Me, Myself and Ukyou
Chapter two
A quick note from the REAL author before I let Ukyou take over: For the sake of my own sanity, I'm going to try to limit the first-person narrative to the scenes in which Ukyou is actually present. Other scenes will be in my more-familiar third-person narrative.
Oh hi! Well? How do I look in my wedding Kimono? You know, when I imagined my wedding day, I always saw myself in a western-style wedding dress. I'm not sure why; I guess I'm just not that traditional.
Yes yes, I'm sure we ALL remember the pretending-to-be-a-boy phase. Thank you SO much for bringing that up two days before my frigging wedding! Actually, when I'm not wearing extremely uncomfortable wedding kimonos (it's like a Goddamn oven in here!) I still dress in guy's clothes, but it's only a fashion statement these days, not a disguise. I let my hair loose all the time now, and I stopped binding down my breasts, for which Ranma is most appreciative!
Hey! HEY! Don't go making inappropriate assumptions now! I didn't mean it like that! I'm a virgin, you hear me? Even if we did do a little bit of... Ack! Did I say that aloud? Don't you dare say anything, especially to Nadoka-Okaasan! She's already wondering what sort of wife wears pants all the time. She didn't approve of me at first you know, and there was this really ugly scene between her and Ranchan... maybe I'll tell you about that later, but for now, just promise me you'll keep quiet about what I just let slip!
Good.
Now I won't have to kill you.
On the other side of the wedding hall (so to speak), Ranchan's family is pretty traditional, especially his mother. I don't think Nadoka-okaachan ever imagined her son wearing anything but a groom's yukata to his wedding, not that I mind in the least. I snuck a peak at him a few minutes ago. God is he handsome!
Anyway, yeah, the Japanese-style wedding was a bit of a surprise. Shinto weddings are so much more expensive than Western ones. My family does well, but we've always lived pretty humbly. I only found out recently that one of the more significant reasons we didn't have a bigger TV or a nice car in the driveway, was that Dad has been putting aside a goodly amount of money for many years so that his only daughter could have the wedding of her dreams. Ha! Guess the sweet old guy never really wished he'd had a son after all. Tee hee. That old softy... gotta love him.
Looks like he's going to get his secret wish after all. This is gonna be a great wedding! Guest list is a bit shorter than I'd like though. I suppose I can't blame them, after all that happened. Ranchan and me made a lot of friends in our first year in Nerima. Well... maybe not "friends" exactly, but people friendly enough that would have come to our wedding before things got ugly.
The Tendous don't speak to us; except of course for Kasumi, who loves the both of us dearly, just like she does everybody she's ever met or hasn't. I really wish her father would let her come. The Kunou's hate us too; and the feeling is mutual, I should add. Never even *sent* them invitations and they still made a point of telling us they refused to come. Talk about arrogant! The whole cadre of Chinese Amazons went back to China after the whole fiasco with them finally blew over (I've seen Mousse pissed off before, but the foaming at the mouth was new) and they haven't kept in touch. We felt bad about the way things ended with them, but at the same time, there wasn't a one of them we really wanted to invite, so we didn't.
Ryouga... actually, I think Ryouga eventually forgave Ranchan, and we did send him an invitation (to his house, to the Tendou dojo, to that girl Akari's, and anywhere else we thought he might reasonably expected to stumble across. I was going to send one to Antarctica, but I wasn't sure what the postal code was). Forgiven or not, we don't really expect to see him, more do to 'navigational' reasons than his possibly still holding a grudge. Wouldn't it be funny if he wandered right into the wedding at the last minute?
Huh? Why do all of them hate us so much (give or take a couple)? Oh, that's right! I had to leave off telling you the rest of the story. Well, the dress rehearsal doesn't actually get started for another hour, so I can tell you some more. Where did I leave off?
Oh right. Ranchan snapped, walloped Akane, and only Kasumi and Dr. Tofu managed to keep the rest of the family from ripping into him for it. Good thing too; Ranma was totally overstressed. If Kasumi'd let Mr. Tendou and Nabiki chew him out (which might not have been just an expression in Mr. Tendou's case; I've seen him do that Demon Head thing. Big teeth.) his dark half might take him over and make things even worse.
Actually, I don't like thinking of that second persona as his "dark half". That person is Ranchan too. It's the part of him that was fed up with being abused, insulted and taken advantage of. The only problem is *that* Ranma wasn't limited by honor or morals, and set about getting some payback in ways that Ranchan would never of dared. Still, that doesn't make the second persona *evil*.
Unfortunately, I seemed to be the only one who thought so, including poor Ranchan, who was tearing himself up inside over what he'd done to Akane. I was a little shocked when I saw it happen, but I didn't really think it was quite worth the big deal everyone was making of it. So he slapped her! She deserved it! Okay, maybe that *was* the hardest slap I've ever seen anyone give anybody, leaving the left side of Akane's face swollen up for a little more than a week... and maybe threatening to break her arms if she tried to brain him again was a bit overboard... BUT need I remind you that Akane has done worse to him on both accounts, and more than once?
Maybe the part that scared everybody was that, unlike Akane, Ranchan was more than capable of carrying his threats out. Fine. I can see that, but it didn't make what she did to him all the time ok. Not by a long shot.
***
Next morning Ranma came down the stairs silently, avoiding seeing Akane. Kasumi had assured him that she had talked to Akane last night and explained the whole split-personality thing, as well as the need to keep Ranma from being antagonized, lest his other self take over again.
This didn't mean Ranma felt particularly safe around her yet, for many reasons, not the least of which was for her own safety. Another, more deeply felt reason was that he couldn't bear to look at her swollen face, and know that it was his own hand that had hurt her so.
His efforts were for naught, as Akane came down to breakfast just as he was making his slow and stealthy way down. She stopped at the top of the stairs when she saw him. Filled with dread, he slowly turned around to face her.
"Akane... I'm sorry." He said miserably.
"Don't Ranma. Don't apologize." She said in a remarkably quiet voice.
"Huh? Why not?"
"You've finally shown me your true feelings. I'm sorry things didn't work out, but don't make it worse by faking an apology. Now I know exactly what you think of me. You proved it beyond a doubt yesterday. Our engagement is... is over." She said, her voice trembling.
"But that was-"
"Oh please! You don't really expect me to buy that multiple personality disorder nonsense you had Kasumi feed me last night. I'm not stupid!"
"But it's-" He pleaded. It didn't seem to help.
"SHUT UP RANMA! JUST SHUT UP! YOU'VE MADE IT PERFECTLY CLEAR WHAT YOU THINK OF ME AND MY FEELINGS! LEAVE ME ALONE! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU EVER AGAIN!" She screamed, and then bolted back into her room in tears.
Ranma stood at the bottom of the stairs in shock for several minutes. He never even noticed that Kasumi had arrived behind him at the first moment Akane raised her voice.
"She doesn't believe me..." he whispered to himself in shock. "Even when Kasumi tells her the truth, she doesn't believe me. She never believes me. She never trusts me. She actually thinks I would do something like that. I can't believe her!"
As one line of thought led to another, Ranma slid slowly from shock and hurt into outrage. His other self was crawling up from the depths to avenge this latest and final insult to every aspect of Ranma's character he prided himself in. Another catastrophe that would put yesterday morning's to shame was imminent.
Then, soft warm arms wrapped themselves around his neck. Surprised, he made no resistance as he was gently turned about. Those warm, comforting, and most importantly, forgiving arms encircled him and lay his head on her shoulder.
As his head cleared, Ranma was shocked and horrified to realize exactly how close he had come to turning. Brought to the edge and brought back, he knew without a doubt that he had almost lost control. And with that sick feeling in the pit of his stomach gnawing at him, he wrapped his arms around Kasumi's waist and sobbed into her shoulder. Kasumi softly comforted him with words as she stroked his hair.
This was what it felt like, Ranma was certain. This was what it felt like to have a mother.
Genma came down the hall to ask what was keeping breakfast, only to find his son sobbing in Kasumi's arms. He was furious! All his hard work and sacrifice (er... occasional hard word and maybe one or two small sacrifices) to make Ranma into the man-among-men that would make his parents proud (particularly the one holding the katana), and here was his farce of a son crying like a baby! He was all set to spin Ranma around and lay into him for being so weak when he chance to look into Kasumi's eyes...
All the blood drained out of Genma Saotome's face and he backed up rapidly. He almost tripped when he hit the doorframe as he scurried back to the breakfast table, shuddering. A mother bear wanting to know why you were setting her cubs on fire for kicks would have looked friendlier and more forgiving than Kasumi had at just that moment. Genma had never seen anything more frightening! Not Nadoka angry, not the Master infuriated, NOTHING could compare to the way Kasumi had glared at him just now!
Soun looked up from his paper at his pale, shuddering friend. "Problem Saotome?"
Woodenly, Genma shook his head. "N-n-n-no. Not a thing, Tendou."
Soun stared at him for a minute, then shrugged and resumed reading his paper.
Glancing back towards the hallway, Genma then proceeded to demonstrate that Ranma's predisposition to putting his foot in is mouth was hereditary.
"Whoever marries Kasumi, I feel sorry for him." He muttered.
Soun ripped his paper in half as he performed a raging Demon Head Attack on his best friend.
"AND WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU MEAN BY **THAT**, SAOTOME!?!?!"
His nerves already shaken, Genma did the sensible thing and feinted.
***
Breakfast was quiet. Ranma seemed to get the hint that Akane wasn't coming down until he left, so he ate quickly and left without her at the same time as Nabiki.
The middle Tendou daughter, for her part, was undecided as to what to do. She'd already agreed to help Ranma out a bit, but on the other hand, her schemes were what kept rice on the table, and Ranma made for a great source of income. What to do... what to do...
Kasumi's blackmail-through-guilt promise meant that she couldn't start up her latest plan to generate money at the expense of Ranma's dignity. On the other hand, she'd already taken and developed a new batch of pictures of the buxom redhead that were sure to sell. She'd taken them before agreeing to lay off Ranma, so that was okay, right?
Nabiki would have made a talented lawyer. Unfortunately, she would have made a lousy therapist.
***
I'd made a point to get to school early, so I was waiting for Ranchan near the gate when he arrived. Since he was early too, Kunou wasn't out waiting for him yet. This turned out to be a good thing as the idiot had heard rumors about Ranchan slapping Akane. The vengeance of heaven is slow but... impotent. At any rate, Kunou didn't get a hold of Ranchan until a couple days later, which was just as well.
Akane and Ranma didn't look or speak to each other at any time during class. I saw Ranma glance at her once and turn away looking grumpy.
Grumpy was good. It was a hell of a lot safer these days than furious.
I stuck to Ranchan like glue at lunch, taking him somewhere out of the way to eat our lunches. He could tell I was worried about him, but he didn't want to talk about it just then. I figured it was probably best not to push him, so we ate in relative silence. Comfortable silence, mind you, but silence.
After school wasn't so good. It would have been fine if Ranchan would've been content to just walk home happily with his cute fiancée (me) on his arm, but he made the mistake of glancing to his right on the way out.
A small crowd of boys were gathered around Nabiki, who was holding up photos for display. From the occasional nervous glance they guys would give Ranchan, it was pretty obvious who was the model in those racy snapshots.
I felt Ranchan begin to twitch violently.
"Hey... Hey! Calm down Ranchan!" I said in a bit of a panic. "Don't let it bother you! What goes around comes around. She'll regret it someday. So don't let it get to you."
The twitching stopped rather abruptly, and Ranchan turned back to face me. He smiled. "You know Ucchan, I bet you're right about that. Be shame to ruin a nice day on her account, wouldn't it?"
I smiled myself, in relief. "Damn right, Ranchan. She's not worth your trouble."
He just grinned at me and we left the school together. He even put an arm around my shoulder. Naturally I was thrilled he was finally starting to treat me more like a fiancée, even with something so minor as an arm. I knew Ranchan was kinda shy around girls, so little steps forward like this were worth more than they might seem to other people.
If I'd been less occupied being giddy like some love-struck schoolgirl (then again, I WAS as schoolgirl and I WAS in love...) I might have noticed that Ranchan wasn't really looking at me, but just staring off in thought. I might also have noticed a disturbing similarity between the grin on Ranchan's face and the one Nabiki wore when she collected on a debt.
But I didn't, and when I left Ranchan at the Tendou's, I thought everything was fine.
***
Two people in the Tendou house had two very different mornings.
One girl awoke with her typical reluctance and staggered downstairs to brush her teeth before breakfast. Being conscious only by the most literal definition of the word, she didn't notice until much later in the day that her camera was sitting on her desk, as opposed to in the drawer where she'd left it. Having missed that, there was no way she could catch the fact that it was currently empty. She made a habit of always keeping it loaded (one never knew just when the redhead in residence might take a swim in the koi pond and have to wring out her shirt). There was also an empty spot on her bookshelf.
One boy woke to instant alertness (pandas attacking you in your sleep each morning will do that) with a nasty smirk on his face. He immediately noted that an old scroll of his father's describing Shiatsu pressure points was lying open on the floor in his simple room. He quickly rerolled it and put it away in its proper place before the panda would wake and notice its absence. Still grinning, he picked up a very thick envelope for a 24-hour photo developer's and tucked it into his schoolbag for later. With a cheerful spring in his step, he went downstairs for breakfast.
Ranma was remarkably cheerful this morning, sparing not even a guilty glance at the battered and morose Akane. Kasumi took his good mood as a sign of his recovery, and happily gave it no more thought. Nabiki gave him a wary look, but made no comment. Whatever he was up to, she'd find out eventually. Deep thought was something she reserved for later in the mornings. Soun had eyes only for his paper, while Genma only for his food. Thus, no one thought to ask Ranma the cause of his good cheer.
Ranma wolfed down his breakfast even faster than usual, plopped his bowl down and thanked Kasumi for the delicious meal.
"You're welcome Ranma-kun. I'm glad you enjoyed it." Kasumi beamed, pleasantly surprised at the compliment.
"I'm surprised you can even taste it, eating so fast." Nabiki smirked.
"Nabiki!" Kasumi said in a disapproving tone.
Ranma chuckled. "Oh let her be, Kasumi. If Nabiki wants to be snide and mean-spirited, that's her choice. She'll regret it someday. What goes around comes around, after all."
Kasumi blinked. "That's very mature of you Ranma-kun."
"Yeah..." Nabiki muttered, frowning suspiciously.
"Why thank you Kasumi." Ranma beamed at her. "I'm going to head off to school."
"Now? It's not even 8:00 yet." Nabiki said, frowning deeper.
"I thought I'd get there early for once. Be nice not to have to hold buckets for a change."
With that, Ranma picked up his school bag and practically skipped out the door.
Nabiki counted off on her fingers. "He was polite, shrugged off a mild insult, and is leaving early for school. Something's definitely up." She turned to Akane. "You think this is another one of his multiple personalities?"
Akane glared at her sister. "Don't you try to feed my that bull too! You know he's just using that as an excuse!"
Nabiki blinked. "Um... Akane? Dr. Tofu examined him and gave his honest, considered opinion that Ranma's developed another, nastier personality that takes over his body at times. If you want to believe Ranma's lying about that, fine, but how do you think he managed to get the doctor, who took an oath never to lie about a patient's condition, to go along with it? Dr. Tofu came all the way to the house to tell us himself."
Akane frowned in confusion, trying to sort things out in her head so that Dr. Tofu could be telling the truth and Ranma would be lying, while still saying the exact same thing.
Nabiki shook her head and left her sister to deduce without logic. "Whatever. I've got to get dressed and head to school. Ranma's up to something, I'm sure of it."
"Remember not to antagonize him, Nabiki." Kasumi warned.
"Yeah yeah." She muttered as she dashed upstairs. Dressing quickly, she went to grab her little red notebook and found it not on her shelf. Assuming she'd just forgot to take it out of her bag last night, she didn't give it another thought as she dashed back downstairs and out the door.
Now, like I said, I've been making a point to get to school extra early these days to keep an eye on Ranchan, but he beat me here today. He was standing near the gate grinning at a crowd of boys yammering excitedly around the notice board.
"What's going on Ranchan?" I asked him.
"Karma." He chuckled.
"What's that mean?"
"You'll find out in a minute. She'll be here soon."
"Huh? Her who?"
Ranchan didn't answer. A minute later, a panting Nabiki dashed through the gates. She looked at Ranchan, and then at the noisy, laughing crowed of guys at the notice board.
"What's with them?" She asked Ranchan.
Ranma shrugged calmly. "Just some interesting photographs someone posted up."
"Interesting how?" She asked with a suspicious frown.
Ranchan looked thoughtful. "Well, interesting to some, anyway. I don't see the draw myself. By the way, how long have you had that mark on your hip, the one about the size of a 1 yen coin?"
Nabiki was frowning curiously at the crowd. "It's a birthmark you dolt. I've had it all my..." She trailed off and slowly turned to look at him with an utterly horrified look on her face. Ranchan just grinned in response as she screamed and bolted for the notice board. I followed her out of curiosity.
As I found out in very short order (for a non-martial artist, the way Nabiki knocked the boys aside to get to the board was quite impressive) the birthmark in question was right between her hip bone and her pubic hair. It was usually underneath her panties, so not even the girls in the change room wouldn't have known about it. Well... before today anyway.
The notice board had a big banner across the top that read 'Furinkan's Ice Queen Exposed', and exposed she was. The photos were all of Nabiki Tendou on her bed, asleep, and in a variety of utterly nude poses. At least they were tasteful (in as much as nude photos could be tasteful); Nabiki's legs were closed in each shot.
Nabiki screamed and clawed at the locked glass window covering the board. The shatterproof glass and lock resisted her efforts. She threw her back against the glass, trying to block as many photos as possible, and barely managing to obstruct all of them. The boys were laughing at her futile attempts. They were LAUGHING at her! Laughing at HER!
Saotome was going to die!
Looking around frantically for some solution, her eyes trailed past the smirking Ranma to the gates, where a familiar figure was just wandering by, likely in search of the Tendou Dojo.
"RYOUGA!" Nabiki screamed at the top of her lungs.
The lost boy turned and looked at her. She waved him closer, then realized she'd exposed more of the photos by doing so and hastily slapped her hand back down, much to the amusement of her new male admirers.
Keeping her carefully in his line of sight, Ryouga jogged over to her. "Nabiki? What are you doing in-"
"Nerima, Hibiki! We're in Nerima! This is Furinkan High School!" Nabiki snapped.
"Really?"
"Yes really! Now I need you to do me a favour." Nabiki snapped again. She was understandably not in her most patient of moods.
He looked at her warily. "Does this favour involve my wallet in any way?"
Nabiki bit back a sharp reply. "Not today. I need you to smash this notice board." Shatterproof glass was not the same as Hibikiproof.
He frowned. "But it's school property."
She looked at him like he'd grown another head. "Since when do you care about property damages?"
He shrugged. "If I'm aiming at Ranma and miss, it's not my fault. That doesn't mean I think it's okay to just go around smashing things."
Nabiki was growing frustrated. "I'll pay for it, okay? Now just shut up and do it!"
Ryouga was a bit taken aback at her rudeness. He turned to leave. "Forget it. I don't owe you any favors." He grumbled.
"Wait! Please wait!" Nabiki pleaded, and you could tell just by looking at her how much she hated the idea of groveling like this. "I'm sorry Ryouga. I'm really in trouble here. I really need your help. You wouldn't want to leave Akane's sister in dire straits, now would you?"
Ryouga stopped and turned. "I suppose not. Why do you want me to smash that thing anyway?"
Nabiki bit her lip. As she was debating what to tell him. One of the guys from the crowd stepped toward Ryouga with a grin on his face, intent on enlightening him.
"You say one word Kenji and all your debts are due yesterday!" Nabiki snarled. The boy grumbled and backed off. Nabiki turned back to Ryouga. "There's some... embarrassing pictures in here that I need to take out, but I can't get the lock open. Please help me out here."
Ryouga sighed and shrugged off his pack. "Oh, alright." He stepped up to Nabiki and cocked a fist back.
He waited.
"Uh, Nabiki? I can't exactly smash this thing with you standing in the way." He said dryly.
Nabiki winced. "Oh... right." Reluctantly, she stepped aside.
Ryouga nodded. "Much better." Then he turned his attention to the notice board.
It was a mistake.
The boy stronger than a mountain plummeted backward in a fountain of blood, felled by a mighty opponent known as the 8' by 10' glossy.
"Oh for..." Nabiki groaned, then quickly resumed her protective position in front of the board.
Ranma, who had come a bit closer to watch how things went, fell over laughing, and even I couldn't help but giggle at the pathetic figure Ryouga had cut. He's a nice guy and all, but it was still funny. As for Nabiki, I considered this fair payback for what she always did to Ranchan.
Nabiki glared darkly at the laughing Ranma. "Are you just going to sit there and laugh at me Saotome?"
Ranma got control of himself and stood up, wiping a tear. "Oh no, Nabiki. Not by a long shot." He walked back over to a tree and produced a megaphone.
"Gentlemen! How did you like my little sample on the board?"
Resounding cheers answered for him.
"Little sample!" Nabiki yelled angrily. "It looks like you gave them the whole thing!"
Ranma grinned, and called back with the megaphone. "Don't be silly, Nabiki. The whole thing is right here." He said, holding up a spread of photos. "Come one, come all! See the infamous Ice Queen of Furinkan *spread* *WIDE* for your viewing pleasure! It's the money shot folks! Come and get 'em while supplies last! I've only got a hundred or so. Multiple poses; trade and collect them all!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Nabiki wailed as she abandoned the board and charged Ranma. He of course, effortlessly leapt over her poorly executed flying tackle and landed on top of her. He sat himself down comfortably on her back, pinning her to the ground with his greater weight.
I probably should have helped Nabiki out, girls sticking together and all that. Unfortunately two things were on my mind that prevented me from doing so, never mind the fact that Ranma was so much better than me that it wouldn't make much difference if I did. First, so far I hadn't done anything to harm Ranma (at least I hope I didn't) I wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea of putting my name on his Payback List. Second, the last time Nabiki swindled me out of my profit margin was still fresh in my mind.
So I was being petty. Sue me.
Nabiki stopped squirming long enough to ask Ranma "Are those shots really me with my legs open? You're pulling my leg right? There's no way you've got the balls to-"
Ranma put one of the pictures in front of her face.
"Eep!" She squeaked, taking the picture in trembling hands. "W-w-what's that thing in my... my..."
Ranma took the picture back and examined it. "Huh? Oh. It's your toothbrush. Why?"
Nabiki answered by making spitting noises. Ranma waited for a minute to see if she had anything else to say and then waved the guys over.
The boys rushed up to buy the photos. I recognized a grinning Hiroshi as the first. I don't keep track of such things of course, but I think he was into Nabiki for quite a bit, and she kept jacking up her interest rates the longer he owed, insuring that he could never get out of her debt.
"How much Ranma?" he asked.
Ranma, perched atop the squirming Nabiki, rubbed his chin in thought. "Hmm. Good question. How much does she charge for those topless photos of my girl form?"
"3000 yen for a set of 5." Hiroshi answered immediately.
Ranma frowned. "So, you're one of the guys that by 'em, huh? My own buddy Hiroshi?"
Hiroshi looked remarkably awkward. "Um... well you see..." He wisely gave up trying to explain. He bowed. "I'm sorry Ranma."
Ranma snorted. "Hmph! Well I guess I'll forgive ya. Got bigger fish to fry after all. You might as well keep the ones you got. There ain't gonna be no more of me. And you *are* going to let me know if someone very foolishly tries to sell more, aren't you guys?" Ranma asked with a warning frown.
"Got it." Hiroshi gulped. The rest mumbled their agreement as well.
Ranma smiled. "Good! That's settled then. 3000 yen for five, huh? Well I guess that tells me what sort of price to set for these pics right?" He made a show of tugging his lip in thought. "How's about... 10 yen a shot?"
"WHAT?" Nabiki shrieked. "Only 10 yen!?!"
"Well, Nabiki, you ain't nearly as good looking as my girl half. I gotta give these guys a fair price for what they're buying."
"You call 10 yen fair?" She snapped.
"You want them to go for 5?" He threatened. That shut her up. I remember wondering why she cared how little the pictures were selling for, but I never did understand Nabiki's twisted mind.
Ranma began dealing. "That's right. There you go. Just drop the coins in the cup. What? You want two? All right but go to the end of the line and pick em up one by one. I don't want anybody having to go without here. And don't go away gentlemen, you wouldn't want to miss the next item I'm putting up for sale. Oh, hi Kunou! I'll give you one for free. Maybe it will inspire you to new romances. Enjoy! Next?"
Eventually Ranma ran out of photos, and he reached over to his bookbag. "Ok gentlemen, now for the big ticket item! Unlike those photos with the unattractive model, this next item is actually worth something."
Nabiki snorted angrily, causing Ranma to grin wider. He pulled out a small red notebook, like the kind you keep addresses in.
"Feast your eyes ladies and gentlemen, on Nabiki Tendou's little red book."
Nabiki turned completely pale. "No... He wouldn't. He would. RANMA SAOTOME DON'T YOU DARE!"
"I'm feeling daring today." Ranma grinned.
Hiroshi looked confused. "Hey Ranma, what's the deal with the red book? Is it her diary or something?"
Ranma held it high. "Nothing so innocent, my friend. This book is where Nabiki keeps record of all the people who owe her money, and how much. I've had a look inside. There's way too many names for her to remember. You burn it and I figure about 75% of you get off Scott free."
The crowd, now much larger, cheered.
"So people, who wants to be the one to set this damn thing on fire? And how much are you willing to pay for the honor? Let's start the bidding at 5000 yen."
"Ranma!" Nabiki snarled. "Are you insane? Where do you think the rice you eat comes from huh? This is how I keep my family fed! You sell that book and we all starve!"
"Try getting a job. Honest work can be very rewarding." Ranma said wryly. "I hear 7000! Do I have 7500? 7500! Do I have 8000?"
I'm going to get you for this Saotome! You're going to pay dearly for this!" Nabiki snarled.
"Name one thing you can do to me that I can't do back to you ten times worse." Ranma countered. "I think today is a good example. 8500! Do I hear 9000?"
As Nabiki broke down into sobs, the little red book finally sold for 255 000 yen: a veritable fortune. The crowd had divided up into groups and pooled their money. Ranma handed the winners a lighter, and they torched it. They danced gleefully around the flames like aboriginals around a bonfire.
Ranma sat back on the thoroughly miserable Nabiki and whistled as he counted his money. You could buy a fairly decent previously owned car for that much.
"Well, it's been fun Nabiki, but I've gotta go. Class is gonna start any second." He said as he stood up, tossing something into the dirt in front of her face. "Here's the key for the notice board. Though if I were you, I'd be more worried about the pictures I put up on the walls of your classroom. Those ones are superglued right on. Might be a while before anyone can manage to get those ones down. Bye now!" He chuckled cheerfully, marching off to class with a very satisfied smile.
Now I don't like Nabiki, I've said that already, but even I was feeling sorry for her by this point, and maybe a little guilty for not trying to help her out before. I stood her up gently and picked up the key. She was a total wreck; sobbing, crying, and barely able to move under her own power.
I unlocked the notice board and handed her the pictures. I kinda palmed one for myself, thinking I could show it to her the next time she thought she had me over a barrel; that would take the wind out of her sails pretty quick. I don't think she even noticed me slipping the one into my shirt. I led her to her classroom. At the door I handed her one of my throwing spatulas.
"Here. You can probably scrape the pictures off the wall with this. Even if you can't, you can scratch them up so that they're not visible."
She accepted the spatula with a nod and opened the door to her class. She winced as she saw that her whole class was already inside, all chatting and laughing at the pictures. Even the teacher was smirking at the photos. Nabiki's way of making money hadn't left her with many friends.
There wasn't much I could do about that, so I left her to face the music herself.
Back in my class, Ranma was still grinning and counting his money.
"That was pretty awful, Ranma." I said. I made up my mind a while ago that I wasn't going to call *this* Ranma 'Ranchan'.
He shrugged. "True, but can you say she didn't earn it? You'd have a hard time finding anyone at this school who doesn't think she had this coming."
I had to agree with that. "How'd you get her in all those poses without her waking up?"
"Saotome school of Anything Goes pressure point attacks. The sleepy spot will knock out an opponent for about 30 minutes, but if a person's already asleep, and has next to no adrenaline running through their system, it keeps them napping for hours."
"I see." I said warily. "What are you going to do with all that money?"
"Well, Nabiki did make one good point. I've ruined her family's income. So I'm gonna give 200 000 of it to Kasumi so they don't starve while Nabiki finds other ways to make money."
"That's nice of you." I said, a bit surprised that this Ranma would do anything like that.
"Kasumi's taken good care of me. No reason she should have to suffer for her sister's criminal behavior."
That made a little more sense to me. This Ranma wasn't nice, but he had a strong belief in justice.
Ranma put the money away and yawned. "I think I'll take a nap. Didn't get too much sleep last night." And with that he put his head down and went to sleep.
I just shook my head, wondering where things were going with Ranma... and with Ranchan. I had a lot of time to think before lunch when he awoke. I managed to convince the teachers that waking Ranma wouldn't be in the best interests of their health today. Ranchan's reputation as a martial artist was well known to all the teachers, so they took my advice very seriously.
Akane didn't show up for class. I found out later that she took one look at her sister's situation and ran home. Looks like I wasn't the only one who wasn't willing to risk getting on Ranma's bad side for Nabiki's sake. Nabiki sold pictures of her too.
When he woke up (some internal clock telling him it was time to eat, I suspect) he was Ranchan again.
"Oh hey Ucchan." He yawned. Then he blinked. "Why are we back in school?"
"What's the last thing you remember?" I asked.
"We were going home after school ended. I saw Nabiki selling pictures of me again." He said.
"Ranma, stay calm!"
He blinked at me. "I am calm. It's kinda weird, actually. For some reason I ain't mad at her anymore." He frowned in thought. "I didn't flip out again, did I?"
"I'm afraid so, Sugar." I said sadly. "That was yesterday. Last night you apparently snuck into Nabiki's room and decided to return the favor." I showed him the picture."
His eyes bugged out looking at it. I put the photo away. I wasn't too thrilled with the idea of my fiancée staring at pictures of other women naked. With the nasty Ranma it didn't bother me as much, but this Ranma was *my* Ranma.
"Whoa... so I sold pictures of her for a change?"
"That's putting it mildly, Sugar. You also auctioned off her book with all the people who owe her money in it. There's 255 000 yen in your bag from the sale."
Ranma looked shocked. "That much?"
I nodded. "You said you wanted to give 200 000 of it to Kasumi so that the Tendous don't starve while Nabiki covers her losses." Wouldn't do to have him forget that part.
He still looked stunned, but he nodded. "Alright. That's fair."
I looked at him seriously. "Ranchan, pictures even worse than this one are circulating all over the school. Now you've got Akane AND Nabiki against you. I really think you should move in with me, for your own safety if nothing else."
He looked worried. "You really think it's gotten that bad?"
I nodded. "Definitely. Even without counting how Mr. Tendou's gonna freak out, Nabiki's upset enough to try stabbing you in your sleep."
He winced. "Yeesh! Maybe you're right."
We stayed sitting at our desks as we started eating our lunches. Something occurred to me that I still feel bad about mentioning to this day, but it had to be said.
"Ranchan..."
"Mmm?" He asked with his mouth full.
"Have I ever... done anything to hurt you, to make you mad at me?"
"Huh?" He blinked in confusion. "Wait... you think I'm gonna... Aw geez Ucchan! I'd never do anything like that to you!" He insisted.
"I know *you* wouldn't Ranchan. You're the nicest guy I know." I assured him, putting my hand over his, and for once he didn't try to pull away. "But I'm not perfect and there may have been something I did or still do that hurt or offended you, something that you didn't think was fair. I want to know what that might be. Please, take a minute and think about it." I insisted.
He sat back and crossed his arms, focusing his admittedly rarely used brain back over the time he'd known me. I waited patiently.
Finally, he looked up. "About the only thing I can think of is you attacking me when you first showed up in Nerima, and blaming me for what my Pop did to you when we were six. But that wasn't your fault, and I don't hold it against you. You forgave me right? So I forgave you for attacking me, and now we're... best friends. I don't think there's anything I'm still mad about with you, Ucchan."
I smiled. "I'm glad. There shouldn't be any secrets or hidden grudges between two people as close as us. I really felt bad about attacking you back then, once I found out how things really were."
Ranchan shrugged and grinned. "Like I said, water under the bridge."
I paused to think. "Ranchan, just in case there's anything else you didn't want to tell me, or that you remember later, I want to say that I'm sorry. I never want to be the one to hurt you in any way, ever. I want you to know that and never doubt it."
Ranchan looked depressed. "Right, so my other self don't attack you or nothing."
I shook my head. "No Ranchan. That's not it. What I care about is how *you* feel about me. I don't ever want you to think I don't care about you or your feelings. This whole split personality business has just got me thinking, that I may have done something to you without thinking of your feelings, or because I get too caught up in what I want and forget about what you want." Oh please! Don't bring up the engagement, I pleaded with him silently. Don't let that be something only I want!
"Ucchan..." He said, his eyes filled with emotion. He opened his mouth a few times to say something, but eventually he just gave up and smiled at me. That was answer enough to suit me, and I smiled back at him.
We went back to eating our lunches. After a minute, Ranchan asked me.
"So, what about you?"
"What about me?"
"I mean, is there anything I do that bugs you?"
I laughed. "Oh, I don't think you have to worry about my inner frustrations taking me over and turning on you Ranchan." And what would they do if they did? Rape the poor boy I suspect. Somehow I can't see him fighting too hard to get away, but maybe that's just my ego talking.
He waved that thought away. "Naw, I know that won't happen. It's just what you said before, about not wanting to have any secret grudges between friends. So I wanna know."
I thought about it, then gave him a wry smirk. "Okay Ranchan. How's this? It ticks me off that you keep calling me your friend. I mean, I am that of course, but I'm supposed to be more. I'm your fiancée, and I'm in love with you, so every time you call me 'pal' or 'buddy', it's kinda like a blow to my femininity, you know? I may not dress like a girl, but I am one, and I'd like to be treated that way now and then."
Ranchan looked honestly and truly surprised. I guess he really didn't know how I felt. I mean I knew he wasn't that observant, but I'd just assumed he knew. I thought back over the past year and I realized that I hadn't actually said 'I love you' even once. I guess I was just too embarrassed. Well, I was through with that! Not telling him how I feel was probably what let him keep thinking of me as a buddy.
"Ucchan... I... I never knew you felt that way." He blushed and looked down at his lunch, and started eating it slowly. I could tell he was worried, and probably trying to see if I fit in his perspective as being in the same class of the rest of his fiancées. Time to nip that one in the bud.
I leaned forward and grinned slyly at him. "So... now that you know, would you rather sleep in my bedroom than the spare room tonight?"
Ranma spewed rice halfway across the room. I laughed until I fell out of my chair.
"Hahahaha! Oh Ranchan, I was only kidding!"
He coughed, trying to get a bit of rice he swallowed wrong out of his windpipe. "That was a joke?"
I got up grinning and thumped him on the back, helping him dislodge the food from his throat. "Course it was! Who do you take me for, Shampoo? Sleeping in the same room's rushing things a bit, in my opinion. You're not the only one who gets shy and nervous, you know."
He looked at me in surprise. "I'm not?"
I squeezed his shoulder. "Of course not. I kinda like the idea of living with you, but I want to see how I feel about you sleeping in the room next to mine first before we go on to the next step. You don't mind, do you? You don't think I'm trying to keep you at arms length or something?"
Ranma shook his head rapidly. "No no! I... I don't think I wanna sleep in your room either... I mean, not that there's anything wrong with that... just not quite yet. Like you said, it's kinda rushing things, isn't it?"
I grinned at him. "Right." He smiled shyly back.
Maybe this split personality thing was a blessing in disguise. This had been the most intimate conversation the two of us have ever had. On the other hand...
I looked at him seriously. "Ranchan, if you're done eating, now might be a good time to get your stuff from the Tendou's. Once Nabiki gets home, things are gonna get ugly."
Ranma nodded sadly. "You're probably right."
"I also want to go talk to Dr. Tofu again. The first time you changed, you took a nap right after and switched back. This time you stayed as the other you for a whole evening and morning, even though you went to sleep in-between. He should know about this."
Ranma nodded. "We'll go see him after I get my stuff."
I wasn't exactly correct about the Tendou house being in ignorance. Akane had seen most of what happened, and wasted no time telling everyone else. Kasumi answered the door and immediately shuffled us outside, closing the door behind her.
"Ranma-kun, are you yourself right now?"
"Yes Kasumi, he is." I answered. "What's wrong?"
"Akane came home and told father what your other self did to Nabiki. I don't think it's a good idea to come in just now."
Ranma looked miserable. "I'm really sorry. Ucchan told me about it at lunch. I can't believe I did that."
Kasumi put a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. "It's not your fault Ranma, but I really don't think you should go in."
He nodded. "We thought so too. Ucchan's offered to let me stay at her place for a while."
Kasumi pondered that. "Perhaps that would be best."
"We came to pick up his stuff." I offered.
Kasumi nodded. "I understand. Go into your room through the window and leave the same way. I'll wait until you're gone to tell them."
Ranma offered a weak smile. "Thanks Kasumi-oneechan. You're the best."
She smiled at him. "Take good care of yourself little brother." She hugged him. "I'll see you soon. If you ever want to talk to me, I go shopping at the market every day around 1:00. Just come find me and I'll come back to the Ucchan with you for a visit."
"Thanks Kasumi-oneechan." Ranma said with heartfelt gratitude. I felt similarly towards her. If there was one good thing about living at the Tendou's, then Kasumi was it. I knew we could count on her help with Ranchan.
She waited with me while Ranchan took to the roof to fetch his stuff.
"Kasumi, can I ask you something?"
"Certainly."
"I think it's fairly safe to say, at this point, that the union of the Tendou and Saotome clans is a lost cause, at least with this generation."
She nodded. "I'm afraid I have to agree."
I twiddled my thumbs nervously as I continued. "Ranchan's living with me now, and I know this is getting way ahead of ourselves, and I'm not going to push him, especially now, but..."
She smiled. "You want to know how I would feel about you marrying Ranma, right?"
I nodded. "I'd be lying if I said what Akane thinks would bother me much, considering the way she treats him, but you're different. It sorta matters to me what your opinion of me is. I can't really say why."
She smiled gently at me. "Ukyou, in my honest opinion, you are a far better match for Ranma than Akane would ever be. I can't say I like what that would do to our family's honor, but I want everyone to be happy. I don't think that would happen if Ranma were forced to marry Akane, especially with what's happened recently. You're a very nice girl Ukyou, and I hope you and Ranma can be happy together. If it's my blessing you're looking for, then I'll give it to you, so long as that's what Ranma wants too."
I had to hug her. I couldn't help it. "Thank you... Oneechan."
Kasumi returned my embrace and chuckled. "Goodness! My personal family just keeps growing and growing, doesn't it?"
I laughed with her.
Ranchan came back with his pack over his shoulder. "Okay, that's everything." After giving her the money and telling her what it was for, he bowed respectfully to Kasumi. "Thank you for your wonderful hospitality, Kasumi-oneechan."
Kasumi politely bowed back, completing the small ritual. "You're welcome. Please feel free to visit us again anytime. Um... actually..." she looked embarrassed.
Ranma laughed. "That's ok Oneechan. I understand what you mean. I'll see you again soon."
"Goodbye little brother, and you too little sister." She smiled and waved as we left.
Out in the street, Ranchan turned to me curiously. "'Little sister'?"
I laughed. "It's hard not to love her like family, isn't it?"
He laughed too. "I guess so."
Dr. Tofu listened carefully to everything we told him.
"I see. I think the other personality only stayed long enough to see his plan of revenge carried out. He couldn't leave you in control until that happened. This means that a night's sleep is no real cure."
I nodded. "That makes sense. How are you coming with Ranchan's medication?"
"I can't prescribe him anything myself because I'm not trained to diagnose him properly, but I've set up an appointment with a colleague of mine, a Dr. Hiro Kawasaki."
"Like the motorcycle?"
Dr. Tofu smirked. "No relation. It's set for Friday afternoon this week. So you think you can hold out until then?"
Ranma looked doubtful. "I don't know. I haven't had much luck so far."
The Doctor nodded. "Just do your best to avoid the people who aggravate you. That's all you can do."
"I'll try."
"And I'll help." I said firmly. Ranchan looked at me gratefully.
"Thanks Ucchan."
Dr. Tofu adjusted his glasses. "I don't really want to say this Ukyou, but are you sure it's wise to have Ranma stay with you? His other personality isn't exactly stable. You could be in danger."
Ranchan looked worried, but I waved the Doctor off. "We're one step ahead of you, Doctor. We've already determined that I'm one of the few people that Ranchan doesn't have a beef with. So far, all his other self's done is get some payback from people who have seriously and repeatedly hurt him. I'm confident I don't fall into that category."
That cheered Ranma up a bit.
The doctor was more cautious. "And what if you're wrong?"
I swallowed. "Then... then I'll forgive him."
Ranchan looked at me incredulously. "Ucchan... Do you know what you're saying? Look at what I already did to Akane and Nabiki? What if I did the same things to you, or worse?"
I looked confidently at him. "I'm certain that won't happen Ranchan, because even if there was something you can't remember that I did to hurt you, you already know I'm sorry for it. That can't be said of Nabiki or Akane, and it makes a big difference. And if some part of you does need some kind of retribution to believe that I'm sincerely sorry... then like I said, I'll accept it, and forgive you for it."
Ranma shook his head in wonder. "Ucchan... you're a better frien- Er... I mean fiancée, than I deserve."
I giggled and hugged him. "Glad you think so."
"Me too." Ranma muttered.
Dr. Tofu nodded. "Well, then that's settled. Move in with Ukyou and try to keep your anger in check. I'll write down the address and time of your appointment with Dr. Kawasaki."
After getting the note from the doctor, as well as another that excused us for being late back to class, we dropped of Ranchan's stuff at my restaurant and headed back to school. The rest of the day was surprisingly dull, and when we came back home, we opened the restaurant for business.
"Ok Ranchan, decision time."
"Huh?"
"Waiter or Waitress? A cute waitress will bring in more customers and get you better tips, but I know you don't really like being a girl if you don't have to. I'll leave the choice up to you."
Ranma scratched his head for a minute. "I've been a waitress before, at the Nekohanten, and you're right about the tips. I guess I can handle it."
"I'm not pressing you about this Ranchan. You're gonna keep your own tips, so to me it doesn't matter too much either way."
Ranma nodded. "I understand. I'll still go with waitress. Got anything I can wear?"
Ukyou pulled at her lip. "Not a lot. There's the kimono I sometimes wear to festivals, or I could always put you in one of my chef's outfits, but that's better for the person behind the counter."
Ranma winced. "Yeah, I think I'll pass on the tights that make my butt cry out 'pinch me'."
I gave him a sly look. "I wear those tights every day, Sugar. Is that what *my* butt is saying to you?"
"Ahh... well... no... I mean not that you're not... er... ano..."
I laughed. He's so cute when he's nervous. "Let's leave that conversation for another day, 'kay Ranchan?"
You could almost see him working over how he should respond to that. I gave him an out that neither suggested inappropriate (not that I'd mind) thoughts on his part, or that he might think me unattractive. "Yeah. Another day."
"Good." I grinned at him. I fully intended to continue that conversation once he got over this split personality thing. "So you want the kimono then?"
He shrugged. "It's feminine, but at least my butt's safe... probably."
I giggled. "Come on. I'll get it for you."
***
So that was the second day of the nasty Ranma's revenge, and Nabiki collected on her abuse of Ranma... with interest. The next day was Shampoo's turn...
You know... I really don't want to talk about what she got. I'm sorry, I just don't. I've got to get going anyway. The rehearsal starts soon. I'll see you tomorrow at the wedding Sugar. By now!
Next time: Shampoo get what's coming to her. I'm sure we can find *somebody* willing to spill the beans.
C&C to hinoron@hotmail.com
Chapter two
A quick note from the REAL author before I let Ukyou take over: For the sake of my own sanity, I'm going to try to limit the first-person narrative to the scenes in which Ukyou is actually present. Other scenes will be in my more-familiar third-person narrative.
Oh hi! Well? How do I look in my wedding Kimono? You know, when I imagined my wedding day, I always saw myself in a western-style wedding dress. I'm not sure why; I guess I'm just not that traditional.
Yes yes, I'm sure we ALL remember the pretending-to-be-a-boy phase. Thank you SO much for bringing that up two days before my frigging wedding! Actually, when I'm not wearing extremely uncomfortable wedding kimonos (it's like a Goddamn oven in here!) I still dress in guy's clothes, but it's only a fashion statement these days, not a disguise. I let my hair loose all the time now, and I stopped binding down my breasts, for which Ranma is most appreciative!
Hey! HEY! Don't go making inappropriate assumptions now! I didn't mean it like that! I'm a virgin, you hear me? Even if we did do a little bit of... Ack! Did I say that aloud? Don't you dare say anything, especially to Nadoka-Okaasan! She's already wondering what sort of wife wears pants all the time. She didn't approve of me at first you know, and there was this really ugly scene between her and Ranchan... maybe I'll tell you about that later, but for now, just promise me you'll keep quiet about what I just let slip!
Good.
Now I won't have to kill you.
On the other side of the wedding hall (so to speak), Ranchan's family is pretty traditional, especially his mother. I don't think Nadoka-okaachan ever imagined her son wearing anything but a groom's yukata to his wedding, not that I mind in the least. I snuck a peak at him a few minutes ago. God is he handsome!
Anyway, yeah, the Japanese-style wedding was a bit of a surprise. Shinto weddings are so much more expensive than Western ones. My family does well, but we've always lived pretty humbly. I only found out recently that one of the more significant reasons we didn't have a bigger TV or a nice car in the driveway, was that Dad has been putting aside a goodly amount of money for many years so that his only daughter could have the wedding of her dreams. Ha! Guess the sweet old guy never really wished he'd had a son after all. Tee hee. That old softy... gotta love him.
Looks like he's going to get his secret wish after all. This is gonna be a great wedding! Guest list is a bit shorter than I'd like though. I suppose I can't blame them, after all that happened. Ranchan and me made a lot of friends in our first year in Nerima. Well... maybe not "friends" exactly, but people friendly enough that would have come to our wedding before things got ugly.
The Tendous don't speak to us; except of course for Kasumi, who loves the both of us dearly, just like she does everybody she's ever met or hasn't. I really wish her father would let her come. The Kunou's hate us too; and the feeling is mutual, I should add. Never even *sent* them invitations and they still made a point of telling us they refused to come. Talk about arrogant! The whole cadre of Chinese Amazons went back to China after the whole fiasco with them finally blew over (I've seen Mousse pissed off before, but the foaming at the mouth was new) and they haven't kept in touch. We felt bad about the way things ended with them, but at the same time, there wasn't a one of them we really wanted to invite, so we didn't.
Ryouga... actually, I think Ryouga eventually forgave Ranchan, and we did send him an invitation (to his house, to the Tendou dojo, to that girl Akari's, and anywhere else we thought he might reasonably expected to stumble across. I was going to send one to Antarctica, but I wasn't sure what the postal code was). Forgiven or not, we don't really expect to see him, more do to 'navigational' reasons than his possibly still holding a grudge. Wouldn't it be funny if he wandered right into the wedding at the last minute?
Huh? Why do all of them hate us so much (give or take a couple)? Oh, that's right! I had to leave off telling you the rest of the story. Well, the dress rehearsal doesn't actually get started for another hour, so I can tell you some more. Where did I leave off?
Oh right. Ranchan snapped, walloped Akane, and only Kasumi and Dr. Tofu managed to keep the rest of the family from ripping into him for it. Good thing too; Ranma was totally overstressed. If Kasumi'd let Mr. Tendou and Nabiki chew him out (which might not have been just an expression in Mr. Tendou's case; I've seen him do that Demon Head thing. Big teeth.) his dark half might take him over and make things even worse.
Actually, I don't like thinking of that second persona as his "dark half". That person is Ranchan too. It's the part of him that was fed up with being abused, insulted and taken advantage of. The only problem is *that* Ranma wasn't limited by honor or morals, and set about getting some payback in ways that Ranchan would never of dared. Still, that doesn't make the second persona *evil*.
Unfortunately, I seemed to be the only one who thought so, including poor Ranchan, who was tearing himself up inside over what he'd done to Akane. I was a little shocked when I saw it happen, but I didn't really think it was quite worth the big deal everyone was making of it. So he slapped her! She deserved it! Okay, maybe that *was* the hardest slap I've ever seen anyone give anybody, leaving the left side of Akane's face swollen up for a little more than a week... and maybe threatening to break her arms if she tried to brain him again was a bit overboard... BUT need I remind you that Akane has done worse to him on both accounts, and more than once?
Maybe the part that scared everybody was that, unlike Akane, Ranchan was more than capable of carrying his threats out. Fine. I can see that, but it didn't make what she did to him all the time ok. Not by a long shot.
***
Next morning Ranma came down the stairs silently, avoiding seeing Akane. Kasumi had assured him that she had talked to Akane last night and explained the whole split-personality thing, as well as the need to keep Ranma from being antagonized, lest his other self take over again.
This didn't mean Ranma felt particularly safe around her yet, for many reasons, not the least of which was for her own safety. Another, more deeply felt reason was that he couldn't bear to look at her swollen face, and know that it was his own hand that had hurt her so.
His efforts were for naught, as Akane came down to breakfast just as he was making his slow and stealthy way down. She stopped at the top of the stairs when she saw him. Filled with dread, he slowly turned around to face her.
"Akane... I'm sorry." He said miserably.
"Don't Ranma. Don't apologize." She said in a remarkably quiet voice.
"Huh? Why not?"
"You've finally shown me your true feelings. I'm sorry things didn't work out, but don't make it worse by faking an apology. Now I know exactly what you think of me. You proved it beyond a doubt yesterday. Our engagement is... is over." She said, her voice trembling.
"But that was-"
"Oh please! You don't really expect me to buy that multiple personality disorder nonsense you had Kasumi feed me last night. I'm not stupid!"
"But it's-" He pleaded. It didn't seem to help.
"SHUT UP RANMA! JUST SHUT UP! YOU'VE MADE IT PERFECTLY CLEAR WHAT YOU THINK OF ME AND MY FEELINGS! LEAVE ME ALONE! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU EVER AGAIN!" She screamed, and then bolted back into her room in tears.
Ranma stood at the bottom of the stairs in shock for several minutes. He never even noticed that Kasumi had arrived behind him at the first moment Akane raised her voice.
"She doesn't believe me..." he whispered to himself in shock. "Even when Kasumi tells her the truth, she doesn't believe me. She never believes me. She never trusts me. She actually thinks I would do something like that. I can't believe her!"
As one line of thought led to another, Ranma slid slowly from shock and hurt into outrage. His other self was crawling up from the depths to avenge this latest and final insult to every aspect of Ranma's character he prided himself in. Another catastrophe that would put yesterday morning's to shame was imminent.
Then, soft warm arms wrapped themselves around his neck. Surprised, he made no resistance as he was gently turned about. Those warm, comforting, and most importantly, forgiving arms encircled him and lay his head on her shoulder.
As his head cleared, Ranma was shocked and horrified to realize exactly how close he had come to turning. Brought to the edge and brought back, he knew without a doubt that he had almost lost control. And with that sick feeling in the pit of his stomach gnawing at him, he wrapped his arms around Kasumi's waist and sobbed into her shoulder. Kasumi softly comforted him with words as she stroked his hair.
This was what it felt like, Ranma was certain. This was what it felt like to have a mother.
Genma came down the hall to ask what was keeping breakfast, only to find his son sobbing in Kasumi's arms. He was furious! All his hard work and sacrifice (er... occasional hard word and maybe one or two small sacrifices) to make Ranma into the man-among-men that would make his parents proud (particularly the one holding the katana), and here was his farce of a son crying like a baby! He was all set to spin Ranma around and lay into him for being so weak when he chance to look into Kasumi's eyes...
All the blood drained out of Genma Saotome's face and he backed up rapidly. He almost tripped when he hit the doorframe as he scurried back to the breakfast table, shuddering. A mother bear wanting to know why you were setting her cubs on fire for kicks would have looked friendlier and more forgiving than Kasumi had at just that moment. Genma had never seen anything more frightening! Not Nadoka angry, not the Master infuriated, NOTHING could compare to the way Kasumi had glared at him just now!
Soun looked up from his paper at his pale, shuddering friend. "Problem Saotome?"
Woodenly, Genma shook his head. "N-n-n-no. Not a thing, Tendou."
Soun stared at him for a minute, then shrugged and resumed reading his paper.
Glancing back towards the hallway, Genma then proceeded to demonstrate that Ranma's predisposition to putting his foot in is mouth was hereditary.
"Whoever marries Kasumi, I feel sorry for him." He muttered.
Soun ripped his paper in half as he performed a raging Demon Head Attack on his best friend.
"AND WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU MEAN BY **THAT**, SAOTOME!?!?!"
His nerves already shaken, Genma did the sensible thing and feinted.
***
Breakfast was quiet. Ranma seemed to get the hint that Akane wasn't coming down until he left, so he ate quickly and left without her at the same time as Nabiki.
The middle Tendou daughter, for her part, was undecided as to what to do. She'd already agreed to help Ranma out a bit, but on the other hand, her schemes were what kept rice on the table, and Ranma made for a great source of income. What to do... what to do...
Kasumi's blackmail-through-guilt promise meant that she couldn't start up her latest plan to generate money at the expense of Ranma's dignity. On the other hand, she'd already taken and developed a new batch of pictures of the buxom redhead that were sure to sell. She'd taken them before agreeing to lay off Ranma, so that was okay, right?
Nabiki would have made a talented lawyer. Unfortunately, she would have made a lousy therapist.
***
I'd made a point to get to school early, so I was waiting for Ranchan near the gate when he arrived. Since he was early too, Kunou wasn't out waiting for him yet. This turned out to be a good thing as the idiot had heard rumors about Ranchan slapping Akane. The vengeance of heaven is slow but... impotent. At any rate, Kunou didn't get a hold of Ranchan until a couple days later, which was just as well.
Akane and Ranma didn't look or speak to each other at any time during class. I saw Ranma glance at her once and turn away looking grumpy.
Grumpy was good. It was a hell of a lot safer these days than furious.
I stuck to Ranchan like glue at lunch, taking him somewhere out of the way to eat our lunches. He could tell I was worried about him, but he didn't want to talk about it just then. I figured it was probably best not to push him, so we ate in relative silence. Comfortable silence, mind you, but silence.
After school wasn't so good. It would have been fine if Ranchan would've been content to just walk home happily with his cute fiancée (me) on his arm, but he made the mistake of glancing to his right on the way out.
A small crowd of boys were gathered around Nabiki, who was holding up photos for display. From the occasional nervous glance they guys would give Ranchan, it was pretty obvious who was the model in those racy snapshots.
I felt Ranchan begin to twitch violently.
"Hey... Hey! Calm down Ranchan!" I said in a bit of a panic. "Don't let it bother you! What goes around comes around. She'll regret it someday. So don't let it get to you."
The twitching stopped rather abruptly, and Ranchan turned back to face me. He smiled. "You know Ucchan, I bet you're right about that. Be shame to ruin a nice day on her account, wouldn't it?"
I smiled myself, in relief. "Damn right, Ranchan. She's not worth your trouble."
He just grinned at me and we left the school together. He even put an arm around my shoulder. Naturally I was thrilled he was finally starting to treat me more like a fiancée, even with something so minor as an arm. I knew Ranchan was kinda shy around girls, so little steps forward like this were worth more than they might seem to other people.
If I'd been less occupied being giddy like some love-struck schoolgirl (then again, I WAS as schoolgirl and I WAS in love...) I might have noticed that Ranchan wasn't really looking at me, but just staring off in thought. I might also have noticed a disturbing similarity between the grin on Ranchan's face and the one Nabiki wore when she collected on a debt.
But I didn't, and when I left Ranchan at the Tendou's, I thought everything was fine.
***
Two people in the Tendou house had two very different mornings.
One girl awoke with her typical reluctance and staggered downstairs to brush her teeth before breakfast. Being conscious only by the most literal definition of the word, she didn't notice until much later in the day that her camera was sitting on her desk, as opposed to in the drawer where she'd left it. Having missed that, there was no way she could catch the fact that it was currently empty. She made a habit of always keeping it loaded (one never knew just when the redhead in residence might take a swim in the koi pond and have to wring out her shirt). There was also an empty spot on her bookshelf.
One boy woke to instant alertness (pandas attacking you in your sleep each morning will do that) with a nasty smirk on his face. He immediately noted that an old scroll of his father's describing Shiatsu pressure points was lying open on the floor in his simple room. He quickly rerolled it and put it away in its proper place before the panda would wake and notice its absence. Still grinning, he picked up a very thick envelope for a 24-hour photo developer's and tucked it into his schoolbag for later. With a cheerful spring in his step, he went downstairs for breakfast.
Ranma was remarkably cheerful this morning, sparing not even a guilty glance at the battered and morose Akane. Kasumi took his good mood as a sign of his recovery, and happily gave it no more thought. Nabiki gave him a wary look, but made no comment. Whatever he was up to, she'd find out eventually. Deep thought was something she reserved for later in the mornings. Soun had eyes only for his paper, while Genma only for his food. Thus, no one thought to ask Ranma the cause of his good cheer.
Ranma wolfed down his breakfast even faster than usual, plopped his bowl down and thanked Kasumi for the delicious meal.
"You're welcome Ranma-kun. I'm glad you enjoyed it." Kasumi beamed, pleasantly surprised at the compliment.
"I'm surprised you can even taste it, eating so fast." Nabiki smirked.
"Nabiki!" Kasumi said in a disapproving tone.
Ranma chuckled. "Oh let her be, Kasumi. If Nabiki wants to be snide and mean-spirited, that's her choice. She'll regret it someday. What goes around comes around, after all."
Kasumi blinked. "That's very mature of you Ranma-kun."
"Yeah..." Nabiki muttered, frowning suspiciously.
"Why thank you Kasumi." Ranma beamed at her. "I'm going to head off to school."
"Now? It's not even 8:00 yet." Nabiki said, frowning deeper.
"I thought I'd get there early for once. Be nice not to have to hold buckets for a change."
With that, Ranma picked up his school bag and practically skipped out the door.
Nabiki counted off on her fingers. "He was polite, shrugged off a mild insult, and is leaving early for school. Something's definitely up." She turned to Akane. "You think this is another one of his multiple personalities?"
Akane glared at her sister. "Don't you try to feed my that bull too! You know he's just using that as an excuse!"
Nabiki blinked. "Um... Akane? Dr. Tofu examined him and gave his honest, considered opinion that Ranma's developed another, nastier personality that takes over his body at times. If you want to believe Ranma's lying about that, fine, but how do you think he managed to get the doctor, who took an oath never to lie about a patient's condition, to go along with it? Dr. Tofu came all the way to the house to tell us himself."
Akane frowned in confusion, trying to sort things out in her head so that Dr. Tofu could be telling the truth and Ranma would be lying, while still saying the exact same thing.
Nabiki shook her head and left her sister to deduce without logic. "Whatever. I've got to get dressed and head to school. Ranma's up to something, I'm sure of it."
"Remember not to antagonize him, Nabiki." Kasumi warned.
"Yeah yeah." She muttered as she dashed upstairs. Dressing quickly, she went to grab her little red notebook and found it not on her shelf. Assuming she'd just forgot to take it out of her bag last night, she didn't give it another thought as she dashed back downstairs and out the door.
Now, like I said, I've been making a point to get to school extra early these days to keep an eye on Ranchan, but he beat me here today. He was standing near the gate grinning at a crowd of boys yammering excitedly around the notice board.
"What's going on Ranchan?" I asked him.
"Karma." He chuckled.
"What's that mean?"
"You'll find out in a minute. She'll be here soon."
"Huh? Her who?"
Ranchan didn't answer. A minute later, a panting Nabiki dashed through the gates. She looked at Ranchan, and then at the noisy, laughing crowed of guys at the notice board.
"What's with them?" She asked Ranchan.
Ranma shrugged calmly. "Just some interesting photographs someone posted up."
"Interesting how?" She asked with a suspicious frown.
Ranchan looked thoughtful. "Well, interesting to some, anyway. I don't see the draw myself. By the way, how long have you had that mark on your hip, the one about the size of a 1 yen coin?"
Nabiki was frowning curiously at the crowd. "It's a birthmark you dolt. I've had it all my..." She trailed off and slowly turned to look at him with an utterly horrified look on her face. Ranchan just grinned in response as she screamed and bolted for the notice board. I followed her out of curiosity.
As I found out in very short order (for a non-martial artist, the way Nabiki knocked the boys aside to get to the board was quite impressive) the birthmark in question was right between her hip bone and her pubic hair. It was usually underneath her panties, so not even the girls in the change room wouldn't have known about it. Well... before today anyway.
The notice board had a big banner across the top that read 'Furinkan's Ice Queen Exposed', and exposed she was. The photos were all of Nabiki Tendou on her bed, asleep, and in a variety of utterly nude poses. At least they were tasteful (in as much as nude photos could be tasteful); Nabiki's legs were closed in each shot.
Nabiki screamed and clawed at the locked glass window covering the board. The shatterproof glass and lock resisted her efforts. She threw her back against the glass, trying to block as many photos as possible, and barely managing to obstruct all of them. The boys were laughing at her futile attempts. They were LAUGHING at her! Laughing at HER!
Saotome was going to die!
Looking around frantically for some solution, her eyes trailed past the smirking Ranma to the gates, where a familiar figure was just wandering by, likely in search of the Tendou Dojo.
"RYOUGA!" Nabiki screamed at the top of her lungs.
The lost boy turned and looked at her. She waved him closer, then realized she'd exposed more of the photos by doing so and hastily slapped her hand back down, much to the amusement of her new male admirers.
Keeping her carefully in his line of sight, Ryouga jogged over to her. "Nabiki? What are you doing in-"
"Nerima, Hibiki! We're in Nerima! This is Furinkan High School!" Nabiki snapped.
"Really?"
"Yes really! Now I need you to do me a favour." Nabiki snapped again. She was understandably not in her most patient of moods.
He looked at her warily. "Does this favour involve my wallet in any way?"
Nabiki bit back a sharp reply. "Not today. I need you to smash this notice board." Shatterproof glass was not the same as Hibikiproof.
He frowned. "But it's school property."
She looked at him like he'd grown another head. "Since when do you care about property damages?"
He shrugged. "If I'm aiming at Ranma and miss, it's not my fault. That doesn't mean I think it's okay to just go around smashing things."
Nabiki was growing frustrated. "I'll pay for it, okay? Now just shut up and do it!"
Ryouga was a bit taken aback at her rudeness. He turned to leave. "Forget it. I don't owe you any favors." He grumbled.
"Wait! Please wait!" Nabiki pleaded, and you could tell just by looking at her how much she hated the idea of groveling like this. "I'm sorry Ryouga. I'm really in trouble here. I really need your help. You wouldn't want to leave Akane's sister in dire straits, now would you?"
Ryouga stopped and turned. "I suppose not. Why do you want me to smash that thing anyway?"
Nabiki bit her lip. As she was debating what to tell him. One of the guys from the crowd stepped toward Ryouga with a grin on his face, intent on enlightening him.
"You say one word Kenji and all your debts are due yesterday!" Nabiki snarled. The boy grumbled and backed off. Nabiki turned back to Ryouga. "There's some... embarrassing pictures in here that I need to take out, but I can't get the lock open. Please help me out here."
Ryouga sighed and shrugged off his pack. "Oh, alright." He stepped up to Nabiki and cocked a fist back.
He waited.
"Uh, Nabiki? I can't exactly smash this thing with you standing in the way." He said dryly.
Nabiki winced. "Oh... right." Reluctantly, she stepped aside.
Ryouga nodded. "Much better." Then he turned his attention to the notice board.
It was a mistake.
The boy stronger than a mountain plummeted backward in a fountain of blood, felled by a mighty opponent known as the 8' by 10' glossy.
"Oh for..." Nabiki groaned, then quickly resumed her protective position in front of the board.
Ranma, who had come a bit closer to watch how things went, fell over laughing, and even I couldn't help but giggle at the pathetic figure Ryouga had cut. He's a nice guy and all, but it was still funny. As for Nabiki, I considered this fair payback for what she always did to Ranchan.
Nabiki glared darkly at the laughing Ranma. "Are you just going to sit there and laugh at me Saotome?"
Ranma got control of himself and stood up, wiping a tear. "Oh no, Nabiki. Not by a long shot." He walked back over to a tree and produced a megaphone.
"Gentlemen! How did you like my little sample on the board?"
Resounding cheers answered for him.
"Little sample!" Nabiki yelled angrily. "It looks like you gave them the whole thing!"
Ranma grinned, and called back with the megaphone. "Don't be silly, Nabiki. The whole thing is right here." He said, holding up a spread of photos. "Come one, come all! See the infamous Ice Queen of Furinkan *spread* *WIDE* for your viewing pleasure! It's the money shot folks! Come and get 'em while supplies last! I've only got a hundred or so. Multiple poses; trade and collect them all!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Nabiki wailed as she abandoned the board and charged Ranma. He of course, effortlessly leapt over her poorly executed flying tackle and landed on top of her. He sat himself down comfortably on her back, pinning her to the ground with his greater weight.
I probably should have helped Nabiki out, girls sticking together and all that. Unfortunately two things were on my mind that prevented me from doing so, never mind the fact that Ranma was so much better than me that it wouldn't make much difference if I did. First, so far I hadn't done anything to harm Ranma (at least I hope I didn't) I wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea of putting my name on his Payback List. Second, the last time Nabiki swindled me out of my profit margin was still fresh in my mind.
So I was being petty. Sue me.
Nabiki stopped squirming long enough to ask Ranma "Are those shots really me with my legs open? You're pulling my leg right? There's no way you've got the balls to-"
Ranma put one of the pictures in front of her face.
"Eep!" She squeaked, taking the picture in trembling hands. "W-w-what's that thing in my... my..."
Ranma took the picture back and examined it. "Huh? Oh. It's your toothbrush. Why?"
Nabiki answered by making spitting noises. Ranma waited for a minute to see if she had anything else to say and then waved the guys over.
The boys rushed up to buy the photos. I recognized a grinning Hiroshi as the first. I don't keep track of such things of course, but I think he was into Nabiki for quite a bit, and she kept jacking up her interest rates the longer he owed, insuring that he could never get out of her debt.
"How much Ranma?" he asked.
Ranma, perched atop the squirming Nabiki, rubbed his chin in thought. "Hmm. Good question. How much does she charge for those topless photos of my girl form?"
"3000 yen for a set of 5." Hiroshi answered immediately.
Ranma frowned. "So, you're one of the guys that by 'em, huh? My own buddy Hiroshi?"
Hiroshi looked remarkably awkward. "Um... well you see..." He wisely gave up trying to explain. He bowed. "I'm sorry Ranma."
Ranma snorted. "Hmph! Well I guess I'll forgive ya. Got bigger fish to fry after all. You might as well keep the ones you got. There ain't gonna be no more of me. And you *are* going to let me know if someone very foolishly tries to sell more, aren't you guys?" Ranma asked with a warning frown.
"Got it." Hiroshi gulped. The rest mumbled their agreement as well.
Ranma smiled. "Good! That's settled then. 3000 yen for five, huh? Well I guess that tells me what sort of price to set for these pics right?" He made a show of tugging his lip in thought. "How's about... 10 yen a shot?"
"WHAT?" Nabiki shrieked. "Only 10 yen!?!"
"Well, Nabiki, you ain't nearly as good looking as my girl half. I gotta give these guys a fair price for what they're buying."
"You call 10 yen fair?" She snapped.
"You want them to go for 5?" He threatened. That shut her up. I remember wondering why she cared how little the pictures were selling for, but I never did understand Nabiki's twisted mind.
Ranma began dealing. "That's right. There you go. Just drop the coins in the cup. What? You want two? All right but go to the end of the line and pick em up one by one. I don't want anybody having to go without here. And don't go away gentlemen, you wouldn't want to miss the next item I'm putting up for sale. Oh, hi Kunou! I'll give you one for free. Maybe it will inspire you to new romances. Enjoy! Next?"
Eventually Ranma ran out of photos, and he reached over to his bookbag. "Ok gentlemen, now for the big ticket item! Unlike those photos with the unattractive model, this next item is actually worth something."
Nabiki snorted angrily, causing Ranma to grin wider. He pulled out a small red notebook, like the kind you keep addresses in.
"Feast your eyes ladies and gentlemen, on Nabiki Tendou's little red book."
Nabiki turned completely pale. "No... He wouldn't. He would. RANMA SAOTOME DON'T YOU DARE!"
"I'm feeling daring today." Ranma grinned.
Hiroshi looked confused. "Hey Ranma, what's the deal with the red book? Is it her diary or something?"
Ranma held it high. "Nothing so innocent, my friend. This book is where Nabiki keeps record of all the people who owe her money, and how much. I've had a look inside. There's way too many names for her to remember. You burn it and I figure about 75% of you get off Scott free."
The crowd, now much larger, cheered.
"So people, who wants to be the one to set this damn thing on fire? And how much are you willing to pay for the honor? Let's start the bidding at 5000 yen."
"Ranma!" Nabiki snarled. "Are you insane? Where do you think the rice you eat comes from huh? This is how I keep my family fed! You sell that book and we all starve!"
"Try getting a job. Honest work can be very rewarding." Ranma said wryly. "I hear 7000! Do I have 7500? 7500! Do I have 8000?"
I'm going to get you for this Saotome! You're going to pay dearly for this!" Nabiki snarled.
"Name one thing you can do to me that I can't do back to you ten times worse." Ranma countered. "I think today is a good example. 8500! Do I hear 9000?"
As Nabiki broke down into sobs, the little red book finally sold for 255 000 yen: a veritable fortune. The crowd had divided up into groups and pooled their money. Ranma handed the winners a lighter, and they torched it. They danced gleefully around the flames like aboriginals around a bonfire.
Ranma sat back on the thoroughly miserable Nabiki and whistled as he counted his money. You could buy a fairly decent previously owned car for that much.
"Well, it's been fun Nabiki, but I've gotta go. Class is gonna start any second." He said as he stood up, tossing something into the dirt in front of her face. "Here's the key for the notice board. Though if I were you, I'd be more worried about the pictures I put up on the walls of your classroom. Those ones are superglued right on. Might be a while before anyone can manage to get those ones down. Bye now!" He chuckled cheerfully, marching off to class with a very satisfied smile.
Now I don't like Nabiki, I've said that already, but even I was feeling sorry for her by this point, and maybe a little guilty for not trying to help her out before. I stood her up gently and picked up the key. She was a total wreck; sobbing, crying, and barely able to move under her own power.
I unlocked the notice board and handed her the pictures. I kinda palmed one for myself, thinking I could show it to her the next time she thought she had me over a barrel; that would take the wind out of her sails pretty quick. I don't think she even noticed me slipping the one into my shirt. I led her to her classroom. At the door I handed her one of my throwing spatulas.
"Here. You can probably scrape the pictures off the wall with this. Even if you can't, you can scratch them up so that they're not visible."
She accepted the spatula with a nod and opened the door to her class. She winced as she saw that her whole class was already inside, all chatting and laughing at the pictures. Even the teacher was smirking at the photos. Nabiki's way of making money hadn't left her with many friends.
There wasn't much I could do about that, so I left her to face the music herself.
Back in my class, Ranma was still grinning and counting his money.
"That was pretty awful, Ranma." I said. I made up my mind a while ago that I wasn't going to call *this* Ranma 'Ranchan'.
He shrugged. "True, but can you say she didn't earn it? You'd have a hard time finding anyone at this school who doesn't think she had this coming."
I had to agree with that. "How'd you get her in all those poses without her waking up?"
"Saotome school of Anything Goes pressure point attacks. The sleepy spot will knock out an opponent for about 30 minutes, but if a person's already asleep, and has next to no adrenaline running through their system, it keeps them napping for hours."
"I see." I said warily. "What are you going to do with all that money?"
"Well, Nabiki did make one good point. I've ruined her family's income. So I'm gonna give 200 000 of it to Kasumi so they don't starve while Nabiki finds other ways to make money."
"That's nice of you." I said, a bit surprised that this Ranma would do anything like that.
"Kasumi's taken good care of me. No reason she should have to suffer for her sister's criminal behavior."
That made a little more sense to me. This Ranma wasn't nice, but he had a strong belief in justice.
Ranma put the money away and yawned. "I think I'll take a nap. Didn't get too much sleep last night." And with that he put his head down and went to sleep.
I just shook my head, wondering where things were going with Ranma... and with Ranchan. I had a lot of time to think before lunch when he awoke. I managed to convince the teachers that waking Ranma wouldn't be in the best interests of their health today. Ranchan's reputation as a martial artist was well known to all the teachers, so they took my advice very seriously.
Akane didn't show up for class. I found out later that she took one look at her sister's situation and ran home. Looks like I wasn't the only one who wasn't willing to risk getting on Ranma's bad side for Nabiki's sake. Nabiki sold pictures of her too.
When he woke up (some internal clock telling him it was time to eat, I suspect) he was Ranchan again.
"Oh hey Ucchan." He yawned. Then he blinked. "Why are we back in school?"
"What's the last thing you remember?" I asked.
"We were going home after school ended. I saw Nabiki selling pictures of me again." He said.
"Ranma, stay calm!"
He blinked at me. "I am calm. It's kinda weird, actually. For some reason I ain't mad at her anymore." He frowned in thought. "I didn't flip out again, did I?"
"I'm afraid so, Sugar." I said sadly. "That was yesterday. Last night you apparently snuck into Nabiki's room and decided to return the favor." I showed him the picture."
His eyes bugged out looking at it. I put the photo away. I wasn't too thrilled with the idea of my fiancée staring at pictures of other women naked. With the nasty Ranma it didn't bother me as much, but this Ranma was *my* Ranma.
"Whoa... so I sold pictures of her for a change?"
"That's putting it mildly, Sugar. You also auctioned off her book with all the people who owe her money in it. There's 255 000 yen in your bag from the sale."
Ranma looked shocked. "That much?"
I nodded. "You said you wanted to give 200 000 of it to Kasumi so that the Tendous don't starve while Nabiki covers her losses." Wouldn't do to have him forget that part.
He still looked stunned, but he nodded. "Alright. That's fair."
I looked at him seriously. "Ranchan, pictures even worse than this one are circulating all over the school. Now you've got Akane AND Nabiki against you. I really think you should move in with me, for your own safety if nothing else."
He looked worried. "You really think it's gotten that bad?"
I nodded. "Definitely. Even without counting how Mr. Tendou's gonna freak out, Nabiki's upset enough to try stabbing you in your sleep."
He winced. "Yeesh! Maybe you're right."
We stayed sitting at our desks as we started eating our lunches. Something occurred to me that I still feel bad about mentioning to this day, but it had to be said.
"Ranchan..."
"Mmm?" He asked with his mouth full.
"Have I ever... done anything to hurt you, to make you mad at me?"
"Huh?" He blinked in confusion. "Wait... you think I'm gonna... Aw geez Ucchan! I'd never do anything like that to you!" He insisted.
"I know *you* wouldn't Ranchan. You're the nicest guy I know." I assured him, putting my hand over his, and for once he didn't try to pull away. "But I'm not perfect and there may have been something I did or still do that hurt or offended you, something that you didn't think was fair. I want to know what that might be. Please, take a minute and think about it." I insisted.
He sat back and crossed his arms, focusing his admittedly rarely used brain back over the time he'd known me. I waited patiently.
Finally, he looked up. "About the only thing I can think of is you attacking me when you first showed up in Nerima, and blaming me for what my Pop did to you when we were six. But that wasn't your fault, and I don't hold it against you. You forgave me right? So I forgave you for attacking me, and now we're... best friends. I don't think there's anything I'm still mad about with you, Ucchan."
I smiled. "I'm glad. There shouldn't be any secrets or hidden grudges between two people as close as us. I really felt bad about attacking you back then, once I found out how things really were."
Ranchan shrugged and grinned. "Like I said, water under the bridge."
I paused to think. "Ranchan, just in case there's anything else you didn't want to tell me, or that you remember later, I want to say that I'm sorry. I never want to be the one to hurt you in any way, ever. I want you to know that and never doubt it."
Ranchan looked depressed. "Right, so my other self don't attack you or nothing."
I shook my head. "No Ranchan. That's not it. What I care about is how *you* feel about me. I don't ever want you to think I don't care about you or your feelings. This whole split personality business has just got me thinking, that I may have done something to you without thinking of your feelings, or because I get too caught up in what I want and forget about what you want." Oh please! Don't bring up the engagement, I pleaded with him silently. Don't let that be something only I want!
"Ucchan..." He said, his eyes filled with emotion. He opened his mouth a few times to say something, but eventually he just gave up and smiled at me. That was answer enough to suit me, and I smiled back at him.
We went back to eating our lunches. After a minute, Ranchan asked me.
"So, what about you?"
"What about me?"
"I mean, is there anything I do that bugs you?"
I laughed. "Oh, I don't think you have to worry about my inner frustrations taking me over and turning on you Ranchan." And what would they do if they did? Rape the poor boy I suspect. Somehow I can't see him fighting too hard to get away, but maybe that's just my ego talking.
He waved that thought away. "Naw, I know that won't happen. It's just what you said before, about not wanting to have any secret grudges between friends. So I wanna know."
I thought about it, then gave him a wry smirk. "Okay Ranchan. How's this? It ticks me off that you keep calling me your friend. I mean, I am that of course, but I'm supposed to be more. I'm your fiancée, and I'm in love with you, so every time you call me 'pal' or 'buddy', it's kinda like a blow to my femininity, you know? I may not dress like a girl, but I am one, and I'd like to be treated that way now and then."
Ranchan looked honestly and truly surprised. I guess he really didn't know how I felt. I mean I knew he wasn't that observant, but I'd just assumed he knew. I thought back over the past year and I realized that I hadn't actually said 'I love you' even once. I guess I was just too embarrassed. Well, I was through with that! Not telling him how I feel was probably what let him keep thinking of me as a buddy.
"Ucchan... I... I never knew you felt that way." He blushed and looked down at his lunch, and started eating it slowly. I could tell he was worried, and probably trying to see if I fit in his perspective as being in the same class of the rest of his fiancées. Time to nip that one in the bud.
I leaned forward and grinned slyly at him. "So... now that you know, would you rather sleep in my bedroom than the spare room tonight?"
Ranma spewed rice halfway across the room. I laughed until I fell out of my chair.
"Hahahaha! Oh Ranchan, I was only kidding!"
He coughed, trying to get a bit of rice he swallowed wrong out of his windpipe. "That was a joke?"
I got up grinning and thumped him on the back, helping him dislodge the food from his throat. "Course it was! Who do you take me for, Shampoo? Sleeping in the same room's rushing things a bit, in my opinion. You're not the only one who gets shy and nervous, you know."
He looked at me in surprise. "I'm not?"
I squeezed his shoulder. "Of course not. I kinda like the idea of living with you, but I want to see how I feel about you sleeping in the room next to mine first before we go on to the next step. You don't mind, do you? You don't think I'm trying to keep you at arms length or something?"
Ranma shook his head rapidly. "No no! I... I don't think I wanna sleep in your room either... I mean, not that there's anything wrong with that... just not quite yet. Like you said, it's kinda rushing things, isn't it?"
I grinned at him. "Right." He smiled shyly back.
Maybe this split personality thing was a blessing in disguise. This had been the most intimate conversation the two of us have ever had. On the other hand...
I looked at him seriously. "Ranchan, if you're done eating, now might be a good time to get your stuff from the Tendou's. Once Nabiki gets home, things are gonna get ugly."
Ranma nodded sadly. "You're probably right."
"I also want to go talk to Dr. Tofu again. The first time you changed, you took a nap right after and switched back. This time you stayed as the other you for a whole evening and morning, even though you went to sleep in-between. He should know about this."
Ranma nodded. "We'll go see him after I get my stuff."
I wasn't exactly correct about the Tendou house being in ignorance. Akane had seen most of what happened, and wasted no time telling everyone else. Kasumi answered the door and immediately shuffled us outside, closing the door behind her.
"Ranma-kun, are you yourself right now?"
"Yes Kasumi, he is." I answered. "What's wrong?"
"Akane came home and told father what your other self did to Nabiki. I don't think it's a good idea to come in just now."
Ranma looked miserable. "I'm really sorry. Ucchan told me about it at lunch. I can't believe I did that."
Kasumi put a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. "It's not your fault Ranma, but I really don't think you should go in."
He nodded. "We thought so too. Ucchan's offered to let me stay at her place for a while."
Kasumi pondered that. "Perhaps that would be best."
"We came to pick up his stuff." I offered.
Kasumi nodded. "I understand. Go into your room through the window and leave the same way. I'll wait until you're gone to tell them."
Ranma offered a weak smile. "Thanks Kasumi-oneechan. You're the best."
She smiled at him. "Take good care of yourself little brother." She hugged him. "I'll see you soon. If you ever want to talk to me, I go shopping at the market every day around 1:00. Just come find me and I'll come back to the Ucchan with you for a visit."
"Thanks Kasumi-oneechan." Ranma said with heartfelt gratitude. I felt similarly towards her. If there was one good thing about living at the Tendou's, then Kasumi was it. I knew we could count on her help with Ranchan.
She waited with me while Ranchan took to the roof to fetch his stuff.
"Kasumi, can I ask you something?"
"Certainly."
"I think it's fairly safe to say, at this point, that the union of the Tendou and Saotome clans is a lost cause, at least with this generation."
She nodded. "I'm afraid I have to agree."
I twiddled my thumbs nervously as I continued. "Ranchan's living with me now, and I know this is getting way ahead of ourselves, and I'm not going to push him, especially now, but..."
She smiled. "You want to know how I would feel about you marrying Ranma, right?"
I nodded. "I'd be lying if I said what Akane thinks would bother me much, considering the way she treats him, but you're different. It sorta matters to me what your opinion of me is. I can't really say why."
She smiled gently at me. "Ukyou, in my honest opinion, you are a far better match for Ranma than Akane would ever be. I can't say I like what that would do to our family's honor, but I want everyone to be happy. I don't think that would happen if Ranma were forced to marry Akane, especially with what's happened recently. You're a very nice girl Ukyou, and I hope you and Ranma can be happy together. If it's my blessing you're looking for, then I'll give it to you, so long as that's what Ranma wants too."
I had to hug her. I couldn't help it. "Thank you... Oneechan."
Kasumi returned my embrace and chuckled. "Goodness! My personal family just keeps growing and growing, doesn't it?"
I laughed with her.
Ranchan came back with his pack over his shoulder. "Okay, that's everything." After giving her the money and telling her what it was for, he bowed respectfully to Kasumi. "Thank you for your wonderful hospitality, Kasumi-oneechan."
Kasumi politely bowed back, completing the small ritual. "You're welcome. Please feel free to visit us again anytime. Um... actually..." she looked embarrassed.
Ranma laughed. "That's ok Oneechan. I understand what you mean. I'll see you again soon."
"Goodbye little brother, and you too little sister." She smiled and waved as we left.
Out in the street, Ranchan turned to me curiously. "'Little sister'?"
I laughed. "It's hard not to love her like family, isn't it?"
He laughed too. "I guess so."
Dr. Tofu listened carefully to everything we told him.
"I see. I think the other personality only stayed long enough to see his plan of revenge carried out. He couldn't leave you in control until that happened. This means that a night's sleep is no real cure."
I nodded. "That makes sense. How are you coming with Ranchan's medication?"
"I can't prescribe him anything myself because I'm not trained to diagnose him properly, but I've set up an appointment with a colleague of mine, a Dr. Hiro Kawasaki."
"Like the motorcycle?"
Dr. Tofu smirked. "No relation. It's set for Friday afternoon this week. So you think you can hold out until then?"
Ranma looked doubtful. "I don't know. I haven't had much luck so far."
The Doctor nodded. "Just do your best to avoid the people who aggravate you. That's all you can do."
"I'll try."
"And I'll help." I said firmly. Ranchan looked at me gratefully.
"Thanks Ucchan."
Dr. Tofu adjusted his glasses. "I don't really want to say this Ukyou, but are you sure it's wise to have Ranma stay with you? His other personality isn't exactly stable. You could be in danger."
Ranchan looked worried, but I waved the Doctor off. "We're one step ahead of you, Doctor. We've already determined that I'm one of the few people that Ranchan doesn't have a beef with. So far, all his other self's done is get some payback from people who have seriously and repeatedly hurt him. I'm confident I don't fall into that category."
That cheered Ranma up a bit.
The doctor was more cautious. "And what if you're wrong?"
I swallowed. "Then... then I'll forgive him."
Ranchan looked at me incredulously. "Ucchan... Do you know what you're saying? Look at what I already did to Akane and Nabiki? What if I did the same things to you, or worse?"
I looked confidently at him. "I'm certain that won't happen Ranchan, because even if there was something you can't remember that I did to hurt you, you already know I'm sorry for it. That can't be said of Nabiki or Akane, and it makes a big difference. And if some part of you does need some kind of retribution to believe that I'm sincerely sorry... then like I said, I'll accept it, and forgive you for it."
Ranma shook his head in wonder. "Ucchan... you're a better frien- Er... I mean fiancée, than I deserve."
I giggled and hugged him. "Glad you think so."
"Me too." Ranma muttered.
Dr. Tofu nodded. "Well, then that's settled. Move in with Ukyou and try to keep your anger in check. I'll write down the address and time of your appointment with Dr. Kawasaki."
After getting the note from the doctor, as well as another that excused us for being late back to class, we dropped of Ranchan's stuff at my restaurant and headed back to school. The rest of the day was surprisingly dull, and when we came back home, we opened the restaurant for business.
"Ok Ranchan, decision time."
"Huh?"
"Waiter or Waitress? A cute waitress will bring in more customers and get you better tips, but I know you don't really like being a girl if you don't have to. I'll leave the choice up to you."
Ranma scratched his head for a minute. "I've been a waitress before, at the Nekohanten, and you're right about the tips. I guess I can handle it."
"I'm not pressing you about this Ranchan. You're gonna keep your own tips, so to me it doesn't matter too much either way."
Ranma nodded. "I understand. I'll still go with waitress. Got anything I can wear?"
Ukyou pulled at her lip. "Not a lot. There's the kimono I sometimes wear to festivals, or I could always put you in one of my chef's outfits, but that's better for the person behind the counter."
Ranma winced. "Yeah, I think I'll pass on the tights that make my butt cry out 'pinch me'."
I gave him a sly look. "I wear those tights every day, Sugar. Is that what *my* butt is saying to you?"
"Ahh... well... no... I mean not that you're not... er... ano..."
I laughed. He's so cute when he's nervous. "Let's leave that conversation for another day, 'kay Ranchan?"
You could almost see him working over how he should respond to that. I gave him an out that neither suggested inappropriate (not that I'd mind) thoughts on his part, or that he might think me unattractive. "Yeah. Another day."
"Good." I grinned at him. I fully intended to continue that conversation once he got over this split personality thing. "So you want the kimono then?"
He shrugged. "It's feminine, but at least my butt's safe... probably."
I giggled. "Come on. I'll get it for you."
***
So that was the second day of the nasty Ranma's revenge, and Nabiki collected on her abuse of Ranma... with interest. The next day was Shampoo's turn...
You know... I really don't want to talk about what she got. I'm sorry, I just don't. I've got to get going anyway. The rehearsal starts soon. I'll see you tomorrow at the wedding Sugar. By now!
Next time: Shampoo get what's coming to her. I'm sure we can find *somebody* willing to spill the beans.
C&C to hinoron@hotmail.com