hey hey hey--thanx for reading. Just so ya know-I don't have anything against Sarah, but its painfully easy to make fun of her. So there you are.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"David?"
David didnt answer as he read a book that night. ("How To Get Girls To Chase You ~Not Creepy Ace War Correspondents *or* Sleazy Refuge Wardens~ When You Sing and Dance, All While Selling Newspapers")(now available in a paperback edition)
"David? Where are you?" He just rolled his eyes and remained silent.
Doors could be heard opening and slamming and footsteps constantly.
"Les, have you seen David? Where could he be?" Sarah's voice could be heard again.
"Sarah, we live in a 4 room tenement building!' David stood up and yelled, "How hard could it possibly be to find me!?"
Sarah climbed in through the window from the fire escape, dirty and grimy, "More difficult than you'll *ever* know." She said dramatically.
Les made a few false coughs that sounded oddly like "Blonde!"
"Look David, I know that Olga didn't exactly turn out to be--"
"Normal? HUMAN!?" David cut her off.
"Date material." Sarah continued, "But I want to make it up to you."
David crossed his arms and gave her the infamous "Spot smirk". Or at least made a pitiful attempt.
"How?"
"Bysettingyouupwithsomeoneelse." Sarah said really fast, closing her eyes, hoping David wouldn't maim her.
"If you just said what I think you just said, the answer is no!" David headed for the door.
"But she's a SINGER!!" Sarah used it as bait.
David stopped. "Singer?" He turned and smiled dreamily, "David likes singers!"
Sarah grinned, "I know 'David' does. Go get ready. She'll be here in 1/2 an hour."
***
There was no knock at the door this time. A faint strumming on a guitar could be heard.
"OH! That must be Deanie!!!' Sarah leaped towards the door and opened it.
A girl, complete with love beads, long flowing skirts, granny glasses and feather earrings stepped inside. Her jet black hair reached her waist, the ends dyed a flaming red. (A/N-- yeah yeah I know there were no hippies back then. Deal)
"Uh...hi Deanie." David stood up, and offered his hand shyly. He wasn't used to *this* kind of girl..
"I prefer to be called 'Rainbow of Love and Understanding.' It helps me to feel one with nature." Deanie closed her eyes, clutching her heart.
David glared at Sarah, mouthing the words "You are dead."
"Give me your hand." She calmly turned to David, "I must see if your karma is in tune with mine." David slowly turned his palm upward. Deanie grasped his hand. She first sniffed it, then suddenly pressed it to her ear, eyes closed.
"A dia landa mada..." Deanie chanted nonsense words under her breath, then started getting louder and louder. "Hakuna matata! WHO PUT THE RAM IN THE RAM-A-LAM-A-DING-DONG!?!?!"
"Okay Deanie that's enough." Sarah said quickly, ripping David's hand from the girl's face.
"So, um, shall we go?" David gestured towards the door. *THIS* date was sure to be interesting...
***
"All you need is love, love. Love is all you need..."
David adjusted his red leather fringe vest. And glasses. Yes, Deanie, or 'Rainbow' for short, had roped him in to the full hippie regalia. Deanie and her friends gathered at this dark club to sing, meditate and discuss how to overthrow the mayor.
"Why do I have to wear these outlandish hippie clothes? My mama always says not to wear anything too outlandish unless you have the prozac to back it up." David whined.
"You must fit in. And dont call us hippies. We prefer....'disaffected youth.'" Rainbow sighed happily.
"Right...." David thought.
"We shall call you....'Earthworm Who Digs Deep For Truth and Strength'...Earthworm for short."
"Yesterday I was David Joshua Jacobs, newsboy. Today, I'm Earthworm Truth Strength, disaffected youth."
David said aloud.
Rainbow/Deanie smiled, "Isn't it great?"
***
"Earthworm, how do you feel on the matter?"
"I, uh...well..."
"Earthworm clearly feels that--" Another hippie spoke up, cutting David/Earthworm off.
"How can I clearly feel, hear, see or think anything with all this smoke?" David thought silently. The disaffected youth smoked cigarettes. A lot of them.
"What do you think, Earthworm?"
"Earthworm, are you listening?"
"Earthworm!!"
Hundred of voices seemed to surround David.
"NO!!!! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!! FOR THE LOVE OF RUBBER DUCKIES, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!" David ran for the door.
"Earthworm, get the hell back here!!" Deanie shouted, then turning back to the rest, "Sick 'em beatniks!!" And with a mighty roar, the whole disaffected youth stood up, guitars, cigarettes and all and chased David down the street in a chaotic rampage.
"AHHHHH! HELP! MOMMY! ANYONE! CAROLINE!" David randomly screamed the author's name while being chased by angry hippies through Manhattan. "JAAAAACK!"
"WHAT!?"
David stopped short. Jack had been in the middle of kissing Sarah, "What the heck do you want? I'm busy."
Out of breath, David panted, hiding behind Horace Greeley's statue. "Angry....hippies....ARE CHASING ME!!"
Sarah and Jack looked around then gave David an odd look.
"Oh God David! Did you smoke anything Deanie gave you!?" Sarah looked scared.
Her brother rolled his eyes, "Hell no. They were chasing me and calling me 'Earthworm."
Jack glanced warily between David and Sarah, then pulled out a quarter.
"Here Dave...go buy yourself a really strong drink." He gestured towards Tibby's
"Oh thanks." David said sarcastically, then headed for the restaurant.
***
"Hey Dave, sharp threads!!"
"Spiffy coat Davey!"
David rolled his eyes and continued towards a table, ignoring the catcalls.
He sat down, and after briefly looking at the menu, tossed it aside. Blink and Race took a seat beside him.
"So, Dave, I see you've been busy today...what exactly happened to ya?" Race asked.
David sighed, "Hippies happened to me."
"Ah," Race looked thoughtful for a moment, "Well, hippies happen."
"How did you manage to get chased by a mob of angry hippies?" Blink gave him a look with his one eye.
"I was on a blind date and it just didn't work out." David sighed again.
"Well, uh.....would you wanna go on another blind date?" Race set his cigar in the ashtray, then looked up at David.
"Another one?" David looked apprehensive.
"Yeah, because Blink and I know this girl--" (Blink gave Race a look as if to say "What are you talking about!?") "You know, Betsy. Remember Betsy, Blink?"
"Oh!" Blink snorted, "Betsy. Oh yeah...you'll love her." Blink tried to muffle a laugh. Race stepped on his foot. "OW!"
"Betsy's a real nice girl. She really fits the term 'blind date.' No personal quirks or anything strange about her personality. You'll get along just great!" Race stood up, "So, she'll be here at Tibby's tonight at 6 sitting at...." Race looked around, then pointed to the table smack dab in the middle of the restaurant. "That table. Well, have fun tonight. Blink and I will go tell Betsy all about you." And with that, Race and Blink raced for the door.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"David?"
David didnt answer as he read a book that night. ("How To Get Girls To Chase You ~Not Creepy Ace War Correspondents *or* Sleazy Refuge Wardens~ When You Sing and Dance, All While Selling Newspapers")(now available in a paperback edition)
"David? Where are you?" He just rolled his eyes and remained silent.
Doors could be heard opening and slamming and footsteps constantly.
"Les, have you seen David? Where could he be?" Sarah's voice could be heard again.
"Sarah, we live in a 4 room tenement building!' David stood up and yelled, "How hard could it possibly be to find me!?"
Sarah climbed in through the window from the fire escape, dirty and grimy, "More difficult than you'll *ever* know." She said dramatically.
Les made a few false coughs that sounded oddly like "Blonde!"
"Look David, I know that Olga didn't exactly turn out to be--"
"Normal? HUMAN!?" David cut her off.
"Date material." Sarah continued, "But I want to make it up to you."
David crossed his arms and gave her the infamous "Spot smirk". Or at least made a pitiful attempt.
"How?"
"Bysettingyouupwithsomeoneelse." Sarah said really fast, closing her eyes, hoping David wouldn't maim her.
"If you just said what I think you just said, the answer is no!" David headed for the door.
"But she's a SINGER!!" Sarah used it as bait.
David stopped. "Singer?" He turned and smiled dreamily, "David likes singers!"
Sarah grinned, "I know 'David' does. Go get ready. She'll be here in 1/2 an hour."
***
There was no knock at the door this time. A faint strumming on a guitar could be heard.
"OH! That must be Deanie!!!' Sarah leaped towards the door and opened it.
A girl, complete with love beads, long flowing skirts, granny glasses and feather earrings stepped inside. Her jet black hair reached her waist, the ends dyed a flaming red. (A/N-- yeah yeah I know there were no hippies back then. Deal)
"Uh...hi Deanie." David stood up, and offered his hand shyly. He wasn't used to *this* kind of girl..
"I prefer to be called 'Rainbow of Love and Understanding.' It helps me to feel one with nature." Deanie closed her eyes, clutching her heart.
David glared at Sarah, mouthing the words "You are dead."
"Give me your hand." She calmly turned to David, "I must see if your karma is in tune with mine." David slowly turned his palm upward. Deanie grasped his hand. She first sniffed it, then suddenly pressed it to her ear, eyes closed.
"A dia landa mada..." Deanie chanted nonsense words under her breath, then started getting louder and louder. "Hakuna matata! WHO PUT THE RAM IN THE RAM-A-LAM-A-DING-DONG!?!?!"
"Okay Deanie that's enough." Sarah said quickly, ripping David's hand from the girl's face.
"So, um, shall we go?" David gestured towards the door. *THIS* date was sure to be interesting...
***
"All you need is love, love. Love is all you need..."
David adjusted his red leather fringe vest. And glasses. Yes, Deanie, or 'Rainbow' for short, had roped him in to the full hippie regalia. Deanie and her friends gathered at this dark club to sing, meditate and discuss how to overthrow the mayor.
"Why do I have to wear these outlandish hippie clothes? My mama always says not to wear anything too outlandish unless you have the prozac to back it up." David whined.
"You must fit in. And dont call us hippies. We prefer....'disaffected youth.'" Rainbow sighed happily.
"Right...." David thought.
"We shall call you....'Earthworm Who Digs Deep For Truth and Strength'...Earthworm for short."
"Yesterday I was David Joshua Jacobs, newsboy. Today, I'm Earthworm Truth Strength, disaffected youth."
David said aloud.
Rainbow/Deanie smiled, "Isn't it great?"
***
"Earthworm, how do you feel on the matter?"
"I, uh...well..."
"Earthworm clearly feels that--" Another hippie spoke up, cutting David/Earthworm off.
"How can I clearly feel, hear, see or think anything with all this smoke?" David thought silently. The disaffected youth smoked cigarettes. A lot of them.
"What do you think, Earthworm?"
"Earthworm, are you listening?"
"Earthworm!!"
Hundred of voices seemed to surround David.
"NO!!!! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!! FOR THE LOVE OF RUBBER DUCKIES, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!" David ran for the door.
"Earthworm, get the hell back here!!" Deanie shouted, then turning back to the rest, "Sick 'em beatniks!!" And with a mighty roar, the whole disaffected youth stood up, guitars, cigarettes and all and chased David down the street in a chaotic rampage.
"AHHHHH! HELP! MOMMY! ANYONE! CAROLINE!" David randomly screamed the author's name while being chased by angry hippies through Manhattan. "JAAAAACK!"
"WHAT!?"
David stopped short. Jack had been in the middle of kissing Sarah, "What the heck do you want? I'm busy."
Out of breath, David panted, hiding behind Horace Greeley's statue. "Angry....hippies....ARE CHASING ME!!"
Sarah and Jack looked around then gave David an odd look.
"Oh God David! Did you smoke anything Deanie gave you!?" Sarah looked scared.
Her brother rolled his eyes, "Hell no. They were chasing me and calling me 'Earthworm."
Jack glanced warily between David and Sarah, then pulled out a quarter.
"Here Dave...go buy yourself a really strong drink." He gestured towards Tibby's
"Oh thanks." David said sarcastically, then headed for the restaurant.
***
"Hey Dave, sharp threads!!"
"Spiffy coat Davey!"
David rolled his eyes and continued towards a table, ignoring the catcalls.
He sat down, and after briefly looking at the menu, tossed it aside. Blink and Race took a seat beside him.
"So, Dave, I see you've been busy today...what exactly happened to ya?" Race asked.
David sighed, "Hippies happened to me."
"Ah," Race looked thoughtful for a moment, "Well, hippies happen."
"How did you manage to get chased by a mob of angry hippies?" Blink gave him a look with his one eye.
"I was on a blind date and it just didn't work out." David sighed again.
"Well, uh.....would you wanna go on another blind date?" Race set his cigar in the ashtray, then looked up at David.
"Another one?" David looked apprehensive.
"Yeah, because Blink and I know this girl--" (Blink gave Race a look as if to say "What are you talking about!?") "You know, Betsy. Remember Betsy, Blink?"
"Oh!" Blink snorted, "Betsy. Oh yeah...you'll love her." Blink tried to muffle a laugh. Race stepped on his foot. "OW!"
"Betsy's a real nice girl. She really fits the term 'blind date.' No personal quirks or anything strange about her personality. You'll get along just great!" Race stood up, "So, she'll be here at Tibby's tonight at 6 sitting at...." Race looked around, then pointed to the table smack dab in the middle of the restaurant. "That table. Well, have fun tonight. Blink and I will go tell Betsy all about you." And with that, Race and Blink raced for the door.