Title: I Never Realized, pt 3
Author: Josephine
Email: Lovellama@aol.com
Pairing: Pt 1 M/S, Pt 2 T/S, Pt 3 A/S
Rating: PG
Summary: A challenge from Saturn's Orbit, where the first line of the story is: 'I never realized that you were capable of doing something that stupid.'
Category: General/Romance
Written: April 15, 2002

For Pheny ...

* * * * *

I Never Realized Jon

I never realized that you were capable of doing something that stupid. You've really done it this time, Jon.

Looking down at Hoshi, her eyes wide with shock and her lips red from the kiss he had just given her, Jon felt his heart sink into his boots.

"Hoshi …"

"Don't say it. If you're sorry, that's fine, just don't say it. You can pretend this never happened. It's this place … being away from Enterprise … it's not how you really feel." Stumbling over her words, Hoshi quickly turned and entered her room, leaving a stunned Jon staring at the wooden door.

He placed his hand against the planks. "I'm not sorry. Not at all. This isn't over, Hoshi."

Jon walked back along the hallway to his own room. Standing by the window, he looked out on the frozen wasteland below him. This place … how on Earth can she think it's this place? He gave his reflection a wry grin. Spending all your time bundled up in thermal gear conducting trade talks was not favorable to romance. About the only actual part of Hoshi he saw anymore was the tip of her pink nose, or maybe her chapped cheeks. But working so closely with just her these past few days, seeing her upturned face as he said goodnight …the kiss had been a foregone conclusion.

As to being away from the Enterprise … maybe it is being away from the ship. Only because I could never get you to see past my rank. And for your information, Hoshi, it is how I really feel. Jon had been taken with her from the first time he saw her; standing confidently in front of a group of students, coaxing the guttural sounds of the Vulcan language from them.

Sighing, Jon peeled off a few outer layers and climbed into his bed. It isn't over, Hoshi …

-----

Jon still hadn't figured out what to do the next morning. How do you convince someone it's not infatuation? He sat in the sauna, feeding the fire around the stones. Inside he was frozen; he wanted to roast, to feel warm again. Leaning his head against the wall, Jon closed his eyes.

"Captain? Jon?" At the light touch on his shoulder Jon's eyes snapped open to see a startled Hoshi. "I thought you fell asleep. They said to be sure not to, that you could die from the heat …"

"I remember, Hoshi." He watched as Hoshi nodded, biting her lip. Jon's hand snaked out to encircle her wrist as she went to leave.

"Don't go."

"Captain …"

"Jon. I need to talk to you, Hoshi."

"I don't think …"

"Hoshi. Just listen." He let go of her wrist, and after a moment Hoshi sat down on the other side of the circular room. Jon tossed another measure of water onto the hot stones and watched the steam fill the room.

"How do you convince someone it's not infatuation? Do you tell her that the moment you met you were struck by how vibrant she was? How everyone else was reduced to being just a foil for her? That when you are apart, and things get hectic, you don't always think of her; but when you do, she's like a gyroscope, centering you again. Catching a glimpse of her across the room brings an adrenaline spike that evens out to a thrill that lasts the rest of the day. To hear her voice revitalizes you, calms you." He closed his eyes, feeling the sweat pour out from his body.

"Or maybe that you're amazed at the strength she has in her. To keep going after all that has happened, all she's been through. Conquering her fears, trying to overcome her doubts about her own abilities. Do you say to her you're in awe of her talents, the way her mind works, her gift of making sense of the tortuous puzzle of alien languages? That she has a wicked sense of humor, that you admire the spunk she has, even with her self-doubts?

"You'd even tell her that she sometimes aggravates you; the way she doesn't believe in herself, the way she has too much spunk and doesn't always follow orders without pushing back. That you wished she wasn't so nervous of space flight, that she wasn't so afraid all the wonderful new things that she's seeing and experiencing." Jon sighed.

"So you tell her. Because you love her. And there might be a small chance that she loves you back. And if she does, then it was worth it. And if she doesn't …"

Feeling a hand on his arm, Jon opened his eyes to see Hoshi smiling at him. "But she does."