he go?"
Immediately four sets of eyes were rapidly scanning the schoolyard for any sign of the missing pilot.
"There his is," Hikari exclaimed as she pointed toward a distant pair sitting under a cherry tree. "He's with...Rei."
She instantly regretted finding the poor boy and worse still pointing out his current companion as her friend's face contorted into the most vile of expressions. Of course not everyone was as upset at this turn of events.
"Way to go Shinji," Touji yelled as he high fived an equally exuberant Kensuke. "Looks like our boy is trading up."
"Hey Asuka," the smaller boy cried out as he adjusted his glasses. "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population...YOU!"
The Stooges engaged in a hearty laugh at their comments as Hikari moved in to console her friend during this time of need.
That comfort soon turned to triage for the unfortunate victims in Asuka's path as she stormed off, tossing people aside like a crimson tornado heading toward the unsuspecting pair.
---------
"Hi Rei."
"Hello Ikari."
Shinji glanced down unable to look at his teammate as he struggled to determine what he wanted to tell her.
"Sorry about this morning. You probably know by now there wasn't an Angel attack."
Rei nodded her head slightly. "I do not understand the purpose of Pilot Sohryu's deception."
Shinji finally summoned the courage to look her in the eyes. "Well Asuka gets these crazy schemes sometimes and she needed to speak with me about her latest one...she didn't mean anything personal by it."
Rei turned away and ate a small portion of her lunch as Shinji debated whether or not the conversation was over. Just as he stood up and prepared to leave, Rei surprised him by speaking.
"What is the nature of Sohryu's plan?"
"Well," he started before clearing his throat as it had suddenly become quite dry. "It seems she wants to get revenge on anyone who has wronged her in one way or another."
"That would be an extensive list," Rei said matter of factly.
"Yes, that's true," Shinji chuckled at her unintentional quip. "Anyway to execute her plan we are going to pretend to go out."
"Go out?" she asked, blinking through her obvious confusion.
"You know...go out."
Shinji's elaborate explanation did nothing to ease her bewilderment with the concept. She simply continued to stare at him awaiting further information.
"It's when a guy and a girl decide they would like to move their relationship past the friendship stage and become...well...romantically involved."
Shinji hoped that he wouldn't be required to expound further because he probably couldn't. Luckily for him, Rei seemed to either grasp the concept or decide she didn't really care.
"I do not comprehend why Sohryu would chose to falsify her feelings and actions," she whispered as her ruby eyes bore down on his deep blue ones in search of an answer. "Is this not confusing? "
"For as long as I have known Asuka, most of the things she has done have been confusing to me. I guess I'm used to it."
Rei continued to stare intently at him as he paused, catching sight of the approaching scarlet whirlwind as it scattered bodies to the left and right.
Looking back with a smile he finished his train of thought.
"But I think that something good will come out of this."
---------
"Have I told you what an idiot you are for that move today at lunch?" Asuka shouted breaking the calm in the living room.
"Yes," Shinji groaned as he glanced up from his homework. After all she had already yelled at him at lunch, during the walk to NERV after school, during sync testing, during the entire walk home and during dinner. He searched hard to find an available instance when she didn't yell at him for his 'betrayal.'
"I told you already, I didn't want to watch you fight with my friends so I walked away. I ran into Rei completely by accident."
Asuka marched over and glared down at him.
"I'll believe you this time," she said, deciding he was too spineless to lie to her. "But don't let it happen again. Stop talking to that freak. She's weird."
Shinji jumped up forcing Asuka to back up as he stood inches from her face.
"First off," he yelled pointing an accusing finger at her, "you agreed to be nice to Rei. And second, there was never any agreement that I couldn't talk to her. She is my friend and as long as it doesn't interfere with your plans then I will talk to her anytime I want."
Shinji crossed his arms as a contented smile formed on his lips.
Any further argument was curtailed as the sound of the door opening signaled the arrival of Major Katsuragi. In a rush Asuka pushed Shinji to the couch as she listened to the approach of the NERV Operations Director. Jumping on top of the Unit 01 pilot, she quickly pulled him in tight as Misato poked her head into the room.
"Hello?...oh shit," she cried catching the sight of the two intertwined teens on the couch.
She had convinced herself yesterday was a nightmare. Nothing more than an alcohol and stress induced figment of her imagination. After all the notion of Shinji and Asuka was almost as ridiculous as her and Shinji. Though her lonely heart was sometimes...
"What the hell is going on here?" she yelled mentally slapping herself for her thoughts.
"Hi Misato. I didn't hear you come in," Asuka said as she picked up her head from Shinji's chest. "I was too busy staring into my baby's blue eyes. I could lose myself in there you know."
She leaned forward and planted a little kiss on his lips as he lay trembling beneath her.
"This is not happening," Misato screamed as she retreated to the kitchen to start on a Yebisu influenced coma.
-------
Dropping another empty beer can into the garbage she continued to speak to herself, finding some comfort in the sound of someone's voice, even her own.
"A dream, that's it. I'm dreaming."
A smile appeared as she reached the conclusion everything was the result of some extended slumber.
"All I need is to wake up and everything will be back to normal again."
Misato walked back into the living room and watched as Asuka nuzzled up close to her man, whispering quietly yet somehow loud enough for the Major to hear.
"I don't care what happens as long as I'm here with you," Asuka said. After pausing for a moment she remembered a line from an old movie she suffered through with Misato. "You complete me."
The Major fought the urge to throw up. "Somebody please pinch me so I can wake up from this nightmare."
Pen Pen, who up to this point had been quietly observing the situation from the safety of his pillow, took Misato up on the invitation. Rushing across the room, his beak open in anticipation of delivering one massive pinch to his unsuspecting master's calf. Just as he reached his goal, the Major spun around and picked him up, even against his squawking disapproval.
"I know Pen Pen, we live in a loony bin. But Mommy loves you."
Her comments finished, Misato pinched the penguin's cheek sending instant throbs of excruciating pain throughout his face.
Like human grandchildren, warm weather penguins hate to be pinched in the cheeks.
That fact was lost on the older woman as she placed the now furious bird back on the floor. The burning pain in his cheeks caused his eyes to well up in tears that soon obliterated his eyesight. Determined to escape from the evil woman's clutches before something worse happened, Pen Pen ran blindly around the room until his advance was halted by the wall. Slowly falling backward, he relished the fact that the pain in his cheeks was gone, replaced by the comfort that only a concussion induced nap could bring...
"Guess he's tired," Misato shrugged as she watched Pen Pen lying on his back, the only motion an occasional twitching of his skyward pointing webbed feet.
"You two can stop these games."
Shinji and Asuka both moved their gaze away from the unconscious fowl and turned it to their guardian. She was standing over them, her hands squarely placed on her hips and she looking quite irate.
"Games?" Asuka muttered.
"Yes games, Asuka. I don't know what you two are doing, but it needs to stop right now."
"For your information Misato," Asuka said confidently, "Shinji and I are very much in love."
She let that comment resonate about the room for a few moments. The use of the word 'love' was not only enough to stymie Misato's advance, it scared her quite a bit too.
The momentum of the battle now squarely in her favor, Asuka took the offensive.
"What's the matter Misato...jealous?"
"Jealous?" the older woman said indignantly. "Why should I be jealous of you?"
"Oh I don't know," Asuka smiled, "maybe the fact I have Shinji and you have...well...nobody."
"Shinji," Misato begged, her pained expression evidence of Asuka's stinging remark. "Are you in love with Asuka?"
Misato's plight was not going unnoticed by the Third. Her eyes silently pleaded with him to help her, to provide some comfort for her pain.
Asuka watched as her guardian's gaze bore down on Shinji, every passing moment bringing him closer to the point when he would give in and ruin all her plans.
She slowly slid forward, effectively positioning her ample bosom within inches of a suddenly very excited boy.
Shinji's gaze slowly shifted away from Misato and down to Asuka as she continued to reposition herself upon him. Quickly his eyes locked on the pair of breasts tantalizingly close to him.
Watching the shameless spectacle before her, Misato sighed as she realized that the chances of receiving anything remotely intelligent out of the boy were finished. That fact combined with Asuka's smug victory grin was too much to bear as she called for a full retreat.
"Fine!" Misato bellowed as she gathered up the shattered remnants of her pride. "I'll leave you two...lovebirds...alone."
She turned and quickly left the room, ignoring Asuka's final volley.
"Oh, don't go away angry. Just go away."
Watching as Misato disappeared from sight, Asuka looked down at the still mesmerized boy. She gazed at him for a moment wondering why he seemed so happy. Then it hit her, and she hit him.
"Pervert," she yelled as she quickly sat up and covered herself while sliding to the opposite end of the couch. "Get off of me!"
"Get off of you?" he protested as he sat up. "YOU were on top of me!"
"I'm not going into specifics with a jerk like you."
"Ouch," he said as he attempted to rub some feeling back into his cheek. "What did you do that for?"
"Because you were trying to look down my shirt!"
"You stuck them out there. What did you expect?"
Asuka turned away so Shinji could not see her blush. "You didn't see anything, did you?"
"Who me?" he replied innocently. "I didn't see anything."
Shinji smiled as he remembered what he did see, not everything but enough to make his dreams quite interesting for the next few nights...
---------
Misato fell into her chair as she opened another beer. She had decided to battle pull tops and hangovers instead of her Children. After all, Asuka was right, she was jealous. Quickly guzzling she hoped this one would provide the relief she desperately wanted. She wasn't getting any younger and Kaji didn't seem to take their relationship seriously. It seemed too late to start with someone new, especially given the amount of time and effort required. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she wished for just once in her life that she could be the happy one.
To Be Continued...
Next Chapter: "Misato's Counterattack"
Ok, I did it again. Another mammoth chapter. Sorry about that, I was going to combine this chapter and the next and cut them into 3 chapters but I really wanted to get Rei into the picture and didn't want to put it off another chapter. After all she is very important to the plot. Now that everything is in place, I will move forward somewhat quicker as all the plot pieces have been set on the table. In case anyone forgot, the two girls are the same two from chapter 2 that cut Asuka in line. As part of the R3 project that Rhine, Random and myself are doing, I will be doing a chapter of this fic every 3rd week, so be sure to look for the next chapter. Specifics for the R3 project can be found at www.geocities.com/random1377/TheRpage.html Thanks to Random, Rhine and 20eva for prereading and C&C is welcome at jelamoureux@home.com and so without further ado here is:
******************* OMAKE THEATER *******************
Ryoma: Hello everybody and welcome to the chapter 3 Omake Theater. We have a really great show for you so lets... Who are you?
Dark Stranger: I'm Dark Ryoma and I'll be doing the omake theater tonight.
Ryoma: Dark Ryoma huh? I wasn't expecting you.
Dark Ryoma: No one ever expects Dark Ryoma! Now time is wasting let's get on to the omake.
Ryoma: Well I did have some stuff written, but you seem ok, if a bit...well...dark. Go ahead, what can it hurt?
Dark Ryoma: Thanks, now get off my stage. All right listen up, in the event that this omake makes you ill, barf bags are in the seat back in front of you. Roll the damn film!
*curtain rises*
"Wondergirl," Asuka murmured through her gnashing teeth.
She silently watched as the blue haired beauty split the water like an azure torpedo. Darting back and forth across the pool, she swam in a frantic pace, her technique quite unconventional as she splashed around.
"Hey is that Rei?" Hikari offered as she caught sight of the object of Asuka's death stare.
"Y...yes," Shinji stammered, stepping over to stand next to the Class Rep. "But what the hell is that chasing her?"
The three children all crowded around the fence, straining to see exactly what he was talking about.
Rei glanced back and noticed the unmistakable image behind her. The large gray triangle cut the water like a knife, rapidly closing the gap between it and her.
"What is it?" Hikari screamed as Shinji fought to climb the fence. "Swim Rei! Damn it swim!"
"Carcharodon carcharias," Asuka said nonchalantly. "A Great White shark. An eating machine."
"A WHAT?" Shinji cried as he fell to the ground. "Do something Asuka!"
"Too late now...look," she said pointing to the pool.
Shinji stood and watched as Rei thrashed about, trapped in the gnashing jaws of the beast.
Struggling to free herself she pounded on the animals head even as it slowly gulped her down whole.
Soon engulfed up to her waist she threw her head back as the blood exploded from her mouth, forced out by the sheer..."
*curtain falls*
Ryoma: Hey what are you doing?
Dark Ryoma: I'm telling my story here...why did you stop it, we were just getting to the good part.
Ryoma: Good part? You were horribly killing a beloved character in a mean and overly nasty way. Not to mention quite unbelievable too.
Dark Ryoma: Killing off characters is one of my favorite things in fanfics. And the more gruesome the better.
Ryoma: I'm not sure you're cut out for omake. Perhaps I should take over.
Dark Ryoma: No, I got it now. You want something FUNNY. Cool I can dig that.
*curtain rises*
"I don't care what happens as long as I'm here with you. You complete me."
Misato fought the urge to throw up. "Somebody please pinch me so I can wake up from this nightmare."
Pen Pen, who up to this point had been quietly observing the situation from the safety of his pillow, took Misato up on the invitation. Rushing across the room, his beak open in anticipation of delivering one massive pinch to his unsuspecting master's calf. Just before he reached his target the floor shook and began to buckle beneath him.
"What's happening?" Misato screamed as she fell over backwards.
Looking up she saw a flash of black and white protrude through the now open living room floor.
"What the hell?" she muttered as Asuka and Shinji ran over to get a better vantage point for the action.
"Pen Pen!" Misato screamed finally catching sight of the little penguin as it was thrashed about in the jaws of the creature.
"Mein Gott in Himmel!" Asuka yelled as she pointed to the monster. "Free Willy has got Pen Pen!"
The orca whipped the defenseless bird about, not unlike the images seen on nature specials, as he struggled to free himself.
"FREE WILLY?" Shinji cried as he fell to the ground. "Do something Asuka!"
"Too late now...look," she said pointing to the animal.
The three humans could only watch helplessly as the star of two Disney movies tossed the bird high in the air, opening his jaws wide to accept the falling morsel.
"WWWWAAAARRRrrkkkkk!!"
This was the last thing ever heard from Pen Pen as the killer whale closed his mouth and slowly sank below the floor to the depths of the apartment complex.
*curtain falls*
Dark Ryoma: Thank you, thank you.
Ryoma: Wonderful...do you realize what this is going to cost me? Never mind the cleaning bill, think about the years of therapy these traumatized kids are going to require.
Dark Ryoma: Therapy for what? I loved that scene. I love scenes like that. I was RAISED on scenes like that. I'm fine.
Ryoma: I think you miss the point of omake theater. It's supposed to be something funny based on the previous chapter. The key word is FUNNY, not DEPRESSING.
Dark Ryoma: Funny eh? Never tried funny before, seems pointless. I'm not cut out for this, I'm going home and put my Death / Rebirth and End Of Evangelion DVD on continuous loop and watch it for 24 hours straight. Man, I love that ending !
Ryoma: I thought you would. Sorry for the crappy omake but I was pressed for material this chapter. Good night everybody. Dark Ryoma, wave to the crowd.
Dark Ryoma: I feel sick...
A division of Nergal Heavy Industries proudly presents:
The Best Laid Plans
Chapter Three "Collateral Damage"
by Ryoma
Disclaimer: Characters from Neon Genesis Evangelion have been used without permission. All characters contained in this work are copyright GAINAX, Project EVA, Movic, AD Vision and Manga Entertainment.
"Hey Asuka wait up!" Hikari called upon seeing her best friend walk through the crowded courtyard. The morning sun shone through a few scattered clouds overhead as all across the man made fortress city of Tokyo-3 children trudged into school.
And Evangelion Children were no exception...
"Hey Hikari. How are you this morning?"
"No complaints I guess...Good morning Shinji," she said with a shy grin as she finally noticed Asuka's companion.
"Good morning," the Unit 01 pilot returned with a slight nod.
"Goodbye Shinji," Asuka interjected wiping the smile off his face.
"Huh? What?" came his bewildered reply.
"I said goodbye," she grumbled, placing her hands on her hips to demonstrate her impatience. "You know, girl talk...stuff like that." Convinced that despite her best efforts at diplomacy, Shinji was still missing the point, Asuka used a more direct approach.
"Go!" she shouted while pushing him away.
"Fine," he grumbled after taking a step back to steady himself.
Stretching his neck in an effort to look over the crowd of students, he scanned left and right in a valiant search for his friends. Undaunted in his first attempt, he repeated his survey, making careful note of each face he spied, to ensure that he did not miss them.
"SHINJI!" Asuka screamed causing the boy to jump. "They're probably over peeping at the swim team."
A smile came over Shinji's face as he dove into the mob and took off in the direction of the pool.
"Pervert," Asuka mumbled as she watched him disappear out the corner of her eye.
"So...," Hikari started anxious to return to the conversation, "what's the story between you two anyway?"
Asuka cocked her head a bit as she scowled at her friend. "Story?" she returned, her voice filled with annoyance.
"Yes. Are you and Shinji going out?"
Asuka's face went completely blank as she tried to respond, however Hikari didn't give her the opportunity. One thing the brown haired girl knew from the many months they had spent together, if you wanted to say something to the Second Child, you needed to speak when the chance presented itself, regardless of proper etiquette.
"Because if you are going out it would be so great. I mean two Eva pilots falling in love and becoming a couple. It's the kind of stuff you read about in those cheesy love stories everyone loves."
Hikari paused to catch her breath as Asuka raised her hands in silent denial of her friend's question. After all, they were definitely NOT going out.
"Hika..." was all Asuka could get out before again the class rep spoke over her, determined to finish saying her peace.
"Of course if you were going out you two would instantly jump to the top of the class couple list, knocking off Yurika and her little boy toy Akito."
Asuka shook her head, hoping somehow to stop Hikari from further embarrassing herself. Though the thought of moving to the top of the class couple list presented more then a passing interest.
"Plus Shinji's cute and all the girls want him," the class rep rambled on. "After all he is famous for fighting the Angels and he's..."
This comment seemed to pique her interest even more then the couple statement as Asuka decided at last to assert some authority over her friend.
"Wait...wait...WAIT A MINUTE!" she screamed finally ceasing the class rep's monologue. "What do you mean all the girls want him?"
"I thought you knew," Hikari said after catching her breath. She turned to face her friend. "A lot of the girls in class have asked me about him. Asking if you two were going out. What kind of guy he is. Stuff like that."
"Girls in our class were asking about Shinji? Shinji Ikari? The same moron who I have been stuck living with for the past year?"
Hikari frowned as she heard Asuka's words. "I'm sorry," she whispered, "I saw you two at the mall last night and just assumed..."
"Assumed what?"
Touji's deep voice carried over the din around them as he approached. "Assumed what?" he reiterated, "that the devil here has a heart. No way."
Asuka turned and leered at the boy. "Look Hikari the lower half of the Bell curve is here. I hope we have a quiz."
Hikari instinctively stepped between the two glaring teenagers, assuming her usual role as peacekeeper.
"Now Touji, Asuka and I were having a private conversation and you shouldn't have interrupted." The tone in her voice undermined her words as she blinked adoringly at the track-suited boy.
"I'm sorry," he apologized, soliciting a blush from Hikari's cheeks before he turned to face his mortal enemy. "But you know how she brings out the worst in me."
"I bring out the worst in you?" Asuka screamed raising her personal AT field. "YOU bring out the worst in me. You and your moronic friends."
"Hey," Touji said as he inched closer, Asuka mirroring his movement. Hikari found herself the meat in a Sohryu and Suzahara sandwich.
"You take that back!"
"You're right, I take that back." Asuka said narrowing her eyes, a smug grin now on her face. "You and your friends are morons AND perverted."
"ENOUGH!" Hikari bellowed, showing surprising strength for a girl her size as she pushed the two apart. "Both of you stop it."
The combatants each grumbled and turned away leaving Hikari alone in the center. "Good, you two need to get along."
"Who needs to get along?" Kensuke said as he arrived on the scene, his peddling of pictures finished for the day.
Touji felt bolstered by the arrival of reinforcements and acted accordingly. "She's is talking about me and the red haired bitc..."
"TOUJI!" Hikari screamed as Asuka balled up her fist and glared at him over her shoulder.
"Oh, she's talking about you and the bitch," Kensuke said nonchalantly as he pushed his glasses up on his nose.
"That's it," Asuka said as she pushed into Hikari, appearing desperate to fight through her restraints and battle the two Stooges.
As she feigned a struggle with Hikari, Asuka used this opportunity to carefully assess the situation. One on one, she could beat either of the boys. Combined they might prove to be a difficult task, but given her current state of rage she deemed that an acceptable risk.
However just before she pressed forward with her standard bull rush attack, she noticed the unmistakable images of the two girls she exacted revenge upon with her Eva. Their scowls and clenched fists conveyed the feeling that didn't appreciate the remodeling that Asuka had done for them. Well, not so much remodeling as demolition...
The distinct possibility of four on one convinced the Second Child that for now at least, the only battle to be fought was the war of words. Although Touji and Kensuke were dorks, at least she could count on them to keep their mouths shut, but these other girls were an unknown. They could report her to the principal if she beat them in a fight and Misato had warned her about getting into trouble at school. Given the current state of war between herself and her guardian, Asuka knew she could ill afford giving Misato any reason to punish her. And another fight would sure provide a good reason.
"Sorry Hikari," Asuka grumbled still trying to cope with the ideas of both apologizing and retreating. "I shouldn't stoop to their level of idiocy," she said while stepping back.
Touji and Kensuke glanced at one another and nodded. Asuka's withdrawal from the physical confrontation buoyed their hopes as they silently agreed to press the attack.
"Just as I thought, you're not so tough when you're not sitting inside old big red and gruesome," Kensuke commented as he looked away in mock disgust.
"Yeah, and what's with red anyway? It's WAY overrated as a color," Touji chimed in taking his partner's cue. "Blue is where it's at."
Asuka could only manage a couple of German profanities in response, a weak return and she knew it. Bad enough she had to back down from these morons, but now they were picking on her Unit 02...and that just wasn't fair.
"What's with the four eyes anyway? If you can't see Asuka, be like me and get some freaking glasses," Kensuke quipped.
The laughter at her expense was becoming unbearable, but a quick check confirmed the two homeless girls were still there, and still looking quite perturbed.
"Imagine, glasses on an Eva," Touji snorted, "Oh please Mister Angel, don't chop off my head...I'm wearing glasses."
Asuka looked beaten, that was evident as she lowered her head, abhorring the fact she could do nothing. She was helpless and the two circled her like vultures as they continued to launch barrage after barrage into her, each insult piercing her ego like a Lance as her internal clock read 0:00:00.
"And while we're at it, stop bothering Shinji all the time."
Given the overwhelming success that was to forever be known as the Stooge Offensive, Touji decided to include the missing one in the victory. After all he deserved to enjoy the rewards of a conquered Asuka as well.
"What about Shinji?" Asuka meekly replied, never raising her head to betray her look of excitement. Perhaps the Third could again prove useful.
"You heard me! Shinji doesn't like the way you treat him. You are always mean to him, picking on him. So why don't you do us all a favor and go back to Russia!"
Kensuke shook his head as he whispered something in Touji's ear.
"I mean Germany!"
Normally Asuka would have jumped on this transgression in a furor, but given her precarious situation, she held her tongue. After all she was devising a far bigger scheme to punish those two.
"And Shinji told you this," she said with just the hint of pain in her voice.
Kensuke and Touji nodded their heads in agreement, looking like a pair of bobbin head dolls.
"I never knew he felt this way," she said as she turned away from the grinning duo. "Maybe you two are right."
After a few moments, Asuka finally turned to face them again, her eyes filled with sadness.
"Fine, if that's how he feels...well...I'll...I'll leave."
A stunned silence fell over the three as it appeared that Touji's greatest wish had come true. Asuka was going to leave Tokyo-3 and his life forever. Kensuke only smiled, his greatest wish involved certain members of Sailor Moon coming to live in his room, but he was none the less quite happy about this turn of events. Hikari was about to implore her to reconsider when Asuka continued.
"Of course he has to ask me himself. I don't trust either of you dorks."
"You're telling us that if Shinji asks you to go, you will?"
Asuka simply nodded and smiled.
"Where is he?" Moe and Larry spoke as one. If they hurried perhaps she could be gone by the end of the day.
"I think he's over there," Asuka replied as she pointed in the general direction of the pool.
With the subtly of a snowplow, Touji parted the sea of humanity as the others followed in his wake.
---------
"Yo Shinji," Touji called out as he spotted the Third Child leaning on the fence watching activity in the pool beyond.
"Hello," came Shinji's brief reply as he quickly looked over his shoulder to acknowledge his friend's arrival before again returning his gaze to the swimmers.
"Shinji today is your lucky day," Touji boasted. "Today the source of all your pain and suffering will be sent packing."
Seriously doubting that his father was leaving NERV or allowing him to leave, Shinji turned and faced the eldest Suzahara child.
"What are you talking about?"
"One word from you and shinzel puss over there will be gone."
"Shinzel puss?!?!"
Shinji watched as Asuka stepped out from behind his friend. "Yeah, the old red haired bitch...," Touji started before Asuka flashed the V sign and jammed her fingers into the boy's eyes causing him to crash face first into the chain link fence.
"Ahhh," he screamed as Kensuke rushed to his aid. "I'm blind."
"Just what are you looking at?" Asuka asked as she stepped over the fallen Suzahara and strained to see what captured Shinji's interest.
Shinji tried desperately to block the Second's view as he carefully leaned his body to the left and right, mirroring her every move.
The stalemate was short lived however, as Asuka succeeded in faking him out allowing her to assume his vantage point as he fell back against the fence and sighed at his own futility in stopping her.
"Figures," she grumbled, "checking out the girls' swim team. Pervert."
A nervous smile formed on Shinji's face as he jumped up off the fence. "Yes, that's right. I was checking out the swim team. Come on let's go." He reached out and grabbed at her hand in an effort to pull her away.
"Wait a minute," Asuka growled as she ripped her hand free from his grip, carefully avoiding his subsequent attempts to recapture it. "What's the hurry?"
She turned back to the pool and searched for the source of Shinji's anxiety. As much as she liked to vocalize it, she knew too well that he was no pervert. No, there had to be another reason for his actions.
That reason literally surfaced before her eyes as Rei Ayanami came up for air, flinging her familiar blue mop of hair out of her crimson eyes. Blue eyes tracked the pale girl as she dove back into the water, noticing how the target cut through the pool like an azure torpedo.
"Wondergirl," Asuka muttered through gnashing teeth, noting how her rival easily outpaced the other swimmers.
"Hey isn't that Rei?" Hikari offered as she caught sight of the object of Asuka's death stare.
"Y...yes," Shinji stammered, stepping over to stand next to the Class Rep.
"Since when did SHE join the swim team?" Asuka hissed.
Shinji hesitated before responding. Determining that Hikari provided an acceptable buffer between him and the soon to be irate German he spoke.
"Last week."
He regretted his decision as Asuka's burning glare soon bore down on him. With a deep swallow he tried to soothe his now dry throat.
"I...I told her to try out for the team and she...she...sort of made it."
"Now why would you go off and do something stupid like that?" Asuka protested.
"Well," he began, lowering his head as he was unable to hold Asuka's scowl any longer. "With the Angel attacks possibly finished and the training schedule reduced..." Shinji thought for a moment and then fired off his own glower, "for SOME of us."
He watched her flinch, the realization sinking in of exactly who caused the discrepancy. Satisfied that his point had been made, he continued.
"She was feeling lost without Eva, so I suggested doing something to help pass the time. Since she enjoyed swimming so much, it seemed like a natural choice."
Hikari glanced over to Asuka, who looked to be in a state of shock.
Shinji forged ahead, taking advantage of the unexpected silence. "Her coach has already named her the number one swimmer on the team. I wish she talked with teammates more, I mean she still keeps mostly to herself, but at least she is trying."
The confusion in Asuka was soon replaced by a growing anger as she listened to him gush about her rival pilot. She fought desperately to understand her feelings as she watched the ashen girl climb out of the pool and begin to towel off. Her thoughts were broken as the watch on her hand began to beep incessantly. Time enough later to figure all these developments out, she had a job to finish.
"Stooge One, Stooge Two! Get over here," she shouted, startling the two out of their skimpy swimsuit induced trances. "Don't you want to hear this?"
Touji nodded and grabbed Kensuke's arm, holding him in place as he whispered into the smaller boy's ear.
"We need to remember to come here every morning."
Kensuke nodded as he was already finished entering the reminder into his ever present Palm 2600X. "Way ahead of you," he said as he took one last glimpse of heaven as the last of the girls entered the locker room.
With a heartfelt sigh he slowly turned around, jumping back as he noticed that everyone was watching him. The disgusted looks he was receiving convinced him to change the subject...quickly.
"Ok devil," Touji said, remembering the true purpose of the excursion to find Shinji. "You may begin."
Kensuke held up his finger signaling her to wait as he fumbled with the Palm before dropping his finger and holding the device up to her chin.
"Remember this is being taped so you can't deny it later."
Asuka took a moment to glance down at her watch as she stepped forward to face Shinji.
"Your friends over there said that you don't want me around anymore. You want me to leave. Is that true?"
She reached out and took his hands into hers', moving quickly before Shinji had a chance to react.
"You don't want me to leave, do you?"
Shinji glanced down at their interlocked hands and slowly raised his gaze to take in her facial expression. He was shaking like a leaf, but she appeared so helpless and pleading, he found himself unable to look away as he became lost those sky blue eyes.
Touji sensed a bit of dirty play at hand as he cleared his throat loudly, first once, then twice. Unsuccessful at breaking the siren's spell, he resorted to brute force as he pushed Shinji's shoulder.
"Hello? Tell her to hit the road already will ya."
Shinji finally broke free of her gaze and blushed as he stared intently at his shoes, afraid he would be drawn in again if those eyes caught him. There he stood in bewilderment as he tried to figure out exactly what the hell was going on.
Asuka glared at the track-suited moron before she continued.
"Shinji please explain to them that you would never send me away. After all I am your girlfriend."
"GIRLFRIEND?!?!?" Touji, Kensuke and Hikari shouted in unison.
"Yes, his girlfriend," Asuka replied smugly as she continued her grip on his hands.
An eerie silence settled over the five as everyone awaited his response. For his part Shinji was still reviewing exactly what Asuka had just said. After all, what he thought he heard couldn't possibly be what he heard.
"But Asuka...you're not my gi..."
His words were halted as she placed a lone finger to his lips.
"Shhh," Asuka whispered. "Don't worry about it. I know we were going to keep it a secret, but these people are our friends."
Shinji's eyes moved from Asuka's smiling face to focus on the index finger which was still on his mouth. As he struggled to speak, he realized that she was pressing quite hard against him, the finger acting as a deadbolt to ensure his cooperation.
Asuka felt Shinji start to struggle as she continued to apply pressure. "It's alright," she said as her smile was replaced with a frown. "There's no need to get all upset, they were bound to find out sooner or later."
She took her eyes off him for a moment to glance at her watch which was conveniently located on the same arm which was currently holding the boy in place. "Come on..." she muttered as she noted the time, "it should have rang already."
Her gaze quickly returned to Shinji as his movements were becoming more desperate to free himself. Finally his violent maneuvering paid off as he broke free.
"But...I'm...not..." Shinji began before Asuka was able to stop him again, this time electing to place her entire hand over his mouth.
"Shinji," she said as she worked her way behind him, seeking to gain the necessary leverage to firmly hold him in place. Satisfied that he was trapped, she turned and whispered into his ear, "relax, Shinji dear, you shouldn't get so worked up."
Asuka turned to the stunned trio. "You will have to excuse Shinji, he's a little upset that I told our little secret." A wry grin grew on her face as she focused directly on Touji and Kensuke. "He knew how much this would upset you two, that's why he tried to keep it a secret."
Shinji screamed helplessly into Asuka's hand, his words of denial being absorbed and converted into meaningless mumbles. Soon he was forced to give up, his oxygen supply rapidly depleting as she continued her grip.
The three other children could only stand and watch in awe as Asuka continued to smile and Shinji began to turn blue. Suddenly the bell rang in the background, calling the students in for another day of education. Taking her cue, Asuka began pulling the dazed and confused pilot backwards toward the school, still holding her hand tightly over his mouth.
"Come on darling," she said, distinctly struggling with the last word. "We don't want to be late for class."
Hikari, Touji and Kensuke watched as Asuka dragged the now limp Shinji towards the school before each looked at one another in shock and started off running after the retreating couple.
---------
Asuka quickly took her seat after depositing the still unresponsive Shinji in his. Quickly opening her laptop, she glanced over the monitor to catch the arrival of the Stooges and the class representative. All were looking quite pale and disheveled as Touji and Kensuke reluctantly made their way to their seats, leaving the dumbfounded Hikari standing in front of the class.
"Ehem," the elderly sensei cleared his throat in an effort to solicit some response from his class representative.
"Sorry sensei...," Hikari began all the while staring at her best friend. "Um...sit...bow...rise. I mean rise...sit...bow. I mean..."
The entire room with the exception of six students erupted in laughter as the deep crimson blush on her face signaled that she also realized her mistake.
"Thank you Miss Horaki," the sensei said as Hikari stumbled into her seat. "Today we will be discussing the Second Impact and it's effects on the global markets."
A collective groan permeated the room as the teacher began drawing supply and demand curves on the board.
Shinji sunk down in his chair as he struggled to understand the events of the morning. He couldn't figure out what his roommate was up to, but he had the distinct feeling that they weren't going out. At least not in the traditional sense.
Then again, nothing Asuka ever did was traditional.
He opened his laptop and logged in. Though he rarely paid much attention to the lectures, he at least looked like he was interested. As the mail program started Shinji groaned as his Inbox had twenty five, now twenty six, then twenty seven new messages. He watched as the counter increased by one, each increment corresponding to the audible click of Kensuke's or Touji's ENTER button. The sheer volume of email should have required all morning for Shinji to read them, but he knew he would only have to read one. After all, they all had the same subject line...
'You Traitor!'
---------
Finally finished with deleting all the messages from his computer, except one, Shinji glanced over his laptop at its originator. The Second Child continued to type away, seeming to take diligent notes as the sensei droned along in the background. Deciding that she was not going to acknowledge his stare, he glimpsed back down at that lone remaining message as it read on his screen like an epitaph.
'Do nothing, say nothing until I explain. Even an idiot like you should be capable of following these simple instructions.'
Shinji thought for a moment, visions of that mornings' events still fresh in his mind. He didn't know what Asuka was up to but he also knew he needed to get word to his friends that they weren't going out. He thought about her warning as he typed a brief message explaining in no uncertain terms that he and Asuka were not a couple. Satisfied with the content he stole a quick glimpse at the Second Child. She was intently watching her display, perhaps engaged in an online chat with Hikari.
Hesitating for a moment as his finger hung over the ENTER button, he deliberated sending the disclosure and the possible repercussions dealt out by Asuka. More than a few heartbeats later, a dull 'click' registered in his ears as he pressed the button.
Asuka would be upset but she brought this on herself. She obviously had some master plan in mind, but this time she was on her own. After all, these were his best friends and they needed to know the truth. He and Asuka were not going out. At least he thought they weren't going out. They were PRETENDING to be going out, but that was only for Misato's benefit, wasn't it? Everything was starting to make less and less sense as the first reply email arrived to his Inbox.
A smile formed on his face as he maneuvered the cursor to open the message. Probably from Kensuke, he pondered, after all he typed faster then Touji.
Double clicking the communication, Shinji's eyes naturally gravitated to the portion of the screen that would momentarily display the words of praise and encouragement from his friend for heading off another plot from the 'red menace'.
His smile faded as his eyes scanned back and forth reading and rereading the message. The look of fear on his face was becoming evident as he stole another peek at Asuka, she still typing away. Though her back was to him, he knew she was smiling as he lowered his head and returned to the lone message on his screen.
'I knew you were too stupid to follow instructions so I took the precaution of diverting all your email to my computer. That dork Aida isn't the only one who knows how to reconfigure the LAN system.'
Shinji sighed and clicked on the DELETE button, anxious to remove her mocking edict. Yet the message didn't disappear, rather it duplicated. Clicking furiously he soon filled his entire display before he finally gave up. His only method of electronic communication cut off, he started the word processing program determined to print out the message and have it hand delivered in the event that Asuka's wrath proved to be fatal.
Clenching his hands into fists he pounded them into the keyboard, producing an unintelligible collection of letters and numbers. It seems that not only had she intercepted his mail, but she had also reconfigured his computer to only type in German, and in a bright red font.
Shinji could swear he heard her familiar chuckle, but he didn't bother to look up. He was too busy watching the little movie she had uploaded to his system. He felt himself cringe as the Third Angel drove its pile driver into Unit 01's head, cracking the armor and sending it flying backwards.
Glancing back over his shoulder, he hoped that one or both might be looking in his direction. If he could get their attention, he could whisper the message. Asuka's genius could do nothing to stop such a low-tech form of communication. Waving his hands and fidgeting in his chair, Shinji tried every known method of attracting attention. Yet Touji and Kensuke just sat staring into their respective monitors, oblivious to any outside stimulation.
Deciding the task was hopeless, Shinji turned around just in time to watch as the Fifth Angel's particle beam blasted a huge chunk out of Unit 01's chest plate. He groaned and laid his head down onto his crossed hands and shut his eyes in defeat.
The red haired girl in the front of the class missed his surrender as she busily typed commands into her laptop. With a click she smiled as she sent off another file.
'Misato in the shower, file #2'
---------
The entire class turned and watched as Asuka enthusiastically extended the antenna on her cell phone. They collectively held their breath as everyone had been through this experience before. A NERV cell phone ringing in class meant only one thing, Angel attack.
"Hello," Asuka said after silencing the constant ringing with the press of a button. "Yes Misato...I understand. Right away." She shifted the phone to her other ear and held it in place with her shoulder as she gathered up her belongings with her now free hands.
"Grab Shinji and get right over. I understand...we are on the way."
She pressed the END button and looked up to see everyone's panic stricken eyes staring at her every move. Standing up she turned and called to her fellow pilot.
"Come on Shinji, we have to go."
A look of fear swept across his face. "I...is it an Angel?"
Asuka cocked her head and looked at him quizzically, watching him tremble as a mixture of fear and adrenaline fueled his movement. A long pause followed as he and the rest of the class hung on her every action, awaiting those dreaded words.
"Oh," Asuka gasped as she finally registered the need to reply. "Yes it's an Angel attack. Now let's go."
Not content to wait for him, she sprang up and marched over to his desk, yanking him up in one fluid motion.
"Would you please hurry...fate of the world and all that stuff," Asuka huffed as she violently pulled him down the aisle by his hand.
Reaching the front of the class she started to turn toward the door when she caught something unexpected out of the corner of her eye. The visage of Rei Ayanami was standing at her desk and collecting her belongings.
"That's okay Wondergirl, Misato only needs me and Shinji. You stay here."
Rei gazed over at the girl and blinked. "I have been given orders in the event of an Angel attack," she said softly. "My place is with Eva."
"You would think so, but Misato told me to tell you to stay here." Asuka watched as Rei continued her preparations to leave. "She said she didn't need any decoys or human shields but if she did, she knew who to call."
Kensuke let out a short chuckle as Rei continued undaunted. She finally looked up and caught sight of the obviously shaken Shinji as Asuka resumed her tugging on his arm attempting to get him out the door.
Rei stared into the frightened boy's eyes. "I will go with you."
Asuka turned a bit pale as the First Child walked up behind them, intent on following the Second and Third out the door.
She stopped pulling on Shinji and turned to face her rival. "Rei," she reluctantly said, finding the word difficult to pronounce. "Misato thinks it's the Seventh Angel again. She doesn't want you there, she only needs Shinji and I because of our sync training."
"No, not the Seventh again," Shinji wailed. "I don't remember the moves, I don't remember what to do!"
Asuka ignored his insane ramblings as she slid the class door open. "See, you're not needed," she reiterated and turned to Rei with a smile. "Of course if you want to disobey a direct order from Commander Ikari, don't accuse me of not warning you."
Pushing Shinji through the doorway Asuka followed as Rei stood in silent contemplation, her only movement the turning of her head as she strained for one last glimpse of the boy as Asuka quickly slid the door shut behind her.
---------
Running down the hallway Asuka pulled Shinji out the front door and into the courtyard without uttering a word. Confident that they were now far enough away from the classroom, she finally stopped and hunched over to catch her breath.
"Backflip, backflip, jump, turn, kick...or is it backflip, kick, backflip, turn?"
"Idiot, what the hell are you talking about?"
Standing again she watched as Shinji moved about the area, sliding and kicking about like an actor in a cheap kung fu movie.
"Jump, kick, dodge, turn, spin," he mumbled as his body acted out each movement.
The corners of her mouth upturned as she watched him prance around in mock battle. It was all she could do not to burst out in laughter.
"What are you, stupid?"
Shinji opened his eyes and ran over to her, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her violently.
"How can you be so calm? Don't you understand? I forgot the moves. I can't remember what to do! Please Asuka you have to help me...PLEASE!"
The color left his face as he started to tremble again facing the distinct possibility he had seen his last sunrise.
Asuka thought about letting him suffer a little longer for his early transgression with Rei at the pool but since his participation was integral to her plans, she decided to tell him the truth.
"Moron you can relax. There's no Angel attack. I made it up."
Slowly her words sunk in and his appearance changed from one of fear to one of rage.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" he yelled throwing his arms up in desperation. "You scared me half to death, never mind panicking the entire class."
Asuka crossed her arms and turned away at his outburst. "It's your fault."
"My fault?" he screamed, "how's this my fault?"
She spun around and jabbed a finger into his chest. "You couldn't keep your big mouth shut, that's why."
"What are you talking about?" he said his tone much calmer then his previous outbursts.
"I specifically told you not to say anything to those idiot friends of yours until I had a chance to explain. YOU can't follow simple instructions so I had to fake the Angel attack."
"This was so you could talk to me about this morning?"
Asuka nodded as Shinji continued. "I guess it's too late now. What is going on?"
"I want you to go out with me."
Again Shinji turned pale and began to tremble although no Angel alarms could be heard. "G...go out with you?" he stammered.
"Yes. Go out with me."
She paused and waited for any response from the boy. For the next few moments she received nothing other then a petrified stare.
"Not for real of course...just so I can teach your imbecile friends not to mess with me."
Shinji reviewed her words as he broke from the trance that her initial question threw him into.
"I won't do it," he objected. "I'm not going to PRETEND to go out with you."
"Why not?" she asked incredulously.
"Why not?!?! I can't believe you have to even ask. These are my FRIENDS we are talking about, the only ones I ever had. This isn't like the game you are playing with Misato. I can't do this. What if they never speak to me again?"
A sly grin appeared on Asuka's face as she realized that was yet another potential benefit. Now she HAD to get Shinji to go along with the plan.
"Those idiots will forgive you," she said, "think of this as the ultimate practical joke."
Shinji shook his head. "No, I'm not going to take that chance. What's in it for me? What benefit can your stupid plan have other then upsetting my friends?"
"There's plenty in it for you."
"Like what?"
"You can put those two morons in their place," she bellowed.
"No," he replied while shaking his head quickly. "I like Touji and Kensuke. Try again."
Asuka desperately searched for an answer. After a minute Shinji turned and began walking back towards the school. Reluctantly she called out the response that she had hoped to avoid.
"Well, it will help you with the girls."
That last word seemed to pique his interest as he stopped in his tracks.
"What?" Shinji said, turning around. "How is this supposed to help me with girls?"
"Easy, most girls wouldn't give you the time of day, I mean you are a dork and all. Trust me on this, a lot of them have told me what a loser you are and how they wouldn't be caught dead with you. But once they see you are going out with me, they'll start to take notice of you. Girls will become attracted to guys they wouldn't think twice about because they figure there has to be something about them to make them worthy of boyfriend material. Soon they are fighting for the privilege of being your next girlfriend. Do you see my point?"
Shinji thought for a moment before responding. "So you're telling me that the easiest way to get a girl to take an interest in me is to go out with someone else?"
Asuka nodded and silently prayed that he understood the convoluted principles of adolescent relationships. Not that she understood them either, but she HAD to know more then him.
"I guess it makes sense," he said while scratching his head and eliciting a sigh of relief from the redhead.
"I'll do it," he proclaimed after some thought, "but you have to agree to something first."
"No way," she instinctively replied as she shook her head in defiance.
"Fine," he whispered and started walking back toward the school.
Watching him walk away Asuka clenched her hands into fists.
"Okay, fine. What do you want?" she relented.
Shinji stopped as a hint of a smirk appeared on his face. "You have to be nice to Rei," he said without turning around.
"Wondergirl!" Asuka screamed, "you're crazy if you think I'm going to act nice to that damn doll."
"She is not a doll...and either you treat her better or the whole deal is off."
Asuka stared at the back of Shinji's head wondering what her fellow pilot saw in the First anyway.
"Fine," she eventually mumbled after determining he wasn't bluffing.
"What?" Shinji asked, "I can't hear you."
"I said 'fine'. For this amount of effort on my part you had better make a convincing boyfriend."
"I will," he replied as he turned around to face her again. "We should get back to class."
Shinji held out his hand for her as she approached, but Asuka turned her head away and walked right past him.
"We are only pretending to go out. Don't do all that crap unless someone else is around, got it?"
Shinji smiled and mock saluted. "Yes ma'am."
---------
"I'm going to puke if you two don't stop hanging all over one another," Kensuke clamored as Asuka lay in Shinji's lap. Unfortunately for him, his complaints had been ignored throughout lunch.
"As the class rep can't you do something about this?" Touji said as he paced back and forth. "Isn't there some school bylaw or something against this sort of deplorable behavior?"
Hikari shook her head. "No, not as long as their clothes stay on and it doesn't interrupt anyone's studies."
She blushed a bit as she switched to a much less formal tone. "Don't you think it's romantic Touji? Two souls finding one another."
Hikari blinked adoringly at him, but Touji didn't notice as his full intellectual capacity was focused on the problem at hand. A particular red haired problem.
"You said you can stop them if it disrupts someone's studies, right?" he said as a revelation overcame him.
Hikari frowned in dismay at Touji's obvious failure to acknowledge her not so subtle hint. "Yes," she muttered indignantly, "that's what the rules say."
"Fine then I would like to lodge a FORMAL complaint that I can't study because of the horrible mental images of these two...sicko's."
Touji crossed his arms in triumph and nodded as Kensuke started typing a formal letter of protest on his Palm 2600X.
"Shut up moron," Asuka yelled as she jumped up from Shinji's lap to stare her nemesis in the eyes. "You can't study because you are an idiot."
"What did you say?" he returned.
"You heard me. You are as smart as a pile of rocks. The only mental images you are capable of involve sex acts with animated characters."
"You take that back, uber bitch!"
Asuka pointed an accusing finger at Touji. "You're nothing but a pervert. Don't think I don't know about you and the Grandmaster of Hentai over there with your collection of greatest hits."
For his part Kensuke silently wondered how Asuka knew his JOL screen name and made a note on his Palm to change it immediately.
"You think you are so high and mighty because you're an Eva pilot. But I bet if I became a pilot I could whip you and your Unit 02," Touji bellowed continuing the assault.
"In your dreams, dork. NERV would never let a moron like you pilot. Hell, you would make Wondergirl look like a good pilot." Asuka cringed as she realized she broke her earlier promise to Shinji. Hearing no protest she continued on. "The only reason you would become a pilot is if they needed some idiot to sit in the cockpit as cannon fodder."
Touji grew tired of her constant putdowns. He had seen Shinji pilot and although the mental stress seemed quite high, he would endure anything to shut the girl up.
"I'd give an arm and a leg for the chance to fight you in an Eva. I bet I'd knock you out before you even had a chance to move."
"Please," Asuka snickered, "any dummy could plug your sorry ass."
Hikari finally felt the need to step in as the tension was reaching critical mass.
"Stop it you two!" she said as she put herself physically between the two. Noticing no reduction in the hostilities she called for help. "Shinji, would you please give me a hand here?!"
The class rep looked down at the Third Child's previous location only to find he had disappeared during the commotion.
"Shinji?"
Something in Hikari's tone caused Asuka to break off her attack and respond to her friend.
"What's the matter?" she asked as she turned to look for her faux lover. "Where did he go?"
Immediately four sets of eyes were rapidly scanning the schoolyard for any sign of the missing pilot.
"There his is," Hikari exclaimed as she pointed toward a distant pair sitting under a cherry tree. "He's with...Rei."
She instantly regretted finding the poor boy and worse still pointing out his current companion as her friend's face contorted into the most vile of expressions. Of course not everyone was as upset at this turn of events.
"Way to go Shinji," Touji yelled as he high fived an equally exuberant Kensuke. "Looks like our boy is trading up."
"Hey Asuka," the smaller boy cried out as he adjusted his glasses. "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population...YOU!"
The Stooges engaged in a hearty laugh at their comments as Hikari moved in to console her friend during this time of need.
That comfort soon turned to triage for the unfortunate victims in Asuka's path as she stormed off, tossing people aside like a crimson tornado heading toward the unsuspecting pair.
---------
"Hi Rei."
"Hello Ikari."
Shinji glanced down unable to look at his teammate as he struggled to determine what he wanted to tell her.
"Sorry about this morning. You probably know by now there wasn't an Angel attack."
Rei nodded her head slightly. "I do not understand the purpose of Pilot Sohryu's deception."
Shinji finally summoned the courage to look her in the eyes. "Well Asuka gets these crazy schemes sometimes and she needed to speak with me about her latest one...she didn't mean anything personal by it."
Rei turned away and ate a small portion of her lunch as Shinji debated whether or not the conversation was over. Just as he stood up and prepared to leave, Rei surprised him by speaking.
"What is the nature of Sohryu's plan?"
"Well," he started before clearing his throat as it had suddenly become quite dry. "It seems she wants to get revenge on anyone who has wronged her in one way or another."
"That would be an extensive list," Rei said matter of factly.
"Yes, that's true," Shinji chuckled at her unintentional quip. "Anyway to execute her plan we are going to pretend to go out."
"Go out?" she asked, blinking through her obvious confusion.
"You know...go out."
Shinji's elaborate explanation did nothing to ease her bewilderment with the concept. She simply continued to stare at him awaiting further information.
"It's when a guy and a girl decide they would like to move their relationship past the friendship stage and become...well...romantically involved."
Shinji hoped that he wouldn't be required to expound further because he probably couldn't. Luckily for him, Rei seemed to either grasp the concept or decide she didn't really care.
"I do not comprehend why Sohryu would chose to falsify her feelings and actions," she whispered as her ruby eyes bore down on his deep blue ones in search of an answer. "Is this not confusing? "
"For as long as I have known Asuka, most of the things she has done have been confusing to me. I guess I'm used to it."
Rei continued to stare intently at him as he paused, catching sight of the approaching scarlet whirlwind as it scattered bodies to the left and right.
Looking back with a smile he finished his train of thought.
"But I think that something good will come out of this."
---------
"Have I told you what an idiot you are for that move today at lunch?" Asuka shouted breaking the calm in the living room.
"Yes," Shinji groaned as he glanced up from his homework. After all she had already yelled at him at lunch, during the walk to NERV after school, during sync testing, during the entire walk home and during dinner. He searched hard to find an available instance when she didn't yell at him for his 'betrayal.'
"I told you already, I didn't want to watch you fight with my friends so I walked away. I ran into Rei completely by accident."
Asuka marched over and glared down at him.
"I'll believe you this time," she said, deciding he was too spineless to lie to her. "But don't let it happen again. Stop talking to that freak. She's weird."
Shinji jumped up forcing Asuka to back up as he stood inches from her face.
"First off," he yelled pointing an accusing finger at her, "you agreed to be nice to Rei. And second, there was never any agreement that I couldn't talk to her. She is my friend and as long as it doesn't interfere with your plans then I will talk to her anytime I want."
Shinji crossed his arms as a contented smile formed on his lips.
Any further argument was curtailed as the sound of the door opening signaled the arrival of Major Katsuragi. In a rush Asuka pushed Shinji to the couch as she listened to the approach of the NERV Operations Director. Jumping on top of the Unit 01 pilot, she quickly pulled him in tight as Misato poked her head into the room.
"Hello?...oh shit," she cried catching the sight of the two intertwined teens on the couch.
She had convinced herself yesterday was a nightmare. Nothing more than an alcohol and stress induced figment of her imagination. After all the notion of Shinji and Asuka was almost as ridiculous as her and Shinji. Though her lonely heart was sometimes...
"What the hell is going on here?" she yelled mentally slapping herself for her thoughts.
"Hi Misato. I didn't hear you come in," Asuka said as she picked up her head from Shinji's chest. "I was too busy staring into my baby's blue eyes. I could lose myself in there you know."
She leaned forward and planted a little kiss on his lips as he lay trembling beneath her.
"This is not happening," Misato screamed as she retreated to the kitchen to start on a Yebisu influenced coma.
-------
Dropping another empty beer can into the garbage she continued to speak to herself, finding some comfort in the sound of someone's voice, even her own.
"A dream, that's it. I'm dreaming."
A smile appeared as she reached the conclusion everything was the result of some extended slumber.
"All I need is to wake up and everything will be back to normal again."
Misato walked back into the living room and watched as Asuka nuzzled up close to her man, whispering quietly yet somehow loud enough for the Major to hear.
"I don't care what happens as long as I'm here with you," Asuka said. After pausing for a moment she remembered a line from an old movie she suffered through with Misato. "You complete me."
The Major fought the urge to throw up. "Somebody please pinch me so I can wake up from this nightmare."
Pen Pen, who up to this point had been quietly observing the situation from the safety of his pillow, took Misato up on the invitation. Rushing across the room, his beak open in anticipation of delivering one massive pinch to his unsuspecting master's calf. Just as he reached his goal, the Major spun around and picked him up, even against his squawking disapproval.
"I know Pen Pen, we live in a loony bin. But Mommy loves you."
Her comments finished, Misato pinched the penguin's cheek sending instant throbs of excruciating pain throughout his face.
Like human grandchildren, warm weather penguins hate to be pinched in the cheeks.
That fact was lost on the older woman as she placed the now furious bird back on the floor. The burning pain in his cheeks caused his eyes to well up in tears that soon obliterated his eyesight. Determined to escape from the evil woman's clutches before something worse happened, Pen Pen ran blindly around the room until his advance was halted by the wall. Slowly falling backward, he relished the fact that the pain in his cheeks was gone, replaced by the comfort that only a concussion induced nap could bring...
"Guess he's tired," Misato shrugged as she watched Pen Pen lying on his back, the only motion an occasional twitching of his skyward pointing webbed feet.
"You two can stop these games."
Shinji and Asuka both moved their gaze away from the unconscious fowl and turned it to their guardian. She was standing over them, her hands squarely placed on her hips and she looking quite irate.
"Games?" Asuka muttered.
"Yes games, Asuka. I don't know what you two are doing, but it needs to stop right now."
"For your information Misato," Asuka said confidently, "Shinji and I are very much in love."
She let that comment resonate about the room for a few moments. The use of the word 'love' was not only enough to stymie Misato's advance, it scared her quite a bit too.
The momentum of the battle now squarely in her favor, Asuka took the offensive.
"What's the matter Misato...jealous?"
"Jealous?" the older woman said indignantly. "Why should I be jealous of you?"
"Oh I don't know," Asuka smiled, "maybe the fact I have Shinji and you have...well...nobody."
"Shinji," Misato begged, her pained expression evidence of Asuka's stinging remark. "Are you in love with Asuka?"
Misato's plight was not going unnoticed by the Third. Her eyes silently pleaded with him to help her, to provide some comfort for her pain.
Asuka watched as her guardian's gaze bore down on Shinji, every passing moment bringing him closer to the point when he would give in and ruin all her plans.
She slowly slid forward, effectively positioning her ample bosom within inches of a suddenly very excited boy.
Shinji's gaze slowly shifted away from Misato and down to Asuka as she continued to reposition herself upon him. Quickly his eyes locked on the pair of breasts tantalizingly close to him.
Watching the shameless spectacle before her, Misato sighed as she realized that the chances of receiving anything remotely intelligent out of the boy were finished. That fact combined with Asuka's smug victory grin was too much to bear as she called for a full retreat.
"Fine!" Misato bellowed as she gathered up the shattered remnants of her pride. "I'll leave you two...lovebirds...alone."
She turned and quickly left the room, ignoring Asuka's final volley.
"Oh, don't go away angry. Just go away."
Watching as Misato disappeared from sight, Asuka looked down at the still mesmerized boy. She gazed at him for a moment wondering why he seemed so happy. Then it hit her, and she hit him.
"Pervert," she yelled as she quickly sat up and covered herself while sliding to the opposite end of the couch. "Get off of me!"
"Get off of you?" he protested as he sat up. "YOU were on top of me!"
"I'm not going into specifics with a jerk like you."
"Ouch," he said as he attempted to rub some feeling back into his cheek. "What did you do that for?"
"Because you were trying to look down my shirt!"
"You stuck them out there. What did you expect?"
Asuka turned away so Shinji could not see her blush. "You didn't see anything, did you?"
"Who me?" he replied innocently. "I didn't see anything."
Shinji smiled as he remembered what he did see, not everything but enough to make his dreams quite interesting for the next few nights...
---------
Misato fell into her chair as she opened another beer. She had decided to battle pull tops and hangovers instead of her Children. After all, Asuka was right, she was jealous. Quickly guzzling she hoped this one would provide the relief she desperately wanted. She wasn't getting any younger and Kaji didn't seem to take their relationship seriously. It seemed too late to start with someone new, especially given the amount of time and effort required. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she wished for just once in her life that she could be the happy one.
To Be Continued...
Next Chapter: "Misato's Counterattack"
Ok, I did it again. Another mammoth chapter. Sorry about that, I was going to combine this chapter and the next and cut them into 3 chapters but I really wanted to get Rei into the picture and didn't want to put it off another chapter. After all she is very important to the plot. Now that everything is in place, I will move forward somewhat quicker as all the plot pieces have been set on the table. In case anyone forgot, the two girls are the same two from chapter 2 that cut Asuka in line. As part of the R3 project that Rhine, Random and myself are doing, I will be doing a chapter of this fic every 3rd week, so be sure to look for the next chapter. Specifics for the R3 project can be found at www.geocities.com/random1377/TheRpage.html Thanks to Random, Rhine and 20eva for prereading and C&C is welcome at jelamoureux@home.com and so without further ado here is:
******************* OMAKE THEATER *******************
Ryoma: Hello everybody and welcome to the chapter 3 Omake Theater. We have a really great show for you so lets... Who are you?
Dark Stranger: I'm Dark Ryoma and I'll be doing the omake theater tonight.
Ryoma: Dark Ryoma huh? I wasn't expecting you.
Dark Ryoma: No one ever expects Dark Ryoma! Now time is wasting let's get on to the omake.
Ryoma: Well I did have some stuff written, but you seem ok, if a bit...well...dark. Go ahead, what can it hurt?
Dark Ryoma: Thanks, now get off my stage. All right listen up, in the event that this omake makes you ill, barf bags are in the seat back in front of you. Roll the damn film!
*curtain rises*
"Wondergirl," Asuka murmured through her gnashing teeth.
She silently watched as the blue haired beauty split the water like an azure torpedo. Darting back and forth across the pool, she swam in a frantic pace, her technique quite unconventional as she splashed around.
"Hey is that Rei?" Hikari offered as she caught sight of the object of Asuka's death stare.
"Y...yes," Shinji stammered, stepping over to stand next to the Class Rep. "But what the hell is that chasing her?"
The three children all crowded around the fence, straining to see exactly what he was talking about.
Rei glanced back and noticed the unmistakable image behind her. The large gray triangle cut the water like a knife, rapidly closing the gap between it and her.
"What is it?" Hikari screamed as Shinji fought to climb the fence. "Swim Rei! Damn it swim!"
"Carcharodon carcharias," Asuka said nonchalantly. "A Great White shark. An eating machine."
"A WHAT?" Shinji cried as he fell to the ground. "Do something Asuka!"
"Too late now...look," she said pointing to the pool.
Shinji stood and watched as Rei thrashed about, trapped in the gnashing jaws of the beast.
Struggling to free herself she pounded on the animals head even as it slowly gulped her down whole.
Soon engulfed up to her waist she threw her head back as the blood exploded from her mouth, forced out by the sheer..."
*curtain falls*
Ryoma: Hey what are you doing?
Dark Ryoma: I'm telling my story here...why did you stop it, we were just getting to the good part.
Ryoma: Good part? You were horribly killing a beloved character in a mean and overly nasty way. Not to mention quite unbelievable too.
Dark Ryoma: Killing off characters is one of my favorite things in fanfics. And the more gruesome the better.
Ryoma: I'm not sure you're cut out for omake. Perhaps I should take over.
Dark Ryoma: No, I got it now. You want something FUNNY. Cool I can dig that.
*curtain rises*
"I don't care what happens as long as I'm here with you. You complete me."
Misato fought the urge to throw up. "Somebody please pinch me so I can wake up from this nightmare."
Pen Pen, who up to this point had been quietly observing the situation from the safety of his pillow, took Misato up on the invitation. Rushing across the room, his beak open in anticipation of delivering one massive pinch to his unsuspecting master's calf. Just before he reached his target the floor shook and began to buckle beneath him.
"What's happening?" Misato screamed as she fell over backwards.
Looking up she saw a flash of black and white protrude through the now open living room floor.
"What the hell?" she muttered as Asuka and Shinji ran over to get a better vantage point for the action.
"Pen Pen!" Misato screamed finally catching sight of the little penguin as it was thrashed about in the jaws of the creature.
"Mein Gott in Himmel!" Asuka yelled as she pointed to the monster. "Free Willy has got Pen Pen!"
The orca whipped the defenseless bird about, not unlike the images seen on nature specials, as he struggled to free himself.
"FREE WILLY?" Shinji cried as he fell to the ground. "Do something Asuka!"
"Too late now...look," she said pointing to the animal.
The three humans could only watch helplessly as the star of two Disney movies tossed the bird high in the air, opening his jaws wide to accept the falling morsel.
"WWWWAAAARRRrrkkkkk!!"
This was the last thing ever heard from Pen Pen as the killer whale closed his mouth and slowly sank below the floor to the depths of the apartment complex.
*curtain falls*
Dark Ryoma: Thank you, thank you.
Ryoma: Wonderful...do you realize what this is going to cost me? Never mind the cleaning bill, think about the years of therapy these traumatized kids are going to require.
Dark Ryoma: Therapy for what? I loved that scene. I love scenes like that. I was RAISED on scenes like that. I'm fine.
Ryoma: I think you miss the point of omake theater. It's supposed to be something funny based on the previous chapter. The key word is FUNNY, not DEPRESSING.
Dark Ryoma: Funny eh? Never tried funny before, seems pointless. I'm not cut out for this, I'm going home and put my Death / Rebirth and End Of Evangelion DVD on continuous loop and watch it for 24 hours straight. Man, I love that ending !
Ryoma: I thought you would. Sorry for the crappy omake but I was pressed for material this chapter. Good night everybody. Dark Ryoma, wave to the crowd.
Dark Ryoma: I feel sick...