I'm Not Crying For You Chapter 1: I'm Not Crying for You, a friends fanfic

I want to write a nice happy fic, because...well, let's just say I had a really, extraordinarily bad day. We ended up running for an hour in the rain at crew, and I just really needed to write something happy, except it's not happy in the beginning, but it gets...oh bother. The song is by Save Ferris.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters...oh except for Annie and , I own her, can you actually own a person? Anyway....

"Mommy?" The little girl asked.

"Hmm?"

"Can you tell me a story?"

"A story? What about baby?"

"A princess!"

"A princess huh? What's this princess's name?"

"Annie."

"Annie? That's your name!"

"I know that silly," she smiled at her mother. "Please?"

"What does this Princess Annie do?" Monica asked.

"She saves her prince."

"Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?"

"I don't want it to be," Annie said.

"Fine, then, Princess Annie saves her prince. From what, may I ask, does she save him from?"

"A dragon."

"A dragon? She saves her prince from a dragon. Why? Doesn't he have a sword?"

"Mommy, you're the one supposed to be telling the story," Annie admonished.

"Oh right."

"Mommy, just tell the story okay."

"Okay," Monica smiled at her daughter and began telling her the story. Annie fell asleep and Monica kissed her on the forehead and slipped out into the living room. She glanced at her watch and saw that it had taken longer than usual to get her daughter to go to bed tonight. She sighed as she collapsed on the couch and flipped her feet onto the coffee table for her usual nightly ritual. There was a knock on the door and she stretched as she stood up to answer it. It was her best friend Rachel. Her only friend. She had once had a lot of friends. In fact, there had been six of them. They had been as close as any friends can get.

"Monica! You'll never believe it! Guess who has an interview at Prada?"

"I'm guessing you," Monica said.

"Right! What should I wear? Can I borrow your black pant suit?"

"Sure, why not?" Monica shrugged and allowed Rachel to race to Monica's room and begin throwing clothes and items onto the floor. Monica allowed herself to wander over to the window and glanced out at the city below. She once stared out at another city. Now she was miles away in a new city with her friend and her daughter. She could have been in New York with her old friends and the possible love of her life...if she hadn't screwed it up. He had been so sweet to her. He had bought her roses and taken her to the symphony and she had fallen. She had fallen hard for him. His name was Anthony. And then there was Chandler....she had loved him....she thought anyway. She had been so confused then. She was so torn between Anthony and Chandler. Why had she chosen Anthony? Why had she broken Chandler's heart for him? Now look where that had gotten her. In Seattle with only Rachel and Annie. Annie looked exactly like her, except for her nose and her eyes, she had gotten them from her father.

"Here!" Rachel came up from the mass of clothing on the floor triumphant waving the black pantsuit in her hands. "Thanks Monica."

"Your welcome," Monica replied smiling. She owed Rachel so much. Rachel had gave up everything, her life, her friends, and moved to Seattle with Monica. Monica didn't even know how to begin to repay her for what she had done.

"You okay?" Rachel asked her with a concerned glance in Monica's direction.

"Yeah, fine," Monica said with a wave of her hand to show that she was fine. She wasn't, but she had gotten really good at hiding her feelings.

"What's the matter?" Rachel knew something was wrong. She knew her.

"I was just thinking," Monica said.

"About?"

"About Chandler and Anthony. About leaving, I guess I've been thinking a little about everything." Rachel hugged her friend. Four years of these with Monica had taught her to just hold her friend when she was like this. Four years....had it really been that long? Was Annie really that old? Monica could remember when it all started. When she first met Anthony.

Five years before:

"I have a date tonight," Monica told her friends.

"What's his name?" Ross asked.

"Anthony," Monica called out from her bedroom.

"Can we meet him?" Chandler asked.

"Um....no."

"Why not?"

"We've been through this before," she replied coming back into the living room. "You don't like anyone I date. So no you will not be meeting Anthony."

"That's just not fair," they had complained. "Let us meet him." But Monica had held her ground. And one date had turned into two and two became three and then four and she finally let her friends meet him. He had been perfect, and charming and wonderful and she had been so proud. She finally had a boyfriend that everyone had loved and she love as well. Two blissful months had passed and Monica had fallen in love with Anthony. That's when everything began to fall apart. Her perfect boyfriend, her perfect life....they came apart at the seams. Anthony broke up with her. He told her that it was just a break. Nothing permanent. Of course he didn't have her experience with breaks. He didn't know about Ross and Rachel's break and she was sure that it was permanent. She saw him a week later with a girl on the subway. It was over in her mind. Her and Anthony were no longer an we, but two separate people. She had cried for days.

Baby listen to me

I've got something to say

I have finally realized

That I'm wasting my life away

you make so many promises

that's all you ever do

so tonight I'm leaving

and I won't come back to you

Monica had been utterly depressed. She had stayed in her room for two days and when she emerged, her hair was plastered against her head and her eyes were red and puffy from the constant crying. The apartment walls were thin and Rachel could hear her crying herself to sleep every night. Monica had never taken breakups very well, and she had taken this one incredibly hard. Chandler finally had had enough and came over to talk to Monica, snap her out of this funk that she was in.

"Monica, you are a great person, you are so funny and wonderful," he told her. He had said these things a million times before, but for the first time she was hearing them. She leaned forward and captured his lips with hers. He leaned away.

"What are you doing?" He had asked.

"I'm sorry..." she started.

"Don't be," he whispered taking her and kissing her again. It had felt so right, so good. That's where it started. Their love affair was kept a secret from everyone. They felt this was the best thing to do as Ross would ultimately kill Chandler if he found out what was going on between his best friend and little sister. A month, they had been dating for a month when the phone rang and Monica, who was alone at the time, ran to answer it.

"Monica?" It was Anthony.

"Anthony?" She had been so shocked that she had to sit down.

"Monica? Can we talk?" She should have screamed no. She should have hung the phone up right then and there. She should have never agreed to lunch with him. She should have forgotten that Anthony existed. But she told him to meet her in an hour at the restaurant down the street. Monica actually had no aspirations to meet with him again. She didn't want anything to do with him anymore. So why did she agree to see him again?

doesn't really matter

what you have to say

cause you know it won't bring us back

won't bring back yesterday

Cause I'm not crying for you

I'm not crying for you tonight

so please listen when I say

there's no way I will stay

He told her that he loved her. That he needed her. She was his everything and he had been so stupid to let her go. She listened and in her mind she had pros and con columns for both Anthony and Chandler. Chandler's pro column was almost twice as large as Anthony's, but... Oh, how she hated that but. She wanted it to be cut and dry. She wanted to be able to say to him that she loved Chandler and not him. But there was a spark there. An undeniable spark between the two of them that Monica just couldn't get past. So she kissed him. It had been impulsive. Just like when she had kissed Chandler. It had had happened all at once and she just kissed him for no good reason.

"So does that mean that I've been forgiven?" Anthony asked. Monica nodded and he smiled as he kissed her again. As he took her to his apartment and made love to her she had just one nagging thought racing through her head.

What do I tell Chandler?

Monica had left Anthony's apartment a few hours later and went home to talk to Chandler. She was dreading this talk. She had already regretted seeing Anthony again. She had cheated on Chandler. She had never thought that that was possible. But it had happened. She had slept with someone else. Maybe they could just talk about this rationally and calmly. She opened the door to her apartment and found not Chandler, but Rachel. Before she knew what happened, Monica was in Rachel's arms confessing the whole thing. Her and Chandler sleeping together and then her sleeping with Anthony.

"Oh Rachel! What do I do?" She had cried.

"Shush," Rachel whispered holding her sobbing best friend. "We'll fix this. I promise. Everything will be okay."

"How?" Monica wailed. "How will it be okay?"

"Mon, you have to chose. You have to chose between Anthony and Chandler. Which one do you want?" The truth was that Monica wanted them both. The truth was she knew that she wanted Chandler, but Anthony provided the dangerous relationship, something that she had never been in before. She wanted to take a turn with Anthony and have Chandler waiting for her. She knew this was ridiculous. She knew that she had to chose one or the other or lose them both. She knew that either way she was breaking a heart and probably either way she was breaking her own heart.

"Do you know what you're going to do?" Rachel asked.

"I have to try to work things out with Anthony," Monica said nodding. Rachel offered her support, but wanted to yell at her. She was making the wrong choice and anyone could see that. Rachel didn't tell Monica what the gang really thought of Anthony. She should have. She should have confessed all. But the look in Monica's eyes was telling her that her friend needed support, not criticism. Rachel knew this was all going end disastrously. Monica had to learn by herself and needed to make her own mistakes. If only Rachel would have known how big of a mistake it was going to be she would have stopped her.

should have known that

things would have turn out this way

should have listened to

all things my friends would say

How could you say you loved me?

Well, I know that wasn't true

you were never thinking of me

because you were too much in love with you

Monica dated Anthony for another two weeks before she found out that he was cheating on her. Chandler wasn't talking to her, and neither was Joey or Phoebe. Somehow she knew that she deserved the silent treatment, but her heart was broken. She had made the wrong choice. She did the only thing that she could think of. She decided to move to somewhere else. Anywhere else. As long as it wasn't New York. She found a job in Seattle and left a note for Chandler, said goodbye to Rachel and Ross and flew out a week later to Seattle. She found an apartment and made some new friends, but she still hurt and she was a thousand miles from anything or anyone that was a comfort to her. She found herself becoming violently ill and then she would be fine. Monica bought a pregnancy test, and was surprised to see the results. She was pregnant and alone. She called Rachel and cried on the phone to her best friend across the country.

"Monica? I'm going to move there and take care of you and help you take care of the baby," Rachel told her.

"No, I can't make you do that," Monica told her.

"Don't think about it. I want to do this for you," Rachel said and that was the end of the argument and a few months later, after Rachel had tied some lose ends in New York, she came and joined a three month pregnant Monica.

"Do you know who the father is?" Rachel had asked.

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive," Monica told her. And she was sure. She knew exactly who the father was. And he would never know. Because she wasn't going to tell him. Ever.

"So this is okay if I take this?" Rachel asked Monica again.

"Go ahead," Monica said. "Good luck."

"Thanks," Rachel gave Monica a quick kiss on the cheek and disappeared out of the apartment and Monica sighed again as she sat on the couch. No one but her and Rachel knew about Annie. Not even Ross knew. Monica knew that Rachel missed their friends, she sure did.

"Mommy!" Annie called from her bedroom and Monica raced in.

"What's the matter sweet girl?" Monica asked taking her crying daughter into her arms.

"I had a bad dream."

"I'm sorry baby, want to spend the night with me?"

"Can I?" Annie asked.

"Sure," Monica picked her up and carried her into her own bedroom. She tucked Annie in and then slipped into her pajamas and got into bed too.

"Better?" Monica asked.

"Thanks Mommy," Annie told her sleepily.

"You better go to bed now," Monica told her. "You have a big day tomorrow. It's your field trip to the zoo." Annie nodded and soon after fell asleep. Monica was glad to have Annie with her because she had really not wanted to be alone that night. She kissed the back of her daughter's head. She smoothed down some of Annie's dark curls and fell asleep herself.

The next morning was just as crazy as usual. Monica hurried them out of the apartment and got Annie to preschool just in time for her field trip. Monica then hurried to work and sighed in knowledge of the long day ahead of her.

"Monica?" A voice broke through her thoughts.

"Yeah?" She turned from the stove and faced her coworker.

"There's someone to see you."

"Send them back," Monica said thinking that it was Rachel. She was supposed to stop by after her interview.

"Hello Monica," a familiar voice said. It brought back a parade of memories, both good and bad. It took her a moment to turn around and take the person standing in front of her in.

"Hi Chandler."

Making empty promises

is all you do

You say that you will change

buts that's just not true

so please listen when I say

that I must find better way

there's no need for me to stay

here with you another day

so just stop all the lying

They got a cup of coffee and sat down to talk.

"What are you doing in Seattle?" Monica asked.

"I had a business trip and I thought that I would look you and Rachel up."

"Oh." There was an uncomfortable silence. Things that needed to be said hung over them as well as things that shouldn't have been said.

"So how are you?" He asked. He was trying to make small talk. It was hard to make small talk with a woman you hate, Monica thought.

"I'm okay," she said. "You?"

"Fine."

"Dating anyone?"

"No." There was a pause. Monica was relieved to know that he wasn't dating anyone. "You?" She laughed. Romantic interests were the farthest things from her mind.

"No."

"Oh." Silence again. "How's Rachel?"

"Good, she had an interview with Prada today."

"Is she dating anyone?" Monica nodded.

"His name is Todd. He's a nice guy. He reminds me of Joey." She smiled as she thought about Joey. "How are they?"

"They're good. They miss you."

"Even me?" It was an honest question. They hadn't exactly given her a fond farewell. She hadn't exactly deserved it.

"Yes, even you," he told her.

"I'm sorry Chandler. If that changes anything or makes anything better."

"It doesn't."

"I figured."

"It wasn't all your fault Mon." He had called her Mon. He hadn't called her Mon in years. Another thing to add to the list of things she missed.

"Oh no?" She gave a small laugh.

"No, it was Anthony's fault too." She nodded. It was. But it still had been her choice. She was still the one who chose Anthony over Chandler. She was the one who screwed up. Anthony was just a jerk who precipitated it. She had screwed up. Was Chandler being here a sign that she could fix things? Was this her second chance? She couldn't get her hopes up. Not just to get shut down again. She had lost everything and that wouldn't and couldn't change.

"Yes. But I'm still sorry."

"I know."

"You do?"

"Yes. I know that you're sorry."

"But it doesn't make things better does it?"

"Not really no."

"I'm sorry for that too."

"I know." More silence. It was as if that was the only thing that they could do. Talk for a little while and then have silence. Her cell phone rang and she answered.

"Is she okay? No, I'll be right there." She hung up the phone and began gathering her things.

"Is everything all right?" Chandler asked.

"I have to go," she told him.

"What's the matter?" He tried again.

"My daughter was on a field trip and got hurt," she said. "I have to go." She ran out of the cafe leaving Chandler's head reeling. She had a daughter.

cause tonight I won't be crying for you

and I'm not crying for you

I'm not crying for you tonight

so please listen when I say there's no way that I will stay

no I'm not crying for you

I'm not crying for you tonight

so please listen when I say that there's no way that I will stay

no I'm not crying, no, no I'm not crying for you

I'm not crying for you

I'm not crying for you

*~ I will try to post the next chapter as fast as I can. Please review!!!!!!! It would really brighten my sucky day*~