Me, Myself & Ukyou
Chapter Four
A Ranma 1/2 fanfiction by Ron Hino
I've realized that by declaring it fanfiction, I automatically infer that the characters are not of my creation. Therefor there's really no need for a disclaimer of that sort. That ought to hold up in court, and have you ever heard of anyone being sued for writing fanfiction? The copyright laws in Japan are really quite flexible anyway. That's why all those X-rated doujinshi staring famous anime characters can be published.
Why hello there. You must be one of Ranma and Ukyou's friends. Wasn't it a lovely wedding? And this reception is quite well done as well, though I admit this is the first time I've heard of okonomiyaki being served at such an event. Ukyou's family sort of insisted.
Oh, where are my manners? My name is Saotome Nodoka. I'm Ranma's mother. It's nice to meet you.
My, don't they make a lovely couple? If only that nice girl Akane hadn't refused to be a mistress, or that Shampoo girl for that matter. My son is so manly! I hope Ukyou will be enough for him, and if not he can always meet another nice young lady later I suppose. What do you think of him?
(Her hand strays toward the long bundle she carries. Rather inappropriate to bring to a wedding, you think.)
Oh, you think he's very manly too? How kind of you to say so. My son is fortunate to have a friend like you. He lost so many when he was suffering from schizophrenia.
Oh, you want me to tell you about that? Well, I don't like to gossip...
Anyway, I didn't arrive until most of it had already happened, and my son and daughter-in-law don't really like to talk about it if they can avoid it. However, he was still suffering from his condition when I came back to Nerima the second time to visit the Tendous, in the hopes of catching my husband and son at home...
*** *** ***
Kasumi answered the doorbell. She was surprised to see Ranma's mother standing there at the door.
"Why Auntie Saotome! How nice to see you again!" She said cheerfully.
Nodoka bowed. "It's nice to see you as well, Kasumi-chan. By any chance, are my husband and son here at home?"
Kasumi's expression was briefly filled with worry, but she schooled her face into a smile with the aid of long practice. Given Mr. Saotome's pledge to make Ranma a man-among-men, how would Nodoka take hearing about some of the actions of Ranma's alter-ego? Especially since there were very few people in the house willing to put a positive spin on things. In point of fact, Kasumi was the only one.
She slipped her shoes on, stepped out onto the porch and closed the door behind her. "Please forgive me for not inviting you inside, Auntie, but now is really not the best time. Ranma doesn't live here anymore.
Nodoka blinked. "He doesn't? Whyever not? I thought he was engaged to Akane-chan."
Kasumi winced. "That may take some explaining, and as I said, now's not the best time to talk with the rest of my family. Would you allow me to take you out for tea?"
Nodoka frowned with worry. "What's been going on here, Kasumi-chan? You said Ranma doesn't live here anymore... He's not... dead, is he?"
Kasumi gestured for Nodoka to follow her out into the street. "Oh no, Auntie. He's very much alive and well, as far as I know. Unfortunately, he had a bit of a... falling out with my family, through no fault of his own. My father and sisters are rather upset with him right now, and you know how people can say things they don't mean when they're angry."
"But you're not angry at him, Kasumi-chan?"
Kasumi smiled. "Oh no. Like I said, what happened wasn't his fault."
Nodoka smiled thoughtfully at her. "Such a forgiving child. If Akane has broken the engagement, perhaps Ranma should marry you instead."
Kasumi turned bright red. "Ah! Um... I don't think that would be best, Auntie. I'm far too old for him. Ranma's like a little brother to me, and I know he feels much the same about me."
Nodoka looked amused. "Well, at least you're fond of him. I can see that much."
Kasumi nodded in relief. "Very much so, Auntie. I was looking forward to being his older sister-in-law. I thought I would be quite proud to have him as part of our family."
"Why do you say that in the past tense, dear?"
Kasumi sighed sadly. "I didn't mean that as you might think. I still think highly of him. Unfortunately, I may be the only one in my household willing to forgive him. I'm afraid the union of the Tendou and Saotome schools is a lost cause, at least for this generation."
Nodoka frowned. "My understanding was that their marriage was an honor agreement between our two families, made by my husband. Something truly awful must have happened for those two old fools to abandon it."
Kasumi tugged her lip in thought as they came to the café. "If you're concerned about your family's honor, Auntie, then I should tell you that it was our family who decided to break that agreement, not yours. Further, Ranma is not the one to blame for the incompatibility between him and Akane."
Nodoka sighed. "But she seemed like such a nice young lady."
"She was on her best behavior because it was your first meeting, Auntie. Also, if their engagement were carried through, then you would be the closest thing Akane would have had to a mother since ours died when she was six. I think she was trying really hard to leave you with a good impression."
"Well, I suppose that makes sense. What is she usually like then?"
Kasumi looked uncomfortable. "I don't really like to say bad things about my own family, but... Akane has a truly awful temper; she tends to use her fists to solve problems or arguments, particularly with Ranma. This might not have been so bad if he were not too honorable to strike her back, but Uncle Saotome taught him from a very early age that he shouldn't hit girls."
"I should certainly hope so." Nodoka said.
Kasumi nodded. "Normally I would agree with you Auntie, but when the girl in question is a very proud martial artist herself, she might be inclined to take his refusal to strike back at her as an insult to her skills. This was at least part of Akane's problem. The other part is her own insecurity, violent temper, and immaturity. I'm afraid that, despite all our hopes, she would have made a poor wife to Ranma."
Nodoka sighed. "Well, I'll have to take your word for it, Kasumi-chan, as the lady of your household. How unfortunate!"
Kasumi nodded. "Yes, but better that it ends now than with a divorce within the next five years or less."
"Things seemed to be going well enough when I visited. Perhaps now you should tell me exactly what occurred to bring their relationship to its end?"
Kasumi looked awkward. How to explain this in a way that wouldn't cast an unfavorable light on Ranma's manliness... "I think their biggest problem was a lack of trust. Akane would almost never believe him in anything he said. In fact, combined with her violent tendencies, I'd have to describe her treatment of Ranma as bullying."
"My son allowed himself to be pushed around by a girl?" Nodoka frowned.
Kasumi hedged. "Well... for a time at least. You recall I said that he refused to strike Akane regardless of how she treated him? Eventually however, he refused to put up with it any more. I think his tolerance for her hurtful behavior must have been incredible for him to remain this long, but he couldn't tolerate her treatment of him any longer. It was a rather ugly breakup, and he left to live with one of the other girls he's engaged to, a rather nice girl named Kuonji Ukyou."
Nodoka blinked. "My son is engaged to more than one woman?"
Kasumi nodded sadly. "Your husband did many questionable things during their long training trip. One of them was to accept an okonomiyaki yatai in exchange for Ranma's marrying the owner's daughter. Ranma and Ukyou were both six years old at the time, and good friends. I don't believe Uncle Saotome ever ment to honor that agreement, but it's every bit as legal as the one to our family. More so, in fact, as the dowry was already accepted ten years ago. Furthermore, Ukyou and Ranma get along quite well, more so than any of his other fiancées."
Nodoka's eyes were wide. "There are more?"
"Um... well yes. A girl named Shampoo whom he met in China that he accidentally became engaged to by an obscure law of her village. There's also a girl from a very wealthy family by the name of Kunou Kodachi who's taken an interest in him, though I don't believe she has any true claim on him beyond her own desire. Neither of these girls are anywhere near as good a match for Ranma as Ukyou, in my opinion."
Nodoka just sat there stunned. "My son has four women after him? Well... three now without your sister, but before that... four women?"
Kasumi glanced anxiously at the long bundle leaning against the wall of the café. "Ranma never did anything to encourage them, to my knowledge, but Akane became jealous and blamed him for them anyway. Ranma did nothing wrong or dishonorable with any of them."
Nodoka was not listening. She rose from the table and turned slowly away from Kasumi.
"Auntie? Please don't think less of Ranma because of-"
"YAAAHOOOO! My son is such a stud! He's got three women! THREE! Oh what a man he is! I never before dreamed I'd be so proud to be his mother!" She turned back to Kasumi and pulled the startled girl out of the booth to dance with her in the aisle as she began singing. "My son is a manly man! Manly man! Manly man! My son is a manly man! Oh what a happy day!"
Kasumi stared dumbly at the ecstatic woman before her as she was released. Eventually, she just shrugged and smiled.
Eventually, Nodoka noticed the stares of the other patrons (though admittedly being somewhat appreciative to the middle-aged men who lifted glasses and congratulated her with amused grins) and sat back down in the booth with Kasumi.
"Oh Kasumi! This is wonderful! Please, can I ask you to take me to this girl's home? This Ukyou that my manly son has moved in with?"
Kasumi thought frantically. She'd dropped by the Ucchan a few times recently and knew very well that Ranma was waiting tables in his girl form. She didn't relish trying to explain the curse to Nodoka.
"Well... it's actually a restaurant, called the Ucchan, after its owner. Perhaps it would be more polite to visit after business hours." She advised, hoping the older woman would agree. It would give her time to warn them that the katana-wielding mother was coming.
"Oh, I'm sure they won't mind too much. It's only three in the afternoon. They can't be that busy yet."
***
A very nervous Kasumi led Nodoka into the Ucchan.
"Welcome to... Oh, it's you Kasumi-chan. Who's your friend?"
Kasumi looked around the restaurant. There were a couple of customers, but no Ranma.
"Ranma!" Nodoka cried, and ran forward to embrace Ukyou. "It's me, your mother. Oh it's so good to see you again after all these years!"
Ukyou froze with an odd expression on her face.
Kasumi tapped Nodoka on the shoulder. "Um... Auntie? That's not Ranma. This is Kuonji Ukyou, Ranma's fiancée." She said hesitantly.
Nodoka blinked, and squeezed the person in her arms a few times, reminding Kasumi not a little of Ranma's first encounter with her father.
Nodoka then stepped back from the decidedly uncomfortable chef with embarrassment. "Oh, I'm so sorry. It's just that I haven't seen my son since he was just a baby, so I really don't know what he looks like."
"Don't worry about it." Ukyou said with a neutral expression. "Happens all the time. Getting mistaken for a boy, I mean, not the fondling by strange women."
Nodoka bowed deeply. "I'm really sorry. And here you are such a pretty girl too."
"The clothes of my profession don't do much to flatter my figure, but I manage." Ukyou said diplomatically. "So you're Ranchan's mother?"
Nodoka smiled. "I am indeed. And you are his fiancée, correct?"
Ukyou nodded. "About the only one left, or have you heard about his popularity with girls yet?" She glanced at Kasumi.
The older girl winced. "I've just been telling Auntie about... Akane refusing the engagement. Um... is your waitress, or Ranma here right now?"
Ukyou picked up on her hint: Nodoka didn't know about Ranma's curse. "Out on a delivery, at the moment. One of them should be back in about 15 minutes."
Kasumi nodded. "Well, my family will be wondering where I've gone. I'll leave you two to get to know each other."
Nodoka bowed. "It was nice to see you again, Kasumi-chan."
Ukyou nodded. "See you around, Oneechan. If you should happen to see Ranma, or my waitress on their way back, be sure to tell them that Ranma's mother is here." She said meaningfully
Kasumi gulped and nodded. She would wait outside the door for Ranma to return, so she could warn him (or her).
Ukyou gestured to a stool, forcing a smile. "Well, Mrs. Saotome, why don't you have a seat and I'll whip you up something on the house?"
Nodoka beamed, completely oblivious to Ukyou's uneasiness. "Why I'd love to sample some of your cooking, Ukyou-chan. And you can call me Mother, if you like."
"Er... right... Mother."
***
Some time later, 'Ranko' hesitantly entered the restaurant.
"Why Ranko! How nice to see you finally wearing something more feminine. What brings you here?" Nodoka asked cheerfully.
"Ranko is my waitress." Ukyou offered.
"Um... Hi Auntie." Ranma-chan said carefully. "Yeah, I part-time here."
Nodoka frowned in thought. "Is my son with you dear? Ukyou-chan said you were both out on a delivery."
Ukyou nodded. "Ranma's delivery was the last of his shift. I think he was going to meet with a study group from school. He should be back in another hour or two."
Ranma-chan nodded gratefully for the out she'd been handed. Of course, in a couple of hours, she'd have to 'go home' and come back in male, but she wasn't about to complain. No plan was perfect.
"Oh dear." Nodoka said in disappointment. "I suppose I'll just have to wait. You'd think after more than 15 years I could manage a little patience."
"We understand your eagerness." Ukyou said diplomatically. "Ranko-chan, order for table three." She called as she tossed the redhead two plates.
Ranko caught them easily, as well as the two hot okonomiyaki that followed shortly after.
Nodoka clapped at the impromptu juggling. "You're so talented, Ranko-chan!"
"One of the benefits of having her and Ranma working here." Ukyou smirked. "Dinner with floor show."
"I'll bet that brings in customers."
The chef grinned. "You bet! Cute waitress, plus high-level martial arts demonstrations means a good profit day for me. Not that I don't have my personal reasons for wanting Ranma here too."
Nodoka smiled slyly. "I'd certainly expect as much. Tell me, do you think grandchildren are likely to be in my future soon?"
Ukyou nearly fumbled the okonomiyaki she was flipping. "Ah... we don't... I mean... Ranma's been a perfect gentleman while he's here. I kinda figure he wants to wait until after we're married to start in on... that. He sleeps in my spare room." She managed, her face beet red.
Nodoka looked disappointed. "Oh dear. That's not very manly. I think I shall have to have a talk with him about that when he gets here." She fingered her wrapped bundle.
Ukyou took offence. "Hey! Mind your own business!"
"But don't you see my dear? I'm his mother. It's very much my business. Ranma must become a man or else go to his ancestors along with his father."
Ukyou growled. "What kind of mother threatens her child with a sword, for behaving honorably, no less!"
Nodoka scowled. "How dare you question our family honor! Didn't your parents teach you to respect the will of your elders? I am Ranma's mother, and he will do as I tell him to. If you don't understand even that then perhaps you're not as fit to be my son's bride as I at first thought! You'll be fortunate if I permit him to keep you as a mistress, you insolent girl!"
Ukyou was about to retort, but was interrupted by the slam of Ranma-chan's palms against the counter. The redhead had somehow managed to come around to stand beside Ukyou without catching either of the women's attentions.
Ranma-chan hung her head, as though speaking under a great burden. "You think Ranma will do as you tell him, to give up Ucchan, just because you gave birth to him?"
Nodoka frowned at the 'girl'. "Most certainly. That is his duty to his mother. I really don't think you should involve yourself in this discussion, Ranko-chan."
Ranma-chan's head came up suddenly, her eyes blazing with fury. "I'm already involved! You talk about his duty to you, but what about your duty to him? You think giving birth is enough to give you the right to tell him how to live his life? How dare you presume so much! You're not fit to call yourself his mother!"
Ukyou was staring at Ranma-chan with wide eyes, recalling that Ranma's shrink had told them that the medication wouldn't take full effect for another day and a half. This was clearly Ranma's more volatile self speaking.
Nodoka looked hurt. "Ranko-chan! How can you say such a thing to me?"
"You abandoned him! You threw away your motherhood and left him in the hands of a fool not fit to raise a dog! Do you have any idea how much he suffered on that training journey? Can you even conceive the horrors that fat imbecile would subject him to in the name of 'training'? The only reason Genma hasn't been locked away in prison for child abuse is because he's the only family Ranma has ever known! Ranma grew up alone and in pain, never knowing what it was like to be loved by anyone. The closest he came was the extremely rare words of approval from his father when he managed to survive one of the ridiculous tests he put Ranma through!"
Nodoka opened her mouth in shock, but Ranma-chan pressed on without giving her time to speak.
"And when you finally show up, what do you do? You wave a sword around and threaten to kill him! You may say you love your son, but carrying that damn katana around puts the lie to your words! There are very few people in the world who Ranma can believe care about him for who he is. I know he was hoping his own mother would be one of those, but no! You'll only love him if he makes himself out to be exactly who you want him to be, and kill him in cold blood if he's even a fraction less then that! It would almost be a forgivable crime if there was any way for a human being to match the dream in your head! You don't have any faith in him at all, or else why would you carry the sword and contract with you everywhere you go! You're just looking for an excuse to chop his head off, aren't you? ADMIT IT!" She screamed into the shaking woman's face.
"No..." Nodoka whispered, as tears streamed down her face. "No, that's not what I want..."
Ranma-chan's glare was cold as ice. "Says the woman with the sword in her hand, and the seppuku contract in her pocket. Get lost, you bloodthirsty bitch! You have no right to decide so much as what Ranma eats for breakfast, much less dictate his entire life to him! If I and the people who truly care about Ranma have any say in the matter, you'll never set eyes on your son again! We will protect him from the monster that birthed him!"
Nodoka retreated back from the hate in the eyes of the young girl she'd become so fond of since they first met in the canal. Choking off a cry, she fled from the restaurant, and from the child she'd once wished were her own daughter, in tears.
Ukyou swallowed and hesitantly approached Ranma-chan. "That was... pretty harsh, Ranma..." she began.
Whatever she'd been planning to say went out the window as Ranma-chan collapsed behind the counter in tears. Hesitantly, the chef reached down and embraced the redhead.
"Ranchan... is that you?"
Through choking sobs, Ranma-chan answered. "It... it's me, Ucchan. It was me the whole time! I'm the one who said all those horrible things about my own mother! I... I can't believe I said that to her! Maybe I really am a monster!"
Ukyou gently lay her fiancé's head upon her shoulder and held her close while she sobbed. "It's alright Ranchan. It'll be okay. You're not a monster, just a human being. Whatever happens, I'll always be by your side, I promise."
It was more than half an hour before Ranma managed to let go of her fiancée, needing the other's strength to again find her own. Ukyou noted that most of the customers had politely left somewhere between the screaming match and the crying. One of her regulars even turned the sign around to 'closed' so they wouldn't be interrupted. She made a note to give that kindly old man a freebie the next time he stopped in.
Ukyou carried Ranma-chan in her arms to the second floor, where she lay the miserable girl down in her futon. Once she was sure Ranma-chan would be okay by herself, the chef returned to reopen the restaurant. One of the sad realities of owning one's own business was that the doors always had to be open for customers, regardless of what was going on in one's personal life.
After she'd closed for the night, Ukyou came upstairs to find Ranma-chan had left her own bedroom and fallen asleep in Ukyou's futon. She smiled down at the slumbering redhead.
She thought to herself. Ukyou changed into her nightclothes and snuggled up next to her presently female fiancé. Everything they'd gone through together had banished the last of the awkwardness that forced the pair to sleep in separate rooms. She made up her mind to put her foot down tomorrow night, when Ranma would undoubtedly attempt to go back to their previous sleeping arrangements. The time had come for them to enjoy this innocent indulgence of each other's company. Even if they did nothing sexual, Ukyou wanted to be close to Ranma, now more than ever.
The cross-dressing chef wrapped her arm around the cross-gender boy, and slept the most peaceful sleep she could remember.
***
It was a week later when Nodoka returned to the Ucchan. 'Ranko' was again waiting tables. She paused in her work to give the older woman an expressionless gaze.
Nodoka's face was a tight mask of pain, as she walked up to the redhead.
"I've had a lot of time to think over what you said, Ranko-chan," she said in a voice choked with emotion, "and you were right about many things. As you can see, I've left my sword behind. I must say, it feels very odd to be without it. I've carried it with me wherever I went for the last fifteen years. It was the physical proof I could hold in my hand, of the promise my husband made to me. It helped give me the faith to believe he would carry out his promise, despite all the ones he'd broken before."
Ranma-chan said nothing as Nodoka reached into her kimono and drew out a yellowed sheet of paper. "I have, however, brought the seppuku pledge with me."
Without another word, Nodoka walked over to the grill and lay the contract flat on the cooking surface. Ukyou and Ranma watched as the paper blackened, and eventually caught flame. All three women watched in silence as the 15 year-old promise went up in smoke. When it was nothing more than ashes staining Ukyou's grill, Nodoka turned to face them both with a sad smile.
"I have made my decision. I am a mother, first and foremost. I do not care if Genma has fulfilled his promise or not. I only care that I have wasted 15 years of my life, which I could have spent with my only child. It is, as you have said, far too late to undo the damage of my negligence, but I hope that Ranma can find it in his heart to forgive his foolish mother. I have, again as you said, forfeited my right to have a say in how he chooses to live his life, but I hope there is at least some small way in which I can be a part of it. I lived nearly all of Ranma's live with nothing to sate me but my family's honor, and I know now that such is not nearly enough. I love my son, and I miss him terribly. Do you think it even remotely possible that either of you girls ever forgive this foolish woman her mistakes?"
Ranma-chan dashed forward and hugged her mother, crying tears of remorse. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry I hurt you! Of course I can forgive you, if you can forgive me for all the horrible things I said to you."
"Ranko-chan..." Nodoka said wistfully as she joined the tearful embrace. "You've taught me how to love my son. I could forgive you anything."
Ukyou grinned as she came around the counter and joined the embrace. "We'll hold you to that... Mother."
"Ukyou-chan. You've defended your fiancé well, against a most difficult and stubborn opponent. I think you would make a fine addition to the Saotome family, one I would be proud to call my daughter."
The three women separated with smiles.
"Then I think it's time to introduce you to someone." Ukyou grinned.
Ranma-chan nodded. "Yes, it's long past time."
Ukyou turned to Ranma-chan as Nodoka's face lit up with hope. "Ranchan, why don't you change clothes. You wouldn't want to ruin my kimono, would you?"
Ranma-chan laughed. "You have a point. I'll be right back." She dashed up the stairs to the second floor."
"Is my son upstairs?" Nodoka asked breathlessly.
"In a manner of speaking." Ukyou said wryly.
Ranko came down a moment later, this time dressed in the Chinese-style clothes Nodoka had seen her in when she visited the Tendous.
"Ranko-chan? Where is my son?" Nodoka asked in confusion.
Ranma-chan's smiled sadly as she grasped a kettle from the kitchen. "You're about to meet him. I only hope you can forgive us for deceiving you before now."
Nodoka nodded impatiently. "I know you've been hiding him from me, but what..."
Her voice trailed off as Ranko poured the kettle over her head and began to grow. Shaking the water from his hair, Ranma spoke in a much deeper voice.
"My real name is Saotome Ranma, and I'm your son... Mom."
Nodoka stood there with her mouth open for several minutes, torn between shock and longing. Finally, she rushed forward and embraced her long-lost son, basking in the joy of at long last holding him in her arms.
"Ranma! Ranma is that really you?"
"It's me, Mom." Ranma said with much emotion, as he returned her embrace.
After a moment, Nodoka abruptly pushed him back and held him by the shoulders. "But you were Ranko? A girl! How is this possible?"
Ranma self-consciously scratched the back of his head. "Kind of a long story. One of the places Pop took me to train was called Jyusenkyo, the Valley of the Cursed Springs of Sorrow. It's basically a bunch of little pools with poles sticking out of them. Trainees are meant to fight up on top of the poles and try not to get knocked in. Unfortunately, the magic of the springs changes whoever falls in into the form of whatever last drowned in it. I fell into Nyanniichuan, the Spring of Drowned Girl; and Pop fell into Shamaoniichuan, the Spring of Drowned Panda."
A wide-eyed Nodoka felt her son over, as if making doubly sure his womanly breasts were in fact gone. "But... you change into a girl... and a panda? Wait! Mr. Panda is your father?"
Ranma nodded sadly. "Yeah. Cold water changes a person into their cursed form, and hot water changes them back. That's why I was a girl when you first met me, because I fell into the canal."
Nodoka was still confused. "But... are you a man or a woman?"
Ranma resisted the urge to snap at his mother. "I'm a guy. The spring only alters the body. I'm still me inside, even when I'm a girl. That's the truth of it Mom, my mind and heart don't change. Still, you can sorta see why Pops was a bit reluctant to let you see me, what with that seppuku pledge and all."
Nodoka frowned worriedly. "Well, yes. I suppose so. You say your heart doesn't change? So you don't find men attractive or desire to do feminine things?"
Ranma made a face. "Eww! No way! I like girls, no question! And as for doing girly things, there's been times when I've had to dress to suit my gender, but I always wear guy's underwear underneath. The thought of wearing bras and panties just makes me ill."
Nodoka actually chuckled at that. "Well that's something, at least. Ranma, I haven't really had much opportunity to get to know the real you, but I'd like to think that I wouldn't have held this curse against you if I hadn't already burned the contract. If your spirit remains that of a man, then the state of your body is less important."
Ranma smiled. "Thanks Mom. It's nice to hear you say that."
Nodoka tugged her lip. "Of course, calming me down long enough to convince me of that might have been difficult. At first glance, it appears my foolish husband has failed in his promise beyond anything I could have imagined, doesn't it?"
Ranma swallowed nervously. "I... ah... no comment."
Ukyou stepped forward. "Ranma is more than man enough for me. His curse doesn't change the man he is inside. I hate to throw this is your face yet again, but thanks to that stupid promise, you don't know him well enough to pass judgement on him. I, on the other hand, do. Ranma is the *man* that I want to marry. Take my word for it."
Nodoka smiled. "With delight, daughter-in-law. With delight. Besides, I've abandoned the seppuku pledge, without regret, may I add. You will never have to fear I will ask for your life, my son." Nodoka said firmly as Ranma sighed with relief.
Nodoka's expression darkened. "Now my lying furball of a husband, on the other hand..." She growled. "He and I are definitely going to have a few words regarding how he treated my baby during those 15 years. Honestly! What on Earth could have possessed him to take you to such a dangerous place as this... Jyusenkyo, was it?"
Ukyou snorted. "That's nothing. You should tell her about the Nekoken training, Ranchan."
Ranma shuddered. "I'd rather not."
Nodoka blinked. "What is this 'cat-fist' training?"
"It's the thing that would most convince any jury to throw him in jail forever, on charges of child abuse." Ukyou said grimly.
Nodoka frowned and turned to her son. "Ranma?"
The boy in question shuddered again and turned away. "I don't want to talk about it, not now not ever! If I even try to describe it, it's almost as bad as being back in the pit!"
Nodoka looked worriedly at her distraught son. "Then would you allow Ukyou-chan to tell me about it? I wish to know every harm that Genma has brought you."
Ukyou looked at her fiancé. "Well, Ranma?"
Ranma glanced back and forth between the two. "Fine, but let me get out of earshot first. I'll go for a walk or something."
Ukyou nodded. "I can handle things here by myself for a bit. Come back in a few minutes though, Ok sugar?"
Ranma nodded unhappily as he vacated the restaurant.
Nodoka watched him go as she sat down on a stool. Ukyou took her place behind the grill to whip up her mother-in-law something to eat.
"It's so bad he can't even hear someone talk about it?" She asked in concern.
"Not while maintaining his dignity, at least." Ukyou said grimly.
"Tell me everything, Ukyou-chan." Nodoka said seriously.
The chef nodded. "Alright. Let's get one thing straight. I don't say this to insult your family, or anything, but your husband is the biggest imbecile on the planet!"
"Agreed." Nodoka said without blinking.
"Right then. Now that we're both on the same page; as I heard it, he found this old book describing forbidden techniques of the Anything-Goes school. Naturally, he assumed that 'forbidden' just meant that they were really powerful; not to be attempted by less serious students, as opposed to say; forbidden for a damn good reason."
"Naturally." Nodoka muttered.
"So he flips to the page with the technique called the Nekoken, which increases the speed, power, and ferocity of a fighter many times over, not to mention Ranma can do this thing where he forms these invisible claws out of ki energy that can slice through steel. I'm not sure if that was actually described in the manual or just implied. I've never read the damn thing."
"It sounds like a very impressive technique." Nodoka said guardedly.
"Oh it is, in a way." Ukyou muttered sarcastically. "But wait until I tell you how to get a student to master it! First, you wrap the trainee up in fish-sausages..."
***
Ranma came back to the restaurant about ten minutes later, and was nearly bowled over as his mother came storming out the door in a rage.
"Oh, hello dear. I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut this visit short. I have this urgent desire to see how closely I can shave a panda bear's fur with a katana, and I have to rush home to fetch it before I can try. Pity I never bothered to study kenjitsu. I suspect I may nick the unfortunate creature a few times in the attempt." She snapped, though her ire was obviously not directed towards her son.
Ranma chuckled. "Just be sure to leave something for me. Bastard or not, he's the only thing I've had in the way of family for the last 15 years."
"A mistake I fully intend to rectify, Ranma-dear. Do not fear. Death is to good for that one!" She snarled, marching off.
"Try selling him to the zoo!" he called after her. "I find it very therapeutic every now and then!"
He chuckled and returned to the restaurant.
*** *** ***
So that's how my son and I came to be reunited. As per my son's wishes, my worthless husband still lives, although he walks with a limp these days. You wouldn't believe how fast a man that overweight can run. I thought it best to make it easier on myself in the future. I'm sure you agree that it's not very dignified for a lady to run, not to mention rather difficult in a kimono.
Sometime later, my son and daughter-in-law explained to me about the stress-induced schizophrenia caused largely by all the problems my husband made for him. I suspect that they gave me a somewhat edited version, but I respect them too much to ask for the unpleasant details. It is enough that I understand that there is no hope of joining the Saotome and Tendou schools in marriage, at least with the current generation. I've no doubt Ukyou-chan will soon be handing me my grandchild, and who can say what the future will hold?
Up until that day in the restaurant, I've lived my life solely to maintain my family's honor, and now I live to maintain its happiness. Honor is better served when treated as a side effect of living a good life, rather than a means onto itself, or so I now believe. I live for my family, including my fool of a husband, who I have recently invited back into my house.
What? You expected me to divorce the old fool? There were reasons I married him in the first place, you know. There are *some* things about him that can be considered commendable. 15 years is a long time to sleep in a cold bed alone, after all. Of course, it may please you to know that he slept on the back porch for over a month before being permitted to fulfill his marital obligations once more. Even I am not entirely forgiving of him.
Well, I suppose that's the end to the story. Ranma and Ukyou are happily married, and will soon be off to enjoy their honeymoon in a small cottage by the beach down in Okinawa. With any luck, my dear daughter-in-law will be with child by the time they return. They've chosen to live, for the time being, in Ukyou-chan's restaurant. A quite suitable arrangement for now, though Ranma hardly intends to spend the rest of his life waiting tables.
When he reaches the age of adulthood, that being 20, he stands to inherit quite a sizable sum from my father. My family is quite the business giant, as a matter of fact. Though to keep the money safe from my husband's irresponsible hands, my son had to be named the primary beneficiary, rather than myself. With that much money backing him, Ranma will have no trouble securing land and building a traditional dojo even finer than the Tendou's, though of course lacking in the illustrious history of that site. With the reputation he has built as the best fighter in all Nerima, if not Japan, I suspect Ranma's dojo will be quite successful.
My son is happy, and will be happy in the future.
What more can a mother ask?
THE END
Author's Notes:
And so ends the fourth and final chapter of Me, Myself & Ukyou. Quite a decent piece of work if I do so say so myself. Nabiki's comeuppance was my personal favorite. It was probably the most artful revenge of all of them, and definitely the most poetically justified.
Let me see if I can answer any questions regarding Ranma's condition, and the blow up on his mother.
Ranma had begun taking his medication, but it had not yet taken full effect. What resulted was a sort of blend between the 'normal' personality that couldn't stand up for himself, and the 'evil' personality bent on getting his own back. What we get then, is a 'normal' Ranma who wants to stand up for himself, even if he can barely stomach it. Finding that balance was what effectively cured him, even more so than the medication that he still takes regularly, and will for a couple years yet until he and his therapist are certain that his life has calmed down enough that he won't relapse.
And for anyone else who thought that Ranma was too OOC (out of character) in this chapter, what with all the crying and that:
Please keep in mind that Ranma's self-confidence had been taking one vicious blow after another, (first from his emasculating treatment from those around him, tomboys in particular, and then from the actions of his vengeful self) leaving him in effect a shattered version of his former, egotistical self.
Even if you don't agree with any of that, at least you know I thought it through, right?
Thanks very much for reading. I'll now turn my attention to getting a job (note to other authors: putting "real life" on hold to write a story is baaaaad!) and perhaps later with continuing Ultimate betrayal, or one of the other little projects sitting around here in my hard drive.
Ja na!
-Ron Hino
WAAAAAIIIT!
Bonus scene!
***
Sasuke sat alone on the rooftop of the Kunou estate, rubbing his head in frustration. Several months ago, something had happened between the young master and mistress. Usually, they fought like cats and dogs, constantly competing with each other over the silliest things as they had since they were young enough for it to be forgivable.
Now that had changed. Tatewaki and Kodachi were getting along quite well, even being rather nice to each other. They had also abandoned their respective quests for Akane Tendou and the various bodies of Ranma Saotome. More good news, right?
At first, Sasuke had assumed that they had seen the futility of their one-sided suits, and found a form of companionship in sharing their grief, growing closer as a brother and sister should as they matured. But if that were true, then how come he never saw any of this supposed grieving? They usually talked with him (or more accurately, at him) about their problems. They were also spending a considerable amount of time together, enjoying their cultured hobbies, such as poetry and painting, which they were surprised to discover they shared an interest in. They even considering taking up complimentary musical instruments, so they could play together. They trained together as well, but without the spite or viciousness of their previous squabbles.
Came the day the curious ninja decided to watch them more closely to determine what had caused this amazing change in their relationship. He was watching from the shadows late one night as Kodachi slipped silently from her room and tiptoed down the hall to her brother's. She did not come out until the early morning. The next night, it was Tatewaki who crept silently into his sister's bedchambers. This time, Sasuke slipped into the crawlspace above the ceiling and made his way above his mistress' room. Normally, he wouldn't dare to spy on his charges in the privacy of their own chambers, but his curiosity had gotten the better of him.
Curiosity may have killed the cat, but the little ninja suffered only a medium-sized heart attack at the sight that greeted him beneath the ceiling panel.
Sweet mother of all the gods of Japan! The master and mistress were sleeping with each other, and not in the innocent sense of the expression! In fact, there was very little that could be considered 'innocent' about the black leather dominatrix outfit the 'Mistress' wore, or the handcuffs and ball-gag that the master willingly donned.
Sasuke managed to lower the panel silently before he went blind.
Now, the loyal ninja sat upon the roof, pondering what he should do. On the one hand, the former master of the house, Lord Kunou (come to think of it, what was that crazy principal's given name anyway? Sasuke had only ever been told to call him 'Master' or 'Lord Kunou') had left him in charge of his children's upbringing, and he certainly wouldn't have approved of this! On the other hand, Tatewaki was the oldest male Kunou in residence, and thus Master o'er the house and all who served it. Another factor was that his two charges were now 18 and 19 respectively, and the law of Japan only recognized statutory rape in girls below the age of 13 (which was more like pedophilia, in Sasuke's opinion, but that was still the law). The two Kunou siblings were arguably old enough to decide such things for themselves, and all Sasuke could do about it was ensure that news of this never touched the ears of anyone outside the family...
...Which would far easier if the mistress were not such a screamer. Sasuke shuddered. At least the property was large and the outer walls thick and high. Hopefully the sound wouldn't carry.
Yes, keeping their indiscretion discreet was the little ninja's duty, and that was all there was to it. Perhaps this was some sort of strange blessing in disguise. The house was much more peaceful now.
Ah well... the wealthy were always eccentric in one way or another, and a servant's duty was only to serve, after all.
Sasuke sighed once more, feeling slightly better now that he had sorted out his thoughts, and went back inside to find his own sleeping mat.
***
THE END
(for real this time ^_^)
Ja na!
Chapter Four
A Ranma 1/2 fanfiction by Ron Hino
I've realized that by declaring it fanfiction, I automatically infer that the characters are not of my creation. Therefor there's really no need for a disclaimer of that sort. That ought to hold up in court, and have you ever heard of anyone being sued for writing fanfiction? The copyright laws in Japan are really quite flexible anyway. That's why all those X-rated doujinshi staring famous anime characters can be published.
Why hello there. You must be one of Ranma and Ukyou's friends. Wasn't it a lovely wedding? And this reception is quite well done as well, though I admit this is the first time I've heard of okonomiyaki being served at such an event. Ukyou's family sort of insisted.
Oh, where are my manners? My name is Saotome Nodoka. I'm Ranma's mother. It's nice to meet you.
My, don't they make a lovely couple? If only that nice girl Akane hadn't refused to be a mistress, or that Shampoo girl for that matter. My son is so manly! I hope Ukyou will be enough for him, and if not he can always meet another nice young lady later I suppose. What do you think of him?
(Her hand strays toward the long bundle she carries. Rather inappropriate to bring to a wedding, you think.)
Oh, you think he's very manly too? How kind of you to say so. My son is fortunate to have a friend like you. He lost so many when he was suffering from schizophrenia.
Oh, you want me to tell you about that? Well, I don't like to gossip...
Anyway, I didn't arrive until most of it had already happened, and my son and daughter-in-law don't really like to talk about it if they can avoid it. However, he was still suffering from his condition when I came back to Nerima the second time to visit the Tendous, in the hopes of catching my husband and son at home...
*** *** ***
Kasumi answered the doorbell. She was surprised to see Ranma's mother standing there at the door.
"Why Auntie Saotome! How nice to see you again!" She said cheerfully.
Nodoka bowed. "It's nice to see you as well, Kasumi-chan. By any chance, are my husband and son here at home?"
Kasumi's expression was briefly filled with worry, but she schooled her face into a smile with the aid of long practice. Given Mr. Saotome's pledge to make Ranma a man-among-men, how would Nodoka take hearing about some of the actions of Ranma's alter-ego? Especially since there were very few people in the house willing to put a positive spin on things. In point of fact, Kasumi was the only one.
She slipped her shoes on, stepped out onto the porch and closed the door behind her. "Please forgive me for not inviting you inside, Auntie, but now is really not the best time. Ranma doesn't live here anymore.
Nodoka blinked. "He doesn't? Whyever not? I thought he was engaged to Akane-chan."
Kasumi winced. "That may take some explaining, and as I said, now's not the best time to talk with the rest of my family. Would you allow me to take you out for tea?"
Nodoka frowned with worry. "What's been going on here, Kasumi-chan? You said Ranma doesn't live here anymore... He's not... dead, is he?"
Kasumi gestured for Nodoka to follow her out into the street. "Oh no, Auntie. He's very much alive and well, as far as I know. Unfortunately, he had a bit of a... falling out with my family, through no fault of his own. My father and sisters are rather upset with him right now, and you know how people can say things they don't mean when they're angry."
"But you're not angry at him, Kasumi-chan?"
Kasumi smiled. "Oh no. Like I said, what happened wasn't his fault."
Nodoka smiled thoughtfully at her. "Such a forgiving child. If Akane has broken the engagement, perhaps Ranma should marry you instead."
Kasumi turned bright red. "Ah! Um... I don't think that would be best, Auntie. I'm far too old for him. Ranma's like a little brother to me, and I know he feels much the same about me."
Nodoka looked amused. "Well, at least you're fond of him. I can see that much."
Kasumi nodded in relief. "Very much so, Auntie. I was looking forward to being his older sister-in-law. I thought I would be quite proud to have him as part of our family."
"Why do you say that in the past tense, dear?"
Kasumi sighed sadly. "I didn't mean that as you might think. I still think highly of him. Unfortunately, I may be the only one in my household willing to forgive him. I'm afraid the union of the Tendou and Saotome schools is a lost cause, at least for this generation."
Nodoka frowned. "My understanding was that their marriage was an honor agreement between our two families, made by my husband. Something truly awful must have happened for those two old fools to abandon it."
Kasumi tugged her lip in thought as they came to the café. "If you're concerned about your family's honor, Auntie, then I should tell you that it was our family who decided to break that agreement, not yours. Further, Ranma is not the one to blame for the incompatibility between him and Akane."
Nodoka sighed. "But she seemed like such a nice young lady."
"She was on her best behavior because it was your first meeting, Auntie. Also, if their engagement were carried through, then you would be the closest thing Akane would have had to a mother since ours died when she was six. I think she was trying really hard to leave you with a good impression."
"Well, I suppose that makes sense. What is she usually like then?"
Kasumi looked uncomfortable. "I don't really like to say bad things about my own family, but... Akane has a truly awful temper; she tends to use her fists to solve problems or arguments, particularly with Ranma. This might not have been so bad if he were not too honorable to strike her back, but Uncle Saotome taught him from a very early age that he shouldn't hit girls."
"I should certainly hope so." Nodoka said.
Kasumi nodded. "Normally I would agree with you Auntie, but when the girl in question is a very proud martial artist herself, she might be inclined to take his refusal to strike back at her as an insult to her skills. This was at least part of Akane's problem. The other part is her own insecurity, violent temper, and immaturity. I'm afraid that, despite all our hopes, she would have made a poor wife to Ranma."
Nodoka sighed. "Well, I'll have to take your word for it, Kasumi-chan, as the lady of your household. How unfortunate!"
Kasumi nodded. "Yes, but better that it ends now than with a divorce within the next five years or less."
"Things seemed to be going well enough when I visited. Perhaps now you should tell me exactly what occurred to bring their relationship to its end?"
Kasumi looked awkward. How to explain this in a way that wouldn't cast an unfavorable light on Ranma's manliness... "I think their biggest problem was a lack of trust. Akane would almost never believe him in anything he said. In fact, combined with her violent tendencies, I'd have to describe her treatment of Ranma as bullying."
"My son allowed himself to be pushed around by a girl?" Nodoka frowned.
Kasumi hedged. "Well... for a time at least. You recall I said that he refused to strike Akane regardless of how she treated him? Eventually however, he refused to put up with it any more. I think his tolerance for her hurtful behavior must have been incredible for him to remain this long, but he couldn't tolerate her treatment of him any longer. It was a rather ugly breakup, and he left to live with one of the other girls he's engaged to, a rather nice girl named Kuonji Ukyou."
Nodoka blinked. "My son is engaged to more than one woman?"
Kasumi nodded sadly. "Your husband did many questionable things during their long training trip. One of them was to accept an okonomiyaki yatai in exchange for Ranma's marrying the owner's daughter. Ranma and Ukyou were both six years old at the time, and good friends. I don't believe Uncle Saotome ever ment to honor that agreement, but it's every bit as legal as the one to our family. More so, in fact, as the dowry was already accepted ten years ago. Furthermore, Ukyou and Ranma get along quite well, more so than any of his other fiancées."
Nodoka's eyes were wide. "There are more?"
"Um... well yes. A girl named Shampoo whom he met in China that he accidentally became engaged to by an obscure law of her village. There's also a girl from a very wealthy family by the name of Kunou Kodachi who's taken an interest in him, though I don't believe she has any true claim on him beyond her own desire. Neither of these girls are anywhere near as good a match for Ranma as Ukyou, in my opinion."
Nodoka just sat there stunned. "My son has four women after him? Well... three now without your sister, but before that... four women?"
Kasumi glanced anxiously at the long bundle leaning against the wall of the café. "Ranma never did anything to encourage them, to my knowledge, but Akane became jealous and blamed him for them anyway. Ranma did nothing wrong or dishonorable with any of them."
Nodoka was not listening. She rose from the table and turned slowly away from Kasumi.
"Auntie? Please don't think less of Ranma because of-"
"YAAAHOOOO! My son is such a stud! He's got three women! THREE! Oh what a man he is! I never before dreamed I'd be so proud to be his mother!" She turned back to Kasumi and pulled the startled girl out of the booth to dance with her in the aisle as she began singing. "My son is a manly man! Manly man! Manly man! My son is a manly man! Oh what a happy day!"
Kasumi stared dumbly at the ecstatic woman before her as she was released. Eventually, she just shrugged and smiled.
Eventually, Nodoka noticed the stares of the other patrons (though admittedly being somewhat appreciative to the middle-aged men who lifted glasses and congratulated her with amused grins) and sat back down in the booth with Kasumi.
"Oh Kasumi! This is wonderful! Please, can I ask you to take me to this girl's home? This Ukyou that my manly son has moved in with?"
Kasumi thought frantically. She'd dropped by the Ucchan a few times recently and knew very well that Ranma was waiting tables in his girl form. She didn't relish trying to explain the curse to Nodoka.
"Well... it's actually a restaurant, called the Ucchan, after its owner. Perhaps it would be more polite to visit after business hours." She advised, hoping the older woman would agree. It would give her time to warn them that the katana-wielding mother was coming.
"Oh, I'm sure they won't mind too much. It's only three in the afternoon. They can't be that busy yet."
***
A very nervous Kasumi led Nodoka into the Ucchan.
"Welcome to... Oh, it's you Kasumi-chan. Who's your friend?"
Kasumi looked around the restaurant. There were a couple of customers, but no Ranma.
"Ranma!" Nodoka cried, and ran forward to embrace Ukyou. "It's me, your mother. Oh it's so good to see you again after all these years!"
Ukyou froze with an odd expression on her face.
Kasumi tapped Nodoka on the shoulder. "Um... Auntie? That's not Ranma. This is Kuonji Ukyou, Ranma's fiancée." She said hesitantly.
Nodoka blinked, and squeezed the person in her arms a few times, reminding Kasumi not a little of Ranma's first encounter with her father.
Nodoka then stepped back from the decidedly uncomfortable chef with embarrassment. "Oh, I'm so sorry. It's just that I haven't seen my son since he was just a baby, so I really don't know what he looks like."
"Don't worry about it." Ukyou said with a neutral expression. "Happens all the time. Getting mistaken for a boy, I mean, not the fondling by strange women."
Nodoka bowed deeply. "I'm really sorry. And here you are such a pretty girl too."
"The clothes of my profession don't do much to flatter my figure, but I manage." Ukyou said diplomatically. "So you're Ranchan's mother?"
Nodoka smiled. "I am indeed. And you are his fiancée, correct?"
Ukyou nodded. "About the only one left, or have you heard about his popularity with girls yet?" She glanced at Kasumi.
The older girl winced. "I've just been telling Auntie about... Akane refusing the engagement. Um... is your waitress, or Ranma here right now?"
Ukyou picked up on her hint: Nodoka didn't know about Ranma's curse. "Out on a delivery, at the moment. One of them should be back in about 15 minutes."
Kasumi nodded. "Well, my family will be wondering where I've gone. I'll leave you two to get to know each other."
Nodoka bowed. "It was nice to see you again, Kasumi-chan."
Ukyou nodded. "See you around, Oneechan. If you should happen to see Ranma, or my waitress on their way back, be sure to tell them that Ranma's mother is here." She said meaningfully
Kasumi gulped and nodded. She would wait outside the door for Ranma to return, so she could warn him (or her).
Ukyou gestured to a stool, forcing a smile. "Well, Mrs. Saotome, why don't you have a seat and I'll whip you up something on the house?"
Nodoka beamed, completely oblivious to Ukyou's uneasiness. "Why I'd love to sample some of your cooking, Ukyou-chan. And you can call me Mother, if you like."
"Er... right... Mother."
***
Some time later, 'Ranko' hesitantly entered the restaurant.
"Why Ranko! How nice to see you finally wearing something more feminine. What brings you here?" Nodoka asked cheerfully.
"Ranko is my waitress." Ukyou offered.
"Um... Hi Auntie." Ranma-chan said carefully. "Yeah, I part-time here."
Nodoka frowned in thought. "Is my son with you dear? Ukyou-chan said you were both out on a delivery."
Ukyou nodded. "Ranma's delivery was the last of his shift. I think he was going to meet with a study group from school. He should be back in another hour or two."
Ranma-chan nodded gratefully for the out she'd been handed. Of course, in a couple of hours, she'd have to 'go home' and come back in male, but she wasn't about to complain. No plan was perfect.
"Oh dear." Nodoka said in disappointment. "I suppose I'll just have to wait. You'd think after more than 15 years I could manage a little patience."
"We understand your eagerness." Ukyou said diplomatically. "Ranko-chan, order for table three." She called as she tossed the redhead two plates.
Ranko caught them easily, as well as the two hot okonomiyaki that followed shortly after.
Nodoka clapped at the impromptu juggling. "You're so talented, Ranko-chan!"
"One of the benefits of having her and Ranma working here." Ukyou smirked. "Dinner with floor show."
"I'll bet that brings in customers."
The chef grinned. "You bet! Cute waitress, plus high-level martial arts demonstrations means a good profit day for me. Not that I don't have my personal reasons for wanting Ranma here too."
Nodoka smiled slyly. "I'd certainly expect as much. Tell me, do you think grandchildren are likely to be in my future soon?"
Ukyou nearly fumbled the okonomiyaki she was flipping. "Ah... we don't... I mean... Ranma's been a perfect gentleman while he's here. I kinda figure he wants to wait until after we're married to start in on... that. He sleeps in my spare room." She managed, her face beet red.
Nodoka looked disappointed. "Oh dear. That's not very manly. I think I shall have to have a talk with him about that when he gets here." She fingered her wrapped bundle.
Ukyou took offence. "Hey! Mind your own business!"
"But don't you see my dear? I'm his mother. It's very much my business. Ranma must become a man or else go to his ancestors along with his father."
Ukyou growled. "What kind of mother threatens her child with a sword, for behaving honorably, no less!"
Nodoka scowled. "How dare you question our family honor! Didn't your parents teach you to respect the will of your elders? I am Ranma's mother, and he will do as I tell him to. If you don't understand even that then perhaps you're not as fit to be my son's bride as I at first thought! You'll be fortunate if I permit him to keep you as a mistress, you insolent girl!"
Ukyou was about to retort, but was interrupted by the slam of Ranma-chan's palms against the counter. The redhead had somehow managed to come around to stand beside Ukyou without catching either of the women's attentions.
Ranma-chan hung her head, as though speaking under a great burden. "You think Ranma will do as you tell him, to give up Ucchan, just because you gave birth to him?"
Nodoka frowned at the 'girl'. "Most certainly. That is his duty to his mother. I really don't think you should involve yourself in this discussion, Ranko-chan."
Ranma-chan's head came up suddenly, her eyes blazing with fury. "I'm already involved! You talk about his duty to you, but what about your duty to him? You think giving birth is enough to give you the right to tell him how to live his life? How dare you presume so much! You're not fit to call yourself his mother!"
Ukyou was staring at Ranma-chan with wide eyes, recalling that Ranma's shrink had told them that the medication wouldn't take full effect for another day and a half. This was clearly Ranma's more volatile self speaking.
Nodoka looked hurt. "Ranko-chan! How can you say such a thing to me?"
"You abandoned him! You threw away your motherhood and left him in the hands of a fool not fit to raise a dog! Do you have any idea how much he suffered on that training journey? Can you even conceive the horrors that fat imbecile would subject him to in the name of 'training'? The only reason Genma hasn't been locked away in prison for child abuse is because he's the only family Ranma has ever known! Ranma grew up alone and in pain, never knowing what it was like to be loved by anyone. The closest he came was the extremely rare words of approval from his father when he managed to survive one of the ridiculous tests he put Ranma through!"
Nodoka opened her mouth in shock, but Ranma-chan pressed on without giving her time to speak.
"And when you finally show up, what do you do? You wave a sword around and threaten to kill him! You may say you love your son, but carrying that damn katana around puts the lie to your words! There are very few people in the world who Ranma can believe care about him for who he is. I know he was hoping his own mother would be one of those, but no! You'll only love him if he makes himself out to be exactly who you want him to be, and kill him in cold blood if he's even a fraction less then that! It would almost be a forgivable crime if there was any way for a human being to match the dream in your head! You don't have any faith in him at all, or else why would you carry the sword and contract with you everywhere you go! You're just looking for an excuse to chop his head off, aren't you? ADMIT IT!" She screamed into the shaking woman's face.
"No..." Nodoka whispered, as tears streamed down her face. "No, that's not what I want..."
Ranma-chan's glare was cold as ice. "Says the woman with the sword in her hand, and the seppuku contract in her pocket. Get lost, you bloodthirsty bitch! You have no right to decide so much as what Ranma eats for breakfast, much less dictate his entire life to him! If I and the people who truly care about Ranma have any say in the matter, you'll never set eyes on your son again! We will protect him from the monster that birthed him!"
Nodoka retreated back from the hate in the eyes of the young girl she'd become so fond of since they first met in the canal. Choking off a cry, she fled from the restaurant, and from the child she'd once wished were her own daughter, in tears.
Ukyou swallowed and hesitantly approached Ranma-chan. "That was... pretty harsh, Ranma..." she began.
Whatever she'd been planning to say went out the window as Ranma-chan collapsed behind the counter in tears. Hesitantly, the chef reached down and embraced the redhead.
"Ranchan... is that you?"
Through choking sobs, Ranma-chan answered. "It... it's me, Ucchan. It was me the whole time! I'm the one who said all those horrible things about my own mother! I... I can't believe I said that to her! Maybe I really am a monster!"
Ukyou gently lay her fiancé's head upon her shoulder and held her close while she sobbed. "It's alright Ranchan. It'll be okay. You're not a monster, just a human being. Whatever happens, I'll always be by your side, I promise."
It was more than half an hour before Ranma managed to let go of her fiancée, needing the other's strength to again find her own. Ukyou noted that most of the customers had politely left somewhere between the screaming match and the crying. One of her regulars even turned the sign around to 'closed' so they wouldn't be interrupted. She made a note to give that kindly old man a freebie the next time he stopped in.
Ukyou carried Ranma-chan in her arms to the second floor, where she lay the miserable girl down in her futon. Once she was sure Ranma-chan would be okay by herself, the chef returned to reopen the restaurant. One of the sad realities of owning one's own business was that the doors always had to be open for customers, regardless of what was going on in one's personal life.
After she'd closed for the night, Ukyou came upstairs to find Ranma-chan had left her own bedroom and fallen asleep in Ukyou's futon. She smiled down at the slumbering redhead.
She thought to herself. Ukyou changed into her nightclothes and snuggled up next to her presently female fiancé. Everything they'd gone through together had banished the last of the awkwardness that forced the pair to sleep in separate rooms. She made up her mind to put her foot down tomorrow night, when Ranma would undoubtedly attempt to go back to their previous sleeping arrangements. The time had come for them to enjoy this innocent indulgence of each other's company. Even if they did nothing sexual, Ukyou wanted to be close to Ranma, now more than ever.
The cross-dressing chef wrapped her arm around the cross-gender boy, and slept the most peaceful sleep she could remember.
***
It was a week later when Nodoka returned to the Ucchan. 'Ranko' was again waiting tables. She paused in her work to give the older woman an expressionless gaze.
Nodoka's face was a tight mask of pain, as she walked up to the redhead.
"I've had a lot of time to think over what you said, Ranko-chan," she said in a voice choked with emotion, "and you were right about many things. As you can see, I've left my sword behind. I must say, it feels very odd to be without it. I've carried it with me wherever I went for the last fifteen years. It was the physical proof I could hold in my hand, of the promise my husband made to me. It helped give me the faith to believe he would carry out his promise, despite all the ones he'd broken before."
Ranma-chan said nothing as Nodoka reached into her kimono and drew out a yellowed sheet of paper. "I have, however, brought the seppuku pledge with me."
Without another word, Nodoka walked over to the grill and lay the contract flat on the cooking surface. Ukyou and Ranma watched as the paper blackened, and eventually caught flame. All three women watched in silence as the 15 year-old promise went up in smoke. When it was nothing more than ashes staining Ukyou's grill, Nodoka turned to face them both with a sad smile.
"I have made my decision. I am a mother, first and foremost. I do not care if Genma has fulfilled his promise or not. I only care that I have wasted 15 years of my life, which I could have spent with my only child. It is, as you have said, far too late to undo the damage of my negligence, but I hope that Ranma can find it in his heart to forgive his foolish mother. I have, again as you said, forfeited my right to have a say in how he chooses to live his life, but I hope there is at least some small way in which I can be a part of it. I lived nearly all of Ranma's live with nothing to sate me but my family's honor, and I know now that such is not nearly enough. I love my son, and I miss him terribly. Do you think it even remotely possible that either of you girls ever forgive this foolish woman her mistakes?"
Ranma-chan dashed forward and hugged her mother, crying tears of remorse. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry I hurt you! Of course I can forgive you, if you can forgive me for all the horrible things I said to you."
"Ranko-chan..." Nodoka said wistfully as she joined the tearful embrace. "You've taught me how to love my son. I could forgive you anything."
Ukyou grinned as she came around the counter and joined the embrace. "We'll hold you to that... Mother."
"Ukyou-chan. You've defended your fiancé well, against a most difficult and stubborn opponent. I think you would make a fine addition to the Saotome family, one I would be proud to call my daughter."
The three women separated with smiles.
"Then I think it's time to introduce you to someone." Ukyou grinned.
Ranma-chan nodded. "Yes, it's long past time."
Ukyou turned to Ranma-chan as Nodoka's face lit up with hope. "Ranchan, why don't you change clothes. You wouldn't want to ruin my kimono, would you?"
Ranma-chan laughed. "You have a point. I'll be right back." She dashed up the stairs to the second floor."
"Is my son upstairs?" Nodoka asked breathlessly.
"In a manner of speaking." Ukyou said wryly.
Ranko came down a moment later, this time dressed in the Chinese-style clothes Nodoka had seen her in when she visited the Tendous.
"Ranko-chan? Where is my son?" Nodoka asked in confusion.
Ranma-chan's smiled sadly as she grasped a kettle from the kitchen. "You're about to meet him. I only hope you can forgive us for deceiving you before now."
Nodoka nodded impatiently. "I know you've been hiding him from me, but what..."
Her voice trailed off as Ranko poured the kettle over her head and began to grow. Shaking the water from his hair, Ranma spoke in a much deeper voice.
"My real name is Saotome Ranma, and I'm your son... Mom."
Nodoka stood there with her mouth open for several minutes, torn between shock and longing. Finally, she rushed forward and embraced her long-lost son, basking in the joy of at long last holding him in her arms.
"Ranma! Ranma is that really you?"
"It's me, Mom." Ranma said with much emotion, as he returned her embrace.
After a moment, Nodoka abruptly pushed him back and held him by the shoulders. "But you were Ranko? A girl! How is this possible?"
Ranma self-consciously scratched the back of his head. "Kind of a long story. One of the places Pop took me to train was called Jyusenkyo, the Valley of the Cursed Springs of Sorrow. It's basically a bunch of little pools with poles sticking out of them. Trainees are meant to fight up on top of the poles and try not to get knocked in. Unfortunately, the magic of the springs changes whoever falls in into the form of whatever last drowned in it. I fell into Nyanniichuan, the Spring of Drowned Girl; and Pop fell into Shamaoniichuan, the Spring of Drowned Panda."
A wide-eyed Nodoka felt her son over, as if making doubly sure his womanly breasts were in fact gone. "But... you change into a girl... and a panda? Wait! Mr. Panda is your father?"
Ranma nodded sadly. "Yeah. Cold water changes a person into their cursed form, and hot water changes them back. That's why I was a girl when you first met me, because I fell into the canal."
Nodoka was still confused. "But... are you a man or a woman?"
Ranma resisted the urge to snap at his mother. "I'm a guy. The spring only alters the body. I'm still me inside, even when I'm a girl. That's the truth of it Mom, my mind and heart don't change. Still, you can sorta see why Pops was a bit reluctant to let you see me, what with that seppuku pledge and all."
Nodoka frowned worriedly. "Well, yes. I suppose so. You say your heart doesn't change? So you don't find men attractive or desire to do feminine things?"
Ranma made a face. "Eww! No way! I like girls, no question! And as for doing girly things, there's been times when I've had to dress to suit my gender, but I always wear guy's underwear underneath. The thought of wearing bras and panties just makes me ill."
Nodoka actually chuckled at that. "Well that's something, at least. Ranma, I haven't really had much opportunity to get to know the real you, but I'd like to think that I wouldn't have held this curse against you if I hadn't already burned the contract. If your spirit remains that of a man, then the state of your body is less important."
Ranma smiled. "Thanks Mom. It's nice to hear you say that."
Nodoka tugged her lip. "Of course, calming me down long enough to convince me of that might have been difficult. At first glance, it appears my foolish husband has failed in his promise beyond anything I could have imagined, doesn't it?"
Ranma swallowed nervously. "I... ah... no comment."
Ukyou stepped forward. "Ranma is more than man enough for me. His curse doesn't change the man he is inside. I hate to throw this is your face yet again, but thanks to that stupid promise, you don't know him well enough to pass judgement on him. I, on the other hand, do. Ranma is the *man* that I want to marry. Take my word for it."
Nodoka smiled. "With delight, daughter-in-law. With delight. Besides, I've abandoned the seppuku pledge, without regret, may I add. You will never have to fear I will ask for your life, my son." Nodoka said firmly as Ranma sighed with relief.
Nodoka's expression darkened. "Now my lying furball of a husband, on the other hand..." She growled. "He and I are definitely going to have a few words regarding how he treated my baby during those 15 years. Honestly! What on Earth could have possessed him to take you to such a dangerous place as this... Jyusenkyo, was it?"
Ukyou snorted. "That's nothing. You should tell her about the Nekoken training, Ranchan."
Ranma shuddered. "I'd rather not."
Nodoka blinked. "What is this 'cat-fist' training?"
"It's the thing that would most convince any jury to throw him in jail forever, on charges of child abuse." Ukyou said grimly.
Nodoka frowned and turned to her son. "Ranma?"
The boy in question shuddered again and turned away. "I don't want to talk about it, not now not ever! If I even try to describe it, it's almost as bad as being back in the pit!"
Nodoka looked worriedly at her distraught son. "Then would you allow Ukyou-chan to tell me about it? I wish to know every harm that Genma has brought you."
Ukyou looked at her fiancé. "Well, Ranma?"
Ranma glanced back and forth between the two. "Fine, but let me get out of earshot first. I'll go for a walk or something."
Ukyou nodded. "I can handle things here by myself for a bit. Come back in a few minutes though, Ok sugar?"
Ranma nodded unhappily as he vacated the restaurant.
Nodoka watched him go as she sat down on a stool. Ukyou took her place behind the grill to whip up her mother-in-law something to eat.
"It's so bad he can't even hear someone talk about it?" She asked in concern.
"Not while maintaining his dignity, at least." Ukyou said grimly.
"Tell me everything, Ukyou-chan." Nodoka said seriously.
The chef nodded. "Alright. Let's get one thing straight. I don't say this to insult your family, or anything, but your husband is the biggest imbecile on the planet!"
"Agreed." Nodoka said without blinking.
"Right then. Now that we're both on the same page; as I heard it, he found this old book describing forbidden techniques of the Anything-Goes school. Naturally, he assumed that 'forbidden' just meant that they were really powerful; not to be attempted by less serious students, as opposed to say; forbidden for a damn good reason."
"Naturally." Nodoka muttered.
"So he flips to the page with the technique called the Nekoken, which increases the speed, power, and ferocity of a fighter many times over, not to mention Ranma can do this thing where he forms these invisible claws out of ki energy that can slice through steel. I'm not sure if that was actually described in the manual or just implied. I've never read the damn thing."
"It sounds like a very impressive technique." Nodoka said guardedly.
"Oh it is, in a way." Ukyou muttered sarcastically. "But wait until I tell you how to get a student to master it! First, you wrap the trainee up in fish-sausages..."
***
Ranma came back to the restaurant about ten minutes later, and was nearly bowled over as his mother came storming out the door in a rage.
"Oh, hello dear. I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut this visit short. I have this urgent desire to see how closely I can shave a panda bear's fur with a katana, and I have to rush home to fetch it before I can try. Pity I never bothered to study kenjitsu. I suspect I may nick the unfortunate creature a few times in the attempt." She snapped, though her ire was obviously not directed towards her son.
Ranma chuckled. "Just be sure to leave something for me. Bastard or not, he's the only thing I've had in the way of family for the last 15 years."
"A mistake I fully intend to rectify, Ranma-dear. Do not fear. Death is to good for that one!" She snarled, marching off.
"Try selling him to the zoo!" he called after her. "I find it very therapeutic every now and then!"
He chuckled and returned to the restaurant.
*** *** ***
So that's how my son and I came to be reunited. As per my son's wishes, my worthless husband still lives, although he walks with a limp these days. You wouldn't believe how fast a man that overweight can run. I thought it best to make it easier on myself in the future. I'm sure you agree that it's not very dignified for a lady to run, not to mention rather difficult in a kimono.
Sometime later, my son and daughter-in-law explained to me about the stress-induced schizophrenia caused largely by all the problems my husband made for him. I suspect that they gave me a somewhat edited version, but I respect them too much to ask for the unpleasant details. It is enough that I understand that there is no hope of joining the Saotome and Tendou schools in marriage, at least with the current generation. I've no doubt Ukyou-chan will soon be handing me my grandchild, and who can say what the future will hold?
Up until that day in the restaurant, I've lived my life solely to maintain my family's honor, and now I live to maintain its happiness. Honor is better served when treated as a side effect of living a good life, rather than a means onto itself, or so I now believe. I live for my family, including my fool of a husband, who I have recently invited back into my house.
What? You expected me to divorce the old fool? There were reasons I married him in the first place, you know. There are *some* things about him that can be considered commendable. 15 years is a long time to sleep in a cold bed alone, after all. Of course, it may please you to know that he slept on the back porch for over a month before being permitted to fulfill his marital obligations once more. Even I am not entirely forgiving of him.
Well, I suppose that's the end to the story. Ranma and Ukyou are happily married, and will soon be off to enjoy their honeymoon in a small cottage by the beach down in Okinawa. With any luck, my dear daughter-in-law will be with child by the time they return. They've chosen to live, for the time being, in Ukyou-chan's restaurant. A quite suitable arrangement for now, though Ranma hardly intends to spend the rest of his life waiting tables.
When he reaches the age of adulthood, that being 20, he stands to inherit quite a sizable sum from my father. My family is quite the business giant, as a matter of fact. Though to keep the money safe from my husband's irresponsible hands, my son had to be named the primary beneficiary, rather than myself. With that much money backing him, Ranma will have no trouble securing land and building a traditional dojo even finer than the Tendou's, though of course lacking in the illustrious history of that site. With the reputation he has built as the best fighter in all Nerima, if not Japan, I suspect Ranma's dojo will be quite successful.
My son is happy, and will be happy in the future.
What more can a mother ask?
THE END
Author's Notes:
And so ends the fourth and final chapter of Me, Myself & Ukyou. Quite a decent piece of work if I do so say so myself. Nabiki's comeuppance was my personal favorite. It was probably the most artful revenge of all of them, and definitely the most poetically justified.
Let me see if I can answer any questions regarding Ranma's condition, and the blow up on his mother.
Ranma had begun taking his medication, but it had not yet taken full effect. What resulted was a sort of blend between the 'normal' personality that couldn't stand up for himself, and the 'evil' personality bent on getting his own back. What we get then, is a 'normal' Ranma who wants to stand up for himself, even if he can barely stomach it. Finding that balance was what effectively cured him, even more so than the medication that he still takes regularly, and will for a couple years yet until he and his therapist are certain that his life has calmed down enough that he won't relapse.
And for anyone else who thought that Ranma was too OOC (out of character) in this chapter, what with all the crying and that:
Please keep in mind that Ranma's self-confidence had been taking one vicious blow after another, (first from his emasculating treatment from those around him, tomboys in particular, and then from the actions of his vengeful self) leaving him in effect a shattered version of his former, egotistical self.
Even if you don't agree with any of that, at least you know I thought it through, right?
Thanks very much for reading. I'll now turn my attention to getting a job (note to other authors: putting "real life" on hold to write a story is baaaaad!) and perhaps later with continuing Ultimate betrayal, or one of the other little projects sitting around here in my hard drive.
Ja na!
-Ron Hino
WAAAAAIIIT!
Bonus scene!
***
Sasuke sat alone on the rooftop of the Kunou estate, rubbing his head in frustration. Several months ago, something had happened between the young master and mistress. Usually, they fought like cats and dogs, constantly competing with each other over the silliest things as they had since they were young enough for it to be forgivable.
Now that had changed. Tatewaki and Kodachi were getting along quite well, even being rather nice to each other. They had also abandoned their respective quests for Akane Tendou and the various bodies of Ranma Saotome. More good news, right?
At first, Sasuke had assumed that they had seen the futility of their one-sided suits, and found a form of companionship in sharing their grief, growing closer as a brother and sister should as they matured. But if that were true, then how come he never saw any of this supposed grieving? They usually talked with him (or more accurately, at him) about their problems. They were also spending a considerable amount of time together, enjoying their cultured hobbies, such as poetry and painting, which they were surprised to discover they shared an interest in. They even considering taking up complimentary musical instruments, so they could play together. They trained together as well, but without the spite or viciousness of their previous squabbles.
Came the day the curious ninja decided to watch them more closely to determine what had caused this amazing change in their relationship. He was watching from the shadows late one night as Kodachi slipped silently from her room and tiptoed down the hall to her brother's. She did not come out until the early morning. The next night, it was Tatewaki who crept silently into his sister's bedchambers. This time, Sasuke slipped into the crawlspace above the ceiling and made his way above his mistress' room. Normally, he wouldn't dare to spy on his charges in the privacy of their own chambers, but his curiosity had gotten the better of him.
Curiosity may have killed the cat, but the little ninja suffered only a medium-sized heart attack at the sight that greeted him beneath the ceiling panel.
Sweet mother of all the gods of Japan! The master and mistress were sleeping with each other, and not in the innocent sense of the expression! In fact, there was very little that could be considered 'innocent' about the black leather dominatrix outfit the 'Mistress' wore, or the handcuffs and ball-gag that the master willingly donned.
Sasuke managed to lower the panel silently before he went blind.
Now, the loyal ninja sat upon the roof, pondering what he should do. On the one hand, the former master of the house, Lord Kunou (come to think of it, what was that crazy principal's given name anyway? Sasuke had only ever been told to call him 'Master' or 'Lord Kunou') had left him in charge of his children's upbringing, and he certainly wouldn't have approved of this! On the other hand, Tatewaki was the oldest male Kunou in residence, and thus Master o'er the house and all who served it. Another factor was that his two charges were now 18 and 19 respectively, and the law of Japan only recognized statutory rape in girls below the age of 13 (which was more like pedophilia, in Sasuke's opinion, but that was still the law). The two Kunou siblings were arguably old enough to decide such things for themselves, and all Sasuke could do about it was ensure that news of this never touched the ears of anyone outside the family...
...Which would far easier if the mistress were not such a screamer. Sasuke shuddered. At least the property was large and the outer walls thick and high. Hopefully the sound wouldn't carry.
Yes, keeping their indiscretion discreet was the little ninja's duty, and that was all there was to it. Perhaps this was some sort of strange blessing in disguise. The house was much more peaceful now.
Ah well... the wealthy were always eccentric in one way or another, and a servant's duty was only to serve, after all.
Sasuke sighed once more, feeling slightly better now that he had sorted out his thoughts, and went back inside to find his own sleeping mat.
***
THE END
(for real this time ^_^)
Ja na!