What You Are (Part 4/?)
AUTHOR: Rebecca Parker
EMAIL: Buffonian@aol.com
RATING: PG-13
SUMMARY: Buffy heals from a deathly vampiric attack instantaneously. The
Scoobs try to figure out what's going on.
SPOILERS: Seasons 1-4
FEEDBACK: I feel bad because I think I put out too much of a guilt trip
last time. So dont feel like you have to. If you want to, great! If you
don't, that's OK. I'll survive. But it would be nice :)
DISTRIBUTION: FINNatics, of course. Anyone else, please ask.
DISCLAIMER: Joss and his brilliant, utterly evil mind own these characters.
DEDICATION: This part is dedicated to two people: Emmy, who I hope feels
better! And also to Jodi, a dear friend who has been just...dear to me
lately. Out with George!



The mood in Giles' apartment had shifted in the last twenty minutes since
Buffy had walked in the door with Riley. Where less than an hour ago they
had feared her dead or near it, they could now here the water running
upstairs as she took a shower.
"Xander, get your mind out of the gutter," Willow said, smiling as she
looked at her friend whose eyes were gazing at the ceiling.
"Oh," Xander said, looking quickly to Willow. "I wasn't...I mean..I was
just..."
"Oh don't worry, Willow. We've found that fantasizing about other people
actually spices up our sex life," Anya offered, grabbing a handful of Chex
Mix and popping it into her mouth.
"Oh really? Well, I found that not known about your sex life makes mine
all the more enjoyable," Willow said, shooting a tired glance at Anya.
Anya pouted, waiting for Xander's reaction. When there was none, she
punched his shoulder.
"Ow! What was that for?"
"How come she doesn't get yelled at when she makes mean comments?"
"Because. She's uh...Willow. And it doesn't happen too often so we let
her have them. It's called a quota. She hasn't met hers and you fulfilled
yours the first day I met you."
"Thank you Xander," Willow said, smiling as she settled back into her
seat on the couch.
"Well, I don't think its fair. Rules are rules."
"Anya! Can you please NOT!" Xander shouted.
"Well, fine," Anya said, frowning. "But don't think you're getting any
sex tonight!"
"Fine. I'm still....sore from the other night anyway," Xander said in a
low voice, hoping no one else had heard him.
"Damnit!", Giles called out from the other room, slamming down the phone.
"He's done that a lot today," Willow told Riley, who had been quiet for
the last fifteen minutes.
Riley nodded. "A lot of reason to."
Giles walked into the room, his face flushed. "They won't talk to me. I
told them that there is a situation with the slayer and they said they didn't
care. Bloody idiots."
"So we do this without them," Riley said, looking up at Giles, his hands
clasped. "Apparently that's how you've been getting along for over a year
now."
"Yes, this is true, but there is certain information that only they can
provide. Histories of past slayers. Medical records. These are the very
things that can provide the answers we seek. The Council came in and removed
those books from the library the week after I was fired."
"So your memory, right? Well, that's gotta be good enough," Xander said.
Giles sighed. "It should be but as a Watcher I felt concentrating on
demons and prophecies was more important than knowing about past slayers. I
know, of course, the basic information but I believe it is the more in-depth
details that will be of service to us on this issue."
"Where does that leave us?" Riley asked, his tone more insistent.
"Square one, I believe the term is," Giles said, frustration creeping
into every line of his face.
"That's not good enough."
"I know. I have a few contacts left inside the Council that may be
willing to help me. I'll need to be on the phone for the next few hours or
so."
"What do we do?" Willow asked.
"Willow, as usual, I believe research is in order. I don't know what else
we can do at this point. Until we find out what is causing this..."
"What about Buffy?" Xander asked, moving forward on his seat. "I
mean...is she OK?"
"She said she was stronger," Riley offered. "I think physically she's
fine. Mentally, I don't know. She's feeling weak."
"I don't understand. This should be like a big woohoo for Buffy. She
can't get hurt. Why is she upset? If you ask me, she's just acting like a big
crybaby."
"She doesn't know what to expect anymore," Riley said, sighing. "It may
look great, this healing thing, but it's not to her. It's like as soon as
you're done with this big puzzle you discover an extra piece. But you don't
know where it goes and it throws the whole picture off. She's just scared."

*****

Buffy's reflection stared back at her just as it had for the last twenty
minutes. She stood in front of the mirror, clad only in a towel and felt the
oddest sense of deja vu.
She knew she should go downstairs and deal with everything that was going
on but somehow her image in front of her seemed more pressing. She looked the
same, her pointed nose, her hazel clear eyes that had reflected a sad longing
since her 17th birthday, her blonde hair which she never seemed to get the
way she wanted it. But she wasn't the same. It was like looking in the mirror
and seeing a stranger with your face.
"I don't even know who I am anymore," she said to herself, sighing.
She frowned as she opened the door and walked towards Giles' bedroom. She
stopped, hearing voices below. "Mentally...she's weak," she heard Riley say
and she frowned. She knew it was true and she knew Riley knew it, but she had
hoped that he wouldn't tell them how horrible she was feeling over the issue.
She entered Giles' room and sat down on the bed, her fingers running over
the fabric of the clothes he had left for her. Olivia was a few sizes larger
than her, but baggy was in, or at least that's what Buffy remembered. She
slipped the clothes on slowly, feeling that familiar moisture build up in her
eyes as she heard Riley's words in her head. She was weak, and now everyone
knew it.
She stood up, brushing her newly fallen tears away. "I can do this," she
said, taking a deep breath and walking out the door and down the stairs.
"Buffy," Riley said, standing up and walking towards her. "Are you OK?"
"I'm great," she said, rather unconvincingly. "What are we up to?"
"Researching," Willow said, looking up from a book. "Surprised?"
"Oh. Shocked is a better word," she said, smiling. "Any luck?"
"To quote a Carpenter- We've Only Just Begun," Xander said, walking over
to Buffy and handing her a book. "Dig in? I'm about to make a run for pizza."
"Extra cheese?" Buffy asked, her eyes wide. It had been hours since she
had hate and only then realized just how hungry she was.
"For you Madam, anything," Xander said, bowing to her.
Anya frowned behind him, curling her legs underneath her as she aimlessly
paged through a book, not even glancing to see what was on each page. "I
asked for anchovies and you said no."
Willow frowned at Anya, turning a page. "Anya-"
The phone rang, distracting everyone from their tasks. "Giles?" Xander
called out.
"I've got it," Giles said, picking up the phone. "Hello?", he answered.
Giles looked up at Buffy, concern in his eyes. "Yes...Yes," Giles said,
removing his glasses and leaning against the desk. "Thank you. I appreciate
the heads up. I'll be in touch soon."
"Giles? What's going on? What heads up?" Buffy asked as Giles hung up the
phone. She moved over to him, Riley behind her. "Giles?"
"That was...a contact of mine from the Council. Apparently their unit has
been disposed for you Buffy. You need to get out of here. You're not safe."
"Their unit? The same one they sent after Faith?"
"Apparently."
"Why? The only crime I've committed is jaywalking," she said, her eyes
desperate.
"I don't know Buffy. All I know is right now, we need to get you out of
here."
"But-"
"Now!" he shouted, his eyes locking with hers which had began to tear
again as she backed up from Giles. "I- Buffy, I'm sorry. But my contact said
that time is of the essence and that- he said they would not fail this time."
"They're going to kill me," Buffy said to herself, her eyes gazing
downward.
"Buffy we need to-" Riley started.
"I know," she interrupted, turning around to look back at her boyfriend.
"I know."
"Buffy, we'll keep looking," Willow said, pulling her friend into a hug.
"We'll find out what's going on."
"I know Will. Take care," Buffy said, taking Riley's hand and walking out
the door.
"Giles?" Willow said after Buffy had left.
"Yes, Willow?"
"'Take care' That's what she said when she went off to face the Master.
Before she- before she died. Do you think?"
"Do I think she believes she will die again?"
"Yeah."
"Yes, I do. But I don't believe that will happen."
"No," Xander said. "It won't. I wouldn't let it happen the first time and
I won't let it happen again."
"You didn't save her last time Xander," Anya said from the couch. "She
died. You just brought her back."
Xander glared at Anya. "Yeah well she's alive. And I intend to keep her
that way."
"How?" Willow asked.
"I'm going to do what I did last time."
"And what's that?" Giles asked.
"I'm going to find Angel."

TO BE CONTINUED....