~Across The Universe~
*Chapter Eight*
"Trouble"
I must have fallen asleep on the sofa, because the phone woke me up. I shook out the cobwebs, and picked up.
"Hello?"
"Hi, I'm looking for Joey Tribianni," said the voice on the other end.
"Yeah, uh, speaking."
"Hi, Joey, this is Marianne, from the clinic. I wanted to talk to you about your test results. Apparently, there was some sort of mix up with your results, and it turns out that you were the one that matched Chandler's type."
"I'm a match?! Whoa, wait, what do you mean by mix-up."
"Oh, don't worry, we've already spoken to your friend Ross. We called him a few days ago and told him he was a match. I just talked to him, and told him it was actually you, not him."
"Oh. Okay, well, what do we do now?"
"Well, we need to run a few more tests, to ensure that this is the best option for Chandler. Then you and Chandler will need to speak with a specialist, and a counselor."
"A counselor? Like, like a shrink?"
"Kind of. This type of surgery can be just as emotionally trying as it can be physically. We want you both to understand every aspect of what is going to happen."
"I just wanna help my friend."
"I know. Can you come into the clinic on Monday, so we can start the process?"
"I'll be there."
I wrote down the information, then set out to find Ross. He had some serious explaining to do.
***~***
I hesitated, before knocking on Monica's door. I was between sessions, and finally felt good enough to do this. But what was I doing? What did I want? What did she want? There was really only one way to find out. I knocked.
"Hi," she said. She looked tired. And sad. I couldn't help but feel responsible for that.
"Hi," was all I could think to say. We settled on her sofa, and for a long, heavy moment, no one spoke.
"How are you feeling?"
"Alright. Mostly...worn out," I chuckled at the ridiculousness of the entire scenario.
"When is your next session?"
"Day after tomorrow. So, tomorrow I'll be totally useless." It was true. The dialysis had become, in it's own way, my new drug. My kidneys really weren't doing much at all, so by the time I was ready for another round, I was so weak I could barely move. It did remind me of the days when I was so messed up that I couldn't function without...pharmaceutical assistance.
"Is Phoebe taking you?"
"Um, I don't think so. She has to work. I'll just take a cab...it's no big deal."
"Well, my Dad gave me his Porsche. I can take you."
"Your Dad gave you his Porsche? Why? Did he buy a Ferrarri?"
"No...it's a long story. Let's just say he owed me one."
"I see. Well, if that's the way it works, I think I probably owe you a house...or two."
"You don't owe me anything," Monica's voice was sad, and quiet.
"I feel like I do. Mon, I know you think that we should try again, but--"
"If you don't want to Chandler, I'm not going to pressure you." She was breaking my heart.
"It's not that I don't want to, Mon...I do. I do love you. But I've already caused you so much trouble...and look what happened last time we..."
"Neither of us handled it well last time. But we've both learned, haven't we?"
"Mon, it's not just that. What if I don't find a donor in time? What if--"
"That doesn't matter anymore. We'll be okay, this time. This time, we'll do better."
I wanted to believe her. I really did. I looked into her eyes, and was shocked to see how much hope and love they held. But deep down, I wasn't so sure. Something inside was telling me that my luck was running very thin...and that the end was very near.
***~***
I opened the door, and let Joey in. I had a feeling that he must have talked to the clinic, because he looked pissed. I watched him as he stood in front of me, gathering his thoughts. He finally sighed, and looked at me sadly.
"You weren't going to donate, were you?"
"Joey, I--"
"I know, Ross. He pisses me off too. He threw away so much...but he is still my best friend, and I can not just let him die, knowing that there is something I could have done to save him. I'm not mad...I'm sad. Sad that you don't feel the same way."
"Joey, what if you do this, and he dies anyway? Or he gets back on drugs?"
"I'll still know in my heart that I did everything I could. Is that why you weren't gonna do it? Because you think he is gonna die?"
"I...you have to understand, Joe. He abandoned my sister. And then I let him come back into her life, and he hurt her again. I want to by sympathetic to my friend...but he has just hurt Monica one too many times."
"She has forgiven him, Ross. She still wants him in her life."
"Well, then she's a fool. She's in love with him, and she can't see that nothing is gonna change. He's not the same person he was three years ago, Joey. He's a junkie...he's..."
"He's your friend. And he has a problem. And don't even believe for a second that he would have had to think twice if it would have been you."
"I know. That's what's killing me the most."
"I'm going to donate. And I won't tell the others about all of this...on one condition."
"What?"
"You have to give Chandler the benefit of the doubt. And let him and your sister try to find happiness."
As much as I hated it, and with all the doubts that filled my head, I reluctently agreed to the deal. I really didn't want the others knowing about this...it wasn't like I was proud of it. Joey left to tell Chandler and Monica the good news. That he was going to give Chandler a second chance.
Something I was not willing, and now, not able to do. And I've never felt so guilty in my life.
***~***
I was dozing off, with an exhausted Monica in my arms. I knew that it was a bad idea to try again, but I just couldn't say no. I loved her so much. I felt like I was drowning, and Monica was the only thing keeping me from sinking. In my heart, I knew that my time with Monica was coming to a close, and that I would not get another chance. So I decided to hang on to every precious moment I could take, and cherish it, in my heart, until my last day on Earth. I was almost asleep when Joey came flying into the apartment.
"Chandler! I've got great news!"
I opened my eyes, and Monica stirred, and shot Joey a dirty look.
"I'm a match!"
"What?"
"I'm a match! I'm giving you a kidney!"
My heart dropped. This was not what I wanted. As much as I wanted to live, I didn't want any of my friends to match.
"Joey, are you sure about this? Because I don't think--"
"I know you don't want me to do it, Chandler, but it's my choice, and I am choosing to help you. You don't have a choice!"
"Joey, just stop and think for a minute, okay? The surgery is going to be rough, and risky. You're gonna have a big scar, and that can't be good for your acting career--"
"Nice try, Chandler. I've thought about all of that okay? I'm not worried about any of it. I just want you to get better."
"Joe--"
"I'm doing it. You are getting a second chance here. Do not forget that, okay?"
I looked at Joey, and sighed heavily. All of this trouble, all of this pain, because I was too weak to resist the temptations of pure evil. With guilt and sadness coursing through my worn veins, I reluctantly agreed.
***
~Seven months later~
I am sitting in my doctor's office, waiting for the results of my blood test. It's been a long, painful seven months. Joey made it through the surgery without a hitch, but he was in pain for a long time afterward. I found that helping Joey, and rebuilding my relationship with Monica and the others helped keep my life in perspective. I didn't think it was possible to love Monica any more than I already did, but I wake up every day, and I can't believe that she has stuck by me through all of this. And I love her more than anything. And I have made a vow, that I will never hurt her again. That's my goal.
Ross' strange behavior has begun to subside. No one could figure out why he was being so weird, but Rachel thought that maybe it was because Joey got to donate and he didn't. I don't think that's it, though...I wish I could talk to him like I used to. I'm afraid that nothing will ever be the same between us.
The doctor comes in, and I can see from his expression that what he is about to tell me will change everything I've been thinking about. It will change my perspective, it will alter my life, and it will make it impossible for me not to hurt Monica again.
"Chandler, your body is rejecting the kidney."
Darkness falls.
Trouble
(Coldplay)
Oh no, I see,
A spider web is tangled up with me,
And I lost my head,
The thought of all the stupid things I said,
Oh no what's this?
A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle,
So I turned to run,
The thought of all the stupid things I've done,
I never meant to cause you trouble,
And I never meant to do you wrong,
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
Oh no, I never meant to do you harm.
Oh no I see,
A spider web and it's me in the middle,
So I twist and turn,
Here I am in my little bubble,
Singing, I never meant to cause you trouble,
I never meant to do you wrong,
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
Oh no, I never meant to do you harm.
They spun a web for me,
They spun a web for me,
They spun a web for me.
AN: Hmm. Got some interesting reviews for the last one...always appreciated. But...While I have not done extensive research on kidney transplants, my uncle just had one, and my Dad tested to be a donor, and we all learned a lot through that. Also, my cousin got one...it's rejecting...so he needs another one. To clarify one fact...it IS harder on the recipient after the surgery...the surgery itself is much riskier on the donor. Maybe I didn't write it out very clearly, sorry bout that. My writing skills definitely need work in that area, LOL.
*Chapter Eight*
"Trouble"
I must have fallen asleep on the sofa, because the phone woke me up. I shook out the cobwebs, and picked up.
"Hello?"
"Hi, I'm looking for Joey Tribianni," said the voice on the other end.
"Yeah, uh, speaking."
"Hi, Joey, this is Marianne, from the clinic. I wanted to talk to you about your test results. Apparently, there was some sort of mix up with your results, and it turns out that you were the one that matched Chandler's type."
"I'm a match?! Whoa, wait, what do you mean by mix-up."
"Oh, don't worry, we've already spoken to your friend Ross. We called him a few days ago and told him he was a match. I just talked to him, and told him it was actually you, not him."
"Oh. Okay, well, what do we do now?"
"Well, we need to run a few more tests, to ensure that this is the best option for Chandler. Then you and Chandler will need to speak with a specialist, and a counselor."
"A counselor? Like, like a shrink?"
"Kind of. This type of surgery can be just as emotionally trying as it can be physically. We want you both to understand every aspect of what is going to happen."
"I just wanna help my friend."
"I know. Can you come into the clinic on Monday, so we can start the process?"
"I'll be there."
I wrote down the information, then set out to find Ross. He had some serious explaining to do.
***~***
I hesitated, before knocking on Monica's door. I was between sessions, and finally felt good enough to do this. But what was I doing? What did I want? What did she want? There was really only one way to find out. I knocked.
"Hi," she said. She looked tired. And sad. I couldn't help but feel responsible for that.
"Hi," was all I could think to say. We settled on her sofa, and for a long, heavy moment, no one spoke.
"How are you feeling?"
"Alright. Mostly...worn out," I chuckled at the ridiculousness of the entire scenario.
"When is your next session?"
"Day after tomorrow. So, tomorrow I'll be totally useless." It was true. The dialysis had become, in it's own way, my new drug. My kidneys really weren't doing much at all, so by the time I was ready for another round, I was so weak I could barely move. It did remind me of the days when I was so messed up that I couldn't function without...pharmaceutical assistance.
"Is Phoebe taking you?"
"Um, I don't think so. She has to work. I'll just take a cab...it's no big deal."
"Well, my Dad gave me his Porsche. I can take you."
"Your Dad gave you his Porsche? Why? Did he buy a Ferrarri?"
"No...it's a long story. Let's just say he owed me one."
"I see. Well, if that's the way it works, I think I probably owe you a house...or two."
"You don't owe me anything," Monica's voice was sad, and quiet.
"I feel like I do. Mon, I know you think that we should try again, but--"
"If you don't want to Chandler, I'm not going to pressure you." She was breaking my heart.
"It's not that I don't want to, Mon...I do. I do love you. But I've already caused you so much trouble...and look what happened last time we..."
"Neither of us handled it well last time. But we've both learned, haven't we?"
"Mon, it's not just that. What if I don't find a donor in time? What if--"
"That doesn't matter anymore. We'll be okay, this time. This time, we'll do better."
I wanted to believe her. I really did. I looked into her eyes, and was shocked to see how much hope and love they held. But deep down, I wasn't so sure. Something inside was telling me that my luck was running very thin...and that the end was very near.
***~***
I opened the door, and let Joey in. I had a feeling that he must have talked to the clinic, because he looked pissed. I watched him as he stood in front of me, gathering his thoughts. He finally sighed, and looked at me sadly.
"You weren't going to donate, were you?"
"Joey, I--"
"I know, Ross. He pisses me off too. He threw away so much...but he is still my best friend, and I can not just let him die, knowing that there is something I could have done to save him. I'm not mad...I'm sad. Sad that you don't feel the same way."
"Joey, what if you do this, and he dies anyway? Or he gets back on drugs?"
"I'll still know in my heart that I did everything I could. Is that why you weren't gonna do it? Because you think he is gonna die?"
"I...you have to understand, Joe. He abandoned my sister. And then I let him come back into her life, and he hurt her again. I want to by sympathetic to my friend...but he has just hurt Monica one too many times."
"She has forgiven him, Ross. She still wants him in her life."
"Well, then she's a fool. She's in love with him, and she can't see that nothing is gonna change. He's not the same person he was three years ago, Joey. He's a junkie...he's..."
"He's your friend. And he has a problem. And don't even believe for a second that he would have had to think twice if it would have been you."
"I know. That's what's killing me the most."
"I'm going to donate. And I won't tell the others about all of this...on one condition."
"What?"
"You have to give Chandler the benefit of the doubt. And let him and your sister try to find happiness."
As much as I hated it, and with all the doubts that filled my head, I reluctently agreed to the deal. I really didn't want the others knowing about this...it wasn't like I was proud of it. Joey left to tell Chandler and Monica the good news. That he was going to give Chandler a second chance.
Something I was not willing, and now, not able to do. And I've never felt so guilty in my life.
***~***
I was dozing off, with an exhausted Monica in my arms. I knew that it was a bad idea to try again, but I just couldn't say no. I loved her so much. I felt like I was drowning, and Monica was the only thing keeping me from sinking. In my heart, I knew that my time with Monica was coming to a close, and that I would not get another chance. So I decided to hang on to every precious moment I could take, and cherish it, in my heart, until my last day on Earth. I was almost asleep when Joey came flying into the apartment.
"Chandler! I've got great news!"
I opened my eyes, and Monica stirred, and shot Joey a dirty look.
"I'm a match!"
"What?"
"I'm a match! I'm giving you a kidney!"
My heart dropped. This was not what I wanted. As much as I wanted to live, I didn't want any of my friends to match.
"Joey, are you sure about this? Because I don't think--"
"I know you don't want me to do it, Chandler, but it's my choice, and I am choosing to help you. You don't have a choice!"
"Joey, just stop and think for a minute, okay? The surgery is going to be rough, and risky. You're gonna have a big scar, and that can't be good for your acting career--"
"Nice try, Chandler. I've thought about all of that okay? I'm not worried about any of it. I just want you to get better."
"Joe--"
"I'm doing it. You are getting a second chance here. Do not forget that, okay?"
I looked at Joey, and sighed heavily. All of this trouble, all of this pain, because I was too weak to resist the temptations of pure evil. With guilt and sadness coursing through my worn veins, I reluctantly agreed.
***
~Seven months later~
I am sitting in my doctor's office, waiting for the results of my blood test. It's been a long, painful seven months. Joey made it through the surgery without a hitch, but he was in pain for a long time afterward. I found that helping Joey, and rebuilding my relationship with Monica and the others helped keep my life in perspective. I didn't think it was possible to love Monica any more than I already did, but I wake up every day, and I can't believe that she has stuck by me through all of this. And I love her more than anything. And I have made a vow, that I will never hurt her again. That's my goal.
Ross' strange behavior has begun to subside. No one could figure out why he was being so weird, but Rachel thought that maybe it was because Joey got to donate and he didn't. I don't think that's it, though...I wish I could talk to him like I used to. I'm afraid that nothing will ever be the same between us.
The doctor comes in, and I can see from his expression that what he is about to tell me will change everything I've been thinking about. It will change my perspective, it will alter my life, and it will make it impossible for me not to hurt Monica again.
"Chandler, your body is rejecting the kidney."
Darkness falls.
Trouble
(Coldplay)
Oh no, I see,
A spider web is tangled up with me,
And I lost my head,
The thought of all the stupid things I said,
Oh no what's this?
A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle,
So I turned to run,
The thought of all the stupid things I've done,
I never meant to cause you trouble,
And I never meant to do you wrong,
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
Oh no, I never meant to do you harm.
Oh no I see,
A spider web and it's me in the middle,
So I twist and turn,
Here I am in my little bubble,
Singing, I never meant to cause you trouble,
I never meant to do you wrong,
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
Oh no, I never meant to do you harm.
They spun a web for me,
They spun a web for me,
They spun a web for me.
AN: Hmm. Got some interesting reviews for the last one...always appreciated. But...While I have not done extensive research on kidney transplants, my uncle just had one, and my Dad tested to be a donor, and we all learned a lot through that. Also, my cousin got one...it's rejecting...so he needs another one. To clarify one fact...it IS harder on the recipient after the surgery...the surgery itself is much riskier on the donor. Maybe I didn't write it out very clearly, sorry bout that. My writing skills definitely need work in that area, LOL.