I'm back again! Yes, after failing to find Disney music in Japanese, I figured, "Hey, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em." And then I found a whole bunch of French Disney songs and became Agent Willow's supplier. Yes, and so, in a way, I did win, as she now like…owes me or something. Yeah. Now lemme just write since this is going nowhere. And then I'm going to South Africa. Umm…that was an inside joke, so if you don't get it, don't worry.
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Love To Hate You
Part 6
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I wish that I could find a way
To smash my fist right through these walls
Of ugliness
And emptiness
And gently touch your face
But every time that I touch you
It feels so far away
And every time that you need me
I feel so far away
I see you silently beside me
Choking back your tears
I wonder if you recognize
The silence there that defines us
Silverchair So Far Away
Yachou was definitely missing.
When Kagura woke up and saw that he was gone, she assumed that he'd simply gone off for a short while. He did that often enough, even though he usually waited until morning to wander off. But then, after a few hours passed by, she began to worry. True, Yachou didn't spend every waking moment with her, but even when he flew off by himself, he was never gone for longer than an hour or two.
He's perfectly fine by himself. Kagura sighed and closed her eyes to calm herself, but somehow this didn't calm her anxiety. Instead, she felt a sudden fluttering of extreme nerves flood over her. He's fine! What am I so worried about? It isn't like he always had me to rely on…he'll be just fine by himself. Kagura suddenly felt a pull on her chest. What if he didn't really need her anymore? What if Yachou became tired of her and simply left, much as Kouga had? I don't know if I can take it…being so alone again. I try to be strong, and yet…when it comes down to it, I'm just afraid that I'll end up all alone, just as I started out.
I don't want to be alone again. She sighed sadly, and then heard Kouga's voice in her mind. You won't be. I promise. Dropping the thatch she had just finished shredding, Kagura sat down roughly in the middle of the clearing. She didn't mean to sit so suddenly, but hearing his voice…hearing his promise. It was the last straw for Kagura. She curled up there, in the still green grass, and began crying, bemoaning all her troubles and worries.
She didn't hear the other person approaching until it was too late.
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Kouga ground his teeth irritably as he watched his clan fighting over the newest group kill. They shouldn't be so concerned with eating it all anyway. They're stupid, thinking that there's just not gonna be a winter. Can't they smell that weather waiting? They should be storing food…cause that storm's gonna be something when it comes. Snorting derisively, he considered ordering them to stock the food stores, but somehow…he just didn't care. It seemed hard to care about much of anything after what happened between him and Kagura.
It was close. If I would'a stayed there much longer…might've fucking started to care about her or some shit, Kouga pouted stubbornly. Something inside him nagged that it had already been too late, that he was worried about her right now, worried that her shabby hut would never withstand the coming storm. Worried that she still needed him, even though… She didn't stop me from leaving. She wanted me gone.
"Kouga?" Sanka had snuck up next to the wolf prince, and the fact that Kouga hadn't noticed irritated him as much as the fact that Sanka was interrupting his thoughts.
"What?" Kouga growled irritably.
"Um…I was just…I just realized…you know, that there's a storm coming…and so…and so…" Sanka looked terrified as Kouga glared viciously at him.
"What?!" Kouga roared, standing up, as half the tribe came to a halt or stopped arguing immediately. The other half followed suit about ten seconds later.
"I just thought…we should…store food…if maybe…the storm…I gotta go!" Sanka bolted out of the cave as though he thought Kouga was going to chase him down. Kouga snarled and crossed his arms. He noticed that the other wolves were still staring at him.
"Whaddaya want?" he snarled, storming out of the cave. He needed to get away. And now.
He didn't realize where he was headed until he was jumping into the clearing. Immediately feeling foolish, Kouga turned to leave. He didn't want Kagura to think that he needed her…not even if he did. But then something caught his attention. Just after he left the clearing, Kagura came around the front of the house, holding some thatch she had obviously spent some time preparing to put on her roof. Nice to see she's not as stupid as my fucking tribe. He snorted, but then he realized that she looked very anxious. Hey…where's that damn bird of hers at? What's her problem…Is she gonna…oh gods no. But nothing he could think would stop her from falling down and crying all over herself.
Dammit…I guess…that bird's not here…maybe she…needs me? His thoughts were almost hopeful as he stepped back into the clearing hesitantly. Surely she would sense him, and he'd lose his courage if he was faced with those eyes of hers. But somehow…he had his hopes, though they were selfish, that the reason she was crying was because she missed him. Perhaps…perhaps he had been wrong. He would apologize to her, then it would be just like it used to be.
He knelt down next to her, touching her back hesitantly, only causing her to sob louder. "Kagura?" he asked hesitantly. She shot up, shock making her blotchy, tear-streaked face go pale.
"It's you." She finally managed to speak as she hiccupped.
"I'm…" Kouga didn't know whether or not to hug her, so he just stayed as he was.
"Kouga!" she flung forward into his arms, crying again. He patted her hair, glad she had missed him, after all. "Yachou…he's missing! You have to help me look for him."
A low, irritated growl rose unbidden in Kouga's throat. Again with that damn bird! But she was looking at him, her red eyes wet, her whole face sad. Even though she hadn't missed him, it seemed that she needed him now. And no matter how much it bruised his ego that she missed that damn bird and not him, he couldn't just say no, could he? "Kagura…he's probably not really missing. Probably just off somewhere…somewhere birds go." He attempted lamely.
"He's been gone too long!" Kagura's eyes lit up suddenly. She stood, pulling away from him. "We can fly, come on!" and she snatched his hand in hers at the same moment she pulled a feather from her hair, leaping as it grew and pulling Kouga up on it with her. They flew up high, into the ominously dark sky packed with clouds. At first, Kouga didn't think much of the clouds. It had been cloudy for some weeks now. But it was a lot colder than usual. And the wind…it was very strong. He could see how hard Kagura was concentrating on controlling them. Kouga looked about him anxiously but then felt a cold drop on his hand. Snow. It must have just started. There were only a few flakes in the sky. In fact, Kouga wondered if Kagura could even recognize it as snow. Such weather was rare here, but he lived in the mountains, and he'd been alive much longer than her. The wind was getting stronger as well. He scooted forward, afraid that Kagura might be swept off of the huge flying feather.
"Dammit," he heard her mutter. "Where the hell is this?"
"What? We're lost?" He asked before even thinking about it.
"It's this damn wind…I can only control it so well. It's everywhere!" Kagura snapped, more at the weather than at him.
"It's snowing too, you see it?" Kouga didn't know if she'd understand what that meant, so he told her. "We can't stay up here. You'll get killed. That damn storm…it's here."
She didn't say anything, except for some muttered curses he couldn't quite make out over the sound of the wind, but after a few moments, she took them down in a large meadow. "Do you…do you know this place?" Kouga lifted his head, trying to catch some familiar scent on the wind that was still rushing around them even though they'd left the sky.
"No." he sighed wearily. "Looks like we're lost too." He offered her a short, humorless laugh as they watched the snow coming down in huge chunks. The wind was beating cold bits against their skin, and Kouga noticed that Kagura was shivering.
"This…this must be what happened to Yachou." She rubbed her cold arms before nodding. "We've got to keep looking for him! He could die in this cold. And if the storm gets worse…" She sounded so upset that Kouga didn't stop her, following behind the determined woman as the snow came down thicker and thicker.
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"Dammit, it's fucking cold out here." Kouga grumbled. "If I knew I'd be wandering all over the damn place in a snow storm, I would'a worn my winter coats." Kagura ignored him as they trudged through what must have been a foot of snow at the least. She hadn't said anything about the cold, but he'd been complaining off and on for an hour. "Oi, Kagura." He said roughly. She glanced at him to show she could hear him. "You must be pretty damn cold in that little skimpy kimono."
"Ha! My clothes? Skimpy? You're one to talk!" she indicated the pelt wrapped around his waist. Kouga growled angrily at her and was about to offer some biting remark when she stumbled slightly. He caught her before she could fall, and indeed she was very cold.
"Damn! You're freezing!" Kouga exclaimed.
"Thanks for the obvious." Kagura glared at him, her voice shaking slightly with the cold. "Now let go of my arm." She pulled from his grasp and continued to trudge aimlessly through the snow. He snorted angrily and followed her.
"What the hell are we walking through this shit for?" he complained. "If you pass out dead in the snow, I'm not gonna save you."
"If I'm dead, it's a little late, isn't it?" Kagura shot back. "Really, you're such an idiot sometimes, Kouga."
"I'm not the one following a fucking bird through the snow!" he growled at her.
"Aren't you?" Kagura raised an eyebrow as she turned to look at him before continuing on.
"You're…that's different." Kouga told her. "I'm just making sure you don't get yourself killed. You…you're not strong enough to handle this storm."
"I'm fine!" a slight wavering belied her claim. Kouga and her walked on quietly for some time.
"Look, we can't see a damn thing in this snow anyway!" he began his argument again, but he was cut off when Kagura stumbled again, really falling in the snow this time. "Shit!" Kouga growled at himself as he picked up her limp form. "I told her it was too damn cold." Grumbling slightly, Kouga gathered her in his arms and headed back toward where he thought he'd seen some possible shelter.
It took him some time to get there, as the snow was much deeper now. He made a face as he looked at the hole in a rock wall that was about two feet above the snow line. He couldn't see the back of it, but even though it looked so narrow that Kagura and him wouldn't have any room, he figured it was better than standing in the middle of the snow. Moving her still unresisting form to his back and holding her with his tail, Kouga climbed up and into the hole, scooting along on his stomach so that Kagura didn't get hit in the head with the rock ceiling's protrusions. He hissed at his own stupidity as a particularly sharp rock sliced into his thigh. It wasn't too bad of an injury, though. He was covered in scrapes and scratches and bleeding wounds like that one when the tunnel began to widen, so much so that he could continue at a crawl. By the end, he was able to stand up in the small cavern that marked the end of the tunnel.
He looked down at Kagura's blue skin and then looked around for something to start a fire with. Unsurprisingly, the cave didn't have any such thing to offer. If I changed into my wolf form, I could keep her warm… he considered, but the cave was far too small for his youkai form. What do I do? She's too weak…she'll die if I can't warm her up. Kouga looked around desperately for an answer, but he knew he was the only thing here that wasn't a rock or a stinking…wait, what was that smell? Something…dead? Kouga moved cautiously forward until he found the source of the smell, an old, half rotted human corpse. Disgusting thing. Must be at least half a year old. Then he noticed something else. This dead person…they were clutching onto a small supply bag. Kouga smirked slightly and pulled it out of the cold fingers. He rummaged through the useless human junk until he found what he'd hoped for. A blanket. Not a very good-sized one, and it didn't look very warm to Kouga, but it would have to do. He moved to the other side of the cave and laid Kagura down carefully on the dirt floor. He wondered vaguely whether the man had been living here, but he doubted it. Too bad he didn't. Might've left me some firewood. Kouga carefully wrapped Kagura in the blanket, listening for a few moments to reassure himself with the sound of her heart, still beating strongly.
"Now to get rid of you." Kouga made a face at the corpse, but he didn't want Kagura to have to see it when she woke up. He grabbed it a lot more roughly than he'd handled the youkai woman and hurriedly made his way back down the tunnel, not caring whether it hit it's head on the rock ceiling. He's dead, anyway. Can't hurt him now. Kouga shook his head distastefully at the human before dumping it into the snow, which was ever deeper than before. Before he turned though, he felt a twinge of guilt. Maybe…I should cover it up…not like I'm burying the guy, but he could attract animals with that stink. Kouga justified as he carried the man a short distance before hurriedly digging a shallow grave and dumping him inside, covering it up with snow numbed hands. Then he went back to the cave.
"Shit, Kagura." He groaned as he saw that she was just as cold as she was when he left. "Fucking weak woman." Kouga then shivered himself, realizing that the cold was intensified by the fact that both of them were in soaking wet clothes. Growling at his own stupidity, Kouga hurriedly threw his clothes away, tossing them all in a stack before reaching forward to do the same with Kagura. She was completely unconscious, so he didn't worry about her seeing him like this. But that didn't stop the slight blush that rose in his cheeks as he tossed her kimono and under-robes on top of his own clothes. Her face was blue, as were her hands and feet, but the rest of her was pale and smooth and… Stop thinking like that you idiot! Kouga hissed and pulled away from the naked woman as though burned. He stood stubbornly shivering for some time before he glanced back at her. She wasn't under the blanket anymore…and he was cold, they were both cold…but then…if they only had two blankets.
But we don't. And…if I don't do something, we'll both freeze in here. Kouga looked grimly at the blanket, bending to pull it up over her cold body before climbing underneath it himself. Dammit, she's really fucking cold, Kouga hissed as her cold skin touched his. Knowing that he would have to share his heat with her if either of them were to warm up, Kouga hesitantly scooted close to her unmoving form. She's gonna kill me when she wakes up. Fucking woman. Kouga licked his dry lips as he shakily wrapped his arms around her naked form. This is just like before, we've shared a blanket before, this is just like that, nothing's different. He concentrated on those thoughts, ignoring her body pressed to his, borrowing his heat for itself. Just like before…except we're both…and she's… his mind flashed on the image of her body and he shook it out of his head. That doesn't matter. This doesn't mean anything like that…I just…she's cold…she could die! He justified his actions, tightening his arms around her body and gaining solace from the feel of her heartbeat against his chest. Concentrating on warming her up, Kouga moved his hands to rub her arms roughly in an attempt to encourage her warming blood to circulate there.
It wasn't long before they were both steadily warming up, and Kouga let his worried mind relax. He hadn't realized it before, but he was quite tired. All that tromping through the snow, searching for that damn bird… It's probably dead. He snorted slightly, upset that he wasn't pleased with the idea. It wasn't that he liked the obnoxious thing, but the thought of Kagura finding out that it was gone…he didn't want her to suffer, even if it meant she would remember how she had once cared for him and needed him instead of that damn bird…he couldn't bear to see her sad. Why is that? Why should I be so worried about her? He knew now that even though he'd probably not admit it out loud, he'd meant to go searching for Kagura when he'd left the clan today. He worried about her, how she'd survive the storm that had now driven them to this makeshift sanctuary. I was right to worry…she would have died if I hadn't been there to take care of her. Kouga smoothed her hair down, pulling her head against his chest protectively. His heart fluttered, and he somehow felt that lying here, with her in his arms…this was where he belonged. Well…maybe not in this cave…but somehow, I've come to need this…I need her. But why? What was it that Kagura had that held him so fascinated? She wasn't the first youkai woman he'd met…but something…something about her had touched him in a way he thought he'd never be touched again. His mind suddenly flashed on the image of Kagome.
Kagome…the mysterious miko from a different world. Somehow, she had tamed him without trying, without knowing. He had fallen in love with her, even though she was a human. His heart had been to naïve, and he hadn't been guarded against such things. But after what happened…after she chose Inuyasha instead…he felt so worthless, so pained, that he'd closed himself off from that feeling that had once made him lightheaded and warm at the very mention of her name. Kagome had been his first love, and it was a feeling he would never have again. Even so…when he looked at Kagura…there was something so familiar about it. It might not feel the same, but it wasn't a less intense feeling…just different. Yes, he was in love with her, the woman he'd once sworn to kill. I love her…but how did this happen? His brow furrowed in worry. How had she overcome his defenses without his notice? He hadn't fallen in love with her at that moment, it was simply that he hadn't noticed until then. And to think…she once needed me so much…she'd do anything for me. Perhaps then, back before that bird…perhaps she loved me as well? The thought made sense. She had loved him, but as she felt she was such a terrible person, perhaps…perhaps she'd been to scared to say anything. And then…after so long, her love must have died, sure that he didn't feel the same way. I'm so stupid. Why couldn't I have seen this before now? When I could have had her… Kouga sighed in regret, but then his mind went back to the situation they were in. Both of them were quite warm now, but she was still sleeping peacefully in his arms.
The way we're lying…exposed, but together…sharing a blanket as though…as though we're mates. The thought made Kouga smile softly down at her, a touch of sadness in his blue eyes. If it's too late…at least I can have this moment. I can pretend, can't I? To wake up with her….that will be enough. That will have to be enough for me. Still feeling upset about his revelations and how they'd come too late, Kouga bundled Kagura closer to him, enjoying the feel of her in his arms. His eyes closed as he drifted to sleep finally.
To be with her…at least now…that's all I have.
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Kagura felt warm. Very warm, in fact. And safe, she felt safe and warm. And then…that other feeling, surrounding it all…something like…love? Yes, she felt as though she was loved. Something like the feeling she received from Yachou, but very much more intense. It surrounded her, like a warm body of…wait a second. What's that feeling? Is there someone…someone in this bed with me? It was then that she opened her eyes. She couldn't see much, though. She was in a very dark place, and someone was holding her head to their chest so that she couldn't really see anything unless she moved. And for some reason, she didn't really want to move. This chest…it was a man…and he smelled…he smelled very good to her. Familiar and safe. But she realized that something was strange, and much as she enjoyed being held by this person, close and gentle as though she was someone important…someone she could never really be…she couldn't just lay there and accept it. Tilting her head up gently so as not to wake the other person, she looked up at the all too familiar face in sweet repose. Kouga? But how…and when had he…
It took a few moments for her to remember exactly how Kouga had come back, how they had gotten lost in the vicious blizzard, how she had kept searching for Yachou even though she had to deal with Kouga's complaints. She vaguely remembered feeling extremely cold…and tripping? After that, she couldn't remember a thing. She figured that Kouga must have brought her to this little cave afterwards. And…for some reason…stripped down naked? And wait a second…wasn't she also…oh gods! Kagura yelped in shock and attempted to jump away, but her yelp had woken him up, and he kept her down under the blanket even though he was only half awake. When he felt her pull away, he simply wrapped his arms around her more tightly, making a deep noise of protest and nuzzling her hair affectionately.
"Go back ta sleep." He mumbled, kissing the top of her head before bending his neck to rest his cheek against her head. "'S too early."
"What the hell?" Kagura squawked. Did he just kiss her? Who was he dreaming about, she wondered. "Dammit, Kouga, wake up," Kagura hoped that her deep blush would be mistaken for a flush of anger, because her cheeks felt like they were flaming and she knew he'd be able to tell, even though it was dark in this cave. She didn't want him to know that his closeness and the mistaken display of affection were affecting her so strongly. She didn't want him to know that she still loved him and needed him so much that it made her hurt.
"Mmm, Kagura," Kouga, although slightly awake, seemed oblivious to her mortified state. He stroked his hand through her hair a few times before trailing his fingers down her spine and kissing her forehead. "'M still sleepy. Lets just sleep…a little longer." He yawned and lay still again, except for the hand on her back, still lazily trailing up and down her spine in an attempt at relaxing her. It wasn't working very well.
"Kouga…" Kagura gulped. At least before, she could have pretended he was thinking of someone else, but the way he said her name…it made her shiver in delight. He knew it was her, and yet, he sounded so happy to be lying together like this. He seemed so content…and almost as though there couldn't be anything more natural than this. Now that she stopped to appreciate it…this was definitely nice. He had probably done this to warm them both up, but even though it was an embarrassing realization, it had obviously affected both of them much more deeply than that. "Kouga…I need to ask…" Kagura realized that in his state, he might not remember anything she asked. It was the perfect opportunity to confirm his intentions in this situation.
"Ne, Kagura, go to sleep…'s warm." Kouga moved his head to kiss her forehead again. Kagura got a sudden idea, but the very thought of being so forward brought her blush back full force. What the hell…he's half asleep…he'll probably just think it was some weird dream. Gathering her courage, Kagura tilted her head up slightly so that Kouga's lips fell on her own. Too scared to do much else, Kagura just enjoyed the feel of his lips on hers, but he made a soft noise, pressing his mouth against hers roughly, his tongue demanding entrance. She was too shocked to resist, so Kagura let him deepen the kiss, savoring his taste, the way she could smell nothing but him. The way she could see love in his eyes when he looked at her, still a bit groggy. Wanting more, she kissed him again, encouraging him. They broke, but his hands were tight on her body, and suddenly it seemed very warm, pressed against his body. Kouga was now awake, and his body stiffened a bit, nervously. What was going on? Had she just…kissed him? Was it a trick?
"Kouga…" her voice was breathy, and her eyes were half lidded with passion. "I've wanted this…for so long…I've wanted you."
"Am…am I still asleep?" he asked. Kagura smiled warmly at him.
"No, you're awake." She told him, kissing along his jaw line softly. "Why?"
"I just…thought maybe I was dreaming." He admitted, his breath catching as she paused to pay attention to his pointed ear, suckling the lobe lightly.
"Uh-uh…" she told him, "You taste nice." She whispered, causing him to lose control. He wanted this too…and if she wanted to be with him now, he wasn't going to waste this chance. And even if it was a dream, he'd make the most of it. He never wanted to forget the way it was with her, the feel of her flesh, the heat of her lips, the taste of her skin, the smell of her hair…he'd never forget this night.
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The End (Of Part 6 That Is)
What, you thought they'd have super snowstorm sex and suddenly the story'd be over? Feh! I think not! Now, I'd just like you all to know that this chapter came very closed to being named "Operation: Kouga and Kagura are weirdoes who make sweet love in caves" because…well, if you've ever seen Utena, you'd understand the reference there…but yeah…it kinda blew the end. Plus…it was more of a joke that Jade came up with. We discussed the scene where Kagura first wakes up, and we decided that the storm must have still been affecting Kagura's brain, because really, what woman in her right mind would try to escape the clutches of sweet ecstasy (Kouga Cave Lovin')? Yeah, and Jade's comment was "The best part of waking up is naked Kouga in your bed!" Following her example of using slogans in a lurid way, I commented that "There's always room for Kouga sex!" Yeah…and has anyone else noticed that she seems much more concerned with naked Kouga than with her still missing crow? Okay…I know it's mean, but come on…Yachou….or Naked Kouga? It's not a tough decision, come on. Yeah. I need to stop ripping on my own story now. Ja ne!