"Breathe"
Chapter Two
By Sinclair
Standard Disclaimers Apply
The next morning, Serena greeted Darien cheerfully as she scampered about the kitchen in a frilly little apron over her pajamas. "I hope you're hungry! I made a lot of food today. Since it's such a nice day out today, I thought we'd have breakfast out on the terrace." She smiled sweetly at Darien and kissed his cheek in a morning greeting.
Darien absently stared out the window then turned to her. "Actually, I thought I would go to work early today. There's a lot I have to catch up on," he said to her. He turned around to head for the door, missing the look or hurt and disappointment on Serena's face.
"I'll be home as usual. Maybe we'll go out to dinner tonight," he added as he finally noticed the look on her face. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'll make this up to you." With that he was out the door before she could even respond.
She hurled the bowl of grapefruit against the wall.
She spent the entire day, sitting at the water's edge, staring out at the cool hypnotizing waves as they splashed against the white sand. No one could tell how puffy her eyes really were underneath the dark glasses she wore. She sighed, no longer able to cry anymore. She knew that she was being ridiculous and she felt ashamed. She was married to the man now, not Raye. It was really her fault, she thought to herself. It was she that kept Raye in the relationship. Why was she obsessing over a dead woman? She smiled wryly to herself trying to convince herself that she probably thought more about Raye then Darien did himself, though she had caught Darien a countless number of times in his study with the picture in one hand and a glass of wine in the other. She knew that somehow she would have to let go of these selfish thoughts; that she had to stop being so insecure. Instead of acting like this, she should be comforting Darien. Yes, although it hurt her to admit it, he was still grieving. That was obvious. So she had to drop her childishness and be there for him. Help him with his grief. Standing up with renewed energy and determination, she made her way back into the house to prepare for their night on the town.
When Darien came home that evening, Serena was already waiting and ready to go. And so she fidgeted, tidying things up in the spotless home, not having anything else to do, when there was a knock at the door. Not expecting anyone, she wondered who would possibly be visiting at this hour. As soon as she opened the door, all coherent thought left her as her mouth dropped open. Was this the extent to which she had lost her sanity? She would have slammed the door in fright, and ran to find Darien to see if she was dreaming, but suddenly she heard a sharp intake of breath behind her.
"Raye…" Darien whispered.
Standing in the doorway, Raye was the first to speak. "Darien," she choked out, tears falling down her cheeks. "My god, I-I," she struggled with the words, stopping when her emotions were too overwhelming. Darien immediately brushed passed Serena and pulled her into a tight embrace, as if afraid that she were an apparition. She had been led by Darien into the living room where they now all sat in relative silence, all of them in shock. Serena felt awkward as she sat there, not really part of the homecoming or reunion or whatever this was. She was just the passive listener, watching a scene that she felt that she could not be a part of. Darien and Raye stared at each other for a long while before Darien had finally broken the silence.
"My god, Raye," he spoke softly, lightly touching her hair, awed that she could be real. "It's really you. I-I thought that-that you had died," Darien's voice broke out, and the tears began to pour down unchecked down his cheeks. Serena wanted desperately to take him in her arms and wipe them away, but she felt that it was no longer her place. "How?" he finally was able to choke out.
"I don't know," she whispered. She too had tears streaming down her cheeks, her lips trembling as she tried to control her emotions. "I just woke up one day, in this strange house. The people there, this elderly couple Molly and Melvin, they took me in, they said that I was in an accident in the ocean. God, Darien! I was so lost, I couldn't remember a thing!" she cried out throwing herself into his arms. His arms instantly went around her, trying to comfort her. Serena watched all this, her own tears forming. They were so perfect together, she thought, the love that emanated from them was so real and pure. She never felt anything like that come from him for her. She felt so broken and out of place that she quietly slipped out, leaving the two privacy. She didn't belong there.
Darien vaguely noticed that Serena had left, and felt affection for her. She understood him, that he needed to be alone with Raye. He turned his attention back to his fiancé. "What happened?" he whispered urgently, wanting her to continue, wanting to know all that she had gone through, to feel the pain that she had gone through.
"I tried so hard to remember. I knew that there was something that I needed to do. I stayed with them for almost all of the past two years. God, everyday living, knowing that there was something missing from my life! It was terrible! Finally, one day, we went out for a picnic, on the shore, and suddenly I remembered. I saw the place where our boat had capsized, and I remembered you, and…" she trailed off, now sobbing loudly and uncontrollably.
"Shh- it's okay now. I'm here."
"When I realized it, I spent everyday trying to find out where you had gone. For the past few months, that's all I did. Molly and Melvin helped me, and they took care of me. I then learned that you lived here-that you had married," she stopped her tears falling in earnest and she gripped Darien tighter. "I didn't come to break your marriage. I just had to see you. I went through so much, and I just had to see you! I know that you are married now, but it's okay, I understand," she said, her voice cracked and broken.
"No! You don't understand, Raye! After that day, I spent every moment searching for you! I checked all the hospitals, and there was no news of you! The police, they couldn't help me, they said that they couldn't even find your body," Darien said, not even bothering to control the tremor in his voice. "My god! If only I had known I would have searched every single house and apartment around the shores!" Darien pulled back and cupped her chin, looking her straight in her eyes. "You must believe me when I say, that there has never passed a day that I have never thought of you. I never stopped loving you, never!" He pulled her tightly to him again. "I don't want to lose you again!"
They sobbed together, their tears and pain mingling together. Serena too cried at the top of the stairs where she had been listening and slowly walked the rest of the way back to the room.
Darien hadn't come to bed that night, Serena thought to herself in despair, as she lay awake, the morning sun slowly making its way into the room. It was for the best either way, since she had not been able to sleep a wink, tossing and turning. She showered and dressed and cautiously made her way downstairs. She noticed that Darien had slept on the couch, but she wondered where Raye had slept. Carefully, she approached him, not wanting to disturb him in his sleep, especially after such an emotionally charged night. She knelt by his head, and tenderly touched his cheek with her finger. He was never mine, she thought as tears came into her eyes, so then why does it hurt to have to let go? Through the haze, she did not see that Darien was slowly opening his eyes, startled to see her hovering before him.
"Serena?" he whispered hoarsely. Suddenly she jerked upwards, standing and hastily wiping her face. He had never caught her like this before. He stood up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders.
Desperately trying to gain control, she slightly pulled away from him and headed towards the kitchen. "Uh, I should probably fix us all something to eat. I'm sure you're all starved. It's been pretty hectic, don't ya think?" She never turned around but instead continued walking.
By the time she reached the kitchen, she was in control again. You have no right to grieve, she told herself viciously, as she prepared a quick meal. But then, why was she hurting so much? The ache in her heart was too much, that she would rather have died then feel it. Fool, she told herself, that is exactly what they feel as well, but for good reason! She sighed; she couldn't be selfish like this. Not when two lovers had gone through so much pain. She should be happy that they could now be together. And now, she thought to herself, now she had no part to play. How could she force Darien to stay in this marriage, when he himself had said that he had never stopped loving Raye! It wasn't right that they stay married, not when he belonged to another. She choked back a sob, trying to regain her self-composure.
The meal was placed on a large tray, and she carried it with surprisingly steady hands towards the living room. Noticing that it was empty, she heard sounds coming from the study. Carefully she made her way, trying to brace herself from seeing the two together. Just as she reached the door and was about to knock, she heard snatches of the conversation. She knew that she shouldn't listen, but her feet betrayed her, and she was rooted to the spot, tightening the noose around her own neck.
"I love you," she heard Darien say to Raye. And Raye responded with the same words.
"Darien," Serena whispered softly so that no one could hear. "I love you, too, forever and ever." As silently as possible she put the tray by the door and walked quietly to her room.