Disclaimer: Am I J. K. Rowling? No
A/N: Moonlight Lily said she'd like me to do Harry/Hermione I and thought "How?" I've tried writing Hermione/Harry fics and I just can't do it. They always become Hermione/Ron. So if this sucks, I'm sorry.
Harry and Hermione
Dudley
Dudley: Who's Hermione?
Me: Oh, shit! I forgot. Forget I said anything.
Voldemort
Voldemort: (thoughtfully) Do you think he'd risk his life for Hermione?
Me: Maybe. Why?
Voldemort: What's her last name?
Me: Smith.
Voldemort: Okay. * Imperio *
(I go to Hogwarts and drag Hermione all the way back to Voldemort)
Voldemort: Excellent.
Harry
Harry: You mean Hermione's with Voldemort right now?!
Me: That's right.
Harry: You saw this happen and you didn't do anything?
Me: I have four words for you: Muggle vs. Unforgivable Curse.
Harry: So you're a muggle. Then how do you know about Voldemort and what are you doing here?
Me: Hello? Your girlfriend's with Voldemort!
Harry: Oh, right. Where is Voldemort?
Me: First we have to find Ron; I need to ask him some questions. Then I'll show you where.
Ron and Harry
Ron: Where are we going?
Harry: To find Voldemort.
Ron: Why?
Me: I just realised something! Harry, we can't go anywhere near Voldemort; he's trying to kill you. His plan is that since you and Hermione are going out—
Ron: What?
Me: —and you were friends before, you'd let him kill you if he didn't kill her.
Harry: What a stupid plan.
Ron: Since when are you two going out?
Me: Are you annoyed? Angry? Jealous?
Ron: She broke up with me and said she liked some other guy but she didn't tell me who. I can't believe it was you!
Harry: She told me she'd told you!
Me: Maybe she was about to and then I accidentally brought her here.
Harry: Where are we?
Me: This is it.
Ron: Sombreroholics Anonymous?
Harry: They're having a meeting.
Me: How amusing. They've got a hat shop right across from it! And it sells sombreros.
Harry: Maybe we should buy some to seem realistic if we want to fit it.
Me: Got money?
Ron: Of course he does.
Me: 'Kay, let's buy some sombreros.
(We do that. Then we walk into the room that has the sign "Sombreroholics Anonymous" on the door, wearing sombreros)
A Sombreroholic: A sombrero!
(Everyone is very excited. People try to take them off our heads and succeed, not that we care)
Gary: I see you certainly are Sombreroholics, if you came to a Sombreroholics Anonymous meeting wearing a sombrero.
Me: How dumb are we?
Harry: There's Voldemort!
Ron: Where's Hermione?
Me: Check the bathroom.
Harry: YOU check the bathroom.
Me: Oh, right.
(I check the bathroom. No one is there. After a while of looking around we give up and go back to Hogwarts)
Hermione: Where have you been? You got 50 points taken off Gryffindor for not showing up in Potions.
Ron: It was worth it. Potions sucks.
Harry: How did you get away from Voldemort.
Hermione: I'm not the top witch in my year for no reason.
Me: Can I talk to you about something, Hermione?
Hermione
Hermione: Harry thought he had to save me? I'm not vulnerable. I know lots of spells.
Me: How do you know that wasn't just luck? You have to admit you're lucky he wasn't actually after you.
Hermione: I guess.
Me: Under other circumstances, he would've just said, "Avada Kedavra" and killed you.
Hermione: Why would he kill me?
Me: He's Voldemort.
A/N: Flames are okay because this wasn't so good. And I've always wanted to use a fire extinguisher. What will chapter 4 be? Review and tell me.
A/N: Moonlight Lily said she'd like me to do Harry/Hermione I and thought "How?" I've tried writing Hermione/Harry fics and I just can't do it. They always become Hermione/Ron. So if this sucks, I'm sorry.
Harry and Hermione
Dudley
Dudley: Who's Hermione?
Me: Oh, shit! I forgot. Forget I said anything.
Voldemort
Voldemort: (thoughtfully) Do you think he'd risk his life for Hermione?
Me: Maybe. Why?
Voldemort: What's her last name?
Me: Smith.
Voldemort: Okay. * Imperio *
(I go to Hogwarts and drag Hermione all the way back to Voldemort)
Voldemort: Excellent.
Harry
Harry: You mean Hermione's with Voldemort right now?!
Me: That's right.
Harry: You saw this happen and you didn't do anything?
Me: I have four words for you: Muggle vs. Unforgivable Curse.
Harry: So you're a muggle. Then how do you know about Voldemort and what are you doing here?
Me: Hello? Your girlfriend's with Voldemort!
Harry: Oh, right. Where is Voldemort?
Me: First we have to find Ron; I need to ask him some questions. Then I'll show you where.
Ron and Harry
Ron: Where are we going?
Harry: To find Voldemort.
Ron: Why?
Me: I just realised something! Harry, we can't go anywhere near Voldemort; he's trying to kill you. His plan is that since you and Hermione are going out—
Ron: What?
Me: —and you were friends before, you'd let him kill you if he didn't kill her.
Harry: What a stupid plan.
Ron: Since when are you two going out?
Me: Are you annoyed? Angry? Jealous?
Ron: She broke up with me and said she liked some other guy but she didn't tell me who. I can't believe it was you!
Harry: She told me she'd told you!
Me: Maybe she was about to and then I accidentally brought her here.
Harry: Where are we?
Me: This is it.
Ron: Sombreroholics Anonymous?
Harry: They're having a meeting.
Me: How amusing. They've got a hat shop right across from it! And it sells sombreros.
Harry: Maybe we should buy some to seem realistic if we want to fit it.
Me: Got money?
Ron: Of course he does.
Me: 'Kay, let's buy some sombreros.
(We do that. Then we walk into the room that has the sign "Sombreroholics Anonymous" on the door, wearing sombreros)
A Sombreroholic: A sombrero!
(Everyone is very excited. People try to take them off our heads and succeed, not that we care)
Gary: I see you certainly are Sombreroholics, if you came to a Sombreroholics Anonymous meeting wearing a sombrero.
Me: How dumb are we?
Harry: There's Voldemort!
Ron: Where's Hermione?
Me: Check the bathroom.
Harry: YOU check the bathroom.
Me: Oh, right.
(I check the bathroom. No one is there. After a while of looking around we give up and go back to Hogwarts)
Hermione: Where have you been? You got 50 points taken off Gryffindor for not showing up in Potions.
Ron: It was worth it. Potions sucks.
Harry: How did you get away from Voldemort.
Hermione: I'm not the top witch in my year for no reason.
Me: Can I talk to you about something, Hermione?
Hermione
Hermione: Harry thought he had to save me? I'm not vulnerable. I know lots of spells.
Me: How do you know that wasn't just luck? You have to admit you're lucky he wasn't actually after you.
Hermione: I guess.
Me: Under other circumstances, he would've just said, "Avada Kedavra" and killed you.
Hermione: Why would he kill me?
Me: He's Voldemort.
A/N: Flames are okay because this wasn't so good. And I've always wanted to use a fire extinguisher. What will chapter 4 be? Review and tell me.