A/N: See before. Since you've already read this far, there's no point in typing it over again and again.... My poor fingers! I will get carpal tunnel syndrome because of this!
p
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
p
"Speech?" says Bilbo, climbing up onto a huge wooden crate that just so happened to be beside him (In case you've never been to one before, big wooden crates are always put beside hobbit dinner guests at pre-three-legged-race-winning parties, in case they ever feel the need to make speeches, or to rise up to the height of everyone else).
p
"Well! It's been a while since I was last asked to make a speech. I remember the first time I was asked to make a speech. It was at the 54th birthday party of Mogo Proudfoot. The speech was long.... and tedious.... and I draaaaaagged the syyyylllllllables out like thiiiiiiissssss......... and paused...........................
p
"to make impressions..................
p
"Twas the finest speech I have ever made! But poor Mogo. He never had a birthday party again."
p
"Actually, he had one every year after that," whispers Merry to Gandalf, falling asleep beside him, "but Bilbo was just never invited."
p
"But I had lots of other opportunities to practice my speeches!" Roars Bilbo after a particularily long pause, stirring everyone in their sleep. "There was the speech at Annabell Underhill's wedding, and the one at Rose Cotton's 10th, and the i mwa mwa mwa mwa mwa /I...."
p
During the entire speech, the box under him had been moving forward, and Bilbo's head was becoming less visible, until he finally succeeded in becoming a living replica of Charlie Brown's teacher, fading away into oblivion. He was never seen again. No one cared.
p
Meanwhile, a hooded creature had been sitting in the corner, sporting a bubble pipe and a magic marker beard, watching everything carefully with icy eyes.... observing every move of every person.... feeling every breath and every word exchanged..... occasionally spouting bubbles out the end of the pipe.....
p
"hi, dark and handsome." A sleazy voice catches the attention of the hooded figure. Some light falls on the face of the speaker, revealing a very drunk Arwen. Hair falling over her face, she touches the shoulder of the bearded person sluttishly. "Bet you've never been with an elf before."
p
The hooded figure lets out a piercing scream and starts beating Arwen away with a nearby chair. Arwen, maddened, attacks the figure. The hood falls off, revealing something no one had dreamed of.....
p
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
p
"Speech?" says Bilbo, climbing up onto a huge wooden crate that just so happened to be beside him (In case you've never been to one before, big wooden crates are always put beside hobbit dinner guests at pre-three-legged-race-winning parties, in case they ever feel the need to make speeches, or to rise up to the height of everyone else).
p
"Well! It's been a while since I was last asked to make a speech. I remember the first time I was asked to make a speech. It was at the 54th birthday party of Mogo Proudfoot. The speech was long.... and tedious.... and I draaaaaagged the syyyylllllllables out like thiiiiiiissssss......... and paused...........................
p
"to make impressions..................
p
"Twas the finest speech I have ever made! But poor Mogo. He never had a birthday party again."
p
"Actually, he had one every year after that," whispers Merry to Gandalf, falling asleep beside him, "but Bilbo was just never invited."
p
"But I had lots of other opportunities to practice my speeches!" Roars Bilbo after a particularily long pause, stirring everyone in their sleep. "There was the speech at Annabell Underhill's wedding, and the one at Rose Cotton's 10th, and the i mwa mwa mwa mwa mwa /I...."
p
During the entire speech, the box under him had been moving forward, and Bilbo's head was becoming less visible, until he finally succeeded in becoming a living replica of Charlie Brown's teacher, fading away into oblivion. He was never seen again. No one cared.
p
Meanwhile, a hooded creature had been sitting in the corner, sporting a bubble pipe and a magic marker beard, watching everything carefully with icy eyes.... observing every move of every person.... feeling every breath and every word exchanged..... occasionally spouting bubbles out the end of the pipe.....
p
"hi, dark and handsome." A sleazy voice catches the attention of the hooded figure. Some light falls on the face of the speaker, revealing a very drunk Arwen. Hair falling over her face, she touches the shoulder of the bearded person sluttishly. "Bet you've never been with an elf before."
p
The hooded figure lets out a piercing scream and starts beating Arwen away with a nearby chair. Arwen, maddened, attacks the figure. The hood falls off, revealing something no one had dreamed of.....