Proximity: Guilty Pleasure
***
Friday Night
***
"So," Leah leaned in with a mischievous grin, her blonde hair bright even in the dim light of the bar, "she's meeting you here at ten?"
I grinned with shyness unusual for me and looked down at my black skirt. "I'm starting to think it was a mistake."
"Why?" Leah asked incredulously, gesturing through smoky air at the circle of our chatty friends, "We're a lot of fun!"
"I know," I sighed, grinning at the four other women gathered around. "You're right, but CJ isn't exactly…I don't know. I think I'm afraid she'll realize how young I am."
"How old is she again?" Leah asked, scrunching up her eyebrows as she tried to recall.
"She's fourteen years older than I am," I mumbled, the number suddenly sounding huge and before I could brace myself for my friends' criticisms, Chelsea entered the conversation.
"Carol, I don't think I've ever seen you date someone your age," she noted, raising her glass of beer in kind gesture.
"You're into older women; no one's judging you," Robin said casually flicking her cigarette and training her dark eyes on me. Robin was a lot like me and had once dated her older, sophisticated boss. Robin and I had always found plenty to talk about.
"Well when she gets here, please just act normal, would ya?" I pleaded with a grateful smile, rolling my eyes good-naturedly.
"Per your request," Keri grinned, adjusting the straps of her tank top. "I can't wait to meet this chick."
"Seriously. You've been in love with her for like twenty years," Gayle exaggerated, finally piping up. She shrugged her shoulders, smiling slowly. "I really can't believe she turned out to be a lesbian."
"Okay, so she dates men, too," I clarified with a bit of humor, leaning my elbows on my knees. My friends chuckled, and Chelsea nodded in approval; she was the only one of my friends who occasionally dated a man.
"That's fine, as long as she doesn't date one while also dating you," Keri laughed, evoking a few titters. I looked at my watch; it was five of ten. My heart quickly fluttered and I stood up.
"I'm going to the bathroom. Be back in a second…" Standing up from the low sofa, I waded through the noisy crowd of people towards the restroom.
Monday had been the last time I'd seen CJ outside of work, and I'd been itching all week to make plans. That morning, to my happiness, CJ announced that she wanted to do what I liked to do on a Friday night. It was slightly embarrassing and very nerve wracking to explain that the six of us simply hit a club and hung there all night. But CJ had seemed enthusiastic and said she'd meet me wherever at ten o'clock.
There were a few women in the bathroom when I entered; after they left I stepped out of the stall and adjusted my caramel colored top. The cut was too low, but I'd always used its long sleeves to justify wearing it. Combined with a short black skirt, I thought I looked pretty sexy. As I toyed with my dark hair and inspected my eye makeup, I absently wondered if CJ would hate this club.
I'd given CJ the Georgetown address and plenty of time to decide she didn't want to be seen in a lesbian bar. She'd looked right at me and nodded firmly, giving me no choice but to believe that she was comfortable with it.
And this was a great place to hang out—lots of interesting people and a really fun, hip atmosphere; the tables were low to the floor centered around big plush sofas and the DJ played the best mix of music. The bar made great drinks and I'd never gone home from this place unhappy. Still, as I reapplied my lipstick for the fourth time in thirty minutes, I had no real idea of what CJ's style was. Having dinner with her two weeks ago had been the one and only time we'd gone out together. On the campaign, she and I had hardly ever interacted socially, and now I was about to bring two different parts of my life together in one place. My stomach flip-flopped when I realized it was 9:59.
Outside of the bathroom, I elbowed my way easily back to our collective area, Chelsea had already struck up conversation with a stranger, Robin and Gayle were sizing up the women at the bar, and Keri was joking around with Leah. I sat down in between them and positioned myself so I could see the door.
"Okay, I think she'll find you. This is a small place," Keri grinned, pulling on her brown pony tail with a casual sarcasm that told me my apprehension was apparent.
Turning back to a normal sitting position, I looked pointedly at Leah. "This is gonna be awful."
Leah but her hand on my shoulders and shook me quickly. She tried to calm my mood with an exasperated, patronizing tone. "Dude, if you don't stop freaking out, it sure will be awful. She likes you—not the spastic version of you. So get a grip and become normal again."
"A-plus for your friend," CJ's voice suddenly streamed into my ear, low and thick as she leaned over the back of the couch. I practically jumped as embarrassed nervous laughter let loose. "But then again, I don't think I've ever seen the spastic version of you, Carol…" CJ grinned at Leah as she walked around the sofa.
She was dressed casually in a sleeveless blue sweater and tight dark jeans; with her hair flipped outward, makeup slightly darker than usual and perfume youthfully heavy, I was proud she was there to see me. Keri, practically speechless, moved over on the sofa to make room for CJ, and I noticed the rest of my friends slowly inch towards us.
"Well, the spastic version of Carol is in overdrive right now, so watch out," Leah joked, smiling at CJ. "I'm Leah," she introduced herself, extending her hand.
"CJ…" they shook hands casually and CJ turned towards Keri while I sat stunned by her sneak approach. "I'm sorry if I'm taking your seat…"
"No, no…" Keri laughed with a wave of her hand. "I'll move over any day for Carol's girlfriend."
CJ looked over at me, her face high with amusement at Keri's classification. She grinned, ignoring the comment. "Do you know what I had to do to get of there tonight?"
I finally regained my powers of speech, acutely aware of the eyes on us. "I'm sure you did okay…" I managed, smiling knowingly.
"Let's just say I owe Donna one… So introduce me to the rest of your friends," CJ suggested with a smile, tapping my bare knee with her knuckle. She was oblivious that they'd been watching her keenly since she'd walked in, or maybe she was just good at pretending. As I named out each of my friends, CJ shook a hand and kidded around like she'd known them for ages.
Leah pulled a cigarette out of her pack, and before she could find her lighter, CJ was there with her own. I realized, with good reason, that CJ would be the center of attention all night long and as she held lively court with captive ears, I discretely slipped my hand into hers.
***
We'd had a great laugh when some woman at the bar sent a vodka and cranberry to CJ; she'd politely decided that she didn't want it, and Leah and I had volunteered to get a new round for everyone.
With CJ answering the girls' questions at a fairly good clip—nothing challenging there—we headed for the bar and our first chance to talk since CJ had come in. The minute we were out of earshot, Leah exploded excitedly, her hair bouncing with her stride.
"Holy hell, Carol! I thought maybe you'd built her up, but you so didn't do her justice. She's great! Seriously, CJ has got to be the coolest person ever," Leah gushed, bringing a grin to my face. "I'm very happy for you," she added genuinely, understanding more than anyone what CJ meant to me.
"I was so afraid she'd hate hanging out with us twenty-five year olds…" I breathed out, tapping my hands on the bar as squeezed between people. "But it appears to be working out."
"And she's hot," Leah said simply, raising her eyebrows. "Four Buds on tap, a screwdriver and…did CJ want something?" Leah looked at me, holding the bar tender's attention for another moment.
"I'll get her a glass of wine," I decided, noting with dissatisfaction that all CJ had had to drink in 90 minutes was half a beer. It wasn't that I wanted her drunk, but I did want her to be relaxed later on. I'd been waiting forever to get close to CJ, and tonight I hoped she wouldn't mind an advance. Still, I recalled as I juggled the wineglass and two beers, I had promised her last Friday that we'd go slowly.
***
CJ's beautiful apartment was at the corner of 19th and H streets, just a block from Pennsylvania Avenue and a quaint little park. Yet she wanted to go back to my apartment. We had to drive 395 over the river to get to my tiny place in smoggy Arlington Heights; every night the airplanes from National took off and landed right in my ear. But who was I to disagree? I wanted CJ whenever, wherever—a fact I hoped was not lost on her as I rested my hand on her knee.
CJ wasn't really paying attention to me except for an occasional glance and grin; with Leah and Keri in the back seat of the Lexus hysterically drunk, driving was to CJ just an annoying distraction from the humor unfolding behind her.
Leah lived in the apartment across the hall from mine—it was great to have a close friend so nearby. Tonight before she pushed a stumbling, laughing Keri through her door, Leah turned around and winked at me. I blushed, hoping CJ hadn't noticed as I unlocked my door.
Once inside, I was very glad I'd taken the time to straighten the place up; CJ was mostly unaffected by whatever she'd had to drink, and as she seated herself on the couch, she looked around my tastefully decorated apartment.
"Carol. This place is way too mature for a kid you're age."
I wasn't nearly so affected by my liquor as I wanted to be either, and I practically took offense at her comment. Throwing myself down on the sofa, I snorted. "And know I appreciate being referred to as a kid."
CJ tore her eyes off of my collection of miniature tea sets and turned towards me. "And know I was only joking," CJ shot back with a grin. "Your age does not worry, bother or otherwise interfere with my feelings for you."
I rested my arm on the back of the sofa, my fingers reaching for a lock of CJ's dirty blonde hair. "You're using really big words for having been at a club all night."
CJ smiled and caught me off guard with her hand on my cheek. She gave me a short, soft kiss on the lips, and pulled back. "You know I can't go to that club with you again. Or any other place like it."
My eyelids had drooped at the sweet feel of her mouth, and now I opened them fully. "What?"
Sighing, CJ sensed my dizzy confusion. "Carol, I took a big risk by going to a lesbian bar. I went because I wanted you to know that I care about you. But I can't do it again, if just for the Administration's sake."
I leaned my head forward, my chin finding her shoulder. "Okay," I mumbled, seeing the hazy logic. I knew that I would be touched by CJ's gesture later, when I was less distracted by her perfume. "Can we go to non- lesbian bars?"
Chuckling at my elementary tone, CJ's arms encircled my waist, squeezing me closer. "Sure," she smiled against my ear, "we can do whatever you want."
"How about this?" I murmured, bringing my hands to CJ's shoulders. I gently pushed her onto her back, anxious to continue the kiss she'd initiated a minute before.
***
Her mouth, her hands, her fingers and her smooth skin—CJ surrounded my body, inside and out. Grappling with the intensity of having her everywhere at once, I was vaguely aware that our moans were louder than even the airplanes landing outside.
Somehow CJ had maneuvered us from the sofa into my bedroom, shedding clothing as rough kisses built our arousal. I had to remind myself to breath at the sight of her beautiful, tanned naked body stretched out on my bed; CJ saw the affect it had on me, and with a crook of her finger, I was next to her in a flash.
Now as I panted with the exertions of an orgasm, CJ was stroking my stomach and quietly moving her lips up my neck. Her ministrations were no longer sexual, simply affectionate, and the reality of what we had just done sent warmth over my entire body.
"CJ…" I breathed out, her name floating around in my brain uncontrollably.
"You okay?" she asked, her hair soft against my chest as she settled her head down.
"I really am," I decided with a smile. I ran my hands up CJ's smooth bare back reveling in how gorgeous she was. "What's your one guilty pleasure?" I asked aloud, the question randomly popping into my head and out of my mouth.
CJ's fingers continued to dance around my belly button as she thought. "Hmm…I think that would have to be Cher. I like Cher," she said with a wry grin, looking up at me.
I laughed aloud before sending my lips to her hair. "That's definitely a guilty pleasure," I smiled.
"So what's yours?" CJ asked, her tone mock defensive.
I sat up, pulling CJ with me as I leaned against the pillows in my bed. "You used to be my guilty pleasure. Just watching you, thinking about you, imagining what you'd feel like…" I admitted, nervous as CJ moved back slightly to see my face.
"And now?" she asked, tilting her chin upwards.
I grinned largely, surely revealing all of my teeth. "Now you're just a pleasure."
"No guilt?" CJ teased, running her fingers through my now-tangled long hair as she settled her body against mine.
"No guilt," I whispered, feeling only that pleasure as I once again lowered my mouth to CJ. *
***
Friday Night
***
"So," Leah leaned in with a mischievous grin, her blonde hair bright even in the dim light of the bar, "she's meeting you here at ten?"
I grinned with shyness unusual for me and looked down at my black skirt. "I'm starting to think it was a mistake."
"Why?" Leah asked incredulously, gesturing through smoky air at the circle of our chatty friends, "We're a lot of fun!"
"I know," I sighed, grinning at the four other women gathered around. "You're right, but CJ isn't exactly…I don't know. I think I'm afraid she'll realize how young I am."
"How old is she again?" Leah asked, scrunching up her eyebrows as she tried to recall.
"She's fourteen years older than I am," I mumbled, the number suddenly sounding huge and before I could brace myself for my friends' criticisms, Chelsea entered the conversation.
"Carol, I don't think I've ever seen you date someone your age," she noted, raising her glass of beer in kind gesture.
"You're into older women; no one's judging you," Robin said casually flicking her cigarette and training her dark eyes on me. Robin was a lot like me and had once dated her older, sophisticated boss. Robin and I had always found plenty to talk about.
"Well when she gets here, please just act normal, would ya?" I pleaded with a grateful smile, rolling my eyes good-naturedly.
"Per your request," Keri grinned, adjusting the straps of her tank top. "I can't wait to meet this chick."
"Seriously. You've been in love with her for like twenty years," Gayle exaggerated, finally piping up. She shrugged her shoulders, smiling slowly. "I really can't believe she turned out to be a lesbian."
"Okay, so she dates men, too," I clarified with a bit of humor, leaning my elbows on my knees. My friends chuckled, and Chelsea nodded in approval; she was the only one of my friends who occasionally dated a man.
"That's fine, as long as she doesn't date one while also dating you," Keri laughed, evoking a few titters. I looked at my watch; it was five of ten. My heart quickly fluttered and I stood up.
"I'm going to the bathroom. Be back in a second…" Standing up from the low sofa, I waded through the noisy crowd of people towards the restroom.
Monday had been the last time I'd seen CJ outside of work, and I'd been itching all week to make plans. That morning, to my happiness, CJ announced that she wanted to do what I liked to do on a Friday night. It was slightly embarrassing and very nerve wracking to explain that the six of us simply hit a club and hung there all night. But CJ had seemed enthusiastic and said she'd meet me wherever at ten o'clock.
There were a few women in the bathroom when I entered; after they left I stepped out of the stall and adjusted my caramel colored top. The cut was too low, but I'd always used its long sleeves to justify wearing it. Combined with a short black skirt, I thought I looked pretty sexy. As I toyed with my dark hair and inspected my eye makeup, I absently wondered if CJ would hate this club.
I'd given CJ the Georgetown address and plenty of time to decide she didn't want to be seen in a lesbian bar. She'd looked right at me and nodded firmly, giving me no choice but to believe that she was comfortable with it.
And this was a great place to hang out—lots of interesting people and a really fun, hip atmosphere; the tables were low to the floor centered around big plush sofas and the DJ played the best mix of music. The bar made great drinks and I'd never gone home from this place unhappy. Still, as I reapplied my lipstick for the fourth time in thirty minutes, I had no real idea of what CJ's style was. Having dinner with her two weeks ago had been the one and only time we'd gone out together. On the campaign, she and I had hardly ever interacted socially, and now I was about to bring two different parts of my life together in one place. My stomach flip-flopped when I realized it was 9:59.
Outside of the bathroom, I elbowed my way easily back to our collective area, Chelsea had already struck up conversation with a stranger, Robin and Gayle were sizing up the women at the bar, and Keri was joking around with Leah. I sat down in between them and positioned myself so I could see the door.
"Okay, I think she'll find you. This is a small place," Keri grinned, pulling on her brown pony tail with a casual sarcasm that told me my apprehension was apparent.
Turning back to a normal sitting position, I looked pointedly at Leah. "This is gonna be awful."
Leah but her hand on my shoulders and shook me quickly. She tried to calm my mood with an exasperated, patronizing tone. "Dude, if you don't stop freaking out, it sure will be awful. She likes you—not the spastic version of you. So get a grip and become normal again."
"A-plus for your friend," CJ's voice suddenly streamed into my ear, low and thick as she leaned over the back of the couch. I practically jumped as embarrassed nervous laughter let loose. "But then again, I don't think I've ever seen the spastic version of you, Carol…" CJ grinned at Leah as she walked around the sofa.
She was dressed casually in a sleeveless blue sweater and tight dark jeans; with her hair flipped outward, makeup slightly darker than usual and perfume youthfully heavy, I was proud she was there to see me. Keri, practically speechless, moved over on the sofa to make room for CJ, and I noticed the rest of my friends slowly inch towards us.
"Well, the spastic version of Carol is in overdrive right now, so watch out," Leah joked, smiling at CJ. "I'm Leah," she introduced herself, extending her hand.
"CJ…" they shook hands casually and CJ turned towards Keri while I sat stunned by her sneak approach. "I'm sorry if I'm taking your seat…"
"No, no…" Keri laughed with a wave of her hand. "I'll move over any day for Carol's girlfriend."
CJ looked over at me, her face high with amusement at Keri's classification. She grinned, ignoring the comment. "Do you know what I had to do to get of there tonight?"
I finally regained my powers of speech, acutely aware of the eyes on us. "I'm sure you did okay…" I managed, smiling knowingly.
"Let's just say I owe Donna one… So introduce me to the rest of your friends," CJ suggested with a smile, tapping my bare knee with her knuckle. She was oblivious that they'd been watching her keenly since she'd walked in, or maybe she was just good at pretending. As I named out each of my friends, CJ shook a hand and kidded around like she'd known them for ages.
Leah pulled a cigarette out of her pack, and before she could find her lighter, CJ was there with her own. I realized, with good reason, that CJ would be the center of attention all night long and as she held lively court with captive ears, I discretely slipped my hand into hers.
***
We'd had a great laugh when some woman at the bar sent a vodka and cranberry to CJ; she'd politely decided that she didn't want it, and Leah and I had volunteered to get a new round for everyone.
With CJ answering the girls' questions at a fairly good clip—nothing challenging there—we headed for the bar and our first chance to talk since CJ had come in. The minute we were out of earshot, Leah exploded excitedly, her hair bouncing with her stride.
"Holy hell, Carol! I thought maybe you'd built her up, but you so didn't do her justice. She's great! Seriously, CJ has got to be the coolest person ever," Leah gushed, bringing a grin to my face. "I'm very happy for you," she added genuinely, understanding more than anyone what CJ meant to me.
"I was so afraid she'd hate hanging out with us twenty-five year olds…" I breathed out, tapping my hands on the bar as squeezed between people. "But it appears to be working out."
"And she's hot," Leah said simply, raising her eyebrows. "Four Buds on tap, a screwdriver and…did CJ want something?" Leah looked at me, holding the bar tender's attention for another moment.
"I'll get her a glass of wine," I decided, noting with dissatisfaction that all CJ had had to drink in 90 minutes was half a beer. It wasn't that I wanted her drunk, but I did want her to be relaxed later on. I'd been waiting forever to get close to CJ, and tonight I hoped she wouldn't mind an advance. Still, I recalled as I juggled the wineglass and two beers, I had promised her last Friday that we'd go slowly.
***
CJ's beautiful apartment was at the corner of 19th and H streets, just a block from Pennsylvania Avenue and a quaint little park. Yet she wanted to go back to my apartment. We had to drive 395 over the river to get to my tiny place in smoggy Arlington Heights; every night the airplanes from National took off and landed right in my ear. But who was I to disagree? I wanted CJ whenever, wherever—a fact I hoped was not lost on her as I rested my hand on her knee.
CJ wasn't really paying attention to me except for an occasional glance and grin; with Leah and Keri in the back seat of the Lexus hysterically drunk, driving was to CJ just an annoying distraction from the humor unfolding behind her.
Leah lived in the apartment across the hall from mine—it was great to have a close friend so nearby. Tonight before she pushed a stumbling, laughing Keri through her door, Leah turned around and winked at me. I blushed, hoping CJ hadn't noticed as I unlocked my door.
Once inside, I was very glad I'd taken the time to straighten the place up; CJ was mostly unaffected by whatever she'd had to drink, and as she seated herself on the couch, she looked around my tastefully decorated apartment.
"Carol. This place is way too mature for a kid you're age."
I wasn't nearly so affected by my liquor as I wanted to be either, and I practically took offense at her comment. Throwing myself down on the sofa, I snorted. "And know I appreciate being referred to as a kid."
CJ tore her eyes off of my collection of miniature tea sets and turned towards me. "And know I was only joking," CJ shot back with a grin. "Your age does not worry, bother or otherwise interfere with my feelings for you."
I rested my arm on the back of the sofa, my fingers reaching for a lock of CJ's dirty blonde hair. "You're using really big words for having been at a club all night."
CJ smiled and caught me off guard with her hand on my cheek. She gave me a short, soft kiss on the lips, and pulled back. "You know I can't go to that club with you again. Or any other place like it."
My eyelids had drooped at the sweet feel of her mouth, and now I opened them fully. "What?"
Sighing, CJ sensed my dizzy confusion. "Carol, I took a big risk by going to a lesbian bar. I went because I wanted you to know that I care about you. But I can't do it again, if just for the Administration's sake."
I leaned my head forward, my chin finding her shoulder. "Okay," I mumbled, seeing the hazy logic. I knew that I would be touched by CJ's gesture later, when I was less distracted by her perfume. "Can we go to non- lesbian bars?"
Chuckling at my elementary tone, CJ's arms encircled my waist, squeezing me closer. "Sure," she smiled against my ear, "we can do whatever you want."
"How about this?" I murmured, bringing my hands to CJ's shoulders. I gently pushed her onto her back, anxious to continue the kiss she'd initiated a minute before.
***
Her mouth, her hands, her fingers and her smooth skin—CJ surrounded my body, inside and out. Grappling with the intensity of having her everywhere at once, I was vaguely aware that our moans were louder than even the airplanes landing outside.
Somehow CJ had maneuvered us from the sofa into my bedroom, shedding clothing as rough kisses built our arousal. I had to remind myself to breath at the sight of her beautiful, tanned naked body stretched out on my bed; CJ saw the affect it had on me, and with a crook of her finger, I was next to her in a flash.
Now as I panted with the exertions of an orgasm, CJ was stroking my stomach and quietly moving her lips up my neck. Her ministrations were no longer sexual, simply affectionate, and the reality of what we had just done sent warmth over my entire body.
"CJ…" I breathed out, her name floating around in my brain uncontrollably.
"You okay?" she asked, her hair soft against my chest as she settled her head down.
"I really am," I decided with a smile. I ran my hands up CJ's smooth bare back reveling in how gorgeous she was. "What's your one guilty pleasure?" I asked aloud, the question randomly popping into my head and out of my mouth.
CJ's fingers continued to dance around my belly button as she thought. "Hmm…I think that would have to be Cher. I like Cher," she said with a wry grin, looking up at me.
I laughed aloud before sending my lips to her hair. "That's definitely a guilty pleasure," I smiled.
"So what's yours?" CJ asked, her tone mock defensive.
I sat up, pulling CJ with me as I leaned against the pillows in my bed. "You used to be my guilty pleasure. Just watching you, thinking about you, imagining what you'd feel like…" I admitted, nervous as CJ moved back slightly to see my face.
"And now?" she asked, tilting her chin upwards.
I grinned largely, surely revealing all of my teeth. "Now you're just a pleasure."
"No guilt?" CJ teased, running her fingers through my now-tangled long hair as she settled her body against mine.
"No guilt," I whispered, feeling only that pleasure as I once again lowered my mouth to CJ. *