"Breathe"
Chapter Three
By Sinclair
Standard Disclaimers Apply
Darien had spent the entire night talking with Raye, talking of the past and talking also of the future. She had then fallen asleep and he had carried her to the couch in the study, where she would be warmer. He himself had fallen asleep on the couch in the living room, but not after he had lain awake thinking about the situation. There was no doubt about it, he wanted to be with Raye, his first and only real love. But then, when he had seen Serena kneeling in front of him, her beautiful blue eyes filling with tears, his heart had ached. He had wanted to pull her into his arms and comfort her, as she had always done for him. But then he had come to his senses. He could not love two women at once. He had to make a choice either way, and someone was bound to get hurt. Raye was always on his mind. And he had to admit, that the year he had been married to Serena, he had never forgotten her, the dark silky hair, her beautiful violet eyes; he thought about her everyday; he loved her. He always felt so guilty, like a real bastard, doing this to Serena. But luckily, Serena never seemed to know that he felt this way. She had always been so bright and chipper, oblivious to his secret thoughts. But he didn't want to hurt his loving, kind, and patient Serena. After all, she had done so much for him. He racked his brain all night, trying to figure out how to tell her-that he wanted to be with Raye. Yes, he was a real bastard, alright, he thought grimly.
After watching Serena walk into the kitchen, chattering cheerfully as usual, he himself headed towards the study where he found Raye staring out into the ocean, her eyes filled with pain. His eyes darkened as he too stared out into the calm and peaceful water. When he had seen the house for the first time, he had wanted it for some reason, despite the fact that it was situated right on the shore. Even though the sight of the ocean would bring him such pain, he felt that it was the only way that he could be with the one that those same waters had taken away.
He came up behind her, wrapping his arms protectively around her.
"I will never let something like that happen again. I love you, and I want to be with you forever," he whispered with fierce determination. Raye turned in his arms to smile up at him, happiness lighting up her face.
"But what about your wife," she said, her smile dying.
"No, listen to me. I love you," he said, meaning every word with his very soul.
"And I love you," she whispered, as their faced drew closer, both melting into the sweet kiss and the warm embrace.
After a moment, they both stepped out of the study. Darien noticed the tray beside the door, and felt his heart swell for the woman that he had married. Serena had always been so thoughtful, he thought. But now would come the hard part.
"You'll wait down here for me, won't you?" he asked her, his eyes silently pleading. She nodded and squeezed his hand, and then watched him climb the stairs slowly.
She was lying in the middle of the bed, curled up, hugging herself. Not long after she had come into the room, she had finally stopped crying. She didn't want to be weak. She needed to be strong, so that she would be able to do the right thing. And she had realized, with an aching in her heart, that the right thing to do would be to divorce Darien, and to let him go so that he could be happy. She told herself, that his happiness would be her happiness.
She didn't hear the door open as Darien slowly walked over to her. It was only when he stood directly in front of her that she immediately sat up.
"Darien!" she said, trying to sound normal and cheerful.
"Serena," he began, as though he hadn't heard her. "We need to talk." His tone was so final, she thought, cringing inwardly.
"Yes, Darien, I agree. I think," she swallowing nervously, her throat suddenly dry, "I think that we should get a divorce." There, she had said it. She had the urge to cry, to beg him, but she stood firm. She had to be strong, for his sake, for her sake.
Darien was shocked. Of course, did he doubt her at all? His heart swelled with gratefulness and warmth for the girl in front of him, and he smiled. She always understood how he felt, what he was always trying to say, and she understood the situation. Here he had been a little weary of what might come of this talk, but he should have known better.
"I was going to say the same thing," he said, tears of happiness misting his eyes. "You always did know what to do and say, Serena." He wrapped her in his arms in a tight hug, holding her close and almost crying. But he pulled away to look at her. She had her head lowered, and he couldn't see her eyes. "
My god, she thought to herself. Was he so blind that he never saw how she loved him? Darien, she wanted to cry out, I'll never love anyone else because I already gave my heart to you! She kept silent though, and merely nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
He brought her up against him in a brief hug and kissed her forehead. "You've been such a great friend to me. You've helped me so much. You know you'll always be welcome here."
So she would be kicked out as well, then, she thought, tiredly. She wondered if she could handle any more surprises. She just didn't have any more fight within her.
"I think I'll leave tonight," she said suddenly. She got up and began to leave the room. "Darien," she began, gazing at him wistfully, trying to memorize him, "I hope that you live a long happy life with her." She left quickly before the tears had a chance to fall.
The next day, Serena woke up on the familiar couch of a small apartment. After packing her bags the night before, insisting that she was not leaving too hastily and that she did indeed have a place to go, she had found herself at a public telephone booth. So she had lied to Darien. It was a hasty move because she really didn't have a place to go. But she couldn't stay there a minute longer. So she called up Lita and had asked if she could come over to spend the night. Lita, though surprised, of course could not refuse her dearest and best friend.
Rising from the springy couch, she quickly dressed and left before Lita; she didn't think she could face anyone right now, and Lita no doubt would have a lot of questions. She walked down to the beach, and found a deserted mound of sand, where she pulled up her knees and sat down, hugging her legs to her chest. With her chin on her knees, she stared out into the water. This is the ocean that turned Darien's life upside down; turned hers upside down as well, she thought. She watched the waves roll in and wondered how it would have been for Darien and Raye to have struggled against the awesome overwhelming power of those waves; to be breathing uselessly, helplessly in the water, lungs burning, suffocating in darkness. The tears began to form again, as she thought of how she would gladly breathe what Darien had breathed in order to be with him again. She allowed herself a few more minutes of self-pity, before pulling herself together. There was no point in crying and crying over something like this, she told herself. She did feel let down, but there was still a life to live after all, no matter how empty and useless it would be.
"Already I don't like life without Darien." She gazed one more time longingly at the ocean, a strange and sudden spark of some idea growing in her mind, before turning around and heading in no particular direction.