We'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has reviewed our story; your comments mean the world to us. J In answer to Bippo's question, Squall tells Cid practically everything because he has an inane trust in the man who jointly brought him up from a young age. It's much like a son being angry at his father for telling him a lie about something important. He just doesn't see Cid as a dangerous man; to him he's the man who took him in when he was all alone. Plus, Squall isn't exactly a master of tact when it comes to dealing with fellow members of the human race ;)
~***~
Part Three - To Break
~***~
When she awoke, she was greeted with the unpleasant smell of antidotes and Hi-Potions. If only her friends would use magic like normal people, but they would not allow their memories to fade and drift away by using a Guardian Force. This meant no junctioning, no Curagas, no anything associated with the magic of the powerful GFs. She was the one who had to pay the price by having slow healing and smelling the horrible medicines. That observation raised an interesting question...what was she doing in what seemed like their makeshift infirmary? She didn't remember coming here, come to think of it; she didn't remember anything before early yesterday.
Attempting to sit up, she winced at the pain shooting straight from her waist to her head. She pressed her hand to her temples in an attempt to sooth the migraine like pain residing there. The memories came flooding back to her in a rush as she fought off drowsiness. That pervert they called a president had ruined her plan and then...Squall had jumped off the balcony with her. So that explained why she was in their infirmary and why her head felt like a dozen monkeys on speed were jumping around in it.
Although she was recovering from quite the fall, Selphie was still worried about how her comrades would treat her now that they knew her plan had failed miserably. Perhaps they would disown her, throwing at the mercy of the SeeD and Garden. Her eyes widened in the first inklings of panic as she hypothesized what they might do to her once in their hands.
At the sound of the door creaking open, Selphie threw the thin blanket back over herself and tried to appear as if she was sleeping. The clicking of the person's shoes made her edgy, and as they grew closer she shut her eyes tightly, as if doing so would make him or her disappear.
"I know you're awake, Selphie and I'm not even going to ask why you're trying to avoid me." The blanket was thrown off and Quistis smiled down at her. Her bright blue eyes twinkled with amusement rarely harbored in their depths. "I was worried, I thought that you might have had a concussion."
"How did I get here?" Selphie asked, adjusting her eyes to the light Quistis was shining into them. Curse the pocket flashlights.
"Squall," Quistis answered, now applying Remedy onto the girl's temples. "He told us quite the story, Selphie. Jumped off the balcony, did we?"
"Something like that..." Selphie mumbled, then jerked out of Quistis's reach. "No more potions." The older woman frowned and placed her hands on her hips. She was always like a big sister to Selphie, which included the constant and irritating nagging. Of course it was all out of concern, but Selphie found it trying to say the very least.
"You need to rest," Quistis was saying. She stared down at Selphie with a stern look; seemingly unaware of the lack of effect it had on the younger girl. "How can you fully recuperate if you don't let me use some items on you?"
Her voice faded into the background as Selphie's mind began to wander elsewhere. Squall had saved her. Why? The question echoed in the back of her mind and she wondered what had made her think it. What reason did he have not to save her? After all, he was part of them now. She wanted desperately to find out where he was and if he was alright. No one could escape a fall like that unharmed. But she was in too much pain to move, and knowing Quistis, there was no way out. Eventually, sleep overcame her and her dreams were filled with haunting blue eyes, the same question echoing again and again in her weary brain. Why?
~***~
An awesome power surged through her body and she could feel the aches fade away and her energy come back. She shivered violently and put a hand to her face, finding it warm to the touch. Quickly she opened her eyes and saw Squall standing over her.
"Wh…what...?" She was at a loss for words; she had never felt anything like this before. It was like drinking a dozen Hi-Potions, but without the awful after taste. And always the cloud of cold hovering just under her skin, a cold she couldn't feel with her hands, but with her nerves.
"Do you feel better?" He asked, his voice lower than usual. Selphie nodded and was about to ask what he had done, but he beat her to it. "Curaga."
"You use magic?" Selphie questioned in awe. "That means, you've junctioned a GF?"
"Shiva." He answered simply, as though it were the most normal thing in the world.
"But don't you care about your memory being erased?" Selphie asked, sitting up suddenly.
Squall was silent for a moment before speaking. "I have no memories worth keeping."
She should have told him that there was so many good things in life to remember, she should have comforted this sad and lonely man whose frown seemed to be etched into his face; but for some reason she didn't. She had a feeling that no amount of coaxing could make him reveal what he wouldn't voluntarily. She would know when the time was right. She decided to ask him about magic instead. Magic had always interested her, and although she was still saddened by Squall's choice to use a GF, she was curious about the skills of the Guardian Forces.
"I need a favor," He asked before she could voice her own question.
"Anything." But mentally she retracted that statement, without knowing why. Perhaps she would grant his request; perhaps she would turn him away. He looked as though he was used to being turned away.
He leaned in so that his eyes met Selphie's. Green clashed with blue and in an instant she saw the clawing desperation in the ocean staring down at her.
"Don't tell anyone."
"Why?"
"It seems that your friends don't trust people who use magic," explained Squall. "When we brought you here from Balamb, I asked if anyone had Curaga with them. The blonde woman, Quistis, told me that magic was only used by SeeD, never a resistance faction. She seemed quite adamant about it."
Selphie had never heard this before; she always believed they avoided junctioning because of the rumored memory loss. Was there something they were keeping from her, or did they just lack trust in this newcomer? Well, that wasn't something she wanted to think about at the moment; what she wanted to do was find out their position in the situation she had placed them in thanks to her plan. She knew she had screwed up, and royally, though Quistis had mentioned nothing in her visit. Her voice however, seemed slightly strained when they had spoken about the mission.
"I have to see Quistis," She whispered, more to herself then to Squall. "I have to tell her…"
"I don't think you should be…" But the smaller brunette cut him off with anger in her voice.
"I'm fine!" The girl snapped. Squall didn't make an attempt to stop her. He just stared after he retreating back, stiff as a poker with anger under her duck covered pajamas. He stifled a chuckle as he followed her silently.
Storming into the room down the hall, she found Irvine, Seifer and Quistis in conversation around the shabby old picnic table they ate their meals on.
"Selphie, are you alright?" Irvine asked the moment he saw her enter the room. He strode to the entrance where she was standing and protectively placed his arm around her. Looking over her shoulder, he didn't miss out on the opportunity to glare at Squall, who was a few paces behind her.
"So she's alive," Seifer stated. Selphie pulled away from Irvine to glower at the blonde man, but she was surprised to see the expression on his face. He wasn't frowning; he was smiling. Usually when Seifer smiled it meant bad news, but this was a genuine smile. He seemed...relieved that she was fine and seemingly unharmed. Selphie would have smiled back at him but he looked away. She shrugged and followed his gaze and saw that it rested on Quistis. The latter was typing furiously on the computer that stood in the corner, the keys occasionally sticking due to its age and usage.
"Quistis?" Selphie edged slowly towards her, knowing that by the expression on Seifer and Irvine's face, she was not in a good mood. She tapped Quistis lightly on the shoulder and then backed away slightly in case she lashed out. But instead of unleashing her anger, Quistis just sighed and closed her eyes as if wanting sleep.
"What is it?" Selphie asked quietly.
"Deling is taking more precautions as we speak," Quistis informed her, not bothering to turn around. "I don't know what you did, but he's more angry then I have ever seen him. In fact, there's rumor that he sent SeeD to track down the two renegades that disrupted the Balamb Ball." At this she cast a worried glance at Selphie and Squall. "I advise that you two remain in the hideout."
But we were wearing masks," Selphie said, casting Squall a worried look. "There's no way he could have identified us."
"Why don't you ask Squall how he found you out?" Seifer called from the other side of the room. " He seems to be the expert on magic."
Selphie turned around, her body shaking slightly. Meekly, she glanced at Seifer and summoned a small bit of courage, enough to speak.
"Magic?" She managed to squeak. That's lovely, show them your leadership skills why don't you?
"The guards cast Scan on us before we escaped Garden," Squall said, running his hand through his hair. "They know all of our stats, which includes name and occupation."
"What about location?" Selphie asked frantically. If they discovered where their resistance faction was located, she would never forgive herself. Thankfully, Squall shook his head.
"I suppose that you won't let me continue with Plan B then?" Selphie asked no one in particular. She looked around the run down room and was met with blank stares. "Plan B, remember? It was to…"
"We know, Selphie," Quistis said, cutting her off. "Plan B is too risky. We're just going to have to lay low for a while and hope that Deling's rage blows over."
"Timber's Independence is too important to place on hold," Selphie protested. "Rinoa never would have allowed us to place our own needs over the peoples'."
"Rinoa had her own agenda," Quistis said. "You were the one who chose not to follow it and endangered not only your own life and Squall's, but the resistance faction as well."
Selphie remained silent, deciding not to challenge Quistis's words. She knew that they would be upset with her; she was upset with herself. Looking at the ground and fighting tears of despair, she trudged dejectedly out of the room, pausing only to glance at the group one last time.
~***~
Although Irvine had seemed hostile towards her when she was first appointed leader, she had known that he would soften up and be someone that she could lean on and trust. That was one of the reasons she loved him so much. They were sitting in her room and she was pouring her problems out to him, knowing that he would have a solution. Even if it was just a simple, 'It'll be okay'. He could be trusted to give her that much.
"I've destroyed everything," She whispered. "Everything we worked for. If it weren't for Squall, then I don't know what would have happened to me."
Irvine stared at Selphie as if she had uttered some foul word.
"We were wrong to send you with him," Irvine finally said. "We should have known better than to place your safety in the hands of a stranger."
"He saved my life," Selphie said angrily. "Why doesn't anyone acknowledge that? It's not exactly a detail that's easy to miss."
"Seifer and I think that it's best that we send our guest to where he wanted to go in the first place."
"Excuse me?" Selphie asked, clearly offended. "Last I checked, I was the leader of the Timber Owls. I'm not going to have you and Seifer thinking you can just overrule me, my position means something in this faction." Even to herself, she sounded as though reciting words from a textbook on being a leader. She winced.
"I'm sorry, Sefie," He said, gathering her into his arms. "I know you're stressed. But I know what would make you feel better...how about you resign from your position and give it to someone who knows what they're doing? It's for the best."
Selphie jerked away from him and looked him in the eye. He was serious about this. She almost laughed in his face. He could be a little less obvious about his real motives if he was to win her over to his side.
"This isn't about my position. It's about Squall, isn't it? That way, with someone else in charge, you can get rid of him."
"We don't trust him."
" Oh, and 'we' being you and Seifer?" Selphie said with a laugh despite how hurt she was. "A jealous boyfriend and a man who doesn't even trust his own wife! Their word must be a trusted one!"
"Selphie, you're placing too much confidence in him. I don't like it," He hesitated momentarily before adding, "When I saw him carrying you into the station, you so helpless in his arms, I can't explain how worried I was. What if he had done something to you?"
"But he didn't," Selphie said. "He saved my life...and until you realize that, I think we need to take a break from one another."
Selphie would have been the last person to break off her relationship with another person, but Irvine was aggravating her to such an extent she didn't know how much she could take. His 'concern for her safety' was simply jealousy, and badly masked at that. She wasn't even sure if he cared about her at all. When he got up to leave the room, he didn't even bother to look back. It was a testament of its own.
~***~
That man was so familiar...if only Seifer could remember where he had seen him. It was as if a fog was blocking the part of his memory that he so desperately needed. Quistis had told him to stop fretting, but he could tell that she was worried as much as he was.
He racked his brain long into the night, playing with Quistis's hair absentmindedly.
~***~
She was running through the darkness of the night, a luminous white dress flowing behind her. He could not see for the darkness what made it spread behind her lean form, but eventually she ran straight into his arms.
"You'll protect me, won't you?" She asked. Her green eyes shimmered with tears and all he wanted to do was hold her close to him.
"Of course I will," He whispered, pulling her close to him and stroking her hair. "I love you." She looked up then and smiled, that wonderful smile that filled him with warmth.
"I love you too," She said.
Suddenly, the dark figure that he knew was hunting Selphie down emerged from the shadows, its face still concealed in the dark. It grabbed Selphie from Squall's arms and held her close to it. For a moment a white flash blinded Squall and the two figures were of Cid and a slim brown haired woman wearing a cream sweater.
"Laguna!" She cried out. He could feel how much the woman hated being helpless. She was struggling against him but he pulled out what looked like a gunblade and pressed it against her neck. Right when he began to slide it over her skin, the flash returned a second time and the figures changed back to the stranger and Selphie.
"Why did you do it?" She whispered, as the glimmer of the gunblade caught his eyes.
" Selphie!" He shouted, wanting to run towards her. But he couldn't, he was frozen, waiting helplessly to see what would happen. The figure lifted the gunblade and drew it slowly across Selphie's neck. Crimson liquid poured over her dress, morphing into dozens of red rose petals as it shimmered and fell to the ground. Then the man let her go, and she floated to the floor.
The figure then stepped completely out of the dark and Squall froze in horror. The crisp SeeD uniform with petals on the sleeves, the scowl embedded on his face, and the cold, steely eyes. It was he. He had killed Selphie.
Squall awoke with a start, surprised to feel beads of sweat on his forehead. In all of his life he had never been so terrified; just the thought of losing Selphie made life purposeless.
He couldn't sleep. Not that he hadn't experienced insomnia before, but this time he was too tense even to relax. His dream, haunting him during the small amount of sleep he had, was still running vividly through his mind. It was disturbing, and he knew he would be haunted by it even past the sunrise.
He'd been thinking about Selphie a lot lately; about how she was so much more different then anyone he had met. So full of life, whereas even the most outgoing SeeDs seemed drained of their humanity. He was a prime example.
Now he was sitting on his bed, contemplating his dream. He was never the one to know the meanings of symbols, so he was wasting his time thinking it over. At this moment, half of what he had dreamt escaped his memory anyway. Yet...he was still shaken. The face of the brown haired woman flashed through his mind and she seemed so familiar. A word...no, a name...Laguna. The former president of Esthar who had been assassinated twenty-one years ago...the year Squall was born.
A light rapping at the door broke his concentration.
"Squall, I heard you calling for me," Selphie's muffled voice shook him out of his thoughtful reverie.
He didn't recall voicing the girl's name, but after a moment he remembered that he was shouting her name in his dream. He must have said it out loud as well. Pulling himself up, Squall walked over the cold cement floor to the door where he knew Selphie was standing on the other side.
"Are you alright?" She asked when he opened the door. "You were calling out my name so loud I thought there was trouble here."
He stood frozen for a moment, just staring at her. Small bits of his dream ran through his mind and he struggled to shake them out. Waving her in the room, Squall sat down on his bed, clutching his head in his hands.
" Squall, are you feeling alright? You look a little shaken up." Selphie sat down next to him and placed her hand on his back. "Please, just tell me if something's wrong. It always helps to talk out your problems."
Here she was worrying about his safety; if only she could have known that he was sent to kill her. He glanced at her for a moment and to his dismay he could see that she was wearing the dress, the white dress she'd been wearing when he slit her throat. Was his dream a prophecy of the future?
"Squall?"
"It was a dream," He began, not sure of how to relay the events of the dream without frightening her. "I dreamt of a woman - she was beautiful. The woman was held by a middle-aged man… She kept repeating a name, the name of Esthar's last president. Then the man killed her."
"But then why were you calling out my…Sir Laguna?" Selphie suddenly broke off in wonder. She had apparently forgotten about the reason she had come to Squall's room in the first place, and he sighed in relief. "Er...the former president of Esthar, that is. His name was Laguna Loire."
"Yeah, that was the name."
"So what do you think your dream means?"
"I don't know and frankly, I don't care."
"But Squall!" Selphie jumped up and stood in front of him. She grabbed his hands and continued. "Dreams always have a hidden meaning. And in fact, this couldn't have been better – now you can accompany me to Esthar!"
"Esthar?" Squall had never been to the continent before; it had been a barren land with mere remnants of civilization since the assassination of President Loire. Deling had claimed the land but was only concerned about the expansion of Galbadia. He forced all of the residents of Esthar to abandon their homes and move elsewhere, resulting in Esthar becoming isolated. There was no one left.
"I know I had messed up the last plan, but this time everything will go in order," Selphie said with determination. "We'll go to Esthar on my aircraft, the Ragnarok. In Esthar there's a laboratory that was owned by the inventor Doctor Odine. It's there that all of the information regarding the Resistance Factions remains. If we can obtain these files, then we have proof of all of Deling's wrongdoings. After we hand the files to the press and people, Deling will be thrown down once and for all." She smiled triumphantly.
"Why are you asking me to accompany you on such an important mission?"
"You're the only one who has faith in me...and well, you saved my life. I trust you more then anyone else," Selphie said with a small smile. I never did thank you for saving me, did I?"
" Selphie, I'll always protect you." It came out without thought and afterwards, it surprised Squall that what he had told Selphie wasn't a lie.
After she left his room to get prepared for the mission, he couldn't help but to think over what she had said about his dream.
Dreams always have a hidden meaning.
He had killed her...did that mean that he was destined to kill her as he was assigned to do? No, it couldn't be...because for some reason he couldn't allow himself to do it. He couldn't kill her.
Every time he said it to himself, he believed it a little more.
~***~
Waiting was the most difficult thing to do, especially when you know your friend's life was growing closer to its end with every second ticking by on the clock. Squall had not contacted her for twenty days now. Call it intuition, but she knew that he had not killed Selphie yet. Her guilty conscience nagged at the back of her mind, forcing her to ponder her trust in Squall, in Selphie's ability to see through any facade, and her own willingness to sell out her friend.
~***~
She flew the aircraft with agility and complete control, as if she had possessed the knowledge of how to fly the metal beat for centuries and beyond. The barren grounds of Esthar were littered with creatures that Squall had never seen before. There was even some of what must have once been creatures. Nothing was left of those but the skeletons. However, even with Squall's extensive background in the art of murder, he couldn't tell much of their species or cause of death. Besides their ivory ghosts, the naked land was barren, not a trace of greenery to be found. The beasts that had escaped whatever fate had befallen the dead roamed freely, trampling the sparse brown weeds.
Selphie had explained that there used to be a barrier separating Esthar from the rest of the world, but it had been destroyed seventeen years ago. Since then, the small amount of magic the ruined barricade was emitting lured monsters to the capital city, which was another reason Deling chose to leave Esthar a dead continent. It was no longer safe or sane to inhabit.
Flying the aircraft away from the Iron Giants and Imps, Selphie circled the Great Plains until she found a spot to land that wasn't infected with the foul beasts. Stepping out of the plane, they were greeted by sand being tossed into the air, courtesy of the fierce wind. It made its way into their clothes, hair and eyes, itching and stinging where it ricocheted off their bodies.
"It's over there," Selphie shouted over the storm. Squall squinted and could make out the faint image of a small, white building. They silently trudged through the sand for what seemed like ages, much of it ending up in their boots. It was knee high and hard to move through, providing just enough give to lift one weary foot after the other. Finally they reached the laboratory.
Squall could hardly believe that the place had been abandoned for so many years. The building was spotless and its stone white color didn't waver under the harsh, dirty granules of sand whipping around it. Windows were still intact, the stairs had no flaws and even the plants remained forever green. Inside, the building was just as perfect as it was outside. The electricity was still running, complete with lifts to the other rooms. Squall stared at the place in wonder. It was a temple amongst the remains of a ruined people.
Selphie led Squall to the lift and took it to a room upstairs, where only a window and two massive computers broke the barren walls. Instantly she ran to the computer and began to type frantically the second it booted up. After an hour had passed, she asked Squall to take over for her and she ran to another computer on their right side. Squall looked over the information she had obtained; mainly it consisted of the names and cases of the members of past resistance factions. The alphabetical order was scrolled up to 'L'.
Ledd, Raymond and Penelope
Dollet Lights
Terminated under order of Pres. DelingSeeD Issued Task: Venir, Paul
Children: Female, 2/4/78, Ledd, Terese
Sent to Galbadia Garden under Director Martine
The rest of the cases were similar, stating the names of the members of the resistance faction, who had killed them, what resistance faction they belonged to and that the children had been taken to become SeeD. So she was right...SeeDs were the children of freedom fighters. He continued to scroll down until a name caught and held his attention.
Loire, Raine (Married to Loire, Laguna, President of Esthar)
Torama Plains
Terminated under order of Deling
SeeD Issued Task: Kramer, Cid
Children: Female, 9/10/77, Leonhart, ElloneDied of complications
Male, 8/23/84, Loire, Squall
Sent to Balamb Garden under Director Kramer
He was the son of the President of Esthar. He had a sister, who had died of 'complications', but he knew what that meant. She had been murdered. His mother had been murdered by the man he had trusted all of his life. He had become what his mother had hated most in the world.
Loire...
The dream had been true. The woman was his mother, fighting in vain for a cause that would probably go forever unnoticed. For a moment his mouth hung open, before he pulled it back into alignment and stared blankly at the screen. He had followed the orders of the man who had cheated him of any sense of normality he might have held on to. He had regarded as his father the man who stole his own.
"I won't have anything to do with it!" Squall shouted, crashing his fist into the keyboard. The screen went blank for a moment but then the words reappeared, driving into Squall's mind.
"Squall, what are you doing?" Selphie cried out, running to him.
"He killed them..." Squall whispered, holding onto the ledge the computer sat on. Selphie skimmed over the file and let out a small gasp.
"You're the son of Sir Laguna?" She asked in amazement. " I'm surprised that SeeD didn't manage to capture you; the son of a former president under their power would be a great accomplishment for them." She frowned and continued with disgust in her voice. "They would have been right proud of themselves, the President's son their lackey. You're a very lucky man, Squall."
He had been so blinded. SeeD had given him power but all along, it was he who gave them his essence, his being, and for what? To destroy the friends of his father and their children? To brainwash an empire? To be the mother-fucking KGB of the modern world?! They had used him to do their bidding. They had used him to kill.
"Don't cry." Squall lifted his eyes from the floor, meeting his shining pools of blue with the concerned emeralds. She wiped his tears with her soft fingers and gave a sad smile. He hadn't realized they had leaked from his eyes.
"Your parents had fought to the end," She whispered. "Just as mine had. That's why we're part of the Forest Owls. As long as we keep fighting, someday this won't happen to other children. And...and our parents can rest in peace."
Squall closed his eyes, realizing what he should have known all along. But he had preoccupied himself with killing, and disappointed his father, wherever he was. That much was certain. He placed his hand on Selphie's cheek, then tilted her face towards his.
~***~
September 25
5:23 a.m.
Director Kramer:
All is well. The mission goes as planned. You know what, I don't care. Fucking come and get me. Just try it. You have trained me all my life, I can handle it.
I know what you are.
-- Squall Leonhart