Disclaimer:
I am Mary
J. K. Rowling wrote Harry Potter
Therefore, I did not write Harry Potter
(It's very logical)
A/N: The Irish Wombats suggested Ron and Hermione, so here it is. By the way, don't mind the weird disclaimer.
Ron and Hermione
Draco
Draco: I figured they'd end up together. Stupid Mudblood and Mudblood Lover's son…
Me: But they were friends. Would you suddenly start going out with one of your friends?
Draco: NO WAY!
Me: So what made you think that they would end up together?
Draco: Because no one else would like either of them.
Me: What about Viktor Krum?
Draco: What about him?
Me: What are you, stupid? Weren't you at the Yule Ball?
Draco: Oh, you mean because he went with Hermione?
Me: (sarcastically) No, because Ron and Krum seemed really interested in each other.
Draco: No they didn't.
Me: I've never met anyone dumber than you. Even Crabbe and Goyle seemed halfway normal. Here's the question again: What about Krum? Do you understand now?
Draco: Krum's famous and he's a lot older than the Mudblood.
Me: Okay then. Thanks.
Draco: How's Voldemort?
Me: He's fine, I gotta go now.
Neville
Neville: Ron? But they're always arguing. They wouldn't last long before using unforgivable curses on each other.
Me: As if they'd be able to!
Neville: Hermione might be able to. But then she'd be too smart to do that.
Me: Yes.
(Silence)
Neville: I can't understand how someone could use one of those curses on someone else.
Me: Neither can I.
Neville: I think I've heard about you. Aren't you Voldemort's cousin?
Me: No, did Malfoy say I was?
Neville: Yes. He said you asked really annoying questions about other people.
Me: Don't believe anything you hear about me. Unless I say it. Goodbye.
Harry
Harry: (gloomily) This is the worst thing that could ever happen.
Me: You can't honestly say you didn't see it coming.
Harry: Well, last year it was beginning to be unbelievably obvious.
Me: Why do you think this is so bad?
Harry: They could barely stay friends without fighting. And now things will be weird.
Me: In what way?
Harry: In every way. But I guess it won't be too bad. It probably won't last long and things will be back to normal soon.
Me: But don't you think that they might not be able to go back to being friends after breaking up?
Harry: No. At least I hope not. How do you know about this anyway?
Me: I have my ways.
Hermione
Hermione: Yes, it's true.
Me: And aren't you excited?
Hermione: Well…
Me: You liked him, didn't you?
Hermione: Well…
Me: What?
Hermione: I can't believe this! It's too wonderful! How did this happen?
Me: Actually, I was just about to ask you that.
Hermione: Well—
Me: Could you stop saying "well"? It's kind of annoying.
Hermione: As long as you stop saying "you"?
Me: How am I supposed to ask YOU a question about YOURSELF without using the word "YOU"?
Hermione: I guess you can't.
Me: Exactly. But anyone can answer a question without saying "well".
Hermione: Aren't you one who pretended to be Professor Dumbledore's long- lost cousin?
Me: That's completely of the subject. Are you trying to avoid answering questions?
Hermione: (annoyed) You're so annoying.
Me: Am I? I'm not the one avoiding questions about Ron.
Hermione: You changed the subject to how often I use the word "well".
Me: Because it was annoying me. And since you annoyed me first, that proves you are the more annoying one.
Hermione: Now I'm late for Arithmancy!
Me: You wouldn't be if you'd just answered my questions and not answered the irrelevant ones.
Hermione: ARGHHH!
Ginny
Ginny: Poor Hermione.
Me: What's so bad about Ron.
Ginny: You have to have lived with him for fourteen years to understand.
Me: Can't you explain it?
Ginny: He's stupid. He's messy and just plain annoying. Now picture living with that for fourteen years, keeping in mind he's older than you and tries to boss you around and then…
[This goes on for about half an hour. I get bored and tune out most of what she says but you get the gist. Finally Ginny has stopped talking and I, hoping she hasn't asked me a question, ask her one].
Me: What would you say to someone who claimed to be jealous of Hermione.
Ginny: They're probably jealous because she's so smart.
Me: No, because of Ron. For example, just pretend I was jealous. What would you say to me?
Ginny: Don't be jealous. Ron's not a nice person. Believe me.
Me: Okay. Thank you for talking to me about this.
Ginny: Why do you care what I think?
Me: That's just the kind of person I am. I care. (BIG cheesy smile)
Fred
Fred: (laughs) Ickle Ronniekins finally got a girlfriend. I've got to tell George and find Ron!
(Fred goes)
Me: I guess actions speak louder than words.
Mrs. Weasley
Mrs. Weasley: Hermione's a nice girl. I've always thought so.
Me: Not after that article Rita Skeeter wrote you didn't!
Mrs. Weasley: But that article was untrue so it doesn't count.
Me: You actually thought she would actually do something so scarlet woman- ish?
Mrs. Weasley: Scarlet woman is a common term isn't it?
Me: Yes it's a new term so not many people have heard it.
Mrs. Weasley: Ron told me it was a strange thing to say and that if I said it everyone would think I was weird.
Me: Well he was wrong. You didn't answer my question. Do you admit that you actually thought she would behave in that way?
Mrs. Weasley: Anything's possible. Shouldn't you be in school?
Me: I should.
Ron
[Ron is completely red the whole time. And not because he's been painted red or he is bleeding]
Ron: What? Me and Hermione?
Me: That's right. You've liked her since second year some people say.
Ron: Which people?
Me: You don't want to know. So, is it true?
Ron: No. We've always been friends and nothing has changed. Whoever said anything about me liking her is lying.
Me: I'll be right back.
[A few days later (I had to go home, which is in Australia, to get something. It isn't until I get back that I realise how stupid going back was)]
Me: Do you know where Ron is?
Dean: (pointing) He's over there, playing chess with Hermione.
Me: (grinning) Is that a euphemism?
(I look where he pointed)
Me: Oh. It's not.
Me: Ron, remember what we were talking about before?
Ron: I don't want to talk about it here. (looks around at many people who could here me saying something about him liking Hermione)
(We go somewhere else)
Me: I have four books for you to read.
Ron: Give them to Hermione, I don't want to read four books. Especially not that really fat one.
Me: You don't have to read them all, just the parts I high-lighted.
(Ron looks at the titles of the books)
Ron: Harry Potter? He's got his own books?
Me: Never mind that. See, they're about Harry, sure, but they also mention you and Hermione. Read this high-lighted part.
(Ron reads it)
Ron: Not the stupid Yule ball.
Me: See how obvious it is that you like her?
Ron: Wow! I guess I was sort of obvious.
Me: Ha! You admitted it! How cool!
A/N: Well, that was chapter two. Review it. Do you have any other ideas? Like before, If I don't get any, it's Malfoy/Hermione. If anyone cares, "you" was used about 70 times in this chapter.
I am Mary
J. K. Rowling wrote Harry Potter
Therefore, I did not write Harry Potter
(It's very logical)
A/N: The Irish Wombats suggested Ron and Hermione, so here it is. By the way, don't mind the weird disclaimer.
Ron and Hermione
Draco
Draco: I figured they'd end up together. Stupid Mudblood and Mudblood Lover's son…
Me: But they were friends. Would you suddenly start going out with one of your friends?
Draco: NO WAY!
Me: So what made you think that they would end up together?
Draco: Because no one else would like either of them.
Me: What about Viktor Krum?
Draco: What about him?
Me: What are you, stupid? Weren't you at the Yule Ball?
Draco: Oh, you mean because he went with Hermione?
Me: (sarcastically) No, because Ron and Krum seemed really interested in each other.
Draco: No they didn't.
Me: I've never met anyone dumber than you. Even Crabbe and Goyle seemed halfway normal. Here's the question again: What about Krum? Do you understand now?
Draco: Krum's famous and he's a lot older than the Mudblood.
Me: Okay then. Thanks.
Draco: How's Voldemort?
Me: He's fine, I gotta go now.
Neville
Neville: Ron? But they're always arguing. They wouldn't last long before using unforgivable curses on each other.
Me: As if they'd be able to!
Neville: Hermione might be able to. But then she'd be too smart to do that.
Me: Yes.
(Silence)
Neville: I can't understand how someone could use one of those curses on someone else.
Me: Neither can I.
Neville: I think I've heard about you. Aren't you Voldemort's cousin?
Me: No, did Malfoy say I was?
Neville: Yes. He said you asked really annoying questions about other people.
Me: Don't believe anything you hear about me. Unless I say it. Goodbye.
Harry
Harry: (gloomily) This is the worst thing that could ever happen.
Me: You can't honestly say you didn't see it coming.
Harry: Well, last year it was beginning to be unbelievably obvious.
Me: Why do you think this is so bad?
Harry: They could barely stay friends without fighting. And now things will be weird.
Me: In what way?
Harry: In every way. But I guess it won't be too bad. It probably won't last long and things will be back to normal soon.
Me: But don't you think that they might not be able to go back to being friends after breaking up?
Harry: No. At least I hope not. How do you know about this anyway?
Me: I have my ways.
Hermione
Hermione: Yes, it's true.
Me: And aren't you excited?
Hermione: Well…
Me: You liked him, didn't you?
Hermione: Well…
Me: What?
Hermione: I can't believe this! It's too wonderful! How did this happen?
Me: Actually, I was just about to ask you that.
Hermione: Well—
Me: Could you stop saying "well"? It's kind of annoying.
Hermione: As long as you stop saying "you"?
Me: How am I supposed to ask YOU a question about YOURSELF without using the word "YOU"?
Hermione: I guess you can't.
Me: Exactly. But anyone can answer a question without saying "well".
Hermione: Aren't you one who pretended to be Professor Dumbledore's long- lost cousin?
Me: That's completely of the subject. Are you trying to avoid answering questions?
Hermione: (annoyed) You're so annoying.
Me: Am I? I'm not the one avoiding questions about Ron.
Hermione: You changed the subject to how often I use the word "well".
Me: Because it was annoying me. And since you annoyed me first, that proves you are the more annoying one.
Hermione: Now I'm late for Arithmancy!
Me: You wouldn't be if you'd just answered my questions and not answered the irrelevant ones.
Hermione: ARGHHH!
Ginny
Ginny: Poor Hermione.
Me: What's so bad about Ron.
Ginny: You have to have lived with him for fourteen years to understand.
Me: Can't you explain it?
Ginny: He's stupid. He's messy and just plain annoying. Now picture living with that for fourteen years, keeping in mind he's older than you and tries to boss you around and then…
[This goes on for about half an hour. I get bored and tune out most of what she says but you get the gist. Finally Ginny has stopped talking and I, hoping she hasn't asked me a question, ask her one].
Me: What would you say to someone who claimed to be jealous of Hermione.
Ginny: They're probably jealous because she's so smart.
Me: No, because of Ron. For example, just pretend I was jealous. What would you say to me?
Ginny: Don't be jealous. Ron's not a nice person. Believe me.
Me: Okay. Thank you for talking to me about this.
Ginny: Why do you care what I think?
Me: That's just the kind of person I am. I care. (BIG cheesy smile)
Fred
Fred: (laughs) Ickle Ronniekins finally got a girlfriend. I've got to tell George and find Ron!
(Fred goes)
Me: I guess actions speak louder than words.
Mrs. Weasley
Mrs. Weasley: Hermione's a nice girl. I've always thought so.
Me: Not after that article Rita Skeeter wrote you didn't!
Mrs. Weasley: But that article was untrue so it doesn't count.
Me: You actually thought she would actually do something so scarlet woman- ish?
Mrs. Weasley: Scarlet woman is a common term isn't it?
Me: Yes it's a new term so not many people have heard it.
Mrs. Weasley: Ron told me it was a strange thing to say and that if I said it everyone would think I was weird.
Me: Well he was wrong. You didn't answer my question. Do you admit that you actually thought she would behave in that way?
Mrs. Weasley: Anything's possible. Shouldn't you be in school?
Me: I should.
Ron
[Ron is completely red the whole time. And not because he's been painted red or he is bleeding]
Ron: What? Me and Hermione?
Me: That's right. You've liked her since second year some people say.
Ron: Which people?
Me: You don't want to know. So, is it true?
Ron: No. We've always been friends and nothing has changed. Whoever said anything about me liking her is lying.
Me: I'll be right back.
[A few days later (I had to go home, which is in Australia, to get something. It isn't until I get back that I realise how stupid going back was)]
Me: Do you know where Ron is?
Dean: (pointing) He's over there, playing chess with Hermione.
Me: (grinning) Is that a euphemism?
(I look where he pointed)
Me: Oh. It's not.
Me: Ron, remember what we were talking about before?
Ron: I don't want to talk about it here. (looks around at many people who could here me saying something about him liking Hermione)
(We go somewhere else)
Me: I have four books for you to read.
Ron: Give them to Hermione, I don't want to read four books. Especially not that really fat one.
Me: You don't have to read them all, just the parts I high-lighted.
(Ron looks at the titles of the books)
Ron: Harry Potter? He's got his own books?
Me: Never mind that. See, they're about Harry, sure, but they also mention you and Hermione. Read this high-lighted part.
(Ron reads it)
Ron: Not the stupid Yule ball.
Me: See how obvious it is that you like her?
Ron: Wow! I guess I was sort of obvious.
Me: Ha! You admitted it! How cool!
A/N: Well, that was chapter two. Review it. Do you have any other ideas? Like before, If I don't get any, it's Malfoy/Hermione. If anyone cares, "you" was used about 70 times in this chapter.