Proximity: In Dreams
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Before we get to this, the fourth part of the 'thing' I've got going here, I just have to thank everyone who has come back with such positive feedback! That felt great, and I can't wait to keep writing. Please let me know what is thought of this part…–Kansas
***
Her eyes were closed and her mouth tasted like sweet chocolate as she allowed me to explore it with my own. Her lips were slick and soft, and I could hardly control the pace of my kisses as they involuntarily deepened.
I slid my fingers through CJ's hair, pulling her closer to me, and dipped my head lower, suddenly unable to resist her neck. She smelled amazing and her body was so responsive as I slowly managed to undo her control with my lips.
CJ was moaning softly and I could feel her mouth brush against my ear as my tongue sought her breast. The shivers she sent down my spine were electric, and then with a sudden dissipation, she was gone from my arms.
"Carol. Wake up…" I heard her voice calling from a distance, and as the fog cleared it grew louder. "Come on, Carol..." CJ was shaking my shoulders gently, and I felt her weight next to me on the couch.
Oh God, I panicked as I opened my eyes. My heart was beating rapidly and I realized that I'd fallen asleep on the couch in her office; there was light sheen of sweat behind my neck and on my forehead, the kind that dreaming about CJ usually brought on.
"You're hot…do you feel okay?" CJ asked, bringing the back of her hand to my forehead. She brushed the hair out of my eyes, and with the distinct warmth in my stomach, I had a terrible, strong urge to pull her towards my body.
Instead, I sat up and shook my head slowly. I couldn't just explain that I'd been having The Dream about her, and so I mumbled into my hands. "I'm fine…"
"Let me get you some water," CJ said, getting up from the couch. While she was gone, I managed to collect myself enough to see that the gray March sky was now very dark. It must have been near eleven, since I'd come in here to sit down after CJ's final press conference. That had been around ten, and it was surprising that CJ had let me sleep so long.
"Here…" CJ held out an icy bottle of Aquafina and resumed her position on the couch. "Do you want me to get the thermometer or something? I mean, you're really the one who would know, but…"
I shook my head quickly as I sipped at the water. "No, no, I'm really okay…" I said in the strongest voice I could muster. Wow, it had seemed so real…felt so good…God, if dreaming about her was so hot reality must be…I bit my tongue, hoping to draw blood. This was the most unprofessional thing I'd ever done.
"As long as you're sure," CJ said, resting her elbows on her knees as she leaned forward. She looked up into the dark, silent office for a minute and then stood up. "I'm outta here. You are too."
I nodded, taciturn, and followed her out of the office. By the time I had collected all of my things from the desk, CJ was locking up her office door. I stopped and turned away from the hall, pretending to be engrossed in turning off my computer. She called goodnight as she rushed away, her perfume lingering briefly. Unable to respond I waited until I heard the final click of her heels exit into the lobby before I turned out the light on my desk.
***
CJ had made eating lunch with me routine and today as I arrived in the bullpen with sandwiches from the mess she was leaning against the doorframe. CJ held the receiver out to me and took the boxes, smiling as I eyed the phone with suspicion.
"You've got a long distance call from Nashua," CJ grinned as I rolled my eyes, both knowing it was only one person.
"Hi Mom," I sighed into the phone, watching CJ as she entered the office. I traced the lines of her back with my eyes, waiting for my mother to begin the customary round robin.
"Carol. I haven't heard from you in such a long time…I figured I'd call you where I knew you'd be," she explained, the sharp sigh evident in her voice.
"Are you at the hospital?" I asked, looking at my watch. We had taken a late lunch today, so my mother was probably back on duty. Typically, she wanted to limit our conversation.
"Yes, I can't talk long. Everyone here misses you…How are you, Carol?"
"I'm great, Mom…" I forced out a cheerful tone as I kept my eyes on the coffee table where CJ had set our sandwiches.
"How's the job?" She asked, making no attempt to hide the contemptuous attitude.
"Work is busy…but great…"
"Your boss seems nice," she allowed, knowing it was ridiculous not to be proud of this daughter, with this job.
"You've talked to CJ, before Mom…" I reminded her, just as CJ was exiting the office. She smiled at the mention of her name and mouthed the word 'soda' as she went down the hall.
"Well, Carol, are you seeing anyone?"
It was the question she always tended to sneak into our strained, formal diatribes; she would never stop asking it until I was married with four children. I sighed, knowing I how badly I would be leaving her disappointed.
"Sorry, Mom…Not right now," I chirped before the instant satisfaction in having displeased her could build to a guilty point.
"Well, anyone around with potential?" My mother hoped, searching for what she craved in me.
CJ returned then, holding up with triumph two cans of grape soda. I stifled a laugh and gave her the thumbs up before responding, "Yeah, Mom. There's someone I really want."
"Good!" she exclaimed. "You work on it, baby. I've got to get back, but call me soon."
If only my mother knew what she were endorsing. How ironic, I thought with contempt. "I love you…" I put cautiously forth, waiting to hear it reciprocated, but rewarded only with a click of the line.
Smirking with the typicality of my mother, I hung up and spun around to join CJ. She looked up, raising her eyebrows.
"Your mom sounds cool," she attempted, ringing only with sarcasm and an entertained smile. "And just to warn you, this soda is disgustingly sweet."
I plopped down on the couch and grabbed my own bright purple can and snorted loudly. "Yeah, she's about as cool as they come. God, the only thing she wants is for me to come back to Nashua and work in that damn hospital."
CJ leaned back and looked at me. "Well, I'm sure that she never expected you to be working in the White House."
I frowned, cracking open my can. "Hmm, RN or Senior Assistant to the White House Press Secretary…Which title would you rather have?" I asked, my tone indicating I had no doubts.
CJ shifted her body so that she was facing me. "Well Carol, technically you have both," she reminded me, her voice genuine. "Why did you go to school for nursing if you didn't really want it?"
I too turned my body, reveling in the fact that we were having a conversation unrelated to work. "Because my mother is a nurse and her mother was, too. I had no ideas of my own."
CJ smiled at me before taking a swig from her can. "I think you did, or you wouldn't have joined the campaign."
CJ was right; I nodded slowly, considering that choice. "She hated that I wanted to work for the Governor…The President, I mean. I remember the day I left for Manchester—she swore she'd never vote for Bartlet. I guess I like pissing off my mother…"
CJ looked at me quietly, and as I shifted my eyes downward, I wondered if I was telling her things she didn't care about hearing. When she spoke again, it was soft.
"She doesn't know that you're gay though, does she?"
My heart stopped, surprised that CJ had brought up the yet-untouched subject. "No, actually, she doesn't."
"Well, you don't really like to piss her off then, or you'd tell her just for spite…" CJ mused, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear and flashing her bright eyes at me; she'd made a valid point.
I chuckled, shaking my head. "Yes, but she wouldn't understand the real me. I don't want the thing most important to me to be cut down by my mother."
"My mother never understood the real me, either…" CJ said, staring past me for a moment. "So!" she perked up, "Who's this someone that you really want?"
I was instantaneously confused as to what CJ was referring too, but as I remembered what I'd said into the phone, my heart pulsed. I felt myself blush furiously, as I was already too slow to come back with a plausible response.
"Oh, no one," I laughed nervously, playing with the plastic sandwich box that I had yet to touch. "I was just saying that."
CJ pulled a potato chip from her own lunch and eyed me with mock- suspicion. "Ah, Carol you can't lie," she informed me, her mouth turning up into a half-smile. "So you're not gonna tell me?" I blew the air out of my lungs as though I were smoking a cigarette and wondered what would happen if I let CJ in on reality.
"No, not at the current moment," I responded, grinning enough to let her know that I found this funny. Only it wasn't and I didn't, and when I focussed on my lunch, I was really only focussing on CJ. On the dream that I'd had…. there on the couch, not three days before.
***
Later that night, as I sat flipping through the channels on my television, I started to believe that CJ understood my feelings for her. Thinking back on the debacle with the black dress and lipstick—it had been painfully clear that I was checking her out—and they way CJ's voice had sounded when she told me I couldn't lie…
It was all slightly less nightmarish now that we'd inched a bit closer to friendship, and I considered what CJ would say if I invited her to Clarita's or even out to dinner. There was really only one way to find out, and as my confidence built to a comfortable plateau, I reached for the telephone. It might not only be in dreams… *
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Before we get to this, the fourth part of the 'thing' I've got going here, I just have to thank everyone who has come back with such positive feedback! That felt great, and I can't wait to keep writing. Please let me know what is thought of this part…–Kansas
***
Her eyes were closed and her mouth tasted like sweet chocolate as she allowed me to explore it with my own. Her lips were slick and soft, and I could hardly control the pace of my kisses as they involuntarily deepened.
I slid my fingers through CJ's hair, pulling her closer to me, and dipped my head lower, suddenly unable to resist her neck. She smelled amazing and her body was so responsive as I slowly managed to undo her control with my lips.
CJ was moaning softly and I could feel her mouth brush against my ear as my tongue sought her breast. The shivers she sent down my spine were electric, and then with a sudden dissipation, she was gone from my arms.
"Carol. Wake up…" I heard her voice calling from a distance, and as the fog cleared it grew louder. "Come on, Carol..." CJ was shaking my shoulders gently, and I felt her weight next to me on the couch.
Oh God, I panicked as I opened my eyes. My heart was beating rapidly and I realized that I'd fallen asleep on the couch in her office; there was light sheen of sweat behind my neck and on my forehead, the kind that dreaming about CJ usually brought on.
"You're hot…do you feel okay?" CJ asked, bringing the back of her hand to my forehead. She brushed the hair out of my eyes, and with the distinct warmth in my stomach, I had a terrible, strong urge to pull her towards my body.
Instead, I sat up and shook my head slowly. I couldn't just explain that I'd been having The Dream about her, and so I mumbled into my hands. "I'm fine…"
"Let me get you some water," CJ said, getting up from the couch. While she was gone, I managed to collect myself enough to see that the gray March sky was now very dark. It must have been near eleven, since I'd come in here to sit down after CJ's final press conference. That had been around ten, and it was surprising that CJ had let me sleep so long.
"Here…" CJ held out an icy bottle of Aquafina and resumed her position on the couch. "Do you want me to get the thermometer or something? I mean, you're really the one who would know, but…"
I shook my head quickly as I sipped at the water. "No, no, I'm really okay…" I said in the strongest voice I could muster. Wow, it had seemed so real…felt so good…God, if dreaming about her was so hot reality must be…I bit my tongue, hoping to draw blood. This was the most unprofessional thing I'd ever done.
"As long as you're sure," CJ said, resting her elbows on her knees as she leaned forward. She looked up into the dark, silent office for a minute and then stood up. "I'm outta here. You are too."
I nodded, taciturn, and followed her out of the office. By the time I had collected all of my things from the desk, CJ was locking up her office door. I stopped and turned away from the hall, pretending to be engrossed in turning off my computer. She called goodnight as she rushed away, her perfume lingering briefly. Unable to respond I waited until I heard the final click of her heels exit into the lobby before I turned out the light on my desk.
***
CJ had made eating lunch with me routine and today as I arrived in the bullpen with sandwiches from the mess she was leaning against the doorframe. CJ held the receiver out to me and took the boxes, smiling as I eyed the phone with suspicion.
"You've got a long distance call from Nashua," CJ grinned as I rolled my eyes, both knowing it was only one person.
"Hi Mom," I sighed into the phone, watching CJ as she entered the office. I traced the lines of her back with my eyes, waiting for my mother to begin the customary round robin.
"Carol. I haven't heard from you in such a long time…I figured I'd call you where I knew you'd be," she explained, the sharp sigh evident in her voice.
"Are you at the hospital?" I asked, looking at my watch. We had taken a late lunch today, so my mother was probably back on duty. Typically, she wanted to limit our conversation.
"Yes, I can't talk long. Everyone here misses you…How are you, Carol?"
"I'm great, Mom…" I forced out a cheerful tone as I kept my eyes on the coffee table where CJ had set our sandwiches.
"How's the job?" She asked, making no attempt to hide the contemptuous attitude.
"Work is busy…but great…"
"Your boss seems nice," she allowed, knowing it was ridiculous not to be proud of this daughter, with this job.
"You've talked to CJ, before Mom…" I reminded her, just as CJ was exiting the office. She smiled at the mention of her name and mouthed the word 'soda' as she went down the hall.
"Well, Carol, are you seeing anyone?"
It was the question she always tended to sneak into our strained, formal diatribes; she would never stop asking it until I was married with four children. I sighed, knowing I how badly I would be leaving her disappointed.
"Sorry, Mom…Not right now," I chirped before the instant satisfaction in having displeased her could build to a guilty point.
"Well, anyone around with potential?" My mother hoped, searching for what she craved in me.
CJ returned then, holding up with triumph two cans of grape soda. I stifled a laugh and gave her the thumbs up before responding, "Yeah, Mom. There's someone I really want."
"Good!" she exclaimed. "You work on it, baby. I've got to get back, but call me soon."
If only my mother knew what she were endorsing. How ironic, I thought with contempt. "I love you…" I put cautiously forth, waiting to hear it reciprocated, but rewarded only with a click of the line.
Smirking with the typicality of my mother, I hung up and spun around to join CJ. She looked up, raising her eyebrows.
"Your mom sounds cool," she attempted, ringing only with sarcasm and an entertained smile. "And just to warn you, this soda is disgustingly sweet."
I plopped down on the couch and grabbed my own bright purple can and snorted loudly. "Yeah, she's about as cool as they come. God, the only thing she wants is for me to come back to Nashua and work in that damn hospital."
CJ leaned back and looked at me. "Well, I'm sure that she never expected you to be working in the White House."
I frowned, cracking open my can. "Hmm, RN or Senior Assistant to the White House Press Secretary…Which title would you rather have?" I asked, my tone indicating I had no doubts.
CJ shifted her body so that she was facing me. "Well Carol, technically you have both," she reminded me, her voice genuine. "Why did you go to school for nursing if you didn't really want it?"
I too turned my body, reveling in the fact that we were having a conversation unrelated to work. "Because my mother is a nurse and her mother was, too. I had no ideas of my own."
CJ smiled at me before taking a swig from her can. "I think you did, or you wouldn't have joined the campaign."
CJ was right; I nodded slowly, considering that choice. "She hated that I wanted to work for the Governor…The President, I mean. I remember the day I left for Manchester—she swore she'd never vote for Bartlet. I guess I like pissing off my mother…"
CJ looked at me quietly, and as I shifted my eyes downward, I wondered if I was telling her things she didn't care about hearing. When she spoke again, it was soft.
"She doesn't know that you're gay though, does she?"
My heart stopped, surprised that CJ had brought up the yet-untouched subject. "No, actually, she doesn't."
"Well, you don't really like to piss her off then, or you'd tell her just for spite…" CJ mused, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear and flashing her bright eyes at me; she'd made a valid point.
I chuckled, shaking my head. "Yes, but she wouldn't understand the real me. I don't want the thing most important to me to be cut down by my mother."
"My mother never understood the real me, either…" CJ said, staring past me for a moment. "So!" she perked up, "Who's this someone that you really want?"
I was instantaneously confused as to what CJ was referring too, but as I remembered what I'd said into the phone, my heart pulsed. I felt myself blush furiously, as I was already too slow to come back with a plausible response.
"Oh, no one," I laughed nervously, playing with the plastic sandwich box that I had yet to touch. "I was just saying that."
CJ pulled a potato chip from her own lunch and eyed me with mock- suspicion. "Ah, Carol you can't lie," she informed me, her mouth turning up into a half-smile. "So you're not gonna tell me?" I blew the air out of my lungs as though I were smoking a cigarette and wondered what would happen if I let CJ in on reality.
"No, not at the current moment," I responded, grinning enough to let her know that I found this funny. Only it wasn't and I didn't, and when I focussed on my lunch, I was really only focussing on CJ. On the dream that I'd had…. there on the couch, not three days before.
***
Later that night, as I sat flipping through the channels on my television, I started to believe that CJ understood my feelings for her. Thinking back on the debacle with the black dress and lipstick—it had been painfully clear that I was checking her out—and they way CJ's voice had sounded when she told me I couldn't lie…
It was all slightly less nightmarish now that we'd inched a bit closer to friendship, and I considered what CJ would say if I invited her to Clarita's or even out to dinner. There was really only one way to find out, and as my confidence built to a comfortable plateau, I reached for the telephone. It might not only be in dreams… *