Chapter Six
By Sinclair
Standard Disclaimers Apply
The feeling of utter hopelessness washed over her with the same bone chilling coldness as the violent waves that slammed into her helpless body. She closed her eyes, and suddenly she didn't care. She smiled softly to herself letting the mighty currents gather her into the arms of the freezing waves that warred with each other, striking and melding, crushing her in the middle. Closing her eyes and savoring each second death approached her, she spread her arms wide in welcome underwater as she was pulled and pushed about until she grew dizzy. She swallowed the water when it flew over her head, dragging her under for seconds at a time before pushing her back towards the top. A strange euphoria seeped into her mind and everything seemed so far away, including her love for her Darien. Nothing hurt her, nothing could touch her; she was simply floating, and she felt safe.
As soon as Lita's feet touched the sand, she began to sprint along the uneven sand. She couldn't see very well through the haze of the falling rain and her own tears. Blind panic gripped her, as she fell a couple times onto the rough sand, skinning her knees in the process. Where was she, she screamed inwardly. As far as she could see, there was no one at the beach.
Her eyes automatically began to search the ocean, although her own heart angrily denied that her friend would be out there. Suddenly, she saw a bit of yellow rolling among the ominous waves, her heart growing heavy, almost breaking.
"Serena!" Lita screamed with all her energy. She ran towards the water's edge. The panic made her blood run cold, her vision wavering for a split second, until her feet began to move of their own accord deeper into the black sea, her tears streaming into the ocean's seemingly endless depths.
Serena vaguely heard her name shouted through the curtain of her hazy mind. As the strange call reluctantly pulled her from her lovely dream, she slowly opened her eyes, bleary from the stinging salt, and saw an image of her friend flickering between the restless waves. While her clouded mind could not at first fathom why her friend was out on such a day, or even why she herself was out in the middle of the ocean, the absolutely terrified look on Lita's face jarred her, stopping time itself. It was then that realization suddenly hit her full force, and she grew aware of her surroundings, of her actions and its consequences. Panicking, she jack-knifed into a straighter position in the water, just as a particularly violent wave swept around her, grabbing her roughly and dunking her beneath the swollen sea. Sudden fear gripped her as she clawed at the water futilely, trying in vain to fight the disorder and confusion while fighting the currents, as her life came rushing back at her, her sorrow, her lost love, her frightening resolve to die. Her thoughts began to run through her mind in a frenzy. She had not wanted to care; she wanted to forget everything, the pain, to give up and to stop the struggle. But the look she had seen on Lita's face, even for that split second, the look of fear combined with deep wounded sadness; it was stamped into her mind, and the sight tore at her with feelings of guilt. In freeing herself, she would burden her friend with sorrow. The same sorrow she had received from Darien's loss she would be handing over to Lita. Her selfishness slapped her in the face with the same fury as the waves that ruthlessly pummeled her in its angry course of the storm. One thought now prevailed in her mind: she must make her way back to where Lita waded dangerously in the water.
But the sea seemed to have grown even more violent, leaving her to thrash in its wake, as if refusing to let her go. She began to fight to stay above the water's surface. There were times when the currents would pull her vulnerable body beneath the waves, where she would choke on the rough sea water. Her eyes burned with the strain, and her tears mixed immediately with the heavy water pressing around her. The waves sometimes pulled her completely under, when blind panic set in and she would flail her arms, trying to breach once again the surface of the water. When she did make it to the surface, she was immediately hauled back towards the ocean floor. She was frightened out of her mind as she tried in vain to see through the blackness that seemed to swallow her whole, engulfing her mercilessly. But, she soon felt herself growing weaker. She was so tired, so very tired. She didn't want for things to end this way, she thought to herself with silent sob. Unconsciously she let the waves pull her towards the bottom again, and this time she did not fight it, but surrendered. I'm sorry, Lita, she thought, as the sorrow ate through to the core of her soul like acid.
She was under for several seconds when her lungs began to burn resentfully at its loss of oxygen. She clawed at her throat, accidentally swallowing more of the salty water, making her want to retch. She wanted to breathe, but she was suffocating; the currents would not let her go. This is how Darien had felt that fateful day, she thought, the panic rushing through her. But he had lost more than his desire to breathe. He had lost his only love. His only love, she thought to herself bitterly. If only the damned ocean had not taken away his happiness, she thought with anger. Her thoughts magnified on this point, and a strange feeling bubbled dangerously within her. All the anger and bitterness she had been trying to repress began to escape the tight restraints deep within the recesses of her heart. All the pain she had endured, all the pain that Darien had to endure; it all came down to this. True it was not nature's fault but she had no logical thought left inside her, and all her anger began to channel along this point. That these very waters that now tried to take her life had already taken away her happiness, she suddenly thought, her eyes growing large with anger.
As her anger grew steadily, so did her strength and resolve. She would not let these waters win again, she thought to herself. Hate filled her, darkening her eyes, blackening her heart. She struggled, not quite in her right mind, and she began to use all her energy in kicking at the water, driving her arms and fists, and cutting through the cold waves. She broke through the surface with a fury of a woman possessed. She saw Lita clearly now. Lita, whose face was contorted in pain, had waded up to her neck, trying to keep her balance at the same time as trying to reach her lost friend. With determination, Serena concentrated on the distant figure and began to fight through the strong currents that pushed against her. Each time she drove her arms through the water, each time she kicked her legs violently behind her, she thought of her hate for the sea that had taken away her life when it had taken Darien's happiness. Time and space fell away from her, until only her raw internal battle raged on. She continued to fight and kick with this new inhuman strength until suddenly long arms wrapped around her. She felt something grip her and she suddenly found herself looking into wet green eyes.
"Serena," Lita cried brokenly, her voice strangely high and throaty, "why did you do that? Why did you do that?" she sobbed over and over as she clutched her friend, burying her head against her shoulder, afraid to let go.
"Lita," Serena whispered hoarsely, the black feelings dissipating, only to leave her feeling cold and empty. But the tears on her friend's face unnerved her. In all her life, she had never seen Lita cry, Lita who had prided herself on her tough exterior. Although she began to shake visibly, she tried to smile with her blue swollen lips. "I just felt like going for a swim is all," she heard herself saying, as the tears began to slip from her eyes as well. She continued to repeat these words as if to convince herself as well as Lita. Exhaustion took hold of her soon, and she could no longer feel her limbs. She felt dizzy, and slowly yet steadily, her vision faded, as did the sound of the angry ocean crashing and falling around her ears.
What was wrong with her, he asked himself, as he idly drank down his glass of wine. The frustration grew as he played the scene with Serena over and over in his mind. She acted as if he had hurt her. Had he? He thought back to what Andrew had said, that Serena loved him. Impossible, he thought, trying not to feel uneasy. He never wanted to hurt her because he did love her, just not in that way. Right?
He was aware of the strange silence and he quickly looked up from his seat at one end of the sofa to find Raye looking expectantly at him. He stared back at her confused, until she sighed in exasperation.
"I said, would you like any more wine," Raye repeated, her temper flaring slightly. She glanced apologetically at the blond man that sat near her then gestured a little angrily with her eyes at Darien.
Darien merely shook his head with a strained smile as he too glanced at the man seated across from him. Jed, his name was, Jed who was the son of the couple that had helped Raye out during her period of amnesia. Raye smiled warmly at their guest and walked gracefully across the sitting room over to the liquor cabinet to prepare his drink.
"Like I was saying," she said with a hint of reproach towards Darien as she poured the drink, "I thought it would be nice if we got together sometime for a night on the town. We can try out that restaurant downtown that everyone's been raving about." She returned to resume her role as the hostess. "Wouldn't that be nice, Darien?" she asked pointedly at Darien.
"Uh, yes, that would be," he quickly replied trying to concentrate at the situation at hand. He didn't miss the glare from Raye.
"Anyways, I think that would be nice, since Jed hasn't ever been to this side of the city. Besides, I think we owe him so much for all he has done for us." She smiled widely at the blond as she placed her hand on his.
Jed blushed slightly, but grinned back. "Really, you don't have to thank me. My parents and I are just glad that everything worked out for you."
Darien suddenly cleared his throat and rose from his seat unceremoniously.
"Well, it's getting late, and I do have work tomorrow. I'm terribly sorry, but I'll have to leave you two to yourselves." He stood up a little stiffly and kissed Raye awkwardly on the cheek before making his way to the bedroom. Then he was gone before anyone could protest or at least reply.
Raye stared at the empty space where Darien had stood, fuming inside. Pushing her anger down, she smiled politely at Jed. "Please excuse his behavior. He can be very introverted like that at times."
Jed grinned good-naturedly, standing up. "Raye, it's okay. Besides, I didn't come to see him," he said pointedly, his smile growing wider. Raye's heart seemed to speed up, making her feel strangely warm.
"Well it is getting late," she said, glancing at the clock, choosing to ignore the look that he was giving her at the moment. "We'll do this again real soon," she added smiling, as she led him to the front door.
"You still have to show me around town right?" he asked as he smiled at the raven-haired beauty looking up at him. They stood there together, in the hallway, silent, each gazing into the other's eyes, before Raye cleared her throat hastily, trying to cover the rosy hue that swept over her face.
"Yes, of course," she murmured softly, trying to still her fluttering heart. Jed smiled slightly, his dark blue eyes crinkling in mischief before he placed a light kiss on her burning cheeks.
"Goodnight, Raye," he said softly, before quickly stepping out of the door and into the pouring rain. The dark head flew up, shocked at his action. Raye stood there a long while after, the guilt slowly replacing the pleasure. Tearing her gaze away from the road, she focused on the stairs that led to the bedroom. Her eyes narrowed suddenly as she remembered Darien's behavior that night. Quickly snatching up that excuse to blow steam in order to forget her own guilt, she made her way purposefully up the stairs.
"What's the big idea?!" she blew up as soon as she stepped into their bedroom. Darien seemed unfazed by her sudden appearance and outburst.
"Is something the matter?" Darien asked quietly. He had been lying on his back, his arms cradling his head, staring blankly at the ceiling when he turned his head to slowly face her.
"Is something the matter!" she yelled, his calm manner provoking her more. "You have the gall to ask me that? What the heck is wrong with you today? You barely said a word all throughout dinner! Are you so uncivilized you don't know how to make conversation?!" she yelled as she stood above him, attacking whatever faults she could Darien immediately sat up to stare Raye straight in the face.
"Excuse me if I'm a little quiet sometimes," he said with icy coldness. "Not that it matters, since our young guest seemed not to have noticed my presence anyway," he added as he stood from the sheets.
Raye's eyes narrowed. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were jealous!" She put her hands on her hips, her stance instantly on the offense. But as soon as the words left her mouth, she felt the guilt rush back to her tenfold.
Darien didn't say a word as he now stood by the window, resting his forehead on the cool glass. The rain was falling heavily, beating against the roof and windows, creating a lulling rhythm. The silence was drawn out, creating a tense atmosphere that did little to ease Raye's uncontrollable feelings.
Raye sighed in frustration, unable to bear the quiet, but mostly unable to deal with her own feelings of guilt and anger. "You know what, fine! If you don't want to talk to me, then you can just stand there all by yourself." She threw him a scathing look before flouncing out of the room, shutting off the light, and slamming the door shut behind her.
Raye ran to the study and flung herself on the couch, her head coming to rest on her arms as she sobbed silently. She felt so overwhelmed by the feelings that ran freely through her pulsing veins. She felt so confused and tired. If only Darien could be more like Jed, she thought to herself, more understanding, more communicative. With these last thoughts she slowly drifted into a restless sleep.
Above her, in their bedroom, Darien remained motionless, standing in the same position that Raye had left him in. His head pressed against the glass of the window, the moon peeking out every now and then from the dark storm clouds to trace the tracks of tears down his haggard cheeks. Knowing that sleep would never come to him, he stood there, wondering why everything had gone so wrong.