Hey everyone! Enjoy this chapter. Will Dave finally meet that special girl? Will he FINALLY meet the girl of his dreams?!
...yeah right...
~*~Caroline~*~
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David made a beeline straight for his apartment. He could hear people chasing after him, calling his name.
"David, come back!" (Sarah)
"Dave, what the hell?" (Jack)
"I'll SOAK YA....AND THEN GIVE YA SOAP!" (Spot)
nothing (Bumlets)
"C'mon back now, sexy thang!" (Denton and Medda)
"NO! NO!" He yelled as he dashed through the Manhattan streets, "FOR THE LOVE OF..." David suddenly realized he had run out of funky phrases. He stopped, pausing to think, "For the love of...all that is lime green? No, ummmm..."
He then realized that his pursuers were catching up. A cow randomly crossed the street. David shrugged, then started running again.
"FOR THE LOVE OF MOO-COWS, LET ME BE!!"
David finally came to his tenement building. Frantically, he flung open the door, running up to the top floor.
"YOU CAN'T TAKE ME ALIIIIIIIVE!" He screeched, jamming his key into the lock of the apartment. It took him a little while to realize he didn't actually have a key.
Desperately, David started hurling his body against the door over and over, in a pitiful attempt to break it down.
"Oh Mommy!" (shove) "Where are you?" (shove) "I NEED HELP!!" (shove, shove, shove)
David could see his chasers, who had now acquired pitch-forks, torches, and angry-peasant expressions, at the bottom of the stairs. Only three staircases seperated David from dooooooooooom.
"There he is!! Get him!" Sarah shouted, rallying the troops of newsies. "Sally forth!" She screamed like some twisted army commando. With a great roar, they charged forward. They raced up the stairs and even climbed on the bannisters.
"EEE!" David squealed and moved back, getting ready to ram his head into the door. He ran, eyes closed, anticipating the pain of his head connecting with a door.
But the pain didnt come.
Not right away anyway.
Les opened the door, and David ran right through-
into the wall.
"Shut the door!! For the love of history books, shut the damn door!" David screeched as he rubbed his head, which was now throbbing.
Les shut the door. Good boy Les....
"I'm guessin' the date didn't turn out too well...Hungry?" Les threw David an apple.
"You would be correct." David sighed, then looked down at the apple, "Why did you throw me an apple? It's not going to help me!" David threw the apple at Les. It hit him in the head.
"OW! What was that for?" Les threw a banana at him.
"The fact that you're so STUPID!!" Pears appeared out of nowhere--David chucked them at his brother.
"FRUIT (throws pear) DOESN'T (mango) SOLVE (kiwi) ANYTHING!!!" (peaches plums and a shower of cherries)
"What did you say!?" Les looked apalled.
"FRUIT DOESN'T SOLVE ANYTHING!!!!" David yelled again.
This is when Les picked up a pineapple and launched it straight for David's face.
David lay on the floor, thinking, "Wow. That kid's got a ton of rotten fruit and poifect aim..."
Then he blacked out.
***HOURS AND HOURS LATER***
"David? David, don't die! Oh my God, Ma will *KILL* me if he dies." Sarah shrieked, as she leaned over David's body, along with everybody else.
Les smiled evilly, "With David dead and Ma killing Sarah...That would make me an only child..." He rubbed his hands together in evil glee.
"Oh no oh no oh no!!!" Sarah shook her brother violently, "David! Carry the banner!! Don't check out!! Seize the day!! Don't bite the big one!! Be the King of New York!! DON'T GO TO THE CIRCULATION OFFICE IN THE SKY!!"
"Will you *SHUT UP* already?" David pushed his sister away, gingerly touching the pineapple bruise on his head. Pain. It came sooner or later. He sat up, to find a large group of newsies and other friends in his home.
"Hey baby, you okay?" Denton knelt beside David, taking his hand.
"Get the hell away from my man, Denty." Medda took a menacing step towards them.
Denton dropped David's hand and stood up to face Medda.
"Catfight!" Racetrack yelled and immidietely started taking bets on the fight.
"Look at you bitch, what's with all the pink?" Denton pushed Medda's shoulder.
"I have style, which you obviously don't." Medda shoved right back.
"'U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi. YOU ugly!! Yeah yeah, YOU UGLY!" Denton did a funky dance he thought looked sort of cool. He was wrong, though.
"Bitch!" Medda ripped off Denton's hat and threw it out the window. She then stuck out her tongue with her hands on her hips.
"Oh yeah?" Denton ran over and messed up her hair, sending all those little curly bangs askew. He also ripped the hot pink lace off her shoulders. "So there!"
Medda threw a bitch slap that sent Denton back over the sofa and onto the floor.
--applause--
Denton, holding his cheek, slowly got up from the floor. "You know what Medda? At least I'm not 'white trash' like you....White Trash!!!! HMMPH!" With that he stormed out.
David shook his head, "Unbelievable," He muttered. Then he passed out again.
***THE NEXT MORNING***
David sat on the sofa, reading yesterday's newspaper. It was a very nice day, the breeze was warm and the sun filtered into the apartment in golden streaks. The house was nice and quite too, as Les and Sarah had gone out to try and sell the fruit that had appeared in the apartment last night.
Suddenly, the cell phone beside David rang. He didn't know how it got there, or even what it was, but he answered it just the same.
"Uh, hello?"
--low creepy breathing--
"This is David who's calling please?"
--more breathing--
"For the love of Stephen Sondheim, who *IS* this?"
"........I know what you did last summer....." A low eerie voice whispered.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" David screamed.
".......You went on strike....."
"I did! I know! I indirectly was responsible for the whole damn thing! And I--who is this?"
"I'm watching you...." --creepy low breathing--
David looked around his apartment, genuinely terrified. Somewhere in this house, the owner of the creepy voice lurked. He held his breath, suspecting doom at any moment. Then he saw a glimpse of pink suspenders through the window.
David exhaled a sigh of relief, "Spot, I can see you on the fire escape."
"Damn..." Spot's normal voice muttered. The pink suspenders disappeared.
"And I know what you did last night..." --freaky voice is back--
David rolled his eyes, "Yeah, I judged a kareoke night, was chased by angry newsies, punched out with a pineapple, was fought over and passed out. I had a grrrreat night." He said with much sarcasm.
"How would you like to go on.....*another* date?"
David rolled his eyes again and turned the phone off, waiting expectantly for Spot to come in. A few minutes passed. Exasperated, David turned on his phone, dialing the last number in the call log.
"Spot, you're right outside the window, just come inside already!!"
--silence--
"Dude, this is getting old..."
"Ease up Dave. Prank call people. Have a little fun. Geez." Spot came through the window, still talking into his cell phone and shaking his head. He sat beside David.
"What do you-" David realized what he was doing, and turned off the phone, handing it back to Spot. "What do you want?"
"Date this chick Natalie for me?" Spot asked, earnestly.
"Date her...*for* you? What!?" David exclaimed.
"Hey, its not my fault all of Brooklyn, New York City and, hell, even the world can't get enough of me.." Spot shrugged. "Goils can't keep their hands off me. Ever read fanfiction?" David shook his head. "Damn, I get all the action..." Spot smiled to himself. David still didnt know where he was going with this. He was clueless.
But hey, what else is new?
"So anyways ::ahem:: back to the point. I met this girl, Natalie. Just go out and entertain her for a little while." Spot asked. "Do it or I'll soak ya." He added menacingly.
"Okay! I'll do it!" David jumped up and grabbed his coat, running for the door.
"WAIT!" Spot jumped up and held out an envelope. "Meet her at Tibby's. Oh, and give her this letter. It tells her she's been waitlisted for dating me. If a spot opens up, she's in. But encourage her to re-apply next year." Spot grinned at David's confused face. "Hey, if I don't gots a system, how am I only gonna date the right chicks?"
David grabbed the letter and ran down the stairs. Spot made himself comfortable on the sofa, devilishly eyeing the cell phones and thinking of all the pranks he could play.
"SPOT! You get out of my house!" David called from the bottom of the stairs.
Spot's face fell. Damn. For someone lacking so much common sense, David had a *great* 6th sense...
***
"Excuse me, I'm looking for a... Natalie Witherbumbly?" David asked Tibby.
"Oh! Yah! Da lady eatin' my sauerkraut!" Tibby jiggled in excitement. He showed David over to a corner booth, where a pretty girl sat alone.
...eating sauerkraut.
"Hi, I'm David." David took his hat off, shortly nodding to the girl. She had silky brown hair with red highlights that was curled neatly upon her head. Her skin was olive, setting off her amond shaped green eyes. Natalie smiled sweetly, showing 2 rows of straight white teeth.
David held his breath. *THIS* girl had been put on Spot's waiting list?
"Whoa....The girls who actually get accepted into Spot's little black book most be godesses..if this one's only on the waiting list..."
She stood up. "How nice to meet you David." Natalie said melodically, holding out a hand. David considered kissing it, but after a few awkward moments, shoved the letter in her hand.
"Here, this is from Spot."
Natalie sat down, opening and reading the letter. She looked pained all of a sudden.
"Hey, it's okay. A ton of girls don't get in." David remembered what Spot told him, "You should re-apply next year." He added quickly.
Natalie shook her head. "No its not that. He wrote this on paper." Natalie laughed, "He should have known that I have paperaphobia.." She tore the letter to bits and threw it out the window.
David cocked his head. Paper-a-phobia? Fear or...paper? Riiiiiiight......
"Would you like to order, Sir?" Wally the dancing waiter waltzed up to them.
"Uh sure, I'll have meatloaf." David ordered.
"Oh!" Natalie scanned the menu, "I"ll have the meatloaf also."
Wally wrote it down on his pad and started to walk away.
"Oh-Wally the Dancing Waiter?" Natalie called, "Yoohoo! Please make my meatloaf without meat?" Wally looked at Natalie, then at David. "What's with your chick?" Wally muttered. David only shrugged.
Natalie looked back at David's confused face and smiled, "I'm a vegetarian!"
"Um, ordering MEATloaf probably wasn't such a great idea then, Miss Natalie."
"Oh, please, call me Supergirl!" She said cheerfully.
David gave her a blank look, "Uh...okay?" Whoa, this girl is freeeeeaky....
The date continued on, mostly in silence. Meatloaf came and Natalie ate only the garnish and salt, as the MEATloaf was made of....well, MEAT.
Wally danced over with the check. "Here you go, David. Oh--" Wally whispered the next part to David "No charge for the sauerkraut. On the house." He winked and danced away.
The check was for 3.20. David reached into his pockets.
"Oh no, allow me!" Natalie scrounged around in her purse, then, with a big smile, put a huge handful of wooden buttons on the table. Then another handful. Then another. And another. And another. David couldn't figure out where all the buttons were coming from.
"And!" Natalie, shoving both hands into her purse, struggled for a moment, before pulling out a large tortoise. "Slowpoke the tortoise will be Wally's tip." She nodded, petting the tortoise.
"Natalie, where in the hell are you from?" David stood up, wanting to get away from that....SCARY tortoise.
"OH MY GOD! THERE'S SPIDERS ALL OVER YOU!!!!!!" Natalie shrieked.
"WHAT!? Where!?" David jumped around, brushing his clothing wildly.
"Oh silly boy...*you* can't see them." David turned sharply. Natalie had a distant evil look in her eye, "Only *I* can see them..."
"For the love of tunafish, where are you from?" David asked again. Natalie snapped out of her daze.
"I was just released from Flickglod's Academy for Uncurably Insane and Detrimental Mutant Barbarians And Also Deaf, Blind and Mute Teenage Girls." Natalie smiled sweetly.
"Oh, so you know Betsy?" David asked politely, sitting down again.
"Yeah we used to share a room." Natalie picked up a large knife from the silverware, "But then the warden decided I got too dangerous..." Natalie smiled seductively, leaning so their faces were about an inch apart.
"uhhhh..." David was successfully being seduced. He could not believe how beautiful she was.
"Do *you* think I'm dangerous...? Hmm?" Natalie whispered softly. She held up the knife, its blade gleaming in the sunlight.
David, however, COULD believe she was insane and dangerous.
That's why he ran out of Tibby's like it was on fire.
Natalie watched him go, then shrugged. She turned away.
"Do *YOU* think I'm dangerous, Mr Slowpoke?"
...yeah right...
~*~Caroline~*~
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David made a beeline straight for his apartment. He could hear people chasing after him, calling his name.
"David, come back!" (Sarah)
"Dave, what the hell?" (Jack)
"I'll SOAK YA....AND THEN GIVE YA SOAP!" (Spot)
nothing (Bumlets)
"C'mon back now, sexy thang!" (Denton and Medda)
"NO! NO!" He yelled as he dashed through the Manhattan streets, "FOR THE LOVE OF..." David suddenly realized he had run out of funky phrases. He stopped, pausing to think, "For the love of...all that is lime green? No, ummmm..."
He then realized that his pursuers were catching up. A cow randomly crossed the street. David shrugged, then started running again.
"FOR THE LOVE OF MOO-COWS, LET ME BE!!"
David finally came to his tenement building. Frantically, he flung open the door, running up to the top floor.
"YOU CAN'T TAKE ME ALIIIIIIIVE!" He screeched, jamming his key into the lock of the apartment. It took him a little while to realize he didn't actually have a key.
Desperately, David started hurling his body against the door over and over, in a pitiful attempt to break it down.
"Oh Mommy!" (shove) "Where are you?" (shove) "I NEED HELP!!" (shove, shove, shove)
David could see his chasers, who had now acquired pitch-forks, torches, and angry-peasant expressions, at the bottom of the stairs. Only three staircases seperated David from dooooooooooom.
"There he is!! Get him!" Sarah shouted, rallying the troops of newsies. "Sally forth!" She screamed like some twisted army commando. With a great roar, they charged forward. They raced up the stairs and even climbed on the bannisters.
"EEE!" David squealed and moved back, getting ready to ram his head into the door. He ran, eyes closed, anticipating the pain of his head connecting with a door.
But the pain didnt come.
Not right away anyway.
Les opened the door, and David ran right through-
into the wall.
"Shut the door!! For the love of history books, shut the damn door!" David screeched as he rubbed his head, which was now throbbing.
Les shut the door. Good boy Les....
"I'm guessin' the date didn't turn out too well...Hungry?" Les threw David an apple.
"You would be correct." David sighed, then looked down at the apple, "Why did you throw me an apple? It's not going to help me!" David threw the apple at Les. It hit him in the head.
"OW! What was that for?" Les threw a banana at him.
"The fact that you're so STUPID!!" Pears appeared out of nowhere--David chucked them at his brother.
"FRUIT (throws pear) DOESN'T (mango) SOLVE (kiwi) ANYTHING!!!" (peaches plums and a shower of cherries)
"What did you say!?" Les looked apalled.
"FRUIT DOESN'T SOLVE ANYTHING!!!!" David yelled again.
This is when Les picked up a pineapple and launched it straight for David's face.
David lay on the floor, thinking, "Wow. That kid's got a ton of rotten fruit and poifect aim..."
Then he blacked out.
***HOURS AND HOURS LATER***
"David? David, don't die! Oh my God, Ma will *KILL* me if he dies." Sarah shrieked, as she leaned over David's body, along with everybody else.
Les smiled evilly, "With David dead and Ma killing Sarah...That would make me an only child..." He rubbed his hands together in evil glee.
"Oh no oh no oh no!!!" Sarah shook her brother violently, "David! Carry the banner!! Don't check out!! Seize the day!! Don't bite the big one!! Be the King of New York!! DON'T GO TO THE CIRCULATION OFFICE IN THE SKY!!"
"Will you *SHUT UP* already?" David pushed his sister away, gingerly touching the pineapple bruise on his head. Pain. It came sooner or later. He sat up, to find a large group of newsies and other friends in his home.
"Hey baby, you okay?" Denton knelt beside David, taking his hand.
"Get the hell away from my man, Denty." Medda took a menacing step towards them.
Denton dropped David's hand and stood up to face Medda.
"Catfight!" Racetrack yelled and immidietely started taking bets on the fight.
"Look at you bitch, what's with all the pink?" Denton pushed Medda's shoulder.
"I have style, which you obviously don't." Medda shoved right back.
"'U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi. YOU ugly!! Yeah yeah, YOU UGLY!" Denton did a funky dance he thought looked sort of cool. He was wrong, though.
"Bitch!" Medda ripped off Denton's hat and threw it out the window. She then stuck out her tongue with her hands on her hips.
"Oh yeah?" Denton ran over and messed up her hair, sending all those little curly bangs askew. He also ripped the hot pink lace off her shoulders. "So there!"
Medda threw a bitch slap that sent Denton back over the sofa and onto the floor.
--applause--
Denton, holding his cheek, slowly got up from the floor. "You know what Medda? At least I'm not 'white trash' like you....White Trash!!!! HMMPH!" With that he stormed out.
David shook his head, "Unbelievable," He muttered. Then he passed out again.
***THE NEXT MORNING***
David sat on the sofa, reading yesterday's newspaper. It was a very nice day, the breeze was warm and the sun filtered into the apartment in golden streaks. The house was nice and quite too, as Les and Sarah had gone out to try and sell the fruit that had appeared in the apartment last night.
Suddenly, the cell phone beside David rang. He didn't know how it got there, or even what it was, but he answered it just the same.
"Uh, hello?"
--low creepy breathing--
"This is David who's calling please?"
--more breathing--
"For the love of Stephen Sondheim, who *IS* this?"
"........I know what you did last summer....." A low eerie voice whispered.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" David screamed.
".......You went on strike....."
"I did! I know! I indirectly was responsible for the whole damn thing! And I--who is this?"
"I'm watching you...." --creepy low breathing--
David looked around his apartment, genuinely terrified. Somewhere in this house, the owner of the creepy voice lurked. He held his breath, suspecting doom at any moment. Then he saw a glimpse of pink suspenders through the window.
David exhaled a sigh of relief, "Spot, I can see you on the fire escape."
"Damn..." Spot's normal voice muttered. The pink suspenders disappeared.
"And I know what you did last night..." --freaky voice is back--
David rolled his eyes, "Yeah, I judged a kareoke night, was chased by angry newsies, punched out with a pineapple, was fought over and passed out. I had a grrrreat night." He said with much sarcasm.
"How would you like to go on.....*another* date?"
David rolled his eyes again and turned the phone off, waiting expectantly for Spot to come in. A few minutes passed. Exasperated, David turned on his phone, dialing the last number in the call log.
"Spot, you're right outside the window, just come inside already!!"
--silence--
"Dude, this is getting old..."
"Ease up Dave. Prank call people. Have a little fun. Geez." Spot came through the window, still talking into his cell phone and shaking his head. He sat beside David.
"What do you-" David realized what he was doing, and turned off the phone, handing it back to Spot. "What do you want?"
"Date this chick Natalie for me?" Spot asked, earnestly.
"Date her...*for* you? What!?" David exclaimed.
"Hey, its not my fault all of Brooklyn, New York City and, hell, even the world can't get enough of me.." Spot shrugged. "Goils can't keep their hands off me. Ever read fanfiction?" David shook his head. "Damn, I get all the action..." Spot smiled to himself. David still didnt know where he was going with this. He was clueless.
But hey, what else is new?
"So anyways ::ahem:: back to the point. I met this girl, Natalie. Just go out and entertain her for a little while." Spot asked. "Do it or I'll soak ya." He added menacingly.
"Okay! I'll do it!" David jumped up and grabbed his coat, running for the door.
"WAIT!" Spot jumped up and held out an envelope. "Meet her at Tibby's. Oh, and give her this letter. It tells her she's been waitlisted for dating me. If a spot opens up, she's in. But encourage her to re-apply next year." Spot grinned at David's confused face. "Hey, if I don't gots a system, how am I only gonna date the right chicks?"
David grabbed the letter and ran down the stairs. Spot made himself comfortable on the sofa, devilishly eyeing the cell phones and thinking of all the pranks he could play.
"SPOT! You get out of my house!" David called from the bottom of the stairs.
Spot's face fell. Damn. For someone lacking so much common sense, David had a *great* 6th sense...
***
"Excuse me, I'm looking for a... Natalie Witherbumbly?" David asked Tibby.
"Oh! Yah! Da lady eatin' my sauerkraut!" Tibby jiggled in excitement. He showed David over to a corner booth, where a pretty girl sat alone.
...eating sauerkraut.
"Hi, I'm David." David took his hat off, shortly nodding to the girl. She had silky brown hair with red highlights that was curled neatly upon her head. Her skin was olive, setting off her amond shaped green eyes. Natalie smiled sweetly, showing 2 rows of straight white teeth.
David held his breath. *THIS* girl had been put on Spot's waiting list?
"Whoa....The girls who actually get accepted into Spot's little black book most be godesses..if this one's only on the waiting list..."
She stood up. "How nice to meet you David." Natalie said melodically, holding out a hand. David considered kissing it, but after a few awkward moments, shoved the letter in her hand.
"Here, this is from Spot."
Natalie sat down, opening and reading the letter. She looked pained all of a sudden.
"Hey, it's okay. A ton of girls don't get in." David remembered what Spot told him, "You should re-apply next year." He added quickly.
Natalie shook her head. "No its not that. He wrote this on paper." Natalie laughed, "He should have known that I have paperaphobia.." She tore the letter to bits and threw it out the window.
David cocked his head. Paper-a-phobia? Fear or...paper? Riiiiiiight......
"Would you like to order, Sir?" Wally the dancing waiter waltzed up to them.
"Uh sure, I'll have meatloaf." David ordered.
"Oh!" Natalie scanned the menu, "I"ll have the meatloaf also."
Wally wrote it down on his pad and started to walk away.
"Oh-Wally the Dancing Waiter?" Natalie called, "Yoohoo! Please make my meatloaf without meat?" Wally looked at Natalie, then at David. "What's with your chick?" Wally muttered. David only shrugged.
Natalie looked back at David's confused face and smiled, "I'm a vegetarian!"
"Um, ordering MEATloaf probably wasn't such a great idea then, Miss Natalie."
"Oh, please, call me Supergirl!" She said cheerfully.
David gave her a blank look, "Uh...okay?" Whoa, this girl is freeeeeaky....
The date continued on, mostly in silence. Meatloaf came and Natalie ate only the garnish and salt, as the MEATloaf was made of....well, MEAT.
Wally danced over with the check. "Here you go, David. Oh--" Wally whispered the next part to David "No charge for the sauerkraut. On the house." He winked and danced away.
The check was for 3.20. David reached into his pockets.
"Oh no, allow me!" Natalie scrounged around in her purse, then, with a big smile, put a huge handful of wooden buttons on the table. Then another handful. Then another. And another. And another. David couldn't figure out where all the buttons were coming from.
"And!" Natalie, shoving both hands into her purse, struggled for a moment, before pulling out a large tortoise. "Slowpoke the tortoise will be Wally's tip." She nodded, petting the tortoise.
"Natalie, where in the hell are you from?" David stood up, wanting to get away from that....SCARY tortoise.
"OH MY GOD! THERE'S SPIDERS ALL OVER YOU!!!!!!" Natalie shrieked.
"WHAT!? Where!?" David jumped around, brushing his clothing wildly.
"Oh silly boy...*you* can't see them." David turned sharply. Natalie had a distant evil look in her eye, "Only *I* can see them..."
"For the love of tunafish, where are you from?" David asked again. Natalie snapped out of her daze.
"I was just released from Flickglod's Academy for Uncurably Insane and Detrimental Mutant Barbarians And Also Deaf, Blind and Mute Teenage Girls." Natalie smiled sweetly.
"Oh, so you know Betsy?" David asked politely, sitting down again.
"Yeah we used to share a room." Natalie picked up a large knife from the silverware, "But then the warden decided I got too dangerous..." Natalie smiled seductively, leaning so their faces were about an inch apart.
"uhhhh..." David was successfully being seduced. He could not believe how beautiful she was.
"Do *you* think I'm dangerous...? Hmm?" Natalie whispered softly. She held up the knife, its blade gleaming in the sunlight.
David, however, COULD believe she was insane and dangerous.
That's why he ran out of Tibby's like it was on fire.
Natalie watched him go, then shrugged. She turned away.
"Do *YOU* think I'm dangerous, Mr Slowpoke?"