Daisuke: So...Is it time to answer the reviews yet?...
akai: eh?...why are you here?...
Daisuke: Wondering where Ken had wandered off to...found you...catching up on news...stuff...
akai: oh...
Daisuke: So, are you going to answer them or not?...
akai: Yes, yes...I'm getting to that... :P
Kiyra - *clicks button 50-billion times till it works* X_x I would have reviewed sooner but Fanfiction.net was being an *ahems* arse.
I really like the ficcy. I hope you'll pump out more chapters. I wanna know what happens!! ^-^ And I hope it's a happy Taito. xD I'm a sucker for that. ^^;
Fanfiction.net is a royal pain at times...sigh...but I shouldn't complain. It is free ^_^ As for more chapters after this one...we'll see... >:)
Kyo - I Want a Yamachi!!! Please! cause there isn't many like that! it's mostly Taito... But i love them both very very very much! love your fic please write more soon.
Ok. As per your request, this chapter is more Yamachi than Taito...at least I think it is...hmmm...more chapters is sounding more and more likely now......
Lady S - FINALLY an update! whew...thought we'd never find out poor Matt's fate! AWWWW...nooo not TK! hehe, keep up the good wk.
Heh...well, Yamato's got a better deal now, right?... ^_^ and what's wrong with little TK? Doesn't he deserve any love??...
Tiger V - ohhhhh! Whats going to happen next!? Please tell me there is going to be more taito! Please! Please!
I'm glad you're enthusiastic! I hope you enjoy this chapter then ^_^
CMF - Hmm... I vote that every character pairs up with DEATH! That would put an interesting (and angsty) twist to this story.
Uh...technically, death wasn't one of the pairing choices, though I did say "someone else...or noone at all"...so I guess this vote counts...heh...but since I also know who you are, I also know that this is a joke ballot, so you get nothing! :P~ (Though I will admit that this chapter would have turned out much, much more angsty if I had paired someone up with death...hmmm......)
Animeangel - Oh thank you! I was happy to review. I can't believe you didn't get more. *Looks surprised* I changed my name... again. ^_^ This is so cute. And if you don't make it Yamato... *imitates Yama earlier* I love this fic, and your little explanations. They're funny and interesting.
Awww...I'm glad you like my explanations. ^_^ I'm always afraid that people don't like them, don't care about them, or that I'm just wasting my time writing them. And yes, it is more of a Yamachi this chapter...so hang on tight! ^_^
Chisama (through email) - ...strangely enough, I think I'm going to vote for a Taikeru/Takechi....if for some reason your author powers don't miraculously bring Yamato back to life....in which case you would HAVE to make it Taito!! (Sorry TK!)
Yet again...poor TK gets nothing... -_-;;
Daisiuke: Awww...now I wanna go give Takeru a hug...
akai: Don't let Ken hear you saying that... -_-;;
Ken: Too late...
Daisuke: Eeps!
Ken: You were just saying that cause you feel bad for him, right?...
Daisuke: Right... *nods*
Ken: You wouldn't leave me, will you?...
Daisuke: Of course not...why would you believe that?
Ken: Cause you get married to some other girl and I end up with Miyako...
Daisuke: ...
akai: That's Toei's version...heh...you should know that as long as you guys hang around ff.net, Toei's vision of your futures don't hold... >:)
Ken: *smile* ^_^
Can you believe it? I can't. I can't believe that I gave up without trying! I gave up too soon! I gave up everything...including my faith in my friendships. Some Keeper of Friendship I turned out to be. Maybe it's better I'm dead. I don't deserve Tai's friendship...or love...
Yes, Tai said he loved me. He told my little brother, crying tears of pain that I caused as the clouds drenched them in their own tears. I don't deserve you, Tai. I don't.
Love After Death
akaisakura
Chapter 3: Sometimes, I'm surprised, and Things CAN Turn Out Well...
I know I should have just put him behind me that day and never looked back, but I couldn't bring myself to. It's like I feel the need to straighten out this whole mess and make Tai happy. I feel like I need to apologize to him for being such a faithless coward and to tell him to move on. I feel a myriad of things...and at the same time, I have to save Gabumon.
I've been putzing around in the Digital World for the past week, thinking everything through, working out what I'd say -- everything. It's all useless, though 'cause I can't even talk to him. I'm letting this get to me...I think I'm depressed...
"Yamato?..."
I look up. I don't know who's more surprised. I didn't think he could see me, but the look on his face tells me otherwise.
"Tai?..."
His face drains of color.
"Is it really you?... I-I-I don't know anymore... I've been thinking about you so much for all this time...and... I hope this isn't the Digital World playing with my mind..."
I still can't believe that he can see me... I walk closer to him...and he sinks to his knees.
"Yamato...I'm so sorry I didn't get to you in time. I should have seen it coming and helped you more. That's why you can't rest, isn't it? You need to scold me first...I'm so sorry..."
The last bit is muffled as he bows his head to the ground as he does a koutou. I can't believe he truly believes he could have done more...
I pick him up off the ground...or attempt to anyway. Whoosh. Yeah, great job Ishida Yamato. Tai must have noticed the chill though cause he looks up at me.
"Tai, listen...I'm not mad at you...How can I be? It was all my choice. Totally and completely..."
He interrupts me. "But I could have helped you so you didn't have to make that choice!..."
Well, I guess he could have...but I really can't blame him. I mean, I was just as scared to tell him how I feel, and that was what carried the most weight in my decision. I look him in the eyes.
"Tai, I have something to confess." He looks at me, thoroughly confused. I guess it's the sudden change in my tone of voice. "Tai...I love you. And because I was too scared of losing you, I...it...I caused myself so much pain that I just thought it would be better if I was dead. I'm sorry Tai. I really regret what I've done, and all the pain I've caused everyone -- especially you..."
There. I said it. Suddenly, it's very quiet. Tai's looking at the ground. I think he's taking it all in. He starts to say something, and he gets louder and louder with each passing word.
"No, Yamato! Don't you see?! I could have saved you! I'm so stupid sometimes!" He punches the ground. "Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!" He accentuates each curse with another punch to the ground. "I...I was also too scared...I thought I was watching out for your well-being...I thought that the last thing you needed was another problem to deal with...so I never told you. I regretted never telling you while you were alive, and now I regret it even more..."
"It's ok, Tai. There's no way you could have known I liked you, or that this was what was bothering me. You know I don't like to share much about the deepest part of my heart...that's just how I am. Please, cheer up...I'm here now. I know you love me and you had only what was in my best interest at heart."
I give him a smile as he looks at me with tearful eyes. He looks so vulnerable... And yet again, I pass through him as I unsuccessfully try to give him a hug.
*Thud*
My face hits the ground. Tai breaks into a round of soft sobbing.
Damn.
This is going to be one looooong afternoon.
So I finally calmed him down, and made him understand that it was not his fault. I also filled him in on all the things I've been doing, including my problem with Gabumon. His solution? Stay in the Digital World...
"Yeah, I mean, as long as you're not haunting around in the real world, then you're technically not breaking the rules, right?" *Big Goofy Smile*
That's Tai for you, Mr. Mischief. So I guess we've now decided that I'm going to stay in the Digital World. He actually seems a lot happier to know that he can come visit whenever he wants. It's kinda like I'm still alive...
"I wish I could hold you, Yama..."
...just...without a physical body... *sigh*
"I know, Tai...You don't know how much I want to hold you too..."
We sit in silence, his hand in mine. I guess this gives it a whole new meaning, huh?... I can only imagine the coldness he must feel as his hand sits in mine.
The light's almost completely gone from the sky. No matter how many times I see this, I will always enjoy this unique sunset. I always did.
"Say, Tai...do you have to go home any time soon?..."
"Not really. Just as long as I go home some time tonight, it should be ok."
"Oh."
We continue to watch the light fade and the stars appear.
"Tai...I wanna try something. It's something I read in a manga once..."
"A manga? Which one?"
"...Tokyo Babylon..."
He bursts out laughing.
"HAHAHA...the great and mighty "I'm too cool for you" Ishida Yamato reads shoujo manga!"
Ugh... I want to smack him over the head for that one.
"Hey! What's wrong with shoujo?? And besides, Tokyo Babylon's a classic! Not to mention that it's CLAMP's great social commentary...and given the current state we're in, I'd say it's a more than appropriate reference!"
I stick my tongue out at him as he continues to chuckle.
"Ok, ok, Yama. I admit that I know what it's about, so I guess you've got me there. You're not seriously thinking of doing what I think you're suggesting...are you?..."
"Well, why now?"
His face scrunches up in that cute little way that it does when he's thinking things through.
"Isn't it dangerous, though?"
"I trust you...do you trust yourself?"
"Well...I guess so..."
"Then I say we give it a try!" I give him one of my rarest smiles that I usually reserve only for Takeru. And he smiles back, warmth and love radiating from his aura.
I'm so excited. I'm so nervous. I'm so excited. I don't know which feeling is greater...
If this actually works, I can finally give my Tai the hug that's been just out of my reach for...years...
I look down at his sleeping form. Since we were actually going to try this thing, Tai had emailed his parents, saying he was going to stay in the Digital World for a bit, and that he was alright. With that chore out of the way, we had discussed how exactly to do this.
In the manga, the character Subaru is an onmyouji who could send a part of himself into the minds of people in a coma, or a deep sleep, to help them work through their problems. Well, the idea didn't seem too unrealistic, since there are lots of mediums that practice onmyoujitsu in Japan, so maybe there's some spell like that in real life. Sides, since I'm already dead, I don't have the problem of trying to separate out enough to leave behind to keep my body alive. I figure it should be easier too, since I trust that Tai won't have a barrier trying to stop me. But hey, who knows. Maybe this whole thing will be a flop anyway.
I will myself to calm down. This is as nerve-wracking as having sex for the first time. Heck, what am I talking about? I've never had sex before, but I guess that's about as close a description as I can give. I think back to the manga. Now what were those words Subaru was chanting?...
I don't think I really need a spell to go into Tai's dreams, but right now, I need something to focus on to keep me steady. So I start chanting.
noubou akya shya
kyara baya
on arikya
maribori sowaka
With my eyes closed, I lean forward and give Tai a kiss on the forehead.
Light surrounds me, and I blink in the brightness. A little ways from me, I see a figure. I run up to it, knowing exactly who it is.
He turns around, and there's a huge smile on his face.
"I've been waiting..."
And I fall into his outstretched arms, surrounded in a warmth I've never known until now.
Yama: *sniffle*
Tai: *hands Yama a tissue*
Yama: That...awwww.... *starts crying*
Tai: I think Yama's happy with your ending...
akai: You think so?...
Tai: Course, I'm not happy...
akai: huh?...
Tai: Where's the action?! This is the guy I've loved for years, and you don't even let us have our fun!
akai: uh...In case you've forgotten, I've never written a lemon before. Heck, I've never even written a lime before... /well, there was that tiny drop, but that doesn't count/
Tai: So?...you gotta start somewhere, right?...so??...
akai: You actually trust me to write you two in a lemon?... I wouldn't trust me... Besides, how do you know people even want to read about you two getting it on, huh?...
Tai: All those in favor of turning down a lemon, raise your hand...
*crickets chirp as one person raises their hand...then it quickly goes down as the mob gathers round...*
Tai: Ok. Now all those who wants some action...well, you know what to do... *big smile*
akai: Oh, no...you did not just tell people to coerce me into writing a lime/lemon...tell me you didn't!
Tai: *continues to smile*
akai: What am I going to do with you?...
Tai: Hopefully, put me in a nice and juicy scene with Yama! ^_^
akai: ... ... ... -_-;;
Edu-notes:
-Koutou is the traditional (and extremely formal) Asian way of begging for forgiveness or when you're asking a big favor of someone who is socially higher than you. To do a koutou, you kneel on the ground with your hands on the ground in front of your body, and then bow your head so low that you actually touch your forehead to the ground. It is a sign of deep humility and respect for the person you're asking. This gesture is also seen when Muslims pray, and the word koutou has been adopted in the English language to describe that as well. In the English language, the word koutou is spelled kowtow.
Story Notes:
-First of all, I hope people like how this story's progressing...I didn't want to kill Tai, but at the same time, I didn't...er, couldn't bring Yamato back, since his body's now a pile of dust...so what do you all think about this twist? Good? Bad? Different? Awful? Cheesy? o_0;;
-Yes, Tai can see Yamato...it runs in his family I guess. Ok...so where's my back-up? Well, Hikari can see spirits, and get possessed by them as well. Also, in the episode where Tai gets sucked back into the real world after the fight with Entemon, he can see traces and ghosts of digimon. The other people around him couldn't see them, but Tai and Hikari could both see the renegade digimons.
-I love Tai's reasoning...somehow, I can definitely see him as the type who finds ways to bend all the rules ^_^ I tried to make this chapter a little more lighthearted (and bad puns run rampant), especially after all the angst and people blaming themselves. I hope it came out well, and not dorky... :P
-Ah, Tokyo Babylon. It's gotta be one of the better mangas that has lasted so long. When it went back into printing recently, people were moved enough to write essays about the impact of this series. At the end of each volume, there is an essay by a novelist or a producer or some other big hotshot. It's a great series that I highly recommend ^_^
As for why going into another person's mind can be dangerous...well, that's cause you never know what could happen. Since you're in the person's mind, they have complete control of your surroundings. And if they want, they can keep you there forever, or kill you, or whatnot (Subaru was almost killed by the girl he was trying to help). That's why Tai wasn't sure that it was such a good idea. Of course, Yamato trusts Tai, so he's not afraid to give it a shot.
Onmyoujitsu is the art of Ying-Yang magic and a practitioner is called an onmyouji. The spell I wrote out is the spell CLAMP used in the manga. Don't write to me telling me that you've been sucked into the brain of your pet dog if it actually works... @_@;; I'm not an expert in onmyoujitsu and I can't get you back out... (on the other hand, if you were stuck in your dog's head, would you even be able to email me?... hmmm...)