Don't Go Away
Part 4: No Longer A Regret…
Rating: It's important to mention this here, I think. The rating is PG 13/R (for uh…some sexual content…It's not NC-17, but it's not meant for general audiences) for this chapter ONLY (unless mentioned otherwise). I'm leaving the general rating at PG 13, but please keep this in mind when reading.
Summary: Rachel was killed in a car crash. Luke regrets that he never got the chance to tell her (Rachel) how much he loved her before he died. A dream made him realize that that is what has been haunting him and stopped him from mourning Rachel's death. This chapter: Luke vows not to let the same thing happen between him and Lorelai. (It's definitely *the* chapter for java junkies!)
A/N: I will no longer be requesting reviews for chapter updates. However, please review anyway. It let's me know that people are reading (and enjoying) the story! :)
__________
It had begun to snow that morning, soft, small flakes falling through the gray-blue sky. It was the day of Rachel's funeral and Lorelai got up earlier than usual. The night before, she had disclosed to Rory what had happened (surprisingly, she had not yet heard) and had told her that she was going with Luke to the funeral the following day.
She took her coat and scarf from the hook by the door and left for Luke's.
Luke had woken hours earlier. There was a sign on the door that said the Diner was closed for the day. He had also put on a pot of coffee for when Lorelai came to get him.
__________
They had taken Luke's truck. The ride there had been silent. When they reached the church, Luke had parked the truck and gotten out, but it was then he stopped. Lorelai walked to him and took his hand in hers, leading him to the entrance. Rachel's family acknowledged them as they went inside.
After the burial in the nearby cemetery, Luke and Lorelai remained until everyone else had left. She was still holding his hand, and to those who passed them, it may have seemed that he wouldn't be able to stand without her there. She asked if he wanted a moment. The cemetery was now empty, except for them. The snow was still circling around them. He nodded and Lorelai went back to the car to wait for him.
A half an hour later, he still hadn't come back. Lorelai walked to where he was and saw him kneeling in the snow at the headstone, the rose he hadn't laid upon her casket earlier still in his hand. She walked to Luke and placed a hand on his shoulder. He looked up at her, his eyes red from crying. She leaned down and held him.
After a while, he pulled away from her and placed the rose on the top of the headstone. He whispered something that Lorelai couldn't hear, then stood.
"Are you ready to go?" She asked.
"Yes."
They walked together to his truck.
__________
The ride back to Stars Hollow was as silent as the ride from. When she stepped out of the truck, Luke asked her if she wanted to come inside for some coffee. She agreed and followed him. He led her upstairs, to his apartment. It was Spring vacation for Jess and he had gone home to visit his mother.
Luke started the coffee maker on the counter and Lorelai sat down on the couch.
"I've spent the last week trying to figure out what to say to make you feel better, to make this, somehow, okay." She said, softly.
He looked up. "I don't know if there's anything you could say right now." She nodded. He got a mug out of the cupboard and placed it on the counter before walking over to her. Luke took in a deep breath before speaking again. "I need to tell you something, but I don't know how."
"Luke, you don't—"
"Yes, I do." He said, interrupting her. He paused for moment and walked towards her. "I had this dream last night. You were there and so was Rachel. You were talking to her. I walked toward you and I must have blinked or something, because the next moment, you weren't there. I asked her where you went and she asked me…uh, a question." He paused again, "I woke up and I realized what was missing, why I couldn't mourn Rachel's death and move on. I didn't have a chance to tell her, before she died, what I needed to. I can't take that chance again."
"What do you mean?"
He took in a shaky breath and walked the final steps that separated them. "I can't risk not telling you how I feel. Lorelai, I…" He tried to form the words, but he realized there was no voice backing them. He looked deep into her eyes and took her face in his hands. Her eyes searched Luke's for an explanation, but within a second she wouldn't need one.
He leaned down and kissed her deeply. She had certainly not expected him to do so, and was taken aback momentarily. To her own surprise, she lifted her arms and wrapped them around his neck. He opened his mouth and she did too, their tongues meeting and twisting. He walked backwards, towards his bedroom, never letting her go. She could feel his hands at the buttons on her shirt. They separated briefly and she put her hands over his while she watched him. When he was finished she looked back up at him and kissed him again.
He gently lifted her in his arms and laid her on the bed. He reached for the side zipper on her skirt and she pulled away from him.
"Luke…Luke, we can't," she whispered. She lay on her side, facing him. She had had the occasional thought of this with Luke but she never really considered them having a relationship that didn't mean just being friends. Her hand lightly grazed his cheek as she spoke. "I can't do this. You're hurting and I can't do this without feeling like I'm taking advantage of you and the way you feel right now."
"I love you, Lorelai. I've loved you for so long." Her heart jumped. "Rachel left last summer because she knew I was in love with you. And in my dream last night, she asked if I told you. That's why I couldn't let go of her. I hadn't had the chance to tell her that I loved her before she was gone. I didn't want that to happen to us. I couldn't make the same mistake."
She kissed his forehead. "I love you, too." The words left her mouth before she even thought of saying them, but she knew that they were true and that she wasn't going to take them back. Luke, smiling for the first time that week, took her in his arms again and held her tightly.
__________
A/N: I don't know if this is the end or not. We'll see. If it's not, java junkies will want to read through the end because I promise that if I do continue, this isn't how I'm going to leave Luke and Lorelai…
Please remember to review if you haven't already. Should I continue? I could use some ideas for what should happen in the next chapter or so, if I decide to! :)
Part 4: No Longer A Regret…
Rating: It's important to mention this here, I think. The rating is PG 13/R (for uh…some sexual content…It's not NC-17, but it's not meant for general audiences) for this chapter ONLY (unless mentioned otherwise). I'm leaving the general rating at PG 13, but please keep this in mind when reading.
Summary: Rachel was killed in a car crash. Luke regrets that he never got the chance to tell her (Rachel) how much he loved her before he died. A dream made him realize that that is what has been haunting him and stopped him from mourning Rachel's death. This chapter: Luke vows not to let the same thing happen between him and Lorelai. (It's definitely *the* chapter for java junkies!)
A/N: I will no longer be requesting reviews for chapter updates. However, please review anyway. It let's me know that people are reading (and enjoying) the story! :)
__________
It had begun to snow that morning, soft, small flakes falling through the gray-blue sky. It was the day of Rachel's funeral and Lorelai got up earlier than usual. The night before, she had disclosed to Rory what had happened (surprisingly, she had not yet heard) and had told her that she was going with Luke to the funeral the following day.
She took her coat and scarf from the hook by the door and left for Luke's.
Luke had woken hours earlier. There was a sign on the door that said the Diner was closed for the day. He had also put on a pot of coffee for when Lorelai came to get him.
__________
They had taken Luke's truck. The ride there had been silent. When they reached the church, Luke had parked the truck and gotten out, but it was then he stopped. Lorelai walked to him and took his hand in hers, leading him to the entrance. Rachel's family acknowledged them as they went inside.
After the burial in the nearby cemetery, Luke and Lorelai remained until everyone else had left. She was still holding his hand, and to those who passed them, it may have seemed that he wouldn't be able to stand without her there. She asked if he wanted a moment. The cemetery was now empty, except for them. The snow was still circling around them. He nodded and Lorelai went back to the car to wait for him.
A half an hour later, he still hadn't come back. Lorelai walked to where he was and saw him kneeling in the snow at the headstone, the rose he hadn't laid upon her casket earlier still in his hand. She walked to Luke and placed a hand on his shoulder. He looked up at her, his eyes red from crying. She leaned down and held him.
After a while, he pulled away from her and placed the rose on the top of the headstone. He whispered something that Lorelai couldn't hear, then stood.
"Are you ready to go?" She asked.
"Yes."
They walked together to his truck.
__________
The ride back to Stars Hollow was as silent as the ride from. When she stepped out of the truck, Luke asked her if she wanted to come inside for some coffee. She agreed and followed him. He led her upstairs, to his apartment. It was Spring vacation for Jess and he had gone home to visit his mother.
Luke started the coffee maker on the counter and Lorelai sat down on the couch.
"I've spent the last week trying to figure out what to say to make you feel better, to make this, somehow, okay." She said, softly.
He looked up. "I don't know if there's anything you could say right now." She nodded. He got a mug out of the cupboard and placed it on the counter before walking over to her. Luke took in a deep breath before speaking again. "I need to tell you something, but I don't know how."
"Luke, you don't—"
"Yes, I do." He said, interrupting her. He paused for moment and walked towards her. "I had this dream last night. You were there and so was Rachel. You were talking to her. I walked toward you and I must have blinked or something, because the next moment, you weren't there. I asked her where you went and she asked me…uh, a question." He paused again, "I woke up and I realized what was missing, why I couldn't mourn Rachel's death and move on. I didn't have a chance to tell her, before she died, what I needed to. I can't take that chance again."
"What do you mean?"
He took in a shaky breath and walked the final steps that separated them. "I can't risk not telling you how I feel. Lorelai, I…" He tried to form the words, but he realized there was no voice backing them. He looked deep into her eyes and took her face in his hands. Her eyes searched Luke's for an explanation, but within a second she wouldn't need one.
He leaned down and kissed her deeply. She had certainly not expected him to do so, and was taken aback momentarily. To her own surprise, she lifted her arms and wrapped them around his neck. He opened his mouth and she did too, their tongues meeting and twisting. He walked backwards, towards his bedroom, never letting her go. She could feel his hands at the buttons on her shirt. They separated briefly and she put her hands over his while she watched him. When he was finished she looked back up at him and kissed him again.
He gently lifted her in his arms and laid her on the bed. He reached for the side zipper on her skirt and she pulled away from him.
"Luke…Luke, we can't," she whispered. She lay on her side, facing him. She had had the occasional thought of this with Luke but she never really considered them having a relationship that didn't mean just being friends. Her hand lightly grazed his cheek as she spoke. "I can't do this. You're hurting and I can't do this without feeling like I'm taking advantage of you and the way you feel right now."
"I love you, Lorelai. I've loved you for so long." Her heart jumped. "Rachel left last summer because she knew I was in love with you. And in my dream last night, she asked if I told you. That's why I couldn't let go of her. I hadn't had the chance to tell her that I loved her before she was gone. I didn't want that to happen to us. I couldn't make the same mistake."
She kissed his forehead. "I love you, too." The words left her mouth before she even thought of saying them, but she knew that they were true and that she wasn't going to take them back. Luke, smiling for the first time that week, took her in his arms again and held her tightly.
__________
A/N: I don't know if this is the end or not. We'll see. If it's not, java junkies will want to read through the end because I promise that if I do continue, this isn't how I'm going to leave Luke and Lorelai…
Please remember to review if you haven't already. Should I continue? I could use some ideas for what should happen in the next chapter or so, if I decide to! :)