"Breathe"
Chapter Four
By Sinclair
Standard Disclaimers Apply
"You're an idiot."
The smile froze on Darien's face as he looked up at the blond man in front of him in shock. Andrew actually looked angry with him, his normally blue twinkling eyes glaring back at him. He was obviously not pleased with the good news.
"What?" A confused Darien ran a nervous hand through his hair. He cared a great deal about his best friend's opinion on everything. They had grown up together after all; in fact, he had known Andrew longer than he had known Raye, since they were both little boys in kindergarten. He had introduced the two, hoping that his best friend and girlfriend would also become friends, but the two never really got close. "Isn't it a miracle? I mean I thought that Raye had died, but here she is, and we can finally be together."
"God, Darien, do you think life some Disney movie, all neatly wrapped up and happily ever after? Geez, seriously, you are an idiot," Andrew repeated as he roughly grabbed Darien's cup of coffee away from him, before he had even taken a sip, and began to wipe down the counter roughly. There was no one else in the little café that Andrew owned and worked at, so the two were able to talk freely without any interruptions or breach of privacy.
Seeing the shocked and hurt look on Darien's face, Andrew sighed leaning over the counter. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lash out at you or anything. I'm glad that Raye is alive and all. I was about ready to close up shop and have a parade down the street when you told me. But don't you see? That was before. What about now? Now you want to throw away everything you have because someone from the past suddenly shows up? What about Serena, Darien?" he demanded.
Darien stared at his friends, trying his best to keep his flailing emotions in check. "What about Serena?" he began in a tight voice. "What - you don't think she understands? Well let me tell you, she understands me a helluva lot more than you ever did obviously! You're supposed to be my best friend, Drew. You're supposed to be happy for me," he finished quietly.
"Darien, come on. I'm just trying to help you. Look, I want to be happy for you, I really do. It's just that I don't think that you're looking at this properly."
Darien looked up angrily at that. "Oh, and I see that you obviously are?"
"You're a mess, you know that?" Andrew said abruptly, standing up and throwing the rag onto the tabletop. He knew how much Darien had loved Raye. But he also he remembered that day when Darien had walked in a couple months after the accident, his eyes lit up and real happiness shining on his face; he had never seen Darien look that way, ever, not even with Raye. He found out later that her name was Serena. When he met her, he was about ready to worship the ground that Serena walked on, because she had been able to do something that he couldn't do after Raye's death: make Darien live again.
"The thing is, the one person that was always there to pick up the pieces for you is going to be there anymore. What are you going to do without her? She was like your life-line."
"What the hell are you talking about?!" Darien demanded.
"How could you be so blind?" Andrew exploded, throwing his hands in the air. "Serena loves you! I know for a fact that she'd die for you!"
"Strange how you know so much about my wife, Andrew," Darien said coldly, raising his eyebrow, a little wary of his friend's outburst.
"But she won't be your wife anymore, will she? I take it back, Darien. You aren't an idiot. You're an asshole," Andrew said with a simplicity that only a good friend could pull off.
Darien rose from his seat, his eyes like steel on his friend. "I think you've said enough, Andrew. It was obvious from the start that you didn't want me to be with Raye. Maybe if you weren't so jealous of us, you'd be happy for us instead."
"Wha - ?" Andrew started. Suddenly his brows came together, eyes narrowing. "Listen, Darien, it's obvious you aren't right in the head right now. Is that Raye's doing? She always did bring out the worst in you. I remember what it was like back then, but obviously you've conveniently forgotten about that."
Suddenly Darien had Andrew by the lapels of his shirt. "You better keep quiet, Andrew," he said slowly.
"Why - because I hit on something close to the truth? God, Darien! Open your eyes! Raye was never right for you. Serena, on the other hand, she was always there for you, bringing you back to life when you wanted to die. Doesn't that count for something? And now you want to hurt her like this!" he yelled ignoring how intimidating Darien could be.
Why was Darien so dense? Couldn't he see that Serena really loved him? She was probably just stepping down without a fight, all for Darien's sake; she didn't give one iota about her own happiness. Her sacrifice was wasted on him though, Andrew thought with sudden glumness. If only Darien could see how well Serena complimented him, how they each brought out the best in the other. Unfortunately Darien's fixation on Raye did not leave him well attuned to Serena's feelings. It seemed useless though, to try and make him see this point. The guy was an idiot, short and sweet. He should just let Darien go ahead and make the biggest mistake of his life. He deserved it. But at the same time, Andrew thought with a heavy sigh, he just couldn't do that to his best friend.
"Just listen to me," he began earnestly again. "You're living in some euphoria right now. Hell, you've been living like that the past two years. I think, that somewhere along the lines, you've put Raye on some golden pedestal, making her into this perfect thing that she never was. Now, I'm not a psychiatrist or anything, but I feel like maybe your doing this out of guilt, like you owe her for what she had to go through, but - "
"I said you better shut up, Andrew," Darien spoke quietly, his face darkening. "You don't know what the hell you're talking about. Raye and I were always meant to be together! It was fate!"
"And isn't it strange how fate took her away for a moment, to give you a chance to be with Serena?" Andrew shot back heatedly.
Darien looked at Andrew with shock and a long silence fell about them. "You never liked Raye, did you?" he began quietly. "Is that why you're making up all these lies?" he accused. "Do you wish that she were still dead?!" he snapped, his eyes flashing violently.
Andrew didn't utter a single word as he stared at Darien, as though seeing him for the first time. Finally he said in a subdued tone. "What's happened Darien? You've already changed so much without her."
Darien was stunned. Suddenly he felt regret and remorse. Had he really changed? He would gladly have ignored Andrew's comments, but the fact was, he did feel something different. He felt confused and uneasy, so jumbled up inside, and he didn't like it one bit. It scared him.
"Listen, if that's all you have to say about this, then I'm leaving. Obviously, I won't be expecting any well-wishes from you." He reached for his coat and began to walk towards the door. Just as he pulled on the handle, he turned around.
"You said I was an asshole, Andrew, but you just don't get it. She was a great friend. She filled in that empty void when Raye was gone. You don't think I'm grateful? You just don't understand; but it doesn't matter, because she does. She understands that I love Raye. I'll see you later, Drew." He walked out, slamming the door shut behind him.
Andrew had the greatest urge to punch his friend in the face when he spoke those last words. Is that what he thought of that kind, beautiful girl? Some sort of filler? How could anyone be so blind not to notice everything she had done for that him? And understand what? That he was the biggest bastard that ever graced the earth?
"If you never loved her, then why did you marry her, Darien?" he asked softly to no one before taking up the rag again and absently wiping down the spotless counter.
Darien strode down the street barely suppressing his anger. Why was Andrew making such a big deal out of this? He loved Raye, so he was divorcing Serena to marry her. Was that so complicated? Didn't Andrew realize how much pain Darien had felt, those empty years without Raye? Why couldn't he just be happy for him?
He slowed down as his thoughts turned to Serena, the golden girl with the wide ready smile, and he cringed. Okay, so there were complications. A pang of guilt rushed through him as he thought of their sham marriage. Wanting to kick himself in the rear, he admitted to himself that he had married her for fear of being alone. But he had been so scared sitting in that dark hospital room, day in and day out, with the strange smells of decay, and the creeping, maddening sounds of death. He would have lost his mind, if not for Serena. He smiled wistfully as he remember how she had first come to him, how she had suddenly filled his life with her laughter and smiles. She had always been so gentle that he had to admit that he had sadly taken advantage of it. But she had always known his true feelings; she knew what she was getting into, he told himself desperately. And she understood - didn't she?
Lita glanced over at Serena, worry etched on her pretty features, her bright green eyes filled with concern, brown hair blowing in the ocean breeze. They were both lounging in beach chairs under a big striped umbrella, the sun shining brightly in the clear blue sky, amidst the hubbub of the busy beach. She couldn't read Serena's face hidden beneath the dark glasses and the big floppy hat. But she knew Serena since they were young, and she knew that Serena might never recover from this.
Lita's heart swelled when she thought of the selfless girl sitting beside her. She had been acting as cheerful as she had always been, masking her pain. Almost at once, Serena had found an apartment near her, paying the first and last months rent with the money that she had saved up. Future financial matters would not be a problem either, since the hospital was more than willing to take back their most dedicated and competent nurse. And so, it was just like old times, when the two hung out together during the evenings and weekends, before Serena had met Darien.
At the thought of Darien, Lita had the mad desire to rip out his heart for the pain he was causing her best friend. But remembering the anguished look on Serena's face when she had shown up at her door that evening immediately softened her features. Underneath the smiling mask of joy and cheer, she knew that Serena cried herself to sleep each night, as was evident by the dark circles underneath her eyes, poorly covered by the makeup. She sighed, and took a sip of bottled water. Putting on her own mask of cheer she turned to face her friend.
"Hey!" she said brightly. "It's pretty hot. Let's take a dip in the water! C'mon, I'll race ya! Last one there has to be my slave for a week!" Already Lita was on her feet running to the water's edge.
Someone was saying something to her, against the background of excited shrieks of laughing children and happy chatter. Snapping out of her daze, Serena looked up in time to see Lita glancing back at her with a wink and smile as she ran towards the water.
"Hey! Serena exclaimed, jumping to her feet and immediately chasing after her tall friend. A genuine laugh escaped her throat as she ran unsteadily through the uneven sand. Times like these, she felt happy. Her best friend cared a great deal about her, so much, in fact, that she would go to the trouble of cheering her up. Maybe I'll forget about Darien, she thought to herself. Unfortunately in thinking so, her sorrows came flooding back to her, slapping her harshly enough to make her eyes sting with tears.
"HA! I win…slave!" Lita shouted taunted triumphantly, throwing her fist in the air. She immediately stopped crowing, though, when she noticed that Serena had become silent again. In fact, Serena seemed to be lost in thought, staring out at the ocean. They stood there in the comfort of the silence, Serena's intent gaze on the water, Lita's concerned gaze on her friend.
"That's where the storm caught them," she suddenly said, her voice low and barely above a whisper that Lita almost didn't catch it. "This is where they found him, half dead." She stopped, and Lita saw a single tear fall from her chin.
Serena suddenly shivered as she remembered that frightening thought that had come into her mind a couple days ago when she had sat in the sand. The idea that maybe she didn't have to live without Darien after all. The pain didn't have to exist, she thought, almost smiling at the sweet release it would bring.
Suddenly she turned to Lita, her lips curving into a trembling smile, "Well, I don't know what the stakes of the race were, but let's make it double or nothing, yeah?" Not waiting for a reply, she quickly scampered away, stumbling once in her blind dash to get away from the dangerously luring water. Lita stood there for a moment, trying to control the sadness that washed over her, chilling her to the bone. There was another storm rolling in, she thought worriedly, but there were no clouds in the sky.