~Across The Universe~
*Chapter Ten*
"Tears In Heaven"
I wish I could tell you that I had full confidence in my doctors, and that I truly believed that I would find another kidney. But the truth of the matter is, the news that my body was rejecting Joey's kidney sucked every once of hope and confidence that I had left. I felt like I had failed somehow, and that, even though I had no control over whether or not my body would accept the kidney, the rejection was a kind of sign...a sign that I was not meant to be here.
I spent the next week and a half getting my affairs in order. I had very little inheritance money left, but what I did have I willed to Joey and Monica. I gave Ugly Naked Guy notice, and I bought a plane ticket. I knew where I needed to go, and I knew that I had only one chance to change my destiny.
The problem was, I was sure I would not be able to do it.
***~***
Chandler has been unusually distant lately. He refuses to talk to me, and it is starting to scare me. And he hasn't been looking well. He sometimes looks as though he is going to collapse, he looks so sickly. I urged him to go back to his doctor, but he keeps insisting that everything is fine, and maybe he is pushing himself too hard.
He disappears, for hours at a time, and never says where he's going, or when he'll be back. He's very sensitive, when it comes to physical contact, and we haven't been intimate in over a week.
Something is wrong. I can feel it.
***~***
I spent the entire day searching, and was shocked when I actually found what I was looking for. The things you think you lose always turn up in the strangest places...but always when you need them most.
I told Monica I was leaving. I had to tell her to her face, even if my reasons for leaving her are a lie. She insisted that children were not a priority for her anymore, but I argued otherwise.
"Monica, you have wanted children for as long as I have known you. I am physically...incapable now, and no one in their right mind is going to let me adopt a child. It's best if you marry someone who can give you everything you want. You deserve someone who will give you the world, not take it away from you."
"But I love you."
"I love you too. That's why I am walking away. It's better this way, Mon. For everyone."
I left a few hours ago. I didn't tell the others, but I left all of them letters. I knew that they would gang upon me, and try to get the truth out of me. I couldn't tell them I was dying, not after everything I've put them through. Especially Joey.
I left him with a profuse apology, and the only thing that I could think would let him know that, deep down, I've always cared.
***~***
I came home from an audition, and found Chandler's letter. It was sitting underneath a video cassette. I read the note first.
Joey~
I'm sorry for leaving after all you've done for me. You have no idea how grateful I am to you. I will never be able to repay you for all you've done. Please understand, that I can't stay in New York, but that it has nothing to do with you.
Best buds, today and forever-
~Chandler
He left. Again. I hate him, so much for doing this. But, remarkably, I also understand. I slip the tape into the VCR. The screen lights up, and I see Chandler, standing in the living room where I now stand alone. It is the Chandler I know, the one from several years ago, before the drugs. He is smiling, and bouncing, the way he does when he gets excited about something. He looks directly into the camera, and speaks:
"Okay, December 28, 1997. The duck has just crapped in Joey's favourite pair of shoes, and I captured it on tape. And since this is the end of the tape, that wraps up...chick and duck highlights, '97, baybee!"
I sink into my chair, my heart heavy with grief. I may not be the brightest guy in the world, but I know this much to be true;
Chandler is dying.
Tears In Heaven
(Eric Clapton and Will Jennings)
Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on,
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven.
Would you hold my hand if I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand if I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day,
'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven.
Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees.
Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please.
Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure,
And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven.
Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on,
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven
AN: This chapter is short, but it is setting up the conclusion~coming soon!
*Chapter Ten*
"Tears In Heaven"
I wish I could tell you that I had full confidence in my doctors, and that I truly believed that I would find another kidney. But the truth of the matter is, the news that my body was rejecting Joey's kidney sucked every once of hope and confidence that I had left. I felt like I had failed somehow, and that, even though I had no control over whether or not my body would accept the kidney, the rejection was a kind of sign...a sign that I was not meant to be here.
I spent the next week and a half getting my affairs in order. I had very little inheritance money left, but what I did have I willed to Joey and Monica. I gave Ugly Naked Guy notice, and I bought a plane ticket. I knew where I needed to go, and I knew that I had only one chance to change my destiny.
The problem was, I was sure I would not be able to do it.
***~***
Chandler has been unusually distant lately. He refuses to talk to me, and it is starting to scare me. And he hasn't been looking well. He sometimes looks as though he is going to collapse, he looks so sickly. I urged him to go back to his doctor, but he keeps insisting that everything is fine, and maybe he is pushing himself too hard.
He disappears, for hours at a time, and never says where he's going, or when he'll be back. He's very sensitive, when it comes to physical contact, and we haven't been intimate in over a week.
Something is wrong. I can feel it.
***~***
I spent the entire day searching, and was shocked when I actually found what I was looking for. The things you think you lose always turn up in the strangest places...but always when you need them most.
I told Monica I was leaving. I had to tell her to her face, even if my reasons for leaving her are a lie. She insisted that children were not a priority for her anymore, but I argued otherwise.
"Monica, you have wanted children for as long as I have known you. I am physically...incapable now, and no one in their right mind is going to let me adopt a child. It's best if you marry someone who can give you everything you want. You deserve someone who will give you the world, not take it away from you."
"But I love you."
"I love you too. That's why I am walking away. It's better this way, Mon. For everyone."
I left a few hours ago. I didn't tell the others, but I left all of them letters. I knew that they would gang upon me, and try to get the truth out of me. I couldn't tell them I was dying, not after everything I've put them through. Especially Joey.
I left him with a profuse apology, and the only thing that I could think would let him know that, deep down, I've always cared.
***~***
I came home from an audition, and found Chandler's letter. It was sitting underneath a video cassette. I read the note first.
Joey~
I'm sorry for leaving after all you've done for me. You have no idea how grateful I am to you. I will never be able to repay you for all you've done. Please understand, that I can't stay in New York, but that it has nothing to do with you.
Best buds, today and forever-
~Chandler
He left. Again. I hate him, so much for doing this. But, remarkably, I also understand. I slip the tape into the VCR. The screen lights up, and I see Chandler, standing in the living room where I now stand alone. It is the Chandler I know, the one from several years ago, before the drugs. He is smiling, and bouncing, the way he does when he gets excited about something. He looks directly into the camera, and speaks:
"Okay, December 28, 1997. The duck has just crapped in Joey's favourite pair of shoes, and I captured it on tape. And since this is the end of the tape, that wraps up...chick and duck highlights, '97, baybee!"
I sink into my chair, my heart heavy with grief. I may not be the brightest guy in the world, but I know this much to be true;
Chandler is dying.
Tears In Heaven
(Eric Clapton and Will Jennings)
Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on,
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven.
Would you hold my hand if I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand if I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day,
'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven.
Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees.
Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please.
Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure,
And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven.
Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on,
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven
AN: This chapter is short, but it is setting up the conclusion~coming soon!