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Anime » Gundam Wing/AC » GundamWings 12 days of Christmas

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Author: StarLite Wind

G - English - Humor/Humor - Reviews: 4 - Publish date: 04-14-02 - Updated: 04-14-02

story id: 721638

Disclaimer: Yeah, I don't own Gundam Wing. I kinda took this story and re-worded it. Everyone is 17 years old in this story with the exception of Trowa, Noin, Zechs, Trieze, Lady Une, Howard and Paegan. I hope you enjoy this story.

Gundam Wing Presents….

12 days of Christmas

Staring….

Heero Yuy as the man of the house

Relena Dorlian/Yuy as the ditzy house wife

Hilde Shicbecker/Maxwell as the cheerful friend guest visiting the Yuy's

Trowa Barton as the sarcastic mail carrier

Zechs Marquise as the smart-ass brother-in-law

Sally Po & Lucrezia Noin as two of the Ten Ladies Dancing

Howard as one of the Nine Pipers Piping

Dorthy as the pissed off neighbor

Quatre Raberba Winner as one of the crazy Eleven Lords a Leaping

Trieze Khusrenada as the man from Glittering rings incorporated

Lady Une as one of the Eight Maids A milking

Duo Maxwell as the good hearted but lame boyfriend

Paegan as one of the Twelve Fiddlers Fiddling

And introducing Wufei Chang as the Great Narrator

On with the story!

Wufei: We are at the peaceful home of the Yuy's where the brother and friend of Relena Dorlian are visiting for the holidays. (Pause) *Cough* On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a partridge in a pear tree….

Trowa: Special delivery for Hilde Maxwell

Relena: Oh look Heero! A pigeon!

Trowa: I believe it's a partridge ma'am

Relena: And in a bush! Isn't that just delightful?

Trowa: It's a pear tree lady

Heero: I don't see any pears

Trowa: Hey what do you expect? It Happens to be December

Hilde: (coming to the door) Oh what a be-yoo-tiful dove!

Trowa: Partridge! PARTRIDGE!

Heero: What's the difference?

Trowa: I'm a mail carrier, not a bird watcher. Sign here, please.

Hilde: (Reading the card) "Love and kisses, Duo." Isn't he just the sweetest thing?

Heero: So where are we going to put the bird?

Relena: I think it would make a wonderful center piece

Heero: In the center of what?

Zechs: A forest of pear trees?

Wufei: On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me two turtle doves

Trowa: Special D for the young lady!

Heero: Not more birds!

Trowa: They're turtle doves

Relena: They do look a little green around the beaks

Heero: Well at least this time he sent a cage. My breakfast this morning had more partridge feathers than corn flakes

Hilde; Duo really shouldn't have-

Heero: Why don't you tell him that?!

Wufei: On the third day of Christmas…

Zechs: (opening the door) You again?

Trowa: Give me a hand with these three French hens, will ya man.

Heero: What's in those other cages?

Trowa: Tomorrow's Sunday and there is no delivery, so I hope you don't mind my doubling up on goodies. Here are your-

1st calling bird: Yoo-Hoo!

2nd calling bird: Hey-ey-ey!

3rd calling bird: Hall-ooo there!

Trowa: Four calling birds

4th calling bird: Somebody call me?

Heero: I need an aspirin

Trowa: See you Monday!

Wufei: On the Mon- I mean, the fifth day of Christmas….

Relena: Did you hear a knock at the door?

Heero: Are you kidding? Between the calling birds, the clucking hens and the cooing doves, I couldn't hear a 21-gun salute! (Opens the door) Yeah, what do you want?!

Trieze: I have a gift for a Miss-

Heero: I'm sorry! Hilde Maxwell has gone to the North Pole for the holidays.

Trieze: But I'm from Glittering Rings Inc.

Heero: (Looking around worried) No birds, you promise?

Trieze: Now what would I be doing with a bird?

Zechs: I don't know, but if you can think of a reason, we can sell you a couple of calling birds, CHEAP! They're great little alarm clocks at four in the morning

Trieze: (Raising a brow) I've come to fit these five golden rings on Miss-

Relena: Did you say golden?

Trieze: (Smiling) Eighteen karats each

Hilde: Let me have them! Look Relena! One for each finger!

Zechs: Does this mean your engaged to that idiot Duo?

Heero: Don't be ridiculous! She's under age

Relena: It's only a gift. I'm sure Duo is just trying to be romantic

Zechs: He's trying a little too hard if you ask me

Heero: That's right. Maybe tomorrow we'll get six diamond necklaces.

Wufei: But alas, it was not to be. On the sixth day of-

Heero: WAIT! Spare me the stress. Skip over the geese.

Wufei: (Shrugs) Sounds good. On the seventh day of Christmas comes seven swans a swimming….

Trowa: ( Banging on the door) I know your in there Yuy! Believe me, this isn't any easier for me than you!

Hilde: (looking out the window) Oh look Relena! They're gorgeous!

Heero: Hilde, get away from that window!

Relena: Too late. He saw her!
(Hilde opens the door)

Trowa: (Entering the house) All right. Where do you want them?

Relena: ( sighing) Upstairs in the bath tub I suppose. But watch your step

Trowa: (walking up stairs steps on something squishy) YUCK! What was that?

Heero: Just an egg laid by one of those six geese a laying you dropped off the other day. They're every where.

Zechs: Not to mention their sh-

Trowa: It better not have been that!

Heero: Don't feel bad. Here, have a pear. It's fresh.

Wufei: On the eighth day of Christmas, the postman doesn't show up….

Heero: (Smiling and sits on a chair) Well, it looks like Duo has finally ran out of dumb ideas

Zechs: Or money

Relena: Zechs, don't you think it's about time you took a bath?

Zechs: Gee Relena, I'd really love too, but those seven swans a swimming won't make room in the tub. Damn swimming bastards

Cow: MMMOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Heero: Did someone just say or do something very loud?

Relena: It certainly wasn't me!

Zechs: It sounded like a-

(There's a knock at the door)

Hilde: (Opening the door) Yes? May I help you?

Lady Une: I'm one of the eight maids-a-milking. Where would you like us to set up the cows?

Heero: THE WHAT?!

Relena: Heero, dear, I think you better lie down for a minute. (turns to Lady Une) I'm afraid you've come to the wrong house. We're not big milk drinkers and-

Lady Une: Look missy, I'm here to milk. Not discuss your calcium intake. The back yard looks good for grazing.

Heero: (Weakly from the floor) Did she just say grazing?

Lady Une: Cows got to eat too, mister. Come on girls! Let's get to work

Hilde: (ecstatic) Oh Duo, I knew you still loved me!

Relena: (Putting a cold rag on Heero's head) With lovers like these who needs enemies?

Zechs: At least we know what to say if anyone asks, Got milk?

Lady Une: You don't have an extra pail lying around, do you?

Wufei: (Reading his script over) Wow, that sucks (looks up)- I mean- On the ninth day of Christmas, the pear tree drops it's leaves, two swans get their beaks stuck in the bath tub drain, one of the maids gets frost bite, and a dude with a long beard and dark sun glasses walks through the front door….

Howard: I would've knocked, man but like, somebody took your door off

Heero: We did. It keeps the air circulating. Take a few sniffs and you'll understand.

Howard: PHEW! I smell what you mean. Nice stable you got here. Anyways, we came about the pipes.

Relena: But I didn't call a plumber

Howard: No lady, like we brought our own. Eight pipers piping at your service

Hilde: Gee, only eight?

Howard: Uh, yeah, Peter, man, he couldn't make it. He bummed out on too many pickled peppers last night. Can't pipe a note.

Heero: (holding his head and whispering) This isn't happening to me….

Howard: Anyone want to hear "Jingle Bells Boogie"?

Wufei; (Drinking hot cocoa) On the tenth day of Christmas Mr. And Mrs. Yuy are awakened from a sound sleep by the telephone….

Heero: ( yawning and answering the telephone) Hilde Maxwell is no longer here. You can forward all packages, gifts and or livestock to-

Dorthy: Cut the crap Yuy. This is your next door neighbor. Now you listen here, I put up with the loud calling birds, cooing doves and mooing cow but if you don't stop the party that I wasn't invited to in five minutes, I'm calling the cops!

Heero: (Confused) Party? What party?

Dorthy: Oh, I suppose you know nothing about those slutty women dancing on your front lawn to those loud and freaky bagpipes!

Heero: You wouldn't by any chance noticed how many there were, would you?

Dorthy: (slamming down the phone) TEN!

Heero: I KNEW IT! The mad gift giver has struck again!

Wufei: Five minutes later on the Yuy's front lawn….

Heero: Ok, that's it! The party's over! Now get off my lawn!

Sally: With all these cows trotting around, that'll be my pleasure!

Noin: Hey kid, don't you have anything better to hustle down to other than this lousy pipe music?

Howard: HEY!

Zechs: ( to Noin) Wanna go to my room and listen to something more, relaxing?

Heero, Relena & Hilde: ZECHS!

Hilde: Well, the least we can do is invite you girls-uh, ladies, in for some refreshments.

Sally: Sounds great. What do you have? It better be something good.

Relena: How about a nice cold glass of milk?

Sally and Noin: YUUUUUUUUUCK!!

Cow: MOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Heero: HELP!

Wufei: On the….huh….what day is it? I've lost count.

Hilde: Eleventh, I think.

Wufei: Oh yeah *cough* On the eleventh day of Christmas the pathetic and desperate Yuy's and their guests are sneaking out to their car to flee to a motel when….

Hilde: (Startled) What was that , that just went over the car?

Zechs: A UFO?

Quatre: MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Heero: Who are you? Peter Pan?

Quatre: (Bowing) One lord-a-leaping at you service.

Relena: Awfully jumpy aren't you?

Quatre: That's my job. Hey guys! Over here! I've found the house!

Zechs: Whoa! Look at them all!

Relena: I'm surprised they haven't slipped on the ice yet.

Hilde: What are you guys? Human pogo sticks?

Quatre: I beg your pardon!

Relena: (Shaking Heero's shoulder) Heero, are you alright?

Heero: (in a strange calm voice) Glad to meet you, Lord-a-leaping. I'm Heero-a-going.

Quatre: (Smiling) A-going where?

Heero: A-going-CRAZY!

Quatre: Maybe we should take a flying lap out of here.

Heero: Don't be silly. Go inside! Make yourself at home! Take a bath to the sound of piped music but watch out for the swans. The fridge is bursting with milk and eggs; and if your really hungry, you can stick a French hen in the oven but you'll have to pluck it yourself. Now if you'll excuse me, I have an appointment to be fitted for a straitjacket. (singing as he skips away) Three French hens, to turtle doves and a partridge in a pear treeeeeeeeeeeee!

Relena: Oh dear! What should we do?

Zechs: I always knew he would go crazy. I just never knew it would be so damn funny! (Laughs)

Relena: Zechs! (smacks him)

Hilde: Do you think he'll come back?

Zechs: (rubbing his head) Sure he'll come back. Once the loony bin says he's sane again.

Lady Une: Poor wacky kid. He's lost it

Noin: Just doesn't know how to receive gracefully

Quatre: Yeah, he has my pity. How about a little leap around the place to cheer us up?

Noin: You lead, I'll follow

Wufei: On the twelfth day of Christmas, Relena, Zechs and Hilde visit Heero in the hospital. And once they return home….

Howard: Mrs. Yuy, we were guaranteed an exclusive contract under the musicians union to provide holiday entertainment in this household.

Relena: What's the matter Howard? Are the geese at it again?

Howard: No, it's these twelve fiddlers that just arrived

Zechs: Look up there, a bunch of guys are on top of the house!

Hilde: What do you people think you are doing up there?!

Paegan: Hey Lady, haven't you ever heard of Fiddler on the Roof?

Zechs: Geez man! That was terrible!

Paegan: You think that's bad, wait until you hear us play. Ok boys, a-one-and-a-two-and-a-

Wufei: Just then, who should come strolling up the front steps but the idiot-

Hilde; DUO!

Duo: Hiya baby! I bet your head is still reeling from all the goodies I sent over, huh?

Hilde: That isn't the right word for it

Duo: Hi Relena. I bet you've never had a Christmas like this before.

Relena: (Lifting a pail of milk) No Duo, I haven't.

Duo: Hey, where is Heero?

Zechs: (Picking up a fiddle) Oh, he's in the hospital. Recuperating.

Duo: Really? Nothing serious I hope.

Hilde: (Grabbing a bagpipe) Just a slight nervous breakdown. The doctor said he should be back on his feet by Valentines Day.

Zechs: April 23 at the most

Duo: Gee that's too bad. Anything I can do?

Relena: (Getting closer to Duo) Oh, you've done quite enough already, Duo

Zechs: So we'd like to thank you our own very special way

Duo: Aw, you don't have to do that

Hilde: Oh, why yes we DO darling

Duo: But it was really nothing

Relena: (Dumping pail of milk over Duo's head) HAPPY….

Zechs: (Bopping Duo on the head with the fiddle) NEW….

Hilde: (Whacking Duo with a bagpipe) YEAR!

Relena, Zechs, & Hilde: AND MANY HAPPY RETURNS!!

Wufei: Wife, brother and friend stomp back into the house leaving a dazed Duo on the stoop….

Duo: Just for that, next year, I'm not even sending a card!

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