In Love and War

(unfinished)

Written by Luna Manar

"Part of me wants to call you up,

and talk to you like a friend

And there's a  part of me that wants to shut you out—

And never see your face again."

Prologue

Hey Quistis!

Well, here I am again, writing to you for the sole purpose of whining at somebody. You probably noticed by now that Squall and I aren't at Balamb Garden. That's because we took a little trip, so don't worry—well, let me start at the beginning.

            You know what? I think some people do the wrong things for the right reason. And I don't just mean misjudged movie villains. I mean even everyday people; friends, relatives, even parents. Particularly parents. I guess they think they know what's best.

            I think Ca... I think my dad's been leaving me alone mostly because he knows about my being a sorceress. Ever since Cid told him about that, he hasn't spoken to me, which hasn't bothered me at all, to be honest. But I know he still wants me to come back and be his little girl. He just figured out that he couldn't get me to do that by talking to me, and that no one would try and back him up if he asked for help in it this time (it's not like the general public thinks I can't hold my own. My guess is the last time Caraway tried to convince someone ELSE that I should come home, they laughed in his face). ...So he sent me a message the other day—didn't really contact me, didn't come over here himself, just sent me a stupid message—that he's sending some of his people to take Angelo back to Deling City. The REALLY STUPID thing is, he can do it. Angelo...actually belongs to him. Technically. Caraway bought him, so...if he wants Angelo back, I can't do anything about it without breaking the law. I'm going to do it, anyway, whether he likes it or not.

            I know why he sent me a message instead of talking to me. This way I don't have enough time to argue with him. I've tried to contact him, but he's always "away on business" every time I try to call in. Yeah, right. He's just conveniently not there. And he KNOWS this is going to get to me, he KNOWS how much Angelo means to me... And Angelo gets depressive and won't eat or drink or anything if I'm not somewhere nearby. If Angelo goes back to Deling City—unless I go with him—he's going to pine away and get really sick. It happened once when I left for a whole summer to start working on the Forest Owls. I had to come back home for a few days to get some things from my room, but when I got there I found out Angelo had been really, really sick for a whole month and no one knew what was wrong with him. So I ended up staying for a while, and he recovered in a couple weeks… When I left again I took him with me (without telling my dad, which I'm sure made him pretty mad to begin with).

            It isn't fair. It's manipulative, it's using Angelo to manipulate me, and it's just not fair. Don't think I didn't give the people who came to get "my" dog a piece of my mind…

Caraway's serious and I can't do anything about it...but I can't just let him DO this to me.

            I talked to Cid about it, and, since the...incident with Bahamut...Galbadia hasn't said a word or made a move. It's more than just retreating, I mean they haven't been doing ANYTHING, except a lot of construction in the center of their territory... I think Bahamut did a lot of damage and they're trying to reorganize themselves. But anyway, at least for a while, it doesn't look like Galbadia would attack even if they wanted to, so...when my dad's little henchmen came to get Angelo, I went with them, and I took Squall with me. I think my dad will expect to see me. I don't think he'll expect to see Squall. Garden pretty much knows about us, now, but I can promise you my dad doesn't have a CLUE about Squall. All he knows is that SeeD defeated Ultimecia. He'd just remember Squall as the guy who he sent on a practical suicide mission to kill Edea.

            I'm not planning on using Squall to get back at my dad or anything. Actually, the reason I talked to Cid was because Squall wanted to go with me...he asked to, if I went. So...I'm not going to say no. Not as though I wouldn't want him to come anyway.

            I don't know what I'm going to do once we get there, though... I just don't know. I guess we'll think of something. I just...I don't want to see Caraway. I don't want to talk to him, I don't want to look at him. Every time I hear anything about him or from him he embarrasses me and disgusts me more. To play such a dirty trick on his own daughter just to get her to come home...it isn't right, and it's just... I hate it. It's almost as senseless as this whole stupid war. The only real difference is that no one dies. I just get hurt, and other people—Squall, Cid, my DOG, for goodness sake—get dragged into it...and it just makes me feel so horrible I want to scream.

            Sorry for dumping all this on you. It isn't your problem, but I had to say something to someone other than Squall, I guess. He already knows anyway. I don't like whining in person (so what do I do? I go whine in a letter somewhere)...

            So we're on our way to Deling City right now. And right now, at least, I don't have anything better to d... Scratch that. I just got the "evil" look from Squall. (laugh)

There isn't much to tell right now, except that I had a grand time chewing out Herah, Claude and James (they're the nitwits my dad sent to come pick up Angelo). But of course that didn't really do anything to stop them from taking him. So here I am, sitting in the cargo bay of a Dollet seaship, in a windowless room with Squall and Angelo (it isn't like my dad was going to send tickets).

            It wouldn't be too bad if it weren't for a couple of things. One, this is no speed ship. We've been here since late last night, when they came to get Angelo (thought they could sneak by me just by coming late at night, huh?)…and it's getting sort of stuffy.

            Two, being in such close quarters for a whole night and day, we've just found out the hard way that Squall is slightly allergic to dogs. It never showed up before, but then again he's never been holed up in a tiny room with one before. So now he's grouchy because he can't stop sneezing and his eyes are all itchy. Plus he had to double as a pillow last night, which he wouldn't have minded at all if Angelo hadn't insisted on sleeping right next to me. I guess we now know what it's like to sleep with the dogs. Or one dog ("whatever").

            We're supposed to get there by this evening, but it seems like we've been in here forever already. "Just" three more hours, Squall says. I wish I had his patience for long rides. I'm about to go nuts, and I think he is, too, but he's just pretending not to be antsy. I'll tell you this much: Angelo's not the only one who's going to need a walk once we get there.

            There's not much left to tell you about...except, for some reason, I'm kind of scared. I don't know why... I don't know what there is to be scared of. I haven't said anything about it, and Squall hasn't mentioned it, but I'm sure he's felt it by now. I guess he doesn't know why, either. I'm not scared of Caraway. He's the biggest coward in the world and couldn't hold an honest debate with me for two minutes without chickening out and using his stupid "I'm your father, and I'm not going to discuss this with you anymore," escape route. He uses his position as a wall to hide behind when he feels like he's losing an argument. Like being a GENERAL makes him right. I still wonder why people call him "General." General nothing. More like a General Pain-In-The-Neck.

This time, it's not just "Rinoa, come home," it's "Since you won't come home, your dog will." I wonder what his excuse is going to be this time.

            I'm even more curious about what he'll think when he sees Squall. The only thing he knows about Squall is that he was the leader of the SeeD group that was hired to kill Edea. Come to think of it, since we never went to his mansion after that, I wonder if he still thinks Squall is dead. After what happened to him on the float, I mean.

            Speaking of that...this a little off the subject, but I've wondered about it sometimes. I still don't really know what happened to Squall right after that night. Before we even went to the drill prison, I mean. Up until recently, I didn't think he remembered anything about it, himself. Now...I think he does remember, but he won't let himself think about it. More than any other memory, he avoids that and what happened to him in the drill prison the most…with the exception of the fight with Ultimecia, but I think that goes without saying. It's different than if he thought about it and just didn't say anything. Then I'd know more about it, but...he doesn't even let himself think about it. I know it bothers him, because he sort of inwardly cringes every time he sees Seifer. I can understand that, but I think it's more than just Seifer, I think it's everything that Seifer makes him remember. Or almost remember, I guess.

            The only time he ever talked about any of it was actually in a discussion he and Xu and I were having one night when we had some free time. We were sort of joking around with him about how many times he's "almost" died, and that he's just so stubborn about not getting killed, if the reaper came to him in person, Squall would probably just walk right past him and tell him to go "get a life." The fun part was he was actually playing along with it (strange as it sounds, Squall's very capable of kidding around when he wants to, as you know). We went off on a tangent and Xu was telling us about how she got her leg stuck in a miscast ice spell and couldn't move it again for a few days even after she got un-stuck, because her mind still hadn't registered the fact her foot wasn't frozen anymore. She said something about how annoying it was to have "cold feet" for days on end, and Squall was like, "Oh, man, don't talk to ME about 'cold.'" He had one of those smirks on his face that you can sort of tell, "it's not really funny at all, but I'm going to make like it's nothing." It's one of those situations where you'll laugh at the way something's said, but kind of nervously, because you were there and you know it really isn't something that's laughable. I don't know why he even said it. Usually if he doesn't want to talk about something, he won't bring it up even if he has something to say about it.

            Xu didn't really know what happened, so of course she HAD to ask why. I don't blame her, I mean, she didn't know, but I almost wish she hadn't asked because at the time it was something that I could hardly stand to think about. He sort of described what happened, but not in a lot of detail. Just enough so that Xu got the idea (I've noticed that people around here—well, Garden, at least—like to refer to getting taken out or killed in-action as getting "nailed." I wonder if there's a story behind that...). But the thing that surprised me was that he actually did answer her question. He said something to the effect of, "Shivering yourself to pieces isn't being cold. That's feeling cold. When your heart goes numb and your whole body stops, and you feel yourself freeze from the inside out until the air around you feels hot...then you'll know what I mean." Not those exact words, but something close. He didn't say anything else about it after that, and Xu was smart enough to change the subject. But ever since then I've wondered what really brought that on. Unless he'd WANTED to say it, he wouldn't have.

            I guess part of what made me think about it is that even though being in a little room with a dog that's giving him the sniffles is making him a little grouchy, he seems almost relieved that he's away from Garden. He's not showing it, but I can feel it from him. It's half the reason he asked to go with me in the first place. Ever since Seifer came back, Squall's been uncomfortable. They seem to avoid each other as much as possible. I wish it didn't have to be like that. But I haven't asked about it. Maybe I should. I just don't want to sound like a shrink (If there's ANYTHING Squall hates...).

            And you know, maybe the best time to talk to him about it is near the place where the whole thing happened. Maybe that's the reason I'm scared.

--Rinoa

PS: Incidentally, I wonder what would happen if I actually pitched a temper tantrum at my dad—as I am now. It's kind of a funny image to think of Caraway having to duck a few levitating projectiles while I scream at him. Of course, it'd probably make a terrible mess, and I wouldn't want to send Squall running to hide behind a couch, too, so I don't think I'm going to make testing that theory out one of my priorities. At any rate, this pencil is wearing out, so I'd better stop. See you later, and I'll send this letter out as soon as I get the chance.

*

            Deling City—Dark, majestic. Antique in appearance, but advanced in design, it had once been the marvel of Galbadia, an ode to the empire's power and wrathful majesty. It was most glorious after sunset, when the lights of the inner city competed with the glow of the stars for possession of the night. Its inner gates and massive carousel clock had become the stuff of legend in this area of the world.

            It's once powerful army had dissolved into a smattering of hired hands. The carousel clock, once so exalted, was in terrible disrepair, and no longer graced the hours of nightfall with its magic and music. No one gave it so much as a second glance anymore, walking under the great gates of the once-powerful city and wondering about nothing more important than the grocery list and what time to pick up the kids from daycare. Graffiti decorated the watchtower and Castle Deling, and the subways were quiet and empty.

            Deling City was now a Relic—a has-been to be lost in history. It was the rusting steel crown of the conqueror Galbadia, treasured and mistreated by its current owners, the Dollet Dukedom. The government was now that of a pacifist republic; its capitalistic economy had suffered terribly in its new environment, and the once-Galbadian city had withered during the past two years from a bustling capital to a run-down, isolated community with few connections, and even fewer resources.

            And, as conspicuous as the nose on a clown, the Caraway Mansion stood tall and proud at the head of a crumbling capital, the laughable punch-line of an obscene political joke.

            Day 1 - Demands

            The opening of the door to one of the mansion's numerous living rooms gave General Caraway a start that almost caused him to spill his wineglass. He had been unusually tense these past few days, and for the very reason that was walking through the doorway the moment he turned around.

            He composed himself quickly, calming his demeanor. He nodded toward the young woman dressed in blue. She was watching him with an expression that was expectant, and nothing short of mildly disgusted. Nevertheless, he addressed her. "Rinoa. I'm glad you decided to come home—"

He was interrupted before he could say another word. Her voice was sharp and tart. "Yeah, sure. Out of curiosity, do you ship all your relatives first class?"

            Caraway sighed sadly and shook his head, turning away from his daughter's dark eyes in a vain attempt to escape them. But this did nothing to negate her stabbing remark, and the stare of her narrow-edged eyes plunged through his back like a thousand knives. "I see you're still yourself," he answered lamely, avoiding her question. He set his glass down on one of the cherry wood coffee tables.

            "Sell Angelo to me."

            This made him face her again, and quickly, as though he'd just heard an explosion from where she stood. "Rinoa, this is—"

            "I have the money to buy him from you and then some. You want to avoid a problem," she leaned forward a little, hands on her hips, as though scolding him, "so let me take care of him. It's easier that way."

            Caraway rubbed at his temples with two fingers and his thumb. "I'm afraid…it is just not that simple, Rinoa. There are insurance matters to be discussed and records to be transferred."

            "Fine. Then we'll stay here for as long as it takes to get all that cleared up." She turned to leave.

            His brow furrowed, Caraway dared reach out toward her, but pulled his hand back before it even neared her. "Rinoa, who is 'we?'" He stayed himself completely when she turned around again.

            "Squall and I," she said flatly, as though he should have known the answer years ago to begin with.

            Squall. The name rang a bell in Caraway's head. It took him a moment of staring mutely at Rinoa before recognition filtered onto his face. "Squall. The SeeD agent that led the assassination attempt last year?"

            "Right on." There was nothing at all complimentary about Rinoa's tone.

            Caraway frowned and shook his head. "Don't be ridiculous. Squall Leonhart, isn't it? That boy is dead, Rinoa. Surely you know that."

            "Oh, I know what you're talking about. I was there, remember? But Squall isn't dead. He's downstairs in the lobby." She paused long enough to note Caraway's skeptical gaze, then sighed irritably. "If you don't believe me, you can go look for yourself." She turned around again and walked out the door, moving, she hoped, too quickly for Caraway to easily keep up.

            It was nothing less than strange to Caraway, seeing Squall for a second time, with his own eyes to prove the SeeD was indeed still alive and breathing. The "general" was tempted to ask how someone could possibly survive such an injury as Squall had suffered at the hands of Edea, but tactfully refrained from doing so, choosing instead to approach him with all hospitality.

Rinoa watched with her arms folded from a few feet away, silent as stone, as Caraway strode importantly over to the cushioned bench that Squall was nearly slouching in, in what was typical of his manner so far as Caraway could gather. The general stood before his "guest," offered his hand. "Squall Leonhart. A pleasant surprise to see you well."

            Squall sat up a little and acknowledged Caraway with a look and a nod, but did not take the offered hand.

            Caraway let his arm drop to his side with a deceptively comfortable smile. "I assume you are Rinoa's escort?"

            The SeeD's face almost betrayed a smirk. Almost. "Something like that."

            "Ah. You must be held in great esteem, for Rinoa to pay so highly for such a bodyguard."

            Squall sat up completely at this, even leaned back in his seat, said in all grave seriousness, "I'm not getting money for it." He made a hard point of making eye-contact. Certainly he was sincere. "This isn't an assignment."

            "Oh…" This came as a surprise to Caraway, who made no attempt not to show it. "I see. You…chose to accompany Rinoa."

            Squall saw no point in confirming the obvious.

            A sharp bark interrupted this uncomfortable exchange, causing all to look toward one of the adjoining rooms.

            Angelo bounded happily through the open doorway, folded ears bouncing. He padded blithely over to Rinoa, whose unnatural scowl faded away at the sight of him. She knelt to ruffle the dog's bushy mane. She whispered something to the animal, who responded by sitting on his haunches with a soft "wuf." Then she cast a vicious glare at Caraway, who ceased watching the little spectacle upon receiving the silent rebuke. Once certain Caraway had been sufficiently scolded, Rinoa looked over toward Squall, who did not look back, though he knew he was being eyed. I don't want to leave him here, she told him silently, firmly. Not with Caraway.

            Squall responded to the mental commentary by rubbing briefly at his forehead. He pretended to daydream while he answered in kind. I know.

But?

I don't think one night here will kill him.

Rinoa looked sadly into Angelo's bright black eyes, which beamed gleefully at her. I guess you're right.

Not understanding her worried expression, Angelo put his front paws up in the air in his best impression of a 'don't shoot!'

Rinoa grinned and took the outstretched paws, in doing so creating a small steeple between them. "I have to go for now, but I'll be back tomorrow, okay? We'll get out of this old house for the day. You can be the dog about town tomorrow. Right?" She let go of Angelo's paws and stood up as he barked agreeably.

"You're not staying here?" Caraway's question actually sounded somewhat worried. Rinoa hardly noticed.

"No, we're not. I'll be back to take Angelo for a walk tomorrow morning sometime." She gave the dog a last rub between the ears and turned for the door. Squall stood up silently and followed close behind her.

Caraway stepped after them nervously. "Rinoa—"

Exasperated, Rinoa stopped and spun around where she was. She glared around Squall at Caraway. "I'm not going to run off with Angelo without telling you. Don't wind yourself in a knot about it." Rolling her eyes in annoyance, she turned back around and opened the door, slipping outside before it had swung even halfway wide.

Angelo sat where he was and watched them go, gave a quiet, quizzical whine when Squall glanced back over his shoulder before leaving.

If Squall could have answered the dog's question, he would have. If Caraway had the same question on his face, Squall hadn't seen it, for he hadn't looked.

As it was, he didn't know the answer, himself.