Dude! It's the long anticipated chapter three! Now maybe my friends will let me live!! Sigh I don't own anyone in the story, Mary, Liz, and the mysterious person belong to themselves and I only wish Aragorn was mine!! *thinks* Should I thank the reviewers? Why not? There's only two. Moose of Doom (Merry, nevermind, but Mrs. Study is evil) and AishwaryaRei (I'm not sure what possessed you to read this little story of mine, but thank you!). And now, without farther ado, here's chapter three of RUBBER DUCKIES AND PINTS (OR LACK THEREOF!)
Chapter 3: Mary and the hobbits in: What's a condom?
"Now where did they go this time?" Mary asked herself as she looked around for Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin.
"Mary we found something," Merry said as they ran over to her.
"What now?" she asked, rolling her eyes. She never knew hobbits were so inquisative.
"What's this?" Frodo asked, handing her an opened package. She laughed when she recgonized what it was.
"That my deat hobbits is a condom," she said, shaking her head.
"What's a condom and can you eat one?" Pippin asked, hungry again.
"No you can't eat condoms and I'll tell you what they are after I ask a question. What do you think of sex and babies?" she asked.
"Well, it's something that happens between a man and a woman or two men," he said when Merry cleared his throat and grabbed Pippins hand. "When they love each other and they have sex, sometimes they have babies," Sam said, his face flushing with embarassment.
"Uh-huh and sometimes when people don't want babies they use condoms. You put them on your, uh, thing," she said, pointing to their groins, "and you have sex then you trash them," she said, laughing at Sam's expression.
"What's so funny?" Liz asked as she and Legolas walked over to them.
"Just explaining what that is," Mary said, pointing to the condom in Merry's hand.
"Oh. I don't even wanna know," Liz said, shaking her head. "Do you guys know any other words for sex besides sex?" she asked.
"Not that I know of," Frodo said with a shrug as they walked through the store.
"Well listen and learn. Ready Mae?" Liz asked.
"Yup. Start us out," Mary said with a smile.
"Fucking."
"Shagging."
"Screwing."
"A roll in the hay."
"Getting laid."
"Knocking boots."
"Ok, ok, we get the point," Sam said, interrupting them.
"Whatever you say," Mary said with a laugh. No one noticed the mysterious figure shrouded in black sneaking up behind Legolas. The figure quickly jerked Legolas down a different isle before he could alert anyone.
"Come on Legolas," Liz said, turning around to take his hand. "Uhh guys, where's Legolas?" she asked as she began to panic.
"He was right here a minute ago," Mary said, looking around.
"We've gotta find him!!" Liz yelled, freaking out.
"Let's find Aragorn and Gandalf, they'll know what to do," Frodo said, tugging on Mary's hand.
"Ok, let's go," Liz said and they began to search for Aragorn and Gandalf.
FINI!!! (For now!) I'm working on four. It should be up soon. I promise!
Chapter 3: Mary and the hobbits in: What's a condom?
"Now where did they go this time?" Mary asked herself as she looked around for Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin.
"Mary we found something," Merry said as they ran over to her.
"What now?" she asked, rolling her eyes. She never knew hobbits were so inquisative.
"What's this?" Frodo asked, handing her an opened package. She laughed when she recgonized what it was.
"That my deat hobbits is a condom," she said, shaking her head.
"What's a condom and can you eat one?" Pippin asked, hungry again.
"No you can't eat condoms and I'll tell you what they are after I ask a question. What do you think of sex and babies?" she asked.
"Well, it's something that happens between a man and a woman or two men," he said when Merry cleared his throat and grabbed Pippins hand. "When they love each other and they have sex, sometimes they have babies," Sam said, his face flushing with embarassment.
"Uh-huh and sometimes when people don't want babies they use condoms. You put them on your, uh, thing," she said, pointing to their groins, "and you have sex then you trash them," she said, laughing at Sam's expression.
"What's so funny?" Liz asked as she and Legolas walked over to them.
"Just explaining what that is," Mary said, pointing to the condom in Merry's hand.
"Oh. I don't even wanna know," Liz said, shaking her head. "Do you guys know any other words for sex besides sex?" she asked.
"Not that I know of," Frodo said with a shrug as they walked through the store.
"Well listen and learn. Ready Mae?" Liz asked.
"Yup. Start us out," Mary said with a smile.
"Fucking."
"Shagging."
"Screwing."
"A roll in the hay."
"Getting laid."
"Knocking boots."
"Ok, ok, we get the point," Sam said, interrupting them.
"Whatever you say," Mary said with a laugh. No one noticed the mysterious figure shrouded in black sneaking up behind Legolas. The figure quickly jerked Legolas down a different isle before he could alert anyone.
"Come on Legolas," Liz said, turning around to take his hand. "Uhh guys, where's Legolas?" she asked as she began to panic.
"He was right here a minute ago," Mary said, looking around.
"We've gotta find him!!" Liz yelled, freaking out.
"Let's find Aragorn and Gandalf, they'll know what to do," Frodo said, tugging on Mary's hand.
"Ok, let's go," Liz said and they began to search for Aragorn and Gandalf.
FINI!!! (For now!) I'm working on four. It should be up soon. I promise!