Oh my! What now? The children are asleep. But look! There's nothing underneath. No ghouls! No witches here to scream and scare them or ensnare them, only little cozy things secure inside their dream land. What's this? The monsters are all missing and the nightmares can't be found! And in their place there seems to be good feeling all around! Instead of screams I swear I can hear music in the air! The smell of cakes and pies are absolutely everywhere…Okay, here I was, excitedly typing up my super great ploterrific sequel to To Finally Let Go when a little voice in my head (I have a lot of those lately) is all like "Um…Teresa, I know you understand the whole Kouga/Kagura relationship…but no one else will until you tell them…so won't this story not fully make sense?" Stupid voice. Always has to know more than me. Thinks it's so clever. Well just wait! I'll show it! So looks like I'm going to have to make sense and write this story first. Not like I'm that upset about writing this, it's just…I hate being proven wrong by a disembodied figment of my imagination! Not fair! Okay, sooo…here's the story. Oh yeah, by the way, as far as I know, no one's bothered to name the generic-wolfy-guys, so I did. Oh yeah, and sorry about my singing. So I like cartoons! So sue me!
*****
Love to Hate You
*****
It's been a while
Since I could
Hold my head up high
It's been a whileSince I first saw you
It's been a while
Since I could stand
On my own two feet again
-Staind It's Been A While
"Kouga, are you…do you feel okay?" Sanka asked the leader of the wolf tribe. Kouga looked up at his clan member. Sanka always looked haphazard, his black hair cut unevenly with a big white tuft in front. Despite his looks, Sanka was usually very competent and was often braver than most of his companions. The fact that he was willing to approach the angry looking leader when everyone else was afraid to look at him was proof of that.
"I'm fine." Kouga moped. Damn that dog turd, stealing his woman! And he'd mated her too! Kouga was absolutely furious with all of this, and he'd not spoken a civil word to anyone in months.
"Oh. That's fine then." Sanka gulped and looked around as though he wasn't finished, but a bit scared to continue.
"What do you want?" Kouga growled angrily.
"I just…was wondering. Cause you've seemed kind of strange ever since you went to get Kagome-neesan and came back—" Sanka cut off as Kouga stood up, flashing his fangs threateningly.
"That's none of your damn business!" Kouga snarled. He had to get out of here. Maybe go hunting. He felt like ripping something to shreds right about now. Kouga stormed toward the mouth of the cave, leaving his terrified tribe to watch him go. Bastards. What do they know about how I feel right now? Kouga ran blindly down the mountain trail. He simply felt like letting off pent up frustration. Bunch of damn idiots. Don't understand what it's like to have something important stolen from you. Kagome was my woman, and he knew it!
Suddenly, he could hear Kagome in his mind. Kouga, I am not your woman!
Growling in a rage, Kouga ignored his surroundings as he continued to run, focusing instead on his anger and pain. She was my woman! I claimed her in front of everyone! Just because we never actually mated didn't mean that he could just steal what was mine! He didn't even care about her! All he ever did was yell at her! I loved her! What more did she want from me? What didn't I give?
She's my mate! Inuyasha's smug voice echoed in his memories. Fucking bastard.
Mine! She was mine! He'll never care about her like I do! He doesn't understand! No one does! I thought that she did, but then…Kouga growled again at the painful memories.
Kouga, I was never really yours to begin with, was I? Kagome's voice had been so calm and clear when she spoke the words that had brought his world crashing down around him. She didn't understand him. She didn't really care. No one did, and no one ever could.
I must have been an idiot, acting all worried about whether some damn human loved him or me. It doesn't really matter. I don't care. Kouga tried to convince himself, but he felt his anger wash away in a wave of sadness. What were all these feelings? How could a weak little human girl hurt him so much without even touching him? Fucking love. Nothing but a pain in the ass. Nothing good ever comes from that shit.
"I'll never do that again." He muttered, slowing to a stop as the anger that fueled him faded. He finally took a moment to note his surroundings. Where the hell am I? That was fucking stupid. Now I'm gonna have to follow my trail all the way back. What a waste of energy. I didn't even get to kill something.
Suddenly, Kouga caught a scent. His entire body stiffened in shock. "What the…Naraku?" Kouga gasped. It can't be that fucking crazy monkey shit-face. He's dead, isn't he? Kouga paused, sniffing the air carefully, following the scent as it grew closer. It was fresh, and he could see someone's footprints in the forest floor. He bent down, sniffing at the disturbed earth. "Picking some mushrooms, huh? Makin' a stew, you fucking baboon?" Kouga chuckled at his own humor. It was definitely Naraku's scent. A bit different, but still, who else could smell like that? "Fucking dog turd couldn't do anything right, looks like. Gonna have ta finish the job for him." Kouga muttered as he entered a small clearing. There was a path, worn, but obviously not used by more than one or two people. Only smells like one person to me. Kouga smirked at the idea of getting to kill something after all. As he walked further down the path, he spotted a tiny hut. It was shoddily constructed, and Kouga could tell right away that whoever had made it really had no idea what they were doing. "What a fucking loser." He chuckled quietly, walking softly as he closed in on the hut. The scent was all around him now, and he could tell more than ever that it was somehow different than Naraku. Doesn't matter though. It's gotta be him. He fuckin' stinks.
Kouga crept up to the hut silently before entering it cautiously. "You in here, ya bastard?" Kouga noticed that the hut seemed empty. What the hell? Where'd he go? Just then, he heard a rustling of cloth, but before he could turn around, something smashed into his head so sharply that he fell over, his eyes closing as the world around him went black. Just as his consciousness ebbed away, he thought he glimpsed two red eyes staring down at him. "Shit…"
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"How do these things happen to me?" Kagura pouted at the unconscious intruder. "You'd think I wouldn't have to worry about thieves, living in the middle of nowhere like this, but of course not. You know, it's not my fault that I was borne from a total fucking asshole. Must I forever pay for it?" Rolling her eyes, the woman crossed her arms, picking a bit of debris off of her sleeve left from lifting the huge piece of wood she'd used to knock out her unwanted guest. She bent down to roll him over so she could get a better look at his face. "Look at how pathetic I've become now. Talking to strange, unconscious youkai in the middle of…wait a second…who is this?" Kagura narrowed her eyes at the vaguely familiar face. "I could swear I've seen you before somewhere…hmm…oh well, it doesn't matter. Any youkai reduced to being a thief is no threat to me." She rolled her eyes, realizing she was still speaking to the unconscious form. "Gods, I need to get a pet or something. This is worse than when I'd talk to Kanna all day. She didn't say anything, but at least she was conscious…I think." Kagura smiled thoughtfully.
"Now…what to do with you?" Kagura tapped a fingernail against her red lips momentarily, looking inside her hut as if it held the answer. "Perhaps I should simply kill you for trying to steal from me…but no, that would be too simple, wouldn't it?" she didn't wait for the man to answer, but she did pause to think. "Maybe you would like to be my servant? I could do with a little pampering after all I've been through, you know." She paused again, leaning down again to look at the youkai closer. "Hmm…you look strong enough. I could have you fix my roof. I'm just not built for menial labor, you see. But you, my little wolf man…" she smirked, poking his tail with a slender finger. "You'd make a nice servant, I think. Easy on the eyes, as well. I can't complain about the little extras, now can I?" She trailed a finger over his jawbone lightly, still seizing him up. "Now then…where shall you sleep?" Kagura stepped over the wolf youkai to enter her hut, looking around at the dismal interior. She scrunched her face up in disgust as if seeing it all for the first time.
"Oh, don't look at me like that. I know it's not a palace or anything, but it's the best I could do." She defensively told the heap of flesh lying in her doorway. "I mean, it's not like I'm a master builder or anything. You'll help straighten things up though, won't you my little wolf man? That's what you're here for; I can feel it. Finally, I have atoned for my sins and the gods have forgiven me! They've sent me a handsome young youkai to help make life easier for me! That must be it." She looked at her futon and tried to imagine where she could fit another one. "Hmm…I don't know where I'll put you, wolf man. I may have to just leave you sleeping in the doorway. Or you could always build me a nicer house and then keep this place for yourself. That's fair, ne?" She paused, silence thick in the air. "I'm sorry that I'm talking so much. Usually I'm not like this, but you must understand, I haven't had a chance to speak to someone in a long time now! My life has been very burdensome, but I have prevailed."
"Nnngghhh." The wolf youkai in her doorway rolled over, his face in the dirt.
"Waking up already then?" Kagura's eyes widened in surprise. She ran a hand through the long black hair draped over her shoulder, placing it behind her carefully and patting it down. She wore it down these days, tied loosely in the back with a bit of red ribbon, her feathers waiting there if she needed them. "Hmm, surprising. You didn't seem all that resilient to me…"
"Dammit…what the hell…" he stood shakily, his hand covering his eyes as he rose. "Where am I?"
"So you're up then?" Kagura pulled the fan out of her obi and held it still folded in her hand. Hopefully she wouldn't have to use it in her hut. It wasn't well built, but she'd rather not become homeless again. "How was your nap, wolf man?"
"Who…do I know you?" he stepped forward, bright blue eyes narrowing at her suspiciously. "You look…familiar."
"I was thinking the same of you, wolf man, but it must be your imagination." She smiled winningly. "Are you going to let me outside then? Or were you planning on blocking my door all day."
"I…uh, sure." Kouga was still disoriented as he let the woman move past him. What had happened? How had he ended up lying in front of some shabby little hut in the middle of the forest? He remembered running until he didn't recognize his location, and then…then he had smelled Naraku! That was it! Naraku must have hit him! Then where was he now? And what the hell was this weak looking little woman doing here? Naraku's smell was still thick in the air. It was almost as though…could she be his mate? Now that he looked at her, the pointed ears told him right away she was youkai. So perhaps she wasn't as helpless as she looked. But then…did she know who he was? "Do you…do you know who I am?"
What an idiot! Kagura had to hide a grin. He's looking around like someone's going to pop out of the trees any second. Obviously he doesn't think I'm the one who hit him. Hmm…maybe I should play this out and see how it goes. Making her eyes as widely innocent as possibly, Kagura frowned as though thinking. "Not at all. Should I?"
"No…I was just wondering." Kouga shook his head. What an idiot. Listen to that voice. No wonder she's Naraku's mate. Too stupid to see what a freak he is. "Then…you didn't see who hit me?"
"No. I was in the woods, looking for the mushrooms I had gathered earlier. I'd forgotten all about them! Silly me." Kagura affected a vacant smile and pointed at the little basket full of mushrooms a short distance from the hut where she'd left it after spotting her intruder. "So I came back here and you were just lying in front of door like you were sound asleep. What happened?" she blinked her bright red eyes, looking as innocent as possible.
"I…don't really know." At least that was the truth. But he had a damn good idea. Something about this woman was so familiar, he just couldn't place his finger on it. Who is she? I know I've seen her before somewhere…she's so familiar. "So then, do you live here by yourself?" he asked, hoping to get some information on where Naraku was from her. Dog turd will be so pissed when he finds out that piece of shit didn't die.
"Yes." Kagura answered. It wasn't a lie, at least. But she sensed immediately that she'd made some tactical error. The wolf youkai's blue eyes went wide in surprise.
"You mean…you don't have someone…a mate or a brother perhaps?" he asked, feeling extremely confused and a bit embarrassed. Damn, I sound like I'm interested in her!
"Oh…uh, no?" she looked a bit confused herself. What was going on? "Why do you ask?"
"Come here a second." Kouga commanded. The woman nodded slightly, coming toward him after a moment of deliberation. "Are you sure we haven't met? I could swear I've seen you before somewhere, I just can't think of where."
"No, never met." Kagura answered, but she was thinking the same thing. She had a sudden flash of memory as his eyes narrowed while he sniffed the air around her. A wolf tribe…she'd killed them all and then told this one that it was Inuyasha. That's right! How could she forget? She had fought with him more than once, but then…her memory had been a little fuzzy ever since Naraku died. The time when she served him seemed almost like something she was remembering from a previous life, not something she had been doing only a few years ago. She hadn't questioned it since she didn't really want to remember her time with Naraku. It gave her a chance to start over on her own. But this guy…he was bringing back the past she'd tried so hard to escape from. If he figured out who she was, he'd want her dead, no doubt of that. Kagura felt a twinge of something from the past. She'd felt very little respect for Kouga, it seemed. Yes, Kouga…that was his name. She'd thought he was a waste of time. How different she'd been. Now, she was so alone all the time…she couldn't help but wish that he'd want to talk to her, to spend just a little longer here with her. Pretty pathetic, Kagura. But it was the truth. Suddenly her heart beat erratically as he leaned forward, careless of her personal space as he sniffed her hair and then her neck. She could feel his warm breath against her skin. She doubted she'd ever felt this close to someone. Look at how I've become, so excited to have a weird wolf man sniff me! What's wrong with me?
"Naraku." He muttered, but she caught it. His voice was full of hate, and she felt her stomach sink in dread. "You reek of it. But it's different somehow. Familiar. I know I've seen you before, wench! Who are you?" he demanded, leaning forward.
"I…I swear, I don't know you! I've never met you—ow!" Kagura yelped as he snatched up her right hand in his own clawed grip. He was squeezing her arm so tight she was sure there'd be bruises. He pulled at her arm, but she resisted.
"What's that in your hand?" He asked, still forceful as before.
The fan. I fought with this back then too. Shit. He'll know if he sees it, I just know. He'll know, and I don't want him too! Kagura fought against him as hard as she could, but he won, pulling up her hand and taking the fan away, dropping her arm at the same moment. She rubbed at it, worrying that he'd know who she was when he saw her trademark fan. "It's just…just my fan." She gulped nervously. What do you care if he sees it? He's just a low class youkai. You don't need him. You don't even know him.
I may never know him if he finds out. He'll hate me. I'm not the same as I was back then! I'm different! Kagura thought fiercely, her chin lifting defiantly. Kouga snapped open the fan and looked at it, his eyes going wide. "Where'd you get this?" he growled, flinging it aside as though it were disgusting. He turned back to face her, blue eyes burning with anger.
"I…I found it. It's just…just a fan." She explained, her red eyes going wide with sudden fright. I don't have my fan…if I can't get away, he'll just maul me. I'm done, he's gonna kill me, I know it!
"You're lying." He hissed, his voice cold. Kagura's face fell. "Kagura." The word was laden with more hate than even Naraku's had been.
"I'm not…" she backed up, eyeing her fan where it lay useless behind Kouga.
"You're lying!" He yelled, his face red with rage. "Dammit, I know you're lying! Stop it!"
"But I'm not—" Kagura reached back toward her feathers, her hands shaking, but she was cut off as he grabbed both her shoulders, shaking her.
"I found you, you fucking bitch! You aren't escaping me now!" Kouga snarled. "I know your fucking tricks and they ain't working this time!" Kagura didn't know what to do. She was overwhelmed with emotions. Fear that he would kill her. Remorse for what she had done. Sadness that he would never be her friend. Regret that she'd die without anyone who cared about her or wanted her around. And without meaning to or wanting to, Kagura began to cry, right there, her tears flowing down porcelain cheeks, her face twisting in self-pity. She hated showing such weakness, but did it really matter now. She was about to die. But for some reason, her tears stopped Kouga, and he was staring at her almost as though he was in a panic. She didn't care what was stopping him, she was too caught up in the flood of emotions.
"I didn't want to be born this way! It's not my choice, and it's not who I am!" Kagura protested. "Just do it then!" she urged Kouga, who was looking paler by the moment. "If you want to, just kill me! Go ahead! It's not like I don't deserve it! Now's your chance, so get it over with!" Kouga cringed at her words and her tears, pulling away from her and turning to leave.
"Don't ever let me see you again." He spoke softly. "If I see you…I'll kill you."
"But…why didn't you do it?" she wanted to know. "I was helpless!"
"Exactly." And with that, Kouga ran away, with Kagura behind him to puzzle all this out.
*****
The End! (Of Part 1 That Is)