It had been hard on Evelyn when she thought Rafe had died in England.
She had never gotten used to the idea that he would not be coming back to her and if he had not turned up alive, she would have gone through her life wondering what might have been. She felt much that same way about the baby they had lost and wondered if it would have been a boy or a girl.
The doctor had kept her in the hospital for a few days to make sure there were no complications from the miscarriage. Rafe was always there and on one visit had brought the children. The sight of Danny seemed to cheer her, but seeing Sarah upset her. It was a painful reminder, so Rafe had Sandra take both the children home. He was feeling a little isolated because after he'd held her that night Evelyn hadn't touched him. She would barely even look at him because he believed she blamed him. To Rafe's way of thinking, if he'd been around more maybe this wouldn't have happened. He should have taken that damn instructor's job because if he had Evelyn wouldn't have worried about him so much and they might still be expecting their baby.
As far as why she had miscarried, the doctor couldn't tell them. She was in good health and already having had two children and no problems with either pregnancy, he was at a loss. So the only consolation he could offer them was that those things happened. It did not help, but he didn't know what else to tell them.
When Rafe finally brought her home he tried to do what he could to help her, but Evelyn gently rebuffed him. He wished he understood what was happening with her but she wasn't very talkative. She'd never been so quiet because she had always told him what was on her mind. This was one thing though, that she may have felt he could not possibly understand. In one sense she was right because she had been carrying a human life and now she wasn't. But that life was something they had created together and he was feeling the loss of it too.
The girls had taken the kids for the day so Rafe and Evelyn could have some time to themselves.
He coaxed her out to the back porch and they sat together on the sofa. He wanted nothing more than to have her snuggled against him as she had always done when they sat, but now she kept herself away from him. He reached over and tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear and he saw a tear roll down her cheek. "You're breakin' my heart Evelyn." He said sadly.
Another tear rolled down the other cheek and she sighed. "I don't know what to do Rafe."
He brushed her cheek gently with the back of his hand, but said nothing.
"What happened to the baby was not our fault." She said it as though she were trying to convince herself more than him. "The doctor told us it happens sometimes for no real reason and that's the hard part for me. We did everything right and we lost our baby. That's the hard part." She repeated.
Rafe's heart really was breaking to see his wife struggling with something that didn't have a logical answer. He moved closer to her and slowly put his arms around her. She let out a shaky sigh and put her head on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry for pushing you away."
He kissed the top of her head. "I've been worried because you haven't been talkin' to me. That's somethin' we've always done and when you got so quiet I thought you blamed me."
She shook her head. "Never. If you hadn't been here when it happened, I would have been a lot more scared than I was. Just knowing you were there with me in the hospital was such a relief."
"I didn't do anything."
She sat up and took his hand. "You were there for me when I needed you the most and you stayed with me through the whole horrible thing."
"I wouldn't have been much of a husband if I hadn't stayed with you."
"Rafe you've been the best husband to me and I'm so glad to be sharing my life with you." She said with a smile. It was the first smile he'd seen in days and she curled up on the sofa and snuggled into the crook of his arm. He kissed the top of her head again and she leaned into him and closed her eyes. After a few minutes, he felt her relax and realized she had fallen asleep. "Evelyn?" He said quietly, but she didn't move.
He sat there trying to figure out how to get her to the bedroom without waking her. She hadn't slept much in the hospital and he worried about that. The doctor had told Rafe she needed a lot of rest and he was going to do everything he could to make sure she did.
As carefully as he could, he got an arm under her knees and slipped the other behind her back. He balanced her weight against his chest and stood up. She really had gone into a deep sleep he figured because she didn't move. He carried her down to the bedroom, settled her on the bed and then covered her with a blanket. He stood watching her sleep for a moment before he left the room and closed the door behind him.
Rafe was at a loss. His children were gone for the day, his wife was sleeping and he had no idea what to do. The last two years of his life had revolved around flying combat missions and being with his family. He wasn't accustomed to being alone and he didn't like it. He walked over to the telephone and put in a call to the barracks. Please be there Danny, he pleaded to himself.
When Danny picked up the receiver, Rafe was on the other end sounding absolutely lost. He knew that feeling. Rafe told him the kids were not there, Evelyn was sleeping and could he come over to the house. Without hesitation Danny told him he'd be there. He was worried about his friend and the fact that Rafe had called him to come over was an indication to Danny that he needed to talk.
It had been hard on Evelyn he knew, but it had been difficult to tell how Rafe was doing. Danny had sat in the father's waiting room, waiting to hear about Evelyn. When Rafe had finally come back, he'd looked tired. He'd sat down next to Danny and sighed then put his head in his hands, but said nothing. Danny had put a hand on his shoulder in a futile gesture of comfort and Rafe had sighed again. "She lost the baby." Was all he'd told him.
"I know Rafe and I'm damn sorry about that."
"So am I.''
Rafe stood on the front porch, waiting. He'd checked on Evelyn and she was still sound asleep, so he decided to wait for Danny outside. It wasn't long before he saw him coming up the front walk and Rafe got up from the swing to meet him at the bottom of the steps. He put his hand out and Danny grasped it, "Thanks for comin' Danny."
"Any time, you know that."
"Let's grab a beer." And they went into the kitchen where Rafe got a couple of bottles out of the icebox. Danny followed him to the back porch and took the rocking chair as Rafe sat down on the sofa.
"So how are you doin' Rafe? You look like you're about ready to drop." Danny looked at his friend with concern.
"Now I understand why Evelyn is always so tired. I've been takin' care of the kids since she was in the hospital and it's a lot of work. I don't know how she does it and I don't know what she would have done if she were goin' to have the baby." He took a pull on the bottle and sighed. "We're not havin' any more, at least until the war is over."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Yea. Evelyn had told me she didn't want anymore after this one and then she lost it. So we decided we had to be a lot more careful and wait until I was home for good before we have another one."
Danny nodded. "That sounds like a good plan."
Rafe felt his chest tighten and put the bottle on the side table before he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "She means everything to me and I've made things so difficult for her." He said.
Danny frowned. "How do you figure that? Rafe, I've never seen her as happy as when she's with you. You didn't see her when she thought you were dead, she hardly ever smiled and always looked so sad. Whether you want to believe it or not, I think you're the best thing that's ever happened to her and she knows that."
"She's told me that." Rafe admitted.
"Then what more do you need. Remember what your daddy always told you? If you don't have a little rain every once in awhile, you can't appreciate the sunshine. You and Evelyn have had nothin' but sunshine since you got married and now you have deal with some rain. Remember that rain makes things grow."
Rafe sat quietly and nodded at what Danny was telling him. "Daddy always has a way of puttin' things and so do you."
"What kind of friend would I be if I couldn't help?" He grinned.
For the first time in days, Rafe was able to smile. "Thanks Danny, I feel better."
"That's why I'm here."
They sat quietly, neither feeling the need to talk. So they each finished their beers and then Danny got up. "I'm goin' to head back over to the barracks. I'm takin' Sandra to the movies later and I need to get ready."
Rafe stood up. "Why didn't you say somethin' when I called? You didn't have to come over."
"Yea I did. You're my best friend Rafe and you needed someone to talk to, Sandra would understand that."
"Well get goin' then. I don't want you bein' late on my account." And he managed a grin.
Danny saw that and knew he was going to be all right. "Thanks old man."
They went back into the house and headed to the front door. Rafe walked Danny out to the front porch and stuck his hand out. "Thanks again Danny."
Danny shook his hand and smiled. "We've known each other our whole lives and you've always been there for me. I was glad to be able to return the favor." And he was gone.
Rafe went back into the house just as the telephone rang. When he answered Barbara was on the other end. "How is she doing?"
"She's sleepin'."
"That's good, she needs it. How are you doing?"
"I'm all right. Danny was here and he let me chew his ear off."
"That's good too. You needed it."
"Yea, I did."
"How would you feel about the kids staying overnight?"
"We couldn't ask you to do that."
Barbara laughed. "I've told you're wife and I'll tell you. You're not asking, I'm volunteering. So how about it?"
They really had good friends and he was thankful they had stayed in Hawaii. "I'll take you up on that. Do you have everything you need or should I bring you anything?"
"We're fine over here, just look after Evelyn." Barbara told him.
"I'll do that. Thanks again Barbara."
"It's nothing. We'll drop the kids off on our way to the hospital tomorrow morning."
"Okay." And they hung up.
Rafe went down to the bedroom to check on Evelyn. When he opened the door, she was still sleeping and he decided to join her. He stretched out on the bed and put his arm around her. He heard her sigh and then she turned in his arms so she could look at him. "Everything's going to be all right Rafe. We have each other and we have the kids."
"We can't ask for more than that."
"I do want another baby, I just wanted you to know that." She smiled.
"I know. And I can wait, I just want you to know that." Rafe told her as he pulled her close and they both fell asleep.