The Faculty: A Love Story
*Dumbledore was tortured until he told the whole, horrible, story. He sold it to some muggles for a lemon drop. They called it Survivor, filmed it, and made many million dollars. Dumbledore swears that he 'meant' to only sell it for a lemon drop, and that he didn't like muggle money anyway. He grumbled a lot after that and got angry and tried to steal my money, so the entire faculty of Hogwarts was questioned. They produced this incredibly pointless story.*
Why Snape hates the Hogwarts Faculty (and no, the reason is not because they wrote this, the answer is actually in this fic. Also, this is set when Harry is in the school. This it is in Harry's 4th year. You see, before, Snape didn't hate the faculty that much, He was just his normal, sinister, dysfuntional self. This is the story of why he hates them a lot now.)
*After Dumbledore gets several letters from the ministry along the lines of 'UR SKOOLL SUX!!!111 I H8 U!!!!!!!!11111111 WAREWULVS SUXXX!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111' and 'i 8 a baybee. i m sik. pliss heyllp mi.', he decided that wizards should also be learning the basics of spelling and maths. Just so they can at least write legible letters. He appointed all the Hogwarts teachers to different subjects, and happily sat back and watched the ensueing chaos.*
List of Hogwarts Teachers and the Compulsary Muggle Subjects:
The teachers will first teach ALL the Gryffindors ans Slytherins in the school, Then the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws.
Mcgonnagol: English
Flitwick: Maths
Hooch: P.E
Pomfrey: First aid (AN: to help those poor ministry members who ate babies, of course.)
Snape: Spelling and Logic (AN: spelling is a separate subject from english, because Mcgonnagol will be worn out just trying to stop the students from writing things like 'I ain'ts goings! Me english are top knotch stuff, it be!')
all other subject are optional.
(In Mcgonnagol's class)
Mcgonnagol: Students, you all must of heard about the new school system, so you all must know that today you will be learning the fundamentals of english. I -
Neville: My toads is gone!
Mcgonnagol: Don't you mean 'Toad is'?
Neville: No! Trevor hadded babies! And they all wents away!! They is always near me an' Trevor, but them was scareded from all yous peoples talks! An' then I looks, an' them is gone!! Gone me tell ye, gone!
*Mcgonnagol's knees buckle from the pressure of all the grammatical errors*
Neville: They was so cute... all spottsy and slimsy and sqoishy and wrinklsy -
Parvati: Like, eew! Wrinkles! *remembers that the toads are in the classroom* They'll infect me! Aaah! My like, beautiful face! *starts pawing at own face* I can feel it, like AGING!! totally, NOO! *pulls Lavender infront of herself* Save me! Like totally save me! THE WRINKLES! LIKE, THE WRINKLES! *Parvati's friends all start running around screaming hysterically*
*Mcgonnagol puts her face in her hands and walks out of the classroom in despair*
Draco: It has begun... *cackles evilly*
(In the Staff room)
Mcgonnagol: Snape, I am feeling ever so... *thinks for a moment* ill... *dramatically puts hand against forehead* You will just have to take my english class...
Snape: But I -
Mcgonnagol: Thanks EVER so much! *skips away happily before Snape can answer*
*Dumbledore was tortured until he told the whole, horrible, story. He sold it to some muggles for a lemon drop. They called it Survivor, filmed it, and made many million dollars. Dumbledore swears that he 'meant' to only sell it for a lemon drop, and that he didn't like muggle money anyway. He grumbled a lot after that and got angry and tried to steal my money, so the entire faculty of Hogwarts was questioned. They produced this incredibly pointless story.*
Why Snape hates the Hogwarts Faculty (and no, the reason is not because they wrote this, the answer is actually in this fic. Also, this is set when Harry is in the school. This it is in Harry's 4th year. You see, before, Snape didn't hate the faculty that much, He was just his normal, sinister, dysfuntional self. This is the story of why he hates them a lot now.)
*After Dumbledore gets several letters from the ministry along the lines of 'UR SKOOLL SUX!!!111 I H8 U!!!!!!!!11111111 WAREWULVS SUXXX!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111' and 'i 8 a baybee. i m sik. pliss heyllp mi.', he decided that wizards should also be learning the basics of spelling and maths. Just so they can at least write legible letters. He appointed all the Hogwarts teachers to different subjects, and happily sat back and watched the ensueing chaos.*
List of Hogwarts Teachers and the Compulsary Muggle Subjects:
The teachers will first teach ALL the Gryffindors ans Slytherins in the school, Then the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws.
Mcgonnagol: English
Flitwick: Maths
Hooch: P.E
Pomfrey: First aid (AN: to help those poor ministry members who ate babies, of course.)
Snape: Spelling and Logic (AN: spelling is a separate subject from english, because Mcgonnagol will be worn out just trying to stop the students from writing things like 'I ain'ts goings! Me english are top knotch stuff, it be!')
all other subject are optional.
(In Mcgonnagol's class)
Mcgonnagol: Students, you all must of heard about the new school system, so you all must know that today you will be learning the fundamentals of english. I -
Neville: My toads is gone!
Mcgonnagol: Don't you mean 'Toad is'?
Neville: No! Trevor hadded babies! And they all wents away!! They is always near me an' Trevor, but them was scareded from all yous peoples talks! An' then I looks, an' them is gone!! Gone me tell ye, gone!
*Mcgonnagol's knees buckle from the pressure of all the grammatical errors*
Neville: They was so cute... all spottsy and slimsy and sqoishy and wrinklsy -
Parvati: Like, eew! Wrinkles! *remembers that the toads are in the classroom* They'll infect me! Aaah! My like, beautiful face! *starts pawing at own face* I can feel it, like AGING!! totally, NOO! *pulls Lavender infront of herself* Save me! Like totally save me! THE WRINKLES! LIKE, THE WRINKLES! *Parvati's friends all start running around screaming hysterically*
*Mcgonnagol puts her face in her hands and walks out of the classroom in despair*
Draco: It has begun... *cackles evilly*
(In the Staff room)
Mcgonnagol: Snape, I am feeling ever so... *thinks for a moment* ill... *dramatically puts hand against forehead* You will just have to take my english class...
Snape: But I -
Mcgonnagol: Thanks EVER so much! *skips away happily before Snape can answer*