Combinations Of Passion And Pain
1.1 Part II: Not What You Should Long For
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Hey, here's the promised second chapter. I'm glad you guys liked it, thanks for reviews. I really appriciate them, and they gave me more motivation to write more. Thanks. :)
***
Dave Malucci opened his eyes and opened his mouth for a yawn. "Hey, Carter?" Somehow the habit of calling his new boyfriend by his last name had just stuck on Dave. But although Dave was a little sorry for it and tried to avoid calling him just 'Carter,' John himself didn't seem to mind. "What time is it?"
No answer.
"John?" Dave repeated, glad for a second chance to get this right.
"Mm." John's eyes were closed, and he really seemed exhausted… which was perfectly understandable after a night like the last. Dave didn't have the heart to wake John up, since they both were supposed to be off, thanks to their lies. Instead, he just touched John's neck and searched his face carefully, almost as if he would find the answer to this whole situation there. Just the day before yesterday he had seen John only as a co-worker and a friend, and now he was so much more. Dave had been feeling happy since he realized that John really cared for him, and became slowly sure that he was in love with him.
Dave smiled, resting his head softly on John's chest so he could hear the older man's heart beating against his ear, and soon fell asleep again.
***
Dave woke up again, and glancing at the digital alarm clock, he could see it was already past noon.
"Car — John?" he mumbled, running his arm across the bed. When his hand met nothing but the cold, empty mattress and he realized that John wasn't there, he jumped to his feet, a little panicked. Maybe he had changed his mind after all, Dave thought, now panicked even more. He ran to the kitchen, bathroom, living room and even to the bedroom again, but he couldn't find him anywhere. Oh shit, he thought, this can't be happening. He couldn't just leave me like that… no.
Dave walked slowly back into the couch. John could've at least done him the decency to tell him he was leaving… As soon as Dave fell on his couch, he saw that there was a piece of paper on the coffee table near him. Suddenly, his pulse rose and he felt dizzy. This new relationship is really doing strange things to me, Dave noted as he reached for the paper. It was, of course, from John.
"Hi honey…" the first line of it said. Well that's a good sign, Dave thought, and then continued to read.
"I realized I need some clothes and other things with me…" Oh, so that's what this is about, Dave thought, and sighed deeply in relief. He continued reading.
"…so I went to get them from my home, but I didn't want to wake you. I'll probably be back before you wake up, but I left this just incase you wake up before I get here and freak out because I'm gone.
"Well, I haven't changed my mind, if that's what you fear. As far as I'm concerned, I'm never going to leave you, because I love you.
"I won't be gone for long.
"Love,
John"
So he does love me! Dave laughed out loud, feeling a bit stupid for doubting John like that. He decided to have a shower, so he could be clean for John when he gets back, finding it only slightly surprising that all his thoughts were centered around pleasing his new lover.
***
"Were you at some woman's?" Millicent Carter teased as she stood in the doorway of John's bedroom, watching her grandson pack his clothes up in an overnight bag.
"No, I was at my friend's home," John replied, blushing a little from the tips of his ears, as he was reaching for a pair of jeans.
"Oh," Millicent said, nodding as if that explained everything, though she still doubted. There was a short silence after that, which Millicent broke with a teasing question, smiling a smile that you would not expect to see on your grandmother's face. But Millicent wasn't like all other grandmothers, she was still quite witty for her age, her clear eyes displaying a young age that her body did not. "Was it a female friend? That Abby, whose mother you picked from that motel in Oklahoma?"
For an unknown purpose, John was feeling guilty, as if he was a teenage boy caught up having sex in the back of his parents' car. "No, it was a male friend." He sat down on his bed, placed the jeans on his lap, and created a new silence with that, which he broke again. "Gamma, could you promise me something?" This was very hard for him. But it will soon enough be over, he thought. Millicent sat next to John and nodded, thinking in relation to what this would be about. "If I tell you something, could you promise not to judge me and just listen?" John's pleading eyes searched Millicent's.
"John, what is it?" she asked, her features taking on a worried expression.
"That male friend… I think I'm in love with him," John confessed. This was the moment he had feared ever since he had thought about telling her, and he was obviously surprised when his Gamma did not show any sign of surprise. She just nodded, showing her knowing face.
"I always thought so," Millicent told John calmly, and placed her hand on John's shoulder.
Now John became even more surprised.
"But I never even talked about… " He trailed off, unable to follow. It seemed like Gamma was a mind reader or something.
"I mean about you being bisexual. You just seemed to be that type." Millicent smiled in acceptance. She didn't care if her grandson was gay or straight, she'd still love him.
"But I just found out myself." He grinned happily. They had never discussed things so personal before, so John naturally had feared the worst.
"John, when will you learn? I've always known you better than you do yourself." They both laughed, like always. Suddenly Millicent got up. "Let's go to kitchen and have a talk," she said in a serious tone, and waited John to follow her into the kitchen, where John sat down again. "Does he love you?" Millicent asked as she reached for milk.
John nodded. "At least he told me so."
"How did you exactly discover your feelings?" she asked as she held the bottle out to John, who declined politely.
"I went to have drink with him, you know, as two friends, and then I woke up with him in the same bed next morning."
Millicent's eyed John firmly. She was in clear disbelief. "You had a one- night stand with him, and now you think you're a couple? This is so not like you." She shook her head, closing her eyes for an instant.
"Gamma, it wasn't just a one-night stand and that's it. In fact, I was so drunk that night I can't even remember it! I fell in love with him in the next morning. He was like a totally different person to me from that point, he wasn't just a coworker or friend anymore, he was Dave, and I think that morning opened my eyes. Gamma, the feeling has been there for a much longer time, we just didn't see it until now."
"I see," she said in a lighter voice, and smiled again. "That explains everything." And it really did, for her anyway. She felt happy for him, and told him that. "John, if it really is the way you told me, I am happy for you." She hugged her grandson who returned the hug. The newly discovered truth was very good news.
***
The morning passed slowly after the shower. Dave had dressed, watched TV, gave up on that when he couldn't concentrate, tried to focus on reading something then, but soon gave up on that too. Every time he laid his eyes on his watch, seeing the time pass, he realized that was time he missed spending with John. Dave had thought of calling John, but then changed his mind. John's Gamma might become suspicious if she heard Dave's anxiety, and Dave had promised John he would keep this secret. A thought of a small walk crossed Dave's mind, but then the thought missing a moment of John's presence put that idea aside. All he could do was to wait. Wait, and grow more insane as the minutes ticked by…
***
It's heaven when you're here
And hell when not
Should've known that what I waited for so long
I cannot deal with
It's crazy, I know
But my balance is totally lost
Because of the happiness you bring to me
***
"Hey, Chuny, why do you think is it that Carter and Malucci are both off?" Connie asked Chuny while sitting down on the couch of Lounge, both women on their breaks.
"I heard they got infected by the same flu in a bar…" Chuny answered casually, but then grinned evilly and made sure no one was listening. She raised her eyebrow. "But I don't believe everything I hear, especially if it is what Weaver tells me."
Connie chuckled, and crossed her feet, and Randi, who was also present, chuckled as well. Connie then whispered: "I heard from that bartender, who's my cousin, that there were two men, obviously both doctors, who would've had sex on the bar if he hadn't prevented it."
"Reallllly?" Randi was enjoying this. She leaned closer to two nurses. "Well, once, I saw Dave staring at Carter's ass, and if it hadn't been then ER, everybody would've noticed it. I swear, he was almost drooling an ocean." Everybody in the room laughed. They thought it was lucky for the three of them to have a break at the same time, so they could fill each other in on this. Of course, luck had no part in it – it was Luka, the attending on call that day, and he was being nice to them for the promise about not gossiping about his past – at least not to ER doctors.
Chen slammed the door of Lounge open, surprising them and said: "Nurses needed! An ambulance has arrived with two GSW and more are coming". She left quickly.
"I'll fill others in," Randi promised as they moved on out of the Lounge, spitting her gum into a garbage bin in the hallway.
***
"Dave!" John called, ringing Dave's doorbell, and like a little puppy dog, Dave ran to let him in.
"What took you so long?" Dave whispered as he embraced John tightly. John smiled happily as he closed the door behind him.
"I told Gamma, and she's happy for us!" John whispered back. Dave stepped back, and his eyes stopped their movement and fixed on John's.
"Wow," he breathed, and embraced John again, this time even tighter, making John's pulse rise. He was now pressed against John, and let his hands go anywhere they wanted. John felt his body respond to Dave's attempt at arousing him, and got even more excited by tasting Dave. So excited that he forgot the existence of a bedroom, and did it all in front of Dave's door…
If God didn't love homosexuals, it was fine for them, for they didn't need His Kingdom for happiness. They had each other, literally.
***
It's crazy, I know
But my balance is totally lost
Because of the happiness you bring to me
Not that I'd be complaining
1.1 Part II: Not What You Should Long For
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Hey, here's the promised second chapter. I'm glad you guys liked it, thanks for reviews. I really appriciate them, and they gave me more motivation to write more. Thanks. :)
***
Dave Malucci opened his eyes and opened his mouth for a yawn. "Hey, Carter?" Somehow the habit of calling his new boyfriend by his last name had just stuck on Dave. But although Dave was a little sorry for it and tried to avoid calling him just 'Carter,' John himself didn't seem to mind. "What time is it?"
No answer.
"John?" Dave repeated, glad for a second chance to get this right.
"Mm." John's eyes were closed, and he really seemed exhausted… which was perfectly understandable after a night like the last. Dave didn't have the heart to wake John up, since they both were supposed to be off, thanks to their lies. Instead, he just touched John's neck and searched his face carefully, almost as if he would find the answer to this whole situation there. Just the day before yesterday he had seen John only as a co-worker and a friend, and now he was so much more. Dave had been feeling happy since he realized that John really cared for him, and became slowly sure that he was in love with him.
Dave smiled, resting his head softly on John's chest so he could hear the older man's heart beating against his ear, and soon fell asleep again.
***
Dave woke up again, and glancing at the digital alarm clock, he could see it was already past noon.
"Car — John?" he mumbled, running his arm across the bed. When his hand met nothing but the cold, empty mattress and he realized that John wasn't there, he jumped to his feet, a little panicked. Maybe he had changed his mind after all, Dave thought, now panicked even more. He ran to the kitchen, bathroom, living room and even to the bedroom again, but he couldn't find him anywhere. Oh shit, he thought, this can't be happening. He couldn't just leave me like that… no.
Dave walked slowly back into the couch. John could've at least done him the decency to tell him he was leaving… As soon as Dave fell on his couch, he saw that there was a piece of paper on the coffee table near him. Suddenly, his pulse rose and he felt dizzy. This new relationship is really doing strange things to me, Dave noted as he reached for the paper. It was, of course, from John.
"Hi honey…" the first line of it said. Well that's a good sign, Dave thought, and then continued to read.
"I realized I need some clothes and other things with me…" Oh, so that's what this is about, Dave thought, and sighed deeply in relief. He continued reading.
"…so I went to get them from my home, but I didn't want to wake you. I'll probably be back before you wake up, but I left this just incase you wake up before I get here and freak out because I'm gone.
"Well, I haven't changed my mind, if that's what you fear. As far as I'm concerned, I'm never going to leave you, because I love you.
"I won't be gone for long.
"Love,
John"
So he does love me! Dave laughed out loud, feeling a bit stupid for doubting John like that. He decided to have a shower, so he could be clean for John when he gets back, finding it only slightly surprising that all his thoughts were centered around pleasing his new lover.
***
"Were you at some woman's?" Millicent Carter teased as she stood in the doorway of John's bedroom, watching her grandson pack his clothes up in an overnight bag.
"No, I was at my friend's home," John replied, blushing a little from the tips of his ears, as he was reaching for a pair of jeans.
"Oh," Millicent said, nodding as if that explained everything, though she still doubted. There was a short silence after that, which Millicent broke with a teasing question, smiling a smile that you would not expect to see on your grandmother's face. But Millicent wasn't like all other grandmothers, she was still quite witty for her age, her clear eyes displaying a young age that her body did not. "Was it a female friend? That Abby, whose mother you picked from that motel in Oklahoma?"
For an unknown purpose, John was feeling guilty, as if he was a teenage boy caught up having sex in the back of his parents' car. "No, it was a male friend." He sat down on his bed, placed the jeans on his lap, and created a new silence with that, which he broke again. "Gamma, could you promise me something?" This was very hard for him. But it will soon enough be over, he thought. Millicent sat next to John and nodded, thinking in relation to what this would be about. "If I tell you something, could you promise not to judge me and just listen?" John's pleading eyes searched Millicent's.
"John, what is it?" she asked, her features taking on a worried expression.
"That male friend… I think I'm in love with him," John confessed. This was the moment he had feared ever since he had thought about telling her, and he was obviously surprised when his Gamma did not show any sign of surprise. She just nodded, showing her knowing face.
"I always thought so," Millicent told John calmly, and placed her hand on John's shoulder.
Now John became even more surprised.
"But I never even talked about… " He trailed off, unable to follow. It seemed like Gamma was a mind reader or something.
"I mean about you being bisexual. You just seemed to be that type." Millicent smiled in acceptance. She didn't care if her grandson was gay or straight, she'd still love him.
"But I just found out myself." He grinned happily. They had never discussed things so personal before, so John naturally had feared the worst.
"John, when will you learn? I've always known you better than you do yourself." They both laughed, like always. Suddenly Millicent got up. "Let's go to kitchen and have a talk," she said in a serious tone, and waited John to follow her into the kitchen, where John sat down again. "Does he love you?" Millicent asked as she reached for milk.
John nodded. "At least he told me so."
"How did you exactly discover your feelings?" she asked as she held the bottle out to John, who declined politely.
"I went to have drink with him, you know, as two friends, and then I woke up with him in the same bed next morning."
Millicent's eyed John firmly. She was in clear disbelief. "You had a one- night stand with him, and now you think you're a couple? This is so not like you." She shook her head, closing her eyes for an instant.
"Gamma, it wasn't just a one-night stand and that's it. In fact, I was so drunk that night I can't even remember it! I fell in love with him in the next morning. He was like a totally different person to me from that point, he wasn't just a coworker or friend anymore, he was Dave, and I think that morning opened my eyes. Gamma, the feeling has been there for a much longer time, we just didn't see it until now."
"I see," she said in a lighter voice, and smiled again. "That explains everything." And it really did, for her anyway. She felt happy for him, and told him that. "John, if it really is the way you told me, I am happy for you." She hugged her grandson who returned the hug. The newly discovered truth was very good news.
***
The morning passed slowly after the shower. Dave had dressed, watched TV, gave up on that when he couldn't concentrate, tried to focus on reading something then, but soon gave up on that too. Every time he laid his eyes on his watch, seeing the time pass, he realized that was time he missed spending with John. Dave had thought of calling John, but then changed his mind. John's Gamma might become suspicious if she heard Dave's anxiety, and Dave had promised John he would keep this secret. A thought of a small walk crossed Dave's mind, but then the thought missing a moment of John's presence put that idea aside. All he could do was to wait. Wait, and grow more insane as the minutes ticked by…
***
It's heaven when you're here
And hell when not
Should've known that what I waited for so long
I cannot deal with
It's crazy, I know
But my balance is totally lost
Because of the happiness you bring to me
***
"Hey, Chuny, why do you think is it that Carter and Malucci are both off?" Connie asked Chuny while sitting down on the couch of Lounge, both women on their breaks.
"I heard they got infected by the same flu in a bar…" Chuny answered casually, but then grinned evilly and made sure no one was listening. She raised her eyebrow. "But I don't believe everything I hear, especially if it is what Weaver tells me."
Connie chuckled, and crossed her feet, and Randi, who was also present, chuckled as well. Connie then whispered: "I heard from that bartender, who's my cousin, that there were two men, obviously both doctors, who would've had sex on the bar if he hadn't prevented it."
"Reallllly?" Randi was enjoying this. She leaned closer to two nurses. "Well, once, I saw Dave staring at Carter's ass, and if it hadn't been then ER, everybody would've noticed it. I swear, he was almost drooling an ocean." Everybody in the room laughed. They thought it was lucky for the three of them to have a break at the same time, so they could fill each other in on this. Of course, luck had no part in it – it was Luka, the attending on call that day, and he was being nice to them for the promise about not gossiping about his past – at least not to ER doctors.
Chen slammed the door of Lounge open, surprising them and said: "Nurses needed! An ambulance has arrived with two GSW and more are coming". She left quickly.
"I'll fill others in," Randi promised as they moved on out of the Lounge, spitting her gum into a garbage bin in the hallway.
***
"Dave!" John called, ringing Dave's doorbell, and like a little puppy dog, Dave ran to let him in.
"What took you so long?" Dave whispered as he embraced John tightly. John smiled happily as he closed the door behind him.
"I told Gamma, and she's happy for us!" John whispered back. Dave stepped back, and his eyes stopped their movement and fixed on John's.
"Wow," he breathed, and embraced John again, this time even tighter, making John's pulse rise. He was now pressed against John, and let his hands go anywhere they wanted. John felt his body respond to Dave's attempt at arousing him, and got even more excited by tasting Dave. So excited that he forgot the existence of a bedroom, and did it all in front of Dave's door…
If God didn't love homosexuals, it was fine for them, for they didn't need His Kingdom for happiness. They had each other, literally.
***
It's crazy, I know
But my balance is totally lost
Because of the happiness you bring to me
Not that I'd be complaining