Snape - Life on the Edge: A Love Story
The tale of Snape's first step into the real world:
*Snape steps out the door*
Snape: GAH! NATURAL SUNLIGHT!
*Snape runs back inside and emerges wearing black sunglasses*
Snape: IT BURNS! IT BURNS!
*Snape runs back inside. He only comes out again when it is 11.00pm and pitch black.*
*Snape slowly makes his way to a nightclub, avoiding the street lights and hiding from cars in trees. He then enters the nightclub.*
*Snape is panting heavily from the 100m walk from his house to the club.*
Snape: He -e- ll-oo... *pant pant*
People whispering about him: Dude!! CHECK OUT THE HAIR!! Do you think he's, like, not washing his hair for a protest? Yeah, that'd be right, why else would anyone have hair with small squirrels in it?
*Snape hears them, and grumbles about his hair being extremely shiny*
*Snape wanders up to someone, trying to be cool*
Snape: Wa-t-t eeeer, pl-ea-ssse.... *mentally congratulates himself on his suaveness and natural confidence*
Random person: Umm... thhe bartenders over there, go and ask him... and please don't put that thing on top of your head near me...
Snape: What thing? *picks up lock of dirty, dirty hair* Do you mean my hair?
Random person: That's hair? Well I'm sure the bartender would probably wash your hair too, if its in that desperate need of a wash...
Snape: I don't need to wash it! Its perfectly clean! *Snape haughtily turns around, making his hair flip around. The poor person he was talking to is sprayed with dirt and bugs.*
*People all around him are whispering things about the 'greasy, greasy man' or the 'guy with a used mop on his head'*
*Someone approaches him*
Person: Yo, you are like cool man!
Snape: Why thankyou! *mental note: Someone called me cool! And recognised me as male! Oh, happy happy day!*
Person: I mean, you're standing up for what you believe in! You're not washing your hair as a protest against the wrongs of the world! I'm proud of you, I could never have my hair as greasy as yours! Its truly disgusting! Good on you!
Snape: MY HAIR IS NOT GREASY! *whimpers*
*Snape crawls up into a foetal position and cries.*
And that is the story of how Snape began to fear and hate the outside world.
The tale of Snape's first step into the real world:
*Snape steps out the door*
Snape: GAH! NATURAL SUNLIGHT!
*Snape runs back inside and emerges wearing black sunglasses*
Snape: IT BURNS! IT BURNS!
*Snape runs back inside. He only comes out again when it is 11.00pm and pitch black.*
*Snape slowly makes his way to a nightclub, avoiding the street lights and hiding from cars in trees. He then enters the nightclub.*
*Snape is panting heavily from the 100m walk from his house to the club.*
Snape: He -e- ll-oo... *pant pant*
People whispering about him: Dude!! CHECK OUT THE HAIR!! Do you think he's, like, not washing his hair for a protest? Yeah, that'd be right, why else would anyone have hair with small squirrels in it?
*Snape hears them, and grumbles about his hair being extremely shiny*
*Snape wanders up to someone, trying to be cool*
Snape: Wa-t-t eeeer, pl-ea-ssse.... *mentally congratulates himself on his suaveness and natural confidence*
Random person: Umm... thhe bartenders over there, go and ask him... and please don't put that thing on top of your head near me...
Snape: What thing? *picks up lock of dirty, dirty hair* Do you mean my hair?
Random person: That's hair? Well I'm sure the bartender would probably wash your hair too, if its in that desperate need of a wash...
Snape: I don't need to wash it! Its perfectly clean! *Snape haughtily turns around, making his hair flip around. The poor person he was talking to is sprayed with dirt and bugs.*
*People all around him are whispering things about the 'greasy, greasy man' or the 'guy with a used mop on his head'*
*Someone approaches him*
Person: Yo, you are like cool man!
Snape: Why thankyou! *mental note: Someone called me cool! And recognised me as male! Oh, happy happy day!*
Person: I mean, you're standing up for what you believe in! You're not washing your hair as a protest against the wrongs of the world! I'm proud of you, I could never have my hair as greasy as yours! Its truly disgusting! Good on you!
Snape: MY HAIR IS NOT GREASY! *whimpers*
*Snape crawls up into a foetal position and cries.*
And that is the story of how Snape began to fear and hate the outside world.