Alternate chapter. This is the original version of Not Meant to Be and was told in flashback.
_________________________
She sat with her children and waited for the service to end. She wanted so desperately to be by herself and to not have to endure the well-meaning words of condolence. They had had a good long life together and had raised a family together.
Rafe had been her life and her love and now he was gone.
She did not know how she would go on without him. They had seen so much together and been through even more, but they'd come through it together.
At his request, he'd been buried next to his parents in the family plot where Danny already lay. He'd died five years before and Sandra had buried him where she knew he'd want to be. She was not there and Evelyn understood because she did not want to be there either.
Her son Danny leaned over. "Are you all right Mama?"
"I'm fine son." She said and patted his arm.
Danny didn't believe her but knew his mother would never tell him how much she missed his father.
With the service over, the family and friends of Rafe McCawley made their way back to the house that Rafe had grown up in and his parents had left to him and Evelyn when they died.
Evelyn had had enough and without a word to anyone went upstairs to the bedroom they had shared from the time they had returned from Pearl Harbor in 1946. That had been fifty five years ago, but to Evelyn it seemed like just yesterday.
She laid down on the bed and looked to the other side that he had occupied for all those years and did not know how she would ever have a good nights sleep again. She sighed and two tears rolled down her cheeks.
A soft knock at the door got her to sit up and Barbara stuck her head in. "Mind if I come in?"
Evelyn shook her head. "I think you're the only one I can bear to see today."
"Ironic, isn't it?" She said.
"What is?"
"I was there in the beginning and here I am now." She sat down on the edge of the bed and took Evelyn's hand. "I'm so sorry Ev."
That broke the dam for Evelyn and she cried, as she had not allowed herself to do after Rafe had died suddenly of a massive heart attack. He'd refused to admit that he was too old to be taking care of the farm and had insisted on helping Danny in the barn.
Barbara held her friend and let her release all the emotion she knew she'd been holding in. Evelyn had always been strong and she suddenly remembered one particular time when they were still at Pearl Harbor. "You are a strong woman Evelyn McCawley and you'll find a way to get through this."
Evelyn looked at her with skepticism. "Barbara, we're both too far along in our lives to learn to get through anything. How can I possibly find a way to get through this?"
"You seem to forget a time when you had to find a way. Or are you forgetting what happened when you got pregnant the third time?" Barbara gently reminded her.
Those were memories of a time Evelyn had pushed as far back as she could in her mind because it was too painful to remember, even after all these years. "I was a lot younger then Barbara."
"So were we all, honey." She joked. "But you found a way."
Evelyn sighed and laid back down. "God Barbara, I'm so tired."
"Sleep for awhile. I'll stay with you if you want."
"I'd like that." And she closed her eyes as Barbara got off the bed and found the rocking chair nearby and sat down.
As she drifted to sleep, Evelyn's memories took her back to Pearl Harbor when her life had taken an unexpected turn.
Morning sickness was something Evelyn could have done without. She'd been through it twice before with Danny and Sarah, but this was different. She didn't know how exactly, but it seemed to take more out of her this time around.
Her stomach had finally settled and she ran a shaky hand across her damp forehead before she turned on the bathroom tap to splash cold water on her face and to brush her teeth. When she finally opened the door, Rafe was standing there looking worried and she kissed his cheek. "It's all right. This is all a part of being pregnant."
"I know that. I just don't remember it being this bad with the other kids."
"Every pregnancy is different. Some are easier and some are more difficult." She sighed. "The doctor thinks this one may not be as easy as Danny or Sarah."
"Well, I'll be home for awhile. We're off rotation for the time bein' so you're goin' to have to put up with havin' me around."
She put her arms around his neck. "I think I can do that."
"Come on honey, it's time for you to get to bed. The kids are down for the night and you need your rest." He turned down her side if the bed and had her sit.
"I don't know why it's called morning sickness because it's not limited to the morning." She sighed and laid down before Rafe pulled the blanket over her. "Are you coming to bed?"
He sat down on the edge of the bed and took her hand in his. "I just want to check on the kids one more time than I'll be right back."
She gripped his hand. "Rafe, no more kids after this okay?"
"Are you sure about that?"
"Yes. Three kids are enough."
"I'll do whatever you want." He said and kissed her before he got up off the bed. "I'd do anything for you."
"I know and I love you for it."
He left the bedroom and Evelyn closed her eyes. She tried to sleep but something wasn't right, something didn't feel right. She laid still and tried to stop a sudden feeling of panic because she felt something she'd never felt before. She was only three months along, but suddenly felt what she could only describe as labor pains but not quite.
Her nursing experience told her this was no time to ignore what was happening and to get to the hospital. It might very well be nothing, but she did not want to take any chances. She sat up and it was there again, that pain.
When Rafe came back in, Evelyn was walking a little gingerly and looked really pale. She was getting dressed and he felt a knot form in the pit of his stomach because something was wrong. She was calm as she asked him to call the hospital and tell them they were coming. She also asked him to call Barbara and ask her or Sandra to come stay with the kids. Lastly, she told him to call the doctor to have him meet them there.
"Evelyn, what's goin' on?" He finally asked.
"I'm not sure, but I really want to get to the hospital." And she continued getting dressed.
Rafe did as she asked and walked out to the living room to place the three calls. Sandra said she would be over as quickly as she could and Barbara would meet them at the hospital. Evelyn's doctor told him he would call the hospital and be waiting for them. He put in a call to the barracks and asked Danny to meet them there. "It ain't good." Was all he told his friend.
"I'll be there." Danny told him and added. "She'll be all right Rafe."
It was amazing how calm he felt, but that was only because Evelyn was. When he got back to the bedroom, she was dressed and sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting for him. She looked so tired and a single tear was rolling down her cheek. He sat down next to her and took her hand. "What is it?"
"I'm afraid."
"Afraid of what?"
She shook her head. "I can't even say it."
Rafe knew better than to press her for more so he got up and held out his hand to her. She took it and he helped her to stand. He tightened his grip and they walked out to the living room to wait for Sandra.
She was on the porch by the time they got there and after Rafe had let her in, she hugged Evelyn tightly. "Are you all right?"
"I feel better now that you're here to look after the kids."
"Good luck Ev." She said as Rafe and Evelyn walked out the front door.
The doctor met them at the front of the hospital and a nurse put her in a wheelchair. Rafe leaned over and kissed her, "Everything will be fine." And she was gone.
He stood there feeling such as sense of deja vu because the last time he'd seen her taken away in a wheelchair, she'd had Sarah. The knot in his stomach got bigger because this was not the happy occasion it was then. Evelyn was in trouble and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.
He sat down in a chair in the waiting room. He'd never felt more alone in his life and kept looking down the hall where Evelyn had disappeared. Barbara came running in through the front entrance and saw Rafe sitting by himself. "How is she?"
"The doctor just took her in and I have no idea what's goin' on."
Barbara took him by the arm. "The first thing you're going to do is go to the father's waiting room. It may be awhile and you'll be more comfortable there. I'll check on Ev, see how she is and keep you posted."
"Thanks Barbara."
"It's nothing." She told him and took him down to the waiting room. It was empty and quiet. "As soon as I know something I'll come tell you." And she was gone.
Rafe sat down and couldn't help but remember he'd been here. He was surrounded by friends and had his son with him. He hoped the kids were sleeping and wouldn't wake up while they were gone. He didn't want Danny to be afraid. He took a deep breath and tried not to let the fear of what was happening overtake him.
The door to the waiting room opened and Danny stuck his head in. "Hey." Was all he said. He walked over to where Rafe was and sat down next to him. "So what's happening?"
"I don't know. We were gettin' ready to go to bed and Evelyn told me she needed to come to the hospital."
They sat in silence and waited for some word about how Evelyn was doing.
Rafe had no idea what time it was when he heard Barbara. "Rafe, wake up."
He hadn't realized he'd fallen asleep in the chair and saw Danny stretched out on the one sofa in the room. He saw her sitting next to him and she was very serious. "Evelyn would like to talk to you."
"Is she all right?"
"She's fine."
"The baby?" He felt his chest tighten.
"She'll explain everything Rafe." And she got up, waiting for him. As he started for the door Danny sat up and looked at Barbara and she shook her head. Damn! He thought and sighed.
Rafe waited for Barbara and she took him down to a small private room across from the maternity ward. The room was dim and it was quiet except for the sound of Evelyn crying.
Oh, god. He approached the bed and sat down on the edge, taking Evelyn's hand. She had some of the color back in her face but her eyes were red from crying. She looked at him and he pulled her into his arms.
He tried to soothe her, but she was inconsolable. All he could do was hold her while she babbled, letting her voice what she was thinking. "This is my fault, I didn't want the baby enough. I wasn't ready to have another one when Sarah is still a baby. I should have been happier about it and all I could think of was how was I going to take care of three kids when I can barely keep up with two. Danny's walking and Sarah's starting to crawl and I was going to be running around after two kids while I was as big as a house and having a hard time walking." And she cried again.
He sighed. "Evelyn, this is my fault if there is any blame to be handed out. I miss you so much when I'm gone and I don't think about consequences. The doc was right when he told us we should have taken precautions and from now on we will. If you want to have another baby we'll wait until this damn war is over so I can be here for you for more than a few weeks at a time."
"Are you too disappointed?"
"No. I just want you to be all right." He gently pulled her arms from around his waist and looked at her. "I love you Evelyn and I'll do whatever you want me to do. Just give me the word."
"You've already done it Rafe, you're here."
"I'll always be here."
When Evelyn opened her eyes, she looked over to see that Barbara had fallen asleep. She couldn't help but smile to herself because it seemed all they could do at their age was sleep.
She sighed and suddenly she saw Rafe standing at the foot of the bed. She slowly sat up, trying to grasp what it was she was seeing. He didn't look as he had just a few days ago, before he died. He looked as he had all of those years ago when she'd fallen in love with him. He was in his dress uniform, cap tucked under his arm and smiling at her. He'd come for her. "No honey, I'm not here to take you with me because it ain't your time yet." He always could tell what she was thinking. "I just wanted to check on you and see how your doin'."
"I miss you Rafe."
"I miss you too honey, but we'll be together again."
"I never had a chance to tell you how much I loved you before you left me. We had a good life and I wouldn't trade one second of it for anything."
"I wouldn't either." He put his cap down on the foot of the bed. "There's another reason I'm here. I wanted you to see our little angel. She was waitin' for me when I got there and wanted to see you."
"A girl?" And suddenly Rafe was holding a baby. She looked just like her father with sandy hair and brown eyes. "I'm glad she looks like you."
"I wouldn't have minded if she'd looked like you." Barbara stirred in the chair and Rafe picked up his cap from the bed. "I've got to go now Evelyn. We're expected back real soon but I had to see how you were holdin' up."
"I love you Rafe."
"I love you too Evelyn." And he was gone.
She laid back down and closed her eyes. Just as he'd always promised her, he was there when she needed him.