Proximity: Admissions
***
"You're attracted to me, aren't you?"
For all the times CJ had made my heart stop, I thought I'd raised immunity to its more dangerous affects. But as her words filtered into my ears and I connected them to their meaning, I had to literally force myself to breathe.
"CJ…I don't know what to tell you…" I began nervously, still not quite in control of my reaction. I trailed badly, utterly unable to stop the dizziness she brought on. I met her eyes; they were piercing now, blue and icy and locked indefinitely with mine.
"Just…" CJ practically purred, "…tell me the truth."
I ripped my eyes away, and began to fiddle with the silverware. This was my chance to give CJ a slightly abridged version of how much I wanted her, thought about her…It was probably also a chance to feel like an idiot. From the look on her face and the calm leverage of her voice, I couldn't tell what kind of response CJ would have to hearing me say it; but clearly she already knew.
"Yeah…I am," I admitted in a shaky voice, sucking air into my lungs at a heavy pace. CJ sat back in her chair, her big grin replaced by a soft smile. I looked up shyly, expecting God only knew what.
"Yeah," she echoed, cocking her head. Her hair smoothly fell in a line against her jaw, and before a strange silence could set in, the waiter arrived with our plates.
The steam rose up from the hot food, momentarily clouding the air at our table and I took the split second to collect my bearings. I silently begged CJ not to be angry with me, hate me, or do anything that might adversely affect our working relationship. Damn she was fine, I realized with a small smile, watching her twirl her pasta around a fork.
"So," I picked up the conversation, willing myself to act normally, "you could tell?" I had to know just how overt I'd been with my feelings, and tucking the hair behind my ears, I ignored my food in exchange for an answer.
CJ looked at me, her face blossoming into a smile. "Sure," she shrugged casually. "I'm really rather flattered."
"Oh?" I asked, chuckling in spite of my aching urge to know if the feeling was mutual.
"Yeah," she explained through a mouthful of salad, "Younger women aren't usually the ones hitting on me."
I opened my mouth and raised my eyebrows in amusement. "CJ, I was so not hitting on you…" I attempted, laughter skittering through me.
CJ put down her fork and stared me head on, her expression dead serious. "Well what are you waiting for?"
With another quick pointed stare, she turned back to her meal, leaving me full of shock, excitement, and enough heat to warm up my plate of cooling spaghetti.
***
It honestly hadn't been awkward after that point; we'd simply gone back to our conversation and avoided the topic of our personal lives. I longed to bring it up and find out if CJ had been with a woman before, but shyness took over my nerve, and we simply stuck to office gossip. She did great impressions of Toby and Josh, laughing hysterically, I'd almost forgotten our earlier exchange.
After declining dessert, CJ snatched up the check before I could protest. Not wanting to argue with her, I went to the ladies room while she paid; fixing my hair and lipstick, I thought of calling Leah on my cell phone, but I didn't want to leave CJ waiting. But what a call that would be later tonight…
CJ had practically asked me to hit on her. I almost laughed aloud with giddiness as I pushed open the restroom door: this was too good to be true. For all I knew she'd been kidding around, but my interpretation had been utterly serious. Butterflies flew circles in my stomach as I walked back to our table and I contemplated what to do.
"Ready?" CJ asked, standing up slowly as I returned. I nodded, practically lost in watching her slip into her blazer. "What's wrong?" CJ asked, smoothing her hair as she noticed my gaze.
My face grew hot but I didn't try to cover up. "Nothing, you're beautiful." As soon as the words were out of my mouth I couldn't believe I'd said them, and yet I had. CJ's eyes crinkled at the corners as her hand went to the small of my back, guiding me towards the exit.
I could feel her touch on my back even through my jacket and I absently wondered if she kept heat in her fingers. God, this wasn't happening, was it? Briefly I wondered if I'd wake up on the office couch in a sweat…On the street CJ took her hand away from me to search for her keys and I shivered at the loss of her nearness.
CJ very chivalrously unlocked and opened her passenger door for me. I moved to slide past her into the car, but stopped as my body brushed against hers. I knew she'd felt the spark, and I stood stunned looking into CJ's face, mere inches away.
The smell of her perfume, her crystal eyes and the incredible lines of her lips drew me closer; CJ too leaned forward ever so slightly and as I heard her caught breath, I realized that we were about to share a kiss.
My heart beat rapidly, as she quickly diverted her mouth towards my ear. "Not here," she whispered, sending an incredible shock down my spine. Breathless, I got into the Lexus as CJ walked around; it was a good thing I was sitting down, for simply the sound of her whispered voice left me weak in the knees.
***
She let me into her apartment and stood against the back of the door, watching me after she'd closed it. I was in an absolute twist, unsure of what CJ wanted me to do but very sure of what I needed. I was going to have to let my emotions take over...
"Carol," she murmured as I stepped closer to her, tentatively taking her slim hand in mine.
"Hmm?" I asked, absently stroking CJ's palms. What little space there was between us I planned to close within seconds.
"This is…" CJ began, her eyelids drooping a bit as I cupped her face with my free hand.
"What?" I sighed, drawing her mouth into mine. Her only response was a soft moan accompanied by a slow, careful contact.
It was absolute overload to my senses as I tried to completely grasp the feeling of CJ's lips on mine; her mouth was gentle, soft and slick and I could taste her wine as she sucked slowly on my lower lip. Her hands were tentatively tracing my hips as I tangled my hands in her hair, reminiscent of my recurring dream.
CJ tightened her grasp on my waist as she slipped her tongue lightly past my lips, and then it was my turn to moan gratefully. The sensation was incredibly electric, and my entire body felt weak at her sudden take-over of the kiss.
Breaking away only for air, CJ's breathing was as erratic as mine was and for the first time in my life, I saw her unnerved. She looked downright vulnerable, a position I was not used to putting CJ in.
"Wow," she sighed, pulling me closer by the belt loops of my slacks, "it's been way too long since I've done that with a woman."
I leaned my head back to look up at her, reveling in the fact that she had indeed had experiences with other women. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that for," I said quietly, ready to bare my soul should she ask.
CJ smiled softly and lowered her lips to my neck. The incredible thrills ran through my body, sending my arousal sky high as she found my ear again. "And you have no idea how long I've been waiting for it."
***
***
"You're attracted to me, aren't you?"
For all the times CJ had made my heart stop, I thought I'd raised immunity to its more dangerous affects. But as her words filtered into my ears and I connected them to their meaning, I had to literally force myself to breathe.
"CJ…I don't know what to tell you…" I began nervously, still not quite in control of my reaction. I trailed badly, utterly unable to stop the dizziness she brought on. I met her eyes; they were piercing now, blue and icy and locked indefinitely with mine.
"Just…" CJ practically purred, "…tell me the truth."
I ripped my eyes away, and began to fiddle with the silverware. This was my chance to give CJ a slightly abridged version of how much I wanted her, thought about her…It was probably also a chance to feel like an idiot. From the look on her face and the calm leverage of her voice, I couldn't tell what kind of response CJ would have to hearing me say it; but clearly she already knew.
"Yeah…I am," I admitted in a shaky voice, sucking air into my lungs at a heavy pace. CJ sat back in her chair, her big grin replaced by a soft smile. I looked up shyly, expecting God only knew what.
"Yeah," she echoed, cocking her head. Her hair smoothly fell in a line against her jaw, and before a strange silence could set in, the waiter arrived with our plates.
The steam rose up from the hot food, momentarily clouding the air at our table and I took the split second to collect my bearings. I silently begged CJ not to be angry with me, hate me, or do anything that might adversely affect our working relationship. Damn she was fine, I realized with a small smile, watching her twirl her pasta around a fork.
"So," I picked up the conversation, willing myself to act normally, "you could tell?" I had to know just how overt I'd been with my feelings, and tucking the hair behind my ears, I ignored my food in exchange for an answer.
CJ looked at me, her face blossoming into a smile. "Sure," she shrugged casually. "I'm really rather flattered."
"Oh?" I asked, chuckling in spite of my aching urge to know if the feeling was mutual.
"Yeah," she explained through a mouthful of salad, "Younger women aren't usually the ones hitting on me."
I opened my mouth and raised my eyebrows in amusement. "CJ, I was so not hitting on you…" I attempted, laughter skittering through me.
CJ put down her fork and stared me head on, her expression dead serious. "Well what are you waiting for?"
With another quick pointed stare, she turned back to her meal, leaving me full of shock, excitement, and enough heat to warm up my plate of cooling spaghetti.
***
It honestly hadn't been awkward after that point; we'd simply gone back to our conversation and avoided the topic of our personal lives. I longed to bring it up and find out if CJ had been with a woman before, but shyness took over my nerve, and we simply stuck to office gossip. She did great impressions of Toby and Josh, laughing hysterically, I'd almost forgotten our earlier exchange.
After declining dessert, CJ snatched up the check before I could protest. Not wanting to argue with her, I went to the ladies room while she paid; fixing my hair and lipstick, I thought of calling Leah on my cell phone, but I didn't want to leave CJ waiting. But what a call that would be later tonight…
CJ had practically asked me to hit on her. I almost laughed aloud with giddiness as I pushed open the restroom door: this was too good to be true. For all I knew she'd been kidding around, but my interpretation had been utterly serious. Butterflies flew circles in my stomach as I walked back to our table and I contemplated what to do.
"Ready?" CJ asked, standing up slowly as I returned. I nodded, practically lost in watching her slip into her blazer. "What's wrong?" CJ asked, smoothing her hair as she noticed my gaze.
My face grew hot but I didn't try to cover up. "Nothing, you're beautiful." As soon as the words were out of my mouth I couldn't believe I'd said them, and yet I had. CJ's eyes crinkled at the corners as her hand went to the small of my back, guiding me towards the exit.
I could feel her touch on my back even through my jacket and I absently wondered if she kept heat in her fingers. God, this wasn't happening, was it? Briefly I wondered if I'd wake up on the office couch in a sweat…On the street CJ took her hand away from me to search for her keys and I shivered at the loss of her nearness.
CJ very chivalrously unlocked and opened her passenger door for me. I moved to slide past her into the car, but stopped as my body brushed against hers. I knew she'd felt the spark, and I stood stunned looking into CJ's face, mere inches away.
The smell of her perfume, her crystal eyes and the incredible lines of her lips drew me closer; CJ too leaned forward ever so slightly and as I heard her caught breath, I realized that we were about to share a kiss.
My heart beat rapidly, as she quickly diverted her mouth towards my ear. "Not here," she whispered, sending an incredible shock down my spine. Breathless, I got into the Lexus as CJ walked around; it was a good thing I was sitting down, for simply the sound of her whispered voice left me weak in the knees.
***
She let me into her apartment and stood against the back of the door, watching me after she'd closed it. I was in an absolute twist, unsure of what CJ wanted me to do but very sure of what I needed. I was going to have to let my emotions take over...
"Carol," she murmured as I stepped closer to her, tentatively taking her slim hand in mine.
"Hmm?" I asked, absently stroking CJ's palms. What little space there was between us I planned to close within seconds.
"This is…" CJ began, her eyelids drooping a bit as I cupped her face with my free hand.
"What?" I sighed, drawing her mouth into mine. Her only response was a soft moan accompanied by a slow, careful contact.
It was absolute overload to my senses as I tried to completely grasp the feeling of CJ's lips on mine; her mouth was gentle, soft and slick and I could taste her wine as she sucked slowly on my lower lip. Her hands were tentatively tracing my hips as I tangled my hands in her hair, reminiscent of my recurring dream.
CJ tightened her grasp on my waist as she slipped her tongue lightly past my lips, and then it was my turn to moan gratefully. The sensation was incredibly electric, and my entire body felt weak at her sudden take-over of the kiss.
Breaking away only for air, CJ's breathing was as erratic as mine was and for the first time in my life, I saw her unnerved. She looked downright vulnerable, a position I was not used to putting CJ in.
"Wow," she sighed, pulling me closer by the belt loops of my slacks, "it's been way too long since I've done that with a woman."
I leaned my head back to look up at her, reveling in the fact that she had indeed had experiences with other women. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that for," I said quietly, ready to bare my soul should she ask.
CJ smiled softly and lowered her lips to my neck. The incredible thrills ran through my body, sending my arousal sky high as she found my ear again. "And you have no idea how long I've been waiting for it."
***