The Way of the Squib
a Harry Potter fan-fic
by Ozma
a sequel to "Squib Wizard"
Chapter 3: The Heat of the Moment
Harry Potter and Colin Creevey were quite dismayed when Minerva informed them what their
detention would entail. Scrubbing the floor of the Castle's vast entrance hall was not their idea of a fun
way to spend a Saturday night.
Too bad for them. Some things are necessary, even if they are not pleasant.
I'd already started working when Minerva sent the boys to me.
"Don't just stand there, gawking!" I said, waving my hand at more buckets, and a collection of
brushes, mops and bottles of Magical Mess Remover.
"The sooner you begin, the sooner you will finish! Life isn't all glory on the Quidditch pitch, you
know!" I growled.
Creevey continued to stare, his wide eyes taking in every inch of the vast stone floor. Then his
head tilted back, to study the ceiling, so high up that it was hard to make out He looked even smaller than
usual, alone in the large hall, except for Potter and me.
Potter went right to work, as he usually does. He chose a bucket (which I'd already filled with
cleaning solution, to save time,) a mop and a brush. Then he went to a part of the room well away from
where I was scrubbing. He knelt down, dipped his brush into the bucket and began cleaning.
"Creevey!" I barked. "Are you waiting for an engraved invitation? Start helping! No, boy, don't
go over there... Potter already has that section of floor. Start from a different side and we can all work our
way over to the middle!"
I had been too tired to yell at them the night before, but I was making up for it now. My mood
was particularly foul because I had just spent some time with Mrs. Norris in our rooms, trying to soothe
her. My cat was wailing inconsolably, and showing little interest in either food or milk. Her yowling broke
my heart. The thought of her alone in such a state made me miserable. But there was nothing useful I
could do for her if I stayed.
Poor Mrs. Norris was in heat, and longing desperately for the company of at least one amorous
tomcat. Minerva and Poppy had advised me to just let her out, and allow nature to take its course. But I
wanted to wait for Professor Flitwick to return to the Castle. Surely he would know some Charm to save
her from the demands of pregnancy and motherhood! He would return sometime tomorrow evening... if
Mrs. Norris and I could hold out that long.
Creevey had finally started cleaning. And chattering. His clear, little voice carried loudly through
the echoing hall.
"...Dennis took lots of pictures of us practicing today, Harry! He says he thinks he got a good shot
of that brilliant catch you made... remember when you were showing me how fast the Snitch can dive...?
Do you think I'll ever be able to make a catch like that, Harry?"
"Of course you will, Colin," Potter said, with more patience then I would have been able to
muster under similar circumstances. "You just need a little more practice..."
"Let's have a lot less TALKING and a lot more WORKING over there, boys!" I snarled. Then I
suppressed a twinge of guilt. It was unfair of me to have included both of them in the scolding, when
Potter was keeping pace with me quite well.
Creevey managed to keep silent for a while. I could tell that it was a real strain for him.
Eventually, he blurted out,
"Ron really is an excellent Keeper! Did you know that he would be so good? He's *wild!* Half
the time, he was only holding onto his broom with one leg! Dennis said that Hermione never even
finished one page of her book because she kept watching Ron. She kept muttering that he was absolutely
insane! Dennis says he got some really good pictures of Ron..."
"Creevey!" I snarled, furiously. "If your hands could only move as quickly as that mouth of yours,
we'd already be done! Shut UP!"
I'd never seen little Creevey actually look abashed before.
Potter, who can take any amount of scolding that's directed at him, didn't like me yelling at
Creevey. He gave me a glare that was nearly worthy of Professor Snape.
I gave him one right back. No student, no matter how well he cleans, is going to look at me like
that!
For a while, the three of us scrubbed in silence.
And then, we heard it.
A heart-rending yowl, echoing down, through the vast, empty space between the far-off ceiling
and the stone floor of the entrance hall. Bouncing down the stairs, echoing off the marble of the first two
flights.
Potter and Creevey looked at each other in confusion.
"Impossible! How did she get out?" I said.
Both boys looked at me.
"How did who get out?" Potter asked.
"Never mind!" I snapped. "Keep working, Potter. And try to keep Creevey working too. I'll be
right back!"
As fast as I could, I ran up the first flight of stairs, then into a corridor, where the boys couldn't
see me. Summoning red-and-gold, I said, "Take me to Mrs. Norris!"
I emerged near the entrance to the stairwell on the fourth floor. Mrs. Norris was crouched, barely
two feet in front of me, wailing like a heartsick feline Juliet seeking her Romeo.
To make matters worse, I could hear several "Romeos" yowling right back.
"Believe me, you'll be grateful for this when you return to your proper senses, my sweet..." I said,
softly as I knelt down and reached for her. "Now, let's just get you back to our room, and..."
Mrs. Norris darted nimbly out of my reach. She went racing down the corridor on the left hand
side, rapidly disappearing around a corner and out of sight.
Cursing, I summoned red-and-gold once more. "Take me to Mrs. Norris!"
I caught up with her not a moment too soon. Several suitors, clearly smitten by her charms, were
surrounding her, vying enthusiastically for her affections. The noise level was incredible.
Wishing that I'd brought my mop along to use as a weapon, or at least a bucket of water, I waded
into the melee to defend her virtue.
********
When I returned to the entrance hall, I was triumphant, if considerably scratched and bloodied.
Mrs. Norris had been returned to our rooms, her honor still intact. Her swains had been left to mill about,
wailing in disappointment.
Potter and Creevey regarded my battered condition with raised eyebrows. Potter made no
comment. Predictably, Creevey was full of questions.
"Are you all right, Mr. Filch? What happened? Harry said that you must have gone to break up a
cat-fight! Were some other cats fighting with Mrs. Norris? Is she all right?"
"Yes..." I said, grimly. "Some other cats were ...fighting... with Mrs. Norris. She's fine now. I've
locked her up where she'll be safe."
Potter was biting his lip. He looked like he was trying hard to keep from laughing. I was sure that
he knew perfectly well that the other cats hadn't wanted to "fight" with Mrs. Norris. Though I was glad
he hadn't said as much to Creevey.
Critically, I scanned the floor. As usual, it was impossible to find fault with Potter's cleaning
efforts. My bad mood warred with my sense of justice. I almost never feel the urge to praise a student's
work. Potter was one of the very few exceptions.
I was forced to admit that Creevey's work wasn't too bad either. Not up to Potter's level, of
course, but Creevey knew how to apply elbow-grease with the skill of most Muggle-borns.
Potter had kept scrubbing at a steady pace all the time I'd been gone. Nearly to the middle of the
entrance hall, his progress had far outstripped Creevey's. Or, for that matter, mine!
Determined to catch up, I went back to work.
Soon afterwards, we all heard the same yowling as before, echoing eerily down the stairs!
I cursed, very loudly, forgetting for a moment that the boys were present.
"How does she keep getting out?!?" I snarled, slamming my brush into the bucket.
"Does Mrs. Norris *want* to fight with those other cats, Harry?" Creevey asked, wide-eyed.
"I'll explain in a minute, Colin..." I heard Potter saying, as I ran up the stairs again, this time
bringing along my mop and bucket.
I was just as glad that I was going to miss out on Potter's little lesson on the various aspects of
nature. Grimly, I wondered how he happened to know so much about cats. He didn't have a cat, he had an
owl! Well, perhaps those Muggles he lived with had a cat...
*******
The number of suitors had increased. I had a difficult time getting Mrs. Norris away from them,
particularly since she didn't want to be rescued. Though the mop and the bucket had evened up the odds a
little. When Mrs. Norris was, at last, safely confined in her chaste bedchamber again, I limped back down
to the entrance hall.
This time, my appearance didn't amuse the boys. Potter and Creevey looked at my bloody face,
scratched arms and ripped shirt without grinning.
"Mr. Filch...?" Potter said, a little hesitantly. "Maybe you should go to the hospital wing."
The thought of what Poppy would say to me, if she saw me in this state, made me cringe.
"No!" I snarled.
Smarting all over, I went back to work. I was hoping that I'd discouraged them from asking me
any more questions.
No such luck.
"Mr. Filch...?" Creevey piped up. "Don't you want Mrs. Norris to have kittens?"
I didn't have the energy to glare at him. I just sighed.
"Kittens are a lot of bother." I said, wearily. "Mrs. Norris will gain weight, feel very tired and
she'll be sick sometimes, too. And pregnancy is only the beginning. Giving birth is no picnic either! And
then, her work really starts. All the nursing, and the teaching! Never a moment to herself. She would not
be able to have a quiet nap without the little beasts piling themselves up all over her..."
"But... Harry says that she's making all that noise because she really *wants* kittens."
"She can't help that. It's instinctive. Once Professor Flitwick returns he'll be able to fix her. He
should be back tomorrow night."
`I hope...' I thought.
"Fix her?" Creevey said. "You mean the same way that my cat at home is fixed? I didn't know
Professor Flitwick was a vet! Did you know that, Harry?"
"Professor Flitwick isn't a `vet," whatever that is! He's going to use a Charm on her." I said.
"Oh!" Creevey exclaimed.
Then, he took a deep breath and launched into a somewhat lengthy explanation of what a vet
was. Some sort of Muggle that "fixed" cats. Not with anything as clean and neat as a Charm, either. A
"vet" would put a cat to sleep and cut her open!"
"Then," Creevey was saying, apparently not noticing that I had gone chalk white under my
scratches, "after the uterus and all those other bits have been removed, the vet will sew her right back
up..."
"Er... Colin?" Potter said. "I think you'd better stop. Mr. Filch doesn't want to hear any more."
"It doesn't hurt! Our Grizabella had it done when she was young, and she was good as new in a
week or so!"
"Colin..." Potter said, reprovingly.
I was shuddering visibly. Muggles were so bloodthirsty! I'd had no idea of the sorts of crudity
they were forced to resort to, in place of proper magic!
*******
When the horrific yowling began echoing down the stairs, for a third time, I just buried my head
in my hands.
"How...?" I moaned. "HOW does she keep getting out?"
Then, over the loud wails of my poor, love-sick cat, Potter, Creevey and I all heard the sound of
a familiar cackle.
"Poor, poor old Filch! Doesn't want kittens, does he? Too much mess and bother! Well, isn't that
just too bad for old Filch!"
"Peeves...?" I said, faintly.
The wretched poltergeist appeared, floating in the air over my head. He was rolling about in mid-
air, laughing madly.
"PEEVES!" I shrieked, swinging my mop at him. "HAVE YOU BEEN LETTING MRS.
NORRIS OUT OF MY ROOM?"
"Poor, sweet Mrs. Norris!" Peeves said, in mock-sympathetic tones. "Poor, sweet, dear *lonely*
Mrs. Norris! I was just doing her a favor, I was!"
The poltergeist floated just out of my reach, glaring at me wickedly.
I knew that this was revenge. He'd been angry because I had not given him a proper show the
night before, when he and I had caught Potter and Creevey trying to sneak out of the Castle for some
nighttime flying practice!
He was getting a show now. I could not remember the last time I had been so angry! I knew that
my eyes were popping. I could feel my face and body trembling with fury. Spit flew from my mouth as I
raged incoherently. I knew that I didn't have the strength to fight Mrs. Norris's admirers off for a third
time...
I tried to leap into the air and throttle Peeves. But both Potter and Creevey were holding my
arms.
"Calm down, Mr. Filch," Potter was saying, alarmed. Then, he said something that astonished
me.
"Would it be all right if I tried to get the other cats away from her for you? I could use a Stunning
spell, or I could put them to sleep..."
"Yes!" Creevey said, jumping up and down. "I'll help you, Harry! That's a brilliant idea!"
"You couldn't possibly..." I said, twisting my hands together. "Up all those stairs? You'd be
exhausted by the time you found them! And being able to get to where the cats are isn't enough! I've done
that twice already, and it's the easy part!"
It was, too. My Doors were only a little bit of help with this particular problem. Mrs. Norris was
still too fast for me, and she didn't want to be caught
Shaking my head in despair, I went on. "You'd have to be able to keep up with them to Stun
them, wouldn't you? All those cats, all moving so fast?"
"You'd need to be able to fly...." I said.
The three of us all looked at each other, while Peeves cackled madly over our heads.
The same thought had obviously just occurred to Potter, Creevey and me. The boys' eyes both
shone with delight.
"No," I said weakly. "Never! Not inside the Castle! It's not allowed! Against the Rules..."
"Kittens!" Peeves crowed in delight. "There'll be kittens everywhere! Poor, poor Filch! Will you
be able to find good homes for all of *this* batch?"
Something inside me snapped.
"Damn you!" I screamed, shaking my fists at the poltergeist. I turned and glared at Potter and
Creevey.
"All right!" I bellowed. "Do it! Call your brooms! Get yourselves up there and STUN those
amorous Toms! Do whatever you have to do, but keep them away from Mrs. Norris!!"
I'd shocked Peeves.
I'd shocked Potter.
I'd shocked Creevey.
For that matter, I'd shocked myself.
But it was too late to take it back.
Potter's eyes were dancing with delight.
Creevey's face was shining.
"Accio Firebolt!" Potter said.
"Accio Shooting Star!" Creevey said.
Twin blasts of magic blazed past me, racing up the stairs, towards Gryffindor tower.
END OF CHAPTER THREE
*******
Author's Notes:
Mouse: Thank you!!! I don't like Rita Skeeter as a person, but I do like her very much as a character. She
makes a great person "you love to hate."
I agree that she would make a perfect Slytherin. I confess that my reluctance to put her in Slytherin is
purely emotional. One of the things that bothers me about the actual Harry Potter books is that Rowling
seems to automatically stick most of the "bad guys" in Slytherin. And, many of the Slytherins' names are
vaguely unpleasant-sounding, or mean "bad." Like the "mal" in Malfoy, or "Malcom" or the "Bad" in
Baddock. There are a few exceptions to the "Bad Guys are from Slytherin" rule, like Peter Pettigrew, but
Pettigrew is balanced out by many positive Gryffindors. I would be a lot less reluctant to make Rita a
Slytherin, if Rowling had a few unambiguously good Slytherins to balance all the "Bad" ones.
(That sort of thing always did bother me, even as a kid, when I saw it in books that I really loved. I
remember getting upset when I read "Lord of the Rings." I cried over the Orcs. Weren't there any "good"
Orcs? If you're an Orc, then you're automatically evil? Every other creature in Middle Earth seemed to
have a choice! Why didn't the Orcs?
Among the books I enjoy now are the many volumes of the Redwall series. But it bothers me that all the
Rats and Weasels and Stoats are EVIL. Well, okay, there's been one good rat.)
The issue of Rita's House may not come up in the story again. Boy, do I feel sorry for the Sorting Hat...
Elspeth: Thank you!! Filch was just too tired to yell. And Peeves wanted Filch to yell, and put on a good
show for him. Filch decided that he'd rather not, thank you very much. Peeves is getting his revenge on
Filch for that, in this chapter.
Lataradk: Thank you!! That scene with Snape getting angry when Filch praised Harry's cleaning skills
was fun to write.
Lizard of Fire: Thank you!! Poor Filch does need his sleep. He doesn't seem to need much, but he really
needs more than he gets.
Rabbit: Thank you for your kind words and thank you for giving me the `Filch reacts to the Muggle vet's
solution" idea!!
I think, perhaps, a wizard's familiar, (even a Squib's) might have a longer than usual life-span. Mr. &
Mrs. Weasley didn't seem worried when Scabbers lasted far longer than a normal rat would.
Filch's reaction to Harry's situation at the Dursleys was interesting to think about. The unfair difference
in the way that Harry and Dudley get treated would be the first thing that made him angry. The more he
discovered about poor Harry's home situation, the angrier he would get.
Unrepentant Reader: Thank you!! Filch was terribly traumatized, the last time that Mrs. Norris had
kittens. Something sad happened, and he never really got over it.
Alchemine: Thank you!! The discomforts of pregnancy are only part of the reason that Filch doesn't want
Mrs. Norris to have another litter of little Norrises. (If that part of the backstory doesn't make it into the
actual story, I'll elaborate later.)
Filch: Minerva...? Marry....? (Blushes and stammers incoherently and dashes off to polish his "worry
beads.")
Filch would definitely be upset if he knew why Harry's so good at cleaning. His own parents made sure
that he knew how to work hard because they knew he'd have to. He's assuming that Harry's situation is
something like his own.
Gramarye: Thank you!! Colin is a fun character to write!! I love Ron as the new Gryffindor Keeper!!
Thank you for that idea too!
RioRaptor & Shadow: Thank you and Thank you!! I loved your reactions to Colin and his camera!!
a Harry Potter fan-fic
by Ozma
a sequel to "Squib Wizard"
Chapter 3: The Heat of the Moment
Harry Potter and Colin Creevey were quite dismayed when Minerva informed them what their
detention would entail. Scrubbing the floor of the Castle's vast entrance hall was not their idea of a fun
way to spend a Saturday night.
Too bad for them. Some things are necessary, even if they are not pleasant.
I'd already started working when Minerva sent the boys to me.
"Don't just stand there, gawking!" I said, waving my hand at more buckets, and a collection of
brushes, mops and bottles of Magical Mess Remover.
"The sooner you begin, the sooner you will finish! Life isn't all glory on the Quidditch pitch, you
know!" I growled.
Creevey continued to stare, his wide eyes taking in every inch of the vast stone floor. Then his
head tilted back, to study the ceiling, so high up that it was hard to make out He looked even smaller than
usual, alone in the large hall, except for Potter and me.
Potter went right to work, as he usually does. He chose a bucket (which I'd already filled with
cleaning solution, to save time,) a mop and a brush. Then he went to a part of the room well away from
where I was scrubbing. He knelt down, dipped his brush into the bucket and began cleaning.
"Creevey!" I barked. "Are you waiting for an engraved invitation? Start helping! No, boy, don't
go over there... Potter already has that section of floor. Start from a different side and we can all work our
way over to the middle!"
I had been too tired to yell at them the night before, but I was making up for it now. My mood
was particularly foul because I had just spent some time with Mrs. Norris in our rooms, trying to soothe
her. My cat was wailing inconsolably, and showing little interest in either food or milk. Her yowling broke
my heart. The thought of her alone in such a state made me miserable. But there was nothing useful I
could do for her if I stayed.
Poor Mrs. Norris was in heat, and longing desperately for the company of at least one amorous
tomcat. Minerva and Poppy had advised me to just let her out, and allow nature to take its course. But I
wanted to wait for Professor Flitwick to return to the Castle. Surely he would know some Charm to save
her from the demands of pregnancy and motherhood! He would return sometime tomorrow evening... if
Mrs. Norris and I could hold out that long.
Creevey had finally started cleaning. And chattering. His clear, little voice carried loudly through
the echoing hall.
"...Dennis took lots of pictures of us practicing today, Harry! He says he thinks he got a good shot
of that brilliant catch you made... remember when you were showing me how fast the Snitch can dive...?
Do you think I'll ever be able to make a catch like that, Harry?"
"Of course you will, Colin," Potter said, with more patience then I would have been able to
muster under similar circumstances. "You just need a little more practice..."
"Let's have a lot less TALKING and a lot more WORKING over there, boys!" I snarled. Then I
suppressed a twinge of guilt. It was unfair of me to have included both of them in the scolding, when
Potter was keeping pace with me quite well.
Creevey managed to keep silent for a while. I could tell that it was a real strain for him.
Eventually, he blurted out,
"Ron really is an excellent Keeper! Did you know that he would be so good? He's *wild!* Half
the time, he was only holding onto his broom with one leg! Dennis said that Hermione never even
finished one page of her book because she kept watching Ron. She kept muttering that he was absolutely
insane! Dennis says he got some really good pictures of Ron..."
"Creevey!" I snarled, furiously. "If your hands could only move as quickly as that mouth of yours,
we'd already be done! Shut UP!"
I'd never seen little Creevey actually look abashed before.
Potter, who can take any amount of scolding that's directed at him, didn't like me yelling at
Creevey. He gave me a glare that was nearly worthy of Professor Snape.
I gave him one right back. No student, no matter how well he cleans, is going to look at me like
that!
For a while, the three of us scrubbed in silence.
And then, we heard it.
A heart-rending yowl, echoing down, through the vast, empty space between the far-off ceiling
and the stone floor of the entrance hall. Bouncing down the stairs, echoing off the marble of the first two
flights.
Potter and Creevey looked at each other in confusion.
"Impossible! How did she get out?" I said.
Both boys looked at me.
"How did who get out?" Potter asked.
"Never mind!" I snapped. "Keep working, Potter. And try to keep Creevey working too. I'll be
right back!"
As fast as I could, I ran up the first flight of stairs, then into a corridor, where the boys couldn't
see me. Summoning red-and-gold, I said, "Take me to Mrs. Norris!"
I emerged near the entrance to the stairwell on the fourth floor. Mrs. Norris was crouched, barely
two feet in front of me, wailing like a heartsick feline Juliet seeking her Romeo.
To make matters worse, I could hear several "Romeos" yowling right back.
"Believe me, you'll be grateful for this when you return to your proper senses, my sweet..." I said,
softly as I knelt down and reached for her. "Now, let's just get you back to our room, and..."
Mrs. Norris darted nimbly out of my reach. She went racing down the corridor on the left hand
side, rapidly disappearing around a corner and out of sight.
Cursing, I summoned red-and-gold once more. "Take me to Mrs. Norris!"
I caught up with her not a moment too soon. Several suitors, clearly smitten by her charms, were
surrounding her, vying enthusiastically for her affections. The noise level was incredible.
Wishing that I'd brought my mop along to use as a weapon, or at least a bucket of water, I waded
into the melee to defend her virtue.
********
When I returned to the entrance hall, I was triumphant, if considerably scratched and bloodied.
Mrs. Norris had been returned to our rooms, her honor still intact. Her swains had been left to mill about,
wailing in disappointment.
Potter and Creevey regarded my battered condition with raised eyebrows. Potter made no
comment. Predictably, Creevey was full of questions.
"Are you all right, Mr. Filch? What happened? Harry said that you must have gone to break up a
cat-fight! Were some other cats fighting with Mrs. Norris? Is she all right?"
"Yes..." I said, grimly. "Some other cats were ...fighting... with Mrs. Norris. She's fine now. I've
locked her up where she'll be safe."
Potter was biting his lip. He looked like he was trying hard to keep from laughing. I was sure that
he knew perfectly well that the other cats hadn't wanted to "fight" with Mrs. Norris. Though I was glad
he hadn't said as much to Creevey.
Critically, I scanned the floor. As usual, it was impossible to find fault with Potter's cleaning
efforts. My bad mood warred with my sense of justice. I almost never feel the urge to praise a student's
work. Potter was one of the very few exceptions.
I was forced to admit that Creevey's work wasn't too bad either. Not up to Potter's level, of
course, but Creevey knew how to apply elbow-grease with the skill of most Muggle-borns.
Potter had kept scrubbing at a steady pace all the time I'd been gone. Nearly to the middle of the
entrance hall, his progress had far outstripped Creevey's. Or, for that matter, mine!
Determined to catch up, I went back to work.
Soon afterwards, we all heard the same yowling as before, echoing eerily down the stairs!
I cursed, very loudly, forgetting for a moment that the boys were present.
"How does she keep getting out?!?" I snarled, slamming my brush into the bucket.
"Does Mrs. Norris *want* to fight with those other cats, Harry?" Creevey asked, wide-eyed.
"I'll explain in a minute, Colin..." I heard Potter saying, as I ran up the stairs again, this time
bringing along my mop and bucket.
I was just as glad that I was going to miss out on Potter's little lesson on the various aspects of
nature. Grimly, I wondered how he happened to know so much about cats. He didn't have a cat, he had an
owl! Well, perhaps those Muggles he lived with had a cat...
*******
The number of suitors had increased. I had a difficult time getting Mrs. Norris away from them,
particularly since she didn't want to be rescued. Though the mop and the bucket had evened up the odds a
little. When Mrs. Norris was, at last, safely confined in her chaste bedchamber again, I limped back down
to the entrance hall.
This time, my appearance didn't amuse the boys. Potter and Creevey looked at my bloody face,
scratched arms and ripped shirt without grinning.
"Mr. Filch...?" Potter said, a little hesitantly. "Maybe you should go to the hospital wing."
The thought of what Poppy would say to me, if she saw me in this state, made me cringe.
"No!" I snarled.
Smarting all over, I went back to work. I was hoping that I'd discouraged them from asking me
any more questions.
No such luck.
"Mr. Filch...?" Creevey piped up. "Don't you want Mrs. Norris to have kittens?"
I didn't have the energy to glare at him. I just sighed.
"Kittens are a lot of bother." I said, wearily. "Mrs. Norris will gain weight, feel very tired and
she'll be sick sometimes, too. And pregnancy is only the beginning. Giving birth is no picnic either! And
then, her work really starts. All the nursing, and the teaching! Never a moment to herself. She would not
be able to have a quiet nap without the little beasts piling themselves up all over her..."
"But... Harry says that she's making all that noise because she really *wants* kittens."
"She can't help that. It's instinctive. Once Professor Flitwick returns he'll be able to fix her. He
should be back tomorrow night."
`I hope...' I thought.
"Fix her?" Creevey said. "You mean the same way that my cat at home is fixed? I didn't know
Professor Flitwick was a vet! Did you know that, Harry?"
"Professor Flitwick isn't a `vet," whatever that is! He's going to use a Charm on her." I said.
"Oh!" Creevey exclaimed.
Then, he took a deep breath and launched into a somewhat lengthy explanation of what a vet
was. Some sort of Muggle that "fixed" cats. Not with anything as clean and neat as a Charm, either. A
"vet" would put a cat to sleep and cut her open!"
"Then," Creevey was saying, apparently not noticing that I had gone chalk white under my
scratches, "after the uterus and all those other bits have been removed, the vet will sew her right back
up..."
"Er... Colin?" Potter said. "I think you'd better stop. Mr. Filch doesn't want to hear any more."
"It doesn't hurt! Our Grizabella had it done when she was young, and she was good as new in a
week or so!"
"Colin..." Potter said, reprovingly.
I was shuddering visibly. Muggles were so bloodthirsty! I'd had no idea of the sorts of crudity
they were forced to resort to, in place of proper magic!
*******
When the horrific yowling began echoing down the stairs, for a third time, I just buried my head
in my hands.
"How...?" I moaned. "HOW does she keep getting out?"
Then, over the loud wails of my poor, love-sick cat, Potter, Creevey and I all heard the sound of
a familiar cackle.
"Poor, poor old Filch! Doesn't want kittens, does he? Too much mess and bother! Well, isn't that
just too bad for old Filch!"
"Peeves...?" I said, faintly.
The wretched poltergeist appeared, floating in the air over my head. He was rolling about in mid-
air, laughing madly.
"PEEVES!" I shrieked, swinging my mop at him. "HAVE YOU BEEN LETTING MRS.
NORRIS OUT OF MY ROOM?"
"Poor, sweet Mrs. Norris!" Peeves said, in mock-sympathetic tones. "Poor, sweet, dear *lonely*
Mrs. Norris! I was just doing her a favor, I was!"
The poltergeist floated just out of my reach, glaring at me wickedly.
I knew that this was revenge. He'd been angry because I had not given him a proper show the
night before, when he and I had caught Potter and Creevey trying to sneak out of the Castle for some
nighttime flying practice!
He was getting a show now. I could not remember the last time I had been so angry! I knew that
my eyes were popping. I could feel my face and body trembling with fury. Spit flew from my mouth as I
raged incoherently. I knew that I didn't have the strength to fight Mrs. Norris's admirers off for a third
time...
I tried to leap into the air and throttle Peeves. But both Potter and Creevey were holding my
arms.
"Calm down, Mr. Filch," Potter was saying, alarmed. Then, he said something that astonished
me.
"Would it be all right if I tried to get the other cats away from her for you? I could use a Stunning
spell, or I could put them to sleep..."
"Yes!" Creevey said, jumping up and down. "I'll help you, Harry! That's a brilliant idea!"
"You couldn't possibly..." I said, twisting my hands together. "Up all those stairs? You'd be
exhausted by the time you found them! And being able to get to where the cats are isn't enough! I've done
that twice already, and it's the easy part!"
It was, too. My Doors were only a little bit of help with this particular problem. Mrs. Norris was
still too fast for me, and she didn't want to be caught
Shaking my head in despair, I went on. "You'd have to be able to keep up with them to Stun
them, wouldn't you? All those cats, all moving so fast?"
"You'd need to be able to fly...." I said.
The three of us all looked at each other, while Peeves cackled madly over our heads.
The same thought had obviously just occurred to Potter, Creevey and me. The boys' eyes both
shone with delight.
"No," I said weakly. "Never! Not inside the Castle! It's not allowed! Against the Rules..."
"Kittens!" Peeves crowed in delight. "There'll be kittens everywhere! Poor, poor Filch! Will you
be able to find good homes for all of *this* batch?"
Something inside me snapped.
"Damn you!" I screamed, shaking my fists at the poltergeist. I turned and glared at Potter and
Creevey.
"All right!" I bellowed. "Do it! Call your brooms! Get yourselves up there and STUN those
amorous Toms! Do whatever you have to do, but keep them away from Mrs. Norris!!"
I'd shocked Peeves.
I'd shocked Potter.
I'd shocked Creevey.
For that matter, I'd shocked myself.
But it was too late to take it back.
Potter's eyes were dancing with delight.
Creevey's face was shining.
"Accio Firebolt!" Potter said.
"Accio Shooting Star!" Creevey said.
Twin blasts of magic blazed past me, racing up the stairs, towards Gryffindor tower.
END OF CHAPTER THREE
*******
Author's Notes:
Mouse: Thank you!!! I don't like Rita Skeeter as a person, but I do like her very much as a character. She
makes a great person "you love to hate."
I agree that she would make a perfect Slytherin. I confess that my reluctance to put her in Slytherin is
purely emotional. One of the things that bothers me about the actual Harry Potter books is that Rowling
seems to automatically stick most of the "bad guys" in Slytherin. And, many of the Slytherins' names are
vaguely unpleasant-sounding, or mean "bad." Like the "mal" in Malfoy, or "Malcom" or the "Bad" in
Baddock. There are a few exceptions to the "Bad Guys are from Slytherin" rule, like Peter Pettigrew, but
Pettigrew is balanced out by many positive Gryffindors. I would be a lot less reluctant to make Rita a
Slytherin, if Rowling had a few unambiguously good Slytherins to balance all the "Bad" ones.
(That sort of thing always did bother me, even as a kid, when I saw it in books that I really loved. I
remember getting upset when I read "Lord of the Rings." I cried over the Orcs. Weren't there any "good"
Orcs? If you're an Orc, then you're automatically evil? Every other creature in Middle Earth seemed to
have a choice! Why didn't the Orcs?
Among the books I enjoy now are the many volumes of the Redwall series. But it bothers me that all the
Rats and Weasels and Stoats are EVIL. Well, okay, there's been one good rat.)
The issue of Rita's House may not come up in the story again. Boy, do I feel sorry for the Sorting Hat...
Elspeth: Thank you!! Filch was just too tired to yell. And Peeves wanted Filch to yell, and put on a good
show for him. Filch decided that he'd rather not, thank you very much. Peeves is getting his revenge on
Filch for that, in this chapter.
Lataradk: Thank you!! That scene with Snape getting angry when Filch praised Harry's cleaning skills
was fun to write.
Lizard of Fire: Thank you!! Poor Filch does need his sleep. He doesn't seem to need much, but he really
needs more than he gets.
Rabbit: Thank you for your kind words and thank you for giving me the `Filch reacts to the Muggle vet's
solution" idea!!
I think, perhaps, a wizard's familiar, (even a Squib's) might have a longer than usual life-span. Mr. &
Mrs. Weasley didn't seem worried when Scabbers lasted far longer than a normal rat would.
Filch's reaction to Harry's situation at the Dursleys was interesting to think about. The unfair difference
in the way that Harry and Dudley get treated would be the first thing that made him angry. The more he
discovered about poor Harry's home situation, the angrier he would get.
Unrepentant Reader: Thank you!! Filch was terribly traumatized, the last time that Mrs. Norris had
kittens. Something sad happened, and he never really got over it.
Alchemine: Thank you!! The discomforts of pregnancy are only part of the reason that Filch doesn't want
Mrs. Norris to have another litter of little Norrises. (If that part of the backstory doesn't make it into the
actual story, I'll elaborate later.)
Filch: Minerva...? Marry....? (Blushes and stammers incoherently and dashes off to polish his "worry
beads.")
Filch would definitely be upset if he knew why Harry's so good at cleaning. His own parents made sure
that he knew how to work hard because they knew he'd have to. He's assuming that Harry's situation is
something like his own.
Gramarye: Thank you!! Colin is a fun character to write!! I love Ron as the new Gryffindor Keeper!!
Thank you for that idea too!
RioRaptor & Shadow: Thank you and Thank you!! I loved your reactions to Colin and his camera!!