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CRASH.
"PIPPIN! THAT WAS THE BEST PLATE WE HAD!!!" The cry (bark? shout? scream? what do these mysterious Dwarves do to unleash their fury?)of the dwarf echoes off the ridiculously high walls and ceiling.
"See, Merry? I TOLD you it wasn't a frisbee!" calls Frodo, padding into view.
"An integral part of the kitchen..... lost...." says Sam in a forlorn, far-away voice. He slowly crawls over to the remains of the plate and started picking up the bits and praying over them. Pippin stood by him, whips out a violin and proceeds to play a funeral march. Everyone's eyes start watering.
"Frodo," sobs Aragorn, hugging the hobbit, "let me show you a picture of my poor deceased mother!"
"not before I show you a picture of my poor drownèd mother!!" Wails Frodo, waving an old black and white photo.
The music comes to an abrupt halt. Everyone looks at Pippin.
"What?" says Pippin, putting the violin back in his invisible pocket. "It's time for Elevenses. I'm hungry!"
There is chaos as all the hobbits rush to the nearest McDwimordene's, leaving behind a surprised but angry Arwen and her husband cowering from her wrath.
"LEGGOLAHS!!" She screams. *author's note: that was pronounced LAY-Go-Las, as in Las Vegas.* The windows shook. The juice wobbled.
"yes?" The elf says smoothly, as he glides into the room, with trays of hors d'oeuvres balanced on his head and arms and fingertips and somehow, ears.
"Do NOT ever send hobbits rampaging through my castle AGAIN!" The Welch's Grape Juice tips to the ground with a clunk, staining her dress an ugly purple that matches her face.
Legolas looks shocked.
"What about buffalo?" he timidly inquires as she towered over him [somehow, Arwen manages this even though Legolas is twice her height].
"Noooooo buffalo!" Screams Arwen.
"Wildebeest?"
"Noooooo wildebeest!!"
Legolas looks absolutely crestfallen.
"Fangirls?"
"WE LOVE YOU LEGOLAS!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" squeals a legion of fangirls on cue outside the castle.
"Legolas, what have I told you about fangirls?"
"they're unhealthy to my ego in large doses." Legolas the elf lowers his head in shame.
"EXACTLY! Now get them out of here before someone gets hurt."
"Oh, it's ok if I lose a few, there's plenty to spare."
"I meant YOU."
Pause. The prince of Mirkwood ponders this thought.
"Oh. Um... o-kay, I'm going to... check on the... " He trots away. Arwen grabs a few hors d'oeuvres off the plates as he leaves.
After many hours of this insanity and not getting anything done, the guests have arrived at the party and are helping themselves to juice, lembas trays and hors d'oeuvres off Legolas. Gimli, having been invisible all this time, is trying desperately to get people to pay attention to him by singing, dancing, breathing fire..... the like.
"Bilbo! Speech! Speech!" shouts Frodo. Everyone immediately smothers him to try to get him to shut up before....
"well, sure! If you insist!"
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Okay..... we're going to leave them be, shall we? Tune in later.... and for those of you wondering where the heck Éowyn fits into all of this, the meat of the pot is coming. Soon. Now's your chance to review! Ha ha ha ha!!!