This story was written in the memory of Ellen, a small girl that died in
cancer not too long ago. I never knew her very well, but I know how much
those who did grieve for her now. The world is empty without you, Ellen.
Know that you're missed.
*
Have I ever told you about Ellen? Ellen… the name still manages to bring a smile to my face. It's amazing how such a small of a human being can bring so much laughter and mirth. She made Trowa let go of all the cooped up laughter he'd kept inside him in an instant. Really, she made Trowa LAUGH. She could comfort Quatre when we thought his grief was beyond repair. She could make the corners of Heeros mouth twitch into a grin, and slowly work its way into a full-hearted smile. And me? I don't know…She made a huge difference, but I can't quite describe the feeling. Like a warm fullness, a sense of being complete. All I can say is that now, when she's no longer here, I'm empty. I don't feel alive, any more.
Oh we never know where life will take us
I know it's just a ride on the wheel.
I know the world isn't fair. Who would know better than me? My parents…sister Helen…father Maxwell…Solo…they were all torn away from me either during the war, or otherwise. I lost so much in those years. I don't know how I managed to smile again as one after the other; the harsh blows hit me like a messenger from hell. I remember shouting at the heavens, cursing their spirits for leaving me alone. I could be angry with them, hate them, despise the, for giving up on me. Because they would understand. They would forgive me. And slowly, bit-by-bit, I would move on. Of course I wouldn't forget. Shinigami doesn't forget. But I could live with it, having told them how angry I was. It felt…better. As if it concluded something, that release of grieving rage.
But I can't do that… Not to Ellen. She wanted to live. She wanted to grow up, to see the huge world that lay stretched before her eyes, waiting to be explored. She fought until the last second, clinging onto life with all her heart.
How could I be angry?
I didn't feel betrayed…if anything, guilty. Guilty for not being able to grant her wish. The bad guy…
And we never know when death will shake us
And we wonder how it will feel.
And so I've never quite been able to let Ellen pass into history. Even though, she's been dead for well over two years now. But time plays no importance; it's just a measurement. Yes, I know I'm crying. I'll let my tears fall, I'm not ashamed. It happens every time I think about her. I don't know how the others feel…if they remember her…I'll ask. Maybe they have let her go…I guess it would make her happy, if I was. For her sake, must less mine, I have to say goodbye. Take my last farewell, of an angel.
So goodbye my friend
I know I'll never see you again
But the time together through all the years
Will take away these tears
It's OK now...
*
Have I ever told you about Ellen? Ellen… the name still manages to bring a smile to my face. It's amazing how such a small of a human being can bring so much laughter and mirth. She made Trowa let go of all the cooped up laughter he'd kept inside him in an instant. Really, she made Trowa LAUGH. She could comfort Quatre when we thought his grief was beyond repair. She could make the corners of Heeros mouth twitch into a grin, and slowly work its way into a full-hearted smile. And me? I don't know…She made a huge difference, but I can't quite describe the feeling. Like a warm fullness, a sense of being complete. All I can say is that now, when she's no longer here, I'm empty. I don't feel alive, any more.
Oh we never know where life will take us
I know it's just a ride on the wheel.
I know the world isn't fair. Who would know better than me? My parents…sister Helen…father Maxwell…Solo…they were all torn away from me either during the war, or otherwise. I lost so much in those years. I don't know how I managed to smile again as one after the other; the harsh blows hit me like a messenger from hell. I remember shouting at the heavens, cursing their spirits for leaving me alone. I could be angry with them, hate them, despise the, for giving up on me. Because they would understand. They would forgive me. And slowly, bit-by-bit, I would move on. Of course I wouldn't forget. Shinigami doesn't forget. But I could live with it, having told them how angry I was. It felt…better. As if it concluded something, that release of grieving rage.
But I can't do that… Not to Ellen. She wanted to live. She wanted to grow up, to see the huge world that lay stretched before her eyes, waiting to be explored. She fought until the last second, clinging onto life with all her heart.
How could I be angry?
I didn't feel betrayed…if anything, guilty. Guilty for not being able to grant her wish. The bad guy…
And we never know when death will shake us
And we wonder how it will feel.
And so I've never quite been able to let Ellen pass into history. Even though, she's been dead for well over two years now. But time plays no importance; it's just a measurement. Yes, I know I'm crying. I'll let my tears fall, I'm not ashamed. It happens every time I think about her. I don't know how the others feel…if they remember her…I'll ask. Maybe they have let her go…I guess it would make her happy, if I was. For her sake, must less mine, I have to say goodbye. Take my last farewell, of an angel.
So goodbye my friend
I know I'll never see you again
But the time together through all the years
Will take away these tears
It's OK now...