Introduction:: Basically the battlefield of Minesweeper...
Narrator: The area is two hundred and fifty-six square units and Private I. Smiled has just been picked out of a group of two volunteers. The other guy, Private U. Frowned had head for home as soon as he heard an explosion just ten yards away from us. Poor bloke.
General A. Check: Private, you have been picked to be thrown out into the minefield before us. Can't say I'm proud of what you're doing as we do have safer ways to do this, but the boys at HQ think that this would be more fun.
Private I. Smiled: Are you saying that this isn't safe, General?
Check: Yes, now go over to Privates O. Kay and Y. Knot, they'll tell you what to do. Good luck, Private.
Smiled: Yes sir, General.
Narrator: Smiled then met up with the other two privates who were all too ready to start.
Private O. Kay: Come on, Smiled, we only have all day.
Private Y. Knot: Actually, we are timed after we first throw him, Kay.
Smiled: Er...
Knot: Kay, what is the first coordinate?
Kay: Hm, let's try three down and sixteen across.
Knot: Sounds good to me. Come on, Smiled, step into the catapult.
Smiled: Don't I get a helmet?
Knot: Of course you don't! This is a low budget military operation.
Kay: Yes, so climb on in, Smiled.
Smiled: Okay.
Narrator: The shaking Smiled then climbs into a rather large and unstable catapult...
Knot: Contact!
Kay: Ready, Smiled? Good! Off ya' go!
Smiled: Mother!
Narrator: Despite his call, Smiled's mother does not come to rescue him, so the catapult is let loose and the nervous private actually lands unharmed on three down, sixteen across. Kay then grabs a megaphone and calls out to the private, who can only yell back...
Kay: You okay, Smiled? Wonderful... what's the number under you?
Smiled: It looks like a big number one!
Kay: Right, Smiled, how about going up to two down and sixteen across?
Smiled: Okay! Um, that spot's a number one as well.
Kay: Smiled, stay put! Knot is coming via helicopter to bring you back here.
Narrator: And so Knot's helicopter goes out and lowers a ladder down to Smiled, who slowly climbs up. After Smiled finally gets to Knot, the helicopter speeds back to where Kay is waiting.
Kay: Wonderful! Now, Knot, set the catapult to sixteen down and sixteen across.
Knot: Yes, Kay.
Smiled: The corner? So soon?
Kay: Sure, why not?
Knot: Sir?
Kay: Huh? Oh, I didn't mean you, Knot.
Knot: Oh, okay.
Kay: What kind of statement is that? 'Oh, O. Kay' isn't correct grammar, Knot.
Knot: Sir, I...
Kay: Don't even bother to explain, Knot. Now let's set Smiled on his way, shall we?
Knot: Yes, Kay.
Narrator: Knot set the catapult, Smiled climbed in again, and then Kay set him on his way. The results were quite drastic...
{ A boom sounds where Smiled just landed. }
Kay: Oh, that doesn't sound good.
Knot: Kay, that's the third private today!
Kay: I know, and he didn't even locate a mine without having it set off. Well, Knot, it's time to find another volunteer.
Knot: Quite right, Kay.
The Lesson for Today:: Always be sure to ask if something is safe before you volunteer.