Rinoa felt it. That magical spark you feel when you kiss someone who you
really want to get to know. She felt it with Squall and she was feeling it
again. It was immersion in total bliss. A second of Utopia. She felt
safe for the first time since Squall's death. She wanted, no, needed more.
She needed the passion that lovers feel, not the lust, but the passion for
each other, to be close to each other. To hold each other. She didn't
want to break the kiss.
Zell hated it, every vile moment of it. It felt putrid and rancid. It tasted like betrayal and deceitfulness. Still, he returned the kiss, against his will. What choice did he have. That letter Squall had written to him, he vowed upon it. To protect and serve Rinoa. He would do anything and everything in his power to protect Rinoa, regardless of the consequences. Zell had taken that letter as if it were Squall's death wish, he would do anything to please Rinoa. However not only his duty bound him to that kiss, somewhere hidden within his heart, his body didn't want to let go of Rinoa. However, the most prominent feeling was betrayal, he felt like he was the dirtiest, most disloyal person ever.
But maybe Zell hated that kiss for another reason besides being what he considered "disloyal". Maybe it was the fact Zell had grown so used to being the only member of the group without a lover. He had finally gotten over that fact. He decided to shun love and all of it's benefits. He was used to seeing Quistis and Seifer go out. He was used to seeing Selphie and Irvine go out. He was used to seeing Squall and Rinoa go out. He was even used to the double or even triple dates they went on. He was seldom invited. Even when he was invited, he didn't want to go, seeing them like that depressed him. He was constantly lonely. Each time he saw Seifer and Quistis hold hands, his heart ached and yearned for someone of his own. Each time he saw Selphie and Irvine embrace, his heart sunk lower into his chest. Each time he saw Rinoa and Squall kiss, his heart broke into a thousand pieces. When he was younger, (even though it was less than a year ago) and more naïve at that, he still believed in a slight glimmer of hope, that he still had a chance with Quistis and Selphie and even Rinoa. As he grew, he thought about it less and less, but now he realized it wasn't going to happen. So now, Zell had abandoned all hope of love. He highly doubted love was a reality. For them maybe, I mean Squall had the silent, omnipotent act going for him. Irvine had the charm and ladies man features. Seifer had the good looks. Quistis was beautiful beyond compare, angelic even. Rinoa had a kind heart, a bubbly personality, willing to talk to everyone. Selphie was so active and perky, it was as if she flowed part of her energy into you, making you excited and joyful. What did Zell have, nothing…and he hated himself for it. After abandoning love, he tried to be happy for and content with his friends. He stored up all of these different emotions and locked them away in his heart. Instead of trying to find love for himself, he tried to help the other's loves. He knew that even if he did find someone, it wouldn't be the same because they weren't truly a part of the group. Everyone else had a lover that was in their group of friends, so there really was no one left for him and he didn't want someone out of the group. However, more than anything else, he didn't want his friends to be hurt and have their hearts broken, so his hope for love died. That was the other reason he hated this kiss.
Rinoa pulled away from Zell. She smiled. The tears still fell from Zell's face.
"I'll see you later, Zell. In an hour, we'll all meet up. I'll go to tell everyone." Rinoa said blissfully. Zell nodded.
"What's wrong, Zell?" Rinoa asked deeply concerned.
"Nothing." Zell said piteously.
"Meet us in an hour, please." Rinoa said. Rinoa walked away to go to tell the others. Both Zell and herself could tell she was beginning to recover from her loss.
Zell watched as she walked away. He fell to his knees and vomited. He vomited a second time. Then he buried his face in his hands and wept right there.
* * *
Rinoa walked back to the group, who was still sitting at the table in the cafeteria. Quistis and Selphie were beaming at each other and talking in whispers.
"Hey guys." Rinoa said, a smile evident on her face. That was the first fully evident smile on Rinoa's face since Squall's death.
"Where's Zell?" Quistis asked smugly.
"In the courtyard. We're all going to meet at my room in an hour, Okay?" Rinoa asked.
They all nodded.
Rinoa left the cafeteria and started walking to her dorm.
* * *
Zell stood up, he was dizzy. He staggered to his room, hoping he could make it there unnoticed. He slowly opened the door and entered, he flicked on the light.
Quistis was sitting cross-legged on his bed, a smirk glowing on her face.
"How's it going, Zell?" Quistis said smugly.
Zell turned around and faced the door. He sighed, a frown creasing his face. A hand instantly reached up and gripped the pendant on his neck. He could feel the sharp point digging into his flesh, drawing blood.
"Quistis, she kissed me." Zell whispered almost inaudibly as if Squall himself might hear.
"What?" Quistis gasped.
"What were you thinking? Zell, you're rushing her." Quistis said hectically, running over to Zell.
Zell turned spun around quickly. "I said, She kissed me." Zell said clearing it up for Quistis.
Quistis could see the blood dripping from Zell's hand. His hand still had a death grip on the pendant as if letting go of it would do more harm than it already was. Quistis could smell the rancidness of his breath, as if he had just been throwing up. Quistis put a hand over her mouth and shuddered.
"What happened?" Quistis said dismayed.
"I told you, Rinoa kissed me." Zell said repeating himself. Quistis could tell his grip tightened on the necklace.
Quistis put her hands on Zell's bloody one. "Zell, open your hand." Quistis said calmly and authoritatively. Zell's hand opened slowly, blood spewed forth and Quistis could tell Zell had impaled his hand on the necklace. She gently pulled his hand off and used a cure on his hand. A little mark was left in the wound's place.
He melted into Quistis's arms. She wrapped her arms around him. She held him like the brother she always wished she had…no, the brother he always was to her. She rubbed the back of his head soothingly. She could feel his tears wetting her back. She could hear him whisper "Squall…I'm sorry…Squall." over and over again.
Why did she have to be the oldest? Why couldn't it have been Seifer or Zell. Seifer was only 3 months younger than her. Zell was only 4 months younger than Seifer. She wanted to break down and cry just as much, if not more than Zell was. She wanted Zell to be the adult, to hold her as she cried. Instead, she was here cradling him as he wept over the loss of his best friend.
She pulled Zell's head off of her shoulder and held it in her hands. She looked him directly in the eyes.
"Zell, listen closely to me." Quistis started. "We're going to make it through this together." She finished confidently.
Zell nodded his consent.
Seeing that the younger blonde had stopped crying brought tears to her eyes. It was her turn to weep over her lost friend.
(Together, just little brother and big sister.) Quistis thought as a smile crossed her face.
She embraced Zell, crying on his shoulder as he tried his best to soothe her.
Zell hated it, every vile moment of it. It felt putrid and rancid. It tasted like betrayal and deceitfulness. Still, he returned the kiss, against his will. What choice did he have. That letter Squall had written to him, he vowed upon it. To protect and serve Rinoa. He would do anything and everything in his power to protect Rinoa, regardless of the consequences. Zell had taken that letter as if it were Squall's death wish, he would do anything to please Rinoa. However not only his duty bound him to that kiss, somewhere hidden within his heart, his body didn't want to let go of Rinoa. However, the most prominent feeling was betrayal, he felt like he was the dirtiest, most disloyal person ever.
But maybe Zell hated that kiss for another reason besides being what he considered "disloyal". Maybe it was the fact Zell had grown so used to being the only member of the group without a lover. He had finally gotten over that fact. He decided to shun love and all of it's benefits. He was used to seeing Quistis and Seifer go out. He was used to seeing Selphie and Irvine go out. He was used to seeing Squall and Rinoa go out. He was even used to the double or even triple dates they went on. He was seldom invited. Even when he was invited, he didn't want to go, seeing them like that depressed him. He was constantly lonely. Each time he saw Seifer and Quistis hold hands, his heart ached and yearned for someone of his own. Each time he saw Selphie and Irvine embrace, his heart sunk lower into his chest. Each time he saw Rinoa and Squall kiss, his heart broke into a thousand pieces. When he was younger, (even though it was less than a year ago) and more naïve at that, he still believed in a slight glimmer of hope, that he still had a chance with Quistis and Selphie and even Rinoa. As he grew, he thought about it less and less, but now he realized it wasn't going to happen. So now, Zell had abandoned all hope of love. He highly doubted love was a reality. For them maybe, I mean Squall had the silent, omnipotent act going for him. Irvine had the charm and ladies man features. Seifer had the good looks. Quistis was beautiful beyond compare, angelic even. Rinoa had a kind heart, a bubbly personality, willing to talk to everyone. Selphie was so active and perky, it was as if she flowed part of her energy into you, making you excited and joyful. What did Zell have, nothing…and he hated himself for it. After abandoning love, he tried to be happy for and content with his friends. He stored up all of these different emotions and locked them away in his heart. Instead of trying to find love for himself, he tried to help the other's loves. He knew that even if he did find someone, it wouldn't be the same because they weren't truly a part of the group. Everyone else had a lover that was in their group of friends, so there really was no one left for him and he didn't want someone out of the group. However, more than anything else, he didn't want his friends to be hurt and have their hearts broken, so his hope for love died. That was the other reason he hated this kiss.
Rinoa pulled away from Zell. She smiled. The tears still fell from Zell's face.
"I'll see you later, Zell. In an hour, we'll all meet up. I'll go to tell everyone." Rinoa said blissfully. Zell nodded.
"What's wrong, Zell?" Rinoa asked deeply concerned.
"Nothing." Zell said piteously.
"Meet us in an hour, please." Rinoa said. Rinoa walked away to go to tell the others. Both Zell and herself could tell she was beginning to recover from her loss.
Zell watched as she walked away. He fell to his knees and vomited. He vomited a second time. Then he buried his face in his hands and wept right there.
* * *
Rinoa walked back to the group, who was still sitting at the table in the cafeteria. Quistis and Selphie were beaming at each other and talking in whispers.
"Hey guys." Rinoa said, a smile evident on her face. That was the first fully evident smile on Rinoa's face since Squall's death.
"Where's Zell?" Quistis asked smugly.
"In the courtyard. We're all going to meet at my room in an hour, Okay?" Rinoa asked.
They all nodded.
Rinoa left the cafeteria and started walking to her dorm.
* * *
Zell stood up, he was dizzy. He staggered to his room, hoping he could make it there unnoticed. He slowly opened the door and entered, he flicked on the light.
Quistis was sitting cross-legged on his bed, a smirk glowing on her face.
"How's it going, Zell?" Quistis said smugly.
Zell turned around and faced the door. He sighed, a frown creasing his face. A hand instantly reached up and gripped the pendant on his neck. He could feel the sharp point digging into his flesh, drawing blood.
"Quistis, she kissed me." Zell whispered almost inaudibly as if Squall himself might hear.
"What?" Quistis gasped.
"What were you thinking? Zell, you're rushing her." Quistis said hectically, running over to Zell.
Zell turned spun around quickly. "I said, She kissed me." Zell said clearing it up for Quistis.
Quistis could see the blood dripping from Zell's hand. His hand still had a death grip on the pendant as if letting go of it would do more harm than it already was. Quistis could smell the rancidness of his breath, as if he had just been throwing up. Quistis put a hand over her mouth and shuddered.
"What happened?" Quistis said dismayed.
"I told you, Rinoa kissed me." Zell said repeating himself. Quistis could tell his grip tightened on the necklace.
Quistis put her hands on Zell's bloody one. "Zell, open your hand." Quistis said calmly and authoritatively. Zell's hand opened slowly, blood spewed forth and Quistis could tell Zell had impaled his hand on the necklace. She gently pulled his hand off and used a cure on his hand. A little mark was left in the wound's place.
He melted into Quistis's arms. She wrapped her arms around him. She held him like the brother she always wished she had…no, the brother he always was to her. She rubbed the back of his head soothingly. She could feel his tears wetting her back. She could hear him whisper "Squall…I'm sorry…Squall." over and over again.
Why did she have to be the oldest? Why couldn't it have been Seifer or Zell. Seifer was only 3 months younger than her. Zell was only 4 months younger than Seifer. She wanted to break down and cry just as much, if not more than Zell was. She wanted Zell to be the adult, to hold her as she cried. Instead, she was here cradling him as he wept over the loss of his best friend.
She pulled Zell's head off of her shoulder and held it in her hands. She looked him directly in the eyes.
"Zell, listen closely to me." Quistis started. "We're going to make it through this together." She finished confidently.
Zell nodded his consent.
Seeing that the younger blonde had stopped crying brought tears to her eyes. It was her turn to weep over her lost friend.
(Together, just little brother and big sister.) Quistis thought as a smile crossed her face.
She embraced Zell, crying on his shoulder as he tried his best to soothe her.