Okay, since my intros never have anything to do with anything, I'll continue that grand tradition of blabbing on about worthless crap. Oh! But first, I don't know if she's reading this, but Inuyasha-Loves-Kagome (who I've allowed to write her OWN sequel to TFLG) dedicated a chapter of one of her stories to me! It wasn't just to me or anything, and it isn't like Jade and I don't dedicate stuff to each other all the time, but the fact that we've never met, and the context…that she admired me and all that…wow, you know, I felt soooo special! I did this happy dance and everything, and the irony was that I didn't discover this for myself. Agent Kodama and Agent Willow and I were dining on delicious pizza and breadsticks, teasing Agent Willow for having Disney songs in French (okay, "Can you feel the love tonight" in FRENCH? Hmmm….) when Agent Kodama remembered reading a dedication to me and Agent Willow remembered reading that story as well, so they find it, and I did my dance and yeah…okay, this is going nowhere. Anyway! There are three points to this story! One: When someone you don't know dedicates a story or a chapter in part to you, you feel sooo special! Two: No matter how hungry I think I am, I can't eat an entire meat pizza when I'm…you know…having woman problems…yeah. But otherwise I'm sure I'd have had no problem. And Three: I will show you, Agent Willow! I will find Japanese Disney songs! And then you will cower under the power of all my anime/Disney Japanese songs! Oh, and even though it has nothing to do with that, Four: Incubus guy is soooo hot, but if I had to pick between him and Elijah Wood, it would still be Elijah all the way! Oh…his pretty pretty eyes. Only for Elijah do I steal magazines from the house. Oh! And also, Five: Agent Kodama reads many stories but rarely reviews. She's baaaaaaad. I get on her case, but she's apparently "scared" to review. Okay, yeah, or lazy. And Six: 33 days, 7 hours, and 25 minutes Jade! Woohoo! Oh! And Seven, this one's ONLY for Agent Chousoku as she's the only one who can fully appreciate it: March 21st is the Ba'hai New Year! I knew someone would see that a calendar should be based around me! Remember triple leap years? Oh baby, they know where it's at! Eight: If I have to reset my diabolical computer clock one more time I'll probably have a panic attack as I arrive late to yet another class! Nine: When one spends an hour talking to their Japanese professor instead of eating lunch, Grape Nuts makes a sufficient substitute for real food. And my Tenth and Final point is: The Day of Disillusionment draws nigh! No one named Tom can escape my power! I will giggle like Nanami!
Now for things that are actually relevant to the story: Madeleine, I shake my head at you as though I were Agent Kodama. I didn't remember to tell you in the last chapter, but yes, Kagura has a convenient spring near her house. Do you remember when Kouga burned himself? Where did they go? Come on, I know you can remember if you try! You're so cute. You always miss things, and then ask about them later when you get confused. *Sigh*. And Kaerra, that is a good point indeed. Why is Kagura suddenly distancing herself? Is she sick of his stupid male ways? Much like me, is she experiencing feminine problems? No and no. Sadly, the idea here is that Kagura doesn't mean to be distancing herself from Kouga. That's not her intention, but she simply doesn't see that how she's acting could be confusing the poor guy. Imagine that instead of a crow, Yachou here is like…well, a cat or something along those lines. It's not much of a stretch. Now, we all know that when you are lonesome and you have a craving for companionship and someone who depends on you, a pet is one of the best solutions to this problem. (I love my snails!) Okay, so we see why Kagura would want Yachou, that's not hard. Now, realize that she's grown so convinced over those three weeks or so of having the injured crow, that Yachou needs her. Not even in the way that she needs Kouga, but more so. Yachou is injured and can't fend for himself. So she treats him almost as though he's a child or something. Mothers, especially new mothers who have had a hard time in the past with craving that feeling of being needed sometimes feel as though they are the only person in the whole world who can take care of their child…okay, who am I kidding? Though they don't want to admit it, I have a sneaking suspicion most mothers feel this way to some degree. So of course, that just makes the bond stronger. Kouga needs Kagura, but in no way can he compete with the dependence displayed by Yachou. Also, Kouga's too stupid to admit that he needs her. Damn men. So yeah. It's not that she's trying to ignore him. She's just so caught up in taking care of her precious bird that she forgets that Kouga needs attention to. Maybe if he broke his wing…er, arm…hmm…
*****
Love To Hate You
Part 5
*****
You do something to me
That I can't explain
So would I be out of line
If I said I miss you
I see your picture
I smell your skin
On the empty pillow next to mine
You have only been gone ten days
But already I'm wasting away
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon
But I need you to know
That I care and I miss you
-Incubus I Miss You
"Look at you!" Kagura squealed happily as Yachou hopped off of her shoulder and over to Kouga, eyeing the wolf youkai in what seemed a very doubtful manner to Kouga. Somehow, he knew if he said as much, Kagura would ignore him. It had been four months since Yachou and him had met, and Kouga didn't like that damn bird any more now than he did then. "Oh, Kouga, look! He likes you! See, I told you he wasn't…" Kagura trailed off as Yachou proceeded to hop onto Kouga's leg, only to grab the largest chunk of meat off of his plate and fly back to the safety of Kagura's shoulder.
"Fuck!" Kouga growled as Kagura tried not to giggle. "Damn bird steals my dinner and you encourage it!"
"His name is Yachou." Kagura's back stiffened indignantly. "And he was just playing with you." Kagura absently scratched the smug crow's throat.
"No way! He's not getting away with it this time! That damn bird…he's got it out for me! Since I first saw him!" Kouga argued, slamming down his plate. Kagura's eyes flamed angrily at his accusations.
"Yachou gave you every chance!" she hissed at him. "Even after you called him your 'dinner!' And then you can't say one nice thing about him! What do you expect him to think?"
"That fucking bird can't tell what the hell I'm talking about!" Kouga growled, "I wish he could! I'd tell him just what I think of his damn tricks…"
"Yachou's a lot smarter than you'd think!" Kagura defended her pet. Yachou squawked and flew out the door in agitation. Kagura turned an angry glare on Kouga. "See? You hurt his feelings! Are you happy now?"
"Fucking bird doesn't care about anything!" Kouga shot back.
"He cares about me. He knows that I'm not bad. Yachou doesn't like you though! What could that mean?" she raised her eyebrows expectantly.
"That damn bird doesn't give a fuck about you! It only sticks around to piss me off!" Kouga crossed his arms. "Miserable bastard."
"Kouga!" she screamed, stomping her foot down and squeezing her eyes shut. When she opened them again, Kouga noticed in alarm that she seemed to be near tears. And when she spoke, it was in a soft, emotional tone. "The reason I stay here by myself is because…well, anyone who met me and knew me, knew what I did, they'd want to kill me. You've proven that yourself. But Yachou, he is smart. I can tell he understands when I'm lonely or when I'm tired or upset. And he always tries to cheer me up. He cares about me. He could care less about my past. I'll never meet someone who can really see past what I was like that, so to me…to me, Yachou is that thing I've been searching for. He accepts me and loves me, no matter what I do. He makes me a better person."
"Kagura…" Kouga spoke up after a long pause. He stepped toward her, but she backed away, and he dropped the arms he'd reached forward. "Kagura, you don't need some crow to tell you that you're not that Kagura from before. I could have told you that. I have told you that."
"It's different when you say it." She crossed her arms stubbornly. "You don't mean it."
"Why would you say that?" Kouga growled, angry that she thought he'd lie to her.
"When you look at me, what do you see?" she asked. "Do you see someone who served Naraku? Do you see your old enemy, the woman you swore you'd kill? Do you see her?"
"You changed though!" Kouga told her. "That's not who you are!"
"That's not what I asked." Kagura stopped him. "Do you see her? I don't care if she's dead or not. Look at me. Do you see her?"
"I…" Kouga didn't know what to say to that. "But…that's not all I see."
"You see it though, don't you?" Kagura demanded.
"Yes, but—" he began, but she shook her head, not listening to him.
"All the time, no matter how I've changed, every day of my life, whenever you see me, that's what you see." Kagura told him, her voice sad and distant. "Yachou doesn't see that. He never has and he never will."
"I…see." Kouga suddenly realized something. Kagura didn't need him anymore. She hadn't needed him for months now. And yet…he continued to visit her. Why? Because somehow…I've come to need her instead. He realized, how'd I end up here? When did I start to need her near me? Kouga tried to think of the moment, but he couldn't pick it out.
"I don't hate you for that, Kouga." She told him softly, seeing the pain on his face. She had been angry, but she didn't mean to hurt him. "I'm just…I just want you to see…"
"That you don't need me anymore." Kouga finished for her in a resigned voice. "I understand." He sighed heavily and turned toward the door. She didn't stop him at first, but as he continued out and toward the forest, Kagura ran after him.
"Kouga!" she called. "Why…why are you leaving? Did I make you angry?" she asked, grabbing at his arm desperately.
"No." he told her. "No you didn't." he offered her a small smile.
"But…you always spend the night…" she looked up at him unsurely.
"I'm…just…I've been very busy." He lied. "I have to get back right away."
"Oh…that's okay." She didn't lessen her grip from his arm though. "And…you…you'll be back?" she prompted him to say the words he'd said every time he left her.
"I…I have to go." He told her, pulling his arm away almost roughly before running away, disappearing from sight as he moved at full speed back to his home.
"But…" she began, but she didn't know what to say. He was right, wasn't he? She didn't need him anymore. He had every right to leave. He didn't owe her anything, and he never had. But somehow she felt like she'd just lost something very dear to her. And then she knew it. She knew what her heart had only suspected. She gasped and turned to Yachou, who had just landed on her shoulder.
"Yachou…what have I done?" she asked him, her voice whisper soft. "I drove him away…didn't I?"
Yachou only squawked, but she was certain she could see her guilt and remorse reflected in his quick black eyes. She knew for sure that he realized what she was feeling. He always did.
"I loved him…and I was too stupid to know that." She told the bird, who made an odd noise, obviously in an attempt to comfort her. But somehow, this creature she'd come to rely on didn't have what she needed right now. "I need him. He thinks I don't…and he left. I let him go." She felt tears well up, and she let them flow as she shakily turned to re-enter her hut. But somehow, that only made the ache worse. He was everywhere she looked, eating the food she'd left out, sitting next to the fire, talking and laughing. And he was in the bed, the bed they'd shared more than once. "No wonder I liked it so much." She sighed, running a hand over the frayed blanket. "Who wouldn't want to love someone, and have that someone hold them through the night?" at this, she began to sob outright, falling to the bed as Yachou flew away, squawking in alarmed concern. "Kouga…please don't leave me now…" she cried in her arms, falling asleep there as darkness fell outside.
----------
It had been nearly five months since Kagura had last seen Kouga. After he had left without promising to return, she'd stayed inside for most of two weeks, living off the small bits that Yachou gathered and brought to her, berries and nuts and the like. But winter would come soon enough, and staying inside wouldn't help feed her or Yachou through the winter. She wished she only knew where Kouga lived. She could tell what general direction he started in, but after going up the trail a bit, she had no clue as to which way he went. Even though her sense of smell and sight were stronger than that of a human, she'd never been anything of a tracker. She couldn't very well make out his weeks-old trail. But that didn't make it easier for her to accept that he was gone now. She'd tried to get him back, but it had really been too little too late. And so she had no choice but to place all her affections in the bird she'd come to know as her only friend, her only company.
The winter came, mildly and without so much as a killing frost for a strangely long amount of time. But Kagura noticed that Yachou seemed extremely subdued as the weeks went on, without the cold season making itself known. It wasn't long before she felt an uneasy sense that something was coming, a storm that would put her poor hut to the test and probably find it lacking. When she realized this, Kagura felt a brief hope that perhaps…perhaps Kouga would worry and come for her. She smashed it quickly, but then again, instead of trying to find some more stable shelter, she spent her days storing food and trying her best to add clumsy additions to the lacking protection her home offered. And so, distracted from the pain in her heart by the work ahead, Kagura spent her days and nights this way. She even began to think that, even though it hurt, with her pet Kagura might really not need Kouga. Hope shone dimly in her heart that wounds of the past would be healed once more.
Until the morning she woke up to find Yachou missing.
*****
The End (Of Part 5, That Is)