Nergal Fan Fiction LLC
A division of Nergal Heavy Industries proudly presents:
The Best Laid Plans
Chapter Four "Misato's Counterattack"
by Ryoma
Disclaimer: Characters from Neon Genesis Evangelion have been used without permission. All characters contained in this work are copyright GAINAX, Project EVA, Movic, AD Vision and Manga Entertainment.
"Congratulations."
"Huh?" Asuka replied, the confusion evident in her voice.
The class rep and the Eva pilot were enjoying a relaxing lunch under a beautiful midday sun in the school courtyard as in the distance the Three Stooges frolicked as only Stooges could.
"What are you talking about?" Asuka continued, placing her now empty bento box on the ground.
"You and Shinji's one week anniversary, that's what." Hikari said excitedly.
"Has it been a week already?" Asuka asked aloud. Ignoring the class rep's excited nods, she pondered how an entire week had escaped her attention.
"Then I guess it's true what they say about time standing still when you are in love," the class rep said before frowning and turning away.
She wasn't quite fast enough as Asuka caught sight of her change of expression. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Hikari whispered, keeping her back to the redhead as she stared out at the boys in the distance. "Nothing at all."
Asuka stood in silent contemplation as she wondered what triggered Hikari's sudden mood change. She had been acting strange ever since the Second and the Third announced their relationship. In the beginning she seemed genuinely happy, but over the past few days it appeared that something was troubling her best friend and bringing her down. "Hey Hikari, do you want to do to the mall with me tonight?"
"No," came the soft reply.
"How about coming over and studying together?" she said. "We've got that big test next week."
Asuka gazed at the back of Hikari's head as she watched the brown-haired girl shake it back and forth, her flopping pigtails exaggerating the movement. "No."
"Is there anything you want to do together?" Asuka sighed. She pushed the bento box around with her foot as she awaited an answer. After a minute of receiving nothing other than silence she pressed on. "What's your problem?!?! Jeez, what did I do that you're so mad at me for?"
Hikari turned around, the pained expression from before still etched across her freckled face. "It's nothing you did. Honest," she said shrugging the comment off. "I just don't feel comfortable hanging out with you and Shinji right now, that's all."
"Shinji?" Asuka exclaimed, "what does Shinji have to do with this?"
"I figured you would want to spend your free time with him. He is your boyfriend after all."
Asuka thought long and hard on that statement, Hikari giving her a puzzled stare at the long silence. "Yes, that's right," she finally responded somewhat reluctantly. "He is my...boyfriend. But what difference does that make? You used to always come out with both of us before."
"But now that you are a couple, everything has changed. Before we were all just friends, hanging out, and stuff. But now I would just be in the way." Asuka prepared to explain how ridiculous that idea was, but was cut short as Hikari turned away before she had a chance to start. "You really are lucky," Hikari said as she resumed watching the students standing under the large cherry tree that dominated the courtyard. Particularly a certain boy wearing a jogging suit.
"Lucky?" Asuka questioned as she stepped forward next to her friend.
"Yes lucky. You have a great guy who spends time with you, worships the ground you walk on, takes care and protects you from harm." Asuka stared out at the distant image of Hikari's praise as he shared a laugh with his friends. Her thoughts were on the girl's words, attempting to determine if in fact they were as true as they seemed on first review. The class rep took a deep breath followed by a defeatist sigh. "I wish I could find someone who would treat me like that."
Hikari's words snapped the Second Child out of her silent contemplation. The hurting tone in her friend's voice was unmistakable and Asuka left her own thoughts to focus on helping her friend. Still, in the back of her mind she made a mental note to revisit the issue of the Third Child. The words about him seemed to clash with the Shinji Ikari that she knew. "There must be somebody you like," Asuka said. "What about that new kid? Hayato. He seems kind of cute."
"No," Hikari returned abruptly. She stared down at the ground for a moment before speaking again. "There is ONE person I sort of like."
Asuka put her hand on her chin and began putting her genius IQ to work. Try as she might she could not avoid the obvious answer. After a minute of silent denial, she frowned and put her arms on her best friend's shoulders. "Please tell me it's not him," Asuka said as she shook the girl, "not HIM!"
"Touji...never!" Hikari said as her face flushed a fine shade of crimson.
"Well that's a relief," Asuka sighed as a broad smile formed on her face. She watched as the other girl frowned and lowered her head, obviously upset at her friend's words.
"Oh my God, so you DO like him," Asuka clamored. "Have I taught you nothing?"
"Yes," Hikari whispered as she nodded her head in agreement. "But...he's...out of...my...league," Hikari stammered, still fighting to contain her blush.
Asuka smirked at her friend's modesty. "Well if by out of your league you mean too good for him, I would have to agree." Her grin changed to a frown as she continued, "but since for some strange reason you seem to like the idiot, why don't you ask him out?"
"It's not that easy Asuka, " Hikari exclaimed, still shocked that her secret had been revealed. "I just can't ask him out. What if he says no? I'll be crushed."
Asuka crossed her arms on her chest. "He may be a moron but he isn't stupid. Of course he is going to say yes."
"You don't know for sure he'll say yes, do you?" she asked excitedly.
Asuka shook her head. "I don't know for SURE he will say yes..."
"See, I knew it," Hikari said through her frown. "It doesn't matter anyway, I'm too afraid to ask."
"I guess I could ask him for you," Asuka said grudgingly. "He may be a boob, but you are my friend so..."
Hikari reached out and forcibly grabbed Asuka's upper arm. "Don't you DARE!" she exclaimed. Both girls looked down in shock as the class rep's hand was still clutching the German girl's arm. "Sorry," Hikari said as she quickly released it. "If you ask him out for me I'll never speak to you again." Asuka looked into her best friend's eyes, the brown orbs a mixture of fear and shame as they blinked in defiance of the Second Child's will. "I mean it Asuka, don't get involved. I don't want your help."
As Hikari watched the redhead nod in agreement to her every word, it became very obvious that Asuka was going to act against her wishes. "I want you to promise me you won't do anything."
"Yeah sure I promise," Asuka casually replied.
"Asuka!" Hikari said, sensing the insincerity in her voice. "I swear I'll stop being your friend if you break this promise."
The Unit 02 pilot gave serious thought to calling her friend's bluff, but eventually decided that the class rep's friendship was too important to lose over something as stupid as Touji Suzahara. "I promise," Asuka said as she raised her right hand. "It's not like I WANT you two to get together. I just thought you needed some help. I have NO problem if you never ask him out."
"Thanks," Hikari whispered as she reluctantly returned Asuka's smile. The two stood staring at each other for a few moments before the class rep continued. "I have to stop by to the principal's office before the afternoon session...so I better go." Hikari turned and began walking toward the entrance to the school. "I'll see you in class," she called out as she broke into a faster pace, clutching her bento box leftovers to her chest.
Asuka watched as the girl ran off into the school and wondered if she truly had to go to the principal's office or simply wanted to be alone to sulk.
The concern for her best friend was short lived as a new image entered her field of vision.
She dug her heels into the ground and swallowed hard as the emotionless visage of Rei Ayanami approached. The two held each other's gaze, locked and unblinking. Soon Rei was standing directly in front of Asuka, her vermilion eyes captured in Asuka's sky blue.
"Hello, Wondergirl," Asuka said, striking first. She may have promised Shinji to be nice to the First, but she never agreed to call her Rei.
"Good afternoon, Pilot Sohryu." She may have promised Shinji to try and open up to the Second, but she never agreed to call her Asuka.
Pleasantries now completed the two stood nose to nose, Asuka's glare returned by Rei's blank, emotionless stare.
"I would like to have a word with you," Rei reluctantly started.
"Sure, why not," Asuka said turning away from the First in mock annoyance. "It's a free country."
Rei shook her head. "Actually," Rei corrected her, "given the total authority which NERV possesses over the city of Tokyo-3 in specific and the country of Japan in general, a better classification would be a totalitarian government. With Commander Ikari as the leader, of course."
"Of course," Asuka sighed as she slapped her forehead. "What was I thinking?"
Rei stared at the redhead curiously as she spoke again. "Given these facts would you still wish to speak with me?"
The German girl shook her fists in frustration. "What do you want?" she grumbled through her gnashing teeth.
"I would like to inquire about your long term plans," the blue haired girl said unfazed by the other's attempt at intimidation. "Specifically regarding your relationship with Ikari."
"What's the matter," Asuka smiled conceitedly, "are you jealous?"
Rei cocked her head just a bit as paused to she think about her answer. "I am not sure if I understand exactly what it is to be jealous."
"My God," Asuka laughed, "you don't know what jealousy is?"
"I...," Rei started as she lowered her head to stare at the ground beneath Asuka's feet. "I am having difficulty sorting through my emotions."
Now it was the Second's turn to pause. For the doll to mention feeling any emotions was a surprise. Perhaps she was human after all, and not some evil clone born and raised in a glass tube as Asuka had always suspected.
"What relationship with Shinji?" she said, returning to the original question and trying to distance herself from thinking of Rei as a human. Complete with emotions. "What are you stupid? He's nothing but a boring little boy. No way would I get involved with him."
"I was under the impression that you were...dating," Rei returned calmly as she looked up to catch sight of Asuka's shocked appearance. "If this information is incorrect I shall inform the others of the truth." That said Rei turned and prepared to walk away before a hand grabbed her shoulder and held her firm.
"Wait," Asuka said as she pulled Ayanami around to face her again. "I...I may have spoken too quickly before. Truth be told, Shinji and I are going out...I...I just didn't want to go around telling everybody."
"I see," Rei responded with a slight nod.
The Second Child was melting under the First's gaze as it seemed to be looking right through her lies and deceptions. Asuka was feeling quite uncomfortable at being the object of scrutiny, and she tried to divert the attention away from herself.
"Why do you care?" Asuka said indignantly.
"Ikari is a good person," she said quietly. "I would be displeased to see him harmed physically...or emotionally."
"What the hell are you trying to say, Wondergirl?" Asuka yelled through her scowl. Rei turned her head away in an effort to avoid the verbal assault. "Are you saying that pathetic, spineless, little dork is too good for me? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
Rei continued to look away as she spoke. "He is not your personal plaything. He has feelings as well."
"That's funny," Asuka said as she stepped back from the Unit 00 pilot and bent over in exaggerated laughter. "The doll telling me about feelings."
"I am not a doll," Rei whispered as a slight grimace formed on her face.
"Sure you're not a doll," Asuka replied sarcastically. "The fact that you can't even figure out if you are jealous or not is completely normal."
"As I indicated before," the First said softly, her lips curving down slightly at the corners. "I am having difficulty understanding my own emotions."
"Let me see if I can help you," Asuka smiled.
She stepped forward and stuck her head around to examine Rei's back. After a few moments, the Unit 02 pilot was again standing in front of the First.
"Well I couldn't find the drawstring so I guess you run on batteries," Asuka muttered as her mouth upturned into a wry grin. "And I didn't see any emotions "on" switch, so I guess the reason you can't figure out your feelings because you weren't programmed to have any."
Rei watched as Asuka crossed her arms on her chest and closed her eyes, a smile a triumph plastered on her face. Her red eyes narrowed very slightly as she spoke. "I may still have difficulty," she said, her tone startling Asuka with its quiet force. "But concerning Ikari, I understand my feelings perfectly."
Asuka looked visibly shaken as Rei continued to stare at her, the grimace never leaving her expression. After a brief pause she finally addressed the First's shocking revelation.
"So...so you are saying you like Shinji?"
"Yes," Rei nodded as the scowl turned to a slight smile. "I care for him greatly." Asuka could only stand in stunned silence as the other girl continued. "I will be watching him closely," Rei said as she turned and walked away.
---------
Seven days and seven nights...and seven defeats.
The mental scorecard was quite apparent as Misato drove out of the final checkpoint at NERV headquarters. The string of consecutive losses was a testament to her underestimation of the enemy, an unexpected mistake that was inexcusable given her position as Operations Director. After all, how could she successfully devise radical and groundbreaking strategies to deal with an alien menace like the Angels, and yet be completely overwhelmed by a teenage girl?
Yet now she drove with a purpose. Weaving in and out of the afternoon rush hour traffic, she glanced up to adjust her rearview mirror. The smiling face that greeted her conveyed her growing sense of confidence as she carefully reviewed each and every facet of her plan, mentally confirming that she had left nothing to chance.
A quick toot of her horn warned a careless biker as she continued home, content that after tonight's exchange, Asuka's New World Order would be smashed and normalcy would again reign over the Katsuragi household. Misato almost felt pity for the two Children, sitting home unaware of the fate that would befall them.
Her blaring horn trumpeting her return to dominance, Misato veered sharply to the left as she used the sidewalk as a convenient detour around a slow moving police car.
---------
"This place is really great," Shinji commented as he gazed in awe at the ambiance of the room. Located at the top of one of the city's tallest buildings, its unencumbered views were truly breathtaking. These brilliant views of the city were matched by the elegance of the decor. Though there were quite a few tables, their arrangement combined with the size of the lounge offered the patrons a sense of privacy, accentuated by the dim house lights and flickering of the candles present on each table. The Bistro de Second Impact truly was one of the finest restaurants in all of Tokyo-3. A fact seemingly not lost on the boy nor his uncharacteristically quiet girlfriend as they stood in the large window watching the city lights below.
"Why thank you, Shinji," Misato replied, still able to convey some sense of emotion in the statement though she had repeated it for the fourth time now. She sat quietly at the table, sipping her rum and coke as she watched the two Children point to various landmarks about the city, Shinji offering the obligatory, 'Hey I can see my home from here.' She smiled after Asuka whacked the back of his head and admonished him that he was in fact pointing to a ramen stand, on the opposite side of town.
"So," Asuka said as she turned away from the view and returned to her seat. "What's with the fancy getup?"
"Well," Misato said as she watched Shinji also return to his seat next to Asuka. "One week together is a major milestone. I wanted to help you celebrate."
Asuka mentally kicked herself for not noticing the connection earlier, especially after Hikari had already mentioned it. She had felt uneasy about the dinner invitation right from the start, and now it seemed that her apprehension was well founded.
"Thanks just the same, but I would have preferred to spend this special night with my special little guy," she cooed as she glanced over at Shinji. She had quickly raised her defenses and in her attempt to return to "loving girlfriend" mode, she overshot and entered "annoying, sugary, syrupy, gibberish" mode.
Nausea swept across the table, Asuka and Misato both seemed to cringe and Shinji just shook his head.
"How...nice," Misato commented, the bile and rum tickling at the back of her throat. As sickening as it sounded, she decided to add a little romantic mush as well. "You are so cute together."
The net sum of all the warm and fuzzy feelings at the table left Misato drained as she polished off the rest of her drink. Much more of this and she was either going to jump out of window or need an injection of insulin. Patience, Misato thought to herself as she glanced down at her watch, Asuka's hour was now at hand.
"At first I thought you two were just playing some elaborate trick on me," the Major said without glancing up from the table, "but now I can see I owe you an apology. I'm sorry." She absently fumbled with her fork as she paused for dramatic effect. "Cupid's arrow has found your hearts, I guess you two are truly in love. Tonight is a payback for me doubting you and treating you both so badly the past week "
Asuka turned to Shinji as he did the same, both shocked by Misato's comments. Try as she might, the redhead could not hide the contented smile that overcame her. Not a conciliatory speech for the ages, but as an admission of surrender it seemed adequate. She settled back in her chair, putting her hands up behind her head in triumph.
Suddenly another thought entered her mind. With Misato now defeated what about her and Shinji? With their guardian now beaten, there would be no reason to continue her ruse of going out with him. The choice seemed simple, end her "occupation" of the Third and continue on as if nothing had happened. Still, what would he do if she suddenly pulled up camp and left him? There were still hostile forces in the area like The Stooge Armies, not to mention the dreaded Blue Menace who might move in if her influence was removed. She was too engrossed in her post war strategy to notice two shadowy figures enter the restaurant and begin walking towards them.
"Let's have a toast." Misato lifted her water glass as a subtle smile formed on her face. She had not missed the arrival of the approaching duo. After all she had invited them.
Shinji and Asuka held raised their glasses and awaited some meaningful words from their guardian. Misato continued to hold her glass up high as she silently cursed the elderly couple who had the audacity to stand and attempt to leave, thus blocking the advance of her secret weapons.
"Um...Misato?" Asuka said, her patience running thin. "Today."
"Ah...yes...sorry," Misato stammered, trying her best to stall. "Hey, you two should be holding hands." The teens looked at one another and shrugged, then cautiously grasped hands before again turning toward the violet-haired older woman. She did not return their gaze, instead watching her reinforcements as they were still trapped by the ancient twosome. Contemplating whether a rolling tackle on the old bat would be excessive, she returned to her delaying tactics.
"In the quiet moments like this, it's apparent what great kids you are," Misato said as she again looked at the Children. "And as my mother used to say, love is a many splendored thing...of course that was right before she left my father and..."
"Dammit Misato, are you going to give us a toast or not !?"
"Sorry Asuka." Misato cleared her throat and continued. "A toast...to the best couple in all of Tokyo-3."
"Best couple of what?"
"KAJI!" Asuka squealed instinctively as she turned to face the source of the voice. "What are you doing here?" she added jumping up and leaving Shinji's hand holding thin air.
"I heard there was a party and I never miss a good party." The older man approached the table and smiled. He was dressed in a double breasted dark blue sports jacket blazer and dark slacks, his long brown hair pulled back into its usual ponytail. He took Misato's hand and planted a quick kiss on it before she pulled it away.
"You're late," Misato grumbled.
"It's fashionable," he said with a grin before turning to face the only other person he had not addressed. "Hi Shinji."
"Hello Kaji," Shinji whispered as he acknowledged the greeting and returned his glass and empty hand to the table.
"Good evening Ikari." Rei, dressed in her standard school uniform, stepped out from behind the eternally unshaven man. "Hello Major Katsuragi, Pilot Sohryu."
"Why Rei what a surprise," Misato said sarcastically as she slapped Kaji hand away. "How nice of you to join us, don't you think so, Shinji?"
"I was under the assumption from your earlier message that my presence here was required."
"Ha ha," Misato chuckled and quickly looked at Kaji. "Why don't you sit down? Kaji you sit next to Asuka and Rei, you sit over here next to Shinji."
"So Kaji, what brings you out tonight?" Asuka said as she eyed Shinji helping Rei into her chair.
"NERV intelligence reported some very attractive single young ladies all alone without protection and sent me to investigate," Kaji said with a grin as he ended his comments with a wink at Shinji.
"Kaji, I'm a boy."
"I KNOW that," the stubble chinned man groaned, shaking his head at just how much the boy needed to learn about male bonding.
"And Major Katsuragi should no longer be considered young." Misato cast an evil glare over at Rei, who was carefully arranging her napkin in her lap.
"You look ravishing as usual, Asuka," Kaji said through his trademark crooked smile. "It's been a while since I have seen you. Anything new?"
Kaji sighed as Asuka began to prattle on about sync rates and test scores. His gaze subtly shifted off the Second Child and onto the Operations Director. Giving himself the mental order to bring the charisma engines online, he prepared to unleash the full power of the Kaji charm to bear on the lovely Major Katsuragi.
Misato was far too preoccupied to even notice his gaze. She was busy listening to Asuka's ramblings, or better yet the one subject that she failed to mention. It was time to bring the lambs to the slaughter. Mentally she gazed over the control panel in her mind, skipping over the Katsuragi Maneuver button and depressing the newly installed Misato's Counterattack one. "Sorry to interrupt, but Asuka why don't you tell Kaji the really big news."
The Unit 02 pilot looked back at her quizzically as she reviewed in her mind all the Kaji newsworthy events. Deeming none of them nearly as important as her personal best sync ratio she prepared to continue when the truth finally hit her. She suddenly turned pale as the realization of her situation crept in, her mind now ablaze analyzing every possible contingency plan in an effort to stave off a crushing defeat.
Misato smirked as she noticed the panicked look in Asuka's eyes. Without mercy she unleashed the dogs of war. "Asuka and Shinji are a couple now. They're going out," she said happily as she turned to Kaji. "We are hear celebrating their one week anniversary."
"That's nice."
Kaji's attention span being what is was, Misato could have said Asuka was carrying Shinji's child of love and he wouldn't have reacted any different.
She's checking me out, Kaji thought to himself as he returned her smile, anxious to try and skip ahead to the bedsheet Olympics that always seemed to follow when his charm was on. And he knew the engines were at flank speed as he navigated through the stormy seas, which comprised his relationship with the Major.
Misato continued to smile at the spy, figuring that yet again he was relating his love life to commanding Japanese warships. He was as predictable as a sunrise and the fact that his lower brain was firmly in control again didn't matter. After all, the comment may have been directed to him, but it's true target sat directly across from her and was looking very ill while nervously playing with her auburn hair.
"The Children are in love, doesn't it make you jealous."
The secret agent returned to his senses as Misato had chosen her words very carefully. Achilles had his heal, vampires had sunlight, and Rouji Kaji had the word 'love.' She was painfully aware of the effect this word had on him.
"So, you two are going out?" he said as he smiled over at the two. "I guess congratulations are in order."
Shinji returned the smile while Asuka just continued to stare at Misato, a steady flow of invisible daggers flying across the table. "It's so cute Kaji. You HAVE to see them kiss. Come on you two, let's have an anniversary smooch."
"Misato," Asuka complained, "I don't think this is the proper place for such displays of affection."
"Come on Asuka, don't be shy. Give your man a nice big wet one. You don't seem to have a problem at home."
"Yes, Sohryu. Please demonstrate your affection for Ikari," Rei said, providing Misato an unexpected ally. Soon all eyes were on the blue haired girl as she stared blankly back at Asuka. "I agree. I am interested in this...kissing."
"Well...um," Asuka stammered trying to regain her composure after the unexpected comment from the First. "Home or not, I just don't think it's appropriate to kiss in public for the amusement of you perverts." She picked up her menu as a shield, pretending to find great interest in the cuisine available for 900 yen and less.
"Asuka, you really should kiss. It is your anniversary and all." Kaji smiled contentedly as he watched Shinji ease closer to his girlfriend. It felt good to help out a fellow guy and as long as SOMEONE was getting some action, his mission in life was accomplished. Besides, he thought, Misato might let him do the same to her if he took her side.
The three spectators watching for different reasons, the Second and Third closed their eyes and leaned in towards one another, lips puckered in anticipation of the joining.
"I just remembered," Asuka said as she opened her eyes and rapidly pulled away. "I don't feel good. I think I have a fever."
"You look fine to me," Misato replied skeptically.
The Unit 02 pilot shook her head rapidly. "No, I'm sick. In fact I think I might have mono."
The Major cast a suspicious eye on the girl, but elected to let it go. Her plan was proceeding as well as she could have hoped, and at this point the kiss wasn't all that important. Misato switched tactics as she spoke again. "How considerate of you to think about Shinji's health. You must really love him...Kaji, Rei, did you both see how Asuka is always thinking about him?"
Kaji nodded before he spoke. "Shinji, you sure are a lucky guy. I wish I had someone to care about me like that." The three Children jumped as Misato slammed her fist to the table and mumbled something about him not being worthy of such a relationship. "Anyway," he reluctantly started again, a visibly agitated Misato staring at him and clenching her steak knife. "Asuka, what made you decided to finally start going out with Shinji? It's been obvious for quite a while that you were attracted to him, but still..." he said as a simple frown grew on his face. "I always figured you would save yourself for me."
His hung dog appearance and sarcastic tone was abundantly obvious to everyone at the table, everyone that is except for one.
"We're not technically going out," Asuka leaned forward and whispered softly praying that only Kaji could hear.
"What do you mean, you're not technically going out?" Misato exclaimed. She had heard everything because she had been expecting it all along. "Are you telling me this is some type of elaborate game you two are playing?"
"I'm not saying that," Asuka said now sitting up straight and facing her guardian.
"Then what ARE you saying?" Misato replied, pressing the attack. She was determined to topple the house of cards that was the Shinji and Asuka "relationship".
"I don't know." Asuka tried to hold Misato's glare, but soon was forced to look away in disgust.
"Listen. It's a simple question. Yes or no. Are you going out with Shinji?"
"I...I...I have to go to the bathroom," Asuka said, her voice threatening to break at any moment.
"Bathroom?" Misato asked, quite surprised at the Second's answer. She looked at the girl for a moment then continued forward. "You can go to the bathroom right after you clear up whether or not you and Shinji are a couple."
Asuka began fidgeting in her seat, squirming around and placing her hands between her legs. "I have to go to bathroom. I'll tell you when I get back, or do you want me to make a mess?"
Misato glanced across the lounge to the restrooms. They were far enough from the front door that sneaking out would be noticed, and being on the top floor of a skyscraper eliminated the possibility of climbing out the window. Still, Asuka was a pretty resourceful girl...an escort seemed appropriate.
"Actually, I have to go to the bathroom too. We can go together." Misato smiled as she stood and followed her charge.
Kaji watched the pair leave over his glass as he enjoyed a drink. "Good job Shinji," he said while placing the beverage back down on the table.
"Thanks...for what?"
"For helping Asuka break down some of the walls she has put up around her heart. Deep down she's a good kid and I'm glad to see her finally start to be happy." Kaji took another sip of his drink before continuing his train of thought. "Funny though, I could always see that she had a little something for you, it was subtle but always there, but I figured you were to timid and shy to expose her. I guess I was wrong about you."
"I'm sorry," Shinji said as he hung his head in shame. "But we aren't really going out. This is all just some scheme that Asuka came up with to get back at Misato."
"Really?" Kaji exclaimed as he stared at the nodding Shinji before turning to Rei. "Did you know about this too?"
"Yes," Rei replied with a slight nod.
"Wow," Kaji said, shaking his head in amazement. "Some kinda secret agent I am when 15 year old kids can outfox me. I really need to get a new line of work before I get myself killed." He raised his glass to his mouth and began drinking again.
"Mr. Kaji, the Second basically admitted it was not a genuine relationship when she refused to kiss Ikari just a few moments ago. Surely you must have picked up on that?"
"Actually Rei, I would have picked up on it, but I was preoccupied," Kaji said as he unleashed one of his patented smiles yet again.
Rei nodded in agreement. "Understood. Based on the direction and your viewing angle, you were much too interested in Major Katsuragi's breasts to listen to Pilot Sohryu."
Kaji cocked his head a bit and stared at the First as she only blinked back in response. "You're mistaken Rei," he chuckled, "I was not checking out Misato's breasts. Even with the plunging neckline on that low cut dress..."
Rei shook her head. "I am sorry Mr. Kaji, but you were."
"Was not."
"You were."
"This is silly," Kaji said softly as he rearranged his silverware. "Rei, I was not staring at Misato's breasts. I don't treat women as objects."
"You did."
"Did not."
"You did."
"Did not." Kaji said, gritting his teeth much like a certain redhead usually did when dealing with the Unit 00 pilot. "So, Rei," he continued before the girl had a chance to respond, "have you checked out the menu yet? They make a fine prime rib here."
"I do not like meat."
"Yeah...okay." Shinji could swear he saw the words TILT in the older man's eyes as the ponytailed superspy turned to face him. "So let me get this straight, you get to hold hands and kiss Asuka but you aren't going out?" Watching the boy nod his head, Kaji continued. "You lucky bastard."
"Huh?" came Shinji's bewildered reply.
"I was commenting how lucky you are. You're making out with a beautiful woman and not having to deal with all the baggage that comes with a serious relationship. I wish more women would do that."
"I don't feel lucky," Shinji sighed as he frowned and hung his head. "It's just another person using me for their own gains."
"That's true," Kaji said with a smile, "but I say enjoy it while you can." He took a moment to glance over at Rei who seemed to be too engrossed in the menu to be paying any attention to the conversation. Still, Kaji leaned forward as he whispered to Shinji. "If it bothers you so much, I say use them right back." He stole one last quick glance at the First and lowered his volume even more as he continued. "First thing you need to do is determine your ultimate goal. Then figure out how to get there. Next you decide which person or people can best help you reach that goal. Remember Shinji, the key is the goal. Always remember what your goal is and then make it happen."
"I don't know Kaji. I've never used anybody in my life. I don't know how."
"For you it should be easy," the older man said after leaning in still closer and lowering his voice until it was barely audible even to Shinji. "Your mother and father were masters at manipulating people. Two of the best I've ever seen. So I figure that it's in the Ikari blood."
"Mr. Kaji has a valid point," Rei said causing both men at the table to jump. "Genetics may aid in your attempts, Ikari."
"Why...why thanks Rei," Kaji stammered as he tried to calmly slip back into his seat. "My grandfather had charm, my father had charm, and well, you know me," he said with a wink as he looked at the blue haired beauty.
"Of course the basis of genetics is mutation and variation. That may explain what has happened to you."
"What did you say?"
"And just because I am currently the only female at the table does not mean you need to examine my breasts as you did Major Katsuragi's. Your actions are inappropriate and appear to be setting a bad example for Ikari. I would ask that both of you look me in the face when addressing me in the future."
"Sorry," Shinji blushed.
"It is an interesting theory. Your father has very little difficulty using persons for his own gains." Rei paused for a moment of silent reflection. "I know this quite well. Perhaps you also would not."
"I'll give it some thought," Shinji replied as he smiled at Rei, "and I think I have a goal. But I would hope that I can achieve it without using anybody."
"I hope you can," Kaji said as he turned his head to catch sight of the approaching women. "But keep it open as an option."
"Perhaps I will," Shinji said as he too saw Misato and Asuka returning. "Kaji, please don't tell Misato about any of this. Asuka would kill me if she found out I told."
"Don't worry Shinji," the older man whispered as he tapped temple with his finger. "Your secret is safe up here."
"Thanks," the Third said as he quickly turned determine if Misato or Asuka was yet close enough to hear him. Judging he was almost out of time, Shinji leaned forward and whispered. "K...Kaji, could I ask one last favor? Could you try to get Misato out of here? I think Asuka has been through enough for one night."
"I guess you have a point, things can only go downhill from here. I'll try but Misato has been pretty upset with me lately. She keeps saying I don't take our relationship seriously enough. I'll see what I can do." He finished just as the Major and the Second sat back down. "Ah...ladies, everything went well I take it."
"Just fine, thanks for asking," Misato said indignantly. She carefully arranged her napkin in her lap and took a long sip of her drink, glancing over the glass at the redhead on the other side of the table. "Now, where were we?" she said as she lowered her glass to the table. "That's right, Asuka was going to tell us if she was indeed going out with Shinji or not?"
"Katsuragi," Kaji interrupted," don't you think it's a little immature to keep badgering her all night. I'm sure when you were her age you were just as shy when it came to boys."
"For you information," Misato shouted, "when I was her age I couldn't speak because of the trauma of Second Impact. Of course you would have known that if you had paid attention to a single word I've said during the past 9 years."
"That's not true Misato, and you know it."
"All I know is you have never taken our relationship seriously. Sure, I'll admit that I dumped you in college, and I have apologized for that time and time again. But I wasn't going to take a backseat to your work. My mother suffered through it for years before she finally gave up brokenhearted, and I wasn't about to let that happen to me."
"Misato, I..."
"No, let me finish. That was the past...ancient history. Times have changed, situations have changed. I've changed. Unfortunately it seems you have not. It's still the same old Ryouji Kaji. It's always some sweet talk and booze and back home to The Love Shack. Well I for one am sick of it."
Shinji and Asuka looked at one another. "The Love Shack?"
"Shut up!" Misato and Kaji screamed in unison at the two pilots before Kaji addressed Misato's comments. "I'm not the one who always drinks to much and then throws herself at me. You're impossible to figure out. I don't know whether you genuinely care or are using me for a good time."
"Don't flatter yourself Kaji," the Major scoffed, turning her head away in disgust. "You're not that good."
"That's not what you said last time," he replied.
The volume at the table increased as Misato and Kaji continued to bicker. All around them patrons stopped eating and turned their attention on the duo. The elderly woman at the next table whispered to her husband about how petulant the younger generation was. Soon all eyes were on them as their discussion threatened to overwhelm the string quartet located at the other end of the lounge.
"This is getting embarrassing," Shinji whispered to the other Pilots.
"Yeah even the music stopped," Asuka replied as she watched the musicians put down their instruments. "Though I have to admit I've never liked that song they were just playing."
"What song?" Shinji replied.
"Air," Rei interjected before Asuka could respond. "By Johan Sebastian Bach. It is considered a masterpiece of classical music."
"Masterpiece or not, I still hate that song."
"Can you stop worrying about the song and please figure out some way to get them to stop fighting," Shinji said desperately as he looked at Asuka. She however, seemed quite content in the fact that for the time being at least, Misato had a new target. Shrugging her shoulders at the boy she glanced away and explained to the elderly couple at the next table that if they wanted to continue to stare, a photograph would last much longer.
Shinji turned to the other Child at the table. Rei met Shinji's eyes calmly. 'What are you asking me, Ikari?' she thought, studying his agitated face carefully.
"Umm, so Kaji..." Shinji said awkwardly, trying to change the subject, "do you know anybody with a cat? Dr. Akagi's birthday is coming and my father wanted to know if..."
"I do not feel well..." Rei whispered suddenly, "may I please leave?"
All eyes at the table focussed on her. "We haven't even eaten yet," Misato said with a frown, "what's wrong, Rei?"
"I am... dizzy," the blue-haired pilot replied, "and my stomach is upset..."
Asuka looked over at her fellow pilot and smiled. "Oh yeah... you look pale, Wondergirl...then again you ALWAYS look pale."
Misato narrowed her eyes suspiciously. Had it been Asuka or Shinji, she would have thought it was a ploy. But Rei would never. Rei COULD never. "Ok," she sighed, "it would have been nice for you to enjoy the meal with us, but if you're not feeling well, it's best you go home."
Rei turned to Shinji. "Would you walk me home, please?"
"What?" came his astonished reply.
"Will you walk me home?" she repeated.
The Third Child blushed a bit as he stared into her ruby red eyes. "Um...well, I don't know. I mean...I still haven't eaten and..."
Rei cut him off, mid-stammer. "Ikari, please escort me home," she said, nodding slightly as her eyes pleaded with him to obey.
Shinji contemplated Rei's curious expression for a few moments before he realized her intentions. Signaling his understanding with just the barest inclination of his head as he turned to address the others at the table. "I probably SHOULD walk Rei home. After all she's not feeling well." He stood and placed his napkin on the table as he helped Rei with her chair.
"That's very gentlemanly of you Shinji," Misato said as she smiled at the boy. "It's nice to know that ALL members of the male population aren't assholes." She ended her not so subtle comment with a scowl directed at her one time boyfriend.
"Be careful Shinji," Kaji said smiling back at Misato. "You don't want to send the wrong message by trying to be a nice guy. Women are always getting the wrong idea about relationships."
"Thanks Kaji, I'll try to remember that..." Shinji replied.
"Don't listen to that idiot," Misato said as she kicked Kaji under the table. "Women know exactly what's going on and not going on in a relationship. Especially when they're being used for physical gratification."
"And gratified you always are," the pony tailed man said with a smirk as he furiously rubbed his leg.
"Not with that thing," Misato said, holding her hand up and positioning her thumb and forefinger about 4 inches apart and smiled. "That's about accurate I think."
Asuka gasped when she realized what Misato was referring to. "That's not true, is it?"
"No Asuka," Kaji said with a smile. "It's not that small."
"It is that small," Misato replied.
"Is not."
"Is too."
"Is not."
Shinji and Rei's heads turned back and forth as they watched Kaji and Misato debate.
"Well," Shinji said finally deciding to take the initiative, "we had better get going. Goodbye."
"Not so fast, Third Child," Asuka clamored over the din. "You're not going anywhere." The redhead's sudden outburst silenced the argument for the moment as everyone watched her stand and approach Rei and Shinji.
"Ikari is walking me home," Rei said as she reached down and grabbed Shinji's hand and began leading him away. "We should go."
Asuka quickly grabbed Shinji's free hand and halted their retreat. "I KNOW what you THINK he's doing, but he's not going anywhere with you!"
"Why not?" Rei questioned.
"Because...because," Asuka spluttered before finally settling on an answer, "because he's my boyfriend, that's why."
"Is he really?" Rei said quietly.
Asuka paused for a moment as she glanced over her shoulder and noticed that Misato and Kaji were both eavesdropping with a keen interest. "What are you stupid? Shinji and I are inseparable."
Rei stared at the Second Child for a few moments. "If your relationship is strong, surely you would not worry that someone could come between you?"
"Me, worry about losing Shinji to you? I think not."
"Fine, then it is settled." Rei gave Shinji's hand a strong tug and pulled him free of Asuka's hold. "Ikari and I are leaving. Goodnight Sohryu."
Asuka watched as Rei led Shinji across the restaurant and out the front door. As they disappeared from view she turned and stumbled back into her seat, the look of surprise and shock evident on her face.
"So," Misato started, trying to break the uneasy silence at the table, "I guess it's just us three."
"So it is," Kaji smiled as he put his drink down and smiled at the two females. "Now that the competition is gone I have you both all to myself."
"Give the God's Gift to Women bit a rest, will you," Misato groaned. She glanced over and noticed that Asuka was staring blankly out the window, her mind obviously on other things. "Asuka what do you want?"
The red head continued to stare out the window. "Nothing."
"Nothing?" Misato pleaded. "Come on Asuka, this is the finest restaurant in all of Tokyo-3. They've got all of your favorite dishes, you must want something."
"I'll have prime rib, medium, with a baked potato and green beans on the side."
Misato looked over to Kaji and scowled. "I don't care what YOU want."
"Sorry," he replied raising his hands in defense.
The Major turned to her charge again. "Asuka, are you sure you don't want anything?" The girl's shaking head was her silent reply. "Have it your way," Misato said as she picked up the menu and began looking it over. "You'll have to watch me eat because I'm starving." She scanned the listings of entree's and appetizers for a few moments. "I'm going to get a nice juicy steak, doesn't that sound good Asuka?"
"I'm getting the prime rib."
"I KNOW what you're getting Kaji," the violet haired woman said before turning back to face the girl. "Are you sure you don't want something?"
"The prime rib is excellent."
"Kaji, if you don't shut up about the prime rib, I'm going to punch you in the face," Misato growled.
"No, I'm not hungry," Asuka sighed and stared down at her silverware, fumbling aimlessly with the fork.
Misato turned and watched the Second as she fidgeted in her seat, her confident appearance from earlier in the night long gone.
"I'd like a prime rib, medium, with a baked potato and.."
"KAJI!" Misato screamed as grabbed her knife and turned to face him. "Would you shut up about the damn..." Her tirade was cut short as the Major noticed the waitress standing next to him scribbling out his order. "Oh...sorry about that."
The waitress gave the Major a wry grin while Kaji finished giving his order. "And what would you like Miss?" the waitress said, adding with a smile, "prime rib?"
Misato returned her smile with a mocking one of her own. "To tell you the truth," she said, her eyes squinting to read the woman's nametag, "Alice. I think we want the check for the drinks. We are leaving."
"Leaving?" Asuka asked.
"Yes, leaving. If you don't want to be here, then neither do I."
"Who said I don't want to be here?"
"It's obvious that you're upset that Shinji's gone so why don't you go find him," Misato said as Alice handed her the check.
"That little dork? He can go play with his little doll for all I care," Asuka said indignantly. "I'd rather stay and talk with Kaji."
"And I'd like my prime rib," Kaji lamented.
"You'll get nothing and like it," Misato snapped. Smiling she turned towards the Second. "And you should go find Shinji."
"I told you, I don't care what that idiot does," Asuka said softly through the frown on her face.
"But I thought you two were dating?"
Asuka gasped as what was left of her cover was finally blown. Looking over, Misato nodded slightly in agreement. "So...you know," the redhead said sheepishly.
"I've had my doubts right from the start."
"What are you going to do?"
Misato smiled as she spoke. "Well, you will both have to be punished."
"Great," Asuka sighed as she remembered previous bouts with the Major's penal system. "This would never have happened if that little moron wouldn't have left with Miss Perfect."
"But we'll address that at home later. First I really think you should go find Shinji."
"Why? He doesn't care about me and I don't care about him. We were only was pretending to like one another...I think it's obvious who he likes." Asuka lowered her head stared down at the table below. "I can't believe I lost to her," she muttered to herself softly.
The older woman watched and listened with great interest. "I know you don't care about him, but I'm ordering you to go find him."
Asuka looked at Misato incredulously. "You're ordering me?"
"Yes," Misato said in her most military tone of voice. "I'm ordering you to find Shinji and Rei. What if she collapses and Shinji needs help? I need you to be there to take charge of the situation. Strictly in a military way...nothing personal."
Asuka thought about it for a moment. "So your orders are to find them and assume command?"
"In a way, yes."
Asuka smiled as she jumped up from her chair. "Typical Wondergirl and Idiot Shinji. They are always relying on me." She quickly pushed in her chair and started for the door. "I hope they appreciate all the sacrifices I make to save their butts."
Kaji watched as Asuka ran out the restaurant. "You did a good thing right then, Misato."
"What did I do?" the Major innocently returned.
Smiling he turned back to his companion, quite elated that they were alone. "So Misato...now that the kids are gone can I offer you a drink?"
"I don't think so," Misato said as she fumbled through her purse to pay the bill.
"What's the problem now?" Kaji inquired.
"The problem is you refuse to make a commitment. Look, if you can't be mine, all mine, then I don't need you."
Kaji pondered her words as he watched her continue to rummage around. For the first time he truly worried about losing her. Perhaps it was time to say those words he had always been too afraid to say before...
"Um...Kaji," Misato said stammered as she looked up from her purse, her face awash in embarrassment. "I seem to be a little short on cash. It's funny but recently I seem to be having trouble keeping track of my money. Could you be a dear and pay the bill?"
Kaji smiled, as it seemed he would be getting a reprieve, at least for the time being. Still, he wondered as he reached into his pocket and grabbed his wallet; would he ever be able to say those words?
---------
"Hey Wondergirl," Asuka said as she stepped out from the shadows near the entrance to Rei's apartment building. Rei watched as the Unit 02 pilot panted in a desperate attempt to catch her breath. "Where's Shinji?"
"Ikari is not here."
"I can see that," Asuka replied condescendingly, "where is he?"
"He went to NERV headquarters."
"NERV? Why the hell would he go to NERV at this time of night? Is something wrong?"
"No." Asuka and Rei stared at one another for a moment before the First reached for the door. "If there is nothing else, I will be leaving now."
"One last question," Asuka said as she held the door closed with her foot. "What was with the little charade you and that moron pulled off in the restaurant all about?"
"Charade?," Rei responded with a slight cocking of her head. "I know of no deception that Ikari and I participated in."
Rei began tugging on the door while Asuka simply crossed her arms on her chest and smiled. "Listen, you're not going anywhere until I get some answers." The First Child ceased tugging on the door and turned away to face the empty street. "Don't play me for a fool. I saw the little signals you and Shinji were exchanging at the table just before you left. So I'll ask you again, what is going on?"
"Major Katsuragi's interrogation of you was becoming distressing. I decided to help."
"Wait a minute," Asuka said as she grabbed her shoulder, forcing Rei to look at her. "YOU lied to help me. I can't believe it." The redhead smiled and turned away. "I guess I should thank you. I mean it's not like I needed your help or anything but still, I should be polite."
Rei stared at Asuka curiously for a moment, an uneasy silence falling over the two. For what seemed like minutes the only sound heard was the rhythmic pounding of the pile driver at the construction site nearby. Finally the First Child prepared to enter her building.
"Oh no you don't!" the Second Child yelled as she again blocked the entrance. "You did this out of pity, didn't you? Didn't you?" Asuka raised her hand up and pointed at the First. "I don't want your pity! Do you understand me? I don't want it. You thought you saw me in trouble and you couldn't wait to show off to Shinji and the others how great you are."
"You misunderstood," Rei said softly as she lowered her head to escape Asuka's glare. "I did not purposely deceive the others for your benefit. Ikari was the one distressed. I was helping him."
Asuka's jaw dropped as Rei walked by her and into the foyer. The Second was speechless as the blue haired girl slowly closed the door behind her. Just after it was completely shut, the First heard the sound of a fist hitting the metal frame...
To Be Continued...
Next Chapter: "Switching Alliances"
This brings us to the halfway point or so in the story. Still a few twists and turns left before this journey ends. Sorry to be a bit late on this chapter, but I got a little writers block and then my internet provider went out of business so I couldn't get it preread. One thing to clear up, Kaji's name is Ryouji Kaji, his last name is Kaji, not the first. I always thought Kaji was his first name too, but Rhine corrected me on that. Thanks to Random and Rhine for prereading and a special thanks to Rhine for pointing out that I forgot Unit 04 in my original omake.
******************* OMAKE THEATER *******************
Ryoma: Well another chapter down, so here we are with omake time. I have something really good planned for this Omake Theater so let me get...
*sudden loud knocking on the door* BOOM, BOOM, BOOM
Ryoma: I wonder who that could be?
Ryoma opens the door and a large purple hand reaches through the opening and grabs him, pulling him outside.
Ryoma: Oh, hi Unit 01...um...what can I do for you?
Unit 01: Myself and the other Units here have some issues with your fic writing. *Units 00, 02, 03 and 04 step out from behind 01. Overhead the Eva Series is circling*
Ryoma: Issues? Well guys I don't really know what to say. If there is something you want me to work on , I'll do it.
Unit 02: Oh yeah, there's something you need to work on all right.
Ryoma: Sure, is it not following canon? OOC? Spelling? Grammar?
Unit 03: Shuttuap already! We's pissed you ain't used no Unit's in any of your fics, see.
Ryoma: Oh that. I'm sorry but I haven't really had the chance to use any of you guys in a fic yet.
Unit 00: Well what about this fic, it's still ongoing, right?
Ryoma: *looking nervous* Yes it is still ongoing, but...um...I really don't see any point of putting any of you in the story. It's a romantic comedy and you guys were never supposed to...ah Unit 01, you're squeezing me a bit too hard.
Unit 04: The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
Ryoma: Excuse me?
Unit 02: *draws prog knife* Not going to use us again, are you?
Ryoma: Um...I...hadn't planned on it.
Unit 03: *extends arms in threatening manner towards Ryoma* Listen here pal. We's Unit's gotta make a livin' too. As members of the Evangelion, Giant Mecha and Pipefitters Union, Local 1377, we's got exclusive rights to all Eva fics. You's gotta use us, and only us, in all Eva fics.
Unit 01: Of course if you don't write us in any fics, we don't get paid.
Unit 02: I hate not getting paid.
Unit 04: *screaming incoherently* WWAWWAWBUBBALLLLAALALLAW.
Unit 03: If I's don't get paid, I's can't put food on the table for all my little Units. Then my's kids get mad, the wife starts gettin' mad, then I start gettin' mad. You don't wanna see me's when I get mad. People's get hurt when I get mad.
Ryoma: I understand your situation...perhaps I COULD write you in this fic. I had kicked around a little idea. Let me call my assistant for the storyboards. Robyn...could you come out here...please, and bring the storyboard for the scrapped Eva sketch.
Robyn: *runs out from the office* Hey boss, here you go. By the way, that Kaworu character keeps calling and asking if you have any work for him in this fic. He's called 20 times already today. Keeps mentioning how much he loves you and stuff and is looking to get out of the yaio.
Ryoma: Tell him nothing in this fic, and if he keeps calling change the number.
*Unit 03 grabs the storyboards and looks them over*
Unit 03: Hey, this isn't bad...00, he's got you painted yellow and me green but other'n that we're all there.
Unit 00: I don't mind yellow...but what's with the different horns? Do they shoot some kind of weapons or something?
Ryoma: *shakes head* Um...no.
Unit 00: They look weird. 01, you have an upside down triangle on your head and appear to be carrying a purse?!?!? 02 you have a small circle and I have what appears to be a lightning bolt.
Unit 01: A purse! Let me see that. *quickly scans the storyboards* What the hell is a Tinky Winky?
Unit 03: Tinky Winky! Ha ha what a stupid name.
Unit 01: Don't laugh, you're Dipsy. 00, you're La La and 02, you're Po.
Unit 02: Po? Give me that...Mein Gott ! He's made us into 40 story Teletubies.
Ryoma: *struggling to free himself from Unit 01's hand* Yeah...well...you see the plan was to have the Eva's volunteered for corporate sponsorship and stuff, as a way to improve their image to the public. It could have been funny...imagine Asuka inside of Po. *Unit 02's 4 eyes light up* I mean Unit 02...Unit 02. But I scrapped the idea because it wasn't needed for the plot.
Unit 03: You's damn lucky you scrapped that. Them's guy's from the Gundam Union would have been gettin' a good laugh over that.
Unit 02: Which again means we're not in any of your fics...and we're not getting paid. I say we kill him.
Unit 00: I agree. Lets kill him and send a message to other Eva fic writers.
Unit 03: I say's we kill um, then we's torture um, then we's break his legs, then we's rough um up...then we's kill him.
Unit 01: *looking at Unit 03 and shaking its head* Idiot.
Unit 04: No, no...this will never do...no not at all. WAWWAAABBBUBUBUBA !!!
Ryoma: *turning to Unit 01 as Unit 04 scoops tons of dirt in it's monstrous hand and begins eating it.* Excuse me, but what's wrong with him?
Unit 01: He hasn't been quite right since Anno dropped him from the series. He took it pretty hard.
Unit 02: Yeah, he camped out in front of the guy's house for a week. Stepped on his dog, smashed his car...oh man you should have seen what he did to the pool.
Unit 03: *giving Unit 02 a high five* That was too funny! Ain't pulling that thing out with no pool skimmer. Man that was nasty.
Unit 01: Yes, well as you can see we other Units take care of him now. But that's not your concern, do you have any last words before I kill you?
Ryoma: I can change...I can change. I promise on the next fic you will be there. All of you. *crying* Please don't kill me...I wanna live...Asuka, Rei, Misato...father. I don't want to die.
Unit 01: Well, I always have had a soft spot in my heart for whiney kids...I'll let you go as long as you promise to write us into your next fic. *pulls Ryoma close and whispers* Be careful with 03...he's not right in the head...if you know what I mean. *Ryoma nods in agreement* Ok all that's left is to gently place you back on the ground and...
Unit 02: Hey...there's one other storyboard in here.
Ryoma: *desperate* Ah...you don't need to look at that. It's nothing...
Unit 00: This one only seems to have Unit 01 in it.
Unit 01: Well, that's better...after all I am the most powerful Unit, so I SHOULD get my own fic. You're not so bad Ryoma.
Unit 03: Lemme see that...yup it's all 01. Damn big purple bastard. This sucks. Hell, I could handle this part...all you gotta do is run around, jumping and stuff with the kids. One question though...what the hell's a Barney?
Units 00, 01, 02, and the Eva Series: BARNEY!
Unit 04: Fishy, fishy...fishy, fish.
Ryoma's head landed with a soft thunk on the ground...
A division of Nergal Heavy Industries proudly presents:
The Best Laid Plans
Chapter Four "Misato's Counterattack"
by Ryoma
Disclaimer: Characters from Neon Genesis Evangelion have been used without permission. All characters contained in this work are copyright GAINAX, Project EVA, Movic, AD Vision and Manga Entertainment.
"Congratulations."
"Huh?" Asuka replied, the confusion evident in her voice.
The class rep and the Eva pilot were enjoying a relaxing lunch under a beautiful midday sun in the school courtyard as in the distance the Three Stooges frolicked as only Stooges could.
"What are you talking about?" Asuka continued, placing her now empty bento box on the ground.
"You and Shinji's one week anniversary, that's what." Hikari said excitedly.
"Has it been a week already?" Asuka asked aloud. Ignoring the class rep's excited nods, she pondered how an entire week had escaped her attention.
"Then I guess it's true what they say about time standing still when you are in love," the class rep said before frowning and turning away.
She wasn't quite fast enough as Asuka caught sight of her change of expression. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Hikari whispered, keeping her back to the redhead as she stared out at the boys in the distance. "Nothing at all."
Asuka stood in silent contemplation as she wondered what triggered Hikari's sudden mood change. She had been acting strange ever since the Second and the Third announced their relationship. In the beginning she seemed genuinely happy, but over the past few days it appeared that something was troubling her best friend and bringing her down. "Hey Hikari, do you want to do to the mall with me tonight?"
"No," came the soft reply.
"How about coming over and studying together?" she said. "We've got that big test next week."
Asuka gazed at the back of Hikari's head as she watched the brown-haired girl shake it back and forth, her flopping pigtails exaggerating the movement. "No."
"Is there anything you want to do together?" Asuka sighed. She pushed the bento box around with her foot as she awaited an answer. After a minute of receiving nothing other than silence she pressed on. "What's your problem?!?! Jeez, what did I do that you're so mad at me for?"
Hikari turned around, the pained expression from before still etched across her freckled face. "It's nothing you did. Honest," she said shrugging the comment off. "I just don't feel comfortable hanging out with you and Shinji right now, that's all."
"Shinji?" Asuka exclaimed, "what does Shinji have to do with this?"
"I figured you would want to spend your free time with him. He is your boyfriend after all."
Asuka thought long and hard on that statement, Hikari giving her a puzzled stare at the long silence. "Yes, that's right," she finally responded somewhat reluctantly. "He is my...boyfriend. But what difference does that make? You used to always come out with both of us before."
"But now that you are a couple, everything has changed. Before we were all just friends, hanging out, and stuff. But now I would just be in the way." Asuka prepared to explain how ridiculous that idea was, but was cut short as Hikari turned away before she had a chance to start. "You really are lucky," Hikari said as she resumed watching the students standing under the large cherry tree that dominated the courtyard. Particularly a certain boy wearing a jogging suit.
"Lucky?" Asuka questioned as she stepped forward next to her friend.
"Yes lucky. You have a great guy who spends time with you, worships the ground you walk on, takes care and protects you from harm." Asuka stared out at the distant image of Hikari's praise as he shared a laugh with his friends. Her thoughts were on the girl's words, attempting to determine if in fact they were as true as they seemed on first review. The class rep took a deep breath followed by a defeatist sigh. "I wish I could find someone who would treat me like that."
Hikari's words snapped the Second Child out of her silent contemplation. The hurting tone in her friend's voice was unmistakable and Asuka left her own thoughts to focus on helping her friend. Still, in the back of her mind she made a mental note to revisit the issue of the Third Child. The words about him seemed to clash with the Shinji Ikari that she knew. "There must be somebody you like," Asuka said. "What about that new kid? Hayato. He seems kind of cute."
"No," Hikari returned abruptly. She stared down at the ground for a moment before speaking again. "There is ONE person I sort of like."
Asuka put her hand on her chin and began putting her genius IQ to work. Try as she might she could not avoid the obvious answer. After a minute of silent denial, she frowned and put her arms on her best friend's shoulders. "Please tell me it's not him," Asuka said as she shook the girl, "not HIM!"
"Touji...never!" Hikari said as her face flushed a fine shade of crimson.
"Well that's a relief," Asuka sighed as a broad smile formed on her face. She watched as the other girl frowned and lowered her head, obviously upset at her friend's words.
"Oh my God, so you DO like him," Asuka clamored. "Have I taught you nothing?"
"Yes," Hikari whispered as she nodded her head in agreement. "But...he's...out of...my...league," Hikari stammered, still fighting to contain her blush.
Asuka smirked at her friend's modesty. "Well if by out of your league you mean too good for him, I would have to agree." Her grin changed to a frown as she continued, "but since for some strange reason you seem to like the idiot, why don't you ask him out?"
"It's not that easy Asuka, " Hikari exclaimed, still shocked that her secret had been revealed. "I just can't ask him out. What if he says no? I'll be crushed."
Asuka crossed her arms on her chest. "He may be a moron but he isn't stupid. Of course he is going to say yes."
"You don't know for sure he'll say yes, do you?" she asked excitedly.
Asuka shook her head. "I don't know for SURE he will say yes..."
"See, I knew it," Hikari said through her frown. "It doesn't matter anyway, I'm too afraid to ask."
"I guess I could ask him for you," Asuka said grudgingly. "He may be a boob, but you are my friend so..."
Hikari reached out and forcibly grabbed Asuka's upper arm. "Don't you DARE!" she exclaimed. Both girls looked down in shock as the class rep's hand was still clutching the German girl's arm. "Sorry," Hikari said as she quickly released it. "If you ask him out for me I'll never speak to you again." Asuka looked into her best friend's eyes, the brown orbs a mixture of fear and shame as they blinked in defiance of the Second Child's will. "I mean it Asuka, don't get involved. I don't want your help."
As Hikari watched the redhead nod in agreement to her every word, it became very obvious that Asuka was going to act against her wishes. "I want you to promise me you won't do anything."
"Yeah sure I promise," Asuka casually replied.
"Asuka!" Hikari said, sensing the insincerity in her voice. "I swear I'll stop being your friend if you break this promise."
The Unit 02 pilot gave serious thought to calling her friend's bluff, but eventually decided that the class rep's friendship was too important to lose over something as stupid as Touji Suzahara. "I promise," Asuka said as she raised her right hand. "It's not like I WANT you two to get together. I just thought you needed some help. I have NO problem if you never ask him out."
"Thanks," Hikari whispered as she reluctantly returned Asuka's smile. The two stood staring at each other for a few moments before the class rep continued. "I have to stop by to the principal's office before the afternoon session...so I better go." Hikari turned and began walking toward the entrance to the school. "I'll see you in class," she called out as she broke into a faster pace, clutching her bento box leftovers to her chest.
Asuka watched as the girl ran off into the school and wondered if she truly had to go to the principal's office or simply wanted to be alone to sulk.
The concern for her best friend was short lived as a new image entered her field of vision.
She dug her heels into the ground and swallowed hard as the emotionless visage of Rei Ayanami approached. The two held each other's gaze, locked and unblinking. Soon Rei was standing directly in front of Asuka, her vermilion eyes captured in Asuka's sky blue.
"Hello, Wondergirl," Asuka said, striking first. She may have promised Shinji to be nice to the First, but she never agreed to call her Rei.
"Good afternoon, Pilot Sohryu." She may have promised Shinji to try and open up to the Second, but she never agreed to call her Asuka.
Pleasantries now completed the two stood nose to nose, Asuka's glare returned by Rei's blank, emotionless stare.
"I would like to have a word with you," Rei reluctantly started.
"Sure, why not," Asuka said turning away from the First in mock annoyance. "It's a free country."
Rei shook her head. "Actually," Rei corrected her, "given the total authority which NERV possesses over the city of Tokyo-3 in specific and the country of Japan in general, a better classification would be a totalitarian government. With Commander Ikari as the leader, of course."
"Of course," Asuka sighed as she slapped her forehead. "What was I thinking?"
Rei stared at the redhead curiously as she spoke again. "Given these facts would you still wish to speak with me?"
The German girl shook her fists in frustration. "What do you want?" she grumbled through her gnashing teeth.
"I would like to inquire about your long term plans," the blue haired girl said unfazed by the other's attempt at intimidation. "Specifically regarding your relationship with Ikari."
"What's the matter," Asuka smiled conceitedly, "are you jealous?"
Rei cocked her head just a bit as paused to she think about her answer. "I am not sure if I understand exactly what it is to be jealous."
"My God," Asuka laughed, "you don't know what jealousy is?"
"I...," Rei started as she lowered her head to stare at the ground beneath Asuka's feet. "I am having difficulty sorting through my emotions."
Now it was the Second's turn to pause. For the doll to mention feeling any emotions was a surprise. Perhaps she was human after all, and not some evil clone born and raised in a glass tube as Asuka had always suspected.
"What relationship with Shinji?" she said, returning to the original question and trying to distance herself from thinking of Rei as a human. Complete with emotions. "What are you stupid? He's nothing but a boring little boy. No way would I get involved with him."
"I was under the impression that you were...dating," Rei returned calmly as she looked up to catch sight of Asuka's shocked appearance. "If this information is incorrect I shall inform the others of the truth." That said Rei turned and prepared to walk away before a hand grabbed her shoulder and held her firm.
"Wait," Asuka said as she pulled Ayanami around to face her again. "I...I may have spoken too quickly before. Truth be told, Shinji and I are going out...I...I just didn't want to go around telling everybody."
"I see," Rei responded with a slight nod.
The Second Child was melting under the First's gaze as it seemed to be looking right through her lies and deceptions. Asuka was feeling quite uncomfortable at being the object of scrutiny, and she tried to divert the attention away from herself.
"Why do you care?" Asuka said indignantly.
"Ikari is a good person," she said quietly. "I would be displeased to see him harmed physically...or emotionally."
"What the hell are you trying to say, Wondergirl?" Asuka yelled through her scowl. Rei turned her head away in an effort to avoid the verbal assault. "Are you saying that pathetic, spineless, little dork is too good for me? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
Rei continued to look away as she spoke. "He is not your personal plaything. He has feelings as well."
"That's funny," Asuka said as she stepped back from the Unit 00 pilot and bent over in exaggerated laughter. "The doll telling me about feelings."
"I am not a doll," Rei whispered as a slight grimace formed on her face.
"Sure you're not a doll," Asuka replied sarcastically. "The fact that you can't even figure out if you are jealous or not is completely normal."
"As I indicated before," the First said softly, her lips curving down slightly at the corners. "I am having difficulty understanding my own emotions."
"Let me see if I can help you," Asuka smiled.
She stepped forward and stuck her head around to examine Rei's back. After a few moments, the Unit 02 pilot was again standing in front of the First.
"Well I couldn't find the drawstring so I guess you run on batteries," Asuka muttered as her mouth upturned into a wry grin. "And I didn't see any emotions "on" switch, so I guess the reason you can't figure out your feelings because you weren't programmed to have any."
Rei watched as Asuka crossed her arms on her chest and closed her eyes, a smile a triumph plastered on her face. Her red eyes narrowed very slightly as she spoke. "I may still have difficulty," she said, her tone startling Asuka with its quiet force. "But concerning Ikari, I understand my feelings perfectly."
Asuka looked visibly shaken as Rei continued to stare at her, the grimace never leaving her expression. After a brief pause she finally addressed the First's shocking revelation.
"So...so you are saying you like Shinji?"
"Yes," Rei nodded as the scowl turned to a slight smile. "I care for him greatly." Asuka could only stand in stunned silence as the other girl continued. "I will be watching him closely," Rei said as she turned and walked away.
---------
Seven days and seven nights...and seven defeats.
The mental scorecard was quite apparent as Misato drove out of the final checkpoint at NERV headquarters. The string of consecutive losses was a testament to her underestimation of the enemy, an unexpected mistake that was inexcusable given her position as Operations Director. After all, how could she successfully devise radical and groundbreaking strategies to deal with an alien menace like the Angels, and yet be completely overwhelmed by a teenage girl?
Yet now she drove with a purpose. Weaving in and out of the afternoon rush hour traffic, she glanced up to adjust her rearview mirror. The smiling face that greeted her conveyed her growing sense of confidence as she carefully reviewed each and every facet of her plan, mentally confirming that she had left nothing to chance.
A quick toot of her horn warned a careless biker as she continued home, content that after tonight's exchange, Asuka's New World Order would be smashed and normalcy would again reign over the Katsuragi household. Misato almost felt pity for the two Children, sitting home unaware of the fate that would befall them.
Her blaring horn trumpeting her return to dominance, Misato veered sharply to the left as she used the sidewalk as a convenient detour around a slow moving police car.
---------
"This place is really great," Shinji commented as he gazed in awe at the ambiance of the room. Located at the top of one of the city's tallest buildings, its unencumbered views were truly breathtaking. These brilliant views of the city were matched by the elegance of the decor. Though there were quite a few tables, their arrangement combined with the size of the lounge offered the patrons a sense of privacy, accentuated by the dim house lights and flickering of the candles present on each table. The Bistro de Second Impact truly was one of the finest restaurants in all of Tokyo-3. A fact seemingly not lost on the boy nor his uncharacteristically quiet girlfriend as they stood in the large window watching the city lights below.
"Why thank you, Shinji," Misato replied, still able to convey some sense of emotion in the statement though she had repeated it for the fourth time now. She sat quietly at the table, sipping her rum and coke as she watched the two Children point to various landmarks about the city, Shinji offering the obligatory, 'Hey I can see my home from here.' She smiled after Asuka whacked the back of his head and admonished him that he was in fact pointing to a ramen stand, on the opposite side of town.
"So," Asuka said as she turned away from the view and returned to her seat. "What's with the fancy getup?"
"Well," Misato said as she watched Shinji also return to his seat next to Asuka. "One week together is a major milestone. I wanted to help you celebrate."
Asuka mentally kicked herself for not noticing the connection earlier, especially after Hikari had already mentioned it. She had felt uneasy about the dinner invitation right from the start, and now it seemed that her apprehension was well founded.
"Thanks just the same, but I would have preferred to spend this special night with my special little guy," she cooed as she glanced over at Shinji. She had quickly raised her defenses and in her attempt to return to "loving girlfriend" mode, she overshot and entered "annoying, sugary, syrupy, gibberish" mode.
Nausea swept across the table, Asuka and Misato both seemed to cringe and Shinji just shook his head.
"How...nice," Misato commented, the bile and rum tickling at the back of her throat. As sickening as it sounded, she decided to add a little romantic mush as well. "You are so cute together."
The net sum of all the warm and fuzzy feelings at the table left Misato drained as she polished off the rest of her drink. Much more of this and she was either going to jump out of window or need an injection of insulin. Patience, Misato thought to herself as she glanced down at her watch, Asuka's hour was now at hand.
"At first I thought you two were just playing some elaborate trick on me," the Major said without glancing up from the table, "but now I can see I owe you an apology. I'm sorry." She absently fumbled with her fork as she paused for dramatic effect. "Cupid's arrow has found your hearts, I guess you two are truly in love. Tonight is a payback for me doubting you and treating you both so badly the past week "
Asuka turned to Shinji as he did the same, both shocked by Misato's comments. Try as she might, the redhead could not hide the contented smile that overcame her. Not a conciliatory speech for the ages, but as an admission of surrender it seemed adequate. She settled back in her chair, putting her hands up behind her head in triumph.
Suddenly another thought entered her mind. With Misato now defeated what about her and Shinji? With their guardian now beaten, there would be no reason to continue her ruse of going out with him. The choice seemed simple, end her "occupation" of the Third and continue on as if nothing had happened. Still, what would he do if she suddenly pulled up camp and left him? There were still hostile forces in the area like The Stooge Armies, not to mention the dreaded Blue Menace who might move in if her influence was removed. She was too engrossed in her post war strategy to notice two shadowy figures enter the restaurant and begin walking towards them.
"Let's have a toast." Misato lifted her water glass as a subtle smile formed on her face. She had not missed the arrival of the approaching duo. After all she had invited them.
Shinji and Asuka held raised their glasses and awaited some meaningful words from their guardian. Misato continued to hold her glass up high as she silently cursed the elderly couple who had the audacity to stand and attempt to leave, thus blocking the advance of her secret weapons.
"Um...Misato?" Asuka said, her patience running thin. "Today."
"Ah...yes...sorry," Misato stammered, trying her best to stall. "Hey, you two should be holding hands." The teens looked at one another and shrugged, then cautiously grasped hands before again turning toward the violet-haired older woman. She did not return their gaze, instead watching her reinforcements as they were still trapped by the ancient twosome. Contemplating whether a rolling tackle on the old bat would be excessive, she returned to her delaying tactics.
"In the quiet moments like this, it's apparent what great kids you are," Misato said as she again looked at the Children. "And as my mother used to say, love is a many splendored thing...of course that was right before she left my father and..."
"Dammit Misato, are you going to give us a toast or not !?"
"Sorry Asuka." Misato cleared her throat and continued. "A toast...to the best couple in all of Tokyo-3."
"Best couple of what?"
"KAJI!" Asuka squealed instinctively as she turned to face the source of the voice. "What are you doing here?" she added jumping up and leaving Shinji's hand holding thin air.
"I heard there was a party and I never miss a good party." The older man approached the table and smiled. He was dressed in a double breasted dark blue sports jacket blazer and dark slacks, his long brown hair pulled back into its usual ponytail. He took Misato's hand and planted a quick kiss on it before she pulled it away.
"You're late," Misato grumbled.
"It's fashionable," he said with a grin before turning to face the only other person he had not addressed. "Hi Shinji."
"Hello Kaji," Shinji whispered as he acknowledged the greeting and returned his glass and empty hand to the table.
"Good evening Ikari." Rei, dressed in her standard school uniform, stepped out from behind the eternally unshaven man. "Hello Major Katsuragi, Pilot Sohryu."
"Why Rei what a surprise," Misato said sarcastically as she slapped Kaji hand away. "How nice of you to join us, don't you think so, Shinji?"
"I was under the assumption from your earlier message that my presence here was required."
"Ha ha," Misato chuckled and quickly looked at Kaji. "Why don't you sit down? Kaji you sit next to Asuka and Rei, you sit over here next to Shinji."
"So Kaji, what brings you out tonight?" Asuka said as she eyed Shinji helping Rei into her chair.
"NERV intelligence reported some very attractive single young ladies all alone without protection and sent me to investigate," Kaji said with a grin as he ended his comments with a wink at Shinji.
"Kaji, I'm a boy."
"I KNOW that," the stubble chinned man groaned, shaking his head at just how much the boy needed to learn about male bonding.
"And Major Katsuragi should no longer be considered young." Misato cast an evil glare over at Rei, who was carefully arranging her napkin in her lap.
"You look ravishing as usual, Asuka," Kaji said through his trademark crooked smile. "It's been a while since I have seen you. Anything new?"
Kaji sighed as Asuka began to prattle on about sync rates and test scores. His gaze subtly shifted off the Second Child and onto the Operations Director. Giving himself the mental order to bring the charisma engines online, he prepared to unleash the full power of the Kaji charm to bear on the lovely Major Katsuragi.
Misato was far too preoccupied to even notice his gaze. She was busy listening to Asuka's ramblings, or better yet the one subject that she failed to mention. It was time to bring the lambs to the slaughter. Mentally she gazed over the control panel in her mind, skipping over the Katsuragi Maneuver button and depressing the newly installed Misato's Counterattack one. "Sorry to interrupt, but Asuka why don't you tell Kaji the really big news."
The Unit 02 pilot looked back at her quizzically as she reviewed in her mind all the Kaji newsworthy events. Deeming none of them nearly as important as her personal best sync ratio she prepared to continue when the truth finally hit her. She suddenly turned pale as the realization of her situation crept in, her mind now ablaze analyzing every possible contingency plan in an effort to stave off a crushing defeat.
Misato smirked as she noticed the panicked look in Asuka's eyes. Without mercy she unleashed the dogs of war. "Asuka and Shinji are a couple now. They're going out," she said happily as she turned to Kaji. "We are hear celebrating their one week anniversary."
"That's nice."
Kaji's attention span being what is was, Misato could have said Asuka was carrying Shinji's child of love and he wouldn't have reacted any different.
She's checking me out, Kaji thought to himself as he returned her smile, anxious to try and skip ahead to the bedsheet Olympics that always seemed to follow when his charm was on. And he knew the engines were at flank speed as he navigated through the stormy seas, which comprised his relationship with the Major.
Misato continued to smile at the spy, figuring that yet again he was relating his love life to commanding Japanese warships. He was as predictable as a sunrise and the fact that his lower brain was firmly in control again didn't matter. After all, the comment may have been directed to him, but it's true target sat directly across from her and was looking very ill while nervously playing with her auburn hair.
"The Children are in love, doesn't it make you jealous."
The secret agent returned to his senses as Misato had chosen her words very carefully. Achilles had his heal, vampires had sunlight, and Rouji Kaji had the word 'love.' She was painfully aware of the effect this word had on him.
"So, you two are going out?" he said as he smiled over at the two. "I guess congratulations are in order."
Shinji returned the smile while Asuka just continued to stare at Misato, a steady flow of invisible daggers flying across the table. "It's so cute Kaji. You HAVE to see them kiss. Come on you two, let's have an anniversary smooch."
"Misato," Asuka complained, "I don't think this is the proper place for such displays of affection."
"Come on Asuka, don't be shy. Give your man a nice big wet one. You don't seem to have a problem at home."
"Yes, Sohryu. Please demonstrate your affection for Ikari," Rei said, providing Misato an unexpected ally. Soon all eyes were on the blue haired girl as she stared blankly back at Asuka. "I agree. I am interested in this...kissing."
"Well...um," Asuka stammered trying to regain her composure after the unexpected comment from the First. "Home or not, I just don't think it's appropriate to kiss in public for the amusement of you perverts." She picked up her menu as a shield, pretending to find great interest in the cuisine available for 900 yen and less.
"Asuka, you really should kiss. It is your anniversary and all." Kaji smiled contentedly as he watched Shinji ease closer to his girlfriend. It felt good to help out a fellow guy and as long as SOMEONE was getting some action, his mission in life was accomplished. Besides, he thought, Misato might let him do the same to her if he took her side.
The three spectators watching for different reasons, the Second and Third closed their eyes and leaned in towards one another, lips puckered in anticipation of the joining.
"I just remembered," Asuka said as she opened her eyes and rapidly pulled away. "I don't feel good. I think I have a fever."
"You look fine to me," Misato replied skeptically.
The Unit 02 pilot shook her head rapidly. "No, I'm sick. In fact I think I might have mono."
The Major cast a suspicious eye on the girl, but elected to let it go. Her plan was proceeding as well as she could have hoped, and at this point the kiss wasn't all that important. Misato switched tactics as she spoke again. "How considerate of you to think about Shinji's health. You must really love him...Kaji, Rei, did you both see how Asuka is always thinking about him?"
Kaji nodded before he spoke. "Shinji, you sure are a lucky guy. I wish I had someone to care about me like that." The three Children jumped as Misato slammed her fist to the table and mumbled something about him not being worthy of such a relationship. "Anyway," he reluctantly started again, a visibly agitated Misato staring at him and clenching her steak knife. "Asuka, what made you decided to finally start going out with Shinji? It's been obvious for quite a while that you were attracted to him, but still..." he said as a simple frown grew on his face. "I always figured you would save yourself for me."
His hung dog appearance and sarcastic tone was abundantly obvious to everyone at the table, everyone that is except for one.
"We're not technically going out," Asuka leaned forward and whispered softly praying that only Kaji could hear.
"What do you mean, you're not technically going out?" Misato exclaimed. She had heard everything because she had been expecting it all along. "Are you telling me this is some type of elaborate game you two are playing?"
"I'm not saying that," Asuka said now sitting up straight and facing her guardian.
"Then what ARE you saying?" Misato replied, pressing the attack. She was determined to topple the house of cards that was the Shinji and Asuka "relationship".
"I don't know." Asuka tried to hold Misato's glare, but soon was forced to look away in disgust.
"Listen. It's a simple question. Yes or no. Are you going out with Shinji?"
"I...I...I have to go to the bathroom," Asuka said, her voice threatening to break at any moment.
"Bathroom?" Misato asked, quite surprised at the Second's answer. She looked at the girl for a moment then continued forward. "You can go to the bathroom right after you clear up whether or not you and Shinji are a couple."
Asuka began fidgeting in her seat, squirming around and placing her hands between her legs. "I have to go to bathroom. I'll tell you when I get back, or do you want me to make a mess?"
Misato glanced across the lounge to the restrooms. They were far enough from the front door that sneaking out would be noticed, and being on the top floor of a skyscraper eliminated the possibility of climbing out the window. Still, Asuka was a pretty resourceful girl...an escort seemed appropriate.
"Actually, I have to go to the bathroom too. We can go together." Misato smiled as she stood and followed her charge.
Kaji watched the pair leave over his glass as he enjoyed a drink. "Good job Shinji," he said while placing the beverage back down on the table.
"Thanks...for what?"
"For helping Asuka break down some of the walls she has put up around her heart. Deep down she's a good kid and I'm glad to see her finally start to be happy." Kaji took another sip of his drink before continuing his train of thought. "Funny though, I could always see that she had a little something for you, it was subtle but always there, but I figured you were to timid and shy to expose her. I guess I was wrong about you."
"I'm sorry," Shinji said as he hung his head in shame. "But we aren't really going out. This is all just some scheme that Asuka came up with to get back at Misato."
"Really?" Kaji exclaimed as he stared at the nodding Shinji before turning to Rei. "Did you know about this too?"
"Yes," Rei replied with a slight nod.
"Wow," Kaji said, shaking his head in amazement. "Some kinda secret agent I am when 15 year old kids can outfox me. I really need to get a new line of work before I get myself killed." He raised his glass to his mouth and began drinking again.
"Mr. Kaji, the Second basically admitted it was not a genuine relationship when she refused to kiss Ikari just a few moments ago. Surely you must have picked up on that?"
"Actually Rei, I would have picked up on it, but I was preoccupied," Kaji said as he unleashed one of his patented smiles yet again.
Rei nodded in agreement. "Understood. Based on the direction and your viewing angle, you were much too interested in Major Katsuragi's breasts to listen to Pilot Sohryu."
Kaji cocked his head a bit and stared at the First as she only blinked back in response. "You're mistaken Rei," he chuckled, "I was not checking out Misato's breasts. Even with the plunging neckline on that low cut dress..."
Rei shook her head. "I am sorry Mr. Kaji, but you were."
"Was not."
"You were."
"This is silly," Kaji said softly as he rearranged his silverware. "Rei, I was not staring at Misato's breasts. I don't treat women as objects."
"You did."
"Did not."
"You did."
"Did not." Kaji said, gritting his teeth much like a certain redhead usually did when dealing with the Unit 00 pilot. "So, Rei," he continued before the girl had a chance to respond, "have you checked out the menu yet? They make a fine prime rib here."
"I do not like meat."
"Yeah...okay." Shinji could swear he saw the words TILT in the older man's eyes as the ponytailed superspy turned to face him. "So let me get this straight, you get to hold hands and kiss Asuka but you aren't going out?" Watching the boy nod his head, Kaji continued. "You lucky bastard."
"Huh?" came Shinji's bewildered reply.
"I was commenting how lucky you are. You're making out with a beautiful woman and not having to deal with all the baggage that comes with a serious relationship. I wish more women would do that."
"I don't feel lucky," Shinji sighed as he frowned and hung his head. "It's just another person using me for their own gains."
"That's true," Kaji said with a smile, "but I say enjoy it while you can." He took a moment to glance over at Rei who seemed to be too engrossed in the menu to be paying any attention to the conversation. Still, Kaji leaned forward as he whispered to Shinji. "If it bothers you so much, I say use them right back." He stole one last quick glance at the First and lowered his volume even more as he continued. "First thing you need to do is determine your ultimate goal. Then figure out how to get there. Next you decide which person or people can best help you reach that goal. Remember Shinji, the key is the goal. Always remember what your goal is and then make it happen."
"I don't know Kaji. I've never used anybody in my life. I don't know how."
"For you it should be easy," the older man said after leaning in still closer and lowering his voice until it was barely audible even to Shinji. "Your mother and father were masters at manipulating people. Two of the best I've ever seen. So I figure that it's in the Ikari blood."
"Mr. Kaji has a valid point," Rei said causing both men at the table to jump. "Genetics may aid in your attempts, Ikari."
"Why...why thanks Rei," Kaji stammered as he tried to calmly slip back into his seat. "My grandfather had charm, my father had charm, and well, you know me," he said with a wink as he looked at the blue haired beauty.
"Of course the basis of genetics is mutation and variation. That may explain what has happened to you."
"What did you say?"
"And just because I am currently the only female at the table does not mean you need to examine my breasts as you did Major Katsuragi's. Your actions are inappropriate and appear to be setting a bad example for Ikari. I would ask that both of you look me in the face when addressing me in the future."
"Sorry," Shinji blushed.
"It is an interesting theory. Your father has very little difficulty using persons for his own gains." Rei paused for a moment of silent reflection. "I know this quite well. Perhaps you also would not."
"I'll give it some thought," Shinji replied as he smiled at Rei, "and I think I have a goal. But I would hope that I can achieve it without using anybody."
"I hope you can," Kaji said as he turned his head to catch sight of the approaching women. "But keep it open as an option."
"Perhaps I will," Shinji said as he too saw Misato and Asuka returning. "Kaji, please don't tell Misato about any of this. Asuka would kill me if she found out I told."
"Don't worry Shinji," the older man whispered as he tapped temple with his finger. "Your secret is safe up here."
"Thanks," the Third said as he quickly turned determine if Misato or Asuka was yet close enough to hear him. Judging he was almost out of time, Shinji leaned forward and whispered. "K...Kaji, could I ask one last favor? Could you try to get Misato out of here? I think Asuka has been through enough for one night."
"I guess you have a point, things can only go downhill from here. I'll try but Misato has been pretty upset with me lately. She keeps saying I don't take our relationship seriously enough. I'll see what I can do." He finished just as the Major and the Second sat back down. "Ah...ladies, everything went well I take it."
"Just fine, thanks for asking," Misato said indignantly. She carefully arranged her napkin in her lap and took a long sip of her drink, glancing over the glass at the redhead on the other side of the table. "Now, where were we?" she said as she lowered her glass to the table. "That's right, Asuka was going to tell us if she was indeed going out with Shinji or not?"
"Katsuragi," Kaji interrupted," don't you think it's a little immature to keep badgering her all night. I'm sure when you were her age you were just as shy when it came to boys."
"For you information," Misato shouted, "when I was her age I couldn't speak because of the trauma of Second Impact. Of course you would have known that if you had paid attention to a single word I've said during the past 9 years."
"That's not true Misato, and you know it."
"All I know is you have never taken our relationship seriously. Sure, I'll admit that I dumped you in college, and I have apologized for that time and time again. But I wasn't going to take a backseat to your work. My mother suffered through it for years before she finally gave up brokenhearted, and I wasn't about to let that happen to me."
"Misato, I..."
"No, let me finish. That was the past...ancient history. Times have changed, situations have changed. I've changed. Unfortunately it seems you have not. It's still the same old Ryouji Kaji. It's always some sweet talk and booze and back home to The Love Shack. Well I for one am sick of it."
Shinji and Asuka looked at one another. "The Love Shack?"
"Shut up!" Misato and Kaji screamed in unison at the two pilots before Kaji addressed Misato's comments. "I'm not the one who always drinks to much and then throws herself at me. You're impossible to figure out. I don't know whether you genuinely care or are using me for a good time."
"Don't flatter yourself Kaji," the Major scoffed, turning her head away in disgust. "You're not that good."
"That's not what you said last time," he replied.
The volume at the table increased as Misato and Kaji continued to bicker. All around them patrons stopped eating and turned their attention on the duo. The elderly woman at the next table whispered to her husband about how petulant the younger generation was. Soon all eyes were on them as their discussion threatened to overwhelm the string quartet located at the other end of the lounge.
"This is getting embarrassing," Shinji whispered to the other Pilots.
"Yeah even the music stopped," Asuka replied as she watched the musicians put down their instruments. "Though I have to admit I've never liked that song they were just playing."
"What song?" Shinji replied.
"Air," Rei interjected before Asuka could respond. "By Johan Sebastian Bach. It is considered a masterpiece of classical music."
"Masterpiece or not, I still hate that song."
"Can you stop worrying about the song and please figure out some way to get them to stop fighting," Shinji said desperately as he looked at Asuka. She however, seemed quite content in the fact that for the time being at least, Misato had a new target. Shrugging her shoulders at the boy she glanced away and explained to the elderly couple at the next table that if they wanted to continue to stare, a photograph would last much longer.
Shinji turned to the other Child at the table. Rei met Shinji's eyes calmly. 'What are you asking me, Ikari?' she thought, studying his agitated face carefully.
"Umm, so Kaji..." Shinji said awkwardly, trying to change the subject, "do you know anybody with a cat? Dr. Akagi's birthday is coming and my father wanted to know if..."
"I do not feel well..." Rei whispered suddenly, "may I please leave?"
All eyes at the table focussed on her. "We haven't even eaten yet," Misato said with a frown, "what's wrong, Rei?"
"I am... dizzy," the blue-haired pilot replied, "and my stomach is upset..."
Asuka looked over at her fellow pilot and smiled. "Oh yeah... you look pale, Wondergirl...then again you ALWAYS look pale."
Misato narrowed her eyes suspiciously. Had it been Asuka or Shinji, she would have thought it was a ploy. But Rei would never. Rei COULD never. "Ok," she sighed, "it would have been nice for you to enjoy the meal with us, but if you're not feeling well, it's best you go home."
Rei turned to Shinji. "Would you walk me home, please?"
"What?" came his astonished reply.
"Will you walk me home?" she repeated.
The Third Child blushed a bit as he stared into her ruby red eyes. "Um...well, I don't know. I mean...I still haven't eaten and..."
Rei cut him off, mid-stammer. "Ikari, please escort me home," she said, nodding slightly as her eyes pleaded with him to obey.
Shinji contemplated Rei's curious expression for a few moments before he realized her intentions. Signaling his understanding with just the barest inclination of his head as he turned to address the others at the table. "I probably SHOULD walk Rei home. After all she's not feeling well." He stood and placed his napkin on the table as he helped Rei with her chair.
"That's very gentlemanly of you Shinji," Misato said as she smiled at the boy. "It's nice to know that ALL members of the male population aren't assholes." She ended her not so subtle comment with a scowl directed at her one time boyfriend.
"Be careful Shinji," Kaji said smiling back at Misato. "You don't want to send the wrong message by trying to be a nice guy. Women are always getting the wrong idea about relationships."
"Thanks Kaji, I'll try to remember that..." Shinji replied.
"Don't listen to that idiot," Misato said as she kicked Kaji under the table. "Women know exactly what's going on and not going on in a relationship. Especially when they're being used for physical gratification."
"And gratified you always are," the pony tailed man said with a smirk as he furiously rubbed his leg.
"Not with that thing," Misato said, holding her hand up and positioning her thumb and forefinger about 4 inches apart and smiled. "That's about accurate I think."
Asuka gasped when she realized what Misato was referring to. "That's not true, is it?"
"No Asuka," Kaji said with a smile. "It's not that small."
"It is that small," Misato replied.
"Is not."
"Is too."
"Is not."
Shinji and Rei's heads turned back and forth as they watched Kaji and Misato debate.
"Well," Shinji said finally deciding to take the initiative, "we had better get going. Goodbye."
"Not so fast, Third Child," Asuka clamored over the din. "You're not going anywhere." The redhead's sudden outburst silenced the argument for the moment as everyone watched her stand and approach Rei and Shinji.
"Ikari is walking me home," Rei said as she reached down and grabbed Shinji's hand and began leading him away. "We should go."
Asuka quickly grabbed Shinji's free hand and halted their retreat. "I KNOW what you THINK he's doing, but he's not going anywhere with you!"
"Why not?" Rei questioned.
"Because...because," Asuka spluttered before finally settling on an answer, "because he's my boyfriend, that's why."
"Is he really?" Rei said quietly.
Asuka paused for a moment as she glanced over her shoulder and noticed that Misato and Kaji were both eavesdropping with a keen interest. "What are you stupid? Shinji and I are inseparable."
Rei stared at the Second Child for a few moments. "If your relationship is strong, surely you would not worry that someone could come between you?"
"Me, worry about losing Shinji to you? I think not."
"Fine, then it is settled." Rei gave Shinji's hand a strong tug and pulled him free of Asuka's hold. "Ikari and I are leaving. Goodnight Sohryu."
Asuka watched as Rei led Shinji across the restaurant and out the front door. As they disappeared from view she turned and stumbled back into her seat, the look of surprise and shock evident on her face.
"So," Misato started, trying to break the uneasy silence at the table, "I guess it's just us three."
"So it is," Kaji smiled as he put his drink down and smiled at the two females. "Now that the competition is gone I have you both all to myself."
"Give the God's Gift to Women bit a rest, will you," Misato groaned. She glanced over and noticed that Asuka was staring blankly out the window, her mind obviously on other things. "Asuka what do you want?"
The red head continued to stare out the window. "Nothing."
"Nothing?" Misato pleaded. "Come on Asuka, this is the finest restaurant in all of Tokyo-3. They've got all of your favorite dishes, you must want something."
"I'll have prime rib, medium, with a baked potato and green beans on the side."
Misato looked over to Kaji and scowled. "I don't care what YOU want."
"Sorry," he replied raising his hands in defense.
The Major turned to her charge again. "Asuka, are you sure you don't want anything?" The girl's shaking head was her silent reply. "Have it your way," Misato said as she picked up the menu and began looking it over. "You'll have to watch me eat because I'm starving." She scanned the listings of entree's and appetizers for a few moments. "I'm going to get a nice juicy steak, doesn't that sound good Asuka?"
"I'm getting the prime rib."
"I KNOW what you're getting Kaji," the violet haired woman said before turning back to face the girl. "Are you sure you don't want something?"
"The prime rib is excellent."
"Kaji, if you don't shut up about the prime rib, I'm going to punch you in the face," Misato growled.
"No, I'm not hungry," Asuka sighed and stared down at her silverware, fumbling aimlessly with the fork.
Misato turned and watched the Second as she fidgeted in her seat, her confident appearance from earlier in the night long gone.
"I'd like a prime rib, medium, with a baked potato and.."
"KAJI!" Misato screamed as grabbed her knife and turned to face him. "Would you shut up about the damn..." Her tirade was cut short as the Major noticed the waitress standing next to him scribbling out his order. "Oh...sorry about that."
The waitress gave the Major a wry grin while Kaji finished giving his order. "And what would you like Miss?" the waitress said, adding with a smile, "prime rib?"
Misato returned her smile with a mocking one of her own. "To tell you the truth," she said, her eyes squinting to read the woman's nametag, "Alice. I think we want the check for the drinks. We are leaving."
"Leaving?" Asuka asked.
"Yes, leaving. If you don't want to be here, then neither do I."
"Who said I don't want to be here?"
"It's obvious that you're upset that Shinji's gone so why don't you go find him," Misato said as Alice handed her the check.
"That little dork? He can go play with his little doll for all I care," Asuka said indignantly. "I'd rather stay and talk with Kaji."
"And I'd like my prime rib," Kaji lamented.
"You'll get nothing and like it," Misato snapped. Smiling she turned towards the Second. "And you should go find Shinji."
"I told you, I don't care what that idiot does," Asuka said softly through the frown on her face.
"But I thought you two were dating?"
Asuka gasped as what was left of her cover was finally blown. Looking over, Misato nodded slightly in agreement. "So...you know," the redhead said sheepishly.
"I've had my doubts right from the start."
"What are you going to do?"
Misato smiled as she spoke. "Well, you will both have to be punished."
"Great," Asuka sighed as she remembered previous bouts with the Major's penal system. "This would never have happened if that little moron wouldn't have left with Miss Perfect."
"But we'll address that at home later. First I really think you should go find Shinji."
"Why? He doesn't care about me and I don't care about him. We were only was pretending to like one another...I think it's obvious who he likes." Asuka lowered her head stared down at the table below. "I can't believe I lost to her," she muttered to herself softly.
The older woman watched and listened with great interest. "I know you don't care about him, but I'm ordering you to go find him."
Asuka looked at Misato incredulously. "You're ordering me?"
"Yes," Misato said in her most military tone of voice. "I'm ordering you to find Shinji and Rei. What if she collapses and Shinji needs help? I need you to be there to take charge of the situation. Strictly in a military way...nothing personal."
Asuka thought about it for a moment. "So your orders are to find them and assume command?"
"In a way, yes."
Asuka smiled as she jumped up from her chair. "Typical Wondergirl and Idiot Shinji. They are always relying on me." She quickly pushed in her chair and started for the door. "I hope they appreciate all the sacrifices I make to save their butts."
Kaji watched as Asuka ran out the restaurant. "You did a good thing right then, Misato."
"What did I do?" the Major innocently returned.
Smiling he turned back to his companion, quite elated that they were alone. "So Misato...now that the kids are gone can I offer you a drink?"
"I don't think so," Misato said as she fumbled through her purse to pay the bill.
"What's the problem now?" Kaji inquired.
"The problem is you refuse to make a commitment. Look, if you can't be mine, all mine, then I don't need you."
Kaji pondered her words as he watched her continue to rummage around. For the first time he truly worried about losing her. Perhaps it was time to say those words he had always been too afraid to say before...
"Um...Kaji," Misato said stammered as she looked up from her purse, her face awash in embarrassment. "I seem to be a little short on cash. It's funny but recently I seem to be having trouble keeping track of my money. Could you be a dear and pay the bill?"
Kaji smiled, as it seemed he would be getting a reprieve, at least for the time being. Still, he wondered as he reached into his pocket and grabbed his wallet; would he ever be able to say those words?
---------
"Hey Wondergirl," Asuka said as she stepped out from the shadows near the entrance to Rei's apartment building. Rei watched as the Unit 02 pilot panted in a desperate attempt to catch her breath. "Where's Shinji?"
"Ikari is not here."
"I can see that," Asuka replied condescendingly, "where is he?"
"He went to NERV headquarters."
"NERV? Why the hell would he go to NERV at this time of night? Is something wrong?"
"No." Asuka and Rei stared at one another for a moment before the First reached for the door. "If there is nothing else, I will be leaving now."
"One last question," Asuka said as she held the door closed with her foot. "What was with the little charade you and that moron pulled off in the restaurant all about?"
"Charade?," Rei responded with a slight cocking of her head. "I know of no deception that Ikari and I participated in."
Rei began tugging on the door while Asuka simply crossed her arms on her chest and smiled. "Listen, you're not going anywhere until I get some answers." The First Child ceased tugging on the door and turned away to face the empty street. "Don't play me for a fool. I saw the little signals you and Shinji were exchanging at the table just before you left. So I'll ask you again, what is going on?"
"Major Katsuragi's interrogation of you was becoming distressing. I decided to help."
"Wait a minute," Asuka said as she grabbed her shoulder, forcing Rei to look at her. "YOU lied to help me. I can't believe it." The redhead smiled and turned away. "I guess I should thank you. I mean it's not like I needed your help or anything but still, I should be polite."
Rei stared at Asuka curiously for a moment, an uneasy silence falling over the two. For what seemed like minutes the only sound heard was the rhythmic pounding of the pile driver at the construction site nearby. Finally the First Child prepared to enter her building.
"Oh no you don't!" the Second Child yelled as she again blocked the entrance. "You did this out of pity, didn't you? Didn't you?" Asuka raised her hand up and pointed at the First. "I don't want your pity! Do you understand me? I don't want it. You thought you saw me in trouble and you couldn't wait to show off to Shinji and the others how great you are."
"You misunderstood," Rei said softly as she lowered her head to escape Asuka's glare. "I did not purposely deceive the others for your benefit. Ikari was the one distressed. I was helping him."
Asuka's jaw dropped as Rei walked by her and into the foyer. The Second was speechless as the blue haired girl slowly closed the door behind her. Just after it was completely shut, the First heard the sound of a fist hitting the metal frame...
To Be Continued...
Next Chapter: "Switching Alliances"
This brings us to the halfway point or so in the story. Still a few twists and turns left before this journey ends. Sorry to be a bit late on this chapter, but I got a little writers block and then my internet provider went out of business so I couldn't get it preread. One thing to clear up, Kaji's name is Ryouji Kaji, his last name is Kaji, not the first. I always thought Kaji was his first name too, but Rhine corrected me on that. Thanks to Random and Rhine for prereading and a special thanks to Rhine for pointing out that I forgot Unit 04 in my original omake.
******************* OMAKE THEATER *******************
Ryoma: Well another chapter down, so here we are with omake time. I have something really good planned for this Omake Theater so let me get...
*sudden loud knocking on the door* BOOM, BOOM, BOOM
Ryoma: I wonder who that could be?
Ryoma opens the door and a large purple hand reaches through the opening and grabs him, pulling him outside.
Ryoma: Oh, hi Unit 01...um...what can I do for you?
Unit 01: Myself and the other Units here have some issues with your fic writing. *Units 00, 02, 03 and 04 step out from behind 01. Overhead the Eva Series is circling*
Ryoma: Issues? Well guys I don't really know what to say. If there is something you want me to work on , I'll do it.
Unit 02: Oh yeah, there's something you need to work on all right.
Ryoma: Sure, is it not following canon? OOC? Spelling? Grammar?
Unit 03: Shuttuap already! We's pissed you ain't used no Unit's in any of your fics, see.
Ryoma: Oh that. I'm sorry but I haven't really had the chance to use any of you guys in a fic yet.
Unit 00: Well what about this fic, it's still ongoing, right?
Ryoma: *looking nervous* Yes it is still ongoing, but...um...I really don't see any point of putting any of you in the story. It's a romantic comedy and you guys were never supposed to...ah Unit 01, you're squeezing me a bit too hard.
Unit 04: The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
Ryoma: Excuse me?
Unit 02: *draws prog knife* Not going to use us again, are you?
Ryoma: Um...I...hadn't planned on it.
Unit 03: *extends arms in threatening manner towards Ryoma* Listen here pal. We's Unit's gotta make a livin' too. As members of the Evangelion, Giant Mecha and Pipefitters Union, Local 1377, we's got exclusive rights to all Eva fics. You's gotta use us, and only us, in all Eva fics.
Unit 01: Of course if you don't write us in any fics, we don't get paid.
Unit 02: I hate not getting paid.
Unit 04: *screaming incoherently* WWAWWAWBUBBALLLLAALALLAW.
Unit 03: If I's don't get paid, I's can't put food on the table for all my little Units. Then my's kids get mad, the wife starts gettin' mad, then I start gettin' mad. You don't wanna see me's when I get mad. People's get hurt when I get mad.
Ryoma: I understand your situation...perhaps I COULD write you in this fic. I had kicked around a little idea. Let me call my assistant for the storyboards. Robyn...could you come out here...please, and bring the storyboard for the scrapped Eva sketch.
Robyn: *runs out from the office* Hey boss, here you go. By the way, that Kaworu character keeps calling and asking if you have any work for him in this fic. He's called 20 times already today. Keeps mentioning how much he loves you and stuff and is looking to get out of the yaio.
Ryoma: Tell him nothing in this fic, and if he keeps calling change the number.
*Unit 03 grabs the storyboards and looks them over*
Unit 03: Hey, this isn't bad...00, he's got you painted yellow and me green but other'n that we're all there.
Unit 00: I don't mind yellow...but what's with the different horns? Do they shoot some kind of weapons or something?
Ryoma: *shakes head* Um...no.
Unit 00: They look weird. 01, you have an upside down triangle on your head and appear to be carrying a purse?!?!? 02 you have a small circle and I have what appears to be a lightning bolt.
Unit 01: A purse! Let me see that. *quickly scans the storyboards* What the hell is a Tinky Winky?
Unit 03: Tinky Winky! Ha ha what a stupid name.
Unit 01: Don't laugh, you're Dipsy. 00, you're La La and 02, you're Po.
Unit 02: Po? Give me that...Mein Gott ! He's made us into 40 story Teletubies.
Ryoma: *struggling to free himself from Unit 01's hand* Yeah...well...you see the plan was to have the Eva's volunteered for corporate sponsorship and stuff, as a way to improve their image to the public. It could have been funny...imagine Asuka inside of Po. *Unit 02's 4 eyes light up* I mean Unit 02...Unit 02. But I scrapped the idea because it wasn't needed for the plot.
Unit 03: You's damn lucky you scrapped that. Them's guy's from the Gundam Union would have been gettin' a good laugh over that.
Unit 02: Which again means we're not in any of your fics...and we're not getting paid. I say we kill him.
Unit 00: I agree. Lets kill him and send a message to other Eva fic writers.
Unit 03: I say's we kill um, then we's torture um, then we's break his legs, then we's rough um up...then we's kill him.
Unit 01: *looking at Unit 03 and shaking its head* Idiot.
Unit 04: No, no...this will never do...no not at all. WAWWAAABBBUBUBUBA !!!
Ryoma: *turning to Unit 01 as Unit 04 scoops tons of dirt in it's monstrous hand and begins eating it.* Excuse me, but what's wrong with him?
Unit 01: He hasn't been quite right since Anno dropped him from the series. He took it pretty hard.
Unit 02: Yeah, he camped out in front of the guy's house for a week. Stepped on his dog, smashed his car...oh man you should have seen what he did to the pool.
Unit 03: *giving Unit 02 a high five* That was too funny! Ain't pulling that thing out with no pool skimmer. Man that was nasty.
Unit 01: Yes, well as you can see we other Units take care of him now. But that's not your concern, do you have any last words before I kill you?
Ryoma: I can change...I can change. I promise on the next fic you will be there. All of you. *crying* Please don't kill me...I wanna live...Asuka, Rei, Misato...father. I don't want to die.
Unit 01: Well, I always have had a soft spot in my heart for whiney kids...I'll let you go as long as you promise to write us into your next fic. *pulls Ryoma close and whispers* Be careful with 03...he's not right in the head...if you know what I mean. *Ryoma nods in agreement* Ok all that's left is to gently place you back on the ground and...
Unit 02: Hey...there's one other storyboard in here.
Ryoma: *desperate* Ah...you don't need to look at that. It's nothing...
Unit 00: This one only seems to have Unit 01 in it.
Unit 01: Well, that's better...after all I am the most powerful Unit, so I SHOULD get my own fic. You're not so bad Ryoma.
Unit 03: Lemme see that...yup it's all 01. Damn big purple bastard. This sucks. Hell, I could handle this part...all you gotta do is run around, jumping and stuff with the kids. One question though...what the hell's a Barney?
Units 00, 01, 02, and the Eva Series: BARNEY!
Unit 04: Fishy, fishy...fishy, fish.
Ryoma's head landed with a soft thunk on the ground...