*~Thanks for reviewing! This is the next part and the song is by Sam Phillips. Please review again!*~
Disclaimer: The characters or the song don't belong to me....sigh....
Chandler took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Monica pulled it open and smiled at him.
"I was worried you might back out," she confessed.
"I was going to," he admitted.
"Come in," she told him moving aside.
"Did you tell Annie who I was?" He asked. She shook her head.
"No," she said. "I was going to once you came. I didn't wan to get her hopes up if you weren't going to show up." He nodded and took a deep breath for the second time. "Nervous?"
"Beyond belief," he let out his breath with a sigh.
"Don't be. I'll go get her," Monica gestured to a seat for him to sit and then disappeared down the hall. She knocked on Annie's door.
"Annie? Sweetheart, there's someone here to see you," she told her. "But first I need to tell you something." Annie placed her doll down and sat on her mother's lap.
"What is it Mommy?" She asked.
"There's a man out there. He came to see you, and he was my friend. His name is Chandler. He's your dad."
"My dad came to see me?" Annie hopped off her lap. "I knew he'd come! I knew he would! Can I go meet him? Can I go see him? Does he look like me?" Monica had to smile at her exuberance, but she prayed that her daughter's hopes wouldn't be crushed if Chandler wasn't what Annie had hoped.
"Sure," Monica said taking her hand and leading her out into the living room where Chandler was nervously fiddling with one of Annie's toys. Monica cleared her throat and Chandler glanced up. He smiled at Monica and her smile eased his worries. She had always had that calming effect on him. Even now, even when they weren't together.
"Hi Annie," Chandler said smiling at the little girl.
"Hi," she suddenly became very shy and hid behind her mother.
"Come here sweet girl," Monica said picking her up and carrying her over to where Chandler was sitting. She sat down with Annie on her lap.
"My name is Chandler," he introduced himself.
"Are you going to be around?" She asked.
"If you want," he said and grinned at Monica. Tears filled in her eyes. This is what she had been missing.
"I want to," Annie said smiling. She leaned forward and wrapped her good arm and her arm in the cast around his neck in a tight embrace. Monica let go and Chandler, taken back at first, returned the hug. Monica excused herself and ran to the bathroom. This was not going to turn out good, she knew. She was sure that either her or Annie, or both of them were going to get hurt. She just knew. Why had she agreed to this?
Chandler was getting to know his daughter and loving every minute of it. She was perfect. She was...well, she was exactly like her mother. She even laughed like Monica.
"I like things neat ," Annie confessed. "Aunt Rachel said that I got that from Mommy." Chandler laughed.
"I'm sure that you did," he told her.
"Mommy loves it when I pick up after myself," Annie told him skipping into the kitchen and stopping at the counter. "Chandler? Can you get me a cookie?"
"Trying to steal cookies Ann?" Monica asked stepping out into the room with them.
"Mommy, please just one?" Annie ran to her mother and pulled on her arm, a sure fire way to get what she wanted.
"Just one, or else you won't eat your lunch," Monica relented. Annie sat at the counter with her cookies and milk and Monica sat on the chair opposite where Chandler was sitting.
"She's great Mon," he told her.
"I know," Monica replied.
"Can we...I mean tomorrow...would it be okay for the three of us to go to the circus? It's in town. Are you busy?" He was nervous. Still. But now it was because he didn't want to lose either one of them. They had definitely had him around their little fingers. Both mother and daughter.
"That would be okay," she said against the voice fighting in her head. Don't let him in. You'll get hurt. He's not here to stay. You're going to get hurt. She didn't listen. She never did.
I don't know how to say goodbye to you
I'm not good at things that I don't want to do
should I pretend that I don't care
you don't feel what I feel is there
I don't know how to say goodbye
After they came home from the circus the next day, Monica set her bag down on the table and Chandler carried a sleeping Annie in his arms. Monica untied the balloon around Annie's small wrist and tied it to the kitchen stool. Chandler carried Annie into her bedroom and laid her on the bed, he stood back as Monica undressed her and got her into her pajamas. Annie woke up briefly and Monica told her to go back to sleep and she obliged. Monica tucked the blankets around her and kissed her forehead. She walked out of the room with Chandler following and flipped off the lights.
"So..." she said. "Want some coffee?"
"Sure," he smiled. "Decaf." She nodded and he sat in the living room as she got the coffee ready. She came out and handed him a glass. She sat on the chair beside the couch.
"Today was nice," she hated making small talk. Her and Chandler never used to have to make small talk. Conversations used to come naturally and easily with them.
"Yeah," he agreed. "It was."
"Annie seemed to have fun," Monica took a sip of the coffee.
"Mon?" He used Mon. She was in trouble. This was going to be a talk. She wasn't ready for a talk. She wasn't sure what she wanted, but she was almost positive it wasn't a talk.
"Yes?" She held onto the coffee cup as if it was her support system. As if she was drowning and it was her raft.
"What happens now?" It was the question that she didn't want to be asked. This was exactly why you didn't have talks.
"I don't know," she admitted.
"I don't want to lose Annie," he said. He left the part about not wanting to lose her unspoken. He had no idea how she felt. He had fallen hard again, but he could see that she was fighting. She didn't want to fall in love again too quickly. Chandler understood. She had more than just her to think about. She had Annie too.
"I know," she practically whispered it. It was now or never. It was time to fess up. Both wanted to, and now it just took one of them to have the courage and step up and just let themselves fall.
"Monica?" They had been leaning forward and they were inches away.
"Hmm?"
"Do you want to kiss me?" It was an obvious question and she began to giggle. She didn't know why, but once she had started, she couldn't stop and began to laugh harder. Chandler at first didn't see what was so funny and then replayed the words in his head and began laughing as well.
"I'm sorry," Monica said holding up her hand as the tears fell down her face. She was turning red from laughing. Chandler wiped the tears from his eyes as they both began to calm down.
"Should we try that again?" Chandler asked. Monica nodded and leaned in farther and farther until her lips met his. It became deeper and deeper and Monica began to forget where she was. That always happened when she kissed Chandler. It was as if everything else dropped out of sight and left just the two of them together.
"Monica?" Chandler's voice broke through her thoughts and brought her back to reality. She looked up. "Do you want to move this to your bedroom?" She nodded breathlessly. He picked her up in his arms and took her to the room next to Annie's and laid her in bed and began to undress her. She threw her arm to the side and fumbled before she found the lamp and flicked it off.
I don't know how to say goodbye to you
I'm not good at things that I don't want to do
should I pretend that I don't care
you don't feel what I feel is there
I don't know how to say goodbye
Monica woke up with strong arms wrapped tightly around her waist. It had been a long time since that had happened. She turned slightly to her left and saw Chandler. She remembered at once what had happened and sat up quickly causing Chandler to wake up.
"Monica? What's the matter?" She looked down at him.
"Annie will be up soon," Monica told him and got out of bed and threw on a robe and went into the kitchen. She made a pot of coffee. That's what she needed right then, just a nice cup of coffee to put things in perspective.
"Monica?" Chandler emerged wearing flannel pants and a t-shirt. "Are you okay?"
"I....I don't know," she admitted. She didn't know where to begin to tell him what was going on in her head. A million things were running around. The biggest thought, the biggest question was the one that she asked next. "What happens now?"
"I don't know," Chandler told her honestly sitting down. It was a valid question, it really was. He had no idea of what was going to happen between the two of them. They had lost so much time. It would be impossible to just pick up where they left off before Anthony came back. And there was Annie. She had just gotten her father, she couldn't lose him again. But Chandler was in love with Monica. He had always been and he would be forever. Regardless of what happened. The choice, he feared, was all hers. It would be her who decided whether this was going to work or not.
"Chandler," she said quietly. "I can't take losing you again."
"I know," he told her.
"But I still....I don't want to get hurt. I've been hurt enough times to know that I don't want that to happen again," she added.
"What are you saying Monica?"
"Maybe we should just be friends," she finally decided. "We can work out a visiting schedule for Annie and we can just be friends." He felt his heart break as the words came out of her pretty mouth. Just being friends was like a death sentence. But if that was what she wanted, then that would be what she got. She just wanted to be friends? That was her decision and he would honor it.
"Is that what you really want?" He asked.
"I think that's what I need," she replied.
"Then that's the way it will be," Chandler told her. He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and smiled at her. "I'll call you when I get to New York and we can figure out when the best time for Annie to come is." She nodded and turned away.
"Bye Chandler," she said softly.
"Goodbye Mon," he whispered. "I'm going to say goodbye to Annie and then I'll be gone." It was a plea. One more chance for her to tell him that she didn't want him to leave that she wanted him there with her. But she just nodded and let him walk out. After she had heard the front door close she collapsed into fits of sobs. That's how Rachel found her a half hour later when she came into the apartment.
"What's the matter honey?" Rachel asked hugging her best friend.
"I ruined everything!" Monica sobbed.
"No you didn't sweetie, I'm sure you didn't," Rachel told her.
"Yes, I did," Monica wailed. Rachel knew from experience that it was better just to let Monica calm down and then try to talk to her. It was no use, though, Monica had gotten it into her head that she just ruined the best thing that would happen to her, and Rachel didn't know what to say, because she thought that she might just have.
A kiss,
might insist that we play the game of lovers
and a touch, might give away too much
would my feelings be discovered
I don't know how to say goodbye to you
I'm not good at things that I don't want to do
should I pretend that I don't care
you don't feel what I feel is there
I don't know how to say goodbye
Back in New York, Chandler was not fairing well either. He had yelled at Ross for not telling him.
"She told me that it was Anthony's!" Ross had argued back. This just resulted in a phone call to Monica demanding what really was the truth. Monica had handed Ross the best way she knew how and after a talk, he had calmed down. Chandler missed her and Annie, and didn't have enough courage to call her up. That was his downfall. He knew what he wanted, but he never could go after it. And Monica, Monica didn't know what she wanted. She was sure that she didn't want to be with Chandler because she would end up hurt, but she didn't see that she was hurting herself more by not running to him. Rachel stayed out of it, because she knew Monica didn't want to hear what she thought. Everything seemed to be coming apart at the seams, and no one knew how to fix it. Once the gang had split, they had tried to piece their lives back together, but now the undeniable truth was slowly being revealed. There was no way to piece them back together. Not apart anyway. They needed to be together, and Monica was too stubborn and so was Chandler.
"Why don't you just get on a plane and go to her?" Joey demanded after Chandler's third straight week of moping.
"She wouldn't want me."
"How do you know that? Maybe she's as miserable as you!" Joey thought the thought of Monica being sad would snap Chandler out of his funk and get him on a plane to Seattle, but Chandler just ignored him. The phone rang and Joey answered it.
"Hi," a little girl's voice said. "Is Chandler there?"
"Sure, hold on," Joey told her. He guessed this was Annie. "Hey, it's Annie." For the first time in awhile, his roommate's eyes lit up and he snatched the phone from Joey's grasp.
"Hello?"
"Hi Chandler!"
"Hi Annie," Chandler smiled. A real smile, not the one that he plastered on his face when he wanted Joey or Ross or Phoebe to leave him alone. "What's the matter sweetheart?"
"Mommy's sad," Annie said. And Chandler knew it had to be bad. For her to show Annie that she was sad, that was enough to make him think that she was extremely upset. "All she does is cry."
"I'm sorry baby," he told her.
"Will you come back out here? She didn't cry until you left." Maybe that's what we needed, Chandler thought. We needed this push.
"I'll be there honey," Chandler told her.
"Promise?"
"Promise."
"I won't tell Mommy," Annie said. "We'll make it a surprise. For her to be happy."
"That sounds like a plan," Chandler said and finished the conversation and hung up the phone. He made a quick call to the airport to schedule his flight.
"What's going on?" Joey asked curiously.
"I have to go to Seattle." End of discussion. Joey knew better than to push for more details.
would you be scared
if I just stayed here
and let you know inside me
should I smile and walk away
so my eyes don't betray me
Chandler's flight landed and he immediately grabbed a cab to Monica's apartment. He raced up the stairs. He could feel his heart beating in his chest. He didn't know how she would respond. He was afraid she would get like she could get and tell him that she was fine on her own and that she didn't want him there. He reached up his hand and knocked. Rachel answered.
"Chandler?"
"Hi Rachel."
"What are you doing here?"
"I needed to talk to Monica."
"She's not home. It's just me and the kid."
"Where's Mon?"
"She had a date." He felt his heart fall through him and could feel it on the floor. She had a date. She was moving on. She was moving on without him. What he was feeling was the worst possible feeling in the world. "I'm sorry Chandler."
"For what?"
"She didn't want to go out with him. Todd and I forced her to. I'm sorry, I didn't know you were coming," she apologized again.
"Rachel, you didn't do anything. Monica didn't do anything. No one did anything. I just came to see Annie." This was a lie and they both knew it, but Rachel had the good sense not to mention it.
"Oh come in. Annie will be so happy to see you." Chandler stepped into the apartment. It smelled like her, it felt like her. Oh God, he couldn't handle this. He couldn't say goodbye to her. He would fight for her. He would make her see how good they were together. She had to see. Annie came running out and into his arms.
"I've decided," she announced. "That I will start calling you Daddy. It just fits you know?" Chandler laughed.
"Yeah it does." We fit, Mon. He wanted to tell her. You and I. We fit.
"Mommy's not home. She went out with Jim."
"I know."
"She'll be home soon. Want to come watch a movie?"
"Sure, honey." His mind was racing. He wouldn't give her up. He wouldn't give either of them up. He would make her see that they were good together. That Anthony and their past, that was buried in the past. Now they could be together. And they were going to be happy. Chandler rested his head against the couch and was content. He knew what he had to do. He hadn't known what to do in a long time, but he knew. Chandler would fix everything for her. And then she would see.
I don't know how to say goodbye to you
I'm not good at things that I don't want to do
should I pretend that I don't care
you don't feel what I feel is there
I don't know how to say goodbye
I don't know how to say goodbye
I don't know how to say goodbye
I don't know how to say goodbye
*~ I wanted to get this finished because I'm leaving for Virginia and will be gone for a week. But review please and tell me what you thought! Thanks!~*