Disclaimer: None of this is mine.
Confessions of a Lover
Chapter 3: A New Hope
Spike was staring at Buffy from across the basement of his crypt, just watching how beautiful she was when she slept. He wanted so much to kiss her and hold her, to be one with her. But he knew he couldn't. She would never let him inside herself. Her soul was open to everyone but him. He walked over slowly and sat next to her on his bed and tried desperately to hold back the tears. His heart was broken knowing that he was so close and yet so far away. *How did I let her do this to me? Why did I have to fall in love with the one woman I could never have?*
He gently caressed her cheek with the back of his hand when Buffy's eyes began to flitter open. Spike averted his eyes and quickly drew back his hand hoping she hadn't realized he was making "moon eyes" at her.
"How long have I been here?"
"Only about and hour, pet." He remembered that she had thanked him earlier that night and wasn't sure whether or not to ask. However, he was curious and hesitantly asked "Why are you sorry?"
"What are you talking about?"
"When I found you in the cemetery the last thing you said to me was 'I'm sorry'. I was just wondering why. You have no need to apologize to the likes of me, luv."
"Oh, that. Well I am sorry for using you. Dawn knocked some sense into me and made me realize how I have treated you and well- I felt terrible." Her words were rushed, not sure what to say.
"Like I said before, I'm okay with it," which of course he really wasn't. He wanted her to love him back, but he would take what he could get. There was a long pause before Spike realized what Buffy had implied. "What do you bloody mean Dawn made you realize how you've treated me. She doesn't know about…" He stopped mid sentence thrown back by what this epiphany could mean. *Had the woman he loved finally admitted to being with him and in some way wanting him?*
Buffy looked to her feet as she shifted nervously in his bed. "You wanted everyone to know so… well… now they do." She glanced at Spike, who was totally speechless, and she began to mumble. "You said… and I thought… I didn't like how… I'm sorry." Her voiced trailed off and she quickly stood up ready to run out the door.
"Wait." Spike was unsure of what to say but found something to keep her from leaving. "Umm…Thank you," he managed with a stupefied look.
Buffy gave him a reassuring nod and slipped out the door before the news really sunk in to Spike. When he finally came out of the trance she had left him in, a quirky grin spread across his pale face. He fell back on his bed and thought that maybe he had a chance. There was something between them and she couldn't deny it, but now she might actually embrace it. Spike became dizzy at the thought of them together, both out of love for the other rather than him showing the love and her showing the disgust. As the rising of the sun approached, he drifted off to sleep with a smile still across his face that spread from ear to ear.
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As Buffy ran home to settle her previous argument with Dawn, she couldn't help but grin. She knew she had made Spike happy and done the right thing. However she did not know where this would take her. Now that she had admitted to Spike that she felt bad for misusing him, he might want her to admit to liking him, or worse, loving him. She hadn't even admitted these things to herself yet. *I am not in love with him, I am not in love with him* she thought as she came up to the door of her house.
"Dawn! Willow! Anybody here!"
"Buffy! Are you okay! The way you ran out of here I wasn't sure what to think," said willow, worry in her eyes.
"I went to tell Spike how I felt about using him. He was kind of in shock when I told him I told you guys, so I just left before he could say anything." Buffy searched the rooms in her view looking for Dawn.
"She's upstairs in her room."
"Thanks Will."
Buffy noticed that Dawn's door was slightly open so she peeked her head in and asked if they could talk. Dawn avoided looking at Buffy, but allowed her in. She felt so bad about the way she had treated her sister. *Why can't they just get together* she thought. *They are perfect for each other. Spike is perfect* Her thoughts drifted to how Spike must feel since Buffy had broken up with him. However, she quickly shifted back to the situation at hand and broke the silence.
"I shouldn't have spoken to you the way I did. It's just that Spike means so much to me and he's a good person. I don't want to see him hurt and- I mean… I didn't think about how you felt. I realize now that this is probably tearing you up inside."
"Dawn. You were right. I did use him. I just needed someone to tell me. I went to Spike and told him that I was sorry."
"You did?"
"Yeah. We aren't together again or anything… there's still a lot I need to figure out." Dawn hugged Buffy as a tear fell down her cheek. Even if she was just a key, Buffy loved her. She wasn't a key to Buffy; she was her sister, forever.
Don't worry it's not over. I just kinda had writer's block so this chapter isn't that good. Ch 4 will be better though. Things might just get a little steamy!
Please R/R! I need inspiration! (
Confessions of a Lover
Chapter 3: A New Hope
Spike was staring at Buffy from across the basement of his crypt, just watching how beautiful she was when she slept. He wanted so much to kiss her and hold her, to be one with her. But he knew he couldn't. She would never let him inside herself. Her soul was open to everyone but him. He walked over slowly and sat next to her on his bed and tried desperately to hold back the tears. His heart was broken knowing that he was so close and yet so far away. *How did I let her do this to me? Why did I have to fall in love with the one woman I could never have?*
He gently caressed her cheek with the back of his hand when Buffy's eyes began to flitter open. Spike averted his eyes and quickly drew back his hand hoping she hadn't realized he was making "moon eyes" at her.
"How long have I been here?"
"Only about and hour, pet." He remembered that she had thanked him earlier that night and wasn't sure whether or not to ask. However, he was curious and hesitantly asked "Why are you sorry?"
"What are you talking about?"
"When I found you in the cemetery the last thing you said to me was 'I'm sorry'. I was just wondering why. You have no need to apologize to the likes of me, luv."
"Oh, that. Well I am sorry for using you. Dawn knocked some sense into me and made me realize how I have treated you and well- I felt terrible." Her words were rushed, not sure what to say.
"Like I said before, I'm okay with it," which of course he really wasn't. He wanted her to love him back, but he would take what he could get. There was a long pause before Spike realized what Buffy had implied. "What do you bloody mean Dawn made you realize how you've treated me. She doesn't know about…" He stopped mid sentence thrown back by what this epiphany could mean. *Had the woman he loved finally admitted to being with him and in some way wanting him?*
Buffy looked to her feet as she shifted nervously in his bed. "You wanted everyone to know so… well… now they do." She glanced at Spike, who was totally speechless, and she began to mumble. "You said… and I thought… I didn't like how… I'm sorry." Her voiced trailed off and she quickly stood up ready to run out the door.
"Wait." Spike was unsure of what to say but found something to keep her from leaving. "Umm…Thank you," he managed with a stupefied look.
Buffy gave him a reassuring nod and slipped out the door before the news really sunk in to Spike. When he finally came out of the trance she had left him in, a quirky grin spread across his pale face. He fell back on his bed and thought that maybe he had a chance. There was something between them and she couldn't deny it, but now she might actually embrace it. Spike became dizzy at the thought of them together, both out of love for the other rather than him showing the love and her showing the disgust. As the rising of the sun approached, he drifted off to sleep with a smile still across his face that spread from ear to ear.
_________________
As Buffy ran home to settle her previous argument with Dawn, she couldn't help but grin. She knew she had made Spike happy and done the right thing. However she did not know where this would take her. Now that she had admitted to Spike that she felt bad for misusing him, he might want her to admit to liking him, or worse, loving him. She hadn't even admitted these things to herself yet. *I am not in love with him, I am not in love with him* she thought as she came up to the door of her house.
"Dawn! Willow! Anybody here!"
"Buffy! Are you okay! The way you ran out of here I wasn't sure what to think," said willow, worry in her eyes.
"I went to tell Spike how I felt about using him. He was kind of in shock when I told him I told you guys, so I just left before he could say anything." Buffy searched the rooms in her view looking for Dawn.
"She's upstairs in her room."
"Thanks Will."
Buffy noticed that Dawn's door was slightly open so she peeked her head in and asked if they could talk. Dawn avoided looking at Buffy, but allowed her in. She felt so bad about the way she had treated her sister. *Why can't they just get together* she thought. *They are perfect for each other. Spike is perfect* Her thoughts drifted to how Spike must feel since Buffy had broken up with him. However, she quickly shifted back to the situation at hand and broke the silence.
"I shouldn't have spoken to you the way I did. It's just that Spike means so much to me and he's a good person. I don't want to see him hurt and- I mean… I didn't think about how you felt. I realize now that this is probably tearing you up inside."
"Dawn. You were right. I did use him. I just needed someone to tell me. I went to Spike and told him that I was sorry."
"You did?"
"Yeah. We aren't together again or anything… there's still a lot I need to figure out." Dawn hugged Buffy as a tear fell down her cheek. Even if she was just a key, Buffy loved her. She wasn't a key to Buffy; she was her sister, forever.
Don't worry it's not over. I just kinda had writer's block so this chapter isn't that good. Ch 4 will be better though. Things might just get a little steamy!
Please R/R! I need inspiration! (