Pain
By Quills
Captain Archer looked at his Chief Medical officer as he asked a question he knew
had no hope of bringing the news he wanted to hear? "Is there anything you can do for him Doctor?"
Phlox hesitated for moment. He knew how the Captain felt about the Engineer. He did not wish to tell
the Captain there was nothing he could do…but it was the unfortunate truth. "I'm sorry Captain." Said
the Doctor. "Commander Tucker's problems are psychological…not physical."
Archer sighed. "So your saying you can't do anything for him?"
Phlox gave the only answer he could. "I'm afraid that is exactly what I'm saying, Captain. I'm sorry…I
wish I could do more, but the only thing that can cure Commander Tucker…is Commander Tucker." He
paused for a moment. "Perhaps at a facility with
A psychiatric staff, the commander could receive adequate treatment."
Archer looked down at the sickbay floor as he gritted his teeth. "Those damn Suliban…"
He said but stopped short as he felt dizzy again.
T'Pol grabbed the Captain's arm and steadied him. "Captain, getting angry will not help your condition…or
Commander Tucker."
"Well maybe I need to get angry!" said Archer as he pulled his arm away from the Vulcan and steadied
himself against a bio-bed. "We humans don't bury our feelings inside. Especially when it comes to the people
we care about. Trip may mean nothing to you but he's my friend, dammit!"
Archer regretted the words as soon as he said them. He knew he had deeply offended the Vulcan
science officer. In the short time she had served aboard Enterprise he made note
Of her 'emotional' responses. T'Pol had straightened herself. She did that when she was
Angry or offended…in this case…both.
"T'Pol…I'm sorry…I didn't…I didn't mean what I said."
T'Pol knew the bond between the Captain and Commander Tucker was strong. Sometimes she even envied
it. "I understand Captain."
Archer shook his head. "No, you don't." he said not wanting to say his next words. "Trip has turned in his
resignation. He's leaving Starfleet."
Both T'Pol and Phlox looked at the Captain in surprise. "When did he tender his resignation?" asked T'Pol.
"This morning" said the Captain weakly. "I tried to talk him out of it, but he wouldn't listen. Said he wasn't
going to be responsible for any more deaths. I told him…told him it wasn't his fault. That it was the Suliban.
They were the ones that captured him…tortured him..."
The Doctor could see that his Captain was taking his friends condition very hard, but it wasn't helping the
Captain's weakened physical condition. "Captain, you should still be resting."
"Doctor!" said Archer raising his voice for a moment before he calmed down. "Your right…I know."
Phlox moved to the Captain's side and examined his bandages. "The injuries Commander…Commander
Tucker inflicted on you were severe. You need to let them heal."
"One more thing he blames himself for." Said Archer as he looked at T'Pol. "If it wasn't for your fast
reflexes he would have punctured my heart with that knife instead of one my lungs."
T'Pol looked at the Captain for a moment while she considered what she should tell him. "Captain…as your
first officer it is my responsibility to point out when your actions
may pose a threat to your welfare."
"T'Pol…" started Archer, but she held her hand up in protest.
"If you will not heed the warning of your first officer then heed a warning from a …friend. You have
done all you can Jon…as the Doctor has pointed out. It is up
to Commander Tucker."
"Your right." He said shaking his head wearily. "I just feel like I'm abandoning him."
He knew he had done all he could for his Chief Engineer and friend, but it didn't help
him feel any better. "I'm gonna turn in."
"I think that would be best, Captain." Said Phlox with a sigh of relief. "You need to rest."
The Captain turned to leave sickbay, but stopped and turned to T'Pol. "Thank you T'Pol."
She nodded at him and he continued on his way. Once she was certain he had left sickbay she spoke. "Doctor,
you are certain you can do nothing for the Commander."
Phlox sighed. "As I told the Captain, Commander Tucker is a broken man and not just from the torture and
brainwashing inflicted by the Suliban. He holds himself responsible for the Enterprise crewmen whose deaths
he unwittingly caused. Not to mention his 'attempted murder' of Captain Archer. He is a man tormented by 'demons'
only he can exorcise."
T'Pol looked down in contemplation. She was experiencing an unusual emotional
Reaction; one which she was finding difficult to suppress. She turned back to Phlox. "Goodnight Doctor."
"Goodnight Sub Commander." Replied the Doctor as he watched her leave. He
noticed that even the ship's resident Vulcan had been affected by the recent events
aboard Enterprise.
T'Pol approached the door hesitantly. She pressed the buzzer…no answer…she tried again…still nothing.
She pondered the wisdom of what she was about to do. She thought back to what the Captain had said
to her and his own self recriminating feelings of abandoning the Commander Tucker. She found that similar
'feelings' was plaguing her as well. What made matters worse was the fact that she believed she might be
able to help Commander Tucker. What she was considering was dangerous and she had very little experience,
but She could not tolerate the feelings, which were overwhelming her. T'Pol took a deep breath and accessed
the emergency override and keyed in her authorization.
The door slid open and she peered into the room.
"Commander Tucker?"
There was no response. She peered into the darkened quarters. She could make out the
Silhouette of a person sitting on the floor.
"Commander?"
"Go away T'Pol." A voice responded.
"Commander, the Captain is concerned about your welfare. He says you will not speak
to him."
"If I won't talk to him why the hell would I talk to you!" he spat.
"Commander, I am not your enemy."
"Your better off that way. I kill my friends." He said with a hard swallow. The light from the passing
stars outside the view port dimly lit the quarters. She could see his face now.
She could see that he had been crying. He looked up at her meekly. She looked at him and in his eyes she
could see the pain he was feeling. Her tone softened and she called his name. "Trip"
Trip Tucker stared at her in surprise. She had never called him that before.
"It was not your fault." She told him reassuringly.
He wanted to say something to her. All his emotions were running high…anger…fear... love…despair…but all he
could muster was a choked out plea. "Please…just go."
"I cannot do that." She told him as she kneeled next to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.
He reacted out of fear of letting anyone he cared about getting close to him. "I said leave you Vulcan
bitch!" Lashing out violently he struck the Vulcan sending her careening into the nearby couch. She sunk
down to the floor and lay quite still.
Seeing the Vulcan lying unconscious against the couch he realized what he had done. "T'Pol!" he screamed
as he rushed to her side. "Oh God, I'm sorry…I didn't mean to…I didn't want to hurt you too."
T'Pol fluttered her eyes as he helped her to sit up. Apparently, she had been only dazed by the blow. "I
am uninjured…" she told him. "and I will not leave you in the condition you are in."
"Please…just let me be." He pleaded as fresh tears streamed down his cheeks. "I don't want to hurt anyone
else…least of all you."
She looked at him questioningly. Did she understand him correctly? Could it be that he harbored feelings
for her? She had never believed that he did. He gave no indication.
In fact, he seemed to be constantly at odds with her. She knew full well that she
Was attracted to the Engineer. Her recent attitude towards him had convinced her that she was allowing
herself to be emotionally affected by the human. Was that her real motivation for coming here tonight? She
looked into his eyes. They conveyed
not only the pain and anguish he was feeling, but they also showed a tenderness and
longing that stirred feelings in her she was uncertain she was ready to confront..
He leaned in closer as their breath intermingled. They both looked at one another
as thoughts raced through their minds.
"Trip?" she said weakly. Their close proximity was intoxicating.
Trip Tucker leaned in, his lips brushed across hers and she shuddered in response. Her mind screamed
for her to pull away, but her body wouldn't respond. Instead she kissed Trip Tucker lightly, almost
innocently. There lips played gently across each other until he pulled back. Tears still streamed down
his cheeks; He looked at her with shock and shame.
"T'Pol…I-I'm sorry…I don't know…"
The Vulcan silenced him with her lips as she pulled him back to her forcefully.
She knew what she was doing was about to do was ethically questionable,
But she couldn't stop now. Her own emotions were running high. She
Placed her hand to Trip Tucker's face and proceeded to initiate a mind meld.
He gasped in surprise but surrendered to her kiss. He involuntarily placing his own hands
on her face. They explored each other slowly...hesitantly… in the first few moments of their kiss/mind
meld. Their passion growing bolder as hands searched out bare flesh. Their own passions began to
overwhelm them as kisses became sighs and sighs became
moans; Physical sensations were soon joined by mental ones. Their thoughts began to
mingle…baring themselves in mental 'nakedness'….feelings…desires…pain…anguish.
The link now formed, T'Pol moved her hand from Trip Tucker's face. He looked into
Her face and saw the tears streaming down her face. He wasn't certain how, but she
Was drawing his on his pain…taking it into her. For the first time in weeks he felt
The weight of his guilt and anguish leave him. He could feel her thoughts. They were
Becoming disjointed and chaotic. He wasn't sure what she was doing, but he was certain
Of one thing…it was not working out how she had planned. His new found clarity
Told him he had to act, but he wasn't certain what he could do. He tried speak, but couldn't. He was
feeling lost in this joining and the only one who knew the way out was
Losing it.
Trip Tucker calmed himself. He remembered that Vulcan's were partially telepathic.
T'Pol must have been trying to help him telepathically…and had inadvertently
Gotten all his grief and pain dumped on her. It must have been more than she expected or could handle.
He wasn't going to be responsible for another person suffering…especially
this little lady. He pulled her close to him. She resisted him. Her mind had become more fragmented and
she was slipping into fear and chaos. He closed his eyes and took a deep
breath.
"T'Pol" he thought to her.
She didn't or wouldn't respond.
"T'Pol." He said again. "It's me…Trip…come on darlin. Give me sign ya can hear me in there."
"Leave" she responded weakly.
"No way darlin…you didn't give up on me…I ain't givin up on you."
She didn't respond. He was sensing that she was slipping fast. The link they were
Sharing was dissolving. If it broke, what would happen to the both of them?
He had only one idea and it was a long shot. He didn't understand how they were
Sharing each others thoughts, but he did know that he was overwhelmed by T'Pol's
Own thoughts…concern…loyalty…affection…love. He couldn't be certain, she was a Vulcan and he
might be misinterpreting the emotions he was awash in. However, he had no choice.
Forcing her to look at him he projected his thoughts to her. "I LOVE YOU"
He sensed a response. He had gotten his foot in the door, but could he keep it there?
"T'Pol, please…come back to me. I can't bear to live if you die."
"It hurts Trip" she cried.
"Oh god, T'Pol." He thought. "Stay with me darlin. I'm here with ya. We're in this
together."
"I-I don't know…"she stammered.
"T'Pol…love is stronger than pain. Remember that I love you."
"I..I love you to!" she yelled in mental outburst that screamed her defiance. "I will…will
not give in. I am a Vulcan."
"That's right…you're a member of the most arrogant species in the galaxy…ya can't give in." he chided her.
He did not expect the response she gave him. She laughed. She looked up at him
"Vulcan's are not arrogant." She said with a weak smile.
"T'Pol!" you spoke. "Wait a minute…so did I!"
"Y-yes" you stammered. "The link is broken."
"Are you ok?" he asked her as he steadied her.
"I-I will recover.' She said weakly.
"That was a damn stupid thing you did." He said as anger now came to the forefront.
"You coulda been killed." He said.
"I was counting on you to prevent that." She responded.
Thoughts flashed through his mind; Residual impressions from the meld. She had planned this!
"Y-you took the brunt of my sufferin deliberately….knowin it would overwhelm ya?"
She shook her head as she tried to catch her breath.
Trip Tucker looked down for a moment and it occurred to him. "So I would save ya." He said as he
returned his gaze to her.
"Yes" she said. "It wasn't enough to remove your source of pain. I knew I could not
relieve you of that burden indefinitely…so I needed to give you a reason to come back."
"You took a helluva risk." He said angrily.
"I had no choice." She said not wanting to meet his gaze.
He smiled and placed his hand on her chin...forcing her to look up at him.
"I…Love...you." he said.
She bit her lower lip and looked at him in an almost innocent way as he leaned down and gently kissed
her. She closed her eyes as his lips touched hers. She placed her arms around his neck and drew him in
tightly holding him even after they broke their kiss.
"Thanks for not givin up on me darlin."
"I told you Trip…I had no choice….I love you."
He smiled at her weakly. " The memories are commin back. They're always gonna be with me."
"Yes" she said. "Perhaps not as strong before the meld, but they are demons you will
have to live with…if wish to live."
"I do." he said. "But it's gonna be a long journey."
"Then we shall take it together." She told him.
He hugged her tight and she rested her head on his chest. He was right, he had a long journey before
he exorcised all his demons but he wasn't afraid because the lady Vulcan
was going to be with him.
THE END
By Quills
Captain Archer looked at his Chief Medical officer as he asked a question he knew
had no hope of bringing the news he wanted to hear? "Is there anything you can do for him Doctor?"
Phlox hesitated for moment. He knew how the Captain felt about the Engineer. He did not wish to tell
the Captain there was nothing he could do…but it was the unfortunate truth. "I'm sorry Captain." Said
the Doctor. "Commander Tucker's problems are psychological…not physical."
Archer sighed. "So your saying you can't do anything for him?"
Phlox gave the only answer he could. "I'm afraid that is exactly what I'm saying, Captain. I'm sorry…I
wish I could do more, but the only thing that can cure Commander Tucker…is Commander Tucker." He
paused for a moment. "Perhaps at a facility with
A psychiatric staff, the commander could receive adequate treatment."
Archer looked down at the sickbay floor as he gritted his teeth. "Those damn Suliban…"
He said but stopped short as he felt dizzy again.
T'Pol grabbed the Captain's arm and steadied him. "Captain, getting angry will not help your condition…or
Commander Tucker."
"Well maybe I need to get angry!" said Archer as he pulled his arm away from the Vulcan and steadied
himself against a bio-bed. "We humans don't bury our feelings inside. Especially when it comes to the people
we care about. Trip may mean nothing to you but he's my friend, dammit!"
Archer regretted the words as soon as he said them. He knew he had deeply offended the Vulcan
science officer. In the short time she had served aboard Enterprise he made note
Of her 'emotional' responses. T'Pol had straightened herself. She did that when she was
Angry or offended…in this case…both.
"T'Pol…I'm sorry…I didn't…I didn't mean what I said."
T'Pol knew the bond between the Captain and Commander Tucker was strong. Sometimes she even envied
it. "I understand Captain."
Archer shook his head. "No, you don't." he said not wanting to say his next words. "Trip has turned in his
resignation. He's leaving Starfleet."
Both T'Pol and Phlox looked at the Captain in surprise. "When did he tender his resignation?" asked T'Pol.
"This morning" said the Captain weakly. "I tried to talk him out of it, but he wouldn't listen. Said he wasn't
going to be responsible for any more deaths. I told him…told him it wasn't his fault. That it was the Suliban.
They were the ones that captured him…tortured him..."
The Doctor could see that his Captain was taking his friends condition very hard, but it wasn't helping the
Captain's weakened physical condition. "Captain, you should still be resting."
"Doctor!" said Archer raising his voice for a moment before he calmed down. "Your right…I know."
Phlox moved to the Captain's side and examined his bandages. "The injuries Commander…Commander
Tucker inflicted on you were severe. You need to let them heal."
"One more thing he blames himself for." Said Archer as he looked at T'Pol. "If it wasn't for your fast
reflexes he would have punctured my heart with that knife instead of one my lungs."
T'Pol looked at the Captain for a moment while she considered what she should tell him. "Captain…as your
first officer it is my responsibility to point out when your actions
may pose a threat to your welfare."
"T'Pol…" started Archer, but she held her hand up in protest.
"If you will not heed the warning of your first officer then heed a warning from a …friend. You have
done all you can Jon…as the Doctor has pointed out. It is up
to Commander Tucker."
"Your right." He said shaking his head wearily. "I just feel like I'm abandoning him."
He knew he had done all he could for his Chief Engineer and friend, but it didn't help
him feel any better. "I'm gonna turn in."
"I think that would be best, Captain." Said Phlox with a sigh of relief. "You need to rest."
The Captain turned to leave sickbay, but stopped and turned to T'Pol. "Thank you T'Pol."
She nodded at him and he continued on his way. Once she was certain he had left sickbay she spoke. "Doctor,
you are certain you can do nothing for the Commander."
Phlox sighed. "As I told the Captain, Commander Tucker is a broken man and not just from the torture and
brainwashing inflicted by the Suliban. He holds himself responsible for the Enterprise crewmen whose deaths
he unwittingly caused. Not to mention his 'attempted murder' of Captain Archer. He is a man tormented by 'demons'
only he can exorcise."
T'Pol looked down in contemplation. She was experiencing an unusual emotional
Reaction; one which she was finding difficult to suppress. She turned back to Phlox. "Goodnight Doctor."
"Goodnight Sub Commander." Replied the Doctor as he watched her leave. He
noticed that even the ship's resident Vulcan had been affected by the recent events
aboard Enterprise.
T'Pol approached the door hesitantly. She pressed the buzzer…no answer…she tried again…still nothing.
She pondered the wisdom of what she was about to do. She thought back to what the Captain had said
to her and his own self recriminating feelings of abandoning the Commander Tucker. She found that similar
'feelings' was plaguing her as well. What made matters worse was the fact that she believed she might be
able to help Commander Tucker. What she was considering was dangerous and she had very little experience,
but She could not tolerate the feelings, which were overwhelming her. T'Pol took a deep breath and accessed
the emergency override and keyed in her authorization.
The door slid open and she peered into the room.
"Commander Tucker?"
There was no response. She peered into the darkened quarters. She could make out the
Silhouette of a person sitting on the floor.
"Commander?"
"Go away T'Pol." A voice responded.
"Commander, the Captain is concerned about your welfare. He says you will not speak
to him."
"If I won't talk to him why the hell would I talk to you!" he spat.
"Commander, I am not your enemy."
"Your better off that way. I kill my friends." He said with a hard swallow. The light from the passing
stars outside the view port dimly lit the quarters. She could see his face now.
She could see that he had been crying. He looked up at her meekly. She looked at him and in his eyes she
could see the pain he was feeling. Her tone softened and she called his name. "Trip"
Trip Tucker stared at her in surprise. She had never called him that before.
"It was not your fault." She told him reassuringly.
He wanted to say something to her. All his emotions were running high…anger…fear... love…despair…but all he
could muster was a choked out plea. "Please…just go."
"I cannot do that." She told him as she kneeled next to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.
He reacted out of fear of letting anyone he cared about getting close to him. "I said leave you Vulcan
bitch!" Lashing out violently he struck the Vulcan sending her careening into the nearby couch. She sunk
down to the floor and lay quite still.
Seeing the Vulcan lying unconscious against the couch he realized what he had done. "T'Pol!" he screamed
as he rushed to her side. "Oh God, I'm sorry…I didn't mean to…I didn't want to hurt you too."
T'Pol fluttered her eyes as he helped her to sit up. Apparently, she had been only dazed by the blow. "I
am uninjured…" she told him. "and I will not leave you in the condition you are in."
"Please…just let me be." He pleaded as fresh tears streamed down his cheeks. "I don't want to hurt anyone
else…least of all you."
She looked at him questioningly. Did she understand him correctly? Could it be that he harbored feelings
for her? She had never believed that he did. He gave no indication.
In fact, he seemed to be constantly at odds with her. She knew full well that she
Was attracted to the Engineer. Her recent attitude towards him had convinced her that she was allowing
herself to be emotionally affected by the human. Was that her real motivation for coming here tonight? She
looked into his eyes. They conveyed
not only the pain and anguish he was feeling, but they also showed a tenderness and
longing that stirred feelings in her she was uncertain she was ready to confront..
He leaned in closer as their breath intermingled. They both looked at one another
as thoughts raced through their minds.
"Trip?" she said weakly. Their close proximity was intoxicating.
Trip Tucker leaned in, his lips brushed across hers and she shuddered in response. Her mind screamed
for her to pull away, but her body wouldn't respond. Instead she kissed Trip Tucker lightly, almost
innocently. There lips played gently across each other until he pulled back. Tears still streamed down
his cheeks; He looked at her with shock and shame.
"T'Pol…I-I'm sorry…I don't know…"
The Vulcan silenced him with her lips as she pulled him back to her forcefully.
She knew what she was doing was about to do was ethically questionable,
But she couldn't stop now. Her own emotions were running high. She
Placed her hand to Trip Tucker's face and proceeded to initiate a mind meld.
He gasped in surprise but surrendered to her kiss. He involuntarily placing his own hands
on her face. They explored each other slowly...hesitantly… in the first few moments of their kiss/mind
meld. Their passion growing bolder as hands searched out bare flesh. Their own passions began to
overwhelm them as kisses became sighs and sighs became
moans; Physical sensations were soon joined by mental ones. Their thoughts began to
mingle…baring themselves in mental 'nakedness'….feelings…desires…pain…anguish.
The link now formed, T'Pol moved her hand from Trip Tucker's face. He looked into
Her face and saw the tears streaming down her face. He wasn't certain how, but she
Was drawing his on his pain…taking it into her. For the first time in weeks he felt
The weight of his guilt and anguish leave him. He could feel her thoughts. They were
Becoming disjointed and chaotic. He wasn't sure what she was doing, but he was certain
Of one thing…it was not working out how she had planned. His new found clarity
Told him he had to act, but he wasn't certain what he could do. He tried speak, but couldn't. He was
feeling lost in this joining and the only one who knew the way out was
Losing it.
Trip Tucker calmed himself. He remembered that Vulcan's were partially telepathic.
T'Pol must have been trying to help him telepathically…and had inadvertently
Gotten all his grief and pain dumped on her. It must have been more than she expected or could handle.
He wasn't going to be responsible for another person suffering…especially
this little lady. He pulled her close to him. She resisted him. Her mind had become more fragmented and
she was slipping into fear and chaos. He closed his eyes and took a deep
breath.
"T'Pol" he thought to her.
She didn't or wouldn't respond.
"T'Pol." He said again. "It's me…Trip…come on darlin. Give me sign ya can hear me in there."
"Leave" she responded weakly.
"No way darlin…you didn't give up on me…I ain't givin up on you."
She didn't respond. He was sensing that she was slipping fast. The link they were
Sharing was dissolving. If it broke, what would happen to the both of them?
He had only one idea and it was a long shot. He didn't understand how they were
Sharing each others thoughts, but he did know that he was overwhelmed by T'Pol's
Own thoughts…concern…loyalty…affection…love. He couldn't be certain, she was a Vulcan and he
might be misinterpreting the emotions he was awash in. However, he had no choice.
Forcing her to look at him he projected his thoughts to her. "I LOVE YOU"
He sensed a response. He had gotten his foot in the door, but could he keep it there?
"T'Pol, please…come back to me. I can't bear to live if you die."
"It hurts Trip" she cried.
"Oh god, T'Pol." He thought. "Stay with me darlin. I'm here with ya. We're in this
together."
"I-I don't know…"she stammered.
"T'Pol…love is stronger than pain. Remember that I love you."
"I..I love you to!" she yelled in mental outburst that screamed her defiance. "I will…will
not give in. I am a Vulcan."
"That's right…you're a member of the most arrogant species in the galaxy…ya can't give in." he chided her.
He did not expect the response she gave him. She laughed. She looked up at him
"Vulcan's are not arrogant." She said with a weak smile.
"T'Pol!" you spoke. "Wait a minute…so did I!"
"Y-yes" you stammered. "The link is broken."
"Are you ok?" he asked her as he steadied her.
"I-I will recover.' She said weakly.
"That was a damn stupid thing you did." He said as anger now came to the forefront.
"You coulda been killed." He said.
"I was counting on you to prevent that." She responded.
Thoughts flashed through his mind; Residual impressions from the meld. She had planned this!
"Y-you took the brunt of my sufferin deliberately….knowin it would overwhelm ya?"
She shook her head as she tried to catch her breath.
Trip Tucker looked down for a moment and it occurred to him. "So I would save ya." He said as he
returned his gaze to her.
"Yes" she said. "It wasn't enough to remove your source of pain. I knew I could not
relieve you of that burden indefinitely…so I needed to give you a reason to come back."
"You took a helluva risk." He said angrily.
"I had no choice." She said not wanting to meet his gaze.
He smiled and placed his hand on her chin...forcing her to look up at him.
"I…Love...you." he said.
She bit her lower lip and looked at him in an almost innocent way as he leaned down and gently kissed
her. She closed her eyes as his lips touched hers. She placed her arms around his neck and drew him in
tightly holding him even after they broke their kiss.
"Thanks for not givin up on me darlin."
"I told you Trip…I had no choice….I love you."
He smiled at her weakly. " The memories are commin back. They're always gonna be with me."
"Yes" she said. "Perhaps not as strong before the meld, but they are demons you will
have to live with…if wish to live."
"I do." he said. "But it's gonna be a long journey."
"Then we shall take it together." She told him.
He hugged her tight and she rested her head on his chest. He was right, he had a long journey before
he exorcised all his demons but he wasn't afraid because the lady Vulcan
was going to be with him.
THE END